The Parish Church of St. Paul, Wokingham

The Wedding Pack

Val Clifford (Parish Administrator)

0118 979 2122

office@stpauls-wokingham.org.uk

The Parish Office, St. Paul’s Parish Rooms,

Reading Road, Wokingham, Berkshire RG41 1EH

www.spauls.org.uk

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Getting Married at St Paul’s Church, Wokingham

Many congratulations indeed on your engagement. We are delighted that

you are planning to have your wedding at St. Paul's. We’ll do everything

we can to make sure you have a day which is not only memorable and

lovely but also a firm foundation for the rest of your life together, as

husband and wife.

Much of the focus over the next months will be on this one day- but we

will keep gently reminding you that you are preparing for your lifelong

marriage and not simply for your wedding day. That is part of the aim and

focus of the Wedding Exploration Day you will be invited to and to which

we really encourage you to come. During the day we will do a lot of

practical stuff around getting ready for the wedding and we will put the

focus firmly back on the two of you together, and on your love.

This Wedding Information Pack is designed to help you with the things

you need to arrange. It covers three main areas:

Section 1. The legal requirements you have to fulfil in order to get

married at St Paul’s.

Section 2. What you need to know about the service, including the choices

we will ask you to make about what you’d like in the service.

Section 3. The cost of a wedding at St Paul’s.

The Pack is well worth holding onto after you have sent in the Options

Sheet (which is enclosed and on blue paper) because it will provide you

with the answers to many of the questions which often arise when you are

planning a wedding. However, we are more than happy to answer any

questions you have at any stage because we are absolutely committed to

making the planning period, the wedding itself and your marriage beyond

that as wonderful and joyful as possible.

May God bless and inspire you both, now and in the years of fulfilment

which, we pray, lie ahead of you.

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Contents Page p4 Section 1: Legal Requirements, i.e. can I get married at St Paul’s? p6 Section 2: The Wedding Service itself- information and decisions p10 Section 3: How much will our wedding cost? p12 2014 Fees Table p13 Appendix 1: Some Suggestions of Hymns and Music p15 Appendix 2: An Outline Order of Service

Some Useful Contact Details Val Clifford (Parish Administrator)

0118 979 2122 office@stpauls-wokingham.org.uk

Fr Richard Lamey (Rector)

0118 327 9116 richard.lamey@spauls.org.uk

Fr Patrick King (Assoc. Priest)

0118 977 3397 patrick.s.king@gmail.com

Mthr Deborah Davison (Curate)

0118 978 7658 mthr.deborah@spauls.org.uk

David Pether (Organist)

0118 966 3565 david.pether.1983@pem.cam.ac.uk

Sue Davenport (Flower Coordinator) 0118 978 6554

St. Paul’s Church is on the A329 Reading Road

to the north west of Wokingham.

It is handy for Wokingham Railway Station.

The Postcode for the Parish Rooms Car Park is RG41 1EH.

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Section 1: Legal Requirements

Who can get married at St Paul’s? You don’t need to be christened (baptised) to be married at St Paul’s. Neither is

being divorced a bar to being married in the Church of England any longer,

although we will need to see evidence that the previous marriage has been

legally terminated and have a conversation about the circumstances.

English law entitles you to be married in the parish church of the parish where

one of you is living (check on achurchnearyou.com), where you regularly

attend worship and are on the Electoral Roll, or where one of you has a proven

historical link. To meet this criteria either of you must be able to show just one

of the following connections with our parish.

That one of you:

was baptised in our parish or

was prepared for confirmation in our parish or

has at any time lived in our parish for a period of at least 6 months or

has at any time regularly attended church services in this parish church

for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents, at any time after you were born:

lived in our parish for a period of at least 6 months or

has regularly attended church services in this parish church for a period of

at least 6 months or

That one of your parents or grandparents:

was married in our parish

In all cases involving attendance at church services - i.e. attending church

services, baptism, confirmation or marriage - this applies to Church of England

services.

Even if you cannot demonstrate any of the above connections, we will help you

explore whether it may still be possible for you to marry in our special church

and the clergy will advise you on an alternative course of action.

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Parental Consent This is only required if you are under 18 years of age during the legal

preliminaries to the marriage and must be given in writing.

When can I get married? Wedding services can take place on any day of the week between 8.00am and

4.00pm, subject to the availability of the church and priest.

Calling the Banns Calling Banns is the normal way of obtaining legal permission for your

marriage. It is the equivalent of putting up a notice outside the Registry Office

naming those about to get married; we read the Banns instead, since the priest

taking the service acts as the Registrar.

When Banns are called, your names are read out in church and anybody who

knows a reason in law why you may not marry has to notify the clergy. At St.

Paul's, Banns are called at the 9.30am service on the first three Sundays of the

month to permit at least a clear month before your wedding. So, for example,

for a wedding in May the Banns will be called in March. You do not need to be

in Church to hear your Banns being read but it is a special and romantic

moment and most people normally come along to hear their names being read

out. You will be made very welcome.

Where one of you lives in another parish, or you have moved into another

parish, you must have the Banns called there also. It is your responsibility to

arrange this with the parish priest there - please do this about three months

before the wedding. After the third calling of Banns you will be issued with a

certificate, for which a fee is payable. Please hand this certificate to the priest

taking your wedding, or in to the Parish Office: without it we cannot conduct

your wedding. It is not essential for Banns at the other church to be called on

the same Sundays as at St. Paul's.

Occasionally it is not possible to obtain legal permission for the marriage

through the calling of Banns. This is usually the case if one of you is a foreign

national, and in a few other circumstances. If this is the case, we will explain the

process of getting a Special Licence and then guide you through it.

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Section 2: The Wedding Service Itself

We are here to help you in whatever way we can! The clergy of our parish are only too happy to help you in the planning of your

wedding day. The Church of England’s excellent website will also give you

help and ideas and can be found at: http://www.yourchurchwedding.org Feel

free to contact the clergy with any queries you might have at any point.

The Marriage Exploration Day Your marriage will last much longer than the preparations for your wedding, so

it is as important for you to prepare for the marriage as for the wedding day,

and more so. With this in mind we invite you to let us help you with your

thinking about marriage. The best possible preparation is for you both to be

able to talk together about the things which will be important to you, your

hopes, fears and expectations, and we encourage you to attend a preparation

session to explore these issues. The feedback from previous courses has been

very positive, both in terms of what is discussed and in terms of simply making

time to spend a day together dreaming of the future. We are also happy to provide confidential help with more personal and private

matters.

Decisions, decisions, decisions Every wedding service is a blend of the personal and the universal. Every

wedding is part of a great tradition of human flourishing, which therefore has

certain constant things in common, and is also uniquely about you, and who

you are, separately and together. So, for example, you cannot write your own

wedding vows but you can choose which readings you have and how many

and who reads them.

The broad flow and structure of the service stays the same but there is a lot of

scope for you to include those important touches which make it your day and

your wedding. Just ask us for what you would like- the worst we can do, and

only rarely, is explore with you why it might not work and why there might be

a better alternative plan.

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Readings and Hymns

In theory there is no limit on the number of readings you can have. The

minimum is one Bible reading but often people choose two Bible readings, and

then a poem or a reading from a book. It’s important to think about the message

of the readings, and to choose ones which speak of your love and hopes. The

Parish Office has a list of suggested readings you might like to look through,

available on request. yourchurchwedding.org also has a very helpful list.

Similarly, the hymns need to be ones you like and know and which you think

other people will be able to sing as well. There is no point having the perfect

words if no-one knows the tune and it’s impossible to sing. Again, the person

taking your wedding will be more than happy to discuss these things with you,

as will the Organist.

These things are yours to decide (even if your parents are footing the bill!). You

could ask for five readings and three hymns but we are equally happy to

arrange a simple ceremony for you and two witnesses if you would prefer this.

And please do contact us with any questions or points of clarification- we are,

as we keep saying, here to help!

Who will take the wedding service? St. Paul's has three full-time clergy, one of whom will usually conduct your

wedding. You can ask for one of us specifically if you would like to. We are also

very happy for a relative or friend who is a priest in good standing with the

Church of England to conduct the service or for a minister from a church in full

communion with the Church of England to help with the service, but we need

to know well in advance. The necessary fees are still payable to the parish, even

if you bring your own priest. Whoever takes the service, all administration is

conducted through the Parish Office and any matter relating to the wedding

should be referred there.

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Do we need an order of service? It is handy for everyone to know what is happening in the service, and it is

lovely to keep a copy as a souvenir of your special day. It can be fancy or it can

be simple. It can include a hologram on the front page or it can simply have

text. These things are for you to decide.

It is vitally important that the priest taking your service has approved the text

before you print it. This is partly because we should (hopefully) know what

comes when in the service, and partly because hymns that have been

downloaded from the internet often contain spelling mistakes and verses which

we have long since stopped singing! You can borrow a hymnbook from church

if that would help. An outline of a typical service is given on p15. This is also

available from the Parish Office in electronic form. Please be sure to order enough copies for all your guests, plus 20 for the choir if

you are having them.

Wedding Photography and Videos It is really important that you have photos and, if you choose, a video by which

to remember the day- but it is equally important that people taking photos do

not undermine the sense of focus and worship in the service. It’s always useful

for the photographers to talk to the priest before the service, either at the

rehearsal or on the day. We have some simple rules which we will explain to

people before the service starts:

1. Only the official photographer can take photos during the service itself

2. Flash should not be used in church because it is quite obtrusive (apart

from after the signing of the registers and during the procession).

3. At all times your photographer should work under the guidance of the

priest taking the service.

The aim of these rules is to maintain the balance between worship and photos,

and to allow us to be as helpful as we can from that foundation. As you process

out at the end of the service you are, as it were, fair game for people to take

photos. If it is raining the formal photographs may be taken in church with the

consent of the priest.

Video recordings tend to happen from a set position so the important thing to

get right is to choose the best place for the camera operator before the service

begins.

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Church Flowers At certain times of the year there are many weddings at St. Paul's and this

means that it is impractical for us to allow professional florists to arrange

flowers in church. Our Flower Guild are talented flower arrangers who know

what works well in St Paul’s Church. They will be happy to provide what you

require for a very reasonable price. Please speak to Mrs Sue Davenport to

discuss what you would like.

Please note that during the Church's seasons of Advent (the four weeks before

Christmas) and Lent (the six weeks before Easter) flowers are not used to

decorate the church for normal worship. If you are being married during one of

these seasons the flowers will be removed before the Sunday services.

The Bell Tower St Paul’s has one of the finest ring of bells in the county. The tower has eight

bells and they can be rung as you leave Church as husband and wife and while

you have photos outside church. It can a lovely, joyful way of marking

something very special.

How will we know what to do in the service? A rehearsal will be arranged a few days before the wedding. The person

conducting the service will contact you to arrange a suitable date and time. You

are welcome to bring anybody who has a part to play in the ceremony - best

man, bridesmaids etc - but it is not essential for them to attend.

The most important thing is that the two of you get everything you need out of

the rehearsal and if having other people there will prevent that then it is best to

just have the two of you there, and for you to tell other people what they need

to know afterwards. Often the best rehearsals are the ones with the fewest

people there! Please bring to the rehearsal the Banns Certificate if you have had

Banns read in another parish, and any outstanding money.

Please do pay attention when the priest urges you to plan to arrive on time for

the wedding. Having everyone in church sitting around for 15 minutes waiting

for the bride (or groom, conceivably) to arrive is not the way you want your

wedding to start! Plan to be on time.

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After the service… …well, with a lot of effort and commitment, you will live happily ever after. But

specifically, you are welcome to have photos taken in church if you would like

to. Confetti may be used, but we’ll ask your guests to confine it to the area

around the lych-gate so that it doesn’t blow onto the graves around the Church

path. Rice and plastic confetti shouldn’t be used as it makes the path slippery in

wet weather and we do not encourage the use of non-biodegradable material.

If you are going abroad for your honeymoon and you wish to obtain a joint

passport or a passport for the bride in her married name you should obtain a

special form from the Post Office for the Parish Priest to sign before the

wedding.

Section 3: How much will my wedding cost?

We may not be able to answer this question immediately because the fees are

approved each January for the calendar year ahead. Usually, the previous

year’s charges will give you a reasonable guide but we will only be able to

finally confirm the fees early in the year you are getting married. The fees are

made up of four parts:

1. Statutory Fees These are fixed by authority of Parliament, are the same throughout the

whole of the Church of England and cannot be varied. They relate to the

legal aspects of the ceremony and increase by a small amount each year.

Fees are charged at the rate for the year that the wedding takes place, not

the year in which it is booked.

2. Payment to those taking part There is always a Verger. Bellringers, Organist and Choir are optional and

payments only apply if you request the services of these people.

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3. Reimbursement of expenses This includes expenditure by the church specific to your wedding, such as

additional heating in winter and a contribution towards maintenance of

the organ and bells. Again, you pay for what you are choosing to use.

4. Video Recording We permit the use of a video camera during the service but must make it

clear that any recording is subject to copyright law. This requires an

additional fee to be charged when a recording takes place, which goes to

the organist and to the choir.

When do we pay? We are keen to make the whole experience of getting married at St Paul’s as

smooth and effortless as possible, so we are happy for you to pay for your

wedding by cash or by cheque, in one lump sum or in instalments over the

months running up to wedding. Ultimately though, wedding fees should be

paid in full two weeks before the wedding. Cheques should be made payable

to "Wokingham St. Paul Fees Account."

Do we need the church heating on? The Church is not normally heated on a Saturday or on weekdays which means

that the heating has to be turned on especially for your service. If you choose to

have the church heated there will be a charge for gas of £55, and clearly that

will depend on the time of year you are getting married and on how much you

trust weather forecasters...

Do we need a verger? The short answer is yes. The verger helps everything in church run smoothly.

They set up before the service and tidy up afterwards. They guide the Ushers

and play any CDs you ask for. A verger is a key part of the smooth running of

every wedding, and is paid an appropriate fee for their time and skill.

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Wedding Fees for 2014

These are the charges which will apply from January 2014. The charges

you will pay will be those in force on the day of your wedding.

1. Statutory Fees £

a) Publishing Banns 21.00 *

b) Marriage Service 392.00 *

c) Marriage Certificate 4.00 *

£417.00

* These fees will be increased from 1st Jan 2015

2. Payment to those taking part Please note that if another organist plays at the couple's request, St. Paul's

Organist is still entitled to the fee.

a) Organist 110.00

b) Choir 150.00

c) Bellringers 130.00

d) Verger 30.00

3. Reimbursement of Church Expenses

a) Towards the cost of organ maintenance 30.00

b) Towards the cost of bell maintenance 30.00

c) Towards the cost of gas for heating 55.00

4. Video Recording

a) Organist 55.00

b) Choir 50.00

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Appendix 1: Some Suggestions of Hymns and Music

Our organist, David Pether, has compiled a list of popular choices which is

given below. If you need advice on these options, he will be happy to help.

If you are considering anything outside this list, please contact David

Pether at least three months before the wedding to discuss it, as new music

may need to be ordered and learned for the wedding.

For the entry of the bride Wagner Bridal Chorus from Lohengrin (‘Here comes the Bride’)

Clarke Trumpet Voluntary (‘Prince of Denmark’s March’)

Purcell Trumpet Tune

Stanley Trumpet Voluntary

Charpentier Prelude to the Te Deum

Handel Hornpipe from 'Water Music'

Pachelbel Canon in D

Mendelssohn Introduction from Organ Sonata No. 3.

Hymns (Hymn numbers should NOT be printed in the Order of Service.)

264 All things bright and beautiful 237 Morning has broken

368 Guide me, O thou great Redeemer 320 O perfect love

457 The King of love my shepherd is 433 O worship the King

393 Lead us heavenly Father, lead us 239 Lord of all hopefulness

408 Love Divine, all loves excelling 413 Now thank we all our God

298 May the grace of Christ our Saviour 488 'Jerusalem'

436 Praise, my soul, the King of heaven 440 Praise to the Lord

137 Come down, O love divine

397 Let us with a gladsome mind

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For the procession Mendelssohn Wedding March

(from 'A Midsummer Night's Dream’)

Widor Toccata from Symphony no. 5

Karg-Elert Nun Danket alle Gott

Guilmant Grand Choeur in D

Dubois Toccata

Vierne Finale, Symphonie No 1

Lefébure-Wély Sortie in E flat

John Ireland Alla Marcia

Henry Smart Postlude in C

Nigel Ogden March – ‘New Era’.

For the signing of the registers (If there is no choir, one of the following pieces could be played:)

J.S. Bach Air from Suite No.3 in D

J.S. Bach Jesu, joy of man’s desiring

J.S. Bach/Gounod Ave Maria

Handel Air from The Water Music

Handel Largo

Schubert Ave Maria

Boëllmann Prière à Notre-Dame (from ‘Suite Gothique’)

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Appendix 2: Outline Order of Service

Order of Service for the Marriage of

(…..) and (…..)

Monday the 23rd of December 2013

at St. Paul’s Church, Wokingham

Conducted by Fr. Richard Lamey

The Arrival of the Bride (Name of music)

The Welcome

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God,

and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you and also with you.

God of wonder and of joy:

grace comes from you, and you alone

are the source of life and love.

Without you, we cannot please you;

without your love, our deeds are worth nothing.

Send your Holy Spirit, and pour into our hearts

that most excellent gift of love, that we may worship you now

with thankful hearts and serve you always with willing minds;

through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Hymn 1

The Preface (which describes the joys and responsibilities of marriage)

The Declarations

Will you, the families and friends of (Name) and (Name),

support and uphold them in their marriage, now and in the years to come?

We will.

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The Reading and the Address

1 Corinthians 13, read by (Name)

Hymn 2 (omitted if only 2 hymns)

The Marriage

(Name and Name make their vows to each other and exchange rings)

Hymn 3 (if 3 hymns ) or Hymn 2 (if 2 hymns)

The Prayers

Lord of life and love: hear our prayer.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name;

thy kingdom come; thy will be done;

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory,

for ever and ever. Amen.

The Blessing

The Signing of the Registers

The Wedding Procession (Name of music)