The Power of Words

You will not find anything new in this presentation about words. You will be reminded that WHAT we say, and HOW we say it, can, indeed, be important.

EVEN life changing.

Part One:What is a WORD?

Discussion: How would you define a word?

Dictionary Meaning: “a speech sound that symbolizes or communicates a meaning”

“a verbal signal”

Painting a Verbal Picture

What do good speakers and teachers do? They paint vivid verbal pictures. They tell good stories to make their points. When we talk to other people, we are sending pictures back and forth to each other.

Example: I am going to say a word, do not think of a picture.

“A good story paints a thousand pictures”

Words and Culture

Words are used in every culture to connect with the world and the people in it.

Words are tools we use to greet, inform, ask, answer, teach, encourage, comfort, praise, celebrate, thank, pray, laugh, and connect.

Words can also be used in a negative way. We are going to increase our awareness of the

damage our words can do and be reminded that we can take control of our tongues.

The Tongue and the Pen are Mighty

Words have shaped history. They’ve given birth to ideas, started wars, inspired millions, and made people rich and famous.

Words can hurt and shock, or they can heal and lift spirits.

Words are not only powerful, but they can have a lasting impact.

Do Example: Word lists----discussion points.

HELLO???????

If a piece of paper with words on it can lower or raise the spirits of the people in this room within seconds, think of the effect that some of the words we speak can have on others…..and on ourselves.

What Research Says

According to research conducted in business schools at several top universities, these are twelve of the words most likely to influence a prospective buyer.

You proven love easy health guarantee

New money save results safety discover

continued

One business managed to get eleven of them in one slogan “You will love to save money with Germ-Gone, the easy-to-use, proven new discovery that guarantees your health and safety.”

Other words that have tested positive for consumers: miracle, magic, quick, improved, bargain, hurry, revolutionary, amazing, offer, wanted, now, sensational

Continued

The second research study was conducted by the National Institute on Aging on the impact of certain words that reinforce stereotypes about people over the age of sixty. If words like “senile”, “decrepit”, “slow”, “old”, “fading” “fossil”, were used around seniors, they have a adverse physical, as well as psychological effect. Blood pressure will rise and nervous reactions will often appear on the skin. If words like “insightful”, “wise”, “experienced”, “worldly”, were used, the results were opposite.

Impact of Words

It doesn’t make any difference which age group is studied regarding the impact of words.

The truth is that words can tear down and words can build up no matter how young or old your are.

Words Can Change Lives

Discussion: Has a person ever said anything to you that changed your life? Positively or Negatively?

Discuss stories: 1. “Are you too stupid to do anything right?” 2. “This is good writing.”

Be aware of the effect our words have on someone else and words that we often utter carelessly or in an emotional state can have a lasting effect.

Words have the power to destroy or heal. Whenwords are both true and kind, they can change our world. Buddha

The Power of Words

A careless word may kindle strife.A cruel word may wreck a life.A bitter word may hate instill.A brutal word may smite and kill.A gracious word may smooth the way.A joyous word may light the day.A timely word may lessen stress.A loving word may heal and bless. Author Unknown

Words Can Hurt and Offend

“DIRTY THIRTY” List--- Discussion

What kind of language drags you down?

Most frequently heard from list:1. Swearing and gross-out language2. Complaining, moaning and whining3. Mean-spirited and hurtful words4. Rude and inconsiderate language

We will focus on 2 and 3.

Complaining, Moaning, Whining

“I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”

Jane WagnerBruce Diaso story---discuss“Focus on the good life……and be thankful

for it”

Mean-Spirited and Hurtful Words

“Sticks and Stones can break my bones and words can break my heart.”

Robert FulghumEntertainment media trends show that it is

funny to put people down, to hurt them, and to humiliate them.

How can we correct this?

Correcting Ourselves----BF Style

Review the “dirty thirty” list. Who has struggled with something on this list. Select three that you would like to stop doing. Pass out index cards and write them down. For every time you forget this rule, place a mark on the card. Do this for a week. See if your attitude changes.

If we can reduce our mistakes and improve on the way we talk to others, we’re making progress.

Words come from the Heart

For a man’s words will always express what has been stored in his heart. Luke 6:45

“Every time we open our mouths, we reveal something about ourselves”

“When we examine our own language, we get to know ourselves better”

“Our words are generally a reflection of what is going on inside”

What’s in Storage and How Did it Get There?

A preacher, teacher or a person talking steadily will say about six thousand words in just one hour.

Some people will hear and read about 40 thousand words per day.

That’s a lot of input. IS it positive or negative?

Can We Control What Goes In?

You are what you are because of what goes into you mind.

Zig ZiglarTwo things to do that make sure our hearts are

full of good words.1. Screen out the thrash: would you let someone

dump trash in your house?-why let them dump in in your mind?

2. Start the day with Positive Input: Find some positive reading material to start your day with. (cards)

Words are Choices

Conscious or Unconscious?Not only do we choose what goes into our

mouths, we choose what comes out of them.“Words go into the body. So they cause us to

be well and hopeful and high-energy and wondrous and funny and cheerful. Or they can cause us to be depressed. They get into the body and cause us to be sullen and sour and depressed and, finally, sick.” Maya Angelou

Continued

What types of words do we want to go into the body of another person?

Hopeful, happy, high-energy, wondrous, funny, cheerful

ORSullen, sour, depressed, sick.

“Realize now the power that your words command if you simple choose them wisely.”

Anthony Robbins

Daily Communication Choices

We are always making choices. What do you choose to say???

Discuss handout: Daily communication choices

Easy to do on paper but can we really make these choices in our daily lives?????

Greetings are a Choice

We make unconscious choice on how we greet others. Ex. Hi. How are you? Fine.

Do we really want to know how people are, or do we just want to hear them say “fine” so we can move on? ( Bobby story—young banker)

Continued

Every greeting has in it at least four wonderful opportunities:

1. To be a bit more imaginative and creative2. To have fun3. To lift someone else’s spirits4. Probably lift our ownEx. How are you? Well, I was good. But now

that you’re here, I’m ever better

Strategically Positive Questions

Who’s someone you’re thankful for? Why?What’s been the highlight of your day so far?What’s the best place you’ve ever been?What’s an important goal you have?Who’s your best friend? Why?The questions make other people feel

important. It leads to great conversation and make better relationships.

Discussion: Make a list of questions we could ask students as we greet them each day.

Three Choices That Influence Our Words

1. Tone of Voice40 % of our verbal communication is made through tone of

voice. It puts feeling behind our words.2. Body LanguageWe often use our bodies to express more than half of what we

say.We should be aware of our facial expressions and how we use

our hands. 3.TouchA gentle touch or an affectionate hug can be a powerful way to

strengthen our words.

Think what kind word, a soft tone, and a gentle touch can do when combined.

Break Time

Take 10 minutes

Part Two:The Win-Win Rewards of Positive Words

You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world’s happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime.

Dale Carnegie

Good Finder---Look for the Good

Concept: Look for the good—in other people, and in every situation.

Do we do this???Sayings: 1. Seek and you shall find.2. We always find what we’re looking for3. What you see is what you get

How do these sayings apply to our life???

Continued

Media: The media, most of the time reports the bad in this world. This is what we hear and we become negative.

Earl Warren—former Chief Justice of the Supreme Court states, “we read the main section of a newspaper to learn about people’s failures and read the sports page to learn about people’s accomplishments.”

We need to look for good news and share it with others.

Continued

Hal Urban—author, teacher, professor. Starts every class or seminar with these questions:

1. What are we celebrating today?2. Who has good news?3. Who has something good to say?Students learned that there is something tocelebrate every day and to work a daily dose ofgood news into their learning environment.

Continued

Hal Urban also added three more choices to his daily routine.

1. Share something about someone you are thankful for.2. Say something complimentary about a classmate3. Share something funny (clean jokes only)

Through 30 years of teaching and speaking, he often askhis former students what they learned in his class andmost students state that they loved the way he started hisclass each day. They learned to look for the good in life.

Important thought

Look for the good instead of the bad, the right instead of the wrong, the beauty instead of the blight, the joy instead of the sorrow. Do this, and you’ll always have something good to say.

Life Enhancer

Enhance---Webster’s meaning is raise or improve

Can we raise the spirit of others and improve the quality of life around them???? That is being a “life enhancer”.

Affirm---Webster’s meaning is to state positive or to validateDo we affirm life in other people? This means

looking for, and finding, the good in people and then telling them.

Thoughtful Thirty

Discussion: Pass out list and discuss. These are considered to be the best choices

for using words to affirm life in others and in ourselves.

Let’s look at three statements off the list.1. Inquire and express interest2. Give encouragement/inspire others3. Praise, honor and build up.

Inquire and express interest

People like to know that they count, that someone else actually IS interested in them.

The simplest method for affirming other people is to get to know their “story”.

“I want to know more about you, you're important”.

Smile and listen—powerful communication skills that enrich any conversation.

continued

In the classic book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, there are six rules for outstanding human relations skills:

1.Become genuinely interested in other people.2. Smile3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the

sweetest and most important sound in any language.4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about

themselves.5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.6. Make the other person feel important ---and do it

sincerely.

Give encouragement/Inspire Others

Encourage---literally means to give courage.

The right words spoken at the right time can often be one of the most positive, life-affirming, and long lasting gifts you’ll ever give.

Thomas Edison Story---discussion

Praise, Honor, Build Up

Look for the good and then take a few minutes to comment on it.

Everyone around us would enjoy a kind word.Food service people, maintenance, office

personnel, para-professionals, teacher, administrators, etc.

“One of the best ways we can be good is to bring out the best in other people”

Praise is always a Win-Win

“We increase whatever we praise. The whole creation responds to praise, and is glad”.

Charles Fillmore

Is it possible not to feel better about ourselves when we know we’ve made someone else feel good?

Loving Words Build and Heal Relationships

“What others need from us, on an ongoing basis, is to know that they are cared for, that their good deeds inspire gratitude, and that others love them. It’s that simple. And just because they hear such sentiments on Monday doesn’t mean that they won’t need to hear them again on Tuesday. This is the primary reason why words that heal and inspire must be repeated again and again”.

Rabbi Joseph TelushkinPlace “children” in place of “others”

Continued

“Do you know what I like most about you?”Before they answer, tell them what you like

about them on that day.We experience the world largely through

interacting with others, so our relationships, especially with friends, are at the very core of our existence.

The words we use and the words we hear will often determine the quality of these relationships and, in turn, the quality of our lives.

The Five A’s of Healthy Communication

Attention: paying attention to the other person and his or her needs.

Appreciation: saying “thank you” more oftenAsk: asking about the hopes and joys and

concerns of other peopleAffection: Using terms of affection. “You’re

the best” Affirm: Building up and encouraging

Gracious Words Show Respect and Gratitude

Which of the following types of language better represent the kind of environment you want to live or work in?

Language that is…..

CivilRespectfulCourteousKindConsideratePoliteGentle

Language that is……

RudeCrudeRawCoarseFilthyAngryMean

Continued

How many of you hear the type of language indicated on the second sign?

How many of you hear too much of the second type of language?

How many of you use the second type of language?

How many of you are free to choose the type of language that comes out of your mouth?

IS there a Solution?

Experts in the field suggest:We need to do a better job at home and in schools to

help young people use manners and proper language. Place an emphasis on civility and kind words in our

institutions and communities---we will create a nourishing environment.

MODEL the language!!

Manners Experts: Leticia Baldridge and Judith Martin

We can make a difference.

When did you learn the “magic words”?

Discussion: How times have changed.We can not blame kids---they are a reflection of

what is going on in the adult world.

Share story of what happened in New York. Turn schools into a “caring community.”We can change if we believe we can.

Funny Words Make Us Laugh

“When people are laughing, they’re generally not killing one another.”

Alan Alda “I am thankful for laughter except when milk

is coming out of my nose.” Woody Allen“Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of is

as one of our greatest natural resources which must be preserved at all costs.”

James Thurber

Therapeutic Benefits of Laughter

It activates and strengthens the immune systemIt reduces at least four hormones associated with

stress.It’s aerobic. It provides a “workout” for the diaphragm.It relaxes the muscles.It can significantly reduce pain for long periods.It lower blood pressure and can prevent hypertension.It improves respiration by emptying the lungs

completely of the air they take in.It has no negative side effects.It’s available anywhere without a prescription. It’s free.

Can your words make others laugh?

Be on the lookout for humor.Write it down in a designated place.Subscribe to sources of humor.Share what’s funny with others.

Share funny stories.

Lunch Break

11:30-12:15

Part ThreeFour Places Where Positive Words Can Work Wonders

Families, School, Work, Sports—we will focus on the first three.

No matter where we are----the factory, the playground, the office, the school, the church, the dinner party, the bedroom, the gym, the poker game---words will be spoken, and they will affect us.

Erwin G. Hall

1. Families

There’s no place in the world where words are more important than in the family. It’s the bedrock of any society, and it’s where our children first learn how to communicate and interact with others.

It is also where they learn what to say and how to say it. The language of the family.

Parents are the first teachers.

10 suggestions to building a strong and loving family.

1. Model the language you want your children to use.2. Read to your children3. Have meaningful conversation4. Ask good questions5. Celebrate the day at the dinner table6. Catch your kids doing something right7. Correct gently8. Use and teach the magic words9. Write a family mission statement about words in the home10. Schedule a family nightDiscuss what happens with children who do not have this at

home. How do they come to school and how should they be treated at school?

2. School

Gentle words teach kindness in our school.

As one afflicted with feelings of inferiority and poor self-esteem as a youth, I am particularly sensitive to the importance of caring, love, encouragement and praise from those whose lives touch mine. Encouragement and praise….have the power to change a life, and that life may in turn change others.

Norman Vincent Peale

When School HurtsStatistics

More than 160,000 children stay home from school each day because of verbal intimidation and put-downs by their peers.

More than two-thirds of all our students are teased or gossiped about at school at least once a month

Almost one-third of students between grades six and ten (5.7 million children nationwide) have been bullied at school

Virtually all of the thirty-seven serious violent attacks in our schools between the years 1976 and 2001 were the direct result of verbal put-downs and intimidation.

Continued

Two issues that school personnel need to be concerned with:1. What can we learn from the findings of this research?2. Can we teach children to use language more constructively,

and, in turn, improve the climate in our schools.

Ex. Eric Harris---Columbine—suicide note—”Your children, who have ridiculed me, who have chosen not to accept me, who have treated me like I am not worth their time, are dead.” (email address to the parents of students killed and injured.)

Since 2001—learned from mistakes---most schools are implementing models of safe, caring and nurturing environments.

When Words are Win-Win

Programs/schools that promote positive language are having these results:

1. Kids of all ages become more aware of the power of their words either to tear down or build up.

2. The use of hurtful language is dramatically reduced.

3. The use of kind and affirming words is dramatically increased.

4. The school becomes a caring community in which kids feel safe and are being nurtured by both their teachers and their peers.

Positive Word Power Activity

Two groups: Divide intoGroup 1: Make a list of words we can say to

other people that are likely to give them good feelings.

Group 2: Make a list of words we can say to other people that are likely to give them bad feelings.

Discuss words:Every time we speak, we have the power to

make someone feel good or bad.

The Impact of Teachers

By the nature of our jobs, we talk more than anyone. We have been given the responsibilityof molding young minds, and we should becareful with our words.

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate….As a teacher, I posses a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration.”

Haim Ginott

Our Responsibility

1. Our words and the way we say them would have more impact than anything else in creating a caring community in our classrooms/school.

2. To help students understand the impact their language can have and give them opportunities each day to practice “the power of positive words.”

Thing we can do:

1. Welcome each student daily. Use their name and ask a question if time permits.

2. First day of school—discuss manners, the Golden Rule, power of language, followed by exercise on how to do these things.

3. Write a class mission statement focusing on the use of language.

4. Beginning of class—ask “What are we celebrating today?”5. Have positive poster/signs all around the room that remind

kids about the power of their words.6. Send “good kid” notices home every day telling parents

about hard work, good manners, acts of kindness, etc.Children behave better and work harder if they are in a

nurturing atmosphere.

3. How Employees talk also affect the workplace---Survey Results

What employees like to hear from their peers.1. Supportive, affirming language2. A focus on what’s going well3. Clean and polite words4. Good jokes and funny stories

What employees don’t like to hear from peers.1. Gossip, 2. Complaining, moaning, groaning, whining3. Angry, filthy, rude words4. Criticism and put-downs

Continued

What we talk about and how we talk to others, more than anything else, creates the atmosphere in which we live---at home, at school, at work, out with friends, in sports, in our places of worship.

Words are powerful.

Break Time

10 minutes

Part FourTwo Final Thoughts of the Power of Positive Words

When words are better in writingPositive Words add Joy to life….But only in

the living

Five authorities state the power of words in writing.

Norman Vincent Peale (author) “the purpose of writing inspirational notes is simply to build others up because there are too many people in the demolition business.”

Tom Peters(management guru) “We wildly underestimate the power of the tiniest personal touch. And of all personal touches, I find the short, handwritten ‘nice job’ not to have the highest impact.?

Continued

Mary-Ellen Drummond (President of Polished Presentation Internation): “Personally expressing your gratitude and acknowledging the good in someone through a handwritten note can strengthen, repair, or build relationships far faster than the speed of an email message. Don’t misunderstand me, I love email, but when I want to reach out in a significant way, it’s best to do it in a personal note or even a postcard. It shows you personally took the time to think about the other person.”

Continued

Al Franken(Humorist and best-selling author) “Ask yourself this: doesn’t it seem more sincere and extraordinary that someone would take the time to send you a personal handwritten note?”

Margaret Shepherd (author) “A good handwritten note on the right occasion is a work of art. It says to the reader, “you matter to me, I thought of you, I took trouble on your behalf, here’s who I am, I’ve been thinking of you.”

Continued

Words in Writing can change lives, even start careers

Discussion: Kind word story.

Share Scott Adams story---creator of Dilbert

Positive Words Add Joy to Life…But Only in the Living

The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re still alive.

O.A. Battista

A single kind word is of greater value to the living than a whole bunch of kind words at a memorial service.

Talk to your friends and family members as if it’s the last time you ever will.

Summary

Kind words have the power to….-Cheer us up when the world is getting us

down-Honor us for our achievements-Cause us to giggle and laugh-Restore our faith in the goodness of humanity-Bolster our self-image-Inspire us to give our best-Let us know someone cares

Summary

-Life our spirits-Warm our hearts-Improve our moods-Heal our wounds-Acknowledge our hard work-Bring out the best in us-Boost our confidence

Summary

-Support us in tough times-Celebrate our triumphs-Comfort us in time of sorrow-Make us feel like we count-Help us to believe in ourselves-Encourage us when we need an extra little

push-Remind us about what’s right and good in the

world-Supply us with a burst of energy

Summary

-Tell us we’re appreciated-Surprise us with joy in unexpected times-Teach us valuable lessons-Uphold us during our darkest hours-Give us the recognition we deserve-Point out the reasons for being thankful-Show that others have faith in us-Brighten our days-Enrich our lives

Conclusion

Let no one come to you without leaving happier and better.

Mother Teresa