Should I Coach My Child?

by Damian Fantauzzifor Saratoga TODAY

I know a few coaches who have coached their own son or daughter, some with success and some without. The plus is that the son/daughter might receive more praise and more technical instruc-tion, and some children might feel that their fathers or mothers had a better understanding of their abil-ities than other coaches. The child could like spending quality time with their dads during games and practices.

The fathers and mothers exhibit pride in their daughters’/sons’ achievements and enjoyed positive social interactions with the team and other parents. There are parent coaches who enjoy the opportunity to teach skills and values while spending quality time with their children.

On the other hand, the kids

can experience negative emo-tional responses, including added pressure and expectations to win, and with “greater” conflict at home. Also, there can be a lack of understanding and empathy from their fathers/mothers, plus more criticism for mistakes, and unfair behavior compared with that directed toward their teammates. Among the negatives can be a father’s inability to easily separate being a coach from being a par-ent. Parent-coaches often place greater expectations and pressure on their own child to succeed. There can also be an overt dem-onstration of favoritism toward their son/daughter.

I personally have coached my own daughter, but not my son. My daughter played tennis for me at Saratoga Springs High School when I coached the girls’ JV team. We had a great relation-ship as father/coach and daugh-ter, and we never had any conflict. My son was into soccer, and I was fine with that. I coached basket-ball and tennis while he was in school, and I refused to pressure him into learning and playing either sport. For me, he had to do what he wanted, because sports have a personal connection and experience for the athlete. He was a very good goalie for Saratoga.

I have seen parents, in their role as coach, have some down-right ugly situations and as well as the opposite. I witnessed some

exceptional relationships between the father/mother coach and child. Let me mention percent-ages about a parent who coaches their offspring. Generally speak-ing, I think that most of the time a coach’s child who plays for dad, or mom has a lot more pressure on them, than their parent-coach does, although there’s no doubt coaching your kid is a tricky job!

First of all, when the child is at home with the coach, it’s impor-tant to take off the coaching hat, and be the parent. If dad uses an overkill approach in his coach-ing role, most likely he will turn his own son or daughter off to the sport, and child might be consid-ering the worst step of all, quitting. Imagine if a youngster quits a team and their parent is the coach: What could the repercussions of that decision become? There are many stories of an offspring being sub-jected to near abuse by their par-ent, their coach. The result can be a sad and an unhealthy situation that has the possibility of a long-term negative effect on a lifelong relationship between child and parent, and unfortunately this sce-nario can be irreversible.

Most importantly, the ath-lete is still the child, no matter the level they are involved with, from biddy to varsity. Praise is a nour-ishing food for the athlete, but there is a glass ceiling, so to speak, and a fine line between spreading the praise around with the rest of

the team. The parent/coach has to take a step back with the treat-ment of a situation involving their child on the field and a necessary thought of what to do if they were dealing with a child other than your own. Obviously this is not an easy scenario.

When I was a young ath-lete, during the mid 50s and early 60s, my parents where not very involved with my participation in sports. Since basketball was my biggest interest, I was determined to be the best player I could be, I didn’t need any push from my par-ents, or anyone else. Throughout my evolution as a player I learned the game through observation and experimentation. In those days, I think that was more the norm and not the exception. The push came from within, with very little out-side stimulation of overt instruc-tion of fundamentals or other concepts related to basketball. There were very few camps around during that era and if there were, they were not affordable, at least not for my family and the parent/coach was practically nonexistent.

Some advice comes from the magazine “Men’s Health,” on coaching your child. Don’t assume your kids want you to coach their team, and if you do coach, don’t forget to manage the other par-ents. Be a dad, or mom first – and coach second. To psych them up, zero them in on the fun. Know that practice matters more than

games. Put every kid in a posi-tion to succeed (especially with youth teams). Be delicate with discipline. My two cents is simple - don’t yell at them and try not to be condescending, try to be posi-tive, that’s so important! I further believe that kids need to accept and learn from “failure”. Failure has been misunderstood as a neg-ative term. It is a learning tool, an important one and it has to be used in a positive way for learn-ing. Some of the “failure” will be part of the coaching experience. I can’t emphasize this enough: teach the fun of fundamentals!

To sum it all up, if you are coaching your child, they must be looked at as a team mem-ber with an emphasis that every player is an individual. It’s important to provide a whole-some environment so that each one has a chance to learn how to play the game without fear, while having fun. Don’t over-coach your own child because it will be a life changing unhealthy relationship that could last throughout both parent and child’s life. Keep it fun, for all, including you! My final advice to fathers and mothers who coach their own children, love is the most important thing in life, help your kids enjoy playing sports without “your” dreams and illusions of grandeur, guide them to live in the moment for the love of playing sports.

Week of May 13 – May 19, 2016 SPORTS 45

Klingenberg Will Kick for Mercyhurst

SARATOGA SPRINGS—Saratoga Central Catholic School’s senior Tyler Klingenberg has signed a letter of intent to play soccer next season at Mercyhurst University in Erie, Pennsylvania. On hand to celebrate Tyler’s signing were Tyler’s coaches Tim Barnes and Jeff Geller, as well as proud parents Holly and Juergen Klingenberg. Congratulations Tyler! Photos by Chris Stewart.