trapped in reflection (overthinking)(psychology today)

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Trapped in Reflection

By: Hara Estroff MaranoSummary: Women can get caught in a downward spiral of negative emotions.

When it comes to differences between men and women, some are, as the French havealways known, highly worthy of celebration. Others, however, are more often a source ofconfusion and downright misunderstanding between the sexes.

Among the latter, one of the most distinctive is invisible to the eye. Men and women differdramatically in their approach to negative emotions such as sadness. Specifically, men avoid

them, and women don't.

And therein lies a problem, says psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D. Unfortunately,

women can get stuck in negative emotions, caught in a downward spiral of hopelessnessand immobility. And that, she finds, is a major reason women are twice as likely to develop

depression as men are.

Over the past decade, Nolen-Hoeksema, professor of psychology at the University ofMichigan, has found that women are far more inclined to ruminate about the stressors and

disappointments they encounter--and get stuck there. They focus on symptoms of distress

and the possible causes and consequences of them, repetitively and passively.

They go over and over their negative thoughts and feelings, examining them, questioning

them, kneading them like dough. And like dough, their problems swell in size.

At the very least, such rumination makes life harder. And it damages relationships along the

way.

"When there is any pause in our daily activities, many of us are flooded with worries,

thoughts and emotions that swirl out of control, sucking our emotions and energy down,down, down. We are suffering from an epidemic of overthinking--caught in torrents of

negative thoughts and emotions that overwhelm us and interfere with our functioning andwell-being."

We are, in short, experiencing an epidemic of morbid meditation, the Michigan psychologistcontends in a new book Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking

and Reclaim Your Life (Henry Holt).

What is it that women ruminate about? The short answer is, almost everything: their

appearance, their families, their career, their health. But most of all they ruminate abouttheir relationships and about their body.

They might begin thinking about a recent conflict with a friend: How could she have saidthat to me? What does she really mean by that? How should I react?

But such questions just lead to more questions, what Nolen-Hoeksema calls "the yeast

effect." Negative thoughts might start out about a specific event or situation but theyexpand and grow, spreading to more situations and leading to big questions about one's life.

And--here's the kicker--they get more negative with time.
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Of course, some rumination is natural, even necessary. But people who ruminate a lotamplify negative events. They dredge up more negative memories from the past, are more

pessimistic about the present and more fatalistic about the future. That tilts them moretowards despair, and renders them less likely to take positive action to either dispel the

negativity or resolve underlying problems.

Their ruminations often center on relationships, because relationships are very important towomen. Yet the social support that ruminators seek from their intimates often eludes them.

For one thing, they wind up torturing those closest to them with their oversize need for

reassurance. Plus, the very hopelessness of ruminators makes them unpleasant to bearound. So while they seek out others more, they actually get less of what they want from

them.

Let's make it clear: overthinkers are not your standard worriers. Bread-and-butter worriers

are concerned about what may happen to them in the future. Overthinkers go over and overwhat happened in the past. And they become dead certain something bad has already

occurred.

Being in touch with one's negative emotions is not in itself a bad thing. Some of it isnecessary. And a good deal of evidence shows that those who suppress unpleasant feelings

are at risk for a host of physical ills.

But "negative emotions don't necessarily give us a direct line to our truest, deepestconcerns," says Nolen-Hoeksema. They impose a lens "that shows a distorted, narrow view

of our world." And instead of seeing the unvarnished reality of our past and our present,"we see only what our negative mood wants us to see."

Nor is the solution to just stop thinking. Many of the problems being ruminated about arereal problems and they have to be dealt with. But the research Nolen-Hoeksema has done

shows that rumination makes people terrible problem solvers.

It makes problems seem larger than they are and leads people to make catastrophic

decisions, as when someone confronts a boss and quits a job, rather that ironing out thereal and manageable issues. And even if ruminators can come up with a solution to their

problems, because rumination makes their problems seem so large it saps their motivation

to take even the littlest steps towards solutions.

In one study, Nolen-Hoeksema and her colleagues presented to depressed andnondepressed subjects a series of problems commonly faced by depressed people. For

example, one of the problems was, "Your friends don't seem to want to be with youanymore." Then they asked the subjects how they would go about solving the problems.

The depressed ones who had been overthinking generated terrible solutions.

When asked what they would do if a friend avoided them, they said things like "I guess I'd

just avoid them too." But depressed people who had been distracted from overthinkinggenerated solutions that were likely to improve their lives. They said things such as "I'd ask

the person I was closest to in that group what I was doing that made people avoid me."

If overthinking is so bad for us, why then do we do it? "The organization of our brain sets us

up for overthinking," Nolen-Hoeksema contends. The thoughts and memories stored in our


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brains don't sit there in isolation; they are woven together in intricate networks ofassociations.

"When you are in a bad mood of some type--depressed, anxious, just altogether upset--

your bad mood tends to trigger a cascade of thoughts associated with your mood. Thesethoughts may have nothing to do with the incident that put you into a bad mood in the first

place, as when a poor job performance causes you to think about your aunt who died lastyear."

While this spiderweb organization of the brain greatly increases our efficiency of thinking, it

also makes it easy for us to overthink. Being in a bad mood makes negative memories moreaccessible. It's not only easier to think of negative things when you are in a bad mood than

when you are in a good mood, it's also easier to see interconnections between the badthings in your life. And the more you overthink, the easier it is to do it in the future.

The brain isn't the only factor in overthinking. Nolen-Hoeksema believes that women mayhave more to overthink about because they experience more chronic strains, and they tend

to define themselves more by their relationships to others.

The strong grip that overthinking has makes it all the more necessary for women to practicemental hygiene. It's never too late to overcome overthinking.

Publication: Blues BusterPublication Date: April 1, 2003Last Reviewed: 30 Aug 2004(Document ID: 2680)

trapped in reflection (overthinking)(psychology today)

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