the wordpress hacker's guide to the \galaxy() [@baltimore php]

$: The WordPress Hacker's Guide to the \Galaxy() [@Baltimore PHP]$
The WordPress Hacker’s Guide to the \Galaxy()

Wednesday, February 20, 13

The Person Who Is Interested In Learning More About PHP

But Doesn’t Have Much Experience With Code or

Programming’s

Guide to the \Galaxy()Wednesday, February 20, 13

The WordPress Hacker’s Guide to the \Galaxy()


@rhodesjasongithub.com/jasonrhodesnotrobotic.com


uncharted backwaters

unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm

of the Galaxy

a small unregarded yellow sun

utterly insignificant little blue-green planet


PHP is popular,

and people hate it.


PHP is an embarrassment, a blight upon my craft.

It’s so broken, but so lauded by every empowered amateur who’s yet to learn anything else, as to be maddening.

PHP is an embarrassment,

http://me.veekun.com/blog/2012/04/09/php-a-fractal-of-bad-design/

so lauded by every empowered amateur who’s yet to learn anything else




When faced with either doing something nonsensical or aborting with an error, it will do something nonsensical.

There’s no clear design philosophy.

PHP takes inspiration from other languages, yet still is incomprehensible to anyone who knows those languages.

Weak typing is so complex that whatever minor programmer effort is saved is by no means worth it.

There is a whole lot of action at a distance.

The language is full of global and implicit state.

There is no threading support whatsoever.

Parts of PHP are practically designed to produce buggy code.

Your program will not blow up; it will, instead, do the wrong thing with no warning…

PHP is a community of amateurs.

This, right here, is the biggest problem with PHP: it is absolutely the blind leading the blind.

There is no way to declare a variable.

There are no references. What PHP calls references are really aliases.

Variable names are case-sensitive. Function and class names are not.

There is no module system, even for PHP code.

PHP language problems as described at http://me.veekun.com/blog/2012/04/09/php-a-fractal-of-bad-design/




PHP is a community of amateurs.


Terrible design buried under a mountain of spaghetti code

Reading through [WordPress code] is like jabbing red-hot fire pokeys into your eyes.

BEHOLD WORDPRESS, DESTROYER OF CPUS

remote shell with cms on side, aka: shit

shit plugins

WordPress is for cat pictures and diary entries.

code is crapcrapcrap

F$%@ THAT F$%@ THAT F$%@ THAT F$%@ THAT F$%@ THAT F$%@ THAT

WordPress is... just adequate

WordPress is for amateurs.

WordPress is... terrifyingly insecure.

No good default caching, it will kill your server if you don’t know what you’re doing

Stack Overflow spam questions

Not a “real” CMS and definitely not a “real” framework

WordPress problems as described by various PHP developers

A really terrible database structure


WordPress is for amateurs.


=


WORDPRESS... IS PHP!!it’s PHP eating PHP?


PHP WILL MAKE ME BETTER AT WORDPRESS?!


EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW

ABOUT ANYTHING(PHP)

WP Hacker’s Guide


LTFCL

WP Hacker’s Guide #1


Drush


INVEST IN A SAFETY NET



my-resume.docx


⌘S

my-resume.docx


my-resume.docx


my-resume.docx

⌘S


my-resume-alt-1.docx

⌘⇧S


my-resume-alt-1.docx SUCKS

CAN’T GET BACK HERE

CAN’T PUT IT BACK TOGETHER

my-resume.docx


+


FIND TRUSTED TRAVELERS



USERGROUP IRC STACK

OVERFLOW


KNOW YOUR SHIP(S)



$ brew install git


LEARN THE LANGUAGE



OOP + CALLBACKS

LEARN THE LANGUAGE


add_action(“action”, “function_name”);

CALLABLE


array($object, “method_name”)


MVCLEARN THE LANGUAGE


Model


View


xActor 1

xActor 2

xActor 3

View


Controller


<?php

mysite.com/categories/recipes


http://mysite.com/categories/recipes


mysite.com/categories/recipes




DILEARN THE LANGUAGE


MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER PLUGIN...


FATAL ERROR


To review:

LTFCLINVEST IN A SAFETY NETFIND TRUSTED TRAVELERSKNOW YOUR SHIP(S)LEARN THE LANGUAGE


GOOGLE EXISTS


YOUR CODE WILL SUCKAnd nobody will die.

(Probably.)


EVERYONE ELSE’SCODE SUCKS TOO


@rhodesjasongithub.com/jasonrhodes

Slides, notes, and bad code:notrobotic.com/talks/wpgalaxy


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