walking through depression

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  • 8/14/2019 Walking Through Depression

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    Walking inalking inthe Deserthe DesertA Poetic JourneyPoetic JourneyThroughhrough

    Depressionepression

    Poetry by RoadRunnerWith Illustrations by ClaraT

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    Trials ........................................................................................ 3

    IWait........................................................................................ 4God? ......................................................................................... 5

    IstheStillWaterStillStill?.................................................... 6TheHornofPlenty................................................................. 7ICravedtheRaw.................................................................... 8TheCrux .................................................................................. 9DeepCallstoDeep............................................................... 10DesertThought..................................................................... 11FromMyCave ...................................................................... 12HiccupsandHammertoes .................................................. 13TheMysteryEncoded.......................................................... 14TheologyandAuntBee....................................................... 16HisPresence.......................................................................... 17ResurrectionIntersection .................................................... 18

    Table of Contents

    Copyright 2008

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    Theundertakingoftribulanttrials

    Offereduntousinmidstofourfeast

    Abortingthecomfortofcirclingsmiles

    Catchingourfancywhenwehungerleast.

    Clarioncallfromindigoforest

    Darklyinvitinginsistentmystique

    Bidofahiddenpower,enormous,

    Invisiblypulled,nowsensesarepiqued.

    Thusthejourneyofspiritisstarted

    Compasssurrendered,defensesstrippedbare,

    Sunkdeepinstreamswithcouragedeparted

    Theveiloffantasynolongerthere.

    Onjourneysendingwemakeourreturn

    ButsunkdeepinsideustheSpiritburns.

    Trials

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    IfIwriteinchalk,

    Itcanbeerased.

    IfIwriteinink,

    Itcanbeshredded.

    WhenIlookforpermanence,

    Ifindtransience.

    Ibowbeforethechangeless

    Inmyconstantlychangingbody,

    Withmy

    constantly

    changing

    mind.

    IreadthatIwascreated alittlelowerthantheangels

    Should littlelower reallyread deathanddecay?

    IdonotreachtotheheavenstofindYou.

    Isinkintomyself

    Ireleaseall

    Thisbriefinterludebetweentwodustyfields

    Andhere,inmymosthopeless,helpless,haplessestate

    Iwait

    I Wait

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    God,

    AmIusingthewronglanguage?

    Am

    I

    sitting

    in

    the

    wrong

    position?

    Doyoureallyprefer

    theKingJamestranslation?

    DidIaccidentallybreatheinthroughmymouth

    whenIshouldhaveusedmynose?

    DoIneed

    abetter

    devotional?

    AreyoumadbecauseImbehindonmytithe?

    HaveyouleftourchurchforthePresbyterian

    Churchdowntheroad?

    DidIhitacoupleofsournotesinthelasthymnwesang?

    Doyoureallyknoweverything?

    IfIletgo,willyoucatchme?

    Aretheseallthewrongquestions?

    Canavoidholdalltheanswers?

    God?

    God?

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    Isthestillwaterstillstill

    Wherethetanagerandthewhippoorwill

    Serenadefromwillowytendrils?

    Doesthatnuminousfountainstillflow

    Wateringallofthevalleysbelow

    Becoming,inYourlove,alovelyBordeaux?

    AreSacredsongsstillsung

    Aretherepraisesfromeverytongue

    Isthereareachablefinalrung?

    InthedrynessallowedbyYourWill

    Inthesilencecomingoverthehills

    Mysoulsicklyshrills

    Isthestillwaterstillstill?

    Is the Still Water Still Still?

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    TheHornofPlenty,soundingoutmyname,

    Acornucopiaofenticements

    LadyFortuneinvitesmetohergame

    Promisingthesoughtforenlightenment.

    Comeuntome, shecallsinmydistress

    Andyouwillfindthecomfortforyoursoul,

    Butfrosty

    fear

    pours

    forth

    from

    her

    caress

    Sosoftatfirst,butthenlikehangmanshold.

    Temptationsoftcomeknockingatmydoor

    Someindisguise,andsomewithFenrisfeet,

    Theybeckonandpromiseshimmeringshores

    AndEdenlikeadventuresohsosweet.

    Ihesitate,beforeIletthemin,

    Andinthatspaceacosmicwarbegins.

    The Horn of Plenty

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    Icravedtheraw

    Icravedthereal

    Andinmyzeal...

    Ifell.

    Awakingtoapalloredstate

    Whereshadesoftemptingtawdrytastes

    Contendasapplestomyeye

    Portendingshacklesbyandby.

    Ichoosetheruseandthusensues

    Theyearsofapplecoresaccrued

    But,hungrystill,itsnotthethrills

    Forwhichmysoulwithlongingtrills.

    Fromsomewheredeepwithinmyshame

    Ibattleghoststhatstoletheflame

    MySelfisdealtamortalblow

    Ibleed,

    but

    freed,

    am

    free

    to

    know

    ThatGodisraw

    AndGodisreal

    Andinmyzeal...

    Ikneel.

    I Craved the Raw

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    I,bornintotime,

    Seekingthetimeless.

    God,timeless,

    Seekingtobebornintotime?

    Iguess

    the

    crux

    of

    the

    matter

    Isthepointwherethepathscross.

    The Crux

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    IfIstandinthemiddleofadesert

    Andlookup

    AmIalone?

    AretherenotcataractsofLivingWater

    Foreverreviving

    Mysoul?

    IsnottheBreadofHeaven

    Mannalike

    Bestowed?

    Angelicvoices

    Choirlike

    Intoned?

    ACloudofWitnessesFirebright

    Shown?

    ThedesertdoesnotdivideGodsown.

    Desert Thought

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    Deepcallstodeep

    ThedeeptruthoftheuniverseCallstothedeepthirstofmysoul

    And,onceawakened,

    Thereisnoreturningtotheformer

    Safe,predictable,wellmanicuredlife.

    Thepull

    OfthePeacethatpassesunderstandingIsnotpacifiedbyperipheralpretenses

    Ofdevotion

    Commotionreignsandbearingslost

    Untilthetossed

    Aredeliveredontoashore

    Where,indeed,

    All

    things

    are

    new.

    Deep Calls to Deep

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    Ithoughtmyselfalone

    My

    voice

    a

    mere

    moan

    Emittingfrommycave

    Ofloneliness...

    Whilethusenslaved

    ThemirageYoustaved

    Saved,onceagain,

    Thisclaustrophobe.

    Forthousandsandthousandsandthousandsofsouls

    EventhismomentdoYouextoll

    Myvoiceameremorselcomparedtothefeast

    Thatsofferedupdailyandlaidatyourfeet.

    Significant? No,

    Myrhythmsandrhymes

    Aredoomed

    to

    succumb

    TothepressuresofTime

    Butjustforthismoment

    Withsoulsindelight

    Weallraiseourvoice

    Tolightupthenight.

    From My Cave

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    hiccupsandhammertoes

    piecesofwoe

    allowedbyHiswill

    mishapsandmayhem

    produceconsternation

    thethroneisHisstill

    lewdnessandlying

    thehungryarecrying

    theguiltlessaresighing

    thereisnodenying

    dying

    surroundedbypain

    immersedindespond

    hopedrains

    faithwanes

    savedbygrace

    hintsofaplace

    bespeaksaspace

    untouched

    untorn

    wherethosewhoarecrushed

    whosehopeshavebeenhushed

    aresought,caught,bought...

    andborn.

    Hiccups andHammertoes

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    The Mystery EncodedThehelixholdsthemasterplan

    Deepwithinitsdoublestrand

    Twistedandcoiled,readytospring

    Likeacattogivelifetoamyriadofbeings.

    Deepwithin,themysteryencoded

    Waitstobecomethemysteryunfolded,

    Beautyand

    wonder

    ready

    to

    pour

    Theirlightwherelifehadbeenabsentbefore.

    TheOnewhosatthroughoutthenight

    Designingwhatdaywouldbringtolight

    Releasesthehelixtonowexpress

    Allofcreation,andthisHeblessed.

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    Onedayanonuponaboat,

    Tryingto

    keep

    Creation

    afloat,

    Afamilyalongwithapairfromeachhelix,

    Enduringastormthatthreatenstodealit

    Alifeendingblowtheysomehowendureit

    Andfindingdrylandtheirfortuneensuresthat

    Theyonceagainhavebeenreleased

    Tofilltheearthandlifeincrease.Adifferentage,adifferentstage,

    AndLifeagainwithinthedark

    Avitalrayputintoplay

    ByOnewhoselightcrosstimedidarc.

    Theearthiscold,creationstilled,

    Adreadfullydarklibationswilled,

    Allhopeseemslost,atsuchacost,

    Insadnesswilltheearthbetilled.

    Butonthatdarkest,saddestmourn,

    Againstalloddsalightisborne

    Therayemergesfromthecave

    Claimsvictorynowforthoseenslaved.

    Nowonceagainthehelicesthrive

    Burstingwithjoyatbeingalive

    Themysteryunfoldedinstillsabelief

    ThemysteryencodedaPathway

    to

    Peace.

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    Ontogenyrecapitulates

    phylogeny

    Ilearned

    Yearsago

    Andso

    Embryologyatemytheology

    Severedmycosmologyandthrew

    Mebacktoprimordialstew

    Phew!!

    Overtheyears

    Wellsimmered

    Butwithvisiondimmer

    Nowcatchingaglimmer

    Ahint

    Anevanescentshimmer

    Ofamomentsublime,

    Adimpleintime,

    When

    God

    crossed

    the

    line

    Anddined.

    Ilovethesimplerthingsnow

    Acatinthelap

    OpieandAuntBee

    Ahymn

    sing.

    Andthoseargumentssofine

    Justseemtoresign

    Neaththebreadandthewine.

    Theology andAunt Bee

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    Onquiet,gentlebreeze

    Onquiet,mentalseas

    Hispresencecanbesensed

    Asworldfrommindisrinsed.Thepresentseemstranscended

    HisPresencenowisblended

    Withallwithin,without,

    Evictingeverydoubt.

    InvigilanceImstill,

    Thevisionsentfulfills

    Alivinglifelongquest,

    Verbumcarofactumest.

    (TheWordismadeflesh.)

    His Presence

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    Wheredry,parchedgroundmeetsgentlerain

    Thatsoftlyfallsandthussustains

    Potentiallifeawaitingthere

    Silentseedswhosesoulsarebare.

    Whereachingheartmeetsgentlehand

    Thatdriesthetearsandunderstands

    Thedarksideofourjourneyhere

    Aworldthatsrifewithdoubtandfear.

    Resurrection Intersection

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    Wheresearchingmindmeetsgentleclues

    Thatlightthepathbeyondtheruse

    Thattries

    to

    hold

    our

    vision

    here

    Whileallaroundtheskiesareclear.

    Wherecrossbarmeetssupportingpost

    WhereupontheLordofHosts

    DeliveredupHisHolyGhost

    ForwhatHetrulytreasuredmost.

    Thisintersectionlivesinside

    Apeacefulplacewhereloveabides

    Andpowersupandjoltsawake

    Oursoulstoneverendinggrace.