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WHAT WORKERS WANT THEIR SUPERVISORS TO KNOW AND DO
DAN COMER
COURTNEY SMITH
B A R I U M S P R I N G S T R A I N I N G G R O U P
The Incredible Power of Parallel Process
Barium Springs Training Group
Provides a full continuum of community-based programs ranging from early intervention to post-adoption support
Training and Curriculum Development
Creator of the Six Principles of Partnership, the foundation for Differential Response in NC and elsewhere in the U.S.
Have provided training, curriculum development, technical assistance, and coaching for DR planning and implementation in NC, CT, WI and Canada
Everyone Desires Respect
Everyone Needs to be Heard
Everyone Has Strengths
Judgments Can Wait
Partners Share Power
Partnership is a Process
Principles of Partnership
The Issues…Sound Familiar?
Stress Change Turnover
What did you hear in the video about principles and what they do for organizations?
“It is easier to produce ten volumes of philosophical writings than to put one principle into practice.” Leo Tolstoy
Leo Tolstoy
Using the Principles
Imagine we are a unit/team….
How could your assigned principle be applied in our working relationships/structure?
If we were practicing the principle, what would we see or hear each other doing?
What are examples of how your principle is working really well in your work team?
What are examples of challenges or barriers to implementing your principle?
Think about the particular principle
your group is exploring:
Inside Out Training
The trainer becomes the facilitator of a learning experience, rather than an information provider.
Through experiential learning methods, participants learn from the inside out.
People make an emotional attachment to the material, which aids both buy-in and retention.
Parallel Process
How we want workers to treat families …
Is how supervisors should treat their workers….
Is how administration should treat supervisors…
Is how the state should treat counties…
“Parallel Process speeds up any change process, and
reduces resistance to change.”
The Golden Rule:
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Good advice for living
Treat others as you would like to be treated
Respectful behavior come from considering what you would like for yourself
Examine each situation through your own perspective to determine the best course of action
The Platinum Rule:
Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
Higher skill level Treat others as they prefer to be treated, not as you
prefer to be treated Respectful behavior comes from considering what the
other person would like, not what you would like Examine each situation through the other person’s
perspective to determine the best course of action Stephen Covey’s concept of “paying in their currency”
Four Social Styles
ANALYTICAL
DRIVER
AMIABLE
EXPRESSIVE
Ask Tell
Slower pace Faster pace
Task
Relationship
Less assertive More assertive
Everyone Desires Respect
Tools for this principle:
Use the Platinum Rule
Model the respect you would like to receive
Meet people where they are (Explorer, Vacationer, Prisoner)
Look for positive intent
Be aware of social styles and adapt when necessary
Respect and incorporate ideas from workers
I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me... All I ask is that you respect me as a human being. Jackie Robinson
Autobiographical Empathic
Filtering what we hear through our own frame of reference, personal experiences and our own agenda
Listening with the intent to reply, rebut, inform, collect information, convince, persuade, control or manipulate
Striving to get inside the other person’s frame of reference in order to really understand their point of view
Listening with the intent of seeing the world through their eyes and understanding how they feel
Two Ways to Listen
Benefits of Empathic Listening
According to Covey, next to physical survival, the greatest human need is to be understood, affirmed, validated, and appreciated. Empathic listening allows us to fulfill this need.
Resistance diminishes
Communication is more genuine
Allows recipient to work through their own thoughts and feelings; and
Create solutions
Group A Group B
View this video clip, taking note of the techniques the principal uses to portray he is concerned and listening
See if you can determine Mr. Harper’s underlying intention in the interaction
Video Task Guide-Boston Public
Internal Voice
The best way to manage your internal voice is to focus on your intent.
Your intent drives your internal voice. It will dictate the tone of the interaction and the questions you ask.
Principal Harper’s Questions
1) What can I do for you?
2) Is there anything else?
3) What would you have me do?
Seek First to Understand
Intent is more important than technique
A big piece of all the other principles
Everyone Needs to be Heard
Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire, and judgment – and, for a moment at least, existing for the other person. Michael Nichols
Identify a partner- (either a difficult partner or one you
work with on a regular basis)
List as many strengths as you can for that partner
Relevant to the work
Include different kind of strengths
This list is only for you
My Partners’ Strengths
Now find a partner
Locate someone with a different social style than your own; ideally, the opposite (i.e. expressive with analytical and amiable with driver)
Share your responses with your partner
Use this opportunity to gain a different perspective on strategies for addressing your unique challenges
My Plan for Focusing on Strengths
Finding Strengths by Finding Exceptions
Looking for exceptions helps
you begin to see:
When the problem is NOT occurring
When things are different, better, or going well
What is happening during those “different” times when things are better, and
How you can replicate those exception times
Scaling- The Swiss Army Knife of Tools
Epitomizes the Not Knowing Stance
Provides insight into the responder’s perspective
Easy to adapt to different subjects, issues, and stages of development
Everyone Has Strengths
Two heads are better than one
Past successes, abilities, dreams, and resiliencies.
Strengths are the key to finding solutions.
Takes more effort and intention to find the strengths in those who are the most different from us.
“It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.” - Hermann Hesse
Solve This!
I am going to make numbers the oldest way possible
The markers are irrelevant
You need to place yourself where you can see my hands
I am going to try to trick you
Judgments Can Wait
Strategies for the this principle:
• Hold judgments lightly
• Seek alternative explanations
• Not knowing stance
• Ladder of Inference
“From a worldly point of view, there is no mistake so great as that of being always right.” - Samuel Butler
Sharing Power Means-
Making sure people know what they’re expected to do
Being sure they know how to do what is expected of them
Giving people the information they need to be successful and make good decisions
Partners have the autonomy to perform their tasks
Partners Share Power
Sharing power requires:
Paying attention
Willingness to change direction
Patience
Listening
Sharing the glory
Rules of Brainstorming
State your target clearly
Establish a brainstorming group
There needs to be a designated facilitator.
Give the following instructions:
Strive for quantity
No criticism allowed
Build on the ideas of others
Talk in headlines
Consistently encourage the group
Use two recorders if you need to keep it going
Partnership is a Process
“Life is a process of becoming, a combination
of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to
elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of
death.”
Anais Nin
Tools for this principle:
Be intentional.
Pay attention.
Honor yourself and others- in any process- by compassionately applying these principles.
Thanks!
For further information, or to discuss your training or coaching needs, please email or call:
Dan Comer
828-432-7766