F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R KA N T I - V I O L E N C E R E S O U R C E G U I D E

VVD I A R I E S

P R E M I E R E I S S U E | M A R C H 2 0 0 5

Does your boyfriend

you?P U T YO U R B OY F R I E N D TO T H E T E S T W I T H O U R Q U I Z

What does mean?

Why Does She Stay?

A Filipina Woman

Presidentin our Future

Not Me!

T H E M Y T H S O F V I O L E N C E

What to pack inyour getaway bag

H O W T O B E A good best friend

Giovannie’s Story: Survivor. Advocate. S ingle Mom. Actor

F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K | w w w . f f w n . o r g

FILIPINA WOMEN’S NETWORK02

Th e “ V ” Te a m

. . . . ♥ . . . .

DeVoted Publisher M A R I LY M O N D E J A R

Loving Mother of Bobit and Franklin Ricarte

DiVine Editor At LargeG E N E V I E V E V. J O P A N D A

Loving Daughter of Lolita Villafranca Jopanda

Angel Art DirectorA L S . P E R E Z

Loving Son of Fely Perez

. . . . ♥ . . . .

LoVe Writers

G E E N E G O N Z A L E SLoving Friend of

Asian Women’s Shelter

G L O R I A R A M O SLoving Daugher of

Julia Morales

J E S S I C A J A L L O R I N ALoving Daughter of Josephine Jallorina

R I T A V I L L A V I C E N C I O S C H M I DLoving Daughter of

Maryann Edralin Schmid

K E V I N P I M E N T E LLoving Friend of

API Legal Outreach

S H E L E N E ATA N A C I OLoving Grandaughter of

Adoracion Atanacio

. . . . ♥ . . . .

Heart Contributors

BLESILDA OC AMPO

KAI DELEN BRIONES

GITA MEHROTRA

CHARLES UGALDE

TISA MENDOZA

. . . . ♥ . . . .

FWN Board of Directors

TESSIE ZARAGOZA, Chair

MARILY MONDE JAR, President

DINA GUINGONA, Treasurer

LAARNI SAN JUAN, Director

THELMA ESTRADA, Director

I am delighted to welcome you to V-Day San Francisco 2005: The Vagina Monologues.

The Filipina Women’s Network (FWN) is proud to collaborate once again with V-Day and continue its anti-violence educational and awareness campaign launched in January 2004. “Filipinas Against Violence” is about helping Filipina women “break the silence” and to raise money and awareness in the community to help stop violence against Filipina women and girls.

Realizing that there is no specifi c agency or organization in the San Francisco Bay Area geared towards the needs and cultural considerations of Filipina women and girls in violent situations, FWN came up with two ways to reach out to the Filipina community:

1. Develop and produce an Anti-Violence Resource Guide

2. Produce two “The Vagina Mono-logues” benefi t performances on March 13 and 14, 2005

The resource guide is now called the “V-Diaries.” We hope you keep this publication, learn from the articles and refl ections shared with us, and pass it on to women who may need the resources listed. Our hope is that our

readers will fi nd our publication useful so they can change what is happening in their homes or might happen in another’s affairs, in order to prevent something undesirable happening.A 30,000 print run was distributed in select zip codes as a supplement in The Examiner, the San Francisco Chronicle and the Bay Area Business Woman as well as the patrons at the Herbst Theatre during the two-day performance.

We are grateful to many who have made these ambitious goals happen:

a) Our truly remarkable cast and crew members, for opening their wallets and giving up their weekends and countless hours to plan, rehearse and attend to all the details of producing the show;

b) Our amazing advertisers and sponsors, for believing in our mission and supporting our cause;

c) Our fabulous volunteers and friends, for their loving commitment and valuable help;

d) Our family members, for not giving up on us, as we undertake this important project;

e) Our Vagina Warriors, they are the heart of V-Day and their stories keep us inspired and determined

f) All of you who have bought tickets to The Vagina Monologues for March 13 & 14, your presence and your applause are much valued!

Our work is not over….

To understand the battle that V-Day is fi ghting, consider the statistics. One

in three women worldwide is beaten, raped or abused. In South Africa, a woman is raped every 35 seconds. Two million young girls are introduced into the global commercial-sex market annually. Two Pakistani women are burned daily by fi re or acid in domes-tic violence incidents. In America, a woman is battered every 15 seconds - four a minute, 240 an hour, 5,760 each day.

To understand FWN’s Filipina Women Against Violence Campaign, consider this – 40% of women murdered by their partners were Filipinas – accord-ing to the 1998 Homicide Survey from the San Francisco District Attorney’s Offi ce.

Violence against Filipina women and girls is a growing problem. Our community needs to come together and fi nd solutions to end domestic violence. The church. The schools. The community organizations. The corporations with large Filipino employee populations. The media. You and me. Everyone.

Your presence here tonight is critical to our anti-violence efforts and we urge you to continue to support our campaign. I hope the stories of The Vagina Monologues will inspire you to join us and to continue our work in your community, your workplace and your home.

Marily MondejarPresidentFilipina Women’s Network

M E S S A G E F R O M T H E E X E C U T I V E P R O D U C E R

How to reach the Filipina Women’s Network • P. O. Box 192143, San Francisco, CA 94119 • Phone: 415 / 278. 9410 • Fax: 415 / 840. 0655 • www.ffwn.org.

The views and opinions of advertisers and contributors expressed in this publication do not necessarily state or refl ect those of Filipina Women’s Network.

© 2005 Filipina Women’s Network. All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be published without the expressed written permission of the publisher.

Filipina Women’s Network is a nonprofit association for women of Philippine ancestry. It enhances public perceptions of Filipina women’s capacities to lead; changes biases of Filipina women’s leadership abilities; and fosters the entry of Filipina women into positions of leadership in corporate, government, and nonprofi t sectors. For more info, visit www.ffwn.org.

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E

V I C TO RY VA LE N T I N E VAG I NA

03

Double Entendre- is defined as a word or expression capable of two interpretations with one usually risqué. Our goal with the article titles on the cover is to gain your attention, pick up the magazine and read it. Our true intention is to engage you in a deeper understanding of our mission. “Packaging” our anti-violence resource guide like a fashion magazine is far from being casual and trendy. From victims of abuse to service providers, these are the

stories of real people that deal with abuse. They’re sharing their stories with you, sharing pages from their diaries of life. In a meeting with our friends at the API Legal Outreach and Asian Women’s Shelter, our idea of circulating a resource guide instead of a playbill started to really develop. I asked them what victims of abuse would be looking for in a resource guide. What questions do they want answered? What do they need to have and need to know to get help? How can we help? At the end of the night, meeting at a table at Max’s Opera café, we concluded that awareness is what our community desires. Abuse exists in every community regardless of race, age, gender, or eco-nomic status. Many of you reading this

know someone directly or have heard of someone who has been or is being abused. What I want you to know is that we want it to stop. What I want you to do is to help us stop it. You can start by helping us raise awareness. Giovannie Pico, our cover story said “ Never be too polite to get into someone’s business because you might just save someone’s life.” As Beckie Masaki said, “At first appearance, a boulder seems strong and water seems weak. Yet drop by drop water can break down a boulder. Drop by drop we can turn the tide.” You can help stop the cycle of violence. Let’s all start right now.

Genevieve V. Jopanda

TABLE OF CONTENTS

T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S

About V-Day 3

V-Resources 12

The Vagina Monologues Program 14

Vagina Warriors 23

The Vagina Monologues Cast and Crew 24

Acknowledgments 26

O N T H E CO V E R Giovannie’s Story 16

V - R E S O U R C E A R T I C L E S Does Your Boyfriend Love You? 6

What Does Love Mean? 7

Not Me! The Myths of Violence 8

Why Does She Stay? 9

Cycle of Violence 15

What To Pack In Your Getaway Bag 17

Violence Against Women: A Lifetime Spiral 17

V - F E AT U R E SFilipinas Who Could 9be President

Vagina Diaries 10, 20, 30

Domestic Violence and the Filipino Community 11

Accessing The California Victim Compensation Fund 27

How To Be A Good Best Friend 28

The V-Diaries is a publication of the Filipina Women’s Network.

M E S S A G E F R O M T H E E D I T O R - A T - L A R G E

VD I A R I E S

F R O M V - D AY TO V - W O R L D

As V-Day benefit performances of “The Vagina Monologues” reach more people, and as the V-energy spreads, 2005 is the year when we envision a new world, where violence would end and V-World is finally born. Between February 14 and March 31 this year, over 2,500 events are taking place in some 1,116 communities in over 45 countries worldwide – the largest num-ber of events ever for V-Day!

Here’s what V-World will look likeWhen the violence stops, women and girls will be:» Allowed to be born in China, India

And Korea» Swimming in Iran» Safe in their beds at home in the

United States, Europe and Asia» Eating ice cream in Afghanistan» Keeping their clitorises in Africa

and Asia» Wearing blue jeans in Italy» Voting in Kuwait» Walking in the park at night in the

United States» Openly flirting in Jordan» Safe at parties on college campuses» Playing with toys and not being

sold as them in Asia, the United

States, Europe and Eastern Europe» Driving cars in Saudi Arabia» Wearing trousers in Swaziland» Safely walking home from work in

Juarez, Mexico» Enjoying sex» Celebrating their desires» Loving their bodies» Running the world

About V-DayV-Day, a nonprofit corporation, dis-tributes funds to grassroots, national, and international organizations and programs that work to stop violence against women and girls. V-Day is a global movement to stop violence against women and girls. V-Day is a catalyst that promotes creative events to increase awareness, raise money and revitalize the spirit of existing anti-violence organizations. V-Day generates broader attention for the fight to stop violence against women and girls, including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation (FGM) and sexual slavery. The ‘V’ in V-Day stands for Victory, Valentine and Vagina.

MissionV-Day is an organized response against violence toward women.

V-Day is a vision: We see a world where women live safely and freely.

V-Day is a demand: Rape, incest, battery, genital mutilation and sexual slavery must end now.

V-Day is a spirit: We believe women should spend their lives creating and thriving rather than surviving or recovering from terrible atrocities.

V-Day is a catalyst: By raising money and consciousness, it will unify and strengthen existing anti-violence efforts. Triggering far-reaching aware-ness, it will lay the groundwork for new educational, protective, and legislative endeavors throughout the world.

V-Day is a process: We will work as long as it takes. We will not stop until the violence stops.

V-Day is a day: We proclaim Valentine’s Day as V-Day, to celebrate women and end the violence.

V-Day is a fierce, wild, unstoppable movement and community.

w w w. vd ay. org

F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K | w w w . f f w n . o r g04

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E

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Does Your Boyfriend Love You?Is it love or abuse? Circle the letter you think matches what would happen in your relationship:

1. You say something that your boyfriend disagrees with. He:a. Lets you give your opinion.b. Teases you and says that you’re stupid.c. Slaps you and tells you to shut up.

2. You and your boyfriend are fooling around, but you tell him you don’t want to have sex. He says:a. “That’s OK, I understand.”b. “But, I thought you said you loved

me.”c. “Well, you’ve got me excited. Now you

have to have sex with me.”

3. You’re studying for finals, and you need some help with the baby. You ask your boyfriend, and he: a. Says he’ll be there as soon as he gets

off work.b. Refuses, saying he never really

believed the kid is his anyway.c. Threatens to dump you, if you don’t

quit asking for help all the time. He buys the diapers, doesn’t he?

4. You have a lot of studying to do this week and you don’t have time to go out with your boyfriend. He:a. Says he understands.b. Laughs and tells you there’s no point

in studying because you’re going to flunk anyway.

c. Makes you feel guilty and insists that you go out with him.

5. What would your boyfriend do if you told him you were thinking about breaking up with him? Would he:a. Ask you if you’d like to talk about it.b. Say “Forget it!” and find another

girlfriend.c. Refuse to listen when you want to talk

about your feelings and threaten to hurt himself or you. If you don’t stay with him.

6. You make plans to go out with your girlfriends. Your boyfriend:a. Tells you to be safe and have a good

time.b. Talks about how he’s going out with

his friends and all the girls he’ll meet.

c. Accuses your friends of trying to break up the two of you.

7. Your boyfriend sees you talking to another boy. He:a. Smiles and waves.b. Makes sure the other boy knows you

have a boyfriend by putting his arms around you and introducing himself to the guy.

c. Grabs you by the arm and drags you away, accusing you of flirting.

8. You aren’t home when your boyfriend calls. He:a. Mentions that he called the next time

he sees you.b. Calls your cell phone and asks where

you are.d. Tracks you down and demands to

know what you’re doing and who you’re with.

Answers for “Does Your Boyfriend Love You?”

Mostly A’s: In a healthy relationship, a guy is respectful and considerate of your feelings. He tries to understand that you may have a different point of view about some things. Things might not always be perfect, but you’ve got a good thing going.

Mostly B’s: Think about how you feel when he does these things. Abuse is not always physical. If it seems like he keeps trying to put you down or he is always jealous, the relationship is unhealthy.

Mostly C’s: These are all signs of an abusive relationship. Other danger signs might be:» Does he blame you when he loses his

temper?» Does he accuse you of lying to him?» Are you afraid that you’ll do

something to upset him?» Does he always have to be right?

Find someone you can trust to talk about what’s going on with your boyfriend, and get the help you need.

(“Is it really love?” EPA, A Division of California Family Health Council, Inc. 2001)

A long-term study of adolescent vulnerability to sexual assault by Suzanne S. Ageton of the Behavioral Research Institute in Boulder, Colorado, found that nearly all of the female teen victims know their attackers: » 56% had been raped by a date » 30% had been raped by a friend » 11% had been raped by a boyfriend

Teenagers and Acquaintance Rape

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E 07

People need and want love. Nobody should be abused.When it’s love you:

• Trust each other.• Respect each other’s feelings and

opinions.• Make decisions together.• Are honest with each other.• Feel safe and secure.• Listen to each other.

When it’s abuse they may: • Put you down.• Tell you what to do.• Break your stuff.• Threaten you or your children.• Act jealous for no reason.• Slap you around.• Force you to have sex.

When it’s love, you’re in it together.When it’s abuse, you may feel afraid and alone.

(“Is it really love?” EPA, A Division of California Family Health Council, Inc. 2001 pg. 7)

What Does Love Mean? Is It Love or Abuse?

Words Your Child Needs to Hear:

I like it when you try so hard.

Thank you for being patient.

You are a great helper.

You’re a great kid!

Let’s talk about it.

I ’M SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

I love youI’m sorry.

“

”

Thank you.

You’re very special to me.

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Ask yourself the following questions:

[ ] Is your partner extremely jealous? Does he discourage you from speaking to friends or family?

[ ] Does your partner prevent you from getting a job or learning English?

[ ] Has your partner ever threatened to take your children away from you?

[ ] Has your partner told you that he will have you deported?

[ ] Have you ever been hit by your partner?

[ ] Has your partner forced you to have sex when you did not want to?

[ ] Has your partner ever threatened you with weapons like guns, knives or other objects?

[ ] Does your partner claim that his violence is your fault?

[ ] Has your partner told you his violence is not serious?

[ ] Does your partner blame drugs or alcohol for his violent behavior?

[ ] Does your partner make you feel like you are crazy?

[ ] Does your partner call you names that are hurtful and shameful to you?

[ ] Does your partner threaten to commit suicide?

Explore your options

As a victim of domestic violence, you have the right to go to Superior Court and file a petition (at no charge to you) requesting a domestic violence restraining order. It may include:

[ ] A domestic violence restraining order telling the attacker to stay away from you.

[ ] Restraining the attacker from abusing you and your family.

[ ] Directing the attacker to leave the household (kickout order).

[ ] Stop the attacker from contacting you by phone, letter, third party, or email.

[ ] Stop the attacker from entering your residence, school, business, or place of employment.

[ ] Awarding the victim or the other parent custody of / or visitation with a minor child or children. Restraining the attacker from bothering or interfering with the minor children in the custody of the victim (listing children as “protected persons”).

[ ] Directing the party not granted custody to pay child support, if there is a legal obligation.

[ ] Directing the attacker to pay certain bills coming due while the order is in effect.

[ ] Directing that either or both parties go to counseling.

[ ] Directing the abuser to turn in firearms.

You have the right to file a civil suit against the perpetrator for losses suffered as a result of domestic abuse. These losses could include medical expenses and loss of earnings, damage to property and any other related expenses incurred by the victim or agent that shelters the victim.

Know your rights

[ ] Domestic violence victims qualify for the confidential address program. It will forward your mail to a confidential address to keep your former partner from finding you. (Government Code 6207)

[ ] Notice of release or escape from jail / prison for stalking /domestic violence victims available at the request of the victim. (Penal Code 646.92)

Not Me! The Myths of Violence

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E 09

[ ] Victims of various assaultive crimes are allowed up to two support persons to accompany them at court hearings. Penal Code 868.5

[ ] Law enforcement officers are required to enforce orders of protection from other jurisdictions in the same manner they enforce orders issued within their own jurisdictions. An Advocate’s Guide to Full Faith and Credit.

[ ] Federal law prohibits an abuser subject to a qualifying order of protection from possessing firearms and ammunition. I8 U.S.C 922(g)(8) For more information, please see CAADV’s Firearms brochure.

[ ] You have a right to get a copy of the crime report face sheet free of charge from the law enforcement agency. Family Code 6228

[ ] The Victims of Domestic Violence Employment Leave Act prohibits employers from discriminating

or retaliating against domestic violence victims who take time off work to seek judicial remedies, such as restraining orders or domestic violence-related services. Labor Code 230(c)and 230.I

[ ] If you are a victim of domestic violence, the State Victim Compensation and Government Claims Board can help you recover financially and may pay for losses such as medical /dental expenses, mental health treatment, wage or income loss, job retraining, home or vehicle renovation, home security installation, and moving/relocation expenses.

“Exploring your options, Knowing your rights” brochure created by the California Alliance Against Domestic Violence.

Why Does She Stay?Immigrant

status

Fear ofloneliness

Lack ofjob skills

Not knowing options available to her:

Temporary Restraining OrderCounseling Shelter

Legal AidAid to Families with Dependent Children

Support Groups24 hour Assistance

etc.

Attempts to pacify batterer fail repeatedly;

depression follows; self-esteem and

assertiveness diminishes; initiative crumbles.

This is the most devastating roadblock!

Threats to her children, loss of custody

Love and concernfor batterer

Fear of more violence,even death

Lack ofmoney

THE ABUSED

WOMAN’SROADBLOCKS

Filipina American Women Gathered at FWN’s Leadership Summit in San Francisco to Share Strategies on How to Strengthen Their Economic and Political Muscle in the U. S.

Mabuhay ang mga Filipina!

Two magazine publishers, a nonprofit CEO, a journalist, a political consultant, a San Francisco Supervisor candidate, and a governor of the California State Bar Board — these remarkable women led Filipina women at the first Filipina Summit on October 22-23, 2004 at the War Memorial Building sponsored by the Filipina Women’s Network. They were honored at a special awards ceremony at the Summit to highlight their contributions to the Filipina community.

“These Filipina women are changing the world. They are challenging the stereotypes that hold Filipinas back from becoming full participants in the workplace,” said Marily Mondejar, president of FWN, the association for women of Philippine ancestry.

“There are 2.36 million Filipinos in the U.S., 55 percent of which are women. We have identified three Filipinas who have broken through the “glass ceiling” at Fortune 500 companies. These women are Cora Tellez, former president, Health Net; Marissa Peterson, Executive Vice President, Worldwide Operations, Sun Microsystems; and Evelyn Dilsaver, Executive Vice President, Chief Administrative Officer, U.S. Trust Corporation, Charles Schwab. We want to increase this number. The Filipinas Who Could Be President Award and the Filipina Summit are part of a larger “Shape the Filipina Image” campaign to build the Filipina community’s pipeline of qualified leaders, increasing our odds that some will rise to the president position,” Mondejar added.

“I think the Filipina voice, our sharp instincts and knowledge of humanity are critically needed to bring balance to the work-world and all communities. Filipina women are quick learners and fearless teachers. We lined up the marquis

organizations in leadership and strategy at the Filipina Summit and celebrated Filipino American Heritage Month in October,” said Tessie Zaragoza, chair of the board, FWN. “The Summit featured sessions that validated our cultural values and we strategized on how to change the power paradigm.”

Filipinas Who Could be President Honorees:G E L L Y N . B O R R O M E O Publisher, Asian Enterprise Magazine; Executive Director, National Council of Asian American Business Associations (NCAABA); President, Asian Business Ventures, Inc.

I r e n e B. B u e n o Political Consultant and Government Relations Specialist; Co-Founder and Principal of Nueva Vista Group

I R E N E N A T I V I D A D President, Global Summit of Women: Co-Chair, Corporate Women Directors International; Executive Director, Philippine American Foundation

M O N A L I S A Y U C H E N G C O Founder and President, Filipinas Publishing, Inc.; Publisher, Filipinas Magazine; Chairman and Executive Director, Philippine International Aid

M Y R N A L I M President, The Realty Group; Candidate for San Francisco Supervisor, District 11

N E R I S S A F E R N A N D E Z Journalist; Managing Officer, International Media Exchange R U T H E C A T O L I C O A S H L E Y Director, Career Services and Outreach, University of the Pacific, McGeorge School of Law; Governor, Board of Governors, State Bar of California

Filipina Women Who are Changing the World: F I L I P I N A S W H O C O U L D B E P R E S I D E N T

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . “Never doubt ...that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

T h e Va g i n a D i a r i e s :At the orientation of Th e Vagina Monologues, the cast and crew were given a journal to capture their thoughts as the production progressed. Ultimately, they were fi nding a deeper meaning to their participation as buried memories and feelings started surfacing. Th e following are excerpts from their journals refl ecting their involvement in Th e Vagina Monologues and Th e Filipina Women’s Network. Th ese are excerpts from their journals.

VD I A R I E S

When I was 17, I thought I was in love. My fi rst boyfriend was the cool bad boy. I was the shy nice girl. He wanted to spend a lot of time with me. At fi rst, I thought… how great, he really loves me! He wanted to be with me ALL the time. I remember thinking…wow, he really loves me! Every morning he would come to see me at my fi rst class. He was there when I got out of school. I thought…how sweet. Then, the jealousy started kicking in. He’d see me talking to a male classmate and he’d freak out. He’d accuse me of cheating on him. Then it would be about my clothes. My typical outfi t would be jeans and a shirt. Pretty conservative. He accused me of dressing like a slut. I tried breaking up…many times. He always promised to change, he would cry sometimes. It became this rollercoaster cycle of breaking up and making up. During one of our break ups, I went out with my best girlfriend. We went clubbing. At 3AM, we went to the usual 24-hour diner where everyone went after the clubs closed. A police offi cer caught my boyfriend outside the window. He was loitering. The police offi cer lectured me in front of the whole restaurant about how psychotic this situation was. My best gal starts in about how crazy he is. The waitress added her two cents. Honestly, I don’t remember anything they were saying. I was so humiliated. My boyfriend and I still got back together. This time he REALLY wanted to change. He wanted us to work out our problems. He proposed marriage. He found us a marriage counselor. I knew this was insane because we were not married, but honestly, I still thought, wow, he REALLY, REALLY loves me. I was pretty confused. After our fi rst session, the counselor told me confi dentially to “get out of this relationship!” She referred me to Woman, Inc., a non-profi t organization for battered women. I went to a support group with a bunch of middle-aged women who suffered abuse at home. I knew I had to get out. I refused to be in these women’s shoes. I graduated from high school and went to college. Still with him. I went to a university and lived on campus. I remember staying late at the library studying for fi nals and found him waiting in front of my door. He told me he has been waiting for four hours. I decided that I have to leave. I secretly applied for a summer conference in the east coast. I was gone for the whole summer. Never saw him again.

When I was 17, I thought I was in love. My fi rst boyfriend was the cool bad boy.

T H E F L O A T Q U E E NShe was crowned the fl oat queen. He was acaptain in the Armed Forces of the Philippines. Her father did not want her to get involved with him. This man of authority would not be defeated so he kidnapped her, raped her and kept her captive for several months. She became pregnant. She loathed him. He would come and visit his daughter but she would throw rocks at his car. She is my aunt; my mother’s sister. Growing up, I was haunted by this violent story that happened long before I was born. My mother instilled a fear in my sister and me that we could be kidnapped and raped if we made the “wrong” move. As a child on the way to my best friend’s house I remember her warning me to “be careful of her brother and step-father.” I dismissed her warning and went anyway. Once, I insisted on going somewhere she did not approve of and she warned, “If you go, you will get raped”.

Rape became very real in college when a good friend was raped. I was called in as a witness and was interviewed by the campus police. The perpetrator was eventually banned from on-campus housing. My friend and I were shunned by his friends. My aunt’s story continues to haunt me. It became more real when history repeated itself in the form of date rape. It took me a long time to admit I was raped. I never did anything about it. But if I ever see him again, I just hope to have the same courage as my aunt, to throw rocks at his car. — Anonymous

PRIVATE, Anonymous, February 7, 2005

Private thoughts …

Private parts …

Private business …..

So why do you want to know sordid

Details of innocent encounters

With men who know not

What they do ...?

“I can’t even remember who it was.”

Her words pierced deeply into my heart. I was holding

back my tears, biting my bottom lip, as my 21-year

old sobbingly recalled her experience of being touched

without her permission. The sting and shock of buried

memory, the reality of not being able to protest touches

against her will, my hugs not big enough to rescue her

nor keep her from harm, these wild, simultaneous sen-

sations fi lled the electric space between me and her.

I go … way back, where I didn’t want to remember...

those nights when Momma was taking typing classes

at the high school. He would come to my bed and

pretended to talk, or sometimes read me a story. He

forced me to touch him. The warmth scared me, but

I was frozen in terror, not really registering what

was going on in my fi ve-year old mind. I felt great

fear, but made no sound of protest. I just stared at the

lamp. Its glow on my face kept me from looking down

the covers where his maleness wanted caressing. My

small hand did not grasp. He guided it up and down

the shaft, the back of my hand felt its hard and soft

surfaces.

I snapped back to my younger daughter’s sobbing

body. I could only hug her gently.

Thanksgiving was a marred holiday this year.

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E 11

ccording to San Francisco’s Department on the Status of Women, an estimated 3.9 million women are physically abused each year, about one every eight seconds. More than three women are murdered by their domestic partners every day in the United States. Th e Filipino community has been visible recently through several highly publicized cases of Filipinas being murdered by their partners. In response, the City of San Francisco developed a strategic plan to address the problem. Unfortunately, thousands of domestic violence incidents go underreported each year. Santa Clara County reported that in six deaths related to domestic violence last year, no previous reports were fi led that may have alerted or warned authorities of a potential problem. I interviewed Paulita Lasola Malay, a licensed marriage and family therapist in San Mateo County, about her observations on domestic violence in the Filipino Community. Malay was Filipino outreach coordinator and bilingual community educator at the Center for Domestic Violence Prevention (now known as CORA) of the San Mateo County. She focused her eff orts on educating the community about domestic violence and its prevention. She also founded the Filipino Outreach Program of the agency. Malay said that domestic violence occurs in all communities. She was hesitant to claim however, that the Filipino community has the higher rates of domestic violence than any other ethnicity. Malay along with the Asian Women’s Shelter agreed that gathering accurate statistics is diffi cult since most cases are never reported or are kept confi dential. Th e fact is, domestic violence crosses all racial and ethnic boundaries; it happens in one out of four relationships regardless of race or color. Th e only relevant statistics that indicates domestic violence to be a growing problem in the Filipino community was in a 1998 Homicide Survey from the San Francisco District Attorney’s Offi ce that

stated, “40 percent of women murdered by their partners were Filipinas.” Malay believes one possible explanation may be the mail-order bride phenomenon. To escape poverty, Filipinas risk the safety of home and come to the U.S. as brides to men who are essentially strangers. Another factor may be the religious upbringing of Filipinos and the belief that marriage is permanent while divorce is morally wrong. Religious leaders oft en reinforce victimization by advising women “to carry the cross the Lord asked you to bear.” Traditionally, Filipinas also have the tendency to put the needs of their partners before their own. In turn, these factors oft en tend to encourage Filipinas to suff er in silence. When Malay started her private practice as a mental health clinician / psychotherapist / relationship specialist, Filipinos comprised less than 10 percent of her clientele. Most Filipinos believe that psychotherapy is for “crazy” people. Malay facilitates intervention groups for people accused of domestic violence. She leads two groups for Filipinos and conducted in Tagalog or Taglish (Tagalog / English). Th e third group is for female off enders. A year ago, six of the 12 participants were Filipinas. In 1998, Malay established a support group in Daly City for Filipinas who were involved in abusive relationships. Today, she remains the only Filipina psychotherapist. In fact, she’s the only Asian psychotherapist in the fi eld of domestic violence treatment and prevention in San Mateo County. Malay has a private practice in brief growth-oriented therapy, cross-cultural or inter-racial relationships, in anger management, and in attaining healthy relationships. Go to www.gettingbetterandbetter.com

Shelene Atanacio is a cast member of Th e Vagina Monologues 2005 produced by FWN. She’s an actor / writer / playwright. More information can be found at www.sheleneatanacio.com.

Domestic Violence and the Filipino CommunityBy S h e l e n e At an a c io

A

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1CHILD ABUSE

Catta Center707. 664. 3225

Child & Family ServicesSan Francisco415. 206. 8772

Parental StressAlameda510. 893. 5444800. 829. 3777pscfamily.netRespite childcare, parenting classes, family, hotline

COURT SERVICES /LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICES

Court InfoCo.alameda.ca.us/courts/index.shtmlCourt dates, fill out forms

Alameda County Superior CourtBerkeley Clerk’s Office2000 Center St., Rm. 202Berkeley, CA 94704510. 644. 8999Filing for Temporary Restraining Orders

Alameda County Superior CourtFamily Court Clerks1225 Fallon St., Rm. 250Oakland, CA 94612510. 208. 4935Restraining order application for self-filing

Alameda County Superior CourtFamily Law Facilitator’s Office224 West Winton Ave., Room 179Hayward, CA 94544510. 670. 5150No-fee court affiliated assistance with custody, child support, etc.

DA’s OfficeDomestic Violence AdvocateOakland510. 268. 7276Contact: Ali

DA’s Office – Stalking 510. 272. 6295 Victim Witness Advocate: Kelly Sage; Trains stalking victimsStalking Inspector: Corey White

Fremont Police Dept.Domestic Violence AdvocateFremont510. 790. 6939 Contact: Carol

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS

24-Hour Emergency Shelter4700 International Blvd.Oakland, CA 94601510. 534. 6030510. 534. 9140 – FaxWomen and children;30-90 Days

AASRA-Federation of Indo-AmericanFremont800. 313. 2772510. 657. 1245510. 657. 1246South Asian Languages;Women and Children (Priority to South Asian);M-F intakes and overnight emergency

Building Futures with Women And Children / Sister Me Home 1395 Bancroft Ave.San Leandro, CA 94577866. A-Way-Out510. 357. 0205bfwc.orgSpanish; Women and Children

Emergency Shelter Program 22634 2nd St., Suite 205Hayward, CA 94541 510. 581. 5626510. 786. 1246888. 339. SAFESpanish; 90-day stay, women and children of domestic violence / homeless

Save 39155 Liberty St., Suite C310Fremont, CA 94538 510. 794. 6055510. 574. 2250510. 574. 2252 save-dv.org Spanish, Hindi, Tamil;60-day shelter

Shepherd’s GateLivermore925. 443. 4283Fax: 925. 449. 3114

Tri-Valley Haven PO Box 2190 Livermore, CA 94551 800. 884. 8119925. 449. 5845925. 449. 5842 Cantonese, German, French, Spanish, Tagalog, Hindi; Emergency shelter for women and children of DV; 3.5 month max stay

Women’s RefugeBerkeley 510. 547. 4663510. 547. 5432 Fax Thewomensrefuge.orgEnglish; Women Only, No children; 4-6 months; Weekday intakes

Saint John’s Shelter1321 N.C. StreetSacramento. CA 95814916. 448. 0701Spanish, Vietnamese

Stand Against Domestic Violence1410 Danzig Plaza Concord, CA 94520 888. 215. 5555925. 676. 2845 standagainstdv.org Spanish; Six weeks max stay

Weave (Women Escaping Violence)1900 K St. Sacramento, CA 95814916. 920. 2952916. 448. 2321

Asian Women’s Shelter3453 18th St., #19San Francisco, CA 94110877. 751. 0880 415. 751. 7110Various Asian Languages9:00 am – 5:00 pm; M-F intakes; 12 week stay

La Casa de Las Madres1850 Mission St., #BSan Francisco, CA 94103 877. 503. 1850415. 503. 0500lacasa.orgSpanish, Mandarin, Tagalog, French, Arabic;Women and children;9:00–5:00; M–F intakes

Marin Abused Women’s Services734 A StreetSan Rafael, CA 94901415. 924. 6616415. 457. 2464415. 924. 3456 – SpanishMaws.org

Asian Women’s Home2400 Moorpark Ave.San Jose, CA 95128 408. 975. 2739aaci.orgAsian languages; Women and children

CORA (Center for Domestic Violence Prevention) San Mateo 650. 312. 8515 650. 652. 0800 Spanish; 6-8 weeks;Women and Children

La Isla Pacifica San Jose408. 683. 4118Women and Children

Next Door 1181 N. Fourth St., Ste. ASan Jose, CA 95112 408. 279. 2962408. 279. 7550nextdoor.orgSpanish; Women and Children; Boys under 16 only; 24 hour intake, sliding fee

Network for Battered Women 1975 W. El Camino Real, Suite 205Mountain View, CA 800. 275. 6472650. 940. 7850650. 940. 1037snbw.orgSpanish language; Women and Children

Nisa (North American Islamic Shelter for the Abused)Palo Alto888. 275. 6472

Eden Info & Referral East Bay510. 537. 2552alamedaco.infoDaily updates of shelter availability in East Bay

National Domestic Violence Hotline800. 799. SafeDomestic violence shelters in US regions

Woman Inc.Bay Area415. 864. 4722Daily updates of shelter availability in the Bay Area

LESBIAN, GAY, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER, & QUESTIONING

AQAUSan Francisco 415. 292. 3900Queer youth services

Network for Battered Lesbian & Bisexual Women San Francisco County415. 281. 0276Support group

Community UnitedAgainst Violence160 14th St., San Francisco, CA 94103415. 777. 5500415. 333. Help415. 777. 5565cuav.orgLegal advocacy, free counseling, 24-hour support line, emergency assistance (hotel, food, etc.) to domestic violence and sexual assault victims, education, prevention

Maitri Hotline San Mateo CountyPO Box 60111Sunnyvale, CA 94086408. 730. 4049888. 8. Maitrimaitri.orgSouth Asian Women Peer support / counseling for domestic violence, Family law, immigration domestic violence issues, translation, interpretation, transitional housing and community education

Pacific CenterAlameda County, Berkeley, SF County2712 Telegraph Ave.Berkeley, CA 94705 510. 548. 8283pacificcenter.orgGroup and individual counseling, narcotics anonymous, HIV and Aids group, social groups

Project Eden Hayward 510. 247. 8200LGBTQQ Youth; Support groups for youth surrounding drug and alcohol use

Sexual Minority Alliance of Alameda County (SMAAC) Youth CenterAlameda County510. 834. 9578LGBTQQ Youth; Support groups for youth

SF LGBT CenterSan Francisco County415. 865. 5555

V - RESO U RCES

F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K | w w w . f f w n . o r g12

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1Empowering People to Create Relationships that Work.

• Workshops, Classes and Retreats• Training and Facilitation

510. 433. 0700www.baynvc.org

Once we study NVC we can’t ignore the potential for transformation that lies in any difficult relationship, if we only bother to communicate with skill and empathy.

– Bernie Glassman, President and Co-Founder Peacemaker Community

LEGAL REFERRALS: TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER ASSISTANCE

Legal Aid of Napa County1227 Coombs St., Napa, CA 94559 707. 255. 4933707. 255. 2312 – FaxSeniors only; Only services senior clients in abusive situations; For domestic violence retraining orders in Napa area, refer to Napa Emergency Women’s Services

Napa Emergency Women’s Services1001 Second St., Napa, CA 94559 707. 255. 6397707. 252. 3687707. 252. 3069 – FaxContact legal advocate Gabby Caro for help with restraining orders

The Cooperative Restraining Order ClinicSan Francisco415. 864. 4777415. 864. 4722415. 864. 1082 – FaxBilingual Service;Restraining Order Assistance free of charge;Paperwork served to batterer at reduced fee

LEGAL SERVICES

Asian Pacific Islander (API) Legal Outreach 1212 Broadway St., #400Oakland, CA 94612510. 251. 2846510. 267. 6248 – FaxWalk-in Clinic Rm 1-4; Interpreter provided with appointment; Family, civil, and immigration law restraining orders, queer domestic violence, Asian Languages; Free and sliding scale fees

Asian and Pacific Islander (API) Legal Outreach 1188 Franklin St., #202San Francisco, CA 94109 415. 567. 6255415. 567. 6248 – FaxServes Asian Communities; Family, civil, and immigration law; temporary restraining order, Gay Domestic Violence Project; Free and sliding scale fees

Asian Women’s Home2400 Moorpark Avenue, Suite 300San Jose, CA 95128408. 975. 2739Temporary restraining order assistance; Counseling; Serves all countries; 24-hour crisis line, shelter; Works with translators to serve various Asian-speaking clients

Catholic Charities Immigration ProjectOakland510. 768. 3102Visa petitions, citizenship, Vawa Cases (Victims of domestic violence cases)

Domestic Violence Restraining Order ClinicRichmond137th St., Room 185, Richmond, CA510. 374. 3364Restraining Order clinic held in Richmond Courthouse Mon & Fri 8-5 pm

Law Center for Families510 16th St., Suite 300Oakland, CA 94612510. 451. 9261510. 763. 2169 – FaxIncome required; Services are free or on a sliding scale; Legal advocates for deaf women and children victims of domestic violence in greater Bay Area

SEXUAL ASSAULT

Bay Women Against RapeOakland510. 430. 1298sfcf.org.bawar.htmServes rape and incest victims; Intake: M-F 10-3; 10 free then sliding scale; Short-term counseling, referrals, accompaniment to hospital, court advocacy

Eden Information and ReferralsAlameda510. 537. 2552 M-F 10-4; Counseling, legal, sexual assault, CalWorks

Sage Project San Francisco415. 905. 5050sageinc.orgGirls in custody, substance abuse

Women Against Rape 3543 18th St., San Francisco, CA 94110 415. 861. 2024Sexual assault

TEENS

National Domestic Violence Hotline800. 799. Safe

Rape Crisis Line510. 798. 7273

Asian Community Mental Health 510. 451. 6729Teens and adults

Center for Family Counseling510. 562. 3731 Girls and Boys; Free family counseling for 8-17 yr-old girls / boys; girls self-esteem group; boys anger management group; After-abortion counseling talk-line, confidential, nonjudgmental, and unbiased

13F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E

FOREPLAY: Live Music Performance Evelie Delfino Sales Posch & Socorro “Kit” de Castro P A R T O N E

INTRODUCTION Bettina Santos Yap, Giovannie Pico, Leah Eva, Shelene Atanacio INTRODUKSYON Cathy N. Platon, Edna Austria Rodis, Edna Biscocho Murray, Elena Mangahas, Gloria Ramos, Jacquie Lingad-Ricci, Jossie Alegre, Joy San Andres, Rachel Puno INTRO – HAIR Anne Kagawan-Lucas HAIR Edna Austria Rodis, Sonia Delen (Charmaine Mesina, Jacquie Lingad-Ricci – understudies) WEAR AND SAY Cathy N. Platon, Edna Biscocho Murray, Genevieve V. Jopanda, Helen Marte Bautista, Jacquie Lingad-Ricci, Jessica Jallorina, Jossie Alegre, Joy San Andres INTRO – THE FLOOD Charmaine Mesina THE FLOOD Babe Barton, Elena Mangahas (Edna Austria Rodis – understudy) THE VAGINA WORKSHOP Bettina Santos Yap, Shelene Atanacio, Tisa Mendoza VAGINA HAPPY FACT Evelyn Luluquisen INTRO – BECAUSE HE LIKED TO LOOK AT IT Terry Bautista

BECAUSE HE LIKED TO LOOK AT IT Bettina Santos Yap, Gloria Ramos (Evelyn Luluquisen – understudy) INTRO – I WAS 12. MY MOTHER SLAPPED ME Blesilda Ocampo I WAS 12. MY MOTHER SLAPPED ME Katrina Delen Briones, Kristein Delen Briones, Jessica Jallorina, Joy San Andres NOT-SO-HAPPY FACT Helen Marte Bautista INTRO – CROOKED BRAID Connie Lloren CROOKED BRAID Anne Kagawan-Lucas, Blesilda Ocampo, Charmaine Mesina, Genevieve V. Jopanda, Giovannie Pico, Terry Bautista EXTRO – Update on the Philippine’s Anti-Violence Against Women Law passed by President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo in 2004 Jacquie Lingad-Ricci EXTRO – Filipina violence statistics in San Francisco Charmaine Mesina GALIT ANG PUKI KO Edna Biscocho Murray & Elena Mangahas MY ANGRY VAGINA Genevieve V. Jopanda & Leah Eva I N T E R M I S S I O N P A R T T W O

HANDPRINTS Marily Mondejar

INTRO – MY VAGINA WAS MY VILLAGE Lourdes Santos Tancinco MY VAGINA WAS MY VILLAGE Edna Austria Rodis, Giovannie Pico, Rachel Puno, Shelene Atanacio MUSICAL INTERLUDE INTRO — THE LITTLE COOCHI SNORCHER THAT COULD Chris L. Robertson THE LITTLE COOCHI SNORCHER THAT COULD Giovannie Pico, Jessica Jallorina, Joy San Andres, Tisa Mendoza THE MEMORY OF HER FACE Baghdad – Lourdes Santos Tancinco Islamabad – Charmaine Mesina, Sonia Delen Juarez – Giovannie Pico, Rachel Puno EXTRO Lourdes Santos Tancinco UNDER THE BURQA Anne Kagawan-Lucas, Babe Barton, Blesilda Ocampo, Evelie Delfino Sales Posch, Evelyn Luluquisen, Helen Marte Bautista, Jacquie Lingad-Ricci SMELL (Taglish version) Cathy N. Platon, Evelyn Luluquisen, Genevieve V. Jopanda, Helen Marte Bautista, Jacquie Lingad-Ricci, Jessica Jallorina, Jossie Alegre, Joy San Andres MY SHORT SKIRT Shelene Atanacio, Tisa Mendoza OUTRAGEOUS VAGINA FACT Rachel Puno INTRO – RECLAIMING CUNT Evelyn Luluquisen

RECLAIMING CUNT Elena Mangahas PAGBAWI SA PUKE Bettina Santos Yap A SIX YEAR-OLD WAS ASKED Asia Barton & Chris L. Robertson INTRO – THE WOMAN WHO LOVED TO MAKE VAGINAS HAPPY Terry Bautista THE WOMAN WHO LOVED TO MAKE VAGINAS HAPPY Giovannie Pico, Leah Eva, Shelene Atanacio UNGOL O HALINGHING Bettina Santos Yap, Edna Austria Rodis, Elena Mangahas, Gloria Ramos INTRO – I WAS THERE IN THE ROOM Marily Mondejar I WAS THERE IN THE ROOM Bettina Santos Yap, Charmaine Mesina, Edna Austria Rodis, Elena Mangahas, Helen Marte Bautista, Jacquie Lingad-Ricci, Jossie Alegre, Lourdes Santos Tancinco, Marily Mondejar, Sonia Delen INTRO OF VAGINA WARRIORS Marily Mondejar with Blesilda Ocampo and Tessie Zaragoza VAGINA WARRIORS Department on the Status of Women: City and County of San Francisco, Giovannie Pico, Gloria Ramos, Kamala D. Harris, Rita Villavicencio Schmid, Tony Taguba and Velma R. Veloria CURTAIN CALL

V - D A Y S A N F R A N C I S C O 2 0 0 5 : F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E

F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K & V - D A Y P R E S E N T

EVE ENSLER’S

T H E VA G I N A M O N O L O G U E S P R O G R A M

S U N D A Y , M A R C H 1 3 | M O N D A Y , M A R C H 1 47 : 0 0 P M | H E R B S T T H E A T R E | 4 0 1 V A N N E S S A V E N U E , S A N F R A N C I S C O

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E

Woman Feels: Relieved, angry over incident, guilty, hopeful.

Perpetrator Feels: Apologetic, remorseful, forgetful about degree of violence, self-righteous, unable to understand why woman is still angry.

Child Feels: Embarrassed, humiliated, relieved, guilty, angry.

Woman’s Behavior: Offers excuses for batterer, talks, tries to settle, solve or prevent future incidents, hopes and believes change will last.

Perpetrator’s Behavior: Makes promises to change, blames others and the victim for life situations and actions, especially blames alcohol and other drugs.

Child’s Behavior: Tries to please, distracts self, shows stress behavior, nervousness or tics.

Woman Feels: Frightened, trapped, helpless, numb

Perpetrator Feels: Angry, enraged, disgusted, self-righteous, jealous, frustrated.

Child Feels: Frightened, trapped, helpless.

Woman’s Behavior: May try to protect self, hit back or submit helplessly, may try to get away or seek help, may feign unconsciousness.

Perpetrator’s Behavior: Dangerously violent, deliberate desire to hurt or kill. May be out of control or irrational.

Child’s Behavior: May watch helplessly, hide, attempt to stop fighting. May attempt to help woman or may join in beating her.

Woman Feels: Angry, unfairly treated, hopeless tense afraid, embarrassed, depressed, humiliated, disgusted

Perpetrator Feels: Tense, frustrated, disgusted, self-righteous, or jealous.

Child Feels: Afraid, tense, angry at Mom for not “fixing” the situation, confused.

Woman’s Behavior: Nurturing, compliant, accepting, works to diffuse partner’s anger/ frustration, may verbally express her own angry feelings. May use alcohol / drugs to avoid feelings.

Perpetrator’s Behavior: Verbally abusive, fits of anger or rage, silent, controlling, drug and alcohol use, possessive, demanding, irritable

Child’s Behavior: Sides with one parent over the other, hides, denies or tries to distract.

15

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Pride2005 2/18/05 12:35 PM Page 1

he theory of the cycle of violence

was developed by Dr. Lenore Walker.

It has three distinct phases which are

generally present in a violent relationship.

In a violent relationship, the beginning

is sweet, charming, and loving. Then, the

following three phases become a pattern.

1. Tension Building Phase. Lasts from days to several months, with no violence.

2. Violent Episode Phase. Violence occurs now and may last for hours or 2-3 days.

3. Honeymoon Phase. This is a kind and loving period, also called the “hope” or “hook” phase.

Outlined below are typical feelings and behaviors exhibited by family members in the various phases of the cycle of violence.

The Cycle of Violence

PHASE ONE: TENSION BUILDING

PHASE TWO: VIOLENT EPISODE

T

PHASE THREE: THE HONEYMOON

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C O V E R S T O R Y

Giovannie’s Story: Survivor. Advocate. Single Mom. Actor. Text by Glor ia Ramos | Photos by Adam Ber w id and Era Coniendo

“He Never Hit Me!” she inter-jected quite adamantly. Perhaps she was still trying to convince herself that it wasn’t that bad, although it was years past. “I want to make that very clear…he never hit me!” We were waiting for her turn at a rehearsal for the Fili-pina Women’s Network’s V-Day 2005 produc-tion of The Vagina Monologues. As I looked at this young woman sitting cross-legged on the carpet across from me, her face began to fade. She looked as if she was sixteen rather than twenty-six, her smooth baby face was devoid of make-up, her chin length hair swung like an ebony silk curtain over her cheeks. It was not a face marked with her inner pain, you would never know what she’d been through if she didn’t make it a point to tell you. “He once threw a log at me. Luckily, I shut the door and it hit the door instead. The log made a big dent. I shudder to think what dam-age that would have done to my face, my head.” She became pensive, then continued wistfully. “I’d probably be a vegetable by now if I hadn’t reacted quickly.” Her gaze was distant. She

was replaying that scene in the theater of her memory. “You see, I didn’t think it was abuse. I thought that it was normal because I grew up in a family where it was okay to yell and scream…slam doors in anger. I didn’t see my father hitting my mom, but I knew that he did. I thought this was how married people fight.” As she spoke she picked a pinch off her choco-late muffin…she ate it that way, one tiny piece at a time. I wanted Giovannie to start from the beginning. “How did you meet? How long did you know him before you got married?” I asked, curious about what she saw in him, how their relationship evolved into the horror that it was for her. “We met when I was fifteen, in acting class. He was okay. We went together for a couple of years and got married when I was eighteen.” She continued picking on the muffin. “Did he show any angry behavior when you were still dating?” She was quiet for a minute, then she hesi-

tatingly replied, “If we were in the car driving somewhere, he’d drive fast, like a maniac. It would frighten me. You know, that road rage kind of thing. Other than that, there really weren’t any signs. Like I said, he wouldn’t hit me…so I didn’t think it was abuse. When he got mad, he’d throw things, punch walls, slam doors. I had to bite my tongue – there were signs, there are always signs…we just choose not to see them.” Giovannie doesn’t have any bruises or scars, none that are apparent anyway. Her face was almost placid, her tone even…as if she were telling a story she heard of, not lived through. “It started when we had my son. After he was born, my husband started forbidding me to drive. He said that I couldn’t drive and take care of the baby at the same time. He drove me

everywhere, to the bank, to the grocery store. I couldn’t even take my son to the park! He had to go with us because he believed we might be kidnapped.” She rolled her eyes in disbe-lief, that he somehow had talked her into that. “We lived in the country…because he said that anywhere else was evil. Society was bad, cities were bad, the suburbs were bad and we needed to be far from it all. I was yanked from

all of my friends and family when we moved far away. I really didn’t have anyone but him.” She shivered almost im-perceptibly. Giovannie was on a roll, all of a sud-den she couldn’t give out the details fast enough. “I felt like nothing. He was constantly putting me down. I couldn’t Giovannie with son Sammy; RIGHT PHOTO:

With her acting coach Nancy

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E 17

ever do anything right by his standards. I was a bad mom, I didn’t take care of the baby well enough. I was a bad wife, there was always something… I was sloppy with the laundry, the cook-ing. He kept saying that I wasn’t lis-tening to him. It was always my fault, he would turn things around on me so that it seemed like whatever the situation was, was always my fault. I was sad all the time, I was constantly in fear of making him angry.” Her eyes got misty then. “I tried to tell someone. We went to church every week and I tried to tell some of the people there how I felt. All they advised me to do was to try harder, pray more, love him more. When we went to church I had to pretend that everything was okay, even if I was dying inside.” Tears started flowing down her cheeks. “I was ashamed, I thought some-thing was wrong with me! I was ashamed that I couldn’t make my marriage work. I used to think, he’ll change, he loves me, he’s only look-ing out for me.”

Hands clasped together tightly as if in desperate prayer, Giovannie took a deep breath and contin-

ued,” This is why I’m so passionate about this show, The Vagina Mono-

logues, I want people…women to have information about abuse. He

doesn’t have to hit you. So often abuse is left in the dark, there is shame associated

with it. You think it’s your fault, you think that no one else is going through what you are.” Her pain was as keen now as it had been then…“When did you get your aha! moment?” I asked. “One day, in an acting class I was taking, I just broke down and cried. My teacher, Nancy, thank God, was not one of those people who is afraid to come off as impolite. She asked me what was really going on with me. She got in my business and validated the fact that what was happening to me was not right. I owe her a lot. She helped me see that my marriage was abusive. It was very validating.” “You said he wouldn’t let you do anything, or see anyone. How did you manage to go to

acting class?” “He quit his job because he wanted to keep closer tabs on me and the baby.” Giovannie’s voice was tremulous. “We began to have financial troubles so I convinced him that I could get jobs with my voice and my acting. He agreed, yet, he would drive me to and from classes and any work appointments. If I was even one minute late when he came to pick me up, he would be very upset.” Giovannie spoke again of how much her teacher, Nancy, had helped her even after her initial epiphany. She recommended books that could shed light on her situation, books that Giovannie managed to read on the sly “You know, there was a checklist in the book Free-ing Yourself From Abuse, I saw myself and my situation in every one of the twenty items. I started reading more books about abusive relationships such as: Boundaries and Safe People, I began to stand up for myself and things got even worse.” I could see the marked change in her posture at this time, head held

(Continued on page18)

Violence Against Women: A Lifetime Spiral

ABUSES ENDURED BY A WOMAN DURING HER LIFE CYCLEPrinted with permission: Asian & Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence, March

2003. www.apiahf.org/apidvinstitute

Make sure you have access to a phone* and a list of emergency and support numbers. When you leave, be sure to take the following:

[ ] Personal identification cards[ ] Driver’s license[ ] Passport[ ] Residency card (green card)[ ] Social security card[ ] Public assistance identification[ ] Medical information[ ] Health cards[ ] Medications and/or prescriptions[ ] Immigration papers[ ] Birth certificates[ ] Legal documents including marriage license[ ] Divorce or separation papers[ ] Police reports[ ] Restraining orders or other protective orders[ ] Insurance documents[ ] A set of keys (house, apartment, car)[ ] Money[ ] Checkbook[ ] Credit cards[ ] ATM card[ ] Spare eyeglasses[ ] Jewelry[ ] Sentimental items and photographs

*If you do not have access to a phone, the Verizon Wireless HopeLine Program may be able to provide you with a free cell phone. Please call 415-252-4653 for eligibility criteria and details.

Adapted from a publication by the Department on the Status of Women, City and County of San Francisco.

What to pack in your

get-away bagDomestic violence is just one amongst many forms of violence against women. From the aborting of female fetuses to intimate homi-cide, girls and women can encoun-ter numerous opperessions during infancy, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and as elders. Some of these are confined to one stage in the lifecycle, some continue into subse-quent stages.

Violence among women is more than physical, sexual, economic and emo-tional abuse; it is also about living in a climate of fear, misery, loss, mistrust, humiliation and despair. The lives of abused Asian and Pacific Islander women are shadowed by the cultural burdens of shame and devaluation. These abuses are experienced in the context of additional oppressions based on race, ethnicity, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, type of labor being performed, level of education, class position, disability, or immigration/ refugee status.

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(Giovannie’s Story, continued)

high, shoulders squared. She had everything to be proud of now. “What happened next?” “I got him to agree to go to counseling. He went a couple of times but he’d just deny any of it and make it all my fault all over again. I continued with the counseling for myself and the counselor confirmed that I had to get away, but that I had to do it slowly because there was no telling what my husband would do.” Giovannie heaved a deep sigh. In my mind, there was something askew here. This young woman with her short Ha-waiian summer dress, Harley Davidson boots and angelic countenance didn’t belong with this Edgar Allan Poe-like tale. You’d expect someone with haunted eyes, somebody who cringes when you try to touch them. There is no commonality among the abused, save per-haps eroded self-esteem. The gamut is there, accomplished business women, leaders, clerks, housewives, young, old, pretty or not…it is not ethnic or culture specific…every kind of woman can be the victim of abusive behavior. Many keep smiling in spite of the hollow shell

they feel like, daily. “How did you finally get away?” Giovannie was quiet for a minute, organiz-ing her thoughts. “I took the counselor’s advice and planned everything. One day, when he was taking a shower, I grabbed the baby and the car keys. I just left. I took nothing. I called my mom and she met me someplace. I stayed with my mom, and after a week, she helped me get an apartment. I was lucky everything went smoothly.” All’s well tha t ends well? Yes, she got away from it, but does one ever? “How are thingsbetween you and your ex-husband now, Giovannie?” “He has custody of our son three week-ends a month. Sometime ago, my son said that his dad broke the computer. I asked him what that was like. He said that Dad got mad at the dial, dial, dial…I guess they have dial up access to the internet and it wouldn’t connect. His dad got angry, grabbed the computer and threw it on the floor. I don’t want my son to be exposed to this behavior.” Tears threatened to spill out again from her almond shaped eyes. “I’ve noticed that lately, my son has also been throwing things. I don’t know what I can do

about this…I guess, my little boy is learning how to be angry from his father.” Drawing her knees up to her chest and hugging them, her eyes were sparkling with the confidence she now had but didn’t have then. “When I left my husband, I felt like noth-ing…that I could do nothing right. I am not that person anymore. It took, and it still takes a lot of healing to feel any kind of self worth. It took a community of people to get me back on my feet. Since I left, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me...like I can literally breathe again. Nancy was at the head of the line forming my community.” “Who are you now, Giovannie?” I couldn’t help but grin at this valiant woman. “I have been able to create a life for myself and my son that doesn’t include fear. I feel normal now…I have been able to accomplished things that seemed unreachable.” She looked even younger than sixteen now, it was like listening to a young girl going to her first dance. “I teach an acting class in San Francisco, AND! I’m a recurring medical student on the NBC series ER, would you believe it? I am acting along-side people like Mehki Pheifer, Noah Wyle and Maura Tierney!”

There is one way to mark a winner, it is the one who survives the worst and then thrives. This is Giovannie. She was lucky, most victims of abuse go back a dozen times to their abuser before they get away. Giovannie left once and stayed away. Giovanni thrived. She is now an accom-plished actress who had garnered the lead in a feature film called American Yearbook which deals with high school bullying. The film won the audience award at the Dances With Films Festival in Santa Monica, California. You’re right Giovannie, he never laid his hand on your flesh in anger, he never hit you…but his harsh criticisms and accusations shattered your heart. He pulverized your spirit when he threw things around in a fit of rage. Now you know, what you went through was in ways even more damaging, it was also abuse.

Gloria Ramos is an educator. She has

just published her first tale of love, The

Whippoorwill, under the pseudonym

Xiomara Jones. The book is available for

sale at XiomaraJ.com

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E 19

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“ I AM NOT A V ICTIM , I AM A SURVIVOR!” by Rita Villavicencio-Schmid

I was fi ve, still two years short of the age of reason, when I was forced to live a nightmare by a man I trusted - someone who was FAMILY. This man married into a family of seven daughters. Looking back, it was like having a big, bad wolf that sneaked into a sheep pen with burning thoughts of devouring the entire herd. This man chose no less than a holy and family day to unfold his wicked plan. Sundays were our get-together days at our parents’ house. He tried to win the favor of all by being the perfect son-in-law who enjoyed spending Sunday brunch with the rest of us. He was bonding with us, but for an especially devious purpose. He gained the family’s trust and was given the responsibility of picking me up from school. This was one duty he relished and performed diligently. For after picking me up from school, he would take me to a motel where he would satiate his sick lust without restraint. Nightmares hounded me for many years. The molestation would go on till I was in my 20s. The worst part was it went on and on in criminal silence. I lost my virginity. I lost my childhood. And I lost my voice. I grew up terribly confused. I didn’t like what was being done to me by this man. I hated it. I despised him. Why did I not say or do anything? Could have I stopped him? But whom could I turn to? What would I say? Years later, I found out that his wicked ways persisted. He ravaged yet one more girl: my niece. I could not forgive myself. I was angry. This displaced anger was unfortunately and unfairly directed toward someone I truly loved and cared for. Eventually, this anger will seep unconsciously into my relationships, many of which were tumultuous and sometimes violent. My past was haunting me and it was destroying the way I relate to people. It destroyed the way I perceive myself. It took many years of therapy to fi nd myself and learn to stand up for my beliefs. My loving parents and siblings helped me cope. I am loved! Not lusted after, but truly loved. If this story brings shame upon my father’s name, pain upon my siblings, nieces, nephews…my entire family, I am sorry. I feel I should have taken steps in denouncing my brother-in-law’s unlawful actions a long time ago. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been if I was not molested as a child? Would I have been married with children? Or would I be the lesbian that I am now? The fact is I no longer wonder why. I now have a mission in life. Speaking about my past is empowering. I am reclaiming the dignity I deserve with no shame. For the people I hurt, I seek your forgiveness. I have taken back my life and wish to do what is right. I am not a victim, I am a survivor! To all who share my experience, may this tale be one of caution, inspiration and action.

VD I A R I E S

Finding my “Voice” I have been through a lot in life and have examined many of these things in my self-healing efforts. I have experienced the ecstacy, as well as the connection to “Spirit” and all that makes us one and the same. I have also experienced the violence – physical, psychological, and experienced in subtle ways. I have experienced the silence of date rape.

My grandmother came here in the 1920’s. Her fi rst husband died when she was pregnant with her 5th child during the Depression. She was physically abused by her second husband, even before they were married. He frequently beat her in front of her 5 children, and she stayed with him because he was a “good provider.” As a child, my father took his anger out on me – brutal spankings that had to be endured in silence. I learned that I had to be quiet, or else Dad would get mad, and would end up in the hospital and possibly die. Who wanted to speak up with that in mind? I married a probation offi cer whose caseload was high level drug dealers and murderers. Threats to our family were frequent. I left the marriage when I realized that my fear level was so high that I could not open a door without looking for trip wires, bomb packages under cars and behind doors. During the separation, I realized how little I could feel of myself, and went into a deep depression. Finally, when I said I wanted a divorce, he became suicidal. I spent the nights terrorized, huddled on my apartment fl oor away from the window, afraid that he would come at me with his gun to kill me and our daughter. In wanting to do my best with the monologue assigned to me, do I just let the words speak for themselves, as the script says? How do you describe the difference between the voices? Are there two women? Is it the same woman? The dark woman – has she had much distance in time from the event? How does she hold it? Raw, embittered? Dead, unfeeling? Confused, disconnected? The ecstasy woman – is she a woman in rapture? Is she remembering the past? Is she in the present? Is she the one who has integrated the dark memories and now has been able to experience the ecstacy? What is the last section about? Integration? Resignation? Suddenly I’m not sure who is speaking here.

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E 21

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F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E

Vagina Warriors Lead the Way hat is a Vagina Warrior? Someone who has suffered or witnessed violence, grieved it, transformed it, and then does extraordinary work to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else in their community. In every community there are humble activists working every day, beat by beat to undo suffering. They sit by hospital beds, pass new laws, chant taboo words, write proposals, beg for money, demonstrate and hold vigils in the streets. These women and men have dedicated themselves to-ward ending such violence through effec-tive grassroots means. They have been the heart of V-Day since it was conceived as a worldwide movement to empower and en-able local activist to raise awareness and funds locally through V-Day benefi t productions of The Vagina Monologues. In order to guarantee a world without violence, in a time of danger and escalating madness, we urged the following Vagina Warriors to come out and join us so together can continue our work. Recognizing these incredible individuals is the highlight of Filipina Women’s Network’s V-Day San Francisco 2005. We honor the following Vagina Warriors:

Giovannie Anne Pico was born in Manila and migrated to the U.S. with her family when she was a year old. Before entering show business, Giovannie was in an abusive relationship for four years, living in fear and isolation in a cabin in South Lake Tahoe. Her controlling ex-husband did not allow her to have friends, contact her family or leave the house without him accompanying her. Eventually with the help of her acting coach, she was able to escape with her baby leaving her fear and abusive husband behind. In her journey to survive her abu-sive relationship, she found passion in the acting industry landing the role of medi-cal student “Ludlow” in the hit television series “ER.” Giovannie is an advocate of FWN and The Vagina Monologues by sharing and publishing her story in our anti violence resource guide.

Gloria Ramos teaches 6th grade at a Title One school. Her district mandates the inclusion of a Family Life program along with academics. In conjunction with

Family Life, which specifi cally ad-dress violence prevention. Ms. Ramos herself has triumphed over an abusive relationship. Her former spouse was an alcoholic who was alternately critical, controlling, and conducted an extra-marital affair with their live-in maid and denied his behavior. With the help of fam-ily, counselors and her community, Gloria was able to overcome her situation and help those who have experienced simi-lar circumstances.

Kamala D. Harris is a veteran prosecutor who has dedicated her outstanding legal talents to prosecuting violent crime, combating the sexual exploitation of children and working creatively to improve the quality of life in our communities. District Attorney Harris committed to bringing San Franciscans a “smart on crime” approach – prosecuting crime with resolve while remaining committed to rehabilitation and placing a priority on preserving civil liberties. Understanding that many criminal offenses signifi cantly impact our quality-of-life and San Francisco’s business climate, Harris has launched unprecedented programs of outreach to San Francisco communities and has also expanded Community Courts while bringing free legal clinics to immigrant neighborhoods. Harris has taken a leadership role locally and statewide around program-matic and legislative advances to protect women and children. Her work to defend exploited children recently resulted in successful state legislation that will createincreased punishment for those who sexually exploit the youth.

Velma Roset Veloria, is the fi rst Asian American elected to a state legislature in the continental U.S. She served as State Representative for District 11 (Southeast Seattle) for four terms. Timothy Black-well’s murder of his Filipino mail-order bride Suzana in front of a courthouse while waiting for a divorce was a catalyst in galvanizing her community to stop violence against women. She gathered a group of state legislators and community leaders to search for solutions. Because of her efforts, her State Legislature was the

23

Wfi rst in the nation to pass laws that: • Created the crime of traffi cking, which

includes traffi cking for prostitution or other forced or slave labor, and

• Require international matchmak-ing agencies to provide criminal and marital background information, including child-abuse claims and protection order violations, about the person from Washington state using the agency to meet prospective partners.

Rita Villavicencio Schmid was abused by her brother-in-law from age fi ve until she was 20 years old. This was a secret she carried all her life, a secret that dev-astated her relationships and outlook in life. During a visit to the Philippines, she found out that her niece was also abused by the same man. This was a turning point in her decision to come out and share her story with her family and now with us. This decision has caused a lot of pain in the family especially her sis-ter who is still married to the man who abused her and her niece. Rita is a successful realtor with businesses in New York and California. She is also Vice President of Marketing for The Lodge at Blue Lakes, a beautiful private resort in Lake County.

San Francisco was stunned by the murder of Claire Joyce Tempongko allegedly by her ex-boyfriend, Tari Ramirez, in front of her two young children in October 2000. The Citywide response system in place that October day ultimately failed her and pointed to serious problems in what needs to be a seamless system to those experiencing domestic violence.

In February of 2001, the San Francisco Commission and Department on the Status of Women convened a review team to assist in the investigation and analysis of the City’s response to domestic and family violence. In the Justice and Courage Report: A Blueprint for San Francisco’s Response to Domestic Violence, the review team identifi ed and recommended systemic solutions to the problems of domestic violence in the city by identifying gaps in services and barriers and developing recommendations to remove those bar-riers and gaps. The Justice and Courage Project’s Oversight Panel also recommended forming a Filipina Advisory Council to address domestic violence in the Filipina community. Established in 1975, the San Fran-cisco Commission and Department on the Status of Women work to ensure equal treatment of women and girls in San Francisco and foster their socio-economic, political, and educational advancement through policies, legisla-tion, and programs, especially for those in need. Dr. E m i ly Moto Mu r a s e , i t s Executive Director will receive the award on behalf of the Commission. Dr. Murase previously served as a direc-tor in the fi rst Clinton White House and is a Founding Sister of the Asian Pacifi c American Women’s Leadership Insti-tute. She holds an AB from Bryn Mawr College, a master’s from the Graduate School of International Relations & Pacifi c Studies at UC San Diego, and a PhD in communication from Stanford.

24

ANNE KAGAWAN-LUCASSales Representative,VWR International;Vice President - Internal Affairs, JMDIAA

ASIA BARTONStudent, Archway School

BABE BARTONRecreation Therapist, Center for Elders

WHO’S WHO IN THE CAST

EDNA BISCOCHO MURRAYClerk, Alameda County; Professional Massage Therapist

ELENA MANGAHAS Co-Chair, Little Manila Foundation

EVELIE DELFINO SÁLES POSCH Founder, Babaylan Emerging: Apprenticeship & Mentoring Program

EVELYN LULUQUISEN Human Resources Manager, U.C. Berkeley

GENEVIEVE JOPANDA Operations Manager, Hertz Corporation

KATRINA DELEN BRIONES Student

KRISTEIN DELEN BRIONES Student

LEAH EVAStand-up Comedienne

LOURDES TANCINCO Attorney; Partner, Tancinco Law Offices

AL PEREZPrincipal, Creative i Studio; President, Filipino American Arts Exposition / Pistahan

WHO’S WHO IN THE CREW

JO-ANN AGCAOILI-GAMBOAHR Administrator, Hitachi Consulting

JOHN JUAN, JR.Founder, FilipinoPeople.com

EVE ENSLER’S

T H E VA G I N A M O N O L O G U E S

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F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E 25

BETTINA SANTOS YAPMarketing Consultant, Sun Microsystems

BLESILDA OCAMPOChild Support Officer, SF Dept. of Child Support Services

CATHY N. PLATON Marketing &Comm. Consultant, Propel Software Corp.

CHARMAINE MESINA Attorney; Managing Director, Corporate Legal Services, Applied Materials

CHRIS L. ROBERTSON Electrical Systems Operator, PG&E; President, JMDIAA

CONNIE LLORENStaff Accountant / Stock AdministratorWillis Lease Finance Corp.

EDNA AUSTRIA RODIS Registered Nurse, Kaiser Medical Center

GIOVANNIE PICOActor

GLORIA RAMOSEducator, Sacramento Unified School District

HELEN MARTE BAUTISTACommissioner, San Francisco Public Library Commission

JACQUIE LINGAD-RICCIPresident, San Francisco Juvenile Probation Commission

JESSICA JALLORINAFormer Sales Representative, Rentelco

JOSSIE ALEGREVice President, External Affairs, Heartbridge International Foundation

JOY SAN ANDRESTeacher, Sunnyvale School District

RACHEL PUNOAttorney; Trustee, Jefferson Union High School District

RITA VILLAVICENCIO SCHMIDVP, Sales & Marketing, The Lodge at Blue Lakes

SHELENE ATANACIOActor

SOCORRO “KIT” DE CASTROMusical Director

SONIA DELENPrincipal, Banc of America Leasing

TERRY BAUTISTAPrincipal, TCB Consultants

TISA MENDOZA President, Being Real Media, Inc.

BLESILDA OCAMPOChild Support Officer, SF Dept. of Child Support Services

CONNIE LLORENStaff Accountant / Stock AdministratorWillis Lease Finance Corporation

ELTON LUGAYExecutive Producer, Ginoong Pilipinas-USA Productions

EPEE RAFANANGeneral Manager, Tito Rey’s Supper Club

GENEVIEVE DWYERPresident, Genevieve’s Corporation

GENEVIEVE JOPANDADistrict Operations Manager, Hertz Corporation

JESSICA JALLORINAFormer Sales Representative, Rentelco

MACKY SARMIENTOProducer, Crumbs Media Productions

MARIA VILLENAPersonal Banker, Wells Fargo Bank

RIA OBLEAStudent, Heald College

RITA VILLAVICENCIO SCHMIDVP Sales & Marketing, The Lodge at Blue Lakes

SONIA DELENPrincipal, Banc of America Leasing

EVE ENSLERFounder / Artistic Director, V-DayPlaywright, “The Vagina Monologues

26

V-Angel Sponsor: The California Endowment DiVine Sponsor: Manila Bulletin USA • Institute for Image Management Valentine Sponsor: California Transplant Donor Network

LoVe Sponsors: Philippine News • Filipinas Magazine

Ticket Donors for Women Shelter Residents: The Honorable Alice Lai-Bitker, Alameda County • Supervisor Baylan Megino • Charles Bush • Chris Fitzsimmons • Dave McMullen, Esq. • Ed Ortiz • McGrath RentCorp • Phil Roeske, Digital Market Research • Sonia Delen

Media Friends: Anna Marks, Bay Area BusinessWoman • CarouselPinoy.com • Charlie & Maribeth Ugalde, Echofaze Productions • Dan Payomo, The Examiner • Dave Ceccarelli, The Examiner • Dorka Keehn, CCSF Commission on the Status of Women • Jacqui Conclara, Manila Bulletin USA • Kathleen Archambeau, Bay Area Business Woman • Lori Hope, Bay Area BusinessWoman • Marilyn King, Pinoy Today • Michelle Maloy, Pushtan Productions • Mona Lisa Yuchengco, Filipinas Magazine • Nancy Grundy, The Examiner • Nerissa Fernandez, Filipino Insider • Nion McEvoy, Chronicle Books • Noel Rominque, Philippine & Other Asian Headlines • Odette Keeley, Balitang America • Patricia Garcia, Manila Bulletin USA • Raffy Espiritu, Manila Bulletin USA • Ricardo Sison, Philippine Center • Ruben Bunag, Manila Mail • Susan Coyle, Chronicle Books • Suzy Cain, San Francisco Chronicle • Tet Francisco, Philippine News • Thelma Cruz, Pinoy Today

Donors: Anne Lucas • Asia Barton • Babe Barton • Baylan Megino • Bobbie Vivar • Cathy Platon • Chris Robertson • MaryAnn Pineda • Delza Briones • Hermie Briones • Edna Murray • Eppie Rafanan, Tito Rey Restaurant • Evelie Delfino Sáles Posch • Gallery Lounge • Lumpia House • Lydia Katen • McKeon-Phillips Winery, Santa Maria, CA • Michelle Turner • Pearl Parmelee • Rachel Rodrigues, Rachel’s Catering, Livermore • Ria M. Oblea • Rica Echavez • Shelene Atanacio • Terry Bautista, aka Teriray • Tessie Guillermo, Community Technology Foundation of CA • Vangie Buell • Vicky Calub, Subway at the Hyatt Embarcadero

Fabulous Volunteers and Friends: Agnes Alikpala, MD • Alameda County Domestic Violence Collaborative • Alberic Rivera, Creative i Studio • Arnel Vivar • Audi Constance • Barry Picazo • Bettina Yap • Camie Foust • Carmela Zenarosa • Charles Ugalde • Chelo Pallas • Connie Lloren • Dina Guingona • Dawn Manangan, IMEX • East Bay Asian Pacific Islander Coalition to End Domestic Violence • Ed Jocson, West Bay Pilipino Multi-Service Center • Elena Mangahas • Elton Lugay, Ginoong Pilipinas-USA • Emily Moto Murase, Phd, Department on the Status of Women, City & County of SF • Ernesto Jopanda, Atlantic Bancorp • Evangeline Fabia • Francis Jopanda, Atlantic Bancorp • Geene Gonzales, Asian Women’s Shelter • Genevieve Dwyer • Georgia Umali • Gerry Phillips • Gita Mehrotra, Asian Women’s Shelter • Gloria Ramos • Iris Garcia, Patina Group • Jack Guingona • Jennifer Norris, The Herbst Theatre • Jo-Ann Agcaoili-Gamboa • John Bott, The Herbst Theatre • John Juan Jr., FilipinoPeople.com • Justine McGonagle, Justice and Courage Project, Department on the Status of Women • Kai Briones • Kat Briones • Kevin Pimentel, Esq. • Luz Roxas-Slattery • Macky Sarmiento • Maile Nakamura • Maria Rowena Mendoza Sanchez, Consul General, Philippine Consulate General • Maria Villena • Marie Enriquez, The Carnelian Room • Marlene Quint • Marlo Matillano, West Bay Pilipino Multi-Service Center • Maryann Schmid, The Lodge at Blue Lakes • Mona Lisa Yuchengco, Filipinas Magazine • Nikki Santiago, Pilipino Student Union, Skyline College • Owen Starr, Creative i Studio • Paule Penchavez • Phil Ip, The Carnelian Room • Ricardo Sison, The Philippine Center • Rita Villavicencio Schmid, The Lodge at Blue Lakes • Rosie Abriam • Rudy Asercion, War Memorial Commission • Rusty Pallas • Tessie Zaragoza • Thelma Estrada, Esq. • Theresa Teston • Willis Lease Finance Corporation

ACKNOWLEDGMENTSElson Montalbo has worked with the biggest names in the Philippine entertainment industry. He line-produces Fili-pino concerts in the West Coast for Echofaze Productions, Inc. His career spans over 30 movies as associate/assistant director, screenwriter, supervising producer, production manager, TV director, copywriter, playwright and actor for Viva Films, Regal Films, ABS-CBN, I.N.C. TV Productions and Dulaang Asilaw. Elson has a BA in Mass Communica-tions (Cum Laude) and served as faculty member for New Era University.

Marily Mondejar is an organization consultant and career image coach with expertise in organizational improve-ment, scenario planning, managing change, outplacement issues, and career image development. She brings extensive corporate experience in coaching executives and manage-ment teams on culture and diversity issues, performance and derailment concerns, including entrepreneurship, corporate image, implications of mergers, and developing effective work teams. A pioneer in the field of courtroom communication, she has worked on malpractice cases with defense law firms, consulting on advocacy skills, witness preparation, and image strategy. Mondejar has held senior management positions for a global management firm, an international publishing company, a direct sales organization, and a consumer product manufacturing corporation with opera-tions in Southeast Asia. Mondejar is noted for developing the Culture Image 360-degree® assessment questionnaire, a method for measuring executive image, attractiveness bias, performance derailment issues, and corporate repu-tation. She has graduate degrees in Organization Psychol-ogy, Humanities and Leadership. Marily is Executive Di-rector of the Institute for Image Management. She is the founding president of the Filipina Women’s Network.

Emmy-nominated Television Producer Ken Marquis is an influential leader and creative driving force. Ken is known for his innovative television, radio, theater, events, concerts, pageants, and even outdoor music and dance festivals. Born in Santa Monica, California, Ken was a child actor with credits including “The Waltons” and “The Addams Family Halloween Reunion.” After graduating from San Francisco State University with a Broadcasting degree, Ken worked at NBC in Burbank even spending time with “The Tonight Show” starring Johnny Carson. After NBC, The Bay Area beckoned Ken back to produce segments for MSNBC’s “The Site” hosted by Soledad O’Brien. Then for nearly 6 years, Ken was Series Producer for “The Screen Savers” on the national cable network G4TechTV (formerly TechTV and ZDTV). After more than 1,300 consistently top-rated episodes of television, Ken is currently freelance producing. His involvement with the Filipino community has included Line Producing “Ginoong Pilipinas 2004” at the Palace of Fine Arts, and Producing the Main Stage at the “Pistahan Festival 2004” at the Yerba Buena Gardens. Ken would like to express his “gratitude to all the amazing women I’ve had the good fortune of working with on this very important and inspiring project.”

F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K | w w w . f f w n . o r g

ELSON MONTALBODirector

MARILY MONDEJARExecutive Producer

KEN MARQUISProducer

EXECUTIVE STAFF

F I L I P I N A W O M E N A G A I N S T V I O L E N C E 27

Vicky Servillon Calub subwayqueen1@comcast.net

Hyatt Regency Subway Sandwiches & Salads5 Embarcadero Center • Corner of Market & Steuart StreetsSan Francisco, CA 94111 • Ph 415-986-4622 Fax 415-986-4623

ictims of crime often find themselves suffering from financial problems in addition to the physical, emotional, and psychological aftereffects of victimization. In California, crime victims can access the California Victim Compensation Fund (“the Fund”) in order to be able to pay for certain expenses incurred as a result of the crime. To be eligible for the Fund, the victim must have been a resident of California when the crime occurred, or the crime must have occurred in California. Additionally, the victim needs to cooperate reasonably with the staff of Victim Services, and any reasonable requests from law enforcement to arrest and prosecute the offender. The victim must not have been involved in committing the crime, and cannot be on felony probation or parole. Certain dependents and family members of the crime victim can also be eligible to apply for the Fund. Typically, the application should be filed within one year of the date of the crime. If the victim is a minor, the application should be filed within one year of the victim’s 18th birthday. If the crime is one that is not immediately discovered on the date of commission of the crime, the application should be filed within one year of the date of the crime being discovered. If more than one of these preceding three criteria apply, the victim can use the deadline that is most favorable to them. Claims filed after the one-year deadline can be granted under certain circumstances. The range of crimes covered by the Fund is extensive. Essentially, all crimes that result in physical injury or involve a threat of physical injury to the victim, is covered. Only certain financial losses can be reimbursed by the fund. These losses are: any medical or medical-related expenses, dental expenses, repair of any medically necessary devices such as eyeglasses or hearing aids, outpatient mental health treatment and counseling, wage loss or income loss up to five years following the date of the crime, home security improvements and relocation expenses. If a victim is permanently disabled as a result of the crime, the Fund can pay for extended wage or income loss (including income loss for parents whose children are

disabled), support loss for legal dependents, job retraining and medically necessary retrofitting of a home and vehicle. If a victim is killed by the crime, the Fund can pay for funeral and burial expenses, crime scene cleanup, income loss for parents whose children are killed, and loss of support for legal dependents of the victim. The Fund does not reimburse personal property loss (including monetary or property losses in a robbery), “pain and suffering” expenses and expenses related to the prosecution of the offender. Generally, a victim can receive reimbursement for amounts that do not exceed $70,000. If the crime occurred before January 1, 2001, the limit for reimbursement is $46,000. The Fund is a payer of last resort. If a victim is able to recover losses through some other means, that victim must access those means before accessing the Fund. These means include, but are not limited to: public benefit programs, auto insurance, workers’ compensation benefits, court ordered restitution, civil lawsuit recoveries, and medical, dental, or vision insurance. If a victim receives some other form of recovery after the Fund has reimbursed the victim, the Fund has the right to be reimbursed by the victim. California law mandates that any victim that needs legal assistance from an attorney to file a claim be allowed to do so at no cost. Attorneys can receive a limited amount of money from the Fund for assisting with filing claims. These attorneys’ fees will not be taken out of the victim’s award. Most victims will not need an attorney. Free assistance and much more detailed information are available in San Francisco at the Victim Services Unit of the District Attorney’s Office. This office is located in the Hall of Justice at 850 Bryant Street. The office is located at Room 320, and is accessible by phone at (415) 553-9044. For those in other counties, locations and phone numbers of other victim service offices can be found on the internet at www.boc.ca.gov/vwlist.htm.

Kevin Pimentel is a victim advocate at the Victim Services Unit of the San Francisco District Attorney’s Office. He can be reached at (415) 553-9044.

Accessing the California Victim Compensation FundBy Ke v in P im e nte l , E s q .

V

F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K | w w w . f f w n . o r g

omestic violence within the Filipino community is a very serious, often lethal issue. The murders of Claire Joyce Tempongko four years ago, and Marisa Corpuz in October of last year – both killed by their intimate partners had made this fact all too clear. These are but two of the many, often unreported cases of domestic violence within the Filipino community in San Francisco alone. Domestic violence exists in every community, across all distinctions of age, class, gender, sexual orientation, immigration history, religious affi liation, ability, and education level. It affects all of us – our children, our families. It is not any more or less prevalent in the Filipino community than in other communities, but its effects are as equally devastating. We must address the issue by helping the victims, supporting survivors, holding batterers accountable, and educating the Filipino community at large that domestic violence is not part of our culture.

You can help.

Be aware of the signs of a violent relationship.» Does her partner show an unusual

amount of control over her life?» Does her partner embarrass or ridicule

her in public?» Does her partner blame her for the way he

or she acts or the things he or she says?» Have you noticed her becoming more

isolated or losing touch with you or other friends or family since getting involved in her relationship?

» Have you noticed changes in her or her children’s behavior?

» Does she miss work frequently?» Have you seen evidence of any physical

injuries?

If you suspect your friend is in an abusive relationship . . .

Bring up the subject. Don’t be afraid to let her know you are concerned for her wellbeing. It is okay to say that you notice that something is wrong and that you want to support her. Let her know she is not alone. Even if she is not ready to

hear this, it can be helpful to know that you are available to support her.

Acknowledge that she is in a very diffi cult, scary and confusing situation. Let her know that it is not her fault that she is being abused. That no one deserves to be abused. Encourage her to express her feelings. Remember that it may be diffi cult for her to talk about it with you, and that she will need to do so in her own time and at her own pace.

Do not deny, minimize, or excuse the abuse. Remember that many women in abusive relationships deny, minimize, or excuse the abuse because of fear of the abuser, shame, guilt, love, and many different feelings. Even if she is not able to acknowledge that she is in a dangerous situation, let her know that you believe that she is, and that you are concerned for her safety.

Respect her right to make her own decisions. Let her fi nd her own way to her decisions. Do not start with what you think she should do, or insist that she follow your plan. Your role is to support her. Let her decide how you can help her. Remember that it is diffi cult to leave an abusive relationship, and that it is common for women to attempt to leave an abuser several times before leaving permanently. There are many barriers to her leaving – fear of more violence even death, fear of loneliness, love and concern for the abuser, fear of losing custody over the children, lack of fi nancial resources, concern for her immigration status, etc. To support a victim requires patience, understanding and unconditional regard. It is important to respect all the choices a victim makes and to trust that she knows best what to do for herself and her children.

Keep her confi dentiality. Although you may need to talk to other people to get support or information, do not let her story become gossip. The Filipino community or circles that we occupy can be small, and maintaining a victim’s confi dentiality is vital to her physical and emotional safety.

Remind her of her strengths. Victims of domestic violence often blame themselves for the abuse. They often feel ashamed and powerless because of such abuse. It takes incredible strength and courage to survive domestic violence. Remind her of her strengths and help her restore faith in herself.

Off er her helpful information. One barrier to a woman leaving an abusive relationship is the lack of knowledge of resources and services that are available to her. As a support person, it is important that you educate yourself on the issue of domestic violence and the resources and services that are available. Assist her in accessing other sources of information – books, websites, domestic violence hotlines, etc.

Help her create a safety plan. If she is thinking of leaving an abusive relationship, assist her in developing a safety plan. Help her fi nd a safe place to go, whether with friends or family or a shelter. Help her identify other support people she would feel comfortable talking with. If she is thinking of leaving, help her gather an “emergency package” that she can keep in a safe place at home or with you or another friend or family member. Assist in safety planning for children. Do the children know how to dial 911? Can their childcare worker or teacher or medical doctor be alerted of the domestic violence situation so they can help keep the children safe?

Get support for yourself and know your limits. Supporting someone in an abusive relationship can be overwhelming. It often reminds us of our own past or ongoing problems. As you help her, it is necessary that you take care of yourself too. Find support for yourself in a way that will not compromise her confi dentiality.

Geene Gonzales is a staff member of the Asian Women’s Shelter in San Francisco. Major portions of this article were adapted from the booklet “Peaceful Homes, Healthy Relationships,” created by the Korean American Coalition to End Domestic Abuse (Kaceda) of the San Francisco Bay Area.

28

EVELIE DELFINO SÁLES POSCH Founder, BEAM Program

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D

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F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K | w w w . f f w n . o r g30

In Memory of

Gloria Obazo Abriam

and

Rose Bobila Florendo

I n M e m o ry o fL u c i l a E c h av e z M o n d e j a r

a n d M a n u e l P. M o n d e j a r S r .

WILL YOU CARE WHEN I’M DEAD

This afternoon I sat and watched a story on Beverly Watson. If you remember she was one of our more high profi le domestic violence victims in Atlanta. Her husband was recently convicted of murder. One of our more successful victories, if you can call it that. I wonder does anyone remember Phyllis Wooten? Her abusive husband murdered her a little over a year ago. I too am a victim of domestic violence. Fortunately, I did not meet the same fate as these two woman and thousands more. Unfortunately, I have experienced the same justice system that Phyllis Wooten did, in which one receives no justice at all. We as a society think of terrorism as a political attack on our country. The defi nition of terrorism is to cause extreme fear, the use of intimidation to attain one’s goals or to advance one’s cause. This happens every day in our country, it is called domestic violence. What I experienced is no different. What I don’t understand is why we as a society tend to accept domestic “terrorism” but condemn national terrorism. Someone twice my size lay on top of me, looked into my eyes and told me he would kill me. I thought I was going to die. While most victims of domestic violence do nothing as Beverly Watson, some of us do try to get the courts to protect us, but with little results. For example, Phyllis Wooten’s husband disabled her car, held her and her children prisoner, and terrorized them. She made a police report, but the Cobb County Judge decided that there was no evidence of violence, despite the fact that when he was arrested he had weapons in his possession. I too, tried to make a stand against my attacker. While my case did make it to a jury, it was handed to an inexperienced prosecutor who did little if any investigation. My attacker had a history of domestic violence. Unfortunately, this is a fact which was never brought up in the courtroom. The prosecutor was overworked, and knew little about the case and was unable to present the facts correctly. My attacker hired an attorney who was able to very creatively misrepresent the facts. A man who beat me and threatened to kill me was acquitted. This was not the fi rst time that he had committed these crimes, and I am sure it will not be the last. To this day I live in fear that this man has not fi nished his promise. I have mentioned systems that are supposed to help victims of domestic violence. These are the systems we as victims are told to go to. Why are they failing us? Our country is hell bent on punishing Al Quaida, attacking Saddam Hussein and searching for Bin Ladin. These are people who are terrorizing citizens of our country. I am a citizen, and I want to know why there is such a lax attitude to protect victims of domestic violence. We need to address this problem before the victims are dead by the hands of their abuser. Beverly Watson did not receive justice; only her memory did.

POSTED TO THE “SUCCESS STORIES” SECTION OF THE V-DAY WEB SITE.

VD I A R I E S

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F I L I P I N A W O M E N ’ S N E T W O R K

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