thursday march 12

8/14/2019 Thursday March 12

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Review to information to dateEvans ArticleActivity-Parent conference

Timed TestListening/QuestioningIndependent Work


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Why is listening difficult?How can we identify poor listening?How can we become effective listeners?


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Talkers are rewarded: noise gets attention.We learn this from infancy.We are more important: we tend to thinkand boost our self esteem, thus we dontlisten.We are more knowledgeable: a littleknowledge is a dangerous thing. A lot of knowledge is more dangerous when it

comes to listening.


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We think faster than the other personspeaks: this can be used to be distractedor ignore what the other person is saying.We develop our mindsets: in order tocope, we create areas of certainty-beliefs,assumptions and attitudes that we holdtrue.

The talker communicates poorly:sometimes the person speaking speakstoo fast, does not know the listener, or hastoo much information.


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Seek first to understand, then to beunderstood.Communication is the most important skill

in life. Think of how many years you havespent learning to read and write and speak.But how long or what training have you hadin listening? (Covey, p.234)


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At the heart of poor listening is bodylanguage-the nonverbal signals transmitted,the gestures we make or the postures wetake.


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Aggressive listening: arms folded, stiff posture, glaring at the speaker, fidgeting.Passive listening: little eye contact, hand

over mouth, slumped in chair.Listening interruptus: we dont want tolisten, we want to speak. Playing with apencil, tapping fingers, physically moving

forward and interrupting.


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Logical listening: listening with our minds, not ourhearts. We are deaf to messages conveyed we hearonly the facts: I am getting a divorce then get alawyer. Lack of warm supportive body language andeye contact.

Arrogant listening: hands clasped behind the head,leaning back, legs stretched or elevated, eyes fixed onthe ceiling, eyebrows raisedNervous listening: awkward situations, job interview,with the boss. We want to listen but can only hear our

heartbeat. We dont realize we are doing this but weoften play with our hair, tap the foot, touch ears ornose. This may lead us to ask for information again aswe did not hear it properly the first time.


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Be committed: recognize the power of effective active listening.Be objective: we need to think, pause andbreath. It is our feelings, prejudices, nerves

and opinions that get in the way of effectivelistening.Suspend judgment: if we judge we dontlisten, we automatically may disagree without

all the facts or we may agree too soon.Check for understanding: summarize keypoints, clarify and confirm yourunderstanding.


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Use positive body language: words wespeak have 7% impact on face to facecommunication. Tone and intensity has 38%impact and body language has 55% impact.Facial expressions, body language andgestures. (telephone operators are coachedto smile so they are warmer to the otherend of the line customer)


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Facial expression: frequent eye contact, nota glare or a stare. Usually should reflect thefeelings being conveyed.Gestures: these are for the speaker not thelistener. May be distracting and non-verbalinterruption.Use words: words and tone convey

understanding and interest.


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Posture: while there is no single properposture; assertive posture is best, notaggressive not submissive.Appreciate silence: we tend to dislikesilence and rush to fill it. Silence can be avery powerful way to uncover the truth. ---

Mozart Silence is the most profound

sound in music.


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We are more likely to learn somethingfrom people who disagree with us than weare from people who agree with us.

However, we tend to hang around withand over listen to people who agree withus, and we prefer to avoid and underlisten to those who dont.

Effective leaders listen attentively,ineffective leaders make up their mindsprematurely.


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The heroic image of leadership is onesource of the problem with listening. Whenleaders believe they possess all theimportant information and knowledge, theydo not see listen to others as essential.Listening is passive, reactive anduninspired. To listen appears to beuninformed and weak.(Jossey Bass, p. 121.)


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Recognizing that people are different andgiving others the benefit of the doubt arebehaviors that facilitate listening.Good listening involves and effort to look atthe world from another persons point of view.Good listening requires instant analysis of what has been said as well as gathering a

sense of what remains unsaid.


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Listening requires you to understand thefacts but a leader need to understand thefeelings, the meanings and the perceptionsthat are tied to those facts.Main rule of thumb: If you dont listen toothers, they wont listen to you.


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Open questions promote discovery: what,why, and how.Closed questions establish facts and provideyes or no answers: where, when, and who.


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Confirm factsAcknowledge emotionPush for a decision, such as will you

marry me?Avoid a conversation. How often onMonday do you say, how was yourweekend? this can lead to a longdialogue. Instead we say did you have agood weekend (closed question) and wecan run with yes or no.


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Four reasons for the over-use and inappropriateuse of closed questions: Education: our schooling has been more about

finding answers than asking questions. Psychology: closed questions provide

immediate answers. Subconsciously we maydesire this.

ignorance: few people are taught how to ask

open questions. We carry on as we know. Time: closed questions save time and we are

very busy.


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Think first: when you know the time and place inadvance, think about the conversation.

Think with open questions in mind. Avoid leading questions: they do not promote

discovery. Dont you agree Jim has poor timing? Use the right wording: the way a question is

worded can have a large impact on the answer.in what ways is the job bigger, is better thanhow much bigger is the job.


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Keep questions simple: stay to the point.Keep questions single: one question at atime.

Practice!!

thursday march 12

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