vol. 11 no. 27

pg 4 • MAROON WEEKLY • April 15, 2015 • maroonweekly.com

Album:Stranger to Ourselves

Album:Future Hearts

Album:American Candy

Album:New Glow

Release Date:March 17, 2015

Release Date:April 7, 2015

Release Date:March 31, 2015

Release Date:April 7, 2015

Brad Paisley Brad Paisley Brad PaisleyModest Mouse The Maine Matt and Kim

All Time Low has dropped their much-anticipated sixth album “Future Hearts.” The band delivers a compilation of pop-punk anthems and catchy songs that are bound to please their fans.

They’ll hook you in with the first track “Satellite,” a short two-minute song whose first few seconds are static and unintelligible words. They’ll keep you listening with impassioned anthems “Kids in the Dark” and “Dancing With A Wolf,” and superb collaborations “Tidal Waves” and “Bail Me Out.” And they’ll leave you reeling with the final song, “Old Scars / Future Hearts.”

“Future Hearts” is evidence that All Time Low has matured since their first album back in 2005. They showcase their advanced songwriting skills with phrases such as “In the dark there’s a light that’s calling everyone out,” and craft a story that creates hope as listeners hear “This life is mine to live.”

Modest Mouse has been running in the indie rock and electronic music scene since 1993 and thriving in the atmosphere. Three years after their formation, they released their first studio album titled “This Is a Long Drive for Someone with Nothing to Think About.” And that 1996 album was just the beginning of a long, prosperous musical career.

This newest addition to the band’s prolific list of albums, titled “Strangers To Ourselves,” does not disappoint. While some of it is very eccentric and quirky, the overall soulful mood of the album leaves listeners relaxed. It may take a few listens to warm up to, but it’s worth it in the long run. This one is well crafted but does not stand out among their other albums. It fits comfortably within their known realm of indie rock, and does not stray outside of that.

The Maine, American rock band from Tempe, Arizona, has released its newest album: “American Candy.” Their first extended play album featuring six original tracks was released in 2007 when the band first formed. They’ve since released five studio albums. Band members include John O’Callaghan on lead vocals and piano, Jared Monaco on lead guitar, Kennedy Brock on rhythm guitar and backup vocals, Garrett Nickelsen on bass, and Patrick Kirch on drums and percussion. The Maine’s sound combines alternative rock and pop punk. “American Candy” is very much in line with their previous work, so fans should be pleased. “Miles Away” and “English Girls” are some of the more popular tracks off the new album. Tracks such as “(Un)Lost” and “Another Night on Mars” are fun because they give you pop punk in a way that’s a little less straightforward and generic.

Indie duo Matt and Kim released their new album, “New Glow” on April 7. The album is upbeat and random, catchy and rhythmic. Matt and Kim did a great job avoiding the whiny sound that comes with a lot of indie music. Instead, they sing the same lyrics about the world ending and hating expensive suits but with a comical twist instead. “Get it” starts off with a cool mixture of grunting noises, or at least as cool as grunting noises can be. They definitely have a “road less traveled” attitude throughout the whole album. The lyrics “We all sing along, but the notes are wrong” from “Get it” nicely sum up the attitude of the album with a “be yourself and be weird” kind of notion.

By Linley McCord

By Adrianna Zampieri

By Abigail Stricker By Annabeth Reeb

Music ReviewsAll Time

Low

maroonweekly.com • April 15, 2015 • MAROON WEEKLY • pg 5

Album:New Glow

The Grand Stafford Theater will be spotlighting three talented singer-songwriters on Saturday, April 18 for a night of performances you won’t forget.

Pittsburg native Steve Moakler will play in Bryan-College Station as a stop in his Humble Operations Tour. A former contestant on American Idol, Moakler had dreams that reached the stars, and even when he was sent home, his dreams never faltered. Moakler is now making a name for himself all on his own.

In the past, he tried to squeeze himself into the stereotypical mold of a pop artist or country musician, but he eventually decided to stay true to himself and write about what matters to him. He calls songwriting a “process of giving,” and the “best songs are the ones that expose us.” Moakler has released three full-length albums; his most recent is “Wide Open,” a captivating compilation of soulful songs that will have you listening to the album on repeat.

Joining Moakler will be Ben Danaher, a man who describes himself as “just a music fan.” In 2009, he dropped his first independent release “Perfectly in Two,” and in 2013 he released his EP “Starting Over.” Above all, Danaher strives for honesty in his music. He creates what he believes to be a true reflection of his emotions. Currently, Danaher is working on an EP dedicated to his father and brother.

Corey Kilgannon, born in the outskirts of New York and raised on the coast of Florida, is the last of the three performers. His latest studio release, “The Hollow,” consists of only five tracks, but it makes an impact. With haunting melodies, a soothing guitar, and his expressive voice, Kilgannon is able to inject passion into his music.

With such an impressive display of talent, this is a performance you don’t want to miss. The show starts at 8pm, and tickets are only $12.

Steve Moakler @ Grand StaffordBy Adrianna Zampieri

meet the teamPUBLISHER

Chris Shepperd

BUSINESS MANAGERLeisha Shepperd

MANAGING EDITORLuke Murray

ASSISTANT EDITOR/COPYEDITINGBarbara Hosler

PHOTOGRAPHERSPeyton Boles

Lauren Howes

STAFF WRITERBrad Cox

MARKETING INTERNPeyton Boles

Ally White

WRITING INTERNSLinley McCord

Annabeth ReebAbigail Stricker

Adrianna Zampieri

DISTRIBUTIONCody Atkinson

Lindsay CoxDaryl Dorman

Randy Shepperd

Maroon Weekly is an independent, publication and is not affiliated with

Texas A&M University. Maroon Weekly receives no student fees or university

funding.

Opinions are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views

and opinions of the editor, publisher or the newspaper staff. Maroon Weekly

is not liable for omissions, misprints or typographical errors. No part of this

publication may be reproduced without the express consent of the publisher.

© Copyright 2015 Campus Press LP

thescoop

WHAT: STEVE MOAKLERWHERE: GRAND STAFFORD THEATERWHEN: APRIL 18 @ 8:00PM

pg 6 • MAROON WEEKLY • April 15, 2015 • maroonweekly.compg 26 • MAROON WEEKLY • January 29, 2014 • maroonweekly.compg 28 | maroonweekly.com | 01.23.13THINK


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By Abigail Stricker

Machinal“Machinal” – a play by American playwright Sophie Treadwell – will be performed on stage at Rudder Forum over the next two weeks. “Machinal” is the true story of Ruth Snyder who (SPOILER ALERT) was convicted and executed for murder. “Machinal” premiered on Broadway in 1928 but is now being reinvented. The play follows Helen, a young woman of the jazz age, as she continually strives for and then compromises her dreams. While trying to fulfill the restrictive roles of women in society, Helen marries, as is expected of her. But it’s not for love. And that is ultimately her undoing.

The play may be a tragedy – and be assured that it is – but it deals with larger themes of boldness and love, which are always and forever applicable. The original Broadway production of “Machinal” received rave reviews and was featured in “The Best Plays of 1928-1929” by 1920s American theatre critic Burns Mantle. You should be aware that (SPOILER ALERT) Helen is executed in an electric chair for murdering her husband.

Performance dates are April 16-18 and April 23-25 at 8:00pm and April 19 and 26 at 4:00pm. Tickets will be available at the MSC Box Office for $5 for students and $10 for general admission.

thescoop

WHAT: MACHINALWHERE: RUDDER FORUMWHEN: APRIL 16-26


Downtown Bryan will get an extra splash of color when the Sixth Annual Street and Art Fair kicks off on April 18. Started in 2009, the fair has become a favorite area tradition where exhibitors come out to show their best work, and passers by can admire the exquisite talent of BCS residents.

The event will be from 10am to 6pm and will have a variety of activities. Kids will be able to show off their aspiring art skills by doing different crafts, painting, and other activities. These will be put on by Texas A&M organizations and organizations from around town.

There will also be live entertainment throughout the day, as well as hands-on things to do for people of all ages. From how-to guides on how to create your own works of art, to watching some great live performances, the Street and Art Fair will not disappoint.

The variance in artistry is enough to take your breath away. You’ll find any kind of art you’re interested in, such as pottery, paintings, jewelry and photography, with a dozen other types in between.

These artists have been working steadily at their trade, and are ready to show off. So come out to the free Downtown Street and Art Fair on April 18!

6th Annual Street and Art Fair

thescoop

WHAT: STREET AND ART FAIRWHERE: DOWNTOWN BRYANWHEN: APRIL 18

By Linley McCord

maroonweekly.com • January 29, 2014 • MAROON WEEKLY • pg 23

OMNI STUDYOrganization skills are habitually dishonored immediately following the stress of midterms, finals, homework, and outside commitments. But Omni Study keeps you organized when your schedule starts to crumble. It creates a structured layout of classes, assignments, and obligations into one app and also includes class times and professor’s names along with events and assignments tallied for each class. It includes push notifications, tracks progress, and supports block schedules, too. The best thing is that it comprises grades in a way that allows users to grasp what grade is required on the next assignment to either achieve the next letter grade or to maintain a current letter grade in a class. So throw out that cumbersome analog planner and contract the digital era of scheduling by downloading Omni Study. – 99 cents

FOTOPEDIA Fotopedia is like a user travel encyclopedia with text and pics that chronicles your adventures. It can be used all over the world, because it was designed with traveling in mind, or in your own backyard. Users can browse entries crafted by locals and travelers’ from virtually all parts of the world as well as create their own experiences for other users to see and read. Imagine if Google Maps had thousands of tour guides to go with it, recommending the best things to see (with images) in everywhere from Bogota to Belgium. –Free

SCRIBEScribe allows iPhone users to copy and paste anything from a Mac to their phone almost effortlessly and without Wi-Fi. It uses low-energy Bluetooth, which saves battery life and keeps all devices synced with a secure connection. The app works on all Macs and iOS devices, and your devices must be compatible with Bluetooth LE. Now you can send photos, notes, phone numbers and more from your Mac to your phone without plugging in. - Free

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The overabundance of college students, parents, siblings, grandparents, pets, crazy family friends, etc. that can be expected to show up for parents’ weekend is a little intimidating. You may be tempted to stock up on microwaveable meals, queue up all your favorite movies, and barricade your door. But the flood of people that is parents’ weekend brings with it a flood of fun activities. It’s time for a pro/con list, right? Here are a few of the activities going on during Parents’ Weekend, April 17-19, should you choose to participate.

The SEC Men’s Tennis Championship will be held at Texas A&M this weekend, so if you feel like wandering over (if a 20-30 minute walk can be called wandering) to the tennis courts on West Campus, there should be plenty of tennis to see. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at 12pm.

The Aggie Moms’ Club will be hosting the Aggie Moms’ Boutique Friday from 10:30am to 5pm on the second floor of the Memorial Student Center. The event consists of an Aggie gift and craft fair. Moms, you’re the best!

Head to the Administration building on Friday at 7:30pm for a Movie on the Lawn. Families are encouraged to bring lawn chairs and blankets to sit on – but if you’d rather lug a beanbag chair out there, go for it. What are they going to do? Popcorn and refreshments will be provided for free. But we’re sure they’ll let you pay if you want to. Just don’t make a scene and start throwing dollar bills at the screen. They are showing Monsters University, after all. Children are allowed (and probably preferred), and you don’t want to scare them, though it would be on theme with the movie.

The Downtown Street and Art Fair will be Saturday from 10am to 6pm. This particular event first began in 2009 and promises to be very artsy – in case you’re into that. The fair features artists from all across Texas selling their drawings, paintings, jewelry, pottery, glass and metal art, etc. Live background music is also provided.

The Texas A&M baseball team will take on Arkansas on Friday at 6:35pm, Saturday at 7:30pm, and Sunday at 3pm.

Lastly, if you’d like a sneak peak of Kyle Field, join the 12th Man Foundation at the War Hymn statue on the east side of Kyle Field for a tour of the new press box!

So, are you convinced? Are you planning to partake? If not, maybe you’ll forget it’s Parents’ Weekend and accidentally run out to the grocery store – ha! But seriously, there’s some cool stuff (some of it free) that is well worth checking out.

Parents’ Weekend ActivitiesBy Abigail Stricker


Get the Goods:Facebook

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Instagram@maroonweekly“Every time a pitcher clings, an Aggie gets their ring.”

The most anticipated day of the spring 2015 semester is just around the corner: Ring Day. On April 17, thousands of Aggies will finally get their hands on that highly sought little piece of gold called the Aggie Ring, and every Aggie knows it’s a rite of passage to dunk it.

The Aggie Ring has been around since the class of 1889, but the Ring Dunk first started in the 1970s at the Dixie Chicken. Since then, it’s become a tradition. Just drop your ring in a pitcher full of beer, chug it all down, and catch the ring between your teeth.

Many Aggies often compete during a dunk, racing against the clock to see who can drink the fastest. But chugging a pitcher full of beer isn’t for everyone. So dunk it your way.

Don’t like beer? Choose liquor instead, such as vodka, rum or tequila. Just don’t drink a whole pitcher of it. Take a shot or two. Alcohol poisoning is not the goal here.

Don’t like alcohol at all? Not yet legal? Choose a nonalcoholic beverage instead, such as lemonade, sweet tea, or soda. Apple juice would be a great substitute as well; you could fool your friends into thinking you were drinking beer but you actually wouldn’t be. No matter what you choose, some drinks are harder to gulp down than others, so choose wisely.

Don’t stop there because customizing your pitcher is as important as what goes in it. Make it personal so it’ll be a memento you’ll never throw away by bedazzling it with rhinestones. Or draw bright, colorful designs with markers. Decorate it with streaks of paint. Make it undeniably yours. If you’d prefer to stay traditional, local stores such as Aggieland Outfitters offer a small selection of fancy pitchers to choose from.

However you choose to dunk your ring or what you choose to dunk it in, remember the most important thing: don’t swallow your ring.

Dunk It Your WayBy Adrianna Zampieri


We all know that Texas A&M University is the greatest institution on land or sea. We know that Aggies are beautiful people, and we’re better than every other tea-sippin’ student body around. Why? True grit and true spirit, fueled by passion and built on a ring of gold. With Ring Day knocking on your door, here’s the lowdown for those who may or may not understand.

1. Get accepted into Texas A&M. Make sure your application is good because they only have so many rings and there are a lot of high school graduates fighting to get one.

2. Choose your classes. This one doesn’t matter as much; because they don’t care what your major is when it’s finally time to wear the gold.

3. Don’t fail out. If you don’t reach 90 hours before your GPA slips too low, what was the point of coming?

4. Fill up those 90 required hours in any way possible; 16 hours a semester, summer school, it doesn’t matter. The faster you get ‘em, the better.

5. Choosing your ring. Be careful here. Shiny or antique? Diamond? Think hard before you get one of those, because some Aggies may call you out for “bad bull” if you haven’t earned your first million. But then again, your ring has a diamond on it and theirs doesn’t. Who wins now?

6. Take your “I ordered my Aggie Ring” picture. This one’s important. You have to prepare everyone on your Facebook before the big moment. You wouldn’t want to

blind-side them. They need to know your every move, and this is certainly a big step.

7. Invite closest friends and family to Ring Day. Forget graduation, this is when you need them. You need AT LEAST five people to help you make the line outside of Ring Day unbearable long. It just wouldn’t be the same if someone didn’t get trampled.

8. PICTURES! We’re talking Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, any way you can spread the joy. If just one of your acquaintances doesn’t know you got your ring, then you did it all wrong.

9. Plan your ring dunk. If yours isn’t better than your friend’s, then you’re a big disappointment to your family. You’re required to have a keg, it’s mandated. You need to invite a bunch of people, some don’t even need to be your friends, as long as you can pack out the backyard. You’ll need a lot of food - fajitas or barbecue is always a safe bet. And be sure to invite that one drunk cousin who hits on all your friends.

10. DUNK IT! If you didn’t practice, too late now. Pour your beer early so it has time to warm up and lose carbonation, this will only help you out. Time to go bottoms up or belly up, just don’t stop or you’ll lose momentum. You need to down the whole pitcher before it hits bottom because nothing bounces back like flat beer.

Congratulations, and welcome to the Aggie family.

BONUS STEP: Finish your degree if you want, but who’s going to look at some paper when you’ve already got that gold!

Quest for the Aggie RingBy Annabeth Reeb


Food:Everyone’s got to eat – and the Bryan-College Station area has you covered – but there are some distinct tricks of the trade when it comes to dining out during Parents’ Weekend, and the Maroon Weekly wants to help your food go down easier.

While you may be craving some College Station classics, such as Fuego or Layne’s, beware of the long lines. With several thousand people packing into this town, everyone is going to want a bite of Aggieland. Plan your day around your food choices – there is nothing wrong with an early or late meal. Some delicious restaurants that don’t take reservations are Chuy’s, Hullabaloo Diner, Fuego, Torchy’s, Layne’s, Koppe Bridge, and Casa Rodriguez. But be warned: those places will get crowded during lunch and dinner.

If you’re a planner, making reservations won’t be a bad idea. Places like Napa Flatts, Café Capri, and Madden’s all take reservations for large groups, and prepare quality food for the weekend. While those are a little on the upper price scale, between $10-$20 per meal, you will not be disappointed by the quality of food. Also remember that BJ’s Restaurant takes reservations until the day you want a reservation. Save your spot in the Pizookie line while you can!

Lastly, don’t be afraid to go off the beaten path. Great places in Bryan, such as C&J’s Barbeque or Chicken Oil

Company are family and stomach friendly. Downtown Bryan also has some great restaurants, namely Papa Perez or Mr. G’s Pizza. Hungry for brunch? Blackwater Draw on Northgate has got your back.

For Ring Day:You will definitely want to get to the Clayton W. Williams, Jr. Alumni Center at least 30-45 minutes before the scheduled time to pick up your ring. Allot more time if the ring ceremony is in the middle of the afternoon.

Parking on campus is limited, but there are plenty of residential areas across the street that are within walking distance to the Alumni Center. Pay attention to street signs and don’t park in some stranger’s driveway, and you should be good to go.

Staying together as a group is probably the most important part of the day. There are going to be a lot of people there, and it will be easy to lose track of each other. So stick together, and enjoy the day.

Have someone handy to take pictures while the ring is being presented, but don’t spend too much time in the actual building. Trying to get a picture in there can be nightmarish with so many people running around. Thankfully, going outside the building will allow you more room and time to take good pictures sporting that Aggie bling.

By Linley McCord

Parents’ WeekendFood and Bling


MR JUMP - BY LINLEY MCCORDIf you’re tired of checking Instagram or getting bored of being hit by cars in Crossy Road, try out the app store’s newest game, Mr. Jump. You’re given a small avatar man who runs remarkably fast and you have to help him jump over obstacles. He moves quickly and some of the spikes that block your way come up even faster. This isn’t a game to play while you multitask, but it will definitely sharpen your reflexes.

The first level comes with a steep learning curve as players have to adjust to the speed, but if you’re used to having games in which you use quick reactions, you should be fine. After each death, the game gives you a percentage of how far you’ve gone, but it also tracks your attempts, which can be discouraging.

GETYOURGUIDE - BY ABIGAIL STRICKERGetYourGuide is your new go-to app for travel (or at least it should be). This app allows you to not only search available tours, activities, and attractions – wherever your destination – but also to purchase tickets instantly. GetYourGuide guarantees the best available prices, as well as a safe and secure payment system.

While searching out your next travel adventure, you can browse reviews from fellow travelers. Other features include: verifying booking easily using mobile vouchers; using GPS to instantly see your close-by options; saving activities to your wish list for later; and searching by city, category or activity.

If you love to travel (and if not, there may be reason for concern, but that’s another issue), then why not make all the nitty-gritty of travel – the booking, waiting in line, and never-ending searching and researching, etc. – a little easier? It’s better than all those annoying hotel pamphlets that are never as informative as they claim to be, right?

SPYLIGHT - BY ADRIANNA ZAMPIERIDo you ever find yourself wanting to duplicate an outfit you saw in your favorite show but don’t know where to start? Spylight is here to help. Using the app, you can browse by movies, television shows, and characters to find an outfit you like. Clicking on it then provides you with a list of clothing items and accessories to help you replicate the look. Because Hollywood tends to have a larger budget than the average person, the majority of the items listed are reasonably priced.

Unfortunately, there are a limited number of films and television shows listed on Spylight, but on the plus side, whether you’re a guy or a gal, there’s options for everyone. So if you ever feel like channeling the charm of Booth from “Bones” or the positivity of Rachel Berry from “Glee,” Spylight is the app to help you dress for success.

pg 18 • MAROON WEEKLY • Dec. 10, 2014 • maroonweekly.com

BATTERY DOCTOR - BY RACHEL PICKERINGDoes your phone die when you least expect it? You deserve to know when your phone is about to RIP, and you can do so by downloading Battery Doctor. The app can extend your battery life up to 50% by monitoring and regulating your phone’s power consumption.

The app finds other apps and settings that drain power on your phone. It’ll provide you detailed battery information, and the info will allow you to make proper adjustments to your phone. In addition, the memory scan and junk clean up will help you save extra space by cleaning and deleting clutter. (Before deleting anything, you have the option of setting your preferences so only certain files/folders will be scanned for clean up.)

Battery Doctor also tells users how long your battery will last under a variety of situations. For example, if you are playing a game on your phone, it will let you know how much power the game is using. The app also keeps a log of how often you fully charge your phone and what features you can turn on/off to extend the battery life.

HANX WRITER - BY CONNIE SONGClickity, clack, clack. Fueled by his love for the typewriter, Tom Hanks (yes, Forrest Gump himself) developed Hanx Writer, an app that mimics old-school typing machines. Yes, there was a reason why the typewriter went away, but the cons of the machine were taken into consideration and modified for this app. For instance, you can now delete your typos and go back and edit your horrible grammar instead of having a document covered Xs. However, if you’re a fan of the Xs, there’s an option to have them, too. In addition, you can also export documents you’ve typed with the app. Hanx Writer can also be used in other apps if you’re solely using the app for the sounds (which is pretty nostalgic, but some people can’t write without them).

ZEN SHOPPING - BY DANIELLA DELGADOWant to make holiday shopping a breeze? With Zen Shopping, you can have your own personal shopping assistant straight on your phone. It has a variety of features to make your online shopping experience simple and expedient. Among these features are a price comparison calculator, where Zen automatically recognizes the product you’re looking for and searches other stores to find the most affordable option. Zen also automatically provides you with the best coupons for the store you are shopping at prior to checkout.

Zen notifies you of deals tailored to your shopping interests. The app also has a package tracking feature, so you can keep track of the delivery status of all your precious merchandise. Avoid the long lines and crazy crowds and do all of your shopping from the comfort of your own phone with Zen Shopping this holiday season.

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Nicholas Sparks did it again; we’re all in tears. What do you get when you pair the writer of the “The Notebook” with the producer of “The Fault in Our Stars”? Genius.

“The Longest Ride” is every Nicholas Sparks fan’s dream: romance, sex, and a very happy ending. But besides being the perfect wine-night flick, the movie is also an amazing production. Director George Tillman created a girl beyond the typical, lovable, protagonist we’re used to in movies like this. Instead, he showcased a quirky and, for lack of better word, weird girl named Sophia.

The moments between Sophia and Luke are the kind we’ve all experienced: the awkward “are you going to kiss me,” the not so sly grab of the hand, and the way too obvious sexual tension of two kids trying not to fall in love.

The story follows the complicated relationship between Luke Collins, professional bull rider, and Sophia Danko, sorority girl and art enthusiast.

With Sophia headed to New York only a few short weeks after meeting Luke, the couple’s future looks just about as long as the eight seconds Luke has to stay on the bull.

The two learn that sacrifice is sometimes the most important part of loving someone, and that sacrifice sometimes may even mean being apart. Maybe.

Some may say the movie is too happy, or that it isn’t even close to realistic, but honestly who goes to a Nicholas Sparks movie wanting realistic? No one. Sparks and the producers gave us exactly what we wanted: love.

Romance (PG-13)

The Longest Ride Netflix

Nick Offerman is a pretty major comedic power. He plays Ron Swanson on NBC’s “Parks and Recreation,” the hit TV show starring Amy Poehler, Aziz Ansari, Rashida Jones, and Rob Lowe. Nick Offerman’s Ron Swanson is into anarchy, carpentry, and being left alone. He’s an appropriately hilarious character in a hilarious TV show.

It’s always hard to tell how a character from a scripted sitcom will fare as a stand-up comedian. And you really want to like Offerman’s stand-up. He just seems like a really cool guy.

He’s been married to his wife – actress Megan Mullally – for 12 years, and in addition to being an actor, he is a professional boat builder and has a side business in woodworking.

“Nick Offerman: American Ham,” Offerman’s stand-up routine recently released on Netflix, is fun in that you get to listen to lots of wisdom courtesy of Offerman.

The stand-up misses the mark a little bit in terms of being outright funny. There are some unfortunate awkward silences, and while there are a handful of laugh-out-loud moments, it’s definitely not the greatest stand-up routine around.

Nick Offerman: American Ham

By Annabeth Reeb

By Linley McCord

maroonweekly.com • Jan. 21, 2015 • MAROON WEEKLY • pg 21

Across1 Word before out or put5 It precedes theta8 Make a difference14 Phone connection15 3-D med. scan16 “Java” trumpeter17 Rob Ford, by residence19 With 20-Across, the first cat president?20 See 19-Across22 Luau staple23 Two-player card game24 Twice-serving dog president?32 Affix, as a button33 “As I see it,” in a text34 “Night” author Wiesel35 “Mod Squad” member36 Flower part made up of sepals38 Up and quit39 ___ Day multivitamins40 Ending for spat41 Directed (toward)42 Recent small, furry president in a cage?46 Resort type47 Victorian or Edwardian, e.g.48 Leading pot-bellied pig president?55 Underwater naval habitat57 Picture of pandemonium58 Actress Hemingway59 Brian who released “Ambient 4: On Land”60 ___ Romeo (Italian car company)61 Elastic62 WSJ rival63 Each

Down1 Like molasses2 Turner of note3 Formicary dwellers4 “Hell ___!”5 Key of Brahms’s Symphony No. 46 Dire7 Grammar class faux pas8 Zenith competitor, once9 Porto ___, Brazil10 You, long ago11 Radial, e.g.12 Rowing machine unit13 Delivery path, for short18 Decide not to go green?21 “I ___ soul to the company store” (“Sixteen Tons” lyric)24 Queen, in Quebec25 “For Sale by ___”26 Words from the teacher?27 Pale purple28 Aboveboard, slangily29 Texas Revolution site30 “Separate Tables” Oscar winner David31 Monopoly holding32 Go through mud36 Deserving of blame37 Koran focus41 “Delta of Venus” author Nin43 Jordan’s neighbor44 Like some furniture polishes45 1950 sci-fi short story collection by Isaac Asimov48 Modern Maturity publisher49 Radar reading50 “I totally agree!”51 Elite Eight org.52 Iodine-rich seaweed53 Lowdown54 Certain tide55 Texting protocol initials56 Evian or Perrier

2015 Jonesin’ Crosswords ([email protected])


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Answers

pg 16 • MAROON WEEKLY • Jan. 28, 2015 • maroonweekly.com


Aggie Tennis Holds Serve to End SeasonBy Brad CoxThe Texas A&M men’s tennis team now has the distinction of having won regular season conference championships in three different conferences.

The seventh-ranked Aggies clinched the Southeastern Conference regular season title with a 4-0 rout of No. 25 LSU on April 9 in Baton Rouge, adding to last year’s SEC tournament championship win.

Texas A&M won regular-season championships in 1994 in the Southwest Conference and in 2001 in the Big 12.

Their 11-1 SEC record earned them a first-round bye for the SEC Tournament, which will be April 15-19 at their home Mitchell Tennis Center. They will open the tournament in the quarterfinals on April 17.

Clinching the doubles point against LSU behind the duos of Jordan Szabo and Jeremy Efferding and Harrison Adams and Shane Vinsant, the Aggies followed by scoring three quick

points in singles play, all from freshmen, to wrap up the win.

Texas A&M freshmen went 18-0 during the regular season, which ended with an overall team 10-match win streak.

WOMEN’S GOLFIt might not have been at the level of a Jordan Spieth at the Masters Tournament, but Texas A&M sophomore Marijosse Navarro was on a roll of her own when she led the Aggie women at the Rebel Intercollegiate golf tournament April 3-5 at Ole Miss.

Navarro fired a tournament-record 6-under-par 66 in the third round, finishing second individually and leading 13th-ranked Texas A&M to the team title with a 6-under 858. Navarro earned the SEC Women’s Golfer of the Week honor for her performance and the Aggies were named the National Team of the Week by Golfweek.

The Aggie women will participate in the SEC Championships

starting April 17-19 in Hoover, Alabama.

DIRECTORS’ CUPTexas A&M’s run of five straight Top 10 finishes in the Division I Learfield Sports Directors’ Cup could be in danger.

The Aggies are ranked No. 20 in the latest standings, which includes points scored by winter sports such as men’s and women’s basketball, men’s and women’s swimming and diving, and men’s and women’s indoor track and field.

With 427.25 points, the Aggies are 143.75 points behind No. 10 Virginia with baseball, softball, men’s and women’s outdoor track and field, men’s and women’s tennis, men’s and women’s golf, and equestrian all still going on.

Texas A&M finished sixth in the standings in 2009-10, eighth in 2010-11, ninth in 2011-12, fifth in 2012-13, and 10th in 2013-14.

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