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Sandy Ewing, Author, Life & Love CoachSandy Ewing, Author, Life & Love CoachSandy Ewing, Author, Life & Love CoachSandy Ewing, Author, Life & Love Coach Melbourne, Australia. Melbourne, Australia. Melbourne, Australia. Melbourne, Australia.

2 Copyright © 2012-2015 All rights reserved. Life Coaching Melbourne Pty Ltd. ABN 14099000405 Ph: 1300 13 77 06 (Australia)

The Fabulous FlirtThe Fabulous FlirtThe Fabulous FlirtThe Fabulous Flirt’’’’ssss Handbook Handbook Handbook Handbook

Had enough of being left out of the love quotient?

Have you ever wondered why you just aren’t attracting the right relationships

into your life?

Have you ever felt held back from approaching someone you

really, really liked?

If you answered yes to any of these questions then this Fabulous Flirt ‘sFabulous Flirt ‘sFabulous Flirt ‘sFabulous Flirt ‘s HandbookHandbookHandbookHandbook has the solutions you need to put all that behind you and get out

there and become a truly Fabulous Flirt.Fabulous Flirt.Fabulous Flirt.Fabulous Flirt. These tools and suggestions are suitable for applying to traditional methods of dating and also online dating. They embrace the ever-changing social influences and current trends (where they count). They will help you meet your own special someone and enjoy a potentially exciting life transition….from single to ‘taken’.

Don’t be your own best kept secret any longer!!

This resource is designed to help you to:

♥ Build on your confidence so that you can

mingle and chat with anyone

♥ Learn to overcome fears of rejection or self-doubt

♥ Gain clarity about who is right for you, and how to attract them

♥ Learn to love yourself (if you don’t already) so you can receive the love others

♥ Learn the art of flirting so you can confidently & PLAYFULLY approach or attract anyone worthy

♥ Learn all about rapport building, reading body language, sending and noticing flirting signals

♥ Learn whatever YOU need to know about dating and relationship building techniques.


Contents Introduction .............................................................................................................................................. 3

Preface ..................................................................................................................................................... 5

10 Principles of a Fabulous Flirt ....................................................................................................... 7

♥ Be proud of your own uniqueness ................................................................................................. 10

EXERCISE 2 Self-love & pampering yourself .............................................................................. 12

EXERCISE 3 My Strengths and Weaknesses ............................................................................. 13

EXERCISE 4 My Uniqueness ..................................................................................................... 14

♥ Know what you want ...................................................................................................................... 15

EXERCISE 5 My Ideal Partner .................................................................................................... 16

♥ Believe anything is possible ........................................................................................................... 17

EXERCISE 6 My new dating and relating beliefs ........................................................................ 19

♥ Learn only positive lessons from your social experiences ............................................................. 20

♥ Be playful and feel sexy ................................................................................................................. 21

♥ Have FUN by helping others to have fun ....................................................................................... 22

♥ Be present & listen up .................................................................................................................... 23

♥ Be selective (but not judgmental) ................................................................................................... 26

♥ Trust yourself! ................................................................................................................................ 27

♥ Just do it & be BOLD ...................................................................................................................... 27

Understanding the differences ............................................................................................................... 28

Body Language & Flirting ....................................................................................................................... 29

Flirting signals BY MEN ........................................................................................................................ 31

Flirting signals BY WOMEN ................................................................................................................... 31

Rapport building ..................................................................................................................................... 32

Making a connection and conversation openers ................................................................................... 34

Resources .............................................................................................................................................. 39


IntroductionIntroductionIntroductionIntroduction

I’m Sandy Ewing, your Love Coach. I’m a qualified Life Coach and Neuro Linguistics expert. The insights and coaching techniques I share with you here

have helped 1000s of people gain breakthroughs in a variety of personal and

relationship goals. Over the last 14 years one of my coaching specializations

has evolved into transformational coaching program for single people,

including long-term single people. The underlying focus of my coaching is on

your personal awareness and growth. When we are growing as a person, we

are generally much happier. In fact, I believe the foundations of happiness are

built on growth. Think about this…being stuck in a rut or held back is not a

happy place to be, right?

If you have a desire to find your own special someone or want to develop great

relationships and social networks, then the material I am presenting is proven to

assist people just like you to attract the right people in to your life, with personal

growth being one of the many added benefits. This handbook has evolved, based on the fabulous results each of my clients has achieved. Many found the exercises in

this handbook easy and fun to do. They also said they were suitably stretched and

challenged, and said that they thrived as they progressed and applied these tools and gained further insights about themselves and others.

To ensure you gain all the benefits and also achieve your own goals, I suggest you complete all the personal development exercises in this handbook,

memorize the TTTTop 10 principles of aop 10 principles of aop 10 principles of aop 10 principles of a Fabulous Fabulous Fabulous Fabulous FlirtFlirtFlirtFlirt and practice the

flirting techniques until you look, feel and sound like a Fabulous Fabulous Fabulous Fabulous FlirtFlirtFlirtFlirt.

I thank all of my clients, friends and family who have contributed to this valuable resource in their own special ways. It is your insights that are now

helping others to find love.

Well done to YOU for picking up this handbook. Now be prepared do what

needs to be done, to get ready to become a Fabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous Flirt……

Sandy EwingSandy EwingSandy EwingSandy Ewing

Life & Love Coach


PrefacePrefacePrefacePreface

FlirtingFlirtingFlirtingFlirting is a way of communicating using sensual energy (not only sexual

energy) that is instinctive and natural, or can be learnt, if forgotten, with awareness

and practice. It is about being aware of and using your body language, mental focus

and your own unique “energy” or presence to project your desired message. As a

single person looking for love, romance, and great connections, you especially need

to be aware of and know how to effectively communicate via your body language and energy, and you need to know what principles will serve you best as you get out and

about meeting people. People who have principles from which they live by will nearly

always make better decisions and build more momentum and ultimately have more

happiness and success than those people who don’t. In this handbook there are specific principles for which you can now choose to live by on a daily basis that will

help you to be your best and get what you want – love. They remind you to lighten-

up, have more fun and just be you. When you have these principles in the back of your mind whenever you are around other people, your energy and presence will be

noticed and appreciated, so long as you use them in the appropriate context of the

situation, the people and the environment at hand. If you are constantly aware of

these principles you will be able to make the most of every opportunity and in fact,

create your own opportunities to connect well with others. You cannot expect to find

love if you don’t make it a habit to connect with others on a daily or regular basis.

Let’s face it, looking for love and/or a life partner is a delicate, exciting, and potentially hugely enriching time in one’s life. Unfortunately, it also has the

potential for being an emotionally upsetting and an even hurtful experience.

How many times have you or a close friend fallen for the wrong person? What a heart-breaking experience and waste of time that can be. Falling for or

being attracted to the wrong person is often fueled by a fear of being alone or

a limiting belief about who you are as a person. It can also be about unrealistic

expectations or making a quick judgment to avoid potential rejection. Sound familiar? I have coached many clients who had become untrusting and

skeptical as a result of being rejected and hurt at some point in their past. This

triggered a sense of unworthiness within them. Unworthiness and self-doubt

which can lead to a person wanting to ‘hide out’ or find other things to do, that

are suddenly more important than love. There are so many people out there

who are too quick to judge and dismiss someone. Is it avoidance or is it a

good judgment?? How will you know if it is or isn’t a good judgment? How

can you find love if you are in such a negative place in your mind? Let me

show you.

If any of these issues are present in your life, then they need to be addressed right now. Being your own best kept secret isn’t the happiest place to remain,

is it? Who wants to be lonely or missing out of the love quotient?


This workbook begins with some useful exercises to help anyone currently

experiencing low self-esteem, fear of rejection, self-doubt or avoidance

patterns, such as becoming a work-a-holic or a recluse, being anti-social or becoming gym junkie or anything that helps you avoid the opposite sex (or

same-sex if you are that way inclined).

By following the steps in this handbook as you begin to socialize, you will be far more likely to attract only worthy and honorable, principled people like

YOU, who will treat you right and bring out your best, not your worst.

This handbook is set out in a way that covers all you need to know to get

ready to flirt - under the titles of each of the10 Principles of a Fabulous Flirt.

Once you understand and have taken all the principles on board, you will then

be equipped with all you need to know about the act of flirting….that part where you actually send signals and also notice them being sent to you.

So, what are the 10 10 10 10 Principles of a Fabulous FlirtPrinciples of a Fabulous FlirtPrinciples of a Fabulous FlirtPrinciples of a Fabulous Flirt?……


10 Principles of a Fabulous Flirt10 Principles of a Fabulous Flirt10 Principles of a Fabulous Flirt10 Principles of a Fabulous Flirt

♥ Be proud of your own uniqueness

♥ Know what you want

♥ Believe anything is possible

♥ Learn only positive lessons from every

social experience (It is not always about you!

Say NO to negative assumptions!)

♥ Be playful and feel sexy

♥ HAVE FUN by helping others to have

fun

♥ Be present & listen up

♥ Be selective but not judgmental

♥ Trust yourself

♥ Just do it & BE BOLD!

And always remember … “Don’t take yourself too seriously!”


Before you embark on learning about the principles of a Fabulous Flirt it will be helpful for you to think about what YOU need to do now and how you can help yourself in the best possible way to be successful. I want you to think about what has stopped you achieving success in the area of dating and relationships, thus far. We need to address your particular issues up front. This exercise will help you pre-empt any potential barriers, and have solutions ready at hand. Momentum is key whenever you want to achieve a specific goal.

Solutions & planning = SUCCESS Barriers & avoidance = same old, same old

EXERCISE 1 Planning for success: The 3 key outcomes I want to achieve in the area of dating relationships are:

1. ______________________________________________

2. ______________________________________________

3. ______________________________________________

What are 3 potential barriers that have the potential to hinder the successful achievement of your desired outcomes? What are possible solutions for these barriers?


Potential Barrier #1: Solution #1: Potential Barrier #2: Solution #2: Potential Barrier #3: Solution #3:

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.”

Theodore Roosevelt


!!!! BeBeBeBe proud of your owproud of your owproud of your owproud of your own n n n uniquenessuniquenessuniquenessuniqueness

Often people who are reluctant to put themselves ‘out there’ and be willing to

accept a loving relationship, are suffering from low self-esteem and have minimal

self-awareness. This can be played out in life as SHYNESS. Shyness is often caused by a fear that someone will think badly of us. People often forget that they

have their own uniqueness. No two human beings are alike, yet they constantly

compare themselves with unrealistic stereotypes of the perfect woman or man. These stereotypical aspirations can do more harm than good, and may be

keeping the real you locked away. Don’t believe the hype, believe in yourself!

If you have low self-esteem or low self-love this will be perpetuated in a social

environment. It is of paramount importance to develop a true sense of self-love and regain your confidence now. Make a promise to yourself to never think “I’m

shy” again. If this challenges you then you really need to face the situation right

now and be bold enough to take a positive step towards a confidence level that

truly inspires you.

The greater the self-love; the greater the quality of life. Self-love is the

catalyst for confidence. One of the things that both men and women is the most attractive attribute is a person’s confidence and attitude.

Confidence is not about believing that you can do anything. Confidence is about

KNOWING what you can and can’t do and not being concerned with your limitations. Rather, you are completely proud of your own uniqueness.

Here are some helpful ways in which you can enhance your self-esteem

and make self-love a habit:

! Make a list of all the things you like about yourself and add to this list

regularly (it will become easier once you put the first thing down)

! Take full responsibility for your life and situations you find yourself in;

never blame others or you will not do anything about improving yourself

! Consciously generate rational thoughts and feelings of approval of

yourself – with growth in mind

! Be accepting of your uniqueness by accepting your strengths AND your

weaknesses (everybody has both)

! Be willing to create a lifestyle that generates, nourishes and maintains

sound self-esteem

! Watch what you say to yourself! Reframe all negative language constantly

(use a personal journal to do this)


! Keep your thoughts focused in the present by letting go of the past

(coaching helps)

! Stop any feelings of guilty or angry – see past mistakes as valuable

lessons

! Become grateful for all the lessons you gain from the people in your life,

past and present

! See the cause and effect in your behavior. Ask yourself regularly if you are

being at cause (in charge) OR are you being in effect (reactive) in your

life?

! Never judge yourself or others

! Give time to yourself for simple pleasures including massage, walking and

writing

! Invest money in yourself - nourish your soul regularly with yoga or

meditation, workshops and only buy healthy, living foods….they are so

tasty!

! Give yourself permission to do nothing at all – periodically

! Relax and breathe!

! Look in the mirror each morning and say “I love you!”…do this until you

can either laugh at yourself lightheartedly or actually feel as though you do

love yourself

! Always look up, keep your shoulders back and imagine you are connected

to the universe above by a thread from your chest bone (it will force you to

smile ☺)

! Be accepting of others and of their compliments

! Avoid comparing yourself to others

! Be assertive and willing to say ‘NO” and “YES” when you really want to

! Set goals in all areas of your life for balance. Focus on one or two at a

time. Always keep growth and positive lessons in mind.

! DON’T TAKE YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY


EXERCISE 2 Self-love & pampering yourself

Go through the list above or think of other ways in which you will now choose to

pamper yourself each week.

e.g. a massage; journal writing about what you did well each day or what you

positive lesson you learn from a dating experience; spending quality time with

friends/family; dancing; yoga class; gym workout; relaxation; reading, setting goals,

a coaching session……..

1, ___________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________

3, ___________________________________________

Once a month, change 1 or 2 ways in which you will pamper yourself and keep

SELF LOVE and FUN in mind. The main aim is to not only feel good about

yourself, but also be open to love. It is highly unlikely you will be open to love if you

do not have genuine self-love in the first instance. Three sessions of this kind of

“timeout” each week will definitely help you to see the lighter side of life and to give

yourself the opportunity to learn more about yourself and how to be your best,

confidently. Confidence begins with knowing your strengths and weaknesses and

being proud and accepting of it all.

Until your self-esteem grows and you develop greater self-awareness, I believe

that you can “fake it till you make it”. I have witnessed a number of coaching clients get outstanding results in their personal and professional lives by doing something

consistently, even fearfully until it actually becomes natural and comfortable for

them. With flirting and dating it is a highly valuable tool to use whilst your level of

self-love and self-esteem slowly grows. It does take time so don’t be hard on yourself if you find you still feel a little apprehensive or self-critical at times. You

have nothing to lose by faking something like playfulness until you actually feel

playful. It is also important that you realize this type of faking isn’t about trying to be someone you are not. For example, if you are a good-hearted and successful

“tradie” who lives life to the full, you should be proud of your craft and who you are

as a person. But if you believe that women mostly like ‘professionals’ and you try

to pretend you are climbing some corporate ladder, or if you are an IT geek (no

disrespect intended) and try to pretend you love the great outdoors, then you will

surely come across as false and untrustworthy. Your body language and tone of

voice will tell the truth. There is a distinct difference in faking something for the

intention of personal growth and win/win outcomes, compared with pretending to

be something you’re not to influence someone’s decision about you or something

you are offering. The latter will cause you both to lose in the end.


People who are just themselves are people who we are the most comfortable to be with.

The following exercise is great for gaining awareness about who you are, what

your strengths are. There is a column for listing your weaknesses. This is only for

the purpose of helping you be clear about what aspects of yourself you can

improve on or ACCEPT. It is not about finding fault or reasons for not getting

yourself out there.

EXERCISE 3 My Strengths and Weaknesses

Allow yourself about 20 minutes to sit down in a place where you feel happy and

comfortable.

Firstly, write not less than 5 things you classify as a strength or something (big or

small) that you like or love about yourself. Don’t worry if your mind is a blank at first

as this is quite normal. Just get something down in the strengths column to get you

started. Trust your pen will start to flow, once you have taken the first step. It helps

if you ask yourself “What would my friends say they like about me?”

Secondly, put no more than 3 things you classify as your weaknesses or bad habits

or challenges. Often the weaknesses column is easiest to fill because most people

are so, so hard on themselves and expect too much of themselves.

My STRENGTHS:

My weaknesses:


EXERCISE 4 My Uniqueness

Now use your Strengths and Weakness page to come up with a paragraph

describing who you are, as a person. Select only positive words that describe even

your weaknesses in an accepting kind of way. Make this paragraph something that inspires you and makes you feel proud of all that you are and are not. You can use

some humour and definitely use your own words or dialogue that would best outline

your personality. If you have a dry sense of humour then make sure you use words

that show that trait. There is great example of a client’s My Uniqueness paragraph below if you get stuck. But you will gain more from this exercise if you have a go at

writing it yourself first, so you are not tempted to copy too much. NOTE: You will

get to think about your characteristics in more detail, later in the workbook.

I Am Proud Of My Own Uniqueness Because…………………….

One example: “People often say I make them feel comfortable around me and that I am a great listener. When I go out I always go with an open mind and make sure I feel relaxed within myself so people won’t see me as closed off or unapproachable . My motto in life is “the greater the risk, the greater the rewards” so I don’t want to miss out on all those rewards, now do I?? I always laugh at myself when I first start talking to someone because I am such a fidget. Last time I was talking to a guy I joked about it and said “You probably think I am really nervous, but really I just fidget a lot so that you don’t look so much at my big nose”. He cracked up laughing with me and before long he was asking for my number. “ Amanda McM.


!!!! Know what you want Know what you want Know what you want Know what you want

Knowing what you want is paramount if you want to achieve anything in life. Given

that the Law of Attraction (refer to the Resources section at the back of this

handbook) is always working around and within us, we must be aware that LIKE

attracts LIKE. When it comes to attracting our ideal partner we must be aware of whom we are “being” so that we can attract who we want. If you want a person

with a vibrancy, positive attitude to life and happy disposition (don’t we all??), then

that is what you need to be. Use the following page to clarify the person you want

to attract in your life and then what you need to do to increase your chances of attracting that person. If you cannot match at least 80% of the characteristics you

want in a partner you can set about working on the ones you are lacking in, either

with a coach to fast-track this process or at your own pace. This includes

physique. If you want a sculptured body to wrap your arms around you may need

to be at least interested in this area and be willing to build some knowledge of

health and fitness or better still, be that body type yourself, to increase your

chances of attracting someone like that. All goals need to be realistic and should

also excite you when you visualize them. By the way, you may make your love life

a lot more difficult to manage if are trying to attract a multi-millionaire if you have

little knowledge or care factor about what is going on in the world or with your own

money. Nor will you be able hold a decent conversation with them. Of course in some instances he or she may be willing to be the authority and actually like being

your advisor if you do have little knowledge of their field or interest. There are

always exceptions so, based on the material we are covering, you can start to establish who you are as a person and what strengths and also what challenges

you will be bringing to the relationship. Then, instead of trying to find the perfect

partner in the eyes of the world, you can instead start to notice and look for

someone who is perfect for YOU – there is a BIG difference. ‘They’ need to be someone who compliments your strengths and is also able to support you with

your challenges. So, once you have gained this awareness, you can THEN put

your vision of what you are looking for out there to the universe, get yourself out

there and spot your own special someone.

I believe there is someone for everyone and I believe that they will show up when

you are ready to receive their love and attention.

Ask yourself regularly.. “Am I BEING who I need to be, to attract the

person I want to attract?”


EXERCISE 5 My Ideal Partner

The characteristics I choose in a partner:

Which of

these do I possess?


!!!! Believe anything is possible Believe anything is possible Believe anything is possible Believe anything is possible

As this document is a handbook rather than a full resource for relationship building there are other important factors in a great, long-lasting relationship such as values and culture that I am not able to cover in these easy-to-learn steps. If you have any questions or would like to establish your personal life values it would be advisable to get yourself a coach or do some of your own evaluations in this regard. Belief systems are something I must cover with you, before you start out applying the tools and principles in this handbook. Like Henry Ford said, “If you think you can, or if think you cannot, you will be absolutely right.” Our belief systems have been developed over our entire lives. We’ve each had life experiences that tell us what we like or dislike; what we fear or what we love; what we can or cannot do. What if I was to tell you that one of the most powerful coaching conversations I deliver is about how to change your beliefs for the better? Well, here is an example of an effective belief changing conversation with a single person I worked with, named Alex; The conversation: Sandy: “Tell me what you are usually thinking when you are walking down the street wanting to bump into someone special Alex?” Alex: “I’m usually looking at people at their waist height or looking mostly down at the footpath wishing I could meet the girl of my dreams. But deep down I know (believe) it isn’t going to happen.” Sandy: ”Ok, so you are looking down and hoping for one thing but believing another thing, right?” Alex: “Yes.” Sandy: “Oh really? Looking down and hoping but not believing Alex, right?” Alex: “Um, yeah that is sounding pretty silly (starting to smile, laugh)”. Sandy: “So, if you were to look up at people’s faces with a soft smile, believing that people love to chat to you, do you think you would start to notice people are looking at you and even smiling sometimes, or that some people might actually say “hi”? Ok, now I want you to stand up and say to yourself a few times that “people love to chat to me”.

Alex: “People love to chat to me, people love to chat to me”….(standing, looking ahead and smiling…. and probably feeling a bit silly)

Sandy: “Now take your mind back to your old belief that you are never going to meet anyone special, whilst you are standing up.” (Alex stands and looks down to the floor. He appears to be deep in thought and he is not smiling at all.)


Sandy: “Alex, can you feel or notice the distinct differences in your posture, eye level and body language when you changed your thoughts to that old belief?” Alex: “Oh my gosh, yes I can. There’s a huge difference. I felt much happier even though there isn’t anyone around that actually wants to chat to me besides you, but I know that they will when I get to do this in public. I can see myself walking with a different stride and feeling really good.” Sandy: “That is fantastic Alex. So what do you now CHOOSE to believe?” Alex: “People love to chat to me, and I love it.” (Alex went out every day for 3 weeks and consciously thought this and said this to himself over and over. He found that people everywhere truly did love to chat to him. Even those people at work who he thought didn’t like him, were smiling at him and saying good morning or wishing him a good night at the end of the day. He started to realize that his old belief was purely a self-fulfilling prophecy and that maybe people used to smile at him but because he was mostly looking down and worrying too much, he didn’t notice them??) 3 weeks later…… Sandy: “Was it easy to change that belief and does the new belief seem natural now?” Alex: “Of course and I love you Sandy for helping me see how I created limitations and how easily they can change. I did notice a girl I liked yesterday and I think she smiled softly my way. She was on the 5 o’clock Glen Waverley train so I intend to go on that train again and see if I can spot her again.”

If it is so easy to change a belief what else could a single person like YOU, yes YOU reading this handbook, choose to believe that will serve you much better than your current set of dating and relating beliefs? What could this exercise make possible for you??? ANYTHING! To help you think of those limiting, old beliefs here are some common ones with a suitable replacement that you can opt to believe, (or not);

OLD THINKING/BELIEF

NEW WAY OF THINKING & BELIEVING

“I am so awkward around someone I want to meet” “When I see someone I like I always give them an admiring smile and it makes them

feel good.” “I don’t mingle very well”

“People love to chat me and I love it.”

“I am so self-conscious that I cannot speak to the opposite sex”

“In the company of men/women I am now focused on their comfort, not my own and they like it. I learnt how to talk when I was

two.”


EXERCISE 6 My new dating and relating beliefs

1. Over the next two weeks observe your predominant thoughts when you are

out socialising, planning a date or thinking about a relationship. In the table

below, write any negative thoughts you have in the left column as soon as

you get back home or observe them.

2. Immediately create a flip side or positive statement that counteracts your

previous thoughts that no longer serve you.

3. Select the most powerful statements that will become your affirmations and

state these new positive affirmations out loud 10 times a day, preferably in

the mirror at yourself. Write each one down 10 times, morning and night, in a personal journal for 2-3 weeks.

4. Observe the difference in your energy and emotions. You will notice people

respond differently too. Repeat or create more positive affirmations as

needed. Focus on instilling each belief daily and for at least three weeks

solid.

OLD THINKING/BELIEF

NEW WAY OF THINKING & BELIEVING


!!!! LLLLearn earn earn earn only only only only positive lessons from positive lessons from positive lessons from positive lessons from youryouryouryour social experiencessocial experiencessocial experiencessocial experiences

Imagine how you are going to feel if you took everything personally? It is NOT

always about you. A study of 2,000 people revealed that 87% of the things they

most feared never actually came to fruition? If you go out (and initially you may

still feel a little nervous or not so comfortable) and start smiling at someone, but they look away, your old belief might have you say to yourself “see, no one thinks I

am attractive”. But in reality, they too could have been self-conscious and were

wishing for someone to talk to them but when they saw you looking and smiling,

they froze and looked away? You COULD choose to think that they were just somewhere else in their minds and it had nothing to do with you, right? I know

what I would choose to believe. Actually, when I was single, I always went out

believing that men find me irresistible and open. No, I am not an ego-maniac, I simply chose to believe what made me feel good, and therefore my energy was

playful and attractive to others. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your sub-

conscious mind does not know the difference between imaginary and real, so why

not tell it something that will surely help you feel good and have more fun??

It is also important to remember that dating is often a numbers game. It is a little bit

like applying for a job. You will probably end up sending your resume out a number of times before you get an interview. You might even find that you have a

few interviews before you find and keep the job you really want, right? Each time

you come home from either a night out or from a date you can decide to learn something constructive or destructive. Look for ways to improve yourself, without

being too critical. Flirting and dating is supposed to be FUN. Don’t let limiting

beliefs (that you can change right now) or excuses such as “but I’m too fat for

anyone to want me”, or “but I don’t enjoy flirting because I’m no good at it” to determine how you’ll end up feeling. That is not going to get you anywhere and it

inflicts pain on your own self - it needs to be stopped immediately. You CAN

choose your thoughts, right? Yes, yes, yes. You can also choose to do something

about your weight or your style of clothing if it will make you feel better. By losing some weight or improving your looks for YOU, or buying nicer and more flattering

clothes, I guarantee you will expand your social networks and increase your

chances of success in love. It is NOT for the reasons you may think. It is purely

because you will be happier and more vibrant and also more present of others.

Actually, curves are attractive to most guys and bulkiness is attractive to most

women, according to all the men and women I know. Don’t allow yourself to

succumb to perfectionist ways. Perfectionism is like a disease and it will certainly hold you back. Being 80% happy with your looks and weight seems to be a

winning formula that helps most people let go of self-consciousness. Which

brings me to the next principle of a Fabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous Flirt .


!!!! Be playfulBe playfulBe playfulBe playful andandandand feel sexyfeel sexyfeel sexyfeel sexy

I have learnt a lot from an amazing relationships expert from the USA, Alison

Armstrong. Did you know that if a woman is in a playful mood that she cannot

have any male energy present, whatsoever. Did you know that when a woman is playful, she is far more appealing to the opposite sex? That natural, instinctive

behaviours between man and woman kick in. So what does all this mean, I hear

you ask? Well, every human being has male and female energy or yin and yang

within them, as you may be aware. I won’t go in the science of this in this

handbook, but PLAYFULNESS is an actual state of being or mood that is

distinguishable, not only by the physical signs of someone being playful, but also

on a sub-conscious level. It is an energy that is irresistible to men. So ladies,

make sure your energy is playful! You will definitely need to take off your “work

hat” and put on your “playful hat” and put a dance in your step. I suggest you

consciously do the hat switching as a deliberate ritual every day ….you will soon

be attracting interest you never thought possible. I have coached some stunning ladies. They ALL were quite stumped as to why men “just wanted to be friends”.

As soon as they learnt how to switch on their feminine energy by being playful,

they had offers for dinner and romance coming from everywhere. Unfortunately when women are in ‘work mode’ they are usually in their masculine energy which

makes them feel more like a mate that a potential girlfriend to a man.

People love to around happy people and happy people are usually being playful, right? Both males and females can do the hat switching act, and you can both

expect the same result….more delightful attention!

I will let you in on another secret about energy and attraction. If you allow yourself

to feel sexy in an appropriate way (of course), you are adding an air of romance to

your already positive and playful energy. Let’s face it; your ultimate goal is to fall

in love, right? So, if you have an energy of romance about you, you will be noticed

and thought of as someone loveable (if you are their type of course). The people

you will attract in this mode will be thinking of you as a potential partner, not just a

fun person to be with and you will be less likely to hear the words, “let’s just be

friends” when you would rather be kissing them. Did you also know that when you have a romantic air about you, your eyes sparkle more and your face is softer?

You can test this out yourself; next time you go out see if you can notice the

difference between someone who is just having fun, and someone who looks like relationship material. Notice what is different about them.

Please remember that not everyone has had the privilege of reading or learning

this material. Others may not be as sociable or as good at flirting or enjoying the moment as you. The rule of thumb with this is that being playful is merely about

being welcoming and a happy person to be around. If you spot someone attractive,

you can then add flirtatious playfulness to the situation. It is not always going end

up in love at first sight and a fast-tracked dinner date. You need to be mindful of

their personal space and you are definitely not to take any disinterest personally.


There are a few other steps you need to take to get to the point of being asked out

or getting ready to ask another person out.

!!!! Have FUN byHave FUN byHave FUN byHave FUN by helphelphelphelping others to ing others to ing others to ing others to have funhave funhave funhave fun

Having fun is now a choice that you make each time you step out the door. I say

‘each time’ because you never know what can happen, and love often seems to

find YOU when you least expect it. You can choose to have a bad day or a good

day. If I ever wake up feeling a little flat, I say to myself, “I am going to have a few moments of feeling flat, then I am getting up with the intention to make someone

else’s day today, alright Sandy?”

How much more attractive can you be when you are focused on making sure the

people around you are also having fun and enjoying the moment?? When you

focus on other people there is also a significant shift that can happen within you.

You actually stop worrying about yourself. How or why? It is pretty difficult to focus on more than one thing unless you are a female with four children and you are

cooking and talking on the phone when the children are all around you. Don’t be

offended guys. It is proven that the structure of your brain isn’t designed to

continually think of more than one thing at a time–it’s called ‘single focus’ and it is a gift for men, I can assure you all. Try being in a woman’s mind for more than 5

minutes!

Anyway, getting back to your focus…..if you really do want to find love and I can

guarantee you won’t find it by being distracted and inwardly focused.

So, let’s assume you are out with a friend or you are out by yourself and you set out for a fun night of being in the moment and open to possibilities. It is good to

look around and notice ways in which you can assist someone to get more

comfortable such as offering your chair (if you are male or the other person is

looking for a chair and you like them etc). It might be that you offer them a drink or

a coin for the parking meter or something like that. Focusing on others’ comfort

means you cannot think of your own nerves or old thoughts or fears. When I

started public speaking 14 years ago, I was very nervous in the beginning. I felt tense and feared that I wouldn’t know what I was going to say or my message

wouldn’t get across. It was all me, me, me thinking (inward focus). One day a HR

trainer I know asked me a deliberate question about speaking, “Sandy, do you care about the experience of your audience?” “Of course”, I answered. “Then focus

on that and the words will come”. I consciously did this as soon as I got in front of

an audience again. I went from being nervous to looking around the room and

making sure they were all in view of the stage and that the chairs were filled in the front so that they will all hear what I have to say. Before I realized it, I was


beginning to connect with them all as I spoke confidently. The words flowed as I

intended and when I got home to reflect, I couldn’t recall any nervousness. I was

amazed and from that day forward, I was speaking at an all new level of confidence. I realized I no longer spoke to the audience. I was now connecting

and engaging the audience. Right now, I hope you are wondering how you will

use this valuable insight when you go out or have a first date from someone you

met on the internet.

********

So, you have done your homework on who you want to attract, and you now choose to love

who you are and share yourself with the world. Great work! You are putting another piece of

the bigger picture together now. Well done! You have learnt to put things in perspective,

believing anything is possible and that you can be proud of yourself just the way you are.

The next principle will make a lot of sense to you all now….

!!!! Be Be Be Be present &present &present &present & listen uplisten uplisten uplisten up

Often people who are lost in their negativity or deep thoughts of the past or about something other than what is happening around them are not very easy to connect with, obviously. Let me give you an example;

You would probably have to do a cart wheel in front of either of these two people to

get them to even look your way. If you saw one of these people when you were out and about you either wouldn’t approach them or you would look straight past

them. There is a time and place to contemplate. I’m guessing you already know

that whether you are socializing or you’re at work, it isn’t the time to be worried or

distant especially if you are single and don’t want to be. You never know when your own special someone will show up. You don’t want them to pass you by, do


you? These two great quotes are useful reminders for those days when we just

feel like day-dreaming the day away…

“The past is a ghost, the future a dream. All we ever have is now.” Bill Cosby

“Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today.”

Dale Carnegie

Here is my 4-Step process to help you to be ready to be totally present and enjoying the moment, and to ensure you have fun. These steps help you remove some potential distractions such as worrying about your appearance, which is a common distraction. Before you go out the door each day (no excuses) take stock of how you look and how you feel;

1. Take pride in your appearance – dress in clothes that you look great and feel great in. Plan ahead too. This will help you avoid simply chucking on a few pieces of clothing because they were all you had left. If you are unsure of how well you dress then ask your best friend or seek professional styling consultant.

2. Check your mood - If you need to shake off a nagging problem in your head then literally stand up and shake your body or your “booty”, whichever you prefer. By shifting your physiology you can shift your mood in an instant. As soon as you have shaken off the issue or bad mood, affirm it by telling yourself, “You rock!” in the mirror or by blowing yourself a kiss and saying “You are totally gorgeous today!”. Why not? If nobody is watching you, why care what this looks or sounds like??? I am 100% certain that the first few times you do this, especially in front of the mirror; you will crack up laughing at yourself – a perfect mood to go out with.

3. Check your posture – Firstly, stand up and take 3 deep breaths right down low into your diaphragm and exhale the stale air completely with a ‘haaaa’ as you stand there. Then back yourself up against a wall and check if your shoulders and the back of your head are touching the wall. If not, then pull your shoulders back; raise the tip of your head until you are stretch upwards. Then press yourself back again against the wall, eyes looking directly ahead. Then hold this position for a few minutes. Notice how tall you are now? Step away from the wall, still standing tall and now lift your eyes and look straight ahead. Now, imagine you have a golden thread connecting your chest bone with the sky even when you are walking and talking. It really helps you project an air of confidence. This almost always will put a soft smile on your lips naturally as well.

4. Fake it until you make it! Even if you are still a little unsure about how you look or come across, you can pretend to be confident by using your posture to lift you up and at least look as though you are confident and positive. You cannot laugh very easily when you are looking down, so look up! Think sexy and playful thoughts (not too naughty though). Use your


imagination and let it work in your favour. Ask yourself, “How would a totally hot and confident person look, walk and talk?” Then practice walking around the house as if you were that person. Laughing at yourself as you do this is a must! Telling yourself “You rock!” is also a must. Then take a few deep breaths and walk out that door and go and have some real fun.

You may have heard what I am about to say here; you have two ears and one

mouth for a reason. It is good manners and excellent rapport building to listen more than you talk. I am pretty sure that many of you also feel a sense of relief as

you consider this. Good! It’s just a shame that it’s probably got something to do

with a fear of saying the wrong thing, looking bad or some other negative belief

you may have about talking to someone. The majority of the things human beings fear are not likely to come to fruition? Didn’t you learn how to talk at about the age

of 2? Now how many years of talking is that for you? Hmmmm…. That is a pretty

funny fear to have now isn’t it? By the way, if you don’t take yourself too

seriously you will not be able to hold on to this fear of not being able to talk…..you

DO know how to talk.

If I don’t sound very sympathetic towards your fears, you would be right! I’m not going to help too many people by being sympathetic about these things. “Poor

you” won’t come out of my mouth should we ever meet for a coaching session. I

definitely do have empathy though, or I wouldn’t be writing this handbook. So, let’s talk about LISTENING. If you are listening more, you certainly will have a lot less

time to have to think about what to talk about, at any rate, which is good news,

right? However, people generally love to talk about themselves especially once

someone gets them started. All you need to do when socializing to get people started. So, here are just some reminders about the art of listening and starting a

conversing with someone;

!!!! After you say “Hi” (yes it is a good idea to say hi to people), you can follow it with just one statement or a question that will require more than one word to answer. E.g. “I couldn’t help noticing you and your beautiful hair. How do you get it looking like that?” or, “When you came in it was like you know this place well. It’s my first time so do you have any tips for a cute guy/girl like me?” Or if you are going to aim to really make someone laugh in the first instance (which is a fabulous trait) you could ask, “Was it me that you were admiring just a minute ago or am I mistaken? I sure noticed you…..”, or “Might you like my seat or are you leaving soon? I sure hope not”.

!!!! Pay attention and look into the other person’s face with admiring eyes so that you are likely to pick up most of what they are saying and so that they are comfortable.

!!!! Stand slightly off to one side so as not to be facing head-on, which nearly always will make them feel uncomfortable.


!!!! Start nodding gently as they talk or answer your question and give them a smile of approval so they too are not worrying about what to say. Encouragement is the key! If you encourage someone to keep talking, you are able to focus on them and keep making them feel comfortable instead of focusing on your own nerves.

!!!! As they talk, imagine that you are the only two people in the room and that they are the most important person you have ever met. Remember it is your intention to make them feel good about themselves and if you are paying attention about what they are saying you won’t forget anything that is important to them. If you bump into them later you will be able to relate well with them and it will be something positive they will notice about you. It shows you care.

!!!! Be selective (but not Be selective (but not Be selective (but not Be selective (but not

judgmental)judgmental)judgmental)judgmental)

People who need to judge others are more often lonely for a lot longer than those

people who choose to accept people as they are. You can accept people but that

doesn’t mean you have to like them or have them in your life, right? It is never

really ok to judge others, even if you have been single for a very long time or have

been hurt and feel a strong sense of self-preservation. If you have ever been

judged, especially unfairly, then you know what it would be like for the recipient of

your judgment. I believe that 99% of the people on the planet are good people with honorable intentions. It can be a temptation to judge someone so that you

don’t have to consider approaching them or accept their flirting signals. For

example, you see someone across the room in a café that you really find

attractive, you look and look back a little while later and you start to notice their clothes or who they are with and then….. they look at you. You get startled and

you look away, embarrassed. Your thoughts go crazy for a whole minute and it

doesn’t feel very good. The redness in your cheeks has faded but the memory of your embarrassment has triggered thoughts of the past. You stop yourself and

then, to make life easier, you take a peek back at the person you originally thought

was attractive and you argue with yourself about their hair or their personality and

you decide that they are not for you anyway. Sound familiar? Guess what? It is YOUR problem not theirs that you felt embarrassed. They could be part of the

99% of the people on the planet and be ok and even ‘nice’. BUT you have judged

them so you don’t feel embarrassed again…not helpful! Oh well, another one bites

the dust, and another one whilst you keep protecting yourself from slight, and very

short-lived discomfort that you inflicted on yourself.. Ok, ok….it is time to

remember…..


!!!! Trust yourself! Trust yourself! Trust yourself! Trust yourself!

You don’t need me to tell you that you need to trust yourself when you are

socializing, mingling with new people and during the dating phase. There is a lot at

stake so it is understandable that some people just don’t trust their own selection

processes. My suggestion is that you put the past in the past and have the attitude that you are starting out fresh. If you have done all the exercises so far in this

workbook, it is like starting fresh because you have a new perspective. Take stock

of your thoughts and feelings about yourself right now or tonight just before you go

to be. Get out your journal…you did start one, right?....then right down a statement about why you can now trust your judgment and selection

processes…and yourself in all that you do. If you to the ground work, then you

have no excuses to hold back, in regards to getting out and trusting yourself to have fun and be liked by liked minded people. People who may not like you, are

probably people you don’t want to like either, right? If you let it go and keep

focusing on the now and your future, you allow yourself to get excited about being

in this transitional phase of your life where you are about to accept the love of another. Trust that this IS what is happening for you now......

!!!! JJJJust do it & be BOLDust do it & be BOLDust do it & be BOLDust do it & be BOLD

And always remember … “Don’t take yourself too seriously!


So there you have all the principles of a Fabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous Flirt .

Now you need some techniques that a Fabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous Flirt would use to actually apply these

principles.

Understanding the differences

All human beings want romance, if we are completely honest with ourselves. We

want to love and be loved. We are also still just animals with instinctive behaviours and traits that have never changed from the days of our origin as cave men and

women. We mostly still have the same fundamental desires and mating rituals as

we did in our primitive form.

Women (cave women):

• Like to be admired

• Like to be seduced

• Want to feel passion and romance

• Are playful

• Need to feel safe

• Signal their approval often

• Like a man who can provide for her and protect

her (mostly)

• Are drawn in by values and characteristics

• Like to be good supporters

Men (cave men):

• Like to provide

• Like to protect

• Like the thrill of the chase

• Need show their strength and confidence

• Need to read signals so they can take the best action

• Need to know it is safe to approach

• Like to be appreciated

• Like to feel needed

• Need to be supported

• Want to be your hero


Body Language & FlirtingBody Language & FlirtingBody Language & FlirtingBody Language & Flirting

When you are ready and willing to put your relationship goal out there, you want to

focus on utilizing OPEN BODY LANGUAGE. When your body language is open people will naturally feel comfortable to approach you or respond to your invitation

to communicate with you. So you need to know the signals of flirting, don’t you?

Flirting initially begins with:

• Eye contact

• A flooding smile

• Projecting an air of confidence, and

• Using open body language

Eye contact

Give the amount of eye contact that makes others feel comfortable. Be aware that

lookers give more credibility than non-lookers. You can also use smiling eyes or

‘bedroom’ eyes to help you kick off a night of fun and laughter. How do you get them?

• Having sexy thoughts (it is true, but only with playful

thoughts not those other naughty thoughts, ok)

• Feeling proud

• Admiring the person you are looking at

Smile

Your smile is the gateway to others. Practice it in the mirror until you love it!

☺.

The person you want to approach will want to know that you admire them and

you can show them this through your smile and your eyes.

Confidence or “air”

When you spot someone you are attracted to you will automatically change

your stance. The ‘power posture’ is one that gets attention quickly. You have

the fun, sexy, playful spirit, and you have your shoulders back and you hold

your head level so that you are almost stretching yourself. You can imagine

there is a piece of thread or a beam pulling you up from your chest bone, up

all the way to sky or the stars. A soft smile will ALWAYS be on your dial as

your stand or walk this way. Try it and see for yourself. ☺


Communication

Every physical movement is a scene from your thoughts. You simply cannot

think something without your ‘NON-VERBAL’ language broadcasting it. So

you must have the right attitude – ALWAYS. What you think is projected out

there for all to see. People may not know exactly what your thoughts are but

they will know if it is positive and welcoming or negative and fearful.

Open body language (ATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOUR) means you:

• Turn your body towards the person you are interested in but

slightly off centre

• Make eye contact with admiring eyes – for a little longer than

normal but not until they step back or look down

• Smile an unrestrained smile – show your teeth

• Keep your palms open – don’t put them in your pockets, don’t

sit on them, don’t fiddle with objects, don’t touch your face,

don’t cover your mouth or eyes and don’t fold your arms.

• Remove any barriers between you and them

• Have an upright posture or air of confidence about you

• Nod your head approvingly

• Uncross your legs or arms

Communication is: 55% - body language

38% - tonality

7% - words

So it is not what you say, but how you say it that really counts. Be aware of the

tone of your voice and your posture as you talk. They should be similar to the

person you are talking to. The flirting signals you use will depend on personal preference. Everyone is different. However, there are some common interactions

that can occur naturally in humans that you should be aware of. Imagine going

another day without noticing those signals that people have been sending you but

you just didn’t know what they were on about. Maybe you still had an old belief running the show such as “people don’t approach me”, or “people don’t find me

attractive”. These will guarantee that you do not look for signals – because you are

not expecting them.


Flirting signalsFlirting signalsFlirting signalsFlirting signals bybybyby MENMENMENMEN

• They have their legs apart when they look at you (open legs shows masculinity)

• One foot is forward and in your direction whilst they are standing

• They have bedroom eyes or smiling eyes when they are looking at you

• They give you an eyebrow flash (a raised eyebrow) • They lift or tilt their sunglasses or opticals when they first

notice you • They smooth their hair or brush their hair back • They place a hand on their hip or hips as you walk

towards them • They smooth their clothes or straighten their collars • Seated –they straighten up when they see you and look

twice at you with a smile • They look you up and down

Flirting signals byFlirting signals byFlirting signals byFlirting signals by WOMENWOMENWOMENWOMEN

• They have bedroom eyes (feeling sexy) • They give you a second glance • They give you’re an eyebrow flash • They extend a leg slightly outwards • They subtly nod • They try not to let a cheeky smile appear on their face • They blush when they notice you looking • They look you up and down • They lick their lips • They pout their lips • They expose their wrists • They play with their hair • They toss their heads as they raise a shoulder when you look

at them • They smooth their clothes • Seated – they dangle their shoe • Seated – they uncross their legs • They face you as they are talking to someone else, looking at

you from the corner of their eye • They roll their hips • They protrude their breasts coyly

So men, learn all about a lady’s flirting signals and believe anything is possible, look up and into their beautiful faces and you will never miss another opportunity for love again.

So ladies, learn all about a man’s flirting signals and believe anything is possible, look up and into their handsome faces and you will never miss another opportunity for love again.


RRRRapport apport apport apport buildingbuildingbuildingbuilding

When you have rapport with someone the words will flow a whole lot better – I promise! So you have a very good reason to pay attention to this section and practice your rapport building skills each and every day. The people you are talking to will be noticing your BODY LANGUAGE mostly. They notice how you say things, and in fact it is far more important than what you say. The communication between two people is mostly a transference of signals, tones in your voices and responses. If the other person feels comfortable with your body language and how you come across, they are more likely to trust you from the start. Rapport is created by using all levels of communication to create a ‘bond’ of familiarity with a person (or group). It is an actual state of trust and responsiveness. The key to creating rapport is to match and mirror the other person so subtly and undetectably that the other person can only recognize the similarity subconsciously. Deep rapport makes the communicator especially persuasive on both a conscious and unconscious level. Your conversations will flow when you have rapport, especially when you only have good intentions. As long as you only use rapport building with the good intention of creating a win/win outcome, only good can come of it.

Getting into rapport:

Subtly match and mirror their:

• Posture • Gestures • Facial expressions • Tempo or energy • Tonality of voice

Focus on them – make them feel comfortable

Listen and be interested! Pay attention to their body language so that you can read them and know when they are getting bored or particularly eager and flirty….you wouldn’t want to miss anything, would you?


As I have mentioned earlier, there will be times when other people really aren’t out to socialize or meet new people. In these instances it is very important to read their signals, but don’t take it personally.

POSSIBLE ‘NOT NOW’ SIGNALS you may receive that will have your rapport broken:

• Looking disinterested or bored • Yawning • Crossed arms • Avoiding eye contact • Moving away as you get closer • Looking over your shoulder to someone else • Glancing around the room • Looking down, fidgeting • The “back off buddy” stare

So this leaves us with WHAT TO SAY??? If you have read their body

language correctly and you got the ‘ok’ and you have approached them or

they have approached you the main thing you need to focus on next is THEM

and being PRESENT. Get into rapport as quickly as possible and ever so

subtly.

One of the few things that leave a person lost for words is anxiety.

Anxiousness of not believing you will know what to say is what actually

creates the problem in the first place. Don’t go there! Go back through this

workbook and repeat the Self-love exercises again and again. Do the beliefs exercise too? Count the years since you first learnt how to talk. NOTE: The

biggest cause of anxiety is NOT DOING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, FOR

YOUR OWN GOOD. Putting off learning and practicing how to flirt and build relationships may actually cause you anxiety. Worry gives a small thing a

big shadow.

There is no point in approaching someone if you don’t know how to truly

listen. To practice listening you need to: BE QUIET AND BE CURIOUS!

Parroting what the other person says is a powerful way of demonstrating your listening skills in fact…but you need to use this technique rarely.


Making aMaking aMaking aMaking a connection and connection and connection and connection and conversation openersconversation openersconversation openersconversation openers

•••• (Males & females) - Make eye contact with them a little longer than you would with other people. Then, look away and quickly recap in your mind

what you noticed about them – then look back at them again with a soft

smile.

•••• (Males & females) - Mouth the word “Hi” as you smile at them, and be bold

enough to signal some kind of approval of them. You may raise your

eyebrows, or look at their outfit quickly and nod as you do this…You can also mouth the word “WOW”. It would be advisable to look away and

regain your posture as you plan to intensify the connection between you.

•••• (Males) - You want to approach, right? So notice anything unique or amazing about them or on them, such as a stylish belt; amazing hair style,

a hat; fancy bag; gorgeous shoes etc. Make a mental note as you start to

walk their way, with that air of confidence and curiosity.

•••• (Males) - When you get to their side (stand a little off to one side of them,

but not directly in front of them). Say “Hi (again), I’m…………”. Maintain

your smile and eye contact, and put your hand out to shake theirs, IF that

feels like a good thing to do. If you do and they are a little taken-a-back by the attention, guide your eyes carefully towards your touching hands.

Pause for them to give you their name in response. Always keep a

beaming smile and think of only them, as if they are the only people in the room.

•••• (Females) – If a guy has got you thinking that you really want to meet him,

and then subtly manoeuvre yourself so that your body is facing towards him. You might want to be looking elsewhere as you make this

manoeuvre. Then, look back into his eyes and let a soft, cheeky smile

creep over your face (it can be in a coy way – they love this kind of

playfulness). Give a very subtle nod as you keep the eye contact…..then

looking away, play with your hair or straighten your clothing…feeling

playful and sexy…pause. You need to pause so that you allow the man to

be the chaser (a vital dynamic). You need to let them know you want them to approach you.

•••• (Males & Females) – Once you are standing by their side, it is important to

notice their body language, tone and pitch of their voice, and posture. Subtly adjust yours accordingly as you make a mental note of their name.


•••• At this time there is usually a small silence, and this is a great time to be

preparing your compliment, next sentence, or open-ended question.

Suggestions:

“You are the pretties girl in the room” “Where do you do your clothes

shopping…you look wonderful”

“What is that brings you out tonight?” “I don’t usually flirt like I am right

now…how about you…?”

•••• (Males & Females) - If you are at a party you can ask how they know the host - to see if you have any mutual friends in common or something of

interest to talk about.

•••• (Males & Females) - You can stay close and eavesdrop and begin a conversation with ’I think I heard that you are in to……” Then apologise

for listening in and explain it was because you were attracted to them and

just waiting to say hi.

•••• (Males & Females) - Don’t ask probing questions about career or their

financial situation – its way to personal, and you havent earned that right

as yet.

•••• (Males & Females) - Never judge them.

•••• (Males & Females) - Use humour or laughing at yourself to relax the other

person. E.g. If you stumble as you walk their way, you HAVE TO laugh at

yourself before others do. You could be bold and open your conversation

and build a great connection by saying, “That was your fault….(cheeky

grin on your face!), because I was in such a hurry to grab your attention. Is that ok with you??”

•••• (Males & Females) - LISTEN!! – if you listen as they talk, you will

ALWAYS have something else to add to the conversation. You can often uncover what they do for fun, why they are here, how interested they are

in you and what else they like or do.


EXERCISE 7 Developing my Fabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous FlirtFabulous Flirt style

What three flirting signals do you want to improve or begin to use to help you

have more fun when you are flirt or socializing? Go through list on the

previous pages and image yourself using each of the techniques. You will

easily be able to identify 3 signals that will best suit your style and personality.

Note down what signals you are going to use and how you will apply them, in your own way;

1. ________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

2. ________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________


How will you go about getting practice? Write down three places or events that you WILL

attend this coming fortnight or month…but not a day longer! (Include what, when, how and

why you are going to go there, etc)

1. ________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Date planned: ____________________

2. ________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Date planned: ____________________

3. ________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Date planned: ____________________


Each fortnight or month you can either revisit these events or places or find new ones. It is

sometimes good to get familiar with your surroundings so you might like to find your 3 favorite places or events, frequent them often, before changing them. Also, if someone has

been noticing you at any of the venues and seem the type that will take their time before they

approach you, do yourselves a favour and return often until you make that connection. Of

course you will never know if they are going to be there again, so you don’t wait too leave it too long to send your signals or to approach them. This is a classic example of having to

JUST DO IT some times and to allow yourself to BE BOLD.

It is always a good idea to keep a journal of your dating experiences

and with the intention to learn positive lessons from every experience

and to become a better and more Fabulous Flirt!

GOOD LUCK…HAVE FUN…….AND BE PROUD OF YOURSELF…ALWAYS.

Sandy EwingSandy EwingSandy EwingSandy Ewing Life & Love Coach


ResourcesResourcesResourcesResources

“The Secret” – A DVD about the Law of Attraction – available for hire in video shops “The Secrets of Attraction”, a great book by Sandra Anne Taylor “10 Secrets of Abundant Happiness”, a great book by Adam Jackson “The Definitive Book of Body Language”, by Alan & Barbara Pease “How to Talk To Anyone”, by Leil Lowndes Social websites: www.meetup.com (my favourite…ask me why..) www.rsvp.com.au www.eharmony.com

You are welcome to contact me and let me know how you get on. Maybe your success or

how you overcame a barrier can help others too. I would love to hear from you soon….

[email protected]

www.lifecoachingmelbourne.com.au

NOTE: This handbook is an ideal supplement to a coaching program. Combine the two together and you will fast-track your way to finding love. Your coaching program can be designed to incorporate a ‘wingman’ approach or purely 1:1 coaching sessions. How many sessions are right for you? I can answer that in a 1:1 initial consultation and planning session. This initial consultation is currently just $185 for 1 /2 hours, (incl GST), plus workbooks, as required. Further sessions, in a café near you (Melbourne metro) are currently $165 per hour.

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