English Portfolio

Aubree DorranceEnglish 2010

April 28, 2013

ePortfolio link:

http://aubreesworld.weebly.com/english-2010.html

Contents: Reflective Writing

Report Final

Evaluation Final

Proposal Final

Peer Review Work

Reflective WritingAubree Dorrance

English 2010April 28, 2013

Throughout this semester I have done many different genres of writing to improve my

skills. Some papers have been easier to write than others, but altogether it has been interesting to

write about various subjects in different ways. In total, there were five genres to write on. I was

assigned to write about the same subject for the profile, report, and proposal papers; it forced me

to think about the same topic using different styles. The other two writings were an evaluation

and a position paper. Each of these genres required me to do reading and research to understand

what was to be written on. For the three papers to be included in this portfolio, I selected the

report, the evaluation, and the proposal categories.

The first paper included is the report, “Texas Secession – Don’t Mess with Texas!” For

this paper I did a lot of research to become familiar with the secession issue. As I got into the

information I found there is an abundance of secession information. This type of writing was the

easiest for me, because it is the one that I have been familiar with, and have used the most in

previous writings. The main issue with this paper that needed to be corrected was the works

cited section.

The second paper was the evaluation of a foreign film, Bliss that was set in a Muslim

community. In correcting this paper, I added more detail to describe the village, and the

atmosphere around it. This was a difficult paper to write without giving away the ending of the

movie, which I did not reveal. I also corrected a few grammatical and punctuation errors.

The last writing included in the portfolio is the proposal, “Texans! Know…Before You

Go!” Although this was the same topic as the report, the Texas secession, it was from a different

angle. I had a lot of information from research on the two previous papers about Texas, but

needed to present the information in a different way. In writing this paper, I did pull more

statistical data that I felt would enhance a proposal. There was not a lot of revision required, but

I did see some typos and corrections that were needed. It is amazing how many times one can

read a paper and still see errors that were missed!

For my peer review I picked an evaluation draft by Lynzee Wallentine. This paper

evaluated a play performed at Bear Lake. Lynzee expressed her delight and thrill over the

performance, and her enthusiasm was very noticeable in the evaluation. It was well written, but I

did make some suggestions which I hope will improve both of our writing skills.

Although this was an online class and I did not see the instructor or class members on a

day to day basis, I feel that I know many of the class members from doing the peer reviews. I

appreciated the prompt replies from the instructor, and her help when I needed it. As a writer I

have grown and learned, and will continue to learn with the principles that were taught. As I

continue my college education, I will always need to write many types of papers, and will use

what I learned in English 2010. I have enjoyed this class and value the experience with a good

instructor.

Texas Secession – Don’t Mess with Texas!Report

Following the November 2012 Presidential election, petitions from Texas residents were

posted on the “We the People” website requesting separation from the United States. The

petitions submitted to this website are not binding on the part of the U. S. Government, and have

no legal implications. However, petitions with over 25,000 signatures deserve a reply from the

White House. The Texas petition carried over

113,000 signatures.

As a bit of history, the state of Texas has

proposed secession several times; as have other

states in the Union. Texas was added as a state in

the United States of America in 1845. In 1861 Texas

claimed secession and became a part of the Southern

States. At the end of the Civil War, it again became a state in the United States, as did all the

other Southern States that had seceded. A decision of the U. S. Supreme Court (1869), Texas v.

White, ruled that Texas (and any other state) continued to be a state in the Union and could not

secede.

Many wonder what would cause the citizens of Texas to seek secession from the United

States. At a first glance there are several advantages. Monetary issues are at the front of the

arguments for secession. Autonomy is another big reason. A third concern is having control

over its land mass. Several publications such as Time, The Week, Slate Magazine, and Star

Telegram carried articles about the ramifications of Texas seceding. The advantages listed

below have been found in discussions by newscasters, authors, and politically interested persons

who have spoken out on the issue. Advantages for Texas secession are:

Federal income taxes paid from Texans would remain in Texas. Texans paid federal

taxes (both by individual and business) of $193.3 billion in 2011. The Federal

Government paid Texas $32.9 billion to the state during this time. This would leave

Texas with a $165.4 million advantage for the year.

The new country of Texas could decide its own destiny, without interference from the

U. S. Government.

The U. S. Government would no longer be able to direct the use of what are now

federal lands, property, and funds.

Texas as a nation would be given a seat on the United Nations with voting status.

According to Gibbs, (Texas Tantrums) Texas would hold more rank than Australia,

Greece, and many others due to its population.

Borders to the state could be closed.

The state of Texas maintains a balanced budget according to Boyd in his article Texas

at the Forefront of Secession Push. With secession it would lose any responsibility

for the massive National debt.

The country could practice its ideals of conservatism without U. S. liberal influence.

Of course there are known negative issues to Texas as an independent nation. These

issues would affect the governmental organization of the country, and would reach to the level of

the resident also. These disadvantages would include:

U. S. Military bases would be closed resulting in a loss of jobs, both civilian and

military.

The U. S. Federal Government would make demands to be repaid for its investment

in the state.

Federal funding would stop for:

Roads which are supported by the U. S. Government

Subsidies to public schools and universities

Federal disaster clean up and support funds

U. S. National Parks in Texas would no longer be national parks and

would receive no funding

Welfare assistance would not be available from the U. S. Government

No Social Security would be paid to Texas citizens

Federal employees would be dismissed from U. S. employment

Airports in Texas would not be subsidized

Political significance:

Federal judges would be dismissed

Federal courts would close

A discussion of the implications of secession goes beyond a listing of the advantages and

disadvantages. The secession of Texas would create major reorganization within both

governments, the United States Federal Government and the newly formed Texas Federal

Government. The exchanges of money commitments, and who gets what, are within these areas.

Although the information about finances would be readily available, it’s likely that a lot of

arguments will occur when deciding where the money goes. The payback for federal properties

and lands that presently exist in Texas, such as office buildings, roads, national parks, etc. would

be a big question. Would Texas be obliged to payback the amount that was originally spent or

would the new government be required to pay today’s prices?

If Texas seceded the area would not receive Federal disaster relief. Advocates of

secession assert that Texas has not received help in the past from the Federal Government for

disaster relief. This is not a true fact. The article by Stein, Texas, Run by Secessionist Guv…,

reports that Texas received the benefits of Federal aid for 13 “major disasters” since Governor

Rick Perry took office in 2001. Aside from whether or not U. S. relief funds

went to Texas, there would be no help available to them from the U. S.

Government in the future. Of course, one must consider that the U. S. helps

every country in the world where disasters occur.

Texas would not receive money to build or repair highways or roads.

Texas has a large interstate highway system. The new country may have to repay the U. S.

Government for building the many miles of freeway. After repaying it would need to put out the

money for the upkeep and repairs.

There would be no federal assistance to the education system. No subsidies due to the

minority population, no assistance for books, teachers, and no government grants to build

schools or for scholarship funding. Assistance to the welfare program for the minorities, poor, or

elderly would not exist. Social security would be stopped to the people no longer citizens in the

U. S. The citizens of Texas who are federal employees might feel the biggest pinch because they

would no longer be federally employed. However, Texas may still need these services, such as

judges, law enforcement officers, tax collectors, etc. The new country would be required to fund

the jobs. Franklin, writing in the Federaljack.com article stated that Texas will need to have a

National Army, and could hire the soldiers now stationed in Texas, if the U. S. Army did not

relocate them. There would be an impact on the political parties in the U. S. According to

Radic’s article, Texas Secession Would Benefit Both Parties, Democrats would gain in future

elections because Texas is usually a Republican state. Thirty-four electoral votes would no

longer be in the Presidential voting mix. Seats in the Senate and the Congress would be lost.

This would be more of a loss for the Republican Party than for the Democrats.

Several questions will be raised if Texas were to actually secede:

Would Texas charge a toll to cross the state on what are now federal highways, such as I-

10, I-40, etc?

Would there be import and export duties levied against goods moving across the border?

Would major league sports teams be allowed to remain members of their respective U. S.

organizations? (This is important to me…I am a Texas Rangers Baseball fan!)

Would people born in Texas, while it was a state, be considered U. S. citizens, as anyone

born within the U. S. boundaries automatically is a U. S. citizen? Or, would all residents

of Texas be reclassified and have their citizenship revoked by the U. S. Government?

Would a passport be required to enter or exit Texas? What national citizenship would

they hold? Would they be citizens of the United

States of America which they are by birth, or

would they be only citizens of the new state,

because they left the Union? The United States

law does allow its citizens to hold citizenship in

another country, but does not encourage it. According to the Department Services for Dual

Nationality, “Dual nationals owe allegiance to both the United States and the foreign country.”

There is also the caveat that a person who voluntarily applies for citizenship in another county

might lose the right to the U. S. citizenship. The U. S. expects dual nationals to obey the laws of

both countries in order to retain their ties to the United States.

After reading the information on Texas secession, I can only conclude that it is a fad for

Texans to demonstrate rebellion and dissatisfaction. As part of this great country, they are

bound. The Texas vs. White decision of 1869 said that they or any other state could not secede.

Although the numbers say that monetarily Texas would be better off, if you look at taxes paid

and what Texas wants to admit they receive, the hidden values of being part of the U. S. would

soon surface. Although there are many advantages to a secession of Texas, the disadvantages

outweigh them. The state would have difficulty surviving on its own. Although a few of the

residents have signed petitions to secede, the majority of the people would fight against

secession.

Works Cited

“A ‘peaceful’ Texas secession would carry huge costs.” Star-Telegram. 20 Nov. 2012. Web. 25

Jan. 2013.

Boyd, Herb. “Texas at the Forefront of Secession Push.” New York Amsterdam News; 15 Nov.

2012 . 103(46), 4-4. Academic Search Premier. Web. 9 Mar. 2013.

Dorrance, David. Personal interview. 24 Jan. 2013.

Franklin, Ben. “State Secession and Dissolution from the Union on the Horizon: Pros and Cons

behind State Secession.” Info at Federaljack.com. 11 Nov. 2012. Web. 9 Mar. 2013.

Gibbs, Nancy. “Texas Tantrum.” Time: 4 May 2009, 173(17), 56-57. Academic Search Premier.

Web. 9 Mar. 2013.

Radic, Natalia. “Opinion: Texas Secession Would Benefit Both Parties.” The New Political. 14

Nov. 2012. Web. 21 Jan. 2013

“Spending on Social Welfare Programs in Rich and Poor States: Finding and Results.” U. S.

Department of Health and Human Services. July 2004. Web. 19 Jan. 2013.

Stein, Jonathan. “Texas, Run by Secessionist Guv, Has Received More Federal Disaster Relief

Than Any State.” 30 Apr. 2009. Web. 21 Jan. 2013

“Texas v. White.” Encyclopedia Britannica Online. Encyclopedia Britannica Inc., n.d. Web. 23

Jan. 2013.

United States. U. S. State Department Services. Dual Nationality. n.d., Web. 2 Feb. 2013.

Weber, Peter. “What would happen if Texas actually seceded?” The Week. 26 Nov. 2012.

Web. 23 Jan. 2012.

Bliss - a Foreign FilmEvaluation

I recently watched the movie entitled Bliss. It is a foreign production produced in Turkey,

and was shown with English subtitles. It was an engrossing film which kept the viewers’

attention, mainly due to the conflicts which a young Muslim girl faced. The setting was not

familiar to me, and I was not very knowledgeable of the customs of Turkey or the Muslim faith.

I did learn a lot from the film, and it led me to do further research to understand what, I felt, was

hateful treatment of Meryem by her family and the people in her village.

To set the stage for the evaluation, a short introduction to the movie plot is

provided.

Seventeen-year-old Meryem is found by a sheepherder near a lake

outside the village that she lives in. She is very dirty and unconscious, and

appears to be dead. When the sheepherder brings her back to the village,

the family assumes that her chastity has been compromised and she is

unclean in their eyes because it must have been her fault. Since Meryem has sinned, her

punishment is death, and her family wants her to kill herself. Her stepmother comes into the

shack where she is being held captive and gives her a rope, so that she may hang herself.

Meryem does try to hang herself, but as she is attempting this, she sees her unkind stepmother

watching her from outside. Meryem is praying, and although she does not remember what

happened to her, she knows she hasn’t committed a sin, and refuses to kill herself.

Meryem's distant cousin Cemal is returning from the military in a few days, and Cemal's

father, Ali Riza Amca, plans for her death at the hands of his son. Cemal accepts the order to

clean up the mess that Meryem has made. Meryem is told that Cemal is taking her to Istanbul,

but the real plan is that he kills her along the way, and her father approves of the plan.

The movie Bliss illustrates how defenseless a young girl is in Turkish society. She could

not remember how she had reached the lake outside the village, or what had happened to her.

Even though she said she had done nothing wrong, no one would believe her. She is female in

Turkey; therefore, it must have been her fault. In the world Meryem lives in, the man rules all

society, controls the family, and determines what a female's course of life will be. The customs

of the country and their religion dictate how they will live. It is forbidden for a female to be

touched by a man who is not her husband, nor to be alone with a man who is not a close family

member. Bliss is in the context of a Turkish religious society that lives the beliefs of their strict

religion. There is no flexibility, only the rigid way of life. The culture required Meryem to

perform ablution, which is a ritual purification. It is primarily used in the preparation for prayer,

but also after sexual activity. This ablution was to cleanse herself from her sin. To a Turkish

viewer, the rules are right. A young girl does not get a trial. Although she was asked to defend

herself, it was apparent that they would not believe her. The movie showed how unfair her

situation was and creates sympathy from the audience who are viewing the film. The culture

gives no alternative to Meryem but death. Family honor is more important than an individual’s

life. Consider the type of statements that were made by the men: "The matter must be cleared

up." "People are gossiping." The story causes a viewer from the Western world to reflect on why

a society is so unforgiving to such a young and obviously naïve girl. To an Eastern world viewer,

who follows Muslim beliefs, it would be acceptable to treat Meryem with no respect as a person.

In fact she had no identity as an individual, since she had no birth certificate. Outside the family,

no one would know that she had either lived or died. One point that was made was that Meryem

did not have a mother. It implied that she was not raised properly. She was afraid to speak up and

defend herself. Even as a child she would never complain when her stepmother beat her. Cemal

called her a "coward", a “whore" and would abuse her both mentally and physically. Because he

is a male family member who is to kill her, he feels his treatment of her is necessary. Meryem,

because she was innocent did not understand why she was called a whore and why she was being

treated so badly. To the others, she is pure, a good worker, and very clever. The boat owner,

Ifran, judged her as an individual of worth, but was an outsider in her world.

Most of the film felt dark and sinister. The background music was written in a minor key

and added to the unhappy atmosphere, especially in the village. The village was old and the

houses were plain and run down. The landscaping had hardly any color. Overcast weather added

to the hopeless feeling in the village. The music seemed lighter and happier in the Istanbul area,

and the whole atmosphere of the picture seemed to lighten up after the scenes changed. Dialogue

did not seem to flow smoothly, probably because it was in Turkish with English subtitles. The

film was very biased to the Turkish and Muslim culture and way of life. However, the story

would not have been the same without that influence.

To continue the story, Cemal hesitates to kill her and they arrive in Istanbul, where they

conceal their identity. During the travel Cemal has formed a deep attachment and caring for

Meryem. In the meantime, Cemal's father has hired men to search for them, kill Meryem and

bring Cemal back to the village so he can be punished. The assassins locate them and try to kill

Meryem. Cemal and Meryem escape from the assassins. Because of the attack on them, they

return to face whatever justice awaits them.

Aubree Dorrance

Texans! Know…Before You Go!Proposal

Every four years many voters do not agree with the outcome of the United States

Presidential election. In the last Presidential Election (2012) several residents of Texas were

among those who did not agree. At least 113,000

of them were unhappy and signed a petition to

secede from the United States of America.

Although, there are residents of the state in favor

of seceding, they are outweighed by those who do

not wish to leave the Union. A question is,

“Would it be legal under the U. S. Constitution for

a state to secede?” Substantial changes to life in Texas as well as many effects to the current

United States would take place if Texas were to establish itself as a separate country. Texans

should really consider the effects of leaving the Nation before taking such a foolish step.

Many wonder what would cause the citizens of Texas to seek secession from the United

States. Monetary issues are at the front of the arguments for secession. Yes, Texans pay a lot of

money in federal income taxes, close to 193.3 billion dollars in 2011. However, let’s look at all

the things that Texas gets for that price!

Texas has a complex Interstate highway system. It is made of I-10, I-20, I-30, I-40, and

I-44 which run from east to west across the state; I-27, I-35, I-37, I-45, and I-69 which run north

and south. This is many miles of roads, over 3,239 miles, which in fact were built and are

maintained by federal funding. The initial cost to build was enormous, but the maintenance

upkeep for the roads continues on an on. Can Texas residents afford to pay for this without

Federal support?

Aubree Dorrance

Texas is home to several U. S. military units including five Army, two Navy/Marine, and

eight Air Force bases. Over 108,835 active military personnel are a part of these facilities. On

top of this number are 84,000 plus members of reserve and National Guard units. Not only does

the United States Government support the buildings, equipment, and utilities of these operations,

the wages of the civilian and military personnel are paid by the Federal Government. Texas

benefits from the protection afforded by the military installations. The state also receives income

through sales taxes from the military wages spent in Texas and property taxes on the homes

military people own. The presence of the U. S. military in Texas adds a lot of dollars to the

state’s economy. Without statehood, Texas would be required to provide military forces with no

outside support. (It’s doubtful that Mexico will help them!)

Dallas, San Antonio, Austin, and Houston are very large cities in Texas, with major

international airports. These airports are federally subsidized by the U. S. Government. Also 13

National Parks in Texas are federally funded. If Texas was to secede, these parks would no

longer be federally funded. Historical sites, such as the Alamo (a U. S. Historical Landmark)

bring many tourists to Texas along with tourist’s money. Would

landmarks like the Alamo be maintained without U. S. support?

Education across the Nation is assisted by federal funds,

especially for underprivileged and minority children. Within the

Texas population of over 26 million (2012 estimate) 55.3% are in minority groups (Hispanic,

Black, Indian, and Asian). Twenty-seven percent of the population is under 18 years old. Texas

students were assisted by the U. S. Government to the tune of $40,688.181 in 2009. Only

California and New York received higher education contributions. As a comparison, Utah only

received $3,638,775. Who will buy Johnny’s books in the future? Remember, education is key

to a country’s success.

If Texas seceded the area would not receive Federal disaster relief. Advocates of

secession assert that Texas has not received help in the past from the Federal Government for

disaster relief. This is not a true fact. Texas received the highest amount of benefits from

Federal aid in 2009. Aside from whether or not U. S. relief funds went to Texas, there would be

no help available to them from the U. S. Government in the future.

It seems Texas gets a lot in return for their tax dollar! To sum up the monetary

advantages of leaving the Union, an analyst from the Dallas News (representing the Washington

Bureau) , Sean Collins Walsh, writes that Texas is ahead of the money game – the state receives

more federal aid than is paid in federal taxes by the residents. Money issues do not seem to be a

good reason to secede. With all the support that Texas receives from the U. S. Government,

Texas would be the losers in a secession battle.

Being a citizen of the United States is a privilege and an honor and should not be

dismissed so lightly. If Texas seceded from the Union, residents would no longer be citizens of

the United States. Although the residents are now U. S. citizens, according to law, they may be

required to give up that privilege after seeking citizenship in another country. Many Texas

residents are transplants from other states, and have family in different parts of the country. To

visit each other, the travelers would be crossing international borders and therefore need

passports. This would be a terrible inconvenience, and of course would require money and

resources to monitor 3,417 miles that form the “new” country’s border.

One of the major issues that drove so many Texans to sign petitions for secession was the

outcome of the Presidential election. Texans are historically Republican and very conservative.

The reelection of the liberal Democrat President Barack Obama did not sit well with them. Most

Conservative Republicans are against liberal issues such as gay marriage, abortions, and/or living

in a welfare state, ideas that most liberals support. Some Texans believe that the state should

secede so that they can follow their conservative Christian values without being subject to laws

which the Federal Government might invoke. Autonomy is important to Texans. They want to

enact laws which are in alignment with their values.

Although a few of the residents have signed petitions to secede, the majority of the

people will fight against secession. In previous years, Texas Governor Rick Perry, has wondered

about secession, but doesn’t actively support the effort by some Texas residents who have signed

petitions. Spokeswoman Catherine Frazier told the Dallas Morning News, “Governor Perry

believes in the greatness of our Union and nothing should be done to change it. But he also

shares the frustrations many Americans have with our Federal Government.” As the leader of

the State he realizes that the country has differences, but it is still the best place to live!

Altogether, Texas should remain a state because the United Stated is a sovereign Union.

We are a country as a whole. Although, each state has its own identify, the value of this Country

is the sum of its parts. The suggestion of Texas, or any state, separating from the Union is

ridiculous. Remember the Alamo? Texans fought at that time to separate from Mexico. They

then joined the United States of America. Remember the Civil War? The outcome was that the

United States would remain a country in total with all states belonging to the Union. A court

decision Texas vs White (1869) confirmed this.

After reading the information on Texas secession, one can only conclude that it is a fad

for Texans to demonstrate rebellion and dissatisfaction. Walsh says “…resenting the federal

government is as Texan as wearing cowboy boots.” Texans should not continue in their attempts

to secede, because they think the United State has problems. Rather than adding to the

predicament, they should become part of the solution. They could contribute to the good of the

Country by working to fix the few problems in the United States, not run away from them.

America is a great country, and was made great by the mixture of people that have settled here.

Texas joined the U. S. to become part of the greatest Nation, and should help it stay that way.

Texas, know… before you go!

Works Cited

“A ‘peaceful’ Texas secession would carry huge costs.” Star-Telegram. 20 Nov. 2012. Web.

25 Jan. 2013.

Boyd, Herb. “Texas at the Forefront of Secession Push.” New York Amsterdam News; 15 Nov

2012. 103(46), 4-4. Academic Search Premier. Web. 9 Mar. 2013.

Franklin, Ben. “State Secession and Dissolution from the Union on the Horizon: Pros and Cons

behind State Secession.” Info at Federaljack.com. 11 Nov. 2012. Web. 9 Mar. 2013.

Gibbs, Nancy. “Texas Tantrum.” Time: 4 May 2009, 173(17), 56-57. Academic Search Premier.

Web. 9 Mar. 2013.

Stein, Jonathan. “Texas, Run by Secessionist Guv, Has Received More Federal Disaster Relief

Than Any State.” 30 Apr. 2009. Web. 21 Jan. 2013

Texas Quick Facts. U. S. Census Bureau. U. S. Department of Commerce. Last Revision 14

Mar 2013. Web. 16 Apr. 2013

“Texas v. White.” Encyclopedia Britannica Online. Encyclopedia Britannica Inc. n.d. Web. 23

Jan. 2013.

United States. U. S. State Department Services. Dual Nationality. n.d., Web. 2 Feb. 2013.

U. S. Department of Education. The Administration. Office of Management and Budget. 2010.

Web. 15 Apr. 2013.

U. S. Military Major Bases and Installations: Texas. About. Com US Military. n.d. Web. 16

Apr. 2013.

Walsh, Sean Collins. Washington Bureau. Dallas News. 05 Aug. 2012. Web 17 Apr. 2013.

Peer Review- By Aubree DorranceLynzee WallentineEnglish 2010-Professor MinerEvaluationFebruary 22, 2013

Who Shot Juanito Bandito ?

“Who Shot Juanito Bandito” has got to be THE funniest musical production I have ever

seen in my life. This explains Lynzee’s feeling for the play. It is explicit. It was performed by

the cast of the Pickleville Playhouse, and written by Juanito Bandito himself (T.J. Davis). When

I say he wrote the play, I mean that he wrote the script and composed the music. This group of

actors put on an amazing performance. In fact, I think I could say it was flawless. This statement

is a repeat of her opinion that it was amazing. However it is not certain, because of the

expression “I Think” .The Pickleville Playhouse is always a huge hit though, no matter what play

they are putting on. However, this play, in my opinion, was their most popular play, and nearly

sold out every night it was put on. It is such an incredible musical performed by a great group of

people. This is a feeling that implies the production is good

Ever since I was little, I can remember attending Pickleville Playhouse’s plays. It was

something I looked forward to every summer, considering that at the time, they only performed

in the summer season in Bear Lake. It is safe to say that these performers were some of my

favorite people. I wanted to be just like them when I grew up. The Pickleville Family (literally, it

is a family ran business), are a great group of people who make everyone feel special. As the

years have gone by, it has been fun to see how the actors progress and become better. There is no

doubt that the “Juandito (spelling?) Bandito” series are the most impressive, because I have got

the opportunity to watch T.J. Davis transform into the remarkable playwright that he is.

Juanito Bandito is actually the villain in the play; however, his bubbly personality makes

it very difficult to dislike him. His goal is to rob every bank in the United States. He has two evil

assistants who aren’t the brightest, but like to help him. A beautiful reporter, a hometown hero,

and a lawman seem to get in the way of him reaching his goal. While the hero is trying to beat

the villain, the lawman is trying to steal away the beautiful reporter from the hero. So pretty

much everyone is against everyone and it is a free for all! In the end of the musical, there are lots

of twists and turns. The hero is a washed up villain whose past has been brought up by the selfish

lawman when he was trying to steal the reporter. The lawman becomes the villain that no one

likes, Juanito Bandito changes for the better, and the hero and reporter fall in love. There could

not have been a better ending to the already magnificent musical. Giving away the ending causes

the reader to lose interest.

One thing that makes the play uniquely different from other plays is that the actor, who

plays Juanito Bandito, T.J. Davis, improvises a lot during the whole play. He is just naturally

funny so he can add lines in the play that will give the audience a kick! It takes a lot of skill to

improvise, and he was so amazing at it. He is definitely a great actor. Sometimes he would make

jokes that even the people acting couldn’t hold back from laughing at. Another thing he did was

involve the audience. He would literally talk to us and expect us to talk back. At the beginning of

the play, he came out and just talked to us. I assume he was trying to get to know the audience so

he could use things from the conversation to crack jokes about in the rest of the play. Last but not

least, he uses an accent that just adds to the whole comedy part of the play. This guy is

outstanding!

With every performance that Pickleville puts on, the costumes are a close second to the

best thing about Pickleville Playhouse, next to the people there. They are simply flattering. The

detail of the costumes really helped bring up the personalities of the characters and added to the

full effect of the musical.

Something I noticed about the musical that can be easily related to anyone’s life is the life

of the hero cowboy. In his past, he actually described himself as a villain, committing crimes the

same as the present villain. It was obvious to me, and everyone else in the audience, that this

character had changed his life around, and ended up being a really good guy. Often times in

reality, one can dwell on their past mistakes and become obsessed with the idea that they can’t

change. This musical is really good at expressing the message that one can change if they set

their mind to it. A better person exists in everyone; it just takes a little digging and exploring to

discover that person.

Like I said, this musical is the funniest musical ever. I could see it over and over again

and it would never get old. The set was very good, the acting was phenomenal, and the singing

was simply outstanding. I don’t know how T.J. Davis came up with such a brilliant story line,

but he did. Not only did he create the story, but he also told it. This family-fun musical could be

watched countless times, while being able to keep the same affect on the audience. I would

recommend this play for everyone to see! This is a good conclusion!

1. In what specific passages is the topic thoroughly explained? Are the evaluation criteria clear and appropriate for the audience? Mark the criteria. (Criteria can be explicit or implicit - if implicit explain what you believe they are) Are there passages in which specific details are given that relate to the criteria and answer readers’ questions? Mark them. Are there passages that mention different perspectives (positive and negative) on the thing being evaluated? In which passages could the evaluation be clearer or more useful to readers? What are some strategies to do this? The first paragraph explained the topic of the evaluation paper. Lynzee explains that the play was entertaining, had great actors, and was well done. No negative statements were given, only positive opinions.

2. What are some strategies that might make the introduction more engaging? I realize that this is Lynzee’s opinion, but I think less use of the word “I” would be better.

3. How would you describe the voice? At what points does that voice seem appropriate, given my intended audience and topic? What strategies might make the voice clearer or more appropriate? Throughout the paper I can tell that she is very happy and excited about the performance. It was good in the conclusion. However, there was a lot of information repeated throughout the paper. Ideas could be expressed as facts, not so much as opinions.

4. Are there clear expectations for the readers, and links between paragraphs or larger sections of text? What strategies would make the structure of the evaluation clear? Originally the reader may wish to see the play. However, not only is the plot of the play explained, but also the ending. The reader has no reason to see the play,

5. How does the conclusion reinforce or extend the value judgment being made in the evaluation? What strategies would make the conclusion more effective? The conclusion is good. It is a final reinforcement of her feelings for the play.

6. If the evaluation includes photographs or other visual elements, does this material contribute to the clarity and usefulness of my evaluation? Does the writer need to add or revise captions for pictures or legends for charts or graphs? Are there any places in the draft where visual information needs to be added? If so, what kind(s) of visuals should they be?

The photograph shows the costumes of the actors which the author liked. It would have helped the reader if the characters were identified. Adding captions would help.

7. What does the writer do especially well in the draft? The writer shows her enthusiasm for the performance.

8. What one or two things would most improve the draft?Throughout the evaluation the writer has repeated the same opinions several times. It seemed to jump from topic to topic and did not flow well.