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© 2019 Philip Vassallo, Ed.D.

Writing Effective Email

Presented by Philip Vassallo, Ed.D.

Welcome!

© 2019 Philip Vassallo, Ed.D. 2

author of three books on work-

related writing, the blog Words on

the Line, and 50+ published articles

on writing theory and practice

instructional designer, trainer, writer,

and editor for corporate and

government clients

writing assessor of standardized tests

international visiting professor

doctorate in educational theory

Your Instructor

Philip Vassallo, Ed.D.


Tips from the Book

3


1. Master the unique challenges of email.

2. Compose purposeful, reader-focused emails.

3. Employ strategies for creating a courteous tone.

4. Manage your email system effectively and efficiently.

Webinar Objectives

4


Getting to the Point

Part 1

5


Statement – getting to the point

Support – addressing the issues

Structure – organizing your ideas

Style – coming across professionally

4S Email Writing Product

6


Request, Draft 1

7

To: Ava Re: Activity Report

From: Otto Date: Today 1:23 pm

Ava,

Question: When will the activity report be ready for Joe? He’ll be referring to it

during a conference call with the library board next Friday. This meeting

represents a great opportunity for us to expand services. Hope it all works out.

Do you need my help to prepare it? I’d be glad to help. Also, I’ll be out of town

on Thursday, so I’ll need you to lock up the library that afternoon.

Thanks,

Otto

Suppose Otto, a library associate,

wrote the email below to a teammate.


To: Ava Re: Activity Report


Ava,

Question: When will the activity report be ready for Joe? He’ll be referring to it

during a conference call with the library board next Friday. This meeting

represents a great opportunity for us to expand services. Hope it all works out.

Do you need my help to prepare it? I’d be glad to help. Also, I’ll be out of town

on Thursday, so I’ll need you to lock up the library that afternoon.

Thanks,

Otto

What’s the Problem?

8

1. a subject line that does

not preview the purpose

2. an opening that does not

cover the entire message 3. a single paragraph that

conveys more than one idea

4. a key point buried at

the end of the message

5. a closing without

clear next steps.


1. Preview the purpose in the subject line.

Email Solution: Getting to the Point

Avoid Vague Subject Lines

Re: Update

Prefer Focused Subject Lines

Re: Circulation Update

Re: Meeting Re: Rescheduled Board Meeting

Re: Scanner Re: ScanRX Proposal

9


2. State the purpose immediately.

The Purpose Millville Library’s print and electronic circulation has increased by

5% this year.

The Point To describe the detailed increases in print and electronic

circulation for the year.

The Purpose These are the details for the rescheduled Millville Board meeting.

The Point To note the reason for the meeting postponement, site and time of

the new meeting, and the meeting agenda.

The Purpose Purchasing a ScanRX for the Millville Library will increase

operational efficiency, reduce overhead costs, and enhance

customer experience.

The Point To describe how purchasing a ScanRX will achieve the three

stated objectives for the library.


10



11

3. Reinforce the purpose with focused next steps.

Purpose Millville Library’s print and electronic circulation has increased by

5% this year.

Next steps This analysis will be expanded for presentation to the Mayor by

June 11.

Purpose These are the details for the rescheduled Millville Board meeting.

Next Steps The minutes for this meeting will be available on the Library

website by June 24. The next meeting is scheduled for

September 23.

Purpose Purchasing a ScanRX for the Millville Library will increase

operational efficiency, reduce overhead costs, and enhance

customer experience.

Next Steps Product specifications are available here. With your approval, I

will begin the purchasing process.

11


Use PDF Structure

Purpose – the point

Details – the supporting content

Follow-through – the next steps

12


If Otto wanted to be deferential, he could write

this message:

To: Ava Re: Two Questions


Hello Ava,

Would you answer these questions?

• Will the activity report be ready by Thursday for Joe’s

conference call with the library board?

• Can you lock up the office on Thursday, as I will be out

of town that afternoon?

Please let me know when you can.

Thanks,

Otto

13

Request, Draft 2

P

D

F


If Otto wanted to be neutral, he could write this

message:

To: Ava Re: Two Issues


Hi Ava,

We need to address these issues:

• preparing the activity report by Thursday for Joe's

conference call with library board

• securing the office on Thursday, as I will be out of town

that afternoon

Let’s talk today so that I can make arrangements.

Thanks,

Otto

14

Request, Draft 3

P

D

F


If Otto wanted to be assertive, he could write this

message:

To: Ava Re: Two Tasks


Please handle these tasks:

• Submit the activity report to me by Thursday.

• Lock up the office on Thursday.

I'll confirm at 4:30 pm that you’ll cover these.

15

Request, Draft 4

P

D

F


PDF Prevails

Draft 2: Deferential Draft 3: Neutral Draft 4: Assertive

To: Ava

From: Otto

Re: Two Questions

Date: Today 1:23 pm

Hello Ava,

Would you answer these questions?

• Will the activity report be ready

by Thursday for Joe’s

conference call with the library

board?

• Can you lock up the office on

Thursday, as I will be out of

town that afternoon?

Please let me know when you can.

Thanks,

Otto

To: Ava

From: Otto

Re: Two Issues

Date: Today 1:23 pm

Hi Ava,

We need to address these issues:

• preparing the activity report by

Thursday for Joe's conference

call with library board

• securing the office on

Thursday, as I will be out of

town that afternoon

Let’s talk today so that I can make

arrangements.

Thanks,

Otto

To: Ava

From: Otto

Re: Two Tasks

Date: Today 1:23 pm

Please handle these tasks:

• Submit the activity report to me

by Thursday.

• Lock up the office on

Thursday.

I'll confirm at 4:30 pm that you’ll cover

these.

16


1. The purpose is clear in the subject line—even before Ava

reads the message.

2. The first sentence immediately focuses Ava on her role.

3. The last sentence gives Ava a clear deadline.

4. The listed points make the details apparent to Ava.

5. Otto wastes no words. Draft 1 is 76 words, Draft 2 is 49

words (35% less), Draft 3 is 46 words (40% less), and Draft 4

is 27 words (65% less).

Improvements in Purposefulness

17


Wait wait! What about …

Purpose / Follow-through

Details

18

Ava,

Please confirm by 4:30 pm today that you’ll complete these tasks:

• Submit the activity report to me by Thursday.

• Lock up the office on Thursday.

Thanks,

Otto

If he wants to be even more

assertive.



Purpose

Details

19

Hi Ava,

Please:

• Submit the activity report to me by Thursday for Joe’s conference call

with the library board.

• Lock up the office on Thursday, as I’ll be out.

If he were in a rush.



Details

20

Good day, Ava

• Joe needs the activity report by Thursday for his conference call with

library board.

• You need to lock up the office on Thursday, as I will be out that day.

If he knows she'd get it.



Purpose

21

Hello Ava,

I'm stopping by your desk in a minute about the activity report for the board

and locking up on Thursday. It won’t take long.

If a face-to-face is the best

way to get her.



Purposeless?

22

I'm stopping by your desk in a minute.

If he had spoken to her earlier.


But PDF Is the Law!

Purpose – the point

Details – the supporting content

Follow-through – the next steps

23


Review

1. Preview the purpose in the subject line.

2. Assert a clear purpose in the opening.

3. Support the purpose with relevant details.

4. Reinforce the purpose with a focused closing.

5. Break PDF in the interest of eliminating

verbiage and saving time—as long as it's

reader-focused.

24


Focusing on Readers

Part 2

25


accusatory

aggressive

angry

annoyed

arrogant

assertive

bland

blunt

brusque

casual

cautious

concerned

condescending

confident

courteous

defensive

distracted

enthusiastic

evasive

firm

focused

formal

friendly

helpful

humorous

impersonal

inflexible

negative

obsequious

perfunctory

personal

pompous

positive

rushed

sarcastic

sincere

stilted

technical

uncertain

warm

Tone = Attitude

depends never always

26


your reputation is damaged

you lose your job

your job evaluation suffers

message is forwarded

work is not done

email war begins

message is dismissed

Risks of a Bad Tone

27


How would you describe the tone?

Situation: Walker, a library assistant, is following up with a

patron by email after a phone conversation.

28

To: Jenny Benny Re: Card Renewal

From: Walker Parker Date: Today 4:32 pm

[no salutation] 1

I was busy today with other patrons,2 so I couldn’t get back to you till

now. As I already told you during our last phone call, 3 we cant 4, 5

renew your card because you failed 6 to submit proof of residence in

compliance with provisions set forth in the library policy. 7 Please

remit asap. 8, 9


Tons of Tone Problems

To: Jenny Benny Re: Card Renewal

From: Walker Parker Date: Today 4:32 pm

[no salutation] 1

I was busy today with other patrons,2 so I couldn’t get back to you till

now. As I already told you during our last phone call, 3 we cant 4, 5

renew your card because you failed 6 to submit proof of residence in

compliance with provisions set forth in the library policy. 7 Please

remit asap. 8, 9

1. cold

2. defensive

3. annoyed

7. lawyerly

8. unhelpful

9. rushed

4. sloppy

5. negative

6. accusatory

29


Influences on Tone

and much more!

What You Bring To It What It Brings To You

your purpose

your readers' concerns

your own attitude

your readers' attitude

your personal culture

your library culture

30


Checking Your Tone

1. Allow a cooling-off period before pressing

send.

2. Read the message with your purpose in

mind but from your reader's viewpoint.

3. Ask someone you trust to read the message.

31


Checking Your Tone


send.


mind but from your reader's viewpoint..

3. Ask someone you trust to read the

message.

32


Checking Your Tone


send.


mind but from your reader's viewpoint.

3. Ask someone you trust to read the

message.

33


Thinking Before Sending

DRAFT 1

To: Jenny Benny

Re: Card Renewal

From: Walker Parker

Date: Today 4:32 pm

I was busy today with other patrons,

so I couldn’t get back to you till now.

As I already told you during our last

phone call, we cant renew your card

because you failed to submit proof of

residence in compliance with

provisions set forth in the library

policy. Please remit asap.

DRAFT 2

To: Jenny Benny

Re: Proof of Residence Request

From: Walker Parker

Date: Today 4:32 pm

Greetings Jenny,

To follow up on our phone call, we will

renew your card as soon as we receive

your proof of residence. You can click

here to see what documents you can

use, and you can reach me by phone,

email, or at the library circulation desk if

I can help.

Regards,

Walker

34


Content Language need-to-know information

Context Language nice-to-know information

helpful-to-know information

Balancing Content & Context

35


Balancing Content & Context

36

The content is the …

The context is the …

• data

• interpretation

• facts

• analysis

• requirement

• rationale


5 Case Studies

1. report

2. manager

3. teammate

4. vendor

5. patron

37

Content & Context Are Everywhere


Content Language Only

Chris,

Before leaving today:

• Email Ms. Wu about her

found card.

• Call A-Z Contracting

about the roof leak.

I'll see you tomorrow morning.

Pat

Content Language with Context Language

Hello Chris,

I hope all is well. Since I'll be at a conference

today, please complete these tasks this afternoon:

• Email Ms. Wu about her card, which Carlie

discovered in Ms. Wu’s returned book, and

tell her it will be at the circulation desk.

• Call AZ Contracting about the leak from the

roof, which is still under warranty.

You can reach me at my mobile phone anytime

this afternoon. I'll see you tomorrow morning.

Thanks,

Pat

Case Study 1: To Report

38



Lee,

Attached is my weekly

update.

Pat


Hi Lee,

Attached is my weekly update.

The prominent changes are in graphic novels (up

11% year over year) and computer use (up 17%

year over year).

The increased expenses are attributable to the

roof replacement.

Have a good day,

Pat

Case Study 2: To Manager

39



Kim,

Here is the staff meeting

review from yesterday.

Pat


Good morning Kim,

I hope you're feeling better. We missed you at the

meeting.

Here is the staff meeting review from

yesterday. Agenda Item 2, Customer Service, is

leading to something big. Lee wants mandatory

customer service training for all frontline staff, so

you and I will be creating the deliverables, finding

a vendor, and supervising the training.

Let's talk about a plan tomorrow morning, if that's

good for you.

Take care,

Pat

Case Study 3: To Teammate

40



Jean,

The furniture PO is in

process.

Pat


Good day Jean,

The furniture PO is in process. I'm hoping to get it

to you by tomorrow.

Regarding the desk model number, we would

prefer no substitute. If you can’t supply that

model, please let me know so that we can make

alternative arrangements.

Thanks,

Pat

Case Study 4: To Vendor

41



Dr. Murray,

A 90-minute presentation on

retirement planning by Max

Park of Financial Advisors,

has been set for Monday,

June 10 at 6:00 pm in the

Community Room.

Pat


Dear Dr. Murray,

I trust you and your family are well. Since you

expressed an interest, I thought you’d like to know

that we have set up a 90-minute presentation by

Max Park of Financial Advisors on retirement

planning. It will be on Monday, June 10 at 6:00

pm in our Community Room.

Mr. Park has managed his consulting business for

over 25 years and has received high ratings from

our members for his past presentations. He

always allows time to answer audience questions.

I'm sure you'll benefit from Mr. Park’s insights. We

hope to see you there. Have a great weekend.

My best,

Pat

Case Study 5: To Patron

42


A Delicate Balance

43

Content Context


Managing Email

Part 3

44


2. Keep matters

strictly business

(reputation).

Managing Email

3. Consider

whether email is

the best way to

communicate

(socialization).

1.Remember the

durability of the

written word

(confidence).

45


FEELING

1. Limit emojis.

COMPOSING

2. Avoid overusing bold or upper-case letters.

ATTACHING

3. Attach or ftp thoughtfully.

4. Describe the attachment or link.

COPYING

5. Do not copy everyone.

6. Think about the implications of blind copying. 46

Dealing with Email: A Golden Dozen


INITIATING

7. Assume nothing—give the details.

8. Avoid the read receipt feature.

RESPONDING

9. Respond when you need to—and only then.

10. Cut the length of the email string.

FORWARDING

11. Explain why you're forwarding.

UPDATING

12. Update your entire e-management system. 47



FEELING

1. Limit emojis.

COMPOSING

2. Avoid overusing bold or upper-case letters.

ATTACHING

3. Attach or ftp thoughtfully.

4. Describe the attachment or link.

COPYING

5. Do not copy everyone.

6. Think about the implications of blind copying.

INITIATING

7. Assume nothing—give the details.

8. Avoid the read receipt feature.

RESPONDING

9. Respond when you need to—and only then.

10. Cut the length of the email string.

FORWARDING

11. Explain why you're forwarding.

UPDATING

12. Update your entire e-management system.

48



STATEMENT

1. Does my subject line clearly preview the

message?

2. If initiating, do I open with a purpose

statement at the top of the message?

3. If responding, do I stick to the point introduced

by the initiator?

4. Do I conclude with clear next steps that

logically connect to the purpose?

4S Email Checklist

49


SUPPORT

5. Do my details support the purpose?

6. Do my details address all my readers’ concerns

related to the purpose?

4S Email Checklist (continued)

50


STRUCTURE

7. Does the message contain the purpose, details,

and follow-through?

8. Do my ideas connect in a logical order?

9. Do I separate my ideas by paragraph?

10. Do I use headings and lists where useful?


51


STYLE

11. Does the tone of the message suit the purpose

and audience?

12. Is the message written clearly?

13. Is the message written concisely?

14. Is the message free of grammatical,

punctuation, and spelling errors?


52


Thank You!

PHILIP VASSALLO, ED.D.

Writing Management, Design, Instruction, and Assessment

21 Cori Street

Parlin, NJ 08859-1719

Office: 1-732-721-7577

Mobile: 1-732-718-3361

Fax: 1-732-727-7491

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.PhilVassallo.com

Blog: www.WordsontheLine.blogspot.com

Tweets: www.Twitter.com/PhilVassallo

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/PhilVassallo

Author of How to Write Fast Under Pressure, The Art of E-mail Writing, and The Art of On-the-Job Writing

To your emailing success!

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welcome! writing effective email · related writing, the blog words on the line, and 50+ published...

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