THE VENTILATOR,THE OFFICIAL JOURNAL of

TROOPSHIP, No. 38.

JANU ARY, 1916.

(With which are incorporated the Evening: Skylight and the Daily Spout)

THE OFFICIAL ORGAN OF H .M .R Z 'T . No. 88.

" Honi Soit qui mal"de-mer/ '

PUBLISHED A T SEA.

N o ll . No. 1 JA N U A R Y , 1916.

editorial

We have not space to introduce ourselves, nor to apologise for our being here, nor to account for the signs of haste about us on this our first appearance. Blushing modestly, we stand on the threshold of a ra ther cold and critical world, knowing no one, but hoping to make many friends.

The magazine of Troopship 38 is now an accomplised fact. Many doubted our ability to prepare, p rin t and publish anything but a rag in three days. We tru s t we have disap­pointed them.

Owing to lack of time and to the exigencies of the printing pi ess the present issue has fallen considerably short of our original design. For this reason we have been obliged to post­pone until our next issue several really good contributions. We should have been particularly glad had we been able to include some exceedingly vivid and interesting “ Impressions of Egypt,” from the pen of one of our Sisters. A rriving late, how­ever, the copy reached ti e printers after they had decided upon the amount they were prepared, to do. We had also intended to publish the complete ship’s roll in an appendix, certain Turf Jottings, and Agricul­tural H ints, but these were ruled out of court for the same reason.

In conclusion we hope th a t the “V entila tor” will assist in strenthen-

ing the confidence and comradeship which prevails in all ranks on troop­

s h ip No. 38, th a t personalities will be trea ted as jests and marks of good fellowship, and th a t its recep­tion will justify a second number la te r on.

Answers to Correspondents.

Sgt.-M ajor .Bright—There is no cause for alarm. Tho censor tells us th a t he is careful to put le tters back into their own envelopes,

Sergt. H unter (advance party) — Six weeks perhaps. In any case seasickness seldom lasts for more than a year.

Pte. Jns, C Coy.— Try washing for it- Soap may also be used with advantage.

Paddy H.— Four gallons was a good performance in the time. Beautiful beer, too, they say.

Charleston—No »e cannot find _you someone to teach you the mandolin. This is not a registry office.

P te Bielby— I t is spelt in several ways— “boos” “buze” “ pues” “ boez” and “ boohooz”— according to the taste of speller.

P te T ait N.Z.M .C.— Dont be silly. How do we know whether she loves you.?

Censor— Yes, cheerful liars are plentiful.

Rim. Kea, F Coy— See answer to P te. -Jns above.

Iiaye—Sorry we cannot advise you. M atrimonial questions are outside our sphere. •

Explorer—No. The officer you mention did not actually discover the South Pole. We are convinced, however, th a t had he been locking for it, i t would have been found and disinfected years ago.

Capt. W alls— R egret th a t we cannot enlighten you. W e know no theology.

Sergts. H itchcock and P e ti t— See answer to Sergt. H unter.

Hygiene—You are quite wrong in supposing him t.o be the Sanitary Inspector. See answer to Explorer.

— T h e E d i t o r .

Censor.

T roopship’s name and ports of calL A nd destination—in fact, all JJ e sees, as who should say,I am the one ; Hip, hip, hooray !T he Censor takes a wild delight I n scratching out with all his

might.-M .

Soldier (lathered to the eyes) : "Say, there, matey ; steady on.

Company Barber : ’S orright, old chap. Beard’s pretty strong, but I ’ll

get i t off all right if the handle don 't break.

THE VENTILATION.

C O R R E S P O N D E N C E .

MESMROOM M ANNERS.

(To the Editor.)Sir,— W ould i t not be possible to

form a “Society for the Amelioration of Messroom M anners ?” Things seem to be going from bad to worse, don’t you know, and I think it would be a very good idea. I do really Some of the men seem to have no control over the ir elbows whatever,I assure you, Mr. Edidor, I ’m no coward—bluest blood in England in my veins and all th a t sort of thing* don’t you know— but I am daily ex­pecting th a t some awful idiot will bump my arm, and cause me to cut my mouth from ear to ear. I am really, and I think th a t something ought to be done about it.

The other morning a t breakfast my next-door neighbor suddenly looked a t my pannikin, dipped two fingers in, licked them and exclaimed “ Tea, by jove !” I assure you, Mr. Editor, this [kind of thing makes me feel positively ill. I t really does.

Why, the very first day out I had my soup taken from under my very nose by o fellow who 'cam e in late.I wasn’t feeling a b it well either. B ut I did get even with him. I said :{{Can you really keep th a t soup down ?” cV Course I can,” he said,“ W hat are you lookin’ a t me like • th a t fo r?” “ Oh, nothing,” I told him, “ Only I have had it down three times already.”

I do hope th a t you will be able to do something, Mr. E d ito r; I do reallv.

P R IV A T E ALGERNON.

Fashion Notes.

By M. .K haki is to be the prevailing color

this season though black facings are sure to be popular in some quarters.

Some stylish shapes in hats are to be seen, Paris models with the high crown being exceedingly common, •jjed on hats is rapidly going out of

fashion and self trimmings seem to be coming into favour.

W e un lerstand th a t shirts are to be worn long during the coming sea­son. N ot longer than a month how­ever.

Shorts are to be worn shortly, A good many designers would seem to have been inspired by Shake- - speare’s d ic tum : The shorter the short, the neater the knee. I t is not expected th a t laces will be much worn.

The style |in faces remains fairly constant, though an added piquancy is obtained by the use of hair trim ­ming and swansdown.

Coifiure modes have changed con­siderably. Tongs and curling pins are now a relic of the past and a full head of hair has a certain antiquarian interest. W ith the new fashions original styles are almost impossible.

Boot laces and string continue to do duty in place of belts and braces, Tailor-made denim costumes for every day wear are to be seen in great variety.

M Y L E T 1 E R H O M E

went out, of course .̂ but where the bull rushes incident took place.—I am, vour loving son,

PA IN S T A K IN G PAUJ..

(W iitten under the Eye of the Censor.)

D ear M other,—I am having a beautiful trip on a

troopship. I would not think of men­tioned its name as i t would annoy the Censor. I t reminds me of a beautiful little French colony in the Pacitiic th a t the Soharnhorst.and the Gnies- enau knocked about considerably. We have been six days a t sea and expect to call a t another port. I am forbidden to mention its name but it calls to mind an im portant Royal Duke who m ight have been King of England to-day. After th a t we shall be long a t sea, but according to rumors on the ship, we shall not see Sealoug—this is ra ther a deep one for me. L ater we are likely to find in much the same position as Daniel once was, only in our case it is likely to be A-den of thieves and not a den of lions.

We expect to end up where Moses was : not a t the tim e when the light

Morn.

I remember, I remember That pleasant place May Morn

The paddocks there without the■ least

Resemblance to a lawn.The mill wherein, when to rren t

rainsDecended from the sky,

We sat on saws and perched on beams

And hung ourselves to dry.

I jtemember, I remember How they wet us to the skin—

Those little ridge-tents,® white without,

B ut yellowish within.Which we raised up and down

by day U ntil we by night on bended

kneesCrawled underneath and slept.

I remember, I remember W hen we were on parade

Before we marched, we made the ground

Quite level with a spade.And gathered all the little stones

W hether buried deep or loose

Before we practised th a t quaint step

Peculiar to the goose.

I remember, I remember The fog, the wind, the rain,

The puddles lying everywhere The gutters dug in vain.

The picture-show, the hospital.The canteen and the clink

I would th a t I were back again In Mav M orn—I don’t think.

M.

That Sergt. Hitchcock woke the other morning to find himself badly b itten in the back by his own teeth. A nother maddening mystery.

3

4 THE VENTILATOR.

The People of Cairo.

The people one sees in the streets of Cairo come from a great mixture of entirely different races and it is sometimes useful to be able to tell them apart.

The bulk of the people belong to the agricultural class, the Fellahin (literally “ clodbreakers”) They are the decendants , of the ancient Egyptains, moderately tall, slight with very thick eyelashes. The black­ing of the edges of the lids, shown in old Egyptian paintings i t still p rac­tised. They live in mud villages, very poorly. Among their prized posses­sions are the pigeons, which most villagers keep in a dome or dovecote in the reefs. These pigeons should on no account be interfered with.

The Copts or Christian Egyptians are the most direct descendants of the ancient Egyptians. They were Christians when the Arabs conquered the country, and the name is simply an Arab mispronunciation of the Greek “ Aiguptios,” or “ Egyptian.” They are almost all handicraftsmen or clerks. They are fairer Rnd more delicate than the Fellahin. The Moslems, who have gradually con­verted most of the Egytians, made the Copts wear black on dark blue colours, and this often marks them still. Their women are veiled like the Moslem women. The Coptic service.is still recited partly in the ancient language of Egypt. The Bedouins are the wandering Arabs of the desert, who live to-day exactly the life th a t Abraham did, wandering from one camping ground to another as soon as their flocks had eaten the former out, You occasionally see one of them with a great neckerchief over his head like a puggaree. He has a stra ight nose, high.cheek bones, and is wrinkled by the desert glare. Occasionally a tribe settles on the border of the desert and the river, and begins a sort of agriculture. The village below the pyramids belongs to an Arab tribe which settled there a hundred years ago, and now pro-

' vides a guide for the Pyramids. They wear the tarboosh of Tripoli with a blue tassle.

There has always been a constant A rab immigration from the desert into the towns. They mostly become servants, coachmen, donkey a tten d ­ants, shopkeepers. They are more enterprising than the fellahin, and of late have produced many barristers, doctors, etc.

The Arabs are a branch of the same race as the Jews, and their languages are closely related. For example “ Talitha■' Kumi ” of the Bible (L ittle girl, arise), would almost be understood by an Arab in whose language “ rise” is still “ kumi.”

The big, tall, very dark men who are servants in hotels, cooks, grooms, coachmen and doorkeepers, are Berbers from Nubia, far south. There is rivalry between them and the Egyptians, and the Nubians do not bring the ir women to Egypt, but return south when they have made money.

Negroes are not despised in Egypt. Most of the older ones were originally brought here as slaves. They are treated almost like members of the family whose servants they are. The Eunuchs in rich houses are almost all negroes, and will be seen in a tte n d ­ance on ladies of high class in the streets.

As the Turks governed Egypt for 300 years and many leading families were Turkish, many of the officers of state and of the army, etc., have ever since been Turks. The Turkish language is, however, little known in Egypt, the language is Arabic.

There may be seen in front of banks, big houses, and places of business fine looking men in very rich nation­al dress. These are Montenegrins*or Albanians employed as doorkeepers because they have firearm ns and use them on slight provocation.

The Syrians and Levantines (partly European) are mostly Roman Catho­lics and good men of business, chem­ists, clerks, shopmen, barristers and doctors.

There are many Armenians and Jews, chiefly Spanish.

The Greeks are by far the most numerous Europeans. They are found even in the villages far up the coun­try, as merchants, innkeepers, vic­

tuallers and ac t as moneylenders throughout the country. H igher artisans and keepers of large shops and hotels are mostly French. The B ritish are chiefly in the army, civil service, engineers, etc. The mer­chants were largely Austrians and German ; the Italians are shoolmas- ters, tradesm en and m erchants.

One word as the veil. In Eastern countries women are sensitively modest or else the exact reverse. There are no gradations between. W ith M ahommedans in Egypt, except in the case of a very few who have accepted W estern customs, the modest women are veiled. Both they and the ir husbands are very sensitive and the veil protects them against being spoken to or in any way in te r­fered with. The only safe rule is never to speak to a, native woman a t all.

A great p a rt of the population is anxious to know the European in . order to make money out of him. Ihese native Dragomans become a nuisance, and altogether they are not. the sort of people; the B ritish lrand Australasian soldier ought to allow to be familiar.(Useful inform ation from Captain C.

E. Bean’s pamphlet).

The Wail of Antonio.

A t da reveill I ge tta da grub,W hatta you calla da dry rash.Den alia da dish I do scrub,S etta da plate for da first crash.Soon da bugle he sounda da call Come quick to the cook-house-door. Alla man say food mucha too small, No soup gotta and m eat he wanta

more.B ut me, Antonio, da shoulda J

shrug,Say, “ See da Q uarta M asta K e rr.” Soldier he sava “ You stoppa da plug. Da Q uarta he gotta da mala de m er.”

TAS,E C o m p a n y .

[Antonio has scarcely m astered the subtleties of rhyme and rhythm yet, but we p rin t the above by way ofencouragement.— E d .]

THEfS VENTILATOR.

O u r Voyage.

F air w eather and summer seas have favored the Sanguinary N inths so far in th e i r . long ocean voyage. A fter the march through W ellington and the handshakes, kisses and cheers on the wharf, Troopship No. 38 stole out into the stream a little before dusk on Saturday, January 8, and for the. last time- we saw the lights of W ellington twinkle out over the hills, and night settles down on the harbor. A t about nine o’clock the Janie Seddon steamed alongside and brought our . complement of firemen up to full strength, taking back with her shoals of farewell telegrams. Most of us fully expected to have a last glimpse of P o r t Nicholson in the early morning, but a t m idnight the steady beat of the engines began, and it has gone on unceasingly until now, as I write, ten days later, we are steaming into our first p ort of call.

W hen we turned out on Sunday morning we found ourselves well out in Cook Straits, with Stephens Island on our beam a t about breakfast time. B y'midday we had le ft Farewell Spit and its lighthouse behind us, and the last of home, blue and distant, was gradually sinking below the horizon. The day was fine and the ship glided through the. w ater with the steadiest of motions. Only a very few realised th a t they had yet to find their sea legs. Of our ship’s company, fourteen hundred strong, must were taking the air on deck dozing, reading, talking, and a few already w riting letters home.

Monday came, and we began to tind th a t we were not quite such excellent sailors as we had imagined. The heave of the ship, had a way of affecting the p it of one’s stomach th a t was not to be ignored. Then a public benefactor appeared in the person of Chaplain Captain W alls with a bucketful of lemons. The lemo.ns.saved the situation for many of us, and the m uster a t drill in the afternoon: was a fair. one. The decks1 are, not exactly suited fur extended order-'work, bu t i t is surprising how much drill can be got in aboard ship with a little systematic arrangement:-

The w eather became thickish on Monday evening, and long blasts on the whistle punctuated the slumbers of all light sleepers on board. The weather continued foggy throughout the greater part of Tuesday, with a fresh breeze, and mal de mer was fairly prevalent.

During the night the wind in ­creased, and on W ednesday morning the spray and water came down into the well deck forward like a mimia- ture N iagara. A fairish quantity of salt w ater got over some of the bunks and bedding down No. 1 hold, and the fresh water tank apparently managed to absorb a by no means inconsiderable quantity.

Early on Thursday we descried the outlines of some hills on the horizon, and during tlie morning passed a number of rugged and picturesque islands, some hazy in the distance, others so close th a t we could imagine we saw tents and sheep among the tussock grass and fern, but closer exam ination with binoculars revealed nothing but an untenanted wilderness. Gradually we neared a mountainous promontory, which we passed so close th a t it was possible to see every detail of the lighthouse and cluster of cottages standing prom inently on its extrem ity.

The land faded away with the dusk, but early nex t morning a low lying point with a few rolling hills was in sight for a time to starboarJ. This soon sank below the horizon, and thenceforward until this Monday afternoon, January 17, not a sign of land have we had, but have ploughed our way through leagues of lonely empty ocean as though we were the only- ship afloat. Of our consorts on the voyage we have so far seen nothing, and the only vestige of human life a t sea to be seen during our waking hours was the fain t white topsails of a distant ship, whose course for a mile or two verged towards ours. Of the ships th a t passed in the night we naturally know nothing, being marshalled below decks a t 9 p.m., and the navigating officers have not been especially communica­tive as to the details of the voyage.

As for our life on board, we turn out daily a t 5.30 a.m., an hour which

arrives as a rule half-an-hour late every morning, the ship’s clock being put back th a t much a t m idnight. We are turned out to physical drill a t 6 am. Breakfast follows in two relays, and morning parade from 9.30 to 12. Afte rnoon parade is from 1.30 to 4 pm. Tea time 4.30 to 5.30, and then come the evening hours when we lie and read about the decks till dusk settles over the ship, and sea, sky and rigging melt into one indistinguishable blurr. Usually there is a boxing contest on oomewhere, followed perhaps by a tug-of-war. The strains of a grama- phone float out over the boat deck or a pathetic a ttem pt is made to ex trac t melody from our woe-begone and decrepit piano, an article we are replacing by something th a t will yield a little cheerful ragtime. Then we have a violinist who. sometimes perches himself up aft of the wire­less cabin, and always draws a good audience to whom |th e melancholy sweetness- of his strains doubtless brings thoughts, of things very far away from our crowded troopship and the bourne to which she is taking us.

Below, in the hospital, the nurses in their grey garb flit silently about, in the “'clink” away aft a solitary prisoner or two takes his ease, and here and there through the ship the sentries of the guard stand on duty.

For variety we have medical in­spections of all manner of different brands, and occasionally the doctors, to work off further surplus energy, decide to vaccinate or inoculate us. On Sunday afternoons the chaplains take the ir turn and bring home to us the things th a t lie behind our voyage and the tasks ahead.

I t is on Troopship No. 38 th a t our section of the Sanguinary N inths is really settling down and getting to know and understand one another in a way th a t was not possible a t Tauherenikau or Trentham . And very well satisfied mosc of us are with the knowledge we now have of the mates who will be with us in whatever serious business we may have to tackle within the next few months.

A.N.F.

5

THE VENTILATOR.

They S a y .

That we must be careful what we eat in Egypt. Men have become very ill through eating the “ sand- which-is ” there.

That a double guard is to be placed on the salt-w ater tank.

T hat F Company looked a good deal less sunburnt a fter the ir 5.30 bathing parade.

That, should i t be necessary to use the lifeboats, there will be two sit­tings as a t the men’s mess.

That i t is p re tty hot when you cannot view land from a distance of five miles without the Ship’s A djutant trying to sell you a section.

T hat the u V en tila to r” will be appreciated in C Company’s quarters.

That an ex-sailor recently begged co be excused duty on the ground of seasickness. Bold bad Berry.

That Lieut. Quillian like Jeffries failed to come back.

T hat Walls has ears if this is not ungrammatical. Ooursey has.

T hat the Advance P arty love their officer. He is one of the “you know what.”

“ H er eyes are blue as the violet’s hue,

H er neck is like the swan.”I say!T hat Constablo Lowler executes

his duties in an efficient manner.That the onlookers appreciated the

way he moved on the officer who stood on the vegetables.

T hat since “ last 011 parade cleans the brass,” all hands are before reveille, a t least, so they say.

T hat a Certain lieutenant, who is rapidly becoming an expert in nauti­cal terminology, was recently heard to refer to the port dormitory on the boat deck as the cabin way.

That “ the M ajor” is of opinion th a t the cry of “ Wolff” cah be heard too often, especially on fatigue days.

T hat the Canteen Officer stared when asked for “ two tickets on Cissy.”

That the man really wanted to backher, and not cigarettes.

That a certain son of Israel was excused church parade last Sunday.

That he was recalled to scrub out

the canteen.T hat Sergeant P av itt’s breast plate

reminds one of the “Crusader” days. Wifey evidently wants Pav. back.

That the Advance P a rty with <! Tiny ” as anchor rhckon they can pull any eight on the ship.

That Sgt.-M ajor Smyrk (Klickipaw) can use his rifle and bayonet right- handed, although he carves hss steak and onions left-haneed.

That he can put up both hands together to some purpose.

That Y.1\1,C.A. Velvin is a good chap— writing paper or a magazine, or perhaps I could mend the grama- phone for you.

T hat Sergt. Boswell of the Ginger- beers is a crack clarionette player. Is he afraid to blow his own trum pet ?

— M.

The M e s s -O r d e rlie s ' O rd in atio n or " H a tc h in g ” T ro u b le .

The skipper does his daily rounds, W e know it-to our c o s t;

He handlee everything in bounds And sometimes things we’ve lost.

H e views the knives with tender care

And mentions by the wayT hat some are good and some are

fair,When viewed a t night n o t d a y .A m other’s sweet soiicitude

W hen gazing a t her child Could never half compare when

viewed B-side our skipper mild ;

The mouse with soft and grace- H e moves with soft and grace­

ful ease,And says in whispering tones,

“These knives and forks just break disease— ”

Subdued and muffled groans. “ No words can half express

my grief,No comment can I make,

I simply feel th a t being brief Will show the stand I take.A soldiers’ stomach piece you

seeCould never stand the strain.

Ill health, disease and misery Would follow after pain”

The soul of wit is brevity Our skipper understands

T hat making speehes when a t sea

Is right into his hands.N ext day we waited anxiously

In m ortal dread and fear, And looked and looked most

furtively And whispered “H e is near.”

A t last he comes. The bugle blows.

Pie tackles “ Scottie ” first, And holds a fork up to his nose

And lo ! the storm has burst. “ You are a new hand a t this

work.Ju st gaze. Ju s t use your eyes.

Between these prongs there seems to lurk

Some rust, and otherwise—•” “A new chum sir? Yes twenty

year,Upon the rolling sea.

But iron ships and forks I fear M ust rust like you and m e.“

The skipper says “A thin small file

Between the prongs will te ll.” Then *•' Q uarter ” Collis smiled

th a t smile T hat we all know so well,

And .Corporal H atch just rubbed his block

And gazed far out to sea, But firmer than the firmest rock

He stood defiantly.“ Ju s t take this c lo th ” he says

“ and find Between these prongs some

rust.”The skipperfseem ed to change

his mind And said “ I t may be dust.”

And day by day the bugle blows “ A ttention mess !” Again

The same old th ing— the skipper’s nose

Is nosing fo»*ks in vain.R f m . J a c k B r a i t h w a i t e .

The editor is regretfully obliged to decline a contribution "in 24 parts, from Rifleman Field, of E. Coy., en­titled “ The story of my Transfer.

Officer (entering his cabin) ‘Hullo, steward, cleaning the porthole

Steward (port side) : ‘‘No, sir polishin: the brass. *-

6

7 THE VENTILATOR.

M u sical and D ra m a tic .

BOOKINGS.

Ja n . 23—30.—Williams’ Comic Opera Company in “ Denims, o r Alone E Did i t . ”

Mdlle. Genee, the fam ous dancer, has retu rned to th e London stag e for her annua l appearance a t the Coliseum.

Signor H eller Oswald Bree, th e cele­b ra ted v io lin ist, is said to be oi R ussian origin, though he is now

a n a tu ra lised “ G ingerbeer.”Grace P a lo t ta , from th e G aiety Thea­

tre , London, has been secured for the new . production , “ So long, Le tty , ’ ’ and Miss Cissy Twang is appealing n igh tly before la rge audiences in “ The C anteen .”

A society has recently besn forme 1 under d istinguished patronage, for the up lift of the dram a dur­ing the present tr ip of H.M.N.Z. Troopship, No. 38.

The first w ork chosen for the pre­sen ta tio n of th e jo in t production of those ris ing young d ram a tis ts ,

Cargul and C risp, b o th of whom are already well known to us.

We append the program m e, revealing a caste which s h o u ld give a m ag­nificent perform ance.

“ WHO STOLE* TH E DOCTOR’S ACID DROP ?”

D ram atis Personae.

Lady F lo ra ...................... L ieu t Reeves.(A v illage belle.)

Gideon Gorge ......... C haplain Walls.(A bold, bad m an in P u rsu it of

th e Lady F lo ra .)

H ubert S t. Guinevere, L ieut. Sumner(A r ig h t perfect gentlem an, the

chosen of Lady F lo ra .)

B aron H ector Tw itchgrass, L ieut.Buehler.

(The Lord of th e M anor, and fa­th e r to th e L ady F lo ra , unbe­

known to her.)

S arah S lap sk itt le 1......... L ieut. Biss.(Second housem aid a t the M anor)

F i F i .............................. L ieut. Chivers.

(Lady F lo ra ’s m aid—a p e rt m inx )Baroness Delphine D auvray, Capt.

W illiams.

(A French adventuress, w ith de­signs on B aron T w itchg rass.)

Bertie Tw itchgrass, C.B. L ieut.Vercoe.

(Younger son of the B aron and responsible for the loss of

the acid d rop .)

■Villagers, U ndertakers, Yokels, Fishwives and Publicans.

Synopsis :

A ct I.

Scene I .—The village pump (a c l a n ­destine m eeting.)

Scene I I .—The same pump (Lady

(F lo ra ’s love revealed).Scene I I I .—The village pump agaia.

(A w om an’s grief—Bertie T w itchgrass’s perfidy).

F our years elapse here (to perm it of an adjournm ent to the canteen).

Act I I .

Scene I .—Lady F lo ra ’s Boudoir (the p lo t th ickens.—Gideon Gorge discovers the acid drop).

Scene I I .—P riv a te b a r a t the P ig and Whistle. (Terrible death of the Baron T w itchgrass).

The whole produced under the di­rec t supervision of the B oatsw ain 's staff.

Inc iden ta l music by H err S lap iton and P riv a te A rchibald.

Row boats and lifelines a t 10.1.) p.m.

T a h iti R acing C lu b .

Officials :P a tro n , Capt. 0 . W. W illiams. Judge, L ieut. Vercoe.S ta r te r , Capt. Walls.H andicapper, Capt. Coursey. Timekeeper, L ieut. Simpson.Clerk of the Course,' Capt. L ittle ,

N.Z.M.C.Clerk of the Scales, Capt. C. T.

Cox.S tew ards : The B osun’s F atigue .

TH E CANTEEN STA K ES.—A sweep­s take of One Thousand Sovs. the w inner to receive £140 (more or less) ; second, £130 (more or

less) ; th ird , £120 (more or less); the balance of the stake to go t j th e “ Old Soldiers’ Gingerbeer F und .”- u

C onditions : Weight for age.Course : W ellington to Suez, v ia

A lbania.Distance : A bout 100,000 miles, over

13 flights of hurdles.Open to officers ■ of H.M. ships and

the arm y. Gentlemen riders only. ■Professional jocks, barred .

N om inations : Compulsory, to close w ith the P riv a te Secretary a t & p.m.

on Ja n u a ry 16, 1916.Weights will be declared a t 8 p.-n. •

on Ja n u a ry 18, 1916. N ote : The g rass tra ck being closed, a ll tra in - ing is res tric ted to the sand and plough tracks . T ra iners requiring ta n m ust provide i t a t th e ir own expense.

Pneum atic shoes are barred as they are too silent. All hurdles to be a t le a s t 2ft. 9in. high. Competi - to rs using deck chairs as hurdles will be penalised.

Training no tes w ill be published periodically and com petitors are re- qtuested to send in th e ir own notes to the S porting E d ito r of the “ Ven­t i la to r .”

(We have to acknowledge our in- • debtedness to. the m agazine of the S ix th Reinforcements from which the above is adap ted .—E d.)

A ncient H isto ry

C ertain recent happenings on the s ta rb o a rd side of the b oa t deck re­m ind us of th e way in which h is to ry repea ts itse lf. There reposes in the London Museum an ancient ta b le t, bearing the following traces of a lengthy in scrip tion :—. . '. ST. ALBAN’S GREATE TOURNEY, HOLDEN . . MENYE GALLANT KNIGHTES . . . F lN - ALLYE . . . YCLEPT STRUTH-

EYS . . NOT . . YCLADDE . MIGHTYE ARMES . . . . WYTHE LYTTLE GEORGE TO ASSYSTE .. . ON H IS ENEMYE - . v N E I ­TH ER WERE THEY RAPYDE . . . FOUGHTE TERRYBLE HARDE . . A BLOUDYE BATTLE . . LITTLE GEORGE DID CHEWE HYS MO . . BOTH WENTE DOWNE WYTHE MENYE STRAUNGE OATHES TO YE DISMAYE OF C COMPANYE . .. . . GREATELY ASTONlED . .

TRYPPYNGE.

That F Company’s popular O.C. has been lecturing the boys on thf< dangers of the East,

8 THE VENTILATOR.

Thanks.

We desire to thank, through the columns of our newspaper, all those from whom gifts were received lupon our departure from New Zealand.

They have added very materially to our comfort and enjoyment. In many cases they have helped to res­tore to a state of convalescence those who found themselves less a t upon dry land. If these good peo- home upon the sea than they were pie of New Zealand could see t he ex cellent use th a t is being made of tht* good things which their generosity and forethought have provided the\

would need no further testimony to the genuineness, of our appreciation.

We desire especially to acknowledge a gift of 12 cases of measles re­ceived from Trentham. We hope tha t someday we shall be able to return the compliment#

Boxing,

Both among the initiated and the uninitiated boxing has a strong fol­lowing. On the troopship its popu - larity is very evident. The exhibi­tions given nightly on the boat deck are many of them quite good, thougn the onlookers are apt to crowd in upon the contestants and hinder their free movement. However, things should improve now th a t a committee has been formed to watch boxing m atters, look after the ma­

terial, encourage beginners and see th a t meetings are conducted in an orderly fashion. Boxing is one of the

best means of keeping fit on board ship. Quite apart from this i t is one of the finest sports in the world, develops1 every muscle in the •body, calls for quick thinking and prompt action, and teaches an ad­mirable self control. Wild and wool­ly fights are to be discouraged and beginners would do well to spar oc­casionally with some of the more sea­soned boxers, even a t the risk of a knock or two.

As to the men themselves we ha/e some capable boxers and many who show promise. Private Kruse is a strong fighter and with a more in­tim ate knowledge of the finer points should make a good boxer.

The Manning brothers have been much in evidence lately and can al­ways be relied on to give a good scientific exhibition. I t will be re ■ membered th a t they won their res­pective weights a t Trentham.

Private Curran is very keen and uses his hands to some purpose. He was also seen a t Trentham, being runner-up in the welter class.

We should like to see more of Pri­vate Johns, of C Coy. When last seen with the gloves on a t Taubers- nihau, he was developing into a good boxer.

There was considerably too much “ woolly” business in a arecent spar between Privates O’Brien and H art. Take i t steadier, lads, and you’ will do better and learn more.

Private Atkinson, of E Coy., has been prominent on the boat deck lately. He is an aggressive fighter,

with forceful methods.

Private Dowd, also of E Coy., js

a smart, nippy boxer and should give a good display in an exhibition spar

Private Higgins usually provides plenty of amusement. His style is a little awkward, bu t has an advan­tage in th a t i t is rather puzzling to an opponent. He would do well to put more 1 weight behind his blows.

We hope to see more of the begin­ners during the next week or two.

Le cture .

An interesting lecture of “ Soldierly S p irit” will be given by one of the officers on Thursday next in the bar­

ber’s shop. A very large audience is expected.

The Ventilator.

The following were mainly respon­sible for the experim ent of publishing the ship’s magazine. Committee : Captain Chaplain Walls, Captain Chaplain Coursey, Lieut. G. A. Mills, Lieut. J . Chivers (Secretary), Lieut. JI. C. Mcikle (Editor'), Rfm. A. N-: Field, of F Company (Sub-Editor).

The thanks of the E ditor are due to those volunteer compositors from the troopship., who worked all night and by their efforts made i t possible to finish the printing in time.

Prin ted by W. F. Forster & Co., Y ork-street, Albany, for the H .M .N.Z.T., No. 38,