english130fall2017.web.unc.eduenglish130fall2017.web.unc.edu/...shines-final.docx · web viewthey...

Estes, Where Stella Shines…

Hannah Estes

[email protected]

Where Stella Shines

She remembered watching the stars fall from her eyes. Stella blinked as she looked in the

mirror. No, today those were just tears. She gripped the sleeves of her coffee-colored sweeter in

her palms and wiped the stains from her cheeks. They were rosy from the cold. Or maybe from

crying. Who’s to say?

She knew she shouldn’t think this way. She had always gotten bad test grades; it was

time to act like an adult. Stella sighed and ran her hands through the curly brown mess atop her

head pulling it back into a ponytail. Hanging down, her curls were wild but right now she simply

didn’t have the energy to deal with them. Stella glanced at the mirror once more before heading

back into the living room of her small white apartment and curling up on the sofa. Her quiet

home put her heart at peace. She could close her doors to the world here. Her parents had been

all for her living on her own and separate from prying eyes. The thought stung as it flashed

through her mind. They couldn’t bear the idea of someone, even a roommate, watching their

daughter struggle through studying, and frankly neither could she. Less embarrassment for them,

less embarrassment for her. It was win-win.

1

mailto:[email protected]


She hated herself for it but she couldn’t help it. Another tear ran down her face. “Come

on Stella, don’t cry,” she whispered to herself as she squeezed her eyes shut. She threw herself

back on the couch and let her curls fly all over the cushions. She breathed deeply and shut her

eyes again. A little boy with sandy colored hair suddenly flashed through her mind.

“Trevor,” Stella murmured as her face relaxed. A soft smile made its way to her lips and

her tears dried without her realizing it. Stella let the happy memory continue to play.

It was last summer – oh, it was a wonderful summer, she remembered. Trevor had just

gotten that new kick ball for his birthday, in maroon too. She had looked for ages to find one that

exact shade, one “the color of autumn mud from Trugger Creek” as Trevor always said. He had

been so thrilled when he opened her gift that he had run out of the house and forgotten to open

his other birthday presents. His ears were closed to the exasperated calls behind him and Stella

remembered throwing back her head laughing and running out of the house after him. They

kicked the ball in the open field by her house until the last drop of sunlight fell over the horizon.

She had never seen him so happy.

Stella sat up. Trevor was such a smart kid. He had that intelligent light in his eyes that

other people could just see. Like her parents, and her older sister too.

Stella pulled her phone out of her pocket and scrolled through her camera roll. She was

almost sure she had it saved here somewhere…

“Knew it!” she said.

She clicked on the photo she sought. It had been the very first picture she and Trevor had

taken together. He was so little! Just a pudgy little thing with a lick of light brown hair on his

head. He was barely three years old at the time. Stella chuckled when she saw herself. Her curls

were everywhere. They were sitting on the front porch so the wind must’ve picked them up.

2


They looked so happy. Trevor was gazing up at her with his wide brown eyes and they were both

laughing. She had been twelve when this picture was taken. That was the first time Mr. Williams

had left Trevor with her family. He was always away on business, and after his wife died there

was no one else to look after Trevor while he was away. Stella’s family had been neighbors with

the Williams for over two decades at that point. The families were close and when Trevor was

born Mrs. Williams had asked Stella’s folks to be Trevor’s godparents. Little did they know the

reality that title would become.

For Stella though, this picture represented the day she gained a little brother. She loved

Trevor with all her heart, especially since her sister had just left home at the time (not that Hazel

had ever really been there for her in the first place). Trevor had filled the void in her heart at the

time. They just kind of understood each other. She taught him how to ride a bike, took him out

for frozen yogurt on the weekends, held him when he missed his mom, and even helped him with

his homework to the best of her abilities. She had watched him grow up. Stella sighed as she

turned off her phone and climbed into bed. School was rough; it always had been. Usually she

could take it in stride but for now, an early night’s rest was just what she needed.

**********

She remembered watching the stars fall from their eyes. It had been third grade, the first

year they had standardized tests in school, and her parents couldn’t wait to see her scores.

“Now honey don’t go bragging to your friends about your grades,” her mom had said,

glancing at her in the rear-view-mirror. “It’s not tasteful and frankly you can’t help but shine.”

She looked back towards the road. “It’s in your blood.”

3


Stella couldn’t remember her response. Maybe she was proud like her mom and tossed

her head. Maybe she tried to be humble and simply ran her figures through her hair. Truthfully,

Stella thought that most likely she had stared out the window in silence.

**********

Stella watched the outside world wander by from her seat in Advanced Reporting. Just as

soon as the weekend had started it had ended. She propped her head on her hand, tired but

content and stared at the autumn trees. It was back to work for now, but at least she had a while

until her next exam. Minutes passed and Stella began to feel her attention wane. Just as her

eyelids were beginning to feel heavy her phone rang.

Stella jumped and hit her head on the wall behind her. She winced and attempted to rub

her head through her mass of curls. She looked up to the entire class staring at her. Stella grinned

awkwardly and turned off her ringer.

Her professor chuckled. “Eh, what the heck,” he said. “Class ends in five minutes

anyways. Y’all can thank Stella for getting out of class early today.” The students laughed and

the room instantly filled with the sound of desks collapsing and backpacks zipping up.

Stella chuckled and her professor winked at her.

As soon as she was outside the building she sat on the first bench she could find and

dialed back the familiar number. She put her phone to her ear before she even sat down. It didn’t

finish the first ring.

“Stella!” The voice of the eleven-year-old boy lit up the phone.

“Hey Trevor!” Stella said feeling her heart lighten. “How are you?”

“I’m great! I’ve missed you!” he said. “Dad sent me another tool kit yesterday!”

“Really?” she said. “Send me a picture!”

4


“No I want to surprise you! You’ll see the full version at the science fair in a couple of

months.” Stella could hear the pride in his voice.

Suddenly Stella’s heart dropped. “Trevor, when is that again?”

“First week of December, December the second at noon. It’s a Wednesday.”

Stella ripped open her backpack and flipped through her planner. That date sounded

alarmingly familiar. Tears pricked her eyes when she finally located the elusive box on her

calendar.

“Trevor…” her voice broke.

“You’re coming, right?” Trevor sensed the stress in her voice. “You promised.”

“Trevor, I know what I said, it’s just that-”

“Dad’s not coming.”

Stella froze. “What?” She let out a breath.

“He said the company wants him to stay in Tokyo four more months and he can’t afford

to lose any time coming home in between.” His voice trailed off. “Or something like that.” He

added quickly.

Stella’s heart broke for him. “I’m so sorry Trevor.”

“It’s ok,” he said. “He’s always told me mom was the science person anyways. You

know she majored in engineering?” he said.

Stella grinned. “Yes, you’ve told me.”

“Mechanical engineering,” he said. “just like I want to do.”

Stella chuckled. The wind pulled at her curls.

“I miss her,” he said.

“I know,” Stella whispered. “And don’t worry Trevor, I’ll be there.”

5


“Really?” he said. “You’ll still come?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said. “Trevor, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you soon

though, ok?”

“Ok,” he said. “I’ll tell your parents you said hi.”

“You do that,” she said. “I love you.”

“I love you too! Bye!”

She put down the phone and tugged her sweater over her palms. “Dang it,” she said. She

looked down at her planner.

Final Exam J 412, Usage and Grammar, 7 P.M.

The National AP Style Book Usage and Grammar Exam. This exam was the last test

between every Journalism student and their Bachelor’s degree. She had put off J 412 as until her

senior year and that test was creeping up on her faster than ever. And it was the exact same day

as Trevor’s science fair.

Stella put her head in her hands.

***********

The words looked blurred. They had never looked blurred before! Maybe it was because

her heartbeat was too loud. It felt like she might catch her heart in the palm of her hand it was

pounding so hard.

She glanced up from the standardized test and peaked through her curls. The rest of her

classmates were bubbling away in a furry of wiggling pencils and squeaky erasers. Her eyes

subconsciously darted to her third-grade teacher (for she knew she was never supposed to look

up from her “own work”) and was she was met with a stern look. Stella quickly stared back at

her own test and mouthed the words on her paper.

6


Answer the following questions by selecting the best synonym for each given word.

Synonyms. Stella knew synonyms. But what would a synonym for ‘Perplexed’ be? Would

it be ‘(A) alarmed’? Or ‘(C) embarrassed’? Stella had felt embarrassed when she was

perplexed before. But wait – that’s not what synonym means. She supposed ‘(B) puzzled’ was

similar, but were synonyms really similar? Or was something a synonym if it just kind of fit in

the same category? Then it would be ‘(C) embarrassed’. Stella’s cheeks felt hot. She thought to

herself that suddenly she felt embarrassed and she was pretty sure it was because she was

perplexed.

“Time’s up!” the teacher said.

Stella looked down at her lap miserable. Now she was perplexed, with a headache, and

was certain she had no idea what the word ‘synonym’ meant.

**********

The next day was spent mostly in the library. Even though Stella didn’t have a test

anytime soon she knew her grades wouldn’t stand a chance if she didn’t start studying now.

Today she had been lucky enough to find a corner of Winston Library on the first floor. She

liked studying here because it was private and out-of-view so she had little to no chance of

seeing one of her friends. As much as she loved them, she couldn’t study with them. They would

always ask her questions or complement her on her diligence and she hated it.

After middle school, she had stopped sharing her grades. Stella just couldn’t stomach

seeing shock on another’s face when she showed them the “C” or “D” and the not-so-uncommon

“F”. “But you studied so hard,” they would say. Like she didn’t know that. Stella had accepted

defeat long ago so she decided it would be better for everyone if she just kept her grades to

7


herself. Ironically, everyone assumed she was just being modest and labeled her ‘the smart kid’

in class. Stella never corrected them, preferring the lie to the shame of the truth.

Stella sighed. That was also a large part of the reason she went into journalism. In that

field, she could focus on other people’s successes and failures instead of her own. Honestly it

was a miracle OSU had let her in. She supposed they must’ve really liked her essays about

always ‘doing your best’ even if sometimes it was to no avail. It also helped a bit that a part of

her really did like writing. It just kind of made sense to her. The STEM fields didn’t. Her parents

were disappointed when she declared her major. They loved their jobs. Her mom and dad were

two of the five C.E.O.s of a major arthritis research company. People who worked with her folks

said they were an “unstoppable team” and Stella knew they were honestly really happy and

doing a lot of good together. She guessed that was why they might’ve had trouble believing that

she could be happy doing something else, especially since her sister followed in their footsteps

graduating from Columbia with a double major in business and biology.

Stella slammed the book she was reading shut. She blushed as a few eyes fell her way.

She hadn’t meant to slam it, she was just frustrated. Her shoulders slumped. I should just go get

something to eat, she thought.

Stella left the library and headed for her favorite café on campus; The Lemontree. After

she had polished off the last drop in her large latte she felt like she was able to think again.

“Stella?”

Stella looked up. A middle-aged woman with short silver hair and a small smile walked

over to her table.

“Hi Professor Faye,” Stella said. “You’re welcome to sit down.”

“I think I will, thank you,” Dr. Faye said. “Let me just go grab a pastry first.”

8


Stella shook her head, Dr. Faye always did have a sweet tooth. She had been Stella’s

favorite professor sophomore year. Dr. Faye taught her Introduction to Reporting class and

tutored her one-on-one throughout the semester to help her get through it. Stella had made a “A-”

in that class, the highest grade she had ever made in her memory.

Dr. Faye sat down and began munching on her croissant. “So, how’s everything going in

your life? I just can’t believe you’re a senior now!”

Stella nodded. “The semesters been ok. Honestly I can’t believe I’m almost done.” Stella

paused. “The Usage and Grammar test is coming up though,” she said.

“Ah yes, one of the most dreaded exams in the Journalism program.” Dr. Faye gazed out

the window. “How are you feeling about it?”

Stella rubbed her forehead. “I think you know the answer to that.”

Dr. Faye glanced back at her and smiled gently. “You still have plenty of time to prepare.

The exam isn’t for another two months.”

“You’re right,” Stella said. “But even with all my preparation and extra tutoring I’m still

going to need to focus my mind one hundred percent on the exam.”

“Well that shouldn’t be an issue,” the professor said, “you’ve never lacked

determination.”

Stella bit her lip. “I may have a conflict,” she said.

“Stella, you know you can’t reschedule that exam,” Dr. Faye said taking a bite of her

croissant.

“Well I wouldn’t have too,” Stella said.

The professor set down her pastry and gave Stella her full attention. “I’m confused,” she

said.

9


Stella took a deep breath. “I think he needs me,” she said.

“You mean Trevor?” Dr. Faye said. Stella had practically told the professor everything

about her life. She knew all about Trever. That his mother had died a couple of years after he

was born, that his father was always away, that he stayed with her family the majority of the year

– she even knew how much he loved science. “What gave you that impression,” she said.

“He wants me to go to his science fair,” Stella said.

“He wants to go all the way back to Tennessee for that?” The professor seemed

genuinely surprised. “He knows how important it is for you to focus while you’re here.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Stella said. “I mean, that’s basically what I wanted to tell him,”

she said. “I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“Oh, I don’t know Stella,” the professor said.

“This is different for Trevor, it means more than other events at his school. I think I

understand,” Stella said. “It’s the event of the fifth grade. Trevor’s been looking forward to it

since he found out about it in the third grade!”

“Gracious, what kind of child looks forward to a science fair for two years?”

“Trevor does!” Stella said wringing her hands through her hair. “He’s been working on

his project since summer!”

“Goodness,” Dr. Faye said quietly.

“There’s just no one else, you know,” Stella said.

“I know,” the woman said.

“And I’ve been there for him and he’s been there for me-” Stella stopped abruptly, “-you

know since my parents weren’t really.”

10


The two women sat in silence. The wind rustled the trees outside and the aroma of

espresso filled the air as the next group of students shuffled in the café. Stella pulled her sleeves

over her arms.

For a moment, all was quiet.

“I’ll help you,” Dr. Faye said suddenly. “I’ll help you prepare for the exam. I think you

should do it – go to him.”

*********

Merely a couple of months later the scores came in. She remembered her parents sitting

at the kitchen table smiling and slowly opening the envelope together. She had watched as their

smiles faded to scowls.

“Hello? Yes? Yes hi,” her father practically shouted into the phone. “There’s been a

mistake with my daughter’s scores.”

Her mother paced back and forth through the kitchen. She was growling.

“No, I don’t care,” he said. “Then get me someone who has the authority to disclose that

information!”

“Do you need me to talk to them?” Her mom was done feigning patience. “Let me talk

to them!”

He waved her back irritated. “I got this,” he hissed.

The scores weren’t wrong. Her parents hardly spoke to her for a month after that. They

didn’t look at her unless they had to. Their daughter who was supposed to someday rise to

change the world was nothing but some “below average” eight-year-old.

“Stella.” Stella looked up from the kitchen table at her older AIG sister standing in the

doorway. Her parents looked too. “You’re not smart.”

11


To Stella, the worst thing wasn’t what she had said, but what her parents didn’t say. And

they didn’t breathe a word to correct her.

*********

It was the day before the exam. Stella and Dr. Faye had been working around the clock

and Stella had just stepped off the plane. Tennessee. She couldn’t believe she was back here

already. More so, she couldn’t believe she was actually doing this. I’m mere hours away from

my exam, losing sleep and the ability to last-minute cram. Stella suddenly felt hot. What am I

doing.

“Stel, over here!”

Stella looked up to see her older sister Hazel waiving next to baggage claim. She already

had Stella’s floral suitcase in hand.

Stella walked over. “Let’s go,” Hazel said.

The car ride was quiet for a while. “You’re really not going to tell mom and dad you’re

here?” Hazel said.

Stella shook her head. “They’d just question my work ethic. I’m not putting up with it

this time.”

Hazel nodded. “What time is Trevor’s science fair tomorrow?”

“Bright and early,” Stella said. “Thank God. It’ll give me barely enough time to get back

to OSU for my exam.”

Hazel said nothing for a minute. “You really care.”

Stella looked over in shock. “Well of course, don’t you?”

12


“Yeah, obviously, don’t be dumb,” she said. “But you’re passionate about children Stella,

you’d jump in front of a car for any of them, not just Trevor, any child. You’ve always helped

younger kids. I mean, you realize that, don’t you?”

“I guess that is true,” Stella said. “I never thought about it that way before. But Hazel,

come on, you’re brilliant! I’d give anything to be like that.”

“There’s a big difference between brilliance and passion Stella.” Hazel starred at the

road. “Why do you think I left home at eighteen? I couldn’t stand the pressure. I was constantly

being preened to be the next most influential woman in America or whatever.”

Stella was dumbfounded.

“No Stel,” Hazel said, “I’d have given anything to be like you. When it comes to helping

children, you’re doing something that you clearly believe in. That’s where you shine.”

********

The next morning was a blur and before Stella could blink the sisters were walking into

the Westwood Elementary gym.

“Oh, where is he?” Stella said. She tugged on her sleeves as she looked anxiously around

the crowd of trifolds, parents, and fifth graders.

“Stella, Stella, Stella!”

Stella let out an involuntary gasp as a little body suddenly ran right into her. “Trevor!”

she said, pulling him into a tighter hug.

A grinning sandy-haired boy with freckles looked up at her. “You made it!” In that

moment, everything was worth it. The stress, the cramming, the extra hours, the money, all of it

– because she could hear the joy bursting in his voice at her being here.

Trevor turned and looked at her sister. “Hey Hazel, what’s up?”

13


“Not much.” She smirked. “What’s up with you squirt.”

“Don’t call me squirt, and come see my i8 engine!” Trevor dragged Stella to his trifold

where he then proceeded to proudly present more facts than Stella knew existed about cars.

Apparently, this BMW i8 was one of the more affordable sports cars and could go up to 160

miles per hour. On top of that, it was evidently Trevor’s “dream car” and the little guy had built a

model engine out of some Lego robotics kit his dad had sent him. It was painted, labeled, and

even somehow had engine sounds coming out of it. Stella didn’t understand half of what he said

but nothing could’ve lessened her pride.

She and Hazel clapped loudly as he finished and she swore her heart grew twice in size as

she saw those stars shine in his eyes.

“Well I think this calls for some fro yo!” Stella said.

“No Stel, not yet.” Trevor suddenly looked very serious. “The judges still haven’t come

by my table and then I have to wait for them to announce the winner!”

“Oh well, that is important,” Stella said. “Listen Trevor, I have to go back to Ohio now,

but I’ll get that yogurt with you in a week when I come home for Christmas ok?”

“You’re not going to stay until they announce who won?” Trevor said. Stella could

hardly bear the disappointment she saw setting in his face.

“I’ll stay Trev.” Hazel pulled Trevor into a side hug. “Stella has a really important test in

a couple of hours but she’ll be back soon.”

Trevor’s eyes widened. “You have a test today?” he said. “And you came anyways?”

“Of course, you know you mean the world to me,” Stella said, and at that Trevor smiled.

14


Just then two figures stood in the peripheral of Stella’s vision. Stella turned her head in

disbelief. “Is that mom and dad?” They looked taken aback to see her but not angry necessarily.

They smiled and then waived.

“Of course,” Hazel said. “You thought they wouldn’t come to Trevor’s science fair?”

At this point Trevor was already off explaining his project to students who had stopped in

front of his trifold.

“Honestly, yeah,” Stella said, watching them talk to the principal.

“I don’t know, ever since I moved back they seem to have mellowed a bit,” Hazel said. “I

think watching Trevor’s grow up in his dad’s absence has changed their perspective a little.”

“Huh,” Stella said. Her eyes fell on the wall clock. “Shoot I have to go.”

“I’ll call a Lyft to take you back to the airport. Here,” Hazel tossed her keys to Stella.

“Go get your suitcase out of my car. Be on the curb and waiting so you can just go when it gets

here. I’ll pay the guy.”

Stella looked at her sister gratefully. “Thanks Hazel. And Trevor,” Trevor paused and

looked up from his project. “We’ll get that frozen yogurt soon, I promise. Text me the moment

the judges announce the winner, ok?”

Trevor leapt and gave Stella one more hug. “I will. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Stella squeezed Trevor and then hugged her sister. “I’ll see you both in

a week. Wish me luck!”

********

Stella walked out of the exam room groggy and in desperate need of a nap. Two hours in

the airport, a one hour flight, and a five-hour degree-contingent final later and she felt beyond

tired. She thought it had gone ok though. She was able to answer the definitional questions with

15


little to no problem (Dr. Faye had made certain of that) and the application questions hadn’t been

half bad either. Also, she had managed to not panic the majority of the exam.

She had even maybe, just maybe made a grade somewhere in the B range. One thing she

knew for sure though: she had definitely passed, and for the first time in a long time, she actually

felt happy with herself. For better or for worse, she had done her best. Besides, Hazel was right,

with Trevor in her corner, there was simply more to life than grades. Maybe next semester she

could volunteer with something that involved children? Stella liked that thought, she promised

herself she’d look more into that later.

Indescribable relief coursed through her veins as she finally closed the door to her

apartment and threw herself on her bed. She had done it. The last seemingly impossible barrier to

her degree had vanished. She’d send an email to Dr. Faye as soon as she got her energy back.

Stella checked her phone and chuckled. There were eleven messages from Trevor. Little

to her surprise, Trevor had taken home the blue ribbon. Really, she had zero surprise. Trevor had

by far attempted the most complex project in the building.

She scrolled through the emojis and exclamation points and saved all the pictures he had

sent to her phone. She’d call him in a minute, right after she took a much-needed shower.

She walked into the bathroom and paused as she passed the mirror. She looked at her

reflection.

Years later, whenever Trevor would call her discouraged with one thing or another in his

ambitious engineering pursuits she would tell him that story. Because, she would always say,

that was the day she saw the stars return to her eyes.

16

english130fall2017.web.unc.eduenglish130fall2017.web.unc.edu/...shines-final.docx · web viewthey...

Documents