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Jay KernerPublisher/Pea Picker Upper

Some readers may remember a piece in this space from 18 months back, where we talked about our then, new position south of town, and our new “horrible” boss.

We’re asked about the situation a fair bit, so we thought an update might be in order.

First, we’re still burning up 169 South. We know the curves in both directions.

We know how to adjust the sun-visors for the time of day and weather conditions.

We know who is growing what, who has what for sale along the road and where the school busses stop.

Our commute can take as little as 38 minutes if you hit everything just right, or as long as an hour and ten minutes when you don’t.

Once you get there, you have to assess the situation. First you peek to see if her door is open or closed. If it’s closed, BE QUIET! It’s always better when she determines the start of the business day instead of you or anyone else.

If the door is open, you know she is out already and on the prowl. Your senses on full alert, you hear the sound of children’s programing and follow it carefully. Early video can be a sign she woke up cranky.

She’ll be two next month and as a clear indication of how advanced she is in every way, my tiny boss started her terrible two’s early. Way early.

Child Psych people can give you chapter and verse on why the vast majority of babies go through this period of testing boundaries. But that is little consolation to the child care worker whose duties are not far removed from that of prison guards.

First their charges have to be contained and constrained for their own safety (and everyone else’s). Gates and locks on everything. Because they are NEVER, not thinking escape.

You have to monitor what goes in to them and what comes out. You regulate their exercise their sleep and their enter-tainment.

You have to be constantly on guard for contra-band.

They’ll hide anything in their mouth. Or other places!

Despite all diligence, we’ve recovered coins, stamps, rocks and sticks. All manner of small plastic detritus.

She’ll dig a bottle or a sippy cup out of some secret stash, where the contents have turned into a crude form of alcohol. Not alcohol anybody on the outside would drink, but she works with what she has and will eat or drink just about anything, and fight tooth and nail when you try to take it away.

She’ll palm cutlery of any kind.She can turn ordinary toys into weapons. That

sounds funny to anybody that hasn’t taken a round-house to the nose with a talking plastic teapot.

She throws food and her arm is getting better all the time.

She always knows what she wants and she always wants it now. Then she wants something else.

Like videos. The parental units dole it out a little at a time, because she’d sit in front of it mesmerized all day if you’d let her. Kid loves her shows.

But she wants the same one over and over. Till she finally demands another from her short list of faves, which she then wants over and over.

You try to distract her with other choices but she’s caught on to that trick. She’ll ask for what she wants fairly pleasantly at first. Unless you say no or give any other answer than the one she demands. Then things escalate quickly.

Like she’s crazy for minions. You know the little yellow guys from the Despicable Me movies.

She’ll say, “Watch minions?”I’ll say how about some other title this time.Stare. “NO.” “Minions”.“But what about …”“NO!” “MINIONS!”The last one is often shouted while she grabs my chin whiskers like a

handle and pulls me to look in her eyes while she does it.She blames me for any gap in our communications, often frustrated

by my shortcomings in translating her unique vocal stylings.You might wonder why a right thinking person, such as oneself,

would put up with all this abuse.Simple. I’m a sucker for the snuggles and the hugs. And for listening while she reads me books. Sort of. Some real

words, some not. For the dancing and the wrestling.For the pure joy on her face when we first come in. (Most of the

time).And most of all, it’s for her heart-melting little “I love you, Jaybird!”

that gets me every time I hear it.

Horrible Boss II

Contact The Regular Joe816-617-5850

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P.O. Box 1304 St. Joseph, Mo. 64502

Read us onlinewww.theregularjoepaper.com

By Shannon Bond

It usually begins with a simple look in the mirror or a winded climb up the stairs. You reach the top and ask yourself, “What happened?” This starts the thought process and before you know it, you realize that you’ve put on thirty pounds without realizing it. It could be the office job, a busy family life, or the simple act of losing track. It’s not just inactivity that creeps up on us, it’s that diet, too. It’s easy to choose convenience over healthful. It’s also easy to snack, especially if you stare at a com-puter all day. Big meals, rich in carbohydrates, and decreased exercise is a sure way to pack on extra pounds.

It’s not just the pounds that we have to worry about though. It’s our heart rates. A higher heart rate can easily add 15,000 extra beats a day. Add inactivity, which deconditions the heart (remem-ber it’s a muscle), and you may be shaving years off your life. The risk of diabetes, high cholester-ol and a host of other problems, and it’s a picture most of us would like to avoid painting. How-ever, since the damage isn’t quick like pulling a trigger or falling off a cliff, many of us do splash the canvas of our lives with health problems.

The good news is that you can start your climb out of a sedentary lifestyle with a simple plan. First, decide on a goal. It can, and should, be simple. Lose weight, be healthier, feel better, or better yet, make it a more tangible goal like a race or walk. Why not compete in a local race, like a 5k, cycling event, or sprint triathlon. May-be you’ve always wanted to hike that local trail. Set that calendar-driven goal and start training for it. The funny thing is that if you fo-cus on an event, the weight comes off, you feel better, and get healthier without ever fixating on those things. They just happen along the way.

But, beware of mak-ing your goals too lofty or far off. You want your first goal to be a challenge, but attainable, and geographi-

cally accessible. If climbing Mount Everest is on your list, but you’ve lived in Arizona your whole life and have zero idea of where to begin, maybe it’s time to reevaluate. Shorter, attainable goals keep you motivated and hungry for more. Victory feels good, it’s that simple.

Next, after you’ve decided what your goal is, think about how you’re going to get there. Are you going to hire a trainer or start going to the gym? If it’s a running goal, how are you going to track your miles, times, calo-ries, etc. My best advice here is to look at local groups with the same interest. There are usu-ally swim, running, and cycling

clubs. Ask around at local shops and gyms (the YMCA is a great resource as well as your local fitness shops). Related to finding an in-person group is finding the right technology, which comes with a social aspect.

Now-a-days that technology, such as a run-ning watch, activity tracker, or bike computer, comes with a software platform ready for you to dive into. Strava and Garmin, for example, have online communities with other athletes (both pro and amateur) that you can follow and interact with. It’s important to track workouts, set goals, and keep yourself on the path. Instragram is another good source of motivation since you can follow athletes from all over the world as they train for their next events (I follow several runners, cyclists, and triathletes). I firmly believe that if someone else can do it, so can I (just maybe not as fast).

Third, and last, use that technology as your coach. Open the calendar and set your goals. You can set calorie, miles, time spent, or any other type of goal. Make them weekly so you can experience victory along the way. It’s not about what you do once in a while (we all eat donuts), it’s about what you do consistently. Without using software, despite our best efforts and ideas to the contrary, it is hard to really see our trends. With software though, we can see step, activity, nutrition, and goal averages over time. This helps us adjust where we need to, just like a coach would.

If you’re really interested in using technol-ogy as a coach, stay tuned for a Joe Adventure workshop being hosted by Cycle City this win-ter. We’ll talk about what it takes to make (and stick with) your goals. And, we’ll show you, hands on, what that software and those running watches, activity trackers, and bike computers can do. If you bring yours in with your smart-phone or computer, or pick one up from Cycle City that night, we’ll set it up with you and help you get started. We’re even going to raffle off a couple of activity trackers. I hope to see you all there and don’t forget that fitness is an adven-ture.

Get Healthy in One, Two, Three

By J. Christe

Run out and get it, right now. I realize the previous sentence may have ruined the rest of this review. If so, so be it. The copy I listened to was read by Sissy Spacek, who did a wonderful job. Her inflection was perfect and her character voices did not remove the reader from the story. She does both male and female voices well. She is especially adept at capturing young Scout, our protagonist, as she struggles through her coming of age story. She is faced with adult issues, complete with their subtleties, and horrible prejudice, as her father navigates the legal system, fighting for the life of a black man in the deep south.

The narrator, and how they capture the characters, is so important when producing an audio book. It is often a risky endeavor as a producer and a listener. There is always the chance, similar to the conversion of a book to a movie, that the producers will miss the mark. The result of this being the devastation of a story or character. In this case, Spacek delivers brilliantly on this powerful book, written by Harper Lee.

While I understand that many of us were forced to read this at some point in our academic careers, it’s important to note that this time was so much more enjoyable. I’m not certain if it was the audio book performance or the fact that there were no grades involved. Either way, it is well worth a listen (or read I’m sure), whether it’s your first or second time. I can’t com-ment on a third yet, but you never know.

To Kill a Mockingbird: The Audio Book Experience

ASE Certified

Jay KernerPublisher/Roadside Patron

We stop for Kool-Aid stands. Pretty much every one we see.And lemonade stands.And pretty much any operation run by kids.We like to banter with them, see if they’re on

the ball.Let me tell you, we’ve met some shrewd opera-

tors in tiny packages and drunk more than our share of bad Kool-Aid.

Warm.No sugar.Too much water.Others that leave you begging for water.A dedicated consumer has to ask, “Where is the

quality control?”We like a stand where Mom is hovering nearby,

but letting the kids handle the transactions for the most part.

We want to conduct our business with the youngsters but we’re ok with mom making sure it wasn’t made with toilet water.

So, since we consider ourselves connoisseurs of the children’s roadside beverage industry, we offer the following tips, based on our years of experience.

#1 Try to keep your fingers, (and toes) out of our cup. Especially after it’s full.

#2 When you overfill it, don’t take a big sip before handing it over.

#3 Try to keep the grass and leaves to an abso-lute minimum.

#4 Make everything a dollar. If it’s a quarter, we’re giving you a dollar anyway. If it’s a dollar, you might get two!

#5 Make eye contact and talk to people. It’s why we stop. Don’t just cower behind your mama’s legs.

(Unless your mom is smokin’ hot of course, not that this writer notices such things.)

#6 Younger siblings may seem superfluous to the operation, but add ambiance that can’t be dupli-cated. Teaching them to smile or wave on command is actually worth big bucks in the tip jar.

#7 Puppies are good too. Just try and keep them out of the Kool-Aid.

#8 Say thank you with enthusiasm and mean it. You can learn some important stuff about the

world, running a Kool-Aid stand if you pay atten-tion.

Like, most people are nice. Not everybody, but most.

And most folks appreciate effort, especially in

the young, and try to support it.Especially when that support can be measured in pocket change.And we’ll trade a buck or two anytime for some lousy Kool-Aid

handed over by some smiling kids.

Drinking the Kool-Aid

Brew Top Pub North8614 N. BoardwalkFri 9/4 Casi Joy @ KC-NSat 9/5 The Disappointments @ KC-NFri 9/11 Transients @ KC-NSat 9/12 Switch @ KC-NFri 9/18 Montage @ KC-NSat 9/19 Dolewite @ KC-NFri 9/25 Twice On Sunday @ KC-NSat 9/26 The Clique @ KC-N

Fat Fish Blue7260 NW 87th in Zona RosaLive Music Most Weekends

Sherlock’s Underground858 S 291 LibertyEvery Wed at 8pm Oasis

The Hideout6948 N. OakEvery Thursday is Bike Nite withDave Hayes Band, Levee Town, andBlue 88 Open blues jam Sundays, 7 p.m.

Pat’s Pub1315 Swift Every Wed nite Open Jam hosted by RobGray

Wabash BBQ1 Elm Street, Excelsior Spr.Sept 12th Shannon & Rhythm King BandSept 19th Outlaw Jim & The Whiskey Benders

Live Music Hi-Lites across the Northland

Danny R. Phillips

Brian Shank, local drummer, sits down when he pees.

This is just one of the things I learned about Brian Shank, (photo by Karen Pruitt), a person I have called a good friend since he ar-rived in St. Joseph three years ago. Though I have known him for his entire stretch here in our fair city, I have not known the young Mr. Shank at all.

Although I am one for tattoos, punk rock and nearly everything left of center, my first impression of Brian was, most likely, the same one as nearly everyone he encounters in life. I saw a rocka-billy drummer with greased up hair, arms cov-ered in tattoos of every size of shape or subject matter, a leather jacket (that, it turns out was his mother’s in the 1970s) and rose-lensed Rayban glasses. Many people I am sure see Brian this way, a drummer cribbing his personal style from the gearheads and hot rodders of the 1950’s; but, if people on the street only go by first impres-sions and preconceived notions, then sadly they do not know the true Brian Shank.

One evening, Shank came to my downtown apartment and sat for an interview, a discus-sion on his life as a musician, barber, minister, seminary graduate and many other puzzles that make up the centered man that he is today. Over our two-hour discussion and many since, I have learned handfuls of things that have broadened my view of my friend, the Rockabilly Barber.

1. He sits when he pees, not out of lazi-ness but out of a desire to not make a mess of his bathroom. Upon sharing this information one night at Magoon’s, Shank’s bandmate and St. Joseph music prodigy Colby Walter exclaimed, “Put a post script in there saying I sit down to pee, too. My brother isn’t alone on this one.”

2. In the eighth grade, Brian intentionally flunked regular classes and Special Education as, in his words, “It was an experiment, a way to protest standardized testing in public schools. Schools aren’t teaching for kids to learn, they are teaching so kids can do well on state tests to make the schools look good.” The school decided to combine the hours and move him to the next grade.

3. His most favorite song of all time is The Pixies’ “Where is my Mind?” His personal theme music however is the Ernest Tubb classic “Drivin’ Nails in My Coffin.”

4. Shank graduated Summa Cum Laude (the top of his graduating class) from Boyce College of Southern Baptist Seminary in Louis-ville with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Biblical and Theological Studies.

5. He was a cosmetologist in New York for five years.

6. He ministered to kids and the homeless on the streets for eight years.

7. His personal drum hero, the first that made an impact on his style of playing in the years that followed is the one and only Dave Grohl. His personal local drum god is the ex-ceptional Jesse Boley.

8. His parents Bill and Bridgit Shank live in St. Joseph and have been married since 1992. Brian was unsure of the exact date when prompted.

9. Shank has a 6-year-old daughter in New York he rarely sees. “I’ve collected all my re-cordings, fliers, stories, anything I could for my daughter so when she’s old enough to ask, she’ll know who I am through my story.”

10. He laments the end of St. Joseph band The Souveneers. “We had high hopes for that band, we were touring, doing well, making a bit of money then it all just fell apart. It’s sad but it happens unfortunately”

11. He is a huge fan of rockabilly legends Charlie Feathers, Gene Vincent, Eddie Cochran, and Wanda Jackson. He likes hardcore punk (the Misfits being his favorite). He loves the Misfits so much in fact, that he has lyrics from the band tattooed across his chest that “I’m The American Nightmare” and he threatens to steal my Danzig concert shirt every time he sees it. Danzig was the original lead singer of The Misfits. Therefore, by default, he must have said shirt.

12. I once gave him a button I purchased

at Sun Records in Memphis. He nearly cried, hugged me and wears it in a place of honor. He says, to this day, it is one of his most prized pos-sessions. If you do not know the significance of Sun Records, then you need to get out more.

I would love to share more of the gems I learned about my friend, but spacial concerns and common decency have given me restraint. This is something I can say: If you ever see Brian walking down the street in his Roy Or-bison eyeglasses, black pants and black t-shirt, stop and say hello, spark up a discussion and see what you could learn from the centered, enig-matic Mr. Brian Shank. Maybe you will learn something. That is never a bad thing, right?

Author’s Note:People You Should Know is a column I’ve

decided to do from time to time in The Regular Joe as a way for people that may not be “in the know” to get the great business owners, musi-cians, artists and anyone else that pops in my mind. There are wonderful, intelligent people with much to offer in this town and as the great Husker Du frontman Bob Mould once sang, “It’s time to shine a little light.”

Brian Shank, Rockabilly Barber

I’ve never seen anything quite like it in my 20 years of service in the natural products industry. Essential oils, the distilled liquid essences of plants, comprise the fastest growing area of interest and it shows no signs of slowing down. Driving the fascination with essential oils is a desire to use the natural substances of nature to address health challenges in an era of skyrocketing healthcare costs and dealing with frustrating medical bureaucracies. Also, two multi-level marketing essential oils companies based in Utah have recruited thousands of people, mainly women, to use their products and encourage others to do the same. But the bottom line, is, that for many, pure essential oils seem to be effective in addressing a plethora of conditions--everything from emotional imbalance to immunity, and generally without the side effects so common with both prescription and over-the-counter medications. Essential oils have been used for millennia. In fact, they are men-tioned many times in the Bible, but the modern interest in their use prob-ably began with a French chemist in the early part of the 20th Century who burned his hand badly one day while performing an experiment. He so happened to have a bottle of lavender oil on his bench and instinctively poured it over the burn, experiencing near instant relief. Lavender, in fact, is to this day regarded as the queen of essential oils. It is said not only to soothe burns of all kinds, but also to promote a feeling of tranquility and induce restful sleep at night. Other popular oils include peppermint for digestion and stimulation;

lemon for cleaning purposes; eucalyptus for relieving nasal and bronchial congestion; and oregano for fighting viruses. Because it takes so much plant material to distill essential oils, applications just take a few drops and the oils are said to be up to 75 times as effective as herbs. According to Simplers Botanicals Aromatherapy Guide to Essential Oils, the molecules in oils are so small they can vaporize and enter the body through the nose, thus gaining immediate access to the limbic system of the brain which controls emotion and memory. The oils can also be applied topically either “neat” or diluted with a carrier oil such as almond, and some of them, but certainly not all, can be ingested internally for their beneficial properties. For those who are interested in the science behind essential oils, Aromaweb.com is a good beginning resource. At A-Z we feature a high quality line of pure essential and carrier oils at reasonable prices. We also have accessories such as roller and spray bottles plus inhalers and diffus-ers. In addition we stock alphabetized guides to essential oils as well as complimentary usage cards. Finally, we have testers for almost all of the essential oils and you are welcome to come in and take a whiff! You might just find that essential oils are essential, indeed, for your DIY natural medicine cabinet.

Fragrantly yours,

James Fly

Essential Oils Explosion

The downtown Arts and En-tertainment District is progressing with high quality art and enter-tainment options. The Allied Arts Council kicked off year two of the sculpture walk downtown with an impressive seventeen statues located throughout the district. The walk is fun to take with fam-ily or friends. Pick up a brochure and vote for your favorite piece of artwork. One of the pieces will be selected for purchase next year. The Allied Arts Council is also going to commission another traf-fic box to be turned into a piece of art. Due to funding cuts from the State of Missouri, the St. Joseph Downtown Community Improvement District has agreed to provide the funding for this project. This will be the fourth traffic box that the Allied Arts Council has commissioned to be painted. The traffic box selected to be the next work of art is the one at 6th and Edmond (next to the Ground Round).

Four more murals have been commissioned to be painted downtown. The murals being painted on the buildings ad colorful creativity to the downtown district. The first one to be painted was part of the project by Mosaic Life Care to build a concession stand and outdoor seating area at the corner of 7th and Felix Street. The mural was painted on the wall of the building housing the Rendezvous Bar at 619 Felix St. The mural depicts a music theme to go along with the entertainment that takes place at Coleman Hawkins Park at Felix Street Square across the street.

Another mural in the process of being painted is a civil war theme on the west side of the Ballinger Building at 620 Edmond Street. This mural was originally to be part of the Westward Migration Mural that was paint-ed last year on the backs of the buildings between 5th and 6th Street and facing Edmond St. however, it didn’t work out with the existing building elements so the decision was made to move it to another wall.

The third in this series of murals will be painted on the east wall of 518 Felix Street. The property owner commissioned this mural to be of a Sac and Fox tribesman. Sam Welty is the artist on these three murals.

The St. Joseph Downtown Partnership commissioned mural artist, Grace McCammond from St. Louis and local artist Daniel Ramming to create a paint-by-number mural to be painted by the Griffon Edge students from Missouri Western State University on August 29th. The mural will painted on the wall surrounding the parking lot at the Joyce Raye Pat-terson Center and depict a day in the park. Griffon Edge is a community service day for incoming freshmen students at the University to get better acquainted with the community and to give back to the community by doing various service projects. The St. Joseph Downtown Community Improvement District provided the funding for the artist. Other partners to make this and other downtown projects viable include Missouri Western State University, City of St. Joseph, Habitat for Humanity, JoAnne Grey, Royce Balak and Greg Bigham. Volunteers from Leadership St. Joseph, Junior League, the Downtown Association and the St. Joseph Downtown Community Improvement District will lend their assistance the day of the event for the downtown projects.

As far as entertainment options downtown, Coleman Hawkins Park at Felix Street Square will be alive with great events in September. Joestock, a three day music festival featuring thirty local bands will take place over Labor Day Weekend, September 4th through the 6th. On September 11th and 12th it’s the Coleman Hawkins Blues Festival; September 19th is Irishfest and September 25th and 26th is the Bluegrass Battles Hunger Festival.

New Businesses DowntownVisit one of these new businesses downtown!Just Desserts by Mom will be opening September 1st at 505 Felix Street. They will be open Tuesday – Friday from 7 am to 2 pm and Saturday

from 8 am – 2 pm serving your favorite desserts and lunch items. To order a special dessert call 344-0969.Fry’s Corner is a new full service restaurant located inside the Holiday Inn Riverfront Hotel at 102 S. 3rd St. Open daily from 6 am to 10 pm.Pink Salt features a new American Bistro menu. They are now open at 614 Francis St. They are open Monday-Friday from 11 am to 2 pm and

Friday and Saturday nights at 5 for dinner. Reservations are required for dinner. The number for the restaurant is 259-5098.The Tiger’s Den is a used book store and cocktail lounge located at 517 Felix St. Hours for the business are Tuesday – Wednesday from 11 am to

11 pm and Thursday – Saturday from 11 am to 1 am.Nesting Goods is a retail store that sells unique and hand-crafted home goods. They are open Monday – Saturday from 10 am to 6 pm at 817 Fran-

cis St.Skateboard Everything features handcrafted items, many made from skateboards! They are open Thursday – Saturday at 124 N. 8th St.

St. Joseph’s Downtown Arts and Entertainment District

Where to gowhen you come to

St. Joe

BRITISH INVASION NIGHT & ALL BRITISH CAR SHOW

Saturday & Sunday, September 5th & 6th Saturday - Town Square | Sunday - Dillard’s 2nd Level Parking Garage The British are coming! The British are coming!The Kansas City All British Car Show is returning to Zona Rosa - Visit the KC ALL British website for additional information!

ST. THERESE BODY, MIND & SPIRIT 5K Monday, September 7 Town Square and the streets of Zona Rosa Participate in St. Therese’s annual 5K at Zona Rosa THIS LABOR

DAY!

ZONA ROSA ARTS FESTIVAL Friday, September 18th - Sunday, September 20th Town Square and the Streets of Zona Rosa The 12th annual Zona Rosa Arts Festival, September 18-20, 2015, is a

juried fine arts festival hosted by Zona Rosa.

GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR 5K Sunday, September 20th Town Square and the Streets of Zona Rosa Register for the Kansas City Get Your Rear in Gear® 5K Run/Walk

to help raise funds for colon cancer awareness efforts in the Kansas City area. Monies raised will stay in our community, helping with prevention, early detection and treatment, and healthy living projects for this disease. The event includes refreshments, tech shirts and marathon quality medals for age group winners. Get Your Rear in Gear provides a special opportu-nity to honor survivors and those lost to colon cancer in our community.

Participate. Get involved. Join the movement! »

CCKC FALL CAR SHOW Saturday, September 26, 9:00AM - 3:00PM Town Square and the Streets of Zona Rosa Join us for the CCKC Fall Car Show and check out a stunning collec-

tion of classic, modern and restored corvettes!

WHISPER WALK Sunday, September 27th Town Square and the Streets of Zona Rosa The annual 5K Whisper Walk/Run is an opportunity for those who

have been touched by ovarian cancer to walk in memory of loved ones and to express their support for research and education efforts.

September Events at ZONA ROSA