the writers room [third draft]

8/12/2019 The Writers Room [Third Draft]

1/40

The ? shows other unnamed writers that have no story importance

On the snack table, there is a microwave, coffee machine, and snackssuch as bagels and muffins.


2/40

THE WRITERS ROOM

Written by

Philip Thompson


3/40

COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

EXT. CITY STREETS - DAY1 1

David, man in late thirties wearing a suit is biking down thestreet.

INT. WRITERS ROOM - DAY2 2

There are 9 writers in the room, including Alan, Claudia,Ronald, Steven, and Oliver

ALAN, man in late twenties, is half-jewish and half-arabicand wears a flannel and bow tie. He is on his phone.

CLAUDIA, woman in late twenties, is wearing casual clothing.

RONALD, man in late twenties, wearing a sweatshirt and jeans.He is black.

OLIVER, man in early thirties, is British and wears glassesand sweater vest

Ronald writeslyrics on paper, gets up and glares at Claudia.She notices, and he goes back to writing

DAVID TALKING HEAD3 3

DAVIDSo this is like a documentary forthe DVD? What do I- I just talk?Okay... well I ride my bike to workevery morning because its healthy,economical, and helps theenvironment. The big three. My ex-wife actually took my car in thesettlement, so its- its the bigfour. Well the big three and thesmaller one.


David enters the scene with his bike, sweaty

DAVIDSorry Im late. You do know thatyou can start when Im not here,right?


4/40

STEVENUs? Work? Thats your job.

ALANOoooohhhhh! -- Nice one Steven!

DAVID

Hey, come on guys.

STEVENI mean come on, youre alreadyasking for me to show up, you wantme to work too? No thanks!

DAVIDYou work here. You are supposed towork. Should I eve-

STEVENShut up, just- Just shut up, okay?

Am I right guys?

Steven sees how uncomfortable everybody is, and beginslaughing

RONALD(Quiet)

Correct me if Im wrong, but Idont think you could say that.Unless hes like- Hitler. Wait aminute...

DAVID

(To Steven)Can I speak to you? In my office?

STEVEN(To the rest of the group)

Ill be outta here in 5 minutes.

INT. DAVIDS OFFICE - DAY5 5

David is seen yelling at STEVEN through the blinds

INT. WRITERS ROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY6 6

ALANWhat do you think is going tohappen? I cant lose this job,like, I cant.

2.


5/40

OLIVERAm I sensing sexual tension betweenthe two of them?

Smiles eerily

CLAUDIA

No. Wha- No- Is that even aquestion?

OLIVERI dont know, is it?

Steven and David come out of the office

Steven collects his things and exits the scene

RONALDIs he a fortune teller? Hes gone!

OPENING CREDITS

3.


6/40


7/40

RILEYYeah... Id be like... working...and.... you know... serving theman...

ALANKeep talking.

RILEYWha?

ALANDude come on, I just think thatthis would be beneficial for yourstay in my apartment.

RILEYOur.

ALAN

No, its our when you pay rent.Or bills.

RILEYWait... didnt you say thatsomebody got fired yesterday? Atyour job thingy...

ALANNo! No no no no no no no!

RILEYWha?

ALANYou cant work at my job!

RILEYWhat do you do again?

ALANYou dont even know what I do!

RILEYWell I guess I can just sit

around.... And.... Play videogames....

ALANFine!

RILEYWait so seriously... what do youdo... again?

5.


8/40


Ronald, Claudia, Oliver, and 4 other writers are sitting atthe table

Ronald is sitting next to Claudia, doing a hand trick

RONALDAlright ready?

CLAUDIAYeah.

RONALDPut their hands together as ifyoure about to clap.

CLAUDIAOkay.

She follows.

Ronald puts his hands around her hands.

RONALDNow push against your hands as hardas you can.

Ronald pushes his hands back together as hard as he can, andthen stops pushing.

RONALD (CONTD)Now you should feel a bubble

through your hands.CLAUDIA

Oh my god that is so cool how youcam do that!

RONALDYeah... yeah I guess it is...

Oliver looks at the two of them, and smiles creepily into thecamera, and slowly nods his head

RONALD TALKING HEAD9 9

RONALDDo I like Claudia? Yeah, as afriend, yeah.

(MORE)

6.


9/40

Like, shes kind of like the light,in this abyss of my world rightnow, like after getting kicked outof comedy clubs for heckling to theaudience, you know I hit rockbottom.

INT. COMEDY CLUB - STOCK FOOTAGE - NIGHT10 10

The image quality is low, a little bit better than a VHStape.

Ronald is doing standup comedy.

RONALDAnd so I was like--

AUDIENCE MEMBERHey get off the stage!

RONALDLook at this guy! Hey nice shirt.Did your mom pick it out for you?Huh? How long did it take her toiron, weirdo? This isnt a blacktie event!

CUT TO:

Ronald is pacing around the stage, angry

RONALD (CONTD)(Extremely emotional)I HATE ALL OF YOU! I HATE YOU, ANDYOU, AND YOU! I HOPE EVERY ONE OFYOU DIE IN CAR ACCIDENTS!

CUT TO:

Ronald is sitting and rocking back and forth cross legged onstage, crying

RONALD (CONTD)I dont even know who I am

anymore.... It all started when Iwas six, and the kid across thestreet pushed me off the swings! Isaid stop, but he got on andstarted swinging! GET OFF THESWINGS JOE! I TOLD YOU THOSE ARE MYSWINGS, JOE! MY SWINGS!

(Breaks down crying)I hate myself!

RONALD (CONT'D)

7.


10/40


RONALDThen I somehow got a spot on theshow, and met Claudia, and itsbeen great... And I just told mylife story to a camera in under a

minute.


Alan and Riley enter the scene

ALANAnd this is where I write.

RILEYGood, good, goo-

Riley and Claudia see each other

Riley has a wide mouth and looks into the camera

CLAUDIAOh no.

RILEYOh yes.

RONALDShoot, I knew I shouldve went tothe meeting last week. Im so out

of sync.

ALANLike-- Whats going on here?

RILEYWe banged.

CLAUDIAOh my god...

RILEYWhat? Honest Abe.

RONALDI thought his name was Riley! Whathappened in that meeting?

ALANThis is getting interesting. I needto get my popcorn on!

8.


11/40

Alan sits down, pulls out popcorn from under his seat, andsmiles into the camera.

ALAN TALKING HEAD13 13

ALAN

I have popcorn for like, everyplace. Under my desk, under my bed,you know, you never know whentheres going to be a good story, agood movie, and its nice to havebuttered popcorn along for theride.


ALAN(Eating popcorn)

This is gun be good.

OLIVERYeah! Do you have any... stories?Of you and Claudia... Shagging?

ALAN(Quiet)

Who are you, Austin Powers?

Oliver tries to grab some popcorn but Alan smacks his hand

Riley sits down in Stevens old seat. This is now Rileys

permanent seat.

RILEYOh yeah. I have stories. Storieswhere you will be like... Whaaaa?No! Wha?

He then tenses up and gets nervous

RILEY (CONTD)Wait no whats going on where am I?WHATS HAPPENING? Oh! Im in Alanswriters room. Dont worry guys

were all good.

OLIVEROkay I dont know who your dealeris, but tell him to give me a call.

RONALDMaybe we should get to work.

9.


12/40

CLAUDIAYeah, I think-

ALANAfter the story.

OLIVER

Continue my good sir!

Riley smiles into the camera

RILEY TALKING HEAD15 15

RILEYIs this what we get to do? All day?Every day? And we get paid? I lovethis job!

INT. WRITERS ROOM - DAY16 16David enters the scene with his bike, sweaty

DAVIDYou guys ready to work?

TEMP enters the scene

TEMPDavid Berman? Were having actorproblems again.

DAVIDPerfect, just what I need.

David exits the scene

RONALDWait why would you need- Oh I getit.

Riley nods his head in agreement

INT. STUDIO BACKSTAGE - DAY17 17

David runs in

DAVIDOh god, what is the problem thistime?

10.


13/40

TEMPHes not coming out of his dressingroom.

MICHAEL (O.S.)YOU BLEEP* BLEEP* ARE GOING TO DIE!

DAVIDMichael relax... let me in.

MICHAEL (O.S.)No!

DAVIDMichael!

MICHAEL (O.S.)I cant hear you! Lalalalalalalala!

DAVID

(While Michael ischattering)Michael. Michael. Give me 5minutes.

MICHAEL (O.S.)No!

DAVIDMichael I swear to god!

MICHAEL (O.S.)Screw you!

DAVIDOkay fine.

David walks away

MICHAEL (O.S.)David? David? What the hell! Youreleaving me? DAVID?

Michael opens the door

David turns around and walks into

INT. MICHAELS DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS - DAY18 18

DAVIDMichael, whats going on?

11.


14/40

MICHAELCan you believe this? They want meto wear a dress in this scene!

DAVIDHey, I think it will be funny.

MICHAELI dont do physical comedy!

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD19 19

Michael Ford, early fifties, wearing a sportscoat his butlerobviously picked out for him

MICHAELYeah, I was famous for doingphysical comedy in the 70s and 80s.

INT. OLD TV SHOW SET - STOCK FOOTAGE

The image quality is low, a little bit better than a VHStape.

The year is 1979, Michael is in his early thirties

MICHAELThanks for coming down to theMichael Ford show!

Michael slips on a banana peel

MICHAEL (CONTD)Whoopsies!

The audience dies with laughter

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD

MICHAELBut I got sick of being in thefame, so I left and found myself. Icoasted off the islands of Belize,and lived with the Natives. Goodpeople. But then money got tightand I came back to fame in my ownTV show. But I can not deal withthese people. In Belize, we had asaying. Babacoa Zu. Meaning: Onedoes not walk in the light withoutshadow.

(MORE)

12.


15/40

I am starting to think now thatmaybe I was not in Belize. Wherewas I...

INT. MICHAELS DRESSING ROOM20 20

DAVIDWhat? You dont do physical comedy?What are you talking about?

MICHAELI am physically over physical come-

(pause)I am over physical comedy. I can doso much more.

DAVIDI see.

MICHAELI can make subtle jokes now.

DAVIDRight. The thing is, the network isreally pushing for physical comedy,as it can reach such a wideraudience, so that is what Imtrying to go for. So-

MICHAELBut Dave! Im smart! I went to atwo-year college in Connecticut!

They specialized in Birdhousemaking! I can make birdhouses,Dave! Birdhouses!

DAVIDRight. So how about you wear thedress, and I can make subtlejokes. But please, stick to thescript.

MICHAELThanks. You know, you are the onlyone in this dump that understands

me. Why dont we hang out more?

DAVIDBecause you hat-

MICHAELWe should hang out more.

MICHAEL (CONT'D)

13.


16/40

DAVIDI would like that.


DAVID

I would definitely not like tospend any more time than iphysicaly have to. Literally theyare paying me to interact with thisman.


Riley is telling stories to the writers, Alan is eatingpopcorn, and Claudia and Ronald are shown to be veryuncomfortable

RILEYAnd so I said to Claudia: I willstick it anywhere, but not there!

ALANOoohhhhh!

OLIVEROh snapple!

ALAN(Quiet)

Why do you have to ruin everything

Oliver....

CLAUDIAOkay I think thats enough-

ALANNooo!

Begins chanting

ALAN (CONTD)(Chanting)

One more story! One more story!

The other writers join in, in exception of Claudia and Ronald

Claudia looks into the camera

14.


17/40

CLAUDIA TALKING HEAD23 23

CLAUDIAWhy did I date Riley? Well letssee, I was young... and.... Well...Yes I do realize that nothing I saywill redeem myself from this fact

from now on, so just bear with me.I had a weird phase in my lifewhere I would smoke pot, and I dyedmy hair, and wore all black, and sowhat goes with all of that? Astoner boyfriend. Eventually mybrother died, and I got rid of allof that and moved to New York tobecome a comedian. It hasntexactly worked like I wanted itto... but umm... I think I amrealizing that I need to beassertive...

INT. WRITERS ROOM - NIGHT24 24

The writers are packing up and leaving the room

ALANGood work today guys!

RONALDYeah.... Good work......

RILEY

And tomorrow well get to the goodstuff!

RONALDOh no.

ALANHell yeah!


Everybody else is packing up and leaving in the background

ALANI am really liking Riley now.Hanging out with him today has madelife great. And I should know,because I went through two bowls ofpopcorn today. It was a good day.Like when Luke Skywalker destroyedthe death star-- never mind.

(MORE)

15.


18/40

(To everybody else)Wait up guys!

Alan exits the scene

ACT TWO


Michael is walking through the studio, with a smile on hisface

MICHAELWhat a wonderful day.

Michael walks past an overweight man

MICHAEL (CONTD)Whoa! Somebodys been having too

many late night McDonalds! Am Iright? You fat!(Laughing)

Classic.

Michael walks past RONALD

RONALDHey Mr. Ford. You ready for theshow?

MICHAELYeah, not unless you steal it

first!RONALD

What?

MICHAELIn the hood. With your hood gangs.


MICHAELSee? Subtle.

INT. STUDIO BACKSTAGE28 28

MICHAELNever mind, you ruined my perfectlygood joke.

ALAN (CONT'D)

16.


19/40

RONALDShould I be offended?

MICHAELJust go.

Ronald and Michael keep moving along in opposite directions

Michael walks past Claudia

Michael whistles

MICHAEL (CONTD)(Singing)

I like big butts and I can not lie!

Claudia looks into the camera, MICHAEL smiles into the camera

David walks by

MICHAEL (CONTD)David! My man!

DAVIDHey Michael. Good day today?

MICHAELGood day, good day.

DAVIDHows it going?

MICHAEL

Fine.Michael pulls keys out of his pocket and gives them to David

MICHAEL (CONTD)Oh and I heard about your wifetaking the car after the divorce.Brutal. Well I bought you a car.For your good service here.

DAVIDWhat? No, I cant accept this-

MICHAELTake it. It came from the good ofmy heart.

David smiles

17.


20/40


DAVIDI think the talk that I had withhim really changed him. I think Ihave some reason for living now.Well I have my son...

(Sighs)


DAVIDOh my god thank you!

MICHAELNo problem. Because were friends.

DAVIDRight. Friends.

They shake hands


DAVIDFor the first time in my life,things actually are working out forme. Somethings wrong.


Alan, Claudia, Ronald, Riley, Oliver, and 4 other writers areat the table

ALANDid anybody watch Rick and Mortylast night?

RONALDDude I love that show!

CLAUDIAIsnt that the Adult Swim show? Isthat any good?

RONALDIts great. Unless you hate it.Because then I hate it, or--

(Sees snack table)Is that a new microwave?

Ronald gets up and starts playing with the microwave

18.


21/40

David enters the scene

Ronald sits back down

DAVIDHey guys!

RILEYHi.

DAVIDOh you must be the new guy! Hi I amDavid Berman.

RILEYRiley... Riley....

Rileys eyes widen and looks into the camera


RILEY(Panicked)

Whats my last name?


DAVIDWell work on it.

RILEY

Thank you!DAVID

I like you. I like you alot. I likeyou so much that you know what youare promoted to my #2!

ALANWhat? David! Ive wanted that jobfor years!

DAVIDWell I think that Riley has the

ingenuity and integrity that thisshow needs. You gave me hisapplication, right?

ALANYes...

19.


22/40

DAVID(Pulling out application)

This says that he is a practicaljoker, has not had a single job inall of his life, smoked enoughmarijuana to get himself kicked outof Harvard, and did comedy improv

while being homeless because hethought that, and I quote Youspend money to make money, and I amspending all of it.

Riley laughs and nods

RILEYClassic Riley.

RONALDWait a minute...

CLAUDIAWhat brings you in a good mood?

DAVIDHow about you take a look at this.

David slides his new keys across the table

CLAUDIAYou got a new car?

DAVIDAsk Michael Ford.

ALANMichael Ford got you a new car? Hewouldnt even help fund my newclothing line--

Looks at the camera

ALAN (CONTD)#AlanStyle!

CLAUDIAOh my god...


ALAN#AlanStyle was a clothing line Icame up with while getting readyfor Comic-Con.

(MORE)

20.


23/40

I was trying to be Matt Smith, butthen I was like, wait, if I put alittle bit of pizazz on it andboom. #AlanStyle. Wait no I didntmean Comic-Con. I meant...


RONALDWell while Michael was giving outcomplementary cars, he was beingracist! I think. The hood is black,right?

CLAUDIAYeah and he was also being sexist.

DAVIDWhat? I thought we talked about

this... I have to go talk to him.You guys can start writing withoutme.

RILEYWait a minute... I get paid more...to sit around and tell Claudiastories? Alan, why didnt you tellme about this sooner?

OLIVEROh yes, back to the stories! Alan,popcorn?

ALANYou dont get any popcorn, Oliver!

RILEYOkay, well this one time, I wassitting with Claudia, and (ad-libbing)

Ronald gets up and exits, and Alan notices

INT. STUDIO - DAY37 37

Michael is wearing a dress on a fake TV show set

David enters the scene

MICHAELHey D-Man!

ALAN (CONT'D)

21.


24/40

DAVIDWhat the hell? Ive heard somecomplaints that you were harassingpeople? I thought we had a talk,you cant do these sort of things!

MICHAEL

Come on David, its us! We alwayshave our antics!

DAVIDWhat antics?

MICHAELYou know.

DAVIDI really dont.


David shrugs


Michael nods his head and smiles


DAVIDJust behave. Okay?

MICHAELWell see.

DAVIDOkay. Wait- ugh.


INT. WRITERS ROOM - AFTERNOON41 41

Riley is telling stories, Oliver and the 4 other writers are

listening, Claudia is uncomfortable, and Alan is distracted

ALANHey where did Ronald go?

CLAUDIAI dont know. Im going to findhim.

22.


25/40

Claudia gets up and exits

ALANYeah Im going to go too!

OLIVERWell I guess more stories for me!

Continue Riley-

RILEYShut up Oliver.

Riley gets up and puts his stuff in his new office, which isnext to Davids, slouches in his chair, and lights a joint


Michael is in a dress on a fake TV show set, David iswatching the show

DIRECTOROkay, action!

MICHAEL(Reading from script)

Wearing this dress will help me geta loan! Boobies!

(Looks up)Hey this isnt subtle! Not subtleat all! David we had an agreement!

DAVID

Just stick to the script Michael.

MICHAELNo! No I am not! I am not stickingto the script! I am not! No! No Nono!

DAVIDMichael. Please.

Michael repeatedly looks at the script and at DAVID

Michael takes a deep breath, and begins screaming extremely

racist, sexist, and inappropriate words that will censored,while going around and disrupting production such as throwingchairs and breaking cameras

Michael sees what he has done, and runs out of the studio

David looks at his watch

23.


26/40

DAVID (CONTD)9:00 on a Tuesday.

ACT THREE

EXT. ROOF - NIGHT44 44

Ronald is sitting on the top of the building in a lawn chairwith a sparkler

Alan enters the scene

ALANHey.

RONALDHey Alan... How did you know I washere?

ALANIve seen you go up here before.

RONALDOh. Here, I have another chair.

Alan pulls up another chair and sits down

ALANSo you like her?

RONALDI think so.

ALANAre you going to ask he-

RONALDI dont know. I dont think shelikes me back.

ALANDo you know?

They sit in silence

ALAN (CONTD)Hey, so Captain Kirk, or CaptainPicard?

RONALDYou go first.

ALANWell it depends.

24.


27/40

RONALDOn what?

ALANKirk, when I need a wingman.

RONALD

And Picard?

ALANPlaying penuchle or, going to war.You?

RONALDPicard.

ALANAlways? I guess you dont get outmuch.

ALAN (CONTD)Really? Id say Kirk.

RONALDWhy werent we friends before?

Alan shrugs

ALANHey Ill try to talk to Riley.

RONALDId rather you not.

ALANIts fine.

RONALDWhy exactly are you and Rileyroommates?

ALANWe were roommates in Harvard. Eventhough he smoked his way throughhigh school, His dad was in thefurniture business, and so his

parents were multi-millionares andhe got in. He didnt go to anyclasses, and eventually he gotkicked out in junior year.

They begin laughing

25.


28/40

RONALDReally?

ALANYeah. I have no idea what he didafter that, but last year he movedinto my apartment because his

parents cut him off. Hes not ajerk. Hes just misunderstood.

RONALDYeah. I get it. Man if my familywas rich... Hey what would you dowith a million dollars?

ALANMove to LA and party with Kim andKanye. And then spend the rest oncomic books. What about you?

RONALDPay somebody to turn my skin intolike sweet dough. And then Id justeat myself.

ALANOf course you would eat yourself.What else is there to life?

RONALDReally nothing.


RONALDAlans cool. Wait... am I sure thatwe were talking about the same girlin the beginning...?

Turns around and runs to Alan

RONALD (CONTD)Alan! Alan!


David enters

DAVIDOkay guys, were having someproblems but-

26.


29/40

David sees that Ronald and Alan are gone, Riley is in hisoffice, and alot of the writers went home

DAVID (CONTD)Where is everybody?

CLAUDIA

Alot of people left.

DAVIDOkay you know what? Im done. Imdone with this crap. Im not comingback to this dumb job.

CLAUDIAWhat? Why?

DAVIDNobody wants to work, and I amtired of pushing people to work. If

they arent going to, well thatsfine by me.

David grabs his coat and his bike

DAVID (CONTD)Dont forget to lock the door onyour way out. I am going to go dropoff these keys to Michael.

CLAUDIAGoodbye David!

DAVIDSee ya.

David bikes off of the scene

INT. RILEYS OFFICE - NIGHT47 47

Riley is playing guitar, actually pretty well

RILEY(Singing)

I like hot ladies/I like them alot/I like them more than cookies

Claudia enters the room

CLAUDIAHey youre a jerk, you know that?

27.


30/40

RILEYWha?

CLAUDIAYou didnt have to say all thatstuff about me. Now everybody knowsabout my sex life.

Oliver winks in the background

RILEY(murmuring)

sorry.

CLAUDIAWhat was that?

RILEY(a bit loud)

Im sorry.

CLAUDIAHm?

RILEYIm sorry!!

CLAUDIA(Closes the door)

I know!


RILEYNailed it.

INT. MICHAELS DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT49 49

Michael is sitting on his couch with a bottle of scotch

David enters the room

MICHAELIm a failure David.

DAVIDWhat? A failure? No youre not? AndAnyways, Im just here to drop offthese keys, I dont want them. Imleaving.

MICHAELDid you see what I just did?

28.


31/40

DAVIDYea--

MICHAELI destroyed the set, David. Idestroyed the set.

DAVIDI saw.

MICHAELIt just pisses me off, you know?

DAVIDWhat does?

MICHAELIts just that I have to act thisway. I have to be difficult to workwith. If I dont, Ill be the

whipping boy. Nobody will payattention to me.

DAVIDNobody paying attention to you?Michael, in all due respect, I amthe showrunner of a comedy show.Nobody cares. When people watch it,nobody will care about DavidBerman. They will think Wow,Michael Ford is such a greatactor. Its not worth it.

MICHAELYeah I thought the same way too.When I was big in the 70s, I wouldget women to sleep with me withinthe blink of an eye.

DAVIDWell it was the 70s...

MICHAELDont make shots at the 70s, kid.You had to be there to get it.

DAVIDYeah.

MICHAELBut you know what? A failure everyonce in a while is okay. It buildscharacter.

29.


32/40

DAVIDYeah okay. Well Im on my way.Goodbye Mich-

MICHAELYou know Ive been divorced 4times, Dave? 4 times. I am the

master of quitting. I even quit onmy career.

DAVIDSo Ive heard.

MICHAELThese halls, these rooms, this is aspecial place, David. The one placeI dont want to quit. Dont give upon your writers David, becauseright now, they need you more thanever. They may not know it yet, but

they do need you. Scotch?

DAVIDI dont drink. And also, See you inhell, Michael!


Michael pours himself a drink

MICHAELTo death.

EXT. CITY STREETS - NIGHT50 50

David is biking away from his troubles

He then stops and looks back

DAVIDAm I doing the right thing?

He thinks for a second

DAVID (CONTD)Yup.

David continues biking

DAVID (CONTD)(Turning around)

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

30.


33/40


David enters the scene, and everybody is sitting down andwriting together.

DAVIDHey guys.

CLAUDIAHey David, I thought you left-

DAVIDWell Im back now. Riley? Riley?

CLAUDIAHes smoking weed in his office.

DAVIDRiley!

Riley comes out of his office, high.

DAVID (CONTD)Go get Michael.

RILEYRiiight... Wait wha?

DAVIDGo get Michael.

RILEY

Cool....Riley stumbles off of the scene

Ronald and Alan enter the scene

ALANHey David.

DAVIDHey guys... where were you?

ALAN

Were were we, Ron?

Ronald stares deeply at Alan and David


Ronald is pacing around the room, extremely angry and yelling

31.


34/40

RONALDALAN KNOWS I DONT DO GOOD UNDERPRESSURE! ALAN KNOWS!!!


ALANWe were... finding inspiration forour next episode.

DAVIDRight. Just sit down.

Alan and Ronald sit down

Riley drags Michael in

MICHAELWhat the hell is going on here?

RILEYDude... I dont even know....

MICHAELWhats wrong with this guy?

He notices Rileys scent, then smiles and nods

DAVIDBoth of you sit down.

They sit down, Michael sits down in the empty seat next tothe seat Riley always sits at. This empty seat is nowMichaels permanent seat.

CLAUDIAWhats the deal, David?

RONALDWho died?

Ronald begins to weep

RONALD (CONTD)

Dont tell me. Okay tell me. Waitdont.

DAVIDNobodys dead!

RILEYHey man... you never know...

32.


35/40

MICHAELI like this new guy.

CLAUDIAHe gets old. Fast.

Everybody agrees

RONALDWere talking about Riley, right?

RILEYWait... You are?

ALANNo.

RILEYOh... okay.

RONALDSo are we sure nobodys dead,because--

DAVIDEVERYONE PLEASE! I called all ofyou together for a reason. We alldo work, yes, but we dont worktogether. We dont work as a team.Builders build skyscraperstogether. They dont do it alone,for if they did, nothing would get

done. When N Sync broke up and JCChasez tried to have a solo career,it failed. Do you know why itfailed? Because being together isbetter alone.

CLAUDIAUmm David? How cliched is thisgoing to get?

ALANYeah, and Justin Timberlake is amassive hit so that last argument

is invalid!

Everyone agrees

RONALDI met Justin Timberlake once. Waitnever mind.

33.


36/40

DAVIDRonald. You need to learn how togrow up and take things like a man.You made some mistakes, but youmust go with it. You arent ateenager anymore, its time tomature. Riley, you need to do some

maturing too. But you know what,you have promise. Thats why Ipromoted you on your first day,its why I even considered hiringyou. You have potential, just getoff the pot and get work done. Justlike Michael. You need to learn howto go with other peoplesdecisions, even if you dontexactly agree with it. Sometimesyou have to go with other peoplesintentions. Learn how to quietdown. Unlike you Claudia, because

you need to learn how to speak yourmind. If you stay silent and gowith everything without sayinganything, I guarantee that you willwake up twenty years from now andthink, what the hell have I beendoing? And finally, Alan. Donthide who you are. If people dontlike the real you, then screw em.They arent worth your time, theyarent worth anyones time. We areall small, broken pieces of a large

puzzle, but together, we make amasterpiece. Now we all need towork together as a team to make agreat show. That is why I wantMichael here, whenever he is notfilming, he is here, with thewriters.

MICHAELI never agreed to this!

DAVIDI dont care. Thats the rule. We

are a team, and need to startacting like that.

Ronald begins to cry again

RONALDHere comes the waterworks... youson of a gun David you did itagain...

34.


37/40


38/40

We have time to grow, to change, todevelop, over the course of thisseason.--

While David is giving the V.O., Ronald is laughing withClaudia, and David is watching his writers watch the show


DAVID(Continuing from the V.O.)

This is only the beginning.

DAVID (V.O.) (CONT'D)

36.


39/40

TAG

EXT. ROOF - NIGHT57 57

Ronald and Alan are eating cookies on lawnchairs

ALANGood cookies.

RONALDThanks. Chocolate chip.

ALANReally? I cant taste it.

RONALDWhat, are you a dog?

ALAN

Dogs cant taste chocolate?

RONALDThose poor dogs.

ALANWait a minute.

RONALDWhats up?

ALAN

I think dogs die.RONALD

WHAT?

ALANYeah I think when they eatchocolate, they die.

RONALD(Packing up his stuff andgetting ready leave)

JESUS CHRIST I HAVE TO GO BACK TO

MY GRANDMAS HOUSE!

ALANWhat, why?

RONALDTHE DOG IS DEAD, ALAN! THE DOG ISDEAD!

37.


40/40

Ronald runs out and runs downstairs

ALANGood cookies though.

END OF SCRIPT

38.

the writers room [third draft]

Documents