trends, challenges, issues & treatment diane m. langberg, phd diane langberg & associates...
TRANSCRIPT
Trends, Challenges, Issues & Treatment
Diane M. Langberg, PhD Diane Langberg & AssociatesPhilip G. Monroe, PsyD Biblical Seminary
The profile of pastoral abuse Impact of abuse Intervention strategiesPrevention strategiesTroubleshooting common pitfalls
counselors faceQ & A
Components of pastoral abuse Climate factors
▪ Focus on expertise and charisma in leaders Personal history and character factors Deception Power (note various forms of power in
the person of the pastor) and vulnerability
Who is to blame for pastoral sexual abuse? Only “bad apples” abuse? What about the system?
Challenges in Ministry Stress Statistics: What is the biggest stressor?
System “germs” Believing that capable leaders apply their own
words▪ Pastors know their spiritual needs best and will ask for
help when in need
Making secondary work primary
Courting narcissism?The seminary’s tendency to neglect
the interior of the Christian lifeLack of pastoral oversight &
discipleship
Consider the ripples beyond the immediate families involved The church family Victims of prior abuse If minor involved then all parents
impacted The larger community if media gives
attention to the situation The church staff
The work of guiding and shepherding the various constituents cannot be done without doing your own work Study the Word together Pray together Avoid rushing to get “there”
Remember: the process itself IS the work of God
From 30,000 feet: Clinician opportunities Decision tree map introduction Goals (the good and the ugly) Prioritizing safety Clarifying roles, communication, ethical
and moral obligations
Abuse Event Gather Data
Set Guidin
g Goals
Employment
Decisions
Suspend
Terminate
CongregationalCommunications
Intervention Planning
Determine key constituents to
help
Choose & train SCTs
Develop SCT goals
& objectives
SCT time with key
others
SCT time together
Use of outside consultants for
groups or members
Crises reveal character –O. Chambers Systems have character…
Listen for what is of utmost importance among the leadership (appearances, business success, fear of conflict, cynicism, etc.)
Watch for the following reactions Reactivity Herding Blame Quick-fix Undifferentiated leadership
If your primary allegiance is to your church, to the institution’s preservation, then you will sin to preserve it. If your allegiance is to Christ, you will relinquish the church, the institution, rather than sin.
Consider Spurgeon: If a thing be wrong, though you gain by it, you must spurn it. If a thing be right, though you lose by it, you must do it for the Master’s sake.
The conflict and indifference between religion and psychology is a curious state of affairs. Although both clergy and practicing psychologists are involved in counseling relationships and interested in emotional and behavioral outcomes among those with whom they work, they generally appear to do so in isolation without much guidance from each other.
Thomas Plante
Professional Psychology: Research & Practice, 1999
Stepping on toes? Whose turf? Lack of vision for collaboration
Counselors take difficult parishioners Clergy are a good source of referrals Is that it?
Anecdotes (and story-telling) form reality Counselor missteps?
Bad theology/exegetical errors & “integration” errors
Protecting the victim without a proper foundation
Indiscrete criticism of the church
How are we doing in our communication, respect, shared values? Consider this survey: ¼ of pastors described a positive experience
with good communication. But most didn’t. Seems to rarely happen and too frequently negative
Clergy perceive we don’t respect them▪ 13% describe us as arrogant and uncooperative. “no
respect for what I had to bring to the table.”▪ Clergy do see us as having skills they do not possess but
psychologists do not return this view We often fail to find common goals/values We fail to speak a similar vocabularyMcMinn, Aikins & Lish (2003). Basic and advanced competence in collaborating with clergy. PP:
R&P, 34, 197-2002
Communicate! Defuse conflict, fear, confusion with
transparency & openness Learn their language and their values; validate! Address ethical and funding matters up front
Build trust with leadership Do what you say you will do. Don’t overpromise Remember it takes time to undo prior suspicion Give evidence that you can learn from and be
influenced by leadership Show the fruit of humility and fraternity
Offer both indirect and direct aid
Address safety matters Prioritize the victim’s connection to
worship Determine leadership oversight (don’t
forget gender issues) Form small group of “listeners” who
can also be the victim’s voice Speak to attempts to lay blame If possible, provide separate victim and
church counselors
Your job: help them wake from a coma
The use of SCTs along with traditional counseling and discipleship
Ideally, we should: Study the vast array of issues, teach
the whole congregation from front and back, develop prevention plans, and address problems as they occur
But, realistically… Build committed Spiritual Care Teams,
learn together the key issues, develop a plan of action for healing, Communicate and educate, Plan for future prevention
Teams for congregation, offender, victims Consider the character of potential members
▪ Spiritually mature, prayerful, self-aware, able to listen, willing to learn, gentle but willing to confront, confidential, safe, not controlling, collaborative, patient
Require 2 year minimum commitment of time▪ Determine how the group will make decisions, learn
together, and function together Determine how to collaborate with other
teams, leadership, and outside agencies
Team 1 Strong leaders, strong personalities, no-
nonsense attitudes. Sees job as exposing the sins and weaknesses of the victim
Too busy, long periods of time without contact Team 2
Meets weekly to pray and fellowship Educator background Identifies progress and needs but not pressing
To provide support and assistance to a person with acute spiritual needs and return person to fellowship with God, family and fellow believers
To provide the opportunity for shattered people to receive comfort, opportunity to dig deeply and repent deeply, and grow spiritually (there may be other roots, but team will explore spiritual roots)
To bring hope to those who are broken, disillusioned, and in need of restoration
To penetrate denial and clarify reality Intercession and combined wisdom in leading Provide guidance, accountability, and direction to for
others seeking to help shattered individuals and families
Encourage the whole community that the church is part of the healing process and so avoid the tendency to either throw out the sinner or the victim or ignore the sinner and victim. From Wilson et al, Restoring the
Fallen
Provide professional counselingDetermine veracity of factsMake church judicial decisions
Spiritual work means warfare Worship and study together
Group learning (biblical and experiential) Abuse, abuse of power, deception/denial, their
impact on others, protection, true and false repentance, restoration, restitution, forgiveness, healing, etc.
Restoration processes (time, process, fruit?)▪ Who or what will drive the group’s work?
Group training Creating a plan of action
Explore how the group functions together with and without their ministry target When it comes to data collection, exploration,
confrontation, assessment, decision-making When it comes to worship, fun, personal issues When it comes to collaborating with outsiders
(some of whom may not share the group’s view)
Common areas of weakness? Validation; good questions, listening for what is missing
Protection from self and others; boundaries set
Truth-telling about the abuse Submission to process and acceptance of
spiritual mentors Discovery of roots of abuse and other sin
(naming things from God’s view; hearing from others)
Deeper Truth-telling about life patterns and God’s sanctifying work
Restitution (acknowledges injustice and seeks to correct it)
Repentance (from actions and attitudes) Reconnection to the larger body of Christ
Summarize and synthesize the data collected by the SCT
Focus questions and areas of growth Identify dynamic or personal barriers
to the work of the SCTKeep track of growth, hope, and
future directionsReview communication to the larger
leadership and congregation
Indirect service: Develop SCTs for pastor families
Direct service Provide confidential sessions (therapy or
spiritual direction) for leaders and family members
When progress stalls Waiting for someone to be repentant? When a group doesn’t work or is worn out
Premature restoration Mechanical vs. spiritual restoration (Tavis
Smiley) Fairness vs. blessing the victim
Power conflicts and system issues Dual relationships: Who is your client? Abuse reporting and theological grounding
Give opportunities to express hurts/pains
Educate regarding key topics about sin, righteousness, leadership, abuse, etc.
Provide information regarding common responses to leader abuse
Cast a vision from Philippians 3:12f
Prepare yourselfEducationDevelop a map for success using
SCTsPrep for common problemsTrain and supervise SCTs
Evaluate your readiness to love the congregation with patience, truth-telling, and humility
Remember the overarching goals and facets of a biblical response to abuse
Identify deficiencies (spiritual, professional, etc.)
Memorize your consultant mantra: listen well; be willing to learn; validate the dreams and concerns of leadership; provide reasoning for the clear direction you
offer; leave final decisions to the leadership
Where is the finish line? How do you know when restoration is
complete? When repentance is enough? Why does the victim get the final say?
Who drives the decisions of protection? What if victims are in charge?
Can a Christian leader ever return to ministry? Ezek. 44?
What are the pit-falls of this kind of work?
Know the differences between:RestrictionRepentanceRestitutionReconciliationRestoration
Armstrong, J.H. (1995). Can fallen pastors be restored? Chicago, IL: Moody Press.
Friedman, E.H. (1985). From generation to generation: Family Process in church and Synagogue. NY: Guilford Press.
Freidman, E.H. (2007). A failure of nerve: Leadership in the age of the quick fix. Seabury Books.
Grenz, S. & Bell, R. (1995). Betrayal of trust: Sexual misconduct in the pastorate. Downers Grove: IVP.
Hoge, D.R., & Wenger, J.E. (2005). Pastors in transition: Why clergy leave local church ministry. Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.
Hopkins, N. M. (1998). The congregational response to clergy betrayals of trust. Collegeville, MN: The Liturgical Press.
Hopkins, N. M. & Laaser, M. (1995). Restoring the soul of a church: Healing congregations wounded by clergy sexual misconduct. Collegeville, MN: The Liturgical Press.
Langberg, D. (2003). Counseling survivors of sexual abuse. Xulon Press.
Langberg, D. (1999). On the threshold of hope: Opening the door to healing for survivors of sexual abuse. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House.
Pedigo, T.L. (2004). Restoration manual: A workbook for restoring fallen ministers and religious leaders. Colorado Springs: Winning Edge Ministries.
Wilson, E. & S., Friesen, P & V, Paulson, L & N. (1997). Restoring the fallen: A team approach to caring, confronting, & reconciling. Downers Grove, IL: IVP.
Yantzi, M. (1998). Sexual offending and restoration. Scottsdale, PA: Herald Press.
http://www.netgrace.org. G.R.A.C.E (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment).
http://www.peaceandsafety.com. PASCH (Peace and Safety in the Christian Home)
Langberg, D. (1996). Clergy sexual abuse. In Kroeger & Beck (eds) Women, abuse, and the Bible. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books.
Maxwell, J. (2006). Devastated by an affair: How churches heal after the pastor commits adultery. Christianity Today. http://www.ctlibrary.com/39606.
Monroe, P. (2006). Abusers & true repentance. Christian Counseling Today, 13:3, 48-49. Found at: http://www.ecounseling.com/articles/690
Reed, E. (Winter, 2006). Restoring fallen pastors. Leadership Magazine. Found at: http://www.ctlibrary.com/le/2006/winter/22.21.html
Book title McMinn, M.R., & Dominguez, A.W. (2005).
Psychology and the Church. Hauppauge, NY: Nova Science Publishers. [collection of articles]
Key Article titles What evangelicals want to know about psychology
(JPT, 29(2), 2001, pp 99-105) Training Psychologists to work with religious
organizations (Professional Psychology: Research & Practice, 32(3), 2001, pp 324-328)
Psychology and the church: an exemplar…of collaboration (PP:R&P 31(5), 2000, pp 515-520)
A collaborative relationship between professional psychology and the Roman Catholic Church (PP:R&P 30(6), 1999, pp 541-546.
Information you may find helpful in communicating to church leaders Sample information about abuse Sample goals Biblical vision for the church Sample education for the church 10 Overarching principles
▪ From Langberg & Monroe, 2007 World Conference
Types It takes many forms—both subtle and obvious 2 categories: family abuse; leader abuse Victims and offenders rarely fit neat categories
The effect The ripple effect: an enlarging pool of victims Division always ensues due to conflicting
pressures, emphases, and goals The need
A vision in the church for the protection and healing of the abused
Deceptive responses Denial: It didn’t happen, she’s crazy! Minimization: It only happened once. We all sin Misnaming: It was an affair (leader abuse)
Impulsive responses Premature reconciliation (Jesus comes to redeem) Demanding cut-offs (throw the evil-doer out) Harshness (discipline; speaking truth in love)
Abandonment Moving victims on to new churches Secrecy (it will harm too many to know it…)
PHP 3:12 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
ISA 61:1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Providing safety for bruised reeds Bearing witness Dealing with fear, anger, hopelessness Encouraging restoration and healing
(without demanding it) Providing mercy ministry Introducing the Resurrection as THE
healing power Uncovering lies and pointing to the
truth
Probable Topics Abuse (deception plus power), impact of abuse,
patterns of healing (victim, offender, congregation), repentance, forgiveness, restoration, reconciliation, truth telling, leader responsibilities, legal/ethical matters
Common restorative practices Necessity of team approach Systemic assessments
Audience Key leaders Broader congregation
QUESTION: Are you speaking a language they understand?
Abuse in the church impacts many Leaders need a large umbrella if they are going
to serve those involved When many are impacted, division is
common Leaders remember they must be advocates for
truth, justice, and grace Protection of the “least of these” takes
precedence Leaders understand abuse of power and provide
tangible protection for the body of Christ
Never underestimate the power of self-deception Caretakers recognize and work for true
repentance“As if you too…”
Caretakers work to understand the world and experiences of abuser and abused “as if” they themselves were in their shoes
Premature restoration is tempting Leaders resist the temptation to rush back to
life “the way it used to be” but work to cultivate maturity, healing, and holy obedience to God
Wisdom comes from God—not committees Leaders immerse themselves in the study of
God’s Word and prayer to discern His perspective on all issues pertaining to abuse and restoration
Crises reveal character Leaders use crises to explore and correct
individual and systemic defects
The Church is not ours Leaders remember not to harm the
church: to purify themselves first before working to purify the bride of Christ
The redemptive work of Christ in ALL is our goal Leaders promote an atmosphere of
grace, mercy and justice for all
