the program works writing. writing: it brings the scene to life

The Program Works

Writing

Writing: It brings the scene to life.

• Good yearbook copy tells people what they don’t already know• It shows the life, humor and fun of school• It must be both informative and interesting

Writing Copy

The assignment must be clearly defined.

• Decide on focus of story assignment in advance with writer– Discuss the topic – Brainstorm possible approaches to the story

o Example: Homecoming

– Could focus story around building of parade floats

– Writer has single topic to focus on

– Writer covers float building process by listening, observing and asking questions of participants

– Creative and focused coverage of the topic results in a unique and interesting story

Observing is the reporter’s job.

• Using his senses and by asking a few questions, the reporter notes– 14 floats, each with four to 10 people working on them– The weekend build had more than 36 hours devoted to it– Ambient noises such as nail guns, hammering and an

occasional “ouch”– Tubs of paint, open bags of chips, soda cans abandoned

Interviewing is the reporter’s job.

• By interviewing sources involved or in the know, the reporter gets facts and quotes– Which floats took the most time to build and why?– Whose float took the most tissue paper and how much?– What problems did the groups encounter?– How do individuals feel about the work they are doing?

Showing not telling.

• Engaging copy brings the event to the readers• Use writing that paints vivid word pictures for the readers• “Telling” isn’t as interesting to the readers as “showing”

– Telling usually reveals the writer’s opinions– Showing allows the reader to draw own conclusions

Telling vs. showing.

• Telling: Port-o-Potties are smelly places where no one likes to go. There

is usually a line of people waiting to use them. They are dark inside and there is a bench with a hole in it. There’s nothing to flush. They are only better than nothing at all.

• Showing: The 10 blue monoliths stand at the end of a muddy trail. The

stench tells of their presence even before the lines in front point the way. Both anxious and eager, concert-goers squirm as they wait, knowing that the turn of the plastic handle will provide relief, but not in a pleasant way.

“I consider not drinking anything before going to a concert,” said sophomore Joan Jackson. “I hate everything about Port-o-Potties. They smell and they never have paper.”

Evaluate the two examples.

• What are the words that show the reporter’s opinion

in the first one?

• What are the sensory words in the second one?

• What are the differences between the two?

Building blocks of a strong story.

• Quotes– A good quote is something not everyone can say

Anyone: “I really enjoyed the school carnival.”It lacks insight and is generic.Specific: “The carnival was great, but I ate so much

candy that I got sick in my best friend’s car. I paid for the car to go through the Quicky Wash, but the smell is still there.”

This quote tells a story and is something only that person could say.

Quotes: Ask the follow-up questions.

• The first thing people say is rarely quotable • Be prepared with “how” and “why” questions• Don’t use quotes to provide fact

“I sold 100 light bulbs for band.” is fact

Use the story-telling quote.

“Selling light bulbs was hard at first. I must have knocked on every door for two blocks before I figured out a plan. I asked them how long it had been since their front porch light had been changed. When they’d say they couldn’t remember, I offered them a new bulb, just in case.” tells more

Learn to paraphrase.

• While it was a great quote, it was too long• Reporters must learn to summarize the story and keep the meaty part

of the quote

Stan Smith explained how he became the band’s most successful light bulb salesperson. He said he tried the traditional way of knocking on doors before the “light bulb went on” for him.

“I must have knocked on every door for two blocks before I figured out a plan,” Smith said. “I asked them how long it had been since their front porch light had been changed. When they’d say they couldn’t remember, I offered them a new bulb, just in case.”

The second building block: details.

– Detailso Gather details that include statistics and accurate observationso Go beyond the obvious to find the interestingo Details enhance the copy and bring the story to life

Details provide endless story possibilities.

• In sports and activities– Statistics of teams and individuals, attendance at games

and performances, practice hours, miles on a bus, kinds of dance steps, kinds and numbers of instruments, expenditures for equipment, buses

• In academics– Enrollment in classes, study spots during exam week, number of

words used in writing assignments, number of pounds an average backpack weighs by grade, programs used on lab computers, comparative statistics for student-teacher ratios, numbers of math problems solved per week in specific courses and equipment numbers (from dry erase boards to computers and printers)

Details flesh out the story.

• In lifestyle stories (student life and people section)– iPod ownership, number of iPod songs, kinds of shoe styles or

hairstyles on a specific day, food consumption, food prices, food items on a plate or in a bag lunch, number of slogans on t-shirts, colors/models of cars in parking lots, buttons on clothes as well as who had the most bracelets, most earrings, most nose rings and most tattoos in a classroom or at an event

– Keep your eyes open for any bizarre or novel trends in your community

Quotes, detail and transition make for great stories.• Transitions

– Effective writing uses transitions to connect ideas– Transitions can be created by repeating pronouns and key words

and by using linking wordso Pronouns

– Pull the reader through the passage by starting each sentence with a repeated pronoun

» He walked the walk. He talked the talk. He made everyone believe he was a cowboy.

o Key words– Repetition of a key word emphasizes as well as moves the reader

through the passage. » It was hot. Hot enough to fry the proverbial egg. Hot enough to melt

ice cream before you could get it to your mouth. Hot enough to make a coach call off football practice.

» That’s how hot it was Aug. 15, the first day of summer practice.

Quotes, detail and transition make for great stories.

o Key words– Repetition of a key word emphasizes as well as moves the reader

through the passage. » It was hot. Hot enough to fry the proverbial egg. Hot enough to melt

ice cream before you could get it to your mouth. Hot enough to make a coach call off football practice.

» That’s how hot it was Aug. 15, the first day of summer practice.

Linking words.

• Use contrast, addition, cause and effect or a time element to move the reader through the sentence

– Contrast: Although…

– Addition: In addition to…

– Cause and effect: As a result of…

– Time element: After the…o Simple phraseo Short introductory phrases can be used to connect related sentences

– In home games, wide receiver Todd Pearson led the team…– In away games, he crossed the goal line…– In state competition, the junior star set two new records…

Coaching reveals the golden nuggets.

• In a coaching conversation with a yearbook staff member

– Ask helpful questions that help flush out and focus the story

– Determine if enough information has been gathered or where more is needed

• The goal of coaching is to give the writer or editor directed control of the story, tightening and focusing the story content to minimize the number of rewrites

• As a result of good coaching, the reporter narrows down the information to the most interesting, golden nuggets

A sample coaching session.

• Editor: So you went to the float building this weekend? What surprised you?

• Writer: I couldn’t believe how complicated some of the floats were. One float was put together by the Home Ec and the Mechanical Engineers Club. The result was a float with moving parts, lights and sound. They also created the coolest costumes for the people riding on the float. And everything was made by the club members.

• Editor: Really. So how’d they pull it off.

• Writer: The ME Club started working on the float a month ago. They had cars that ran on a track and a bridge that went up and down over a river. The river was made of foil streamers blown by a fan underneath. The riders were dressed up in NASCAR-like outfits. A big race car was formed out of crepe paper. They really made the homecoming theme “Going somewhere fast” work for them.


• Editor: Did you get any good quotes?• Writer: I think so. Harold Remsfeld talked about how hard it was

to get the bridge to line up. They missed the calculation by a couple of inches. Harold told me, “ You know what happens when a bridge doesn’t match up? You get a lot of race cars in the river. We finally got some industrial-sized rubber bands and ran them on hooks on the flooring to pull the left side in place. Barbara Merkle thought someone was getting fresh with her when one rubber band broke and popped her on the rear end. We all laughed so hard we nearly cried.”

• Editor: That’s a great quote. You know to paraphrase all but the last part, right?


• Writer: Oh yeah. I’ll just summarize the part about the bridge not matching up. I’ll quote the part about the rubber band and Barbara.

• Editor: Do you have at least two other anecdotes?• Writer: Yes, and quotes to go with each of them.• Editor: Look forward to seeing your first draft tomorrow then.

Collecting and organizing the information.

• Credibility is essential — of reporters and of information– Credibility is gained through

o Careful preparation for interviews, including getting background information

o Content that includes quotes from multiple sourceso Content that reflects the facts, multiple angles & colorful

descriptions

• Avoid overuse of the same people throughout the book– Create a list of students as they are quoted and check to

make sure they aren’t used in numerous stories

A story is only as good as the information you gather.

• Guidelines to assist in gathering useful, substantive and colorful data– Be interested– Don’t ask yes or no questions– Look for good quotes– Find out the details– Get the stories — not just the names of the people involved

What is a lead?

• A lead is an introduction and window into the story. It grabs the readers and draws them in. It’s the “Wow, I didn’t know that” aspect of the story

• Leads should be 25 – 40 words in length

• A transitional paragraph called a “nut graph” follows the lead, telling reader what the story is about and provides transition into the rest of the story

Types of leads.

The three cars raced side by side as they whizzed around the curve and into the straightaway. The blue one edged in front before its driver realized that a disaster lay ahead.The drawbridge was coming up. He would plunge into the river below.

“I’ve got to remember about that darn bridge during the parade,” said Phillip Stone, senior and president of the Mechanical Engineers Club. “If we don’t, the empty track is going to look pretty silly.”

More than 3,000 student hours were put into the homecoming parade. Each of the 14 floats had a story to tell.

The anecdote

Nut graph

• Anecdote - uses one incident to represent a bigger picture

Types of leads.

• Contrast — uses extremes — big with little, age with youth,

rich with poor.

It took 3,600 hours to make it happen and only 30 minutes for it to be over.

“It kind of reminds me of Christmas morning,” said Lisa Gowens, a sophomore who helped build the Pep Club float. “It’s all excitement and joy and then it’s over, nothing left but the wrapping paper and boxes.”

Types of leads.

• Parody - uses a well-known quote or phrase to entice the reader

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Two clubs combined to create a float that zoomed and careened and won first place as class-made cars flew around a track bustling with girls in custom costumes.

Another club found disaster when its float literally melted when one of the members turned a hose on the float.

Types of leads.

• Startling statement — consists of a single statement meant to surprise the reader.

The winner was a loser.

That’s what Stephanie Smith learned when she found out accepting Ms. Teen Oklahoma would mean that she wouldn’t be able to graduate with her classmates.

Types of leads.

• Single word — a rare lead but sometimes one that works well

Cheaters.

The entire AP English class was accused of cheating when each member scored a five on the AP test.

Types of leads.

• Description — describes a person, place or event to pull the reader into the scene

Telephone poles at major intersections bear the battered remains — bent nails, chunks of corrugated plastic signs and slivers of homemade posters.

A sign in the media promising “$50 to $75 an hour to use your home computer” wears a spray-painted spiral that obliterates most of the phone number, rendering the value of its illegal advertising nonexistent.

It’s a symbol of a student group sworn to reduce or do away with what its leader calls “street spam.”

Endings are important too.

• Endings are often overlooked as a powerful story element

• Endings should not be a “conclusion”– Conclusions are editorial, telling reader what to think

• Proper endings allow the reader to draw own conclusions– Could end a story with a quote — a source’s opinion rather

than writer’s– Could end a story with a reference to the lead idea,

providing closure

Endings shouldn’t be conclusions.

Once homecoming was over, it was time for all the students to get back to the real world. Everyone who worked on the floats enjoyed themselves, and those that watched the parade were astounded by all the hard work.

This example tells the reader what to think and is full of the writer’s opinion.

Endings should provide closure.

• Ways to end

Quote ending:

Sophomore Eddy Long barely finished working on the Spanish Club float before she announced that she couldn’t wait ’til next year’s float building.

“I don’t care how tired I was,” Long said. “I made friends and the float I worked on won third place. No one can take that away from me.

Endings should provide closure.

• Another way to end a story is The Wall Street Journal formula that takes the reader back to the lead for closureThe lead:

The three cars raced side by side as they whizzed around the curve and into the straightaway. The blue one edged in front before its driver realized that a disaster lay ahead.The close:

All the work and effort paid off for the Home Ec and ME clubs as they took first place at Friday night’s parade. And Stone was proud to say that no car ended up in the river.

“Practice did make perfect,” he said. “We got to where we knew when to accelerate and when to slow down but still leave people guessing whether the cars were going to crash into the river.”

Journalism has its own rules.

• Journalism follows the Associated Press rules of grammar and style, adhering to brevity and simplicity– Keep paragraphs short, under 40 words– Quotes stand as their own paragraphs– Attribution is almost always “said,” unless describing a speaker’s

tone– Use active voice– Use strong verbs and avoid adverbs– Use strong concrete nouns and descriptive adjectives– Use adjectives that describe, not editorialize– Write for rhythm– Don’t be afraid of the period– Yearbook copy is written in the past tense - it’s a history book

Headlines entice and then describe.

• Headlines set the tone for the story or subject– Straightforward for serious stories– Lighter and wittier for human-interest stories

• The main story on each spread should have both a main headline and a sub-headline– The main headline teases the reader into the story– The secondary headline summarizes the essence of the

story

Attributes of the main head.

• The main headline:– Often contains a clever twist– Doesn’t have to have a verb– May have a visual-verbal link to the dominant photo– May come from a brainstorming session– Is two to three times larger in type size than the secondary– Often is part of the design of the spread

Attributes of a secondary headline.

• The secondary headline:– Summarizes the story’s main theme or essence of the story– Conveys information different from that in the main headline– Is written like a sentence, containing a subject and a verb

but no period– Repeats no words or root words or ideas used in the main

headline

Headline examples.

• For a story on band

Main headline possibilitiesThe Music Men

Marching Orders

Putting the best foot forward

Secondary headline possibilities

Band takes top honors in state competition

Awards come easily for seasoned marching band

Headlines to avoid.

• Obvious and overused phrases

– Swimmers make a splash

– Wrestlers hit the mats

• Be clever by being original or by playing off of words that are familiar

– Red, white and blew

– Black to the future

– Valley of the dull

– Gloom service


• Guidelines for headline writing– Understand what the story is about. Read it carefully– Brainstorm for eye- and ear-catching words– Use action-packed verbs– Use present tense– Intrigue the reader with clever play on words– Emphasize the positive– Use single quotes marks– Replace “and” with a comma unless it doesn’t make sense– Use active voice (subject-verb-object)– Eliminate unnecessary words


• Headline no-nos– Repeating words from the main headline to the secondary headline– Using the past tense– Using names of individuals, organizations, teams or the word

“student”– Using periods– Using “a,” or “the”– Hyphenating words or phrases at the end of the line– Crossing the page gutter with any type– Using abbreviated words– Splitting verb phrases in a two or more line headline– Splitting a preposition from its object or an adjective from the word

it modifies

Captions: Copy everyone reads.

• Captions are the most read copy in yearbooks

• Captions must be researched as carefully as stories

– Interview the people in the photo to learn what was going on

– Find out relevant information — what happened before or after the photo was taken and what was the result of the action

• Find out factual details that help tell the story

– Number of cans of food collected, cost of tickets and dollars raised, pints of blood collected, how many students tried to donate blood

– Look for quotable quotes to include

• Begin captions with a lead-in, headline or other visual-verbal link

Rules for caption writing.

• Captions should begin with interest arousing words– Slogging through the water, junior Byron Smith carries the

10-pound bag of sand to the levy.– Hurt in the last play of the game, senior Ira Starter receives

attention from trainers for his broken ankle.– The rainbow signals the end of the 19 days of rain that kept

students inside for most of June.

Rules for caption writing.

• Captions should be written concisely and include specific information rather than broad general statements. The following examples are continuations of the captions started previously– Smith and 50 other students helped shore up the weakened

embankment near the school when the river crested at 15 feet above flood level.

– Trainers Stu Watts and Andrea Smith were able to stabilize Starter’s ankle until the ambulance arrived. Starter was out for four games.

– Amanda Critton and Sara Stutts lay their towels out by the pool to get some sun as the clouds finally clear.

Captions: Copy everyone reads.

• The information following the caption lead-in should follow these principles:

– Captions should add to the story told in the copy but not repeat anything elsewhere on the spread

– Captions should identify the main subjects in the photo

– Explain the action captured in the photo in present tense. Change to past tense for the rest of the caption

– Use colorful, descriptive verbs. Avoid “to be” verbs

– Captions are complete sentences unless used strictly for identification (such as on student portraits)

– Identify people appropriately but don’t over identify

– Captions are in third person

Caption design and typography.

• Captions need a consistent design • Staff should make decisions regarding typography and design

for group pictures and for candid photos– Group picture identifications should be consistent

o Identify people by rows, always starting at the same rowo Put the group name first, followed by row designation in italics

or boldface

– Each section needs a typographical lead-in to capture attention. Each section can have its own style

– All captions throughout the book should be the same size and font

Caption design and typography.

• Caption no-nos:– Don’t write what is obvious– Don’t repeat information that is already in the story– Never make up information– Don’t editorialize– Don’t use the first or second person, unless in a quote– Don’t use abbreviations unless they are widely understood– Never write “gag” captions– Avoid beginning with “a,” “an” or “the”– Avoid “to be” verbs– Do not show words coming from people’s heads or mouths– Do not say that someone does something while someone

looks on.

What information would help the writer create a good caption?

• What rally and against what team?

• When was it?

• Who are the subjects and what are they doing?

• How did their activity relate to other events that were occurring?

• What happened before or after the photo was taken?

• What was the final result?

Captions add to the whole story.

• Caption writers should do research and designers should leave adequate room for meaningful captions

• Don’t repeat information from the story or other places on the spread in the captions

• Make each piece of copy add to the readers’ understanding of events and their recall of experiences

Caption possibilities.• Lead in:

– It’s a team effort– Hands down– All fall down

• Caption: The wheelbarrow race at the McKinney rally in September pitted swimmers Blake Allen and Barbara Steele against players on other teams. Allen and Steele came in last place when Allen shoved Steele onto her face at take-off. “We should have practiced first,” Steele said. “But we’d both done the race before and thought we’d be OK.” James Crockett and Ester Lee, a combo football-cheerleader team, took first place.

Targeted editing: the way to achieve quality.

• Deadlines equal last-minute, often late-night rush• Headlines and captions are frequently left until last• Little time and little effort result in powerless words and bland

headlines• A special editing session for headlines and captions results in

fewer mistakes and stronger efforts on these most important copy blocks

Targeted editing.

• Step 1: headline editing – Editors and designated staff members read all headlines,

secondary headlines, sidebar heads and infographic titles– Headlines should fulfill their purpose– The style should be uniform within the section– Secondary headlines should fit the content of the copy

blocks both physically, with no hyphenation, and meaningfully so they relate to content

– Editors should suggest better ways to connect the main headline with the dominant

– Work to avoid wordiness, repetition, weak verbs, imprecise word choice and awkward line breaks

Targeted editing.

• Step 2: caption editing– Editors and staff members should do a second read

focusing only on the captions– Look for consistent style, strong verbs and meaningful

second sentences– Check for missing or incorrect information — a score or

statistic

Student Activity

WRITING

Assign stories and then have students get into groups of 3 or 4.a. Determine several possible story angles for each spread on the ladderb. Make a list of details to discover.c. Discuss sources and develop questions.

1

Student Activity

WRITING

Allow several days for students to interview and collect information.

2

Student Activity

WRITING

Meet with the groups to discuss the information gathered and possible ways to organize the story.

3

Student Activity

WRITING

Assign the first draft due in two days.4

Student Activity

WRITING

Conduct a peer edit. Look for interesting description, anecdotes and quotes. Suggest possible ways to organize the information. Identify a solid lead and closure. Mark holes in the story, where quotes need expanding or where more editing is necessary.

5

Student Activity

WRITING

Instruct the reporters to rewrite the story and turn in a second draft with the first draft stapled under it.

6

Student Activity

WRITING

Create a coaching group where the copy editor reviews the story with the peer group.

7

Student Activity

WRITING

Ask the reporter to rewrite the story and turn it in with previous drafts.

8

Student Activity

WRITING

Continue rewrites until the story is final.9

Student Activity

HEADLINES

Write a headline for a story about the start of the school year.

Consider the following facts:o Enrollment is up by 10%

o The air conditioning went out when it was 93 degrees outside

o Students got their schedules, located their lockers and found

out who were their locker mates

o A new schedule divided the lunch periods into three 40-minute

lunches instead of four 30-minute lunches.

Student Activity

HEADLINESThis is the dominant photo for the spread.

1. Brainstorm captions based on what you see in the photograph. Add to that what you know about the situation.

Student Activity


2. Divide into groups, and write several clever main headlines.

Student Activity


3. Share the main headlines. Discuss what works and what doesn’t with each headline.

Student Activity

HEADLINES

Brainstorming could result in these headlines:

Locked In,Three’s a Crowd, Red Hot and School Blues, Behind Closed Doors, The Gathering, A Turn for the Better/Worse, Finding One’s Space

Note how some of the headlines tie into the start of school and the fact that their air conditioning is out.

Student Activity

HEADLINES

Pick the main headline.

Write a secondary headline.

This one must be in present tense and summarize the story.

Possible secondary headlines.

Summer doldrums end as school daze begins

Longer lunch times greet diners with higher temperatures

Temperatures rise as school starts without air conditioning

Student Activity

Student Activity

CAPTIONS

Students get in groups of two or three and freeze themselves

into a photographic pose based on a scenario. Other students

interview them for details including the who, what where when,

why and how but also looking for important details about what

happened before or after. Also look for significant quotes.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS

Encourage students to ask questions of the people enacting the

photo to gather the significant information necessary for writing

good captions. They need to know who, what, where, when,

why and how, and also the important details about what

happened before and after the photo was taken.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS



interview them for details and then each class member writes a

caption.

Two students making slime in chemistry for a Halloween chemistry performance.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS




caption.

Students in a club being crammed into a Volkswagen for a club activity.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS




caption.

Students in the cafeteria participating in a taste test of new cafeteria food

offerings.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS




caption.

Three students working on the band car wash. One student is flagging cars

while the other two students are behind him washing cars.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS




caption.

A student changing a flat tire.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS




caption.

Cheerleaders pouring paint over one of their cheerleader friends.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS




caption.

Two girls doing crunches while a classmate lifts weights behind them.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS




caption.

A teacher getting hit in the face with a wet sponge thrown by students at a

carnival.

Student Activity

CAPTIONS




caption.

Students making and testing paper planes in physics.

Student Activity

Evaluate the captions.

The best yearbooks — ones that are read and reread — treat

each caption as a mini-story to enhance the value of the photo

and please the readers with details.

the program works writing. writing: it brings the scene to life

Documents

focus of story assignment

homecomingcould focus

strong story

reporters job

thing people

line of people

good quote

topic results