years109

SURE and CAUSE merge to form SAUCEBy Susanah Jane L. Lapa

“ONE IS BETTER than two,” said Krisya Magalones, chairperson of the Students Under Drug Reformation (SURE), sealing the merger of her party with the Conceited Action for the Underdevelopment of Students who Eat Eggs (CAUSE). The two camps are now united under the banner of SAUCE (Students Agreeing to Unite their Cravings for Eating).Since the early days of the

university, the rival parties have pitted their candidates against each other to secure the coveted positions in the Silliman University Student

Government (SUSG).“Both parties had been acting

childishly for the past years… Friends had been turning against each other. The competition had not been healthy…Our actions had been defeating the purposes of our own existence and contradicting our own slogans,” said Chairry Gumapang, CAUSE chairperson. Moved by this statement, Magalones hugged Gumapang, which rendered both emotional throughout the interview. It was revealed that the merger was

decided on the night of Sept. 30 when both chairpersons simultaneously experienced a supernatural vision that compelled them to join forces.

“I had just switched off the lights in my room and was about to take my nap when a fierce blinding light struck me down. Then a voice commanded me to cease this pointless bickering and walk the university halls holding my rival’s hand! After that, I rushed for my phone and called Chairry,” said Magalones.Gumapang reported a similar

experience. She also expressed her weariness with the rivalry. “We’re tired. We’re tired of bashing each other. We’re tired of hearing our elders fight as well. It’s time for peace. After all, we have the same goals. We might us well join forces like the Avengers and defeat the

by Kriztja Marae G. Labrador

ALL 13 DORMITORIES and cottages of the university will turn into Coeducational (co-ed) dormitories next semester, said Student Housing and Residents Division head Prince-epal Apurado. These dorms will not have dormitory curfews starting next semester.Apurado said: “Due to the

fact that a lot of dormers are transferring to boarding houses and apartments because of curfew time concerns, we have decided to remove the curfew rule in order to give our dormers more freedom to party and get drunk with coffee while studying at Escaňo. After all, all work and no play makes a Sillymanian a dull student. We will also turn the dorms into co-ed ones in order to maximize the bonding between male and female dormers.”He added that this is in line with

the university’s vision to promote camaraderie, peace and unity among the university residents through joint devotions and recreational activities. “We believe that this will make the ‘Silliman Spirit’ grow,” Apurado said.For the co-ed system, the rooms of

the dormitories will be alternated between male and female lodgers. “When we say co-ed, we don’t mean that both male and female dormers would live in the same room. We are still protecting the image of the university,” he said.Apurado also added that they

will not be implementing the dormitory rules and regulations

anymore. Drinking and smoking will now be allowed in the dormitories.He explained the new rule: “We

will now allow the residents to indulge in drinking caffeine and wearing smoking attires inside the dormitories. No more coffee limit and dress codes. The students are mature enough to take care of their palpitations. The dorm managers can participate in the fun as well. At least nobody has to hide their coffee addiction and hot fashion sense anymore.”MOONAFEEL adviser, Sir

Look-sin, also agreed with the “drinking and smoking” being allowed in the dormitories. “My boys and I will now have the

freedom to drink, be merry and be loud,” Look-sin said.He also added that dorm

managers and advisers are tired of being strict and “killjoy” about what the dormers want to do. He is happy that Apurado listened to their concerns.“I always love drinking coffee

together with my dormers; it’s better that way so that I can guide them on how to control themselves when they’re drunk. I want to teach them responsible coffee drinking habits,” Look-sin said.Moreover, Apurado said that the

implementation of the no curfew time will start on Nov. 5; dormers who also want to sleep-out will not be required to ask for permission.“It’s when a butterfly comes out

from its pupa that it sees the world. The dormers are pupas no more,” a smiling Apurado said.~

tWS business manager steals 1.2 M from budget

LIVING STATUES. Members of the Luce Auditorium Corps of Usher and Usherettes (LACUU) and Luce Auditorium Crew (LA Crew) will replace the white statues outside the Luce Auditorium starting next semester. Two LA Crew members practice for the pose. “This will make the school one of the top tourist destinations in the country,” said SU president Been Nalaya. PHOTO BY Melissa Pal

SU to open Co-ed dorms

by Jairah Sheila Joy F. Hernani

AT THE START of the closed week, the Weekly Sillimanian (tWS) staff cannot seem to close the different issues they are facing.

Last Oct. 3, the paper’s business manager, Jay-Bee Beertudazo, was declared missing. With him was 75% of tWS’s budget and four bottles of 1.5-L softdrinks.

The suspect left a note inside the tWS aquarium-shaped office saying: “Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo. Maraming snatcher. Maaagawan ka. Lumaban ka!”

Beertudazo volunteered cleaning and locking the office after the meeting held last Oct 1. One of the security guards confirmed that Beertudazo was the last student in the office at around 10 pm. When he left the premises, he was seen with a beautiful and sexy woman, wearing a Powerpuff Girl costume, whom the authorities perceive as his apprentice.

tWS Circulation Manager Jet Lee Baga said that he last met Beertudazo treating a couple of his friends to spicy tempura and silog meals near

Beernoon Hole the night after the incident.

“I invited him for the emergency meeting for the publication. He refused and said that he had to meet with some of his ‘new found friends.’ Most of his companions that time were business managers and treasurers from other organizations.”

During the meeting, Editor-in-Grief Putomaya Hahalya broke the news to the staff that their budget was stolen. Beertudazo was the chief suspect. Members of school organizations informed tWS about their treasurers and business managers who took their group’s budget as well. The victims all agreed that the robbery was a planned one and that their treasurers conspired for the crime.

Hahalya released a statement saying: “We will now be using bond papers in publishing our issues next semester. Our layout artist will now be writing the articles using her own penmanship and pasting the photos using grains of cooked rice provided by the College of Agriculture. I hope

the university will let us sign the ‘Print Now Pay Later’ program.”

However, Smart Garcia, Office of Information and Publication head responded to Hahalya’s statement: “Hindi porke’t gusto mo, makukuha mo.”

Office of Student Affairs is currently taking the case at hand. The official statement read:

“The office is currently studying the issue. Whoever knows where Beertudazo is as of the moment shall report it to the office immediately so we could make proper actions. Judging by the guard’s report (that a woman wearing a Powerpuff Girl costume accompanied Beertudazo), the suspect may now be lurking in the dark, wearing a Mojo Jojo costume.”

Organization presidents, whose treasures are also missing, joined the tWS staff yesterday in lighting their matchsticks because they think that symbolic ceremonies can help them find the culprits. They are now using matchsticks because “fireworks are too mainstream and they require a lot of students’ fines.”~

by Roselle Louise L. Publico

WITH sMARK COMMUNICATIONS’ withdrawal of support to the university’s Tartanilya project, the administration decided that the project will now be powered by students, not horses.

According to Smart Garcia, information officer, the school’s own student assistants (SAs) will be assigned the task of pulling the

carts along the roads of Dumaguete city. The new twist in the project was also inspired by the movie “Petrang Kabayo” in which Garcia’s idol, Vice-Ganda, starred in.

The office refused to disclose the conflict between SU and sMARK Communications, Inc., which sponsored the said project.

“There was a disagreement between us and sMARK, which caused them to withdraw their support in the

Tartanilya Project,” said Garcia.The horses, with its maintenance

and training, require a large amount of money, which the university cannot afford at this time. However, the administration has decided to continue but with some significant changes instead of closing the entire project down.

“Since our SAs are growing in number, we are willing to give them a try… Yes, it is a little bit risky but we

SAs replace horses for Tartanilya Project

continued on page 4

Apurado: No curfew next sem

continued on page 4FORERUNNERS OF THE WORLD. Buildings and Grounds (BG) employees demonstrate how the tartanilyas will be powered by the students starting next semester. PHOTO BY Alex Iso

TOWARDS AN AGRESSIVE CAMPUS PRESS | VOL. LXXXV NO. 09 | MONDAY, 05 OCTOBER 2012

2 twsonion the weekly sillimanian05 october 2012

Compiled by John Lee D. Limbaga

“Kung ikaw si Batman, sinong bahala sa’yo?”

Edit-THORS note: Students from the College of School Administration answers the question

“I don’t want to comment, so as not to put Batman in a bad light.”- VP Panty Low

“Why are you publishing bad news? I will call SMART Garci-a. Hello? Hello, Garci.”- Bee Gee

“Why should I answer this question? I don’t even know you.” - Ocho Room

“I don’t like your article about the Sea ice.” - Kaba Teeth

“Lie-bell. You are risking yourselves for a Lie-bell kiss.” - Lioness

**Next year’s question (from @SillimanianWoes):

“Who would you rather be trapped in an elevator with, Sir Elman or Dr. Ben? Explain. 20 points.”

You have one year to think about this. Enjoy your sem break!

Tig-BILAR mi no Maya Angelique B. JajallaMatog-less Mariella S. BustamanteOcay-ocay ko Katrin Anne A. Arcala TANgible Michiko Je M. Bito-onALCALA nyo lang wala Justin Val R. Virtudazo

KASO, CAUGHT IN THE ACT Samantha L. ColincoTu-MIRA kami Jelanie Rose T. Elvinia, Kriztja Marae G. Labrador, Susanah Jane L. Lapa, Jairah Sheila Joy F. Hernani, Roselle Louise L. PublicoBACHAha among gisulat Roberto Klemente R. Timonera, Julia Andrea C. Abrenica, Shadid R. Sidri, Royanni Miel HontucanSMILE ON, DONG! Melissa Alexandra B. Pal, Alexandra Diane L. IsoMaka-INDAB ako drawing Rea Samantha P. MigullasMaski Sino tagaan ug paper John Lee D. LimbagaDili mag-KILAT2x sa office Princess Jezrael A. FrondozoMagna-NAKAO ng tulog Federico B. Martinez VIIFALEEEER! Jae Jireh P. Nejudne

WARLITO S. CATURAY JR.

Happy World Teacher’s Day, Dear Mentors!

editorialWe speak Manilese, pare.

Tsong. Pare. Tol. Dude. Bro. Ano ba problema n’yo? Porke’t galing Manila kami, Tagalog agad? You guys serious? Naririnig n’yo ba kaming gumagamit ng mga words like salumpuwet, dalubhasaan, utoy at ineng? Nakaka-praning, men! We speak Manilese! Parang like how the Japanese and the Chinese speak Japanese and Chinese, you know. Mas sophisticated kesa Taglish pero less malandi kesa coño. Marinig n’yo lang kami sa classroom, Tagalog agad? Dude, napaka racist!

Tapos, you guys stereotype us na mayabang? Oh c’mon, silly man! Huwag n’yo nga kami nilalahat sa mga naging classmates n’yo sa Filipino na nag-talumpati on the spot kala mo kung sinong magaling basura naman ang pinagsasabi. Hindi lahat nang galing Manila are like that. Subukan n’yo pumunta ng Manila, walang magsasabing mayabang kayo. Unless mag-angas kayo dun. Good luck na lang talaga.

Tapos may naririnig pa kaming hearsay, kami daw mga taga-Manila masyadong liberated ang pag-iisip. Hello? Seriously? Have you seen how most of your chicks here dress up sa class? Eh kahit nga yun ibang chiksilog n’yo ang lakas ng loob magsuot ng kuyukot shorts. And here’s what I don’t get about your chicks pa. Mag-susuot ng mga

see-through, low V-neck, hanging, spag-strap at kahit ano pang telang nagpapakita ng skin tapos pag nakatitig na kami, bastos agad? Not that I don’t like what I usually see, pero kung magsusuot naman kayo ng rape-able na damit, panindigan n’yo naman! Yun iba pa, naka-suot ng kuyukot shorts sa class, tapos kung umupo, daig pa kaming mga lalake kung bumukaka. You waiting for a frog to enter or what?

Don’t think your boys are off the hook, bro. Huwag niyo naman araw-arawin ang shorts and slippers.

Kulang na lang mag sando kayo sa class na walang ligo. And by the way, highway, hip-hop is cool but it’s been dead for like ten years, tol. May nakikita pa ba kayong member ng Back Street Boys na may suot na baggy shorts, maluwag na shirt with matching cool caps and bling-blings?

Etong the best, pare! Kami daw mga galing Manila, mayaman! Anak naman ng isaw, tsong. Pareho lang naman peso ang currency natin ah. Sino nagsabing may Manila Dollar

na? At kahit totoong may mga mayaman nga na galing Manila, for sure naman maghihirap din sila agad pagdating dito. Eh halos lahat ata ng gawin mo dito may bayad. Humingi ka lang ng certificate of good moral character sa OSA, tumataginting na P25 agad. Wow, saan gawa yun papel nun? Tapos may aircon fees pang biglang sumusulpot sa account mo pag matatapos na ang sem. Dagdagan mo pa ng mga fines galing sa student council bawat college. May kilala ako umabot na sa P1500 ang fines niya kasi hindi siya sumasali sa mga activities.

Hindi naman ako galit, dude. I’m just explaining. You and I, we are all the same. Punto lang sa pananalita ang pinagkaiba natin. We say pink, you say penk. We say ukol, you say okol. We say ano, you say unsa. Pare-pareho tayong naghahanap ng issue ng tWS pag Wednesday. Dapat ata the Weekend Sillimanian na ang tawag sa kanila eh, diba? We both dance gangnam, and most of us hate Justin Bieber and Tito Sotto. Mas masaya kaming mag concert kesa senyo, pero mas malakas kayo sa inuman kesa samin. We all have our own strength and weaknesses. Pero sa hinaba-haba ng reklamo, we are all Pinoys. We are all Sillimanian. Right, bro? Peace out, y’all! ~

Photographer ka ba?

Mareklamong Sillimanian

Earl Paolo Jaculbe

Photography. What is it, exactly? When you mention it, the first thing that comes into a person’s head would probably be photos of nearly wilting flowers, puppies biting each other’s ear off, clouds with “silver lining”, green grass (with a bit of dog crap, unnoticed at first), beat up, old shoes, and “emo” poses and/or mirror shots in the bathroom showing your school mate inside the cubicle with super far out captions. Edited version pa!

The sad reality is, first timers don’t know what to actually do with their new DSLRs. Some even hold it as if they were holding a compact digital camera. You see, holding a DSLR is like holding a cheesy foot long sandwich from a hotdog stand. You have to support its body and its lens, the way you support the rest of your snack for you to eat it.

You think photography is your life and passion? Really? Just ‘coz you took a photo of a flower, which is out of focus, doesn’t mean you are one. I’m sorry if I crushed your dreams of becoming one this early. But becoming a photographer takes ample time. You cannot become a photographer overnight or in a few minutes. Every time you post a photo on social networks, don’t post it thinking about how many

likes, comments you’re gonna get or how “popular” you’re going to be. Oh, and stop blaming your camera if the photo you wanted to take didn’t come out as you wanted. You control the camera, not the other way around, my dear.

So, as you practice, you get better at photography. Like from being a beginner to becoming an amateur. If you get hired for a formal-ish event, please do dress for the occasion. You start joining photography

clubs or organizations, like, a group where you can “relate” with people who share the same passion as you do. But what you don’t see at first is that you meet people who have bigger heads than you. In the vernacular, mga dagko’g ulo! Comparing among the group their newest gadgets, photo equipment and the like. And then, they tell you it’s not enough. They tell you they want to upgrade to something even “better” even though they have the best for that month. Oo na, kamo na ang dato.

Let’s say you’ve really improved your skills at photography; from the amateur stage to a professional-ISH stage. You get to do a photo exhibit. The next thing you know, or may not know, you’re walking around this earth like you’re somebody everyone should know about. All because of ONE photo exhibit. Hindi pa naman naging solo exhibit. You remind me of that scene in “Ang Babae sa Septik Tank” wherein there was this filmmaker who felt like he was on top of the world because he got invited to ONE film festival abroad. Y’know what? Magsama kayo. Siya sa film, ikaw naman sa photography. And don’t get too attached to that espresso. Baka ma-miss mo pag uwi mo dito sa Pinas.

Don’t be too proud of your small achievements. The best is yet to come. How do I know? Coz I am a “struggling” photographer. I struggle to get good shots but I admit I am not good enough. According to Henri Cartier-Bresson, “Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst.” I have not reached my 10,000th photo mark yet. Glad I got that thing off my chest. Anyway, yeah, sorry for the long post. Actually, I lied. I’m not sorry >:D~

Rants of an Observer

Melissa Alexandra Pal

sillymeniensspeak

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.”

- Francis Bacon

This is the Lampoon issue of the Weekly Sillimanian

DUE TO SENSITIVE AND CONTROVERSIAL ISSUES TACKLED IN THIS ARTICLE, THE EDITORIAL HAS BEEN CENSORED. SINCE THERE WILL BE NO MORE tWS NEXT SEMESTER, THE STAFF WOULD LIKE TO THANK ITS FEW READERS FOR SUPPORTING THE FREEDOM OF THE PRESS THROUGH THE PRINT MEDIUM. NEVER SAY YES TO CENSORSHIP AGAIN.

the weekly sillimanian05 october 2012 twsfictures 3

by Roberto Klemente Timonera & Michiko Je Bito-on

Silliman our alma mater, Silliman beside the sea. Alma mater. Although the term

carries with it the scent of diplomas, books, and cheap karindirya food, it’s actually Latin for “nourishing mother.” We don’t literally suck milk from Silliman’s bountiful breast (nitpick: an image must first work on the literal level before it can be a metaphor. Schools do not have boobs.) or anything like that, but she loves us anyway. She lurrrrves us. You want proof? Oh, we’ll give you proof. Here

1. Eggs are good for you. But yellow yolks are too mainstream. S i l l i m a n h a t e s b e i n g mainstream, so she makes sure you get the hipster-est eggs around. Green eggs. Yes, the ones in Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham. Dear ol’ Silliman is good friends with Sam-I-Am, so she gets a large supply of green eggs from time to time---all the ham goes to the President’s house, of course. He hands them out to dormers.

2. Being a Sillimanian, your body clock’s probably gone whack by now. Moments that are “clear as day” are

the ones at Q yosko at around 4:30 AM, when you try to finish as much schoolwork as you can before sunlight spills onto the city. No one sleeps in their beds anymore. So, to make sure you get a good morning’s sleep every day, Silliman tells your teachers to speak as monotonously as possible. Indeed, their voices are intellectual lullabies; entire lessons and ideas cushion your head like the softest pillow.

3. Lahi ra gyud ma-inlab ang Sillimanian.

O u r s c ho o l

knows that m u c h . Which is why our campus is peppered with “hot spots” that are conducive to romantic activity, and are conveniently ngitngit and mingaw around 9 in the evening. Also there’s the amphitheatre, the main library, and many others places you’ll have to find yourself. ;)

4. Speaking of the library, we have a number of special book collections donated by noted Sillimanians such as Marjorie Evasco and _______. (unsa gani tong uban collection? Haha) Some of the books are pretty

rare. If we borrowed them and took them home, we’d probably forget about them and instead waste time on the Internet.

5. Vending machines are a real blessing within the campus. You can spend at most Php 15.00 for a refreshing and savory drink of cappuccino, fruit juice or your favorite soda. But sometimes, you can’t help but think that they’re screwing with your pocket (and sanity) when they give you no ice cubes, plain water and ice, or a drink with a sprinkle of ants (unwanted condiments that come in red and black). The machines also get outright cruel when they spit out your tattered twenty peso bill while you are about to die from e x t r e m e dehyd rat ion at any given moment.

6. A Si l l imanian’s literary and artistic skills are too prized that creators prefer to self-publish them on armchairs, doors and gender signages

near comfort rooms. Have you seen the four-legged artwork done on one of the signs near the AH 2nd floor

girl’s comfort room? How about the cultic skulls with teachers’

names on the armchairs where you hold y o u r a r t s

subjects? If you are more of a “wide reader”, try skimming over comfortroom doors. Maybe you’ll find one of life’s greatest lessons written on them, or, better yet, get the

dream date of your life by contacting

t h e

n u m b e r s purposely written

for your convenience and pleasure. *winky wink*

7. Silliman University wants us to enjoy campus life so much that she doesn’t make us wait for t h e next Founder’s

W e e k Ce lebrat ion to try out the annual horror c h a m b e r . She gives every student an equal opportunity at an authentic ha i r-r a i s ing e x p e r i e n c e .

For starters, you can try going around the Katipunan Hall late at night. However, the best advice we can probably give to men out there to maximize Silliman’s year-round horror booths is to bring along a date, make sure you execute “da moves” when the chance is right.

We are currently at the final stretch of our semester and you might have

a thing or two to share on Dear o’l Silliman’s lurve for you when you get back home. If ever you decide to tell you parents about your “exquisite” stay at the university beside the sea, we sure do hope and pray that they have big hearts and open minds to still allow you to come

back and finish your studies here (otherwise, they’ll send you

off to a university on the surface of the moon or elsewhere). Toodle-oo, for now.~

by Shadid Sidri and Royanni Miel Millares

There are days when you find yourself walking up and down the hallways or sitting down

in a boring lecture. You might think to yourself “why am I sitting in this mind-numbing discussion? I’m not even enrolled in this class! Man, I’m bored.” Well, here is a fun list of ways to kick boredom out of your day, the same way you would kick out a drunken uncle from a family party.

1.) Silliman GolfThere are so many empty fields

around Silliman. The field beside the gym, for instance. Why not slip on your fanciest slacks and grab some golf gear and start a game of your own? Just find a nice spot at a far end of the field, dig a few holes and you have yourself a working golf course (Golf carts and uninteresting commentary are optional) To make it more exciting, you can even move around different fields to have several courses. Take care however: hitting a ball too hard or far might hit someone in the head, causing death. Death tends to make people very, very upset.

2.) Impromptu Musical Numbers If you’ve ever watched a Disney

movie, you’ll learn that everything is better with song numbers. Go ahead and grab some friends, choose a song, make some choreography, then you’re

good to go! For your performance venue, choose areas that have lots of potential audiences like the cafeteria. Avoid places where you might disturb people. For example, you shouldn’t do impromptu musical numbers in churches because people who go there tend to be in the middle of something.

3.) Leave notes in library books

The library is never really a fun place to go. The library staff is boring and throws the worst rave parties. Be a Good Samaritan and try to make the library experience of other people more interesting by leaving fun pieces of paper with messages between the pages of random books. It could be a simple note that reads “Hello, your mother loves you!” or even more argumentative notes that read “Justin Bieber=

SUCKS. Agree or disagree?” Be creative! Why not put in a treasure

map or a nude self-

por trai t? ( O k a y , m a y b e

not the self-

portrait.)4.) DrawingThere are so many great moments

to capture in Silliman. A great and creative way to capture these moments is by drawing them! Just get a piece of paper and a pencil, and then get drawing. Possible subjects to draw include the many buildings of the

university, the student, teachers or even the acacia trees. You might say “But photography is much easier!”

Well, photography is too mainstream and cameras don’t come cheap (unless you have an extra kidney that you want to get rid of ). Besides, drawing is a great way to work out your artistic talents!

5.) Become a street

musician In the

event that you have

a musical instrument with you such as a harmonica in your bag or a guitar in your pocket, then whip out your instruments and start playing. It’s as simple as going to a nice spot such as the amphitheater and

just playing your music. If you have a group of friends who also happen to have guitars in their pockets or any other instruments, you can go ahead and start a street band! Keep in mind, however, that you should avoid performing in places where people might be busy, such as bathrooms. Most people find it difficult to do their business in the bathroom when there is a musician outside the c

6.) Pretend to be a teacherGive a teacher a break from the usual

walking-into-the-room routine and pretend to be the substitute teacher. Wear some decent attire, carry thick books and put on the most serious face you can come up with. Go into the class before the real teacher arrives and go straight to the front of the class and tell them that their regular teacher is sick and you were asked to fill in. Give them as much homework as you can and then tell them wait. Leave the room before the real teacher arrives. The students will have no idea what just happened.

These are just some of the many activities you can do to keep yourself entertained in the event that you find yourself inhumanely bored while on campus. Don’t limit yourself to this article, though. There are so many things to do. Go out, have fun, and remember---you’re only limited by your imagination (and the law)!~

boredom busters!

Of course Silliman 'Loves' Us

PHOTO BY Alex Iso

4 twsbackstage the weekly sillimanian05 october 2012

Within Oriental Hall lies the Weekly Sillimanian’s safely nestled, aquarium-like lair. But we, the staffers, have to admit: it’s really strange yet pleasing how passersby give us a variety of reactions. And since it delights us so much, we are going to reveal the REAL shenanigans within our mini-refugee camp: (Source: Michino Je Bito-on)

The Weekly Sillimanian office also serves as a venue for flip top battles (for the ambitious), a sleeping quarter (for the nocturnal freaks), dining area (because kiosks are too mainstream), a study room (just because), and mini-karaoke bar and dance studio.

theRANDOMspace:

roundup

The staff consumes six 1.5 liter-soft drinks a week. Unfortunately, two weeks ago, someone took home 2 two bottles all for himself. [Jay-Bee Beertudazo opens fridge]: “Kinsay nikuha? Baga’g nawung!”

Have you ever noticed the floral fragrance left behind when a Weekly Sillimanian staffer passes by? Some of us actually use Glade ® air freshener as perfume.

There are 23 official tWS staff members. Four editors, six news writers, four feature writers, an adviser, a business manager, a cartoonist, two photojournalists, a web manager, a layout artist, an office manager, a circulation manager…a freeloading bum owning the initials E.P.J., and silog eaters known as “F4+1.”

One lucky day you meet the teacher who failed you in one of your favorite subjects:

Q: What

will you do

to him/her?

Ten representatives per col-lege served as respondents of this survey. Survey con-ducted by Princess Jezrael A. Frondozo.

SILLIMANWEEKLYSURVEY

SURE and CAUSE... from page 1

by Jelanie Rose T. Elvinia and Melissa Alexandra Pal

IF YOU WANT to break a promise, never to an archery team.

Silliman University Archery coach Row Well Metro protested last Sept. 30 against SU President Been Nalaya for not fulfilling his promise to build the entire archery team a million-worth firing range at the Si Maprangka Bowlfieeeld.

Metro was found aiming in front of Nalaya’s house at around 9am last Sunday. Fortunately, nobody was in the residence at that time apart from the housekeepers. There were no bows released.

Metro, instead, called the press and revealed that the administration transferred their practice field from the area beside the gymnasium to the Si Maprangka Bowlfieeeld with the promise that they will be providing an estimated million-worth facility for the varsity within the semester.

“It’s almost the end of the sem and

yet, not even a single pebble was seen for the construction. They keep on promising and promising but they do nothing. It’s about time that they give priority to the varsity as well, whether that’s the archery team, basketball, volleyball, etc.” he said.

President Nalaya said in a statement:

“Yes, I transferred them there because I want to build a garden beside the gym. That’s where I could smell the flowers and see the butterflies soar up high in the air every morning. Students are stressed with their exams and requirements. It’s time for them to take a break and smell the roses.”

Nalaya said that the office will not disclose any further information as of the moment. Metro, on the other hand, is waiting for the release of the second installment of the “Hunger Games” movie. “Katniss Evergreen is the inspiration of my team,” he said.~

Archery team protests, fires at president’s house

by Samantha L. Colinco

AFTER 109 YEARS of campus and community service, the Weekly Sillimanian (tWS) is closing up for an “indefinite period of time” starting this second semester.

Silliman President Been Nalaya said: “These past two months, the Weekly Sillimanian has reached the lowest readership in its history. We take this decline as a sign that newspapers are indeed dying even in the academia. Therefore this is tWS’s last semester of publication because we cannot continue to support a losing entity.”

Nalaya broke the news at an Office of Information and Publications (OIP) meeting last Oct. 1.

He said that publishing “more controversial news stories” was the university’s last attempt to revive student interest but the move proved to be futile. Several offices also complained that the publication staff has been writing about negative issues for their news stories.

“We planned exhaustively and that actually cost us two months of publication time. This is the reason why tWS published in August instead of June. We tried everything we can to

pull the readership up but we seemed to be going nowhere so we just gave up,” he said.

Established in 1903, tWS is one of only four campus papers in the country that publishes on a weekly basis.

Smart Garcia, OIP director, also said that this is not an abrupt decision but one that followed years of feasibility studies and research.

“We found the litter of tWS on the campus every week a very disheartening sight. That actually triggered an epiphany in us that the youth now are really more inclined to using smart phones, tablets and laptops. So why bother printing newspapers if nobody reads them, and worse, throws them away instead?” he said.

Garcia added that they are still deliberating on whether to resume the paper’s operation soon or to create a downloadable app version of tWS for electronic gadgets instead.

“We have to see a rise of student interest in university affairs first because we don’t want any endeavor to flop again. We also want to give this time for the staff to take their beauty rest and reawaken their love lives. Seems like most of them lack these,” he said.~

Admin: No more tWS next semforces of evil together.” Magalones added: “The rivalries

throughout the years were unbecoming. Instead of acting maturely, some fall back. Some act like children. I agree with Chairry; it’s time to fight the “Loki” that plagues student politics by holding each other’s hands. It’s time to stop this political bickering by following the example of Voltes V. Let’s volt in!”SAUCE will now carry the motto:

“Passion hanggang sa tagumpay”. Its campaign slogan will be “Padayon over power.” The t-shirt of the party is set to be colorless. “It will be a symbol of transparency and

unbiased governance from SAUCE,” Gumapang said.‘No third party, no other party’The merging of the two most

powerful colors in the university silenced earlier speculations that a third party will soon emerge. “There will be no other party. SAUCE is as good as a three-in-one party,” Gumapang said.In response to the unprecedented

development, the SU president has declared that the party members will share the respective positions they once competed for. Consequently, starting next school year, there will be two SUSG presidents leading the student body.SU president Been Nalaya

explained: “One is for organizing band concerts and the other will be signing all the solicitation letters. The two presidents will undergo singing and penmanship tests to determine which one will carry each of the two duties. Because as they say: the more the merrier.”To avoid confusion in the future,

Gumapang and Magalones signed a Memorandum of Agreement last Oct. 3. “We have learned our lessons from the PERA Scholarship,” Nalaya said.“This merging is a good sign that

student politics is now becoming mature in the university. After all, blue and green makes a true red Sillymenian,” he added.~

The last thing you probably want to do in our office is to plug your USB flash drive in one of our desktop computers. Not only will your files get deleted, you will also receive viruses placing filenames like secret.exe and sexy.exe.

will make sure they are not harmed,” said Garcia.

The new system of student-drawn carriages will not only be addressing problems in pollution as originally planned. It also raises the school’s advocacy of animal rights.

“SU has been actively promoting the rights of animals for the past years, now they are taking it a notch higher. Students will now personally experience the horses’ plight,” added Garcia.

The student assistants’ welfare was also carefully deliberated by the administration. With this new burden upon them, the student assistants will be paid about three to four times more than what they earn at offices.

This new project will be implemented by the start of next semester. The training and seminars of some student assistants will take place this semester-break.

“This is one way of addressing the obesity problem in the university. Grab a tartanilya and have a sexy figure,” Garcia said.~

SAs replace... from page 1

Show

my KILLER smile

Date the teacher and bribe him/her to change

my grade Embrace him/her for giving me a chance to discover that things are “lovelier the second time around” and that lighting does strike the same place twice

.05%

.05%

99.9

%

0%

AMPHI SCANDAL. Two students are caught cuddling and almost kissing each other at the amphitheatre. The amphitheatre is one of the most popular spots for dating couples inside the campus. PHOTO BY Melissa Pal

POORBEDIN LAB. A student flirts with his teacher. Romantic relationships between teachers and students are now rampant in the school. PHOTO BY Alex Iso

OBITUARYThe still nameless dog who served as the tWS mascot died last Oct. 3. The dog was depressed to death

due to the implementation of RA 10175.

Rest in peace, nameless dog.

Give

hi m/her the “F fing er sign”

for giving

me an F