the places that bring you joy

THE PLACES THAT BRING YOU JOY

THERE ARE PLACES I ’LL REMEMBERALL THROUGH MY LIFE THOUGH SOME HAS CHANGEDSOME FOREVER NOT FOR BETTERSOME HAVE GONE AND SOME REMAINSALL THESE PLACES HAVE THE IR MOMENTSWITH LOVERS AND FR IENDS I ST ILL CAN RECALLSOME ARE DEAD AND SOME ARE L IV ING

IN MY L IFE I ’VE LOVED THEM ALL.

JOHN LENNON

THE PLACES THAT BRING YOU JOY

All words, except for the interviews

Copyright © 2012 by Clarissa Amabel

Design by Clarissa Amabel

Published by Eyelash Wishes Press

Printed in Singapore

THE PLACES THAT BRING YOU JOY © 2012

All rights reserved. Any reproduction without

permission from the publisher is prohibited. The views

expressed in the interviews in this book are those of

the respective contributors.

ContributorsEvan Ong

Melly Fong

Alva Lee

Choo Lye Sang

Jie Siat Nyan

www.theplacesthatbringyoujoy.com

For mom and dad, and the people who taught me to seek for the brighter sides of life.

You know, carpe diem and stuff.

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JOURNEY PLANNER

77

OF JOY&THE NOW

Happiness,

not in another place but this place...

Not in another hour, but this hour.

-

WALT WHITMAN

OF PLACES& SPACES

Be sure you put your feet in

the right place, then stand firm.

-

ABRAHAM LINCOLN

the interweaving of opposites, the unity of it all. In a way, that

pain makes the moment even more riveting, and it intensifies

and deepens your joy.

People are always longing for that state, in the words of John

Izzo, “we want to know that we have lived fully and experienced

what it means to be a human being.” Joseph Campbell put it

this way: “I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of

being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical

plane will have resonances within our innermost being and

reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”

This does not mean a permanent state of bliss but a day-to-

day contentment and joy that create the experience we call

happiness.

It’s one thing to come up with an eloquent explanation, yes.

Now what’s important is really how we achieve that joy,

because life is just too short to not be happy. After all, it goes

by so fast. One moment you remember wearing your school

uniform for the first time, and the next thing you know you’re

walking up a podium to accept your diploma. If life goes by

When we speak of joy, we speak of a concept laid throughout

many dimensions. It’s certainly not an easy word to describe,

as it holds different implications and understandings, and our

personal views and beliefs will affect our definitions. However,

to make sure we are on the same page, it’s important for us

to settle the common ground. The understanding of joy that

we are talking about is not an emotion, but a state of being.

It doesn’t come from happenings, or the pursuit of pleasure

for pleasure’s sake. Lauren Mellin wrote, “the essence of joy is

spirit.” Joy is spiritual and far grittier than happiness, and far

more robust.

Compare the pleasure of eating pizza to the joy of belly

laughing with friends or surrendering to the sweetness of love.

Now even though pizza brings you heaven on earth (say amen)

that’s not exactly the experience of joy that we’re talking about.

It is more complex. You are in awe watching a blazing sunset,

but know that soon night will fall and the color will vanish. In

that moment of spiritual bliss, you can almost taste the other

moments, those of feeling empty and lost. Unlike happiness,

the underbelly of joy is pain, mirroring the wholeness of life,

so quickly, then one of the secrets to happiness is to get more

out of the time we have, to find a way that each moment and

each day become great gifts. Joy is found, when we live the

moment.

At its simplest, live the moment means to be fully in every

moment of our lives, to not judge our lives but to live fully.

It means that we must not focus on the past or the future but

experience each moment with gratitude and purpose. It means

that we recognise that we have the power in each moment to

choose contentment and happiness. Choose to judge your life

less and live it more.

There’s a story about a man who is well into his eighties and

enjoys a daily walk around the neighbourhood. When people

ask his how he is, he always responds in the same way—with

a resounding enthusiastic I’m Here! What he means is ‘I’m

grateful to be alive and I recognise what a tremendous gift it

is.’ We all know some people who gives us the impression that

they’d rather be anywhere than here. Happy people are fully

here, wherever they are, whatever they are doing.

We also identify certain places with joy and happiness.

When we acknowledge the place that brings us joy, we

are able to make an effort to preserve it so we can also

get the most out of it. The relationship is one of a mutual

reliance. Let us decide to have a conscious appreciation of

“our happy place”, where we can find security to truly be

and celebrate ourselves.

If the secret to finding joy is to live the moment, and

when we understand that every day is a gift, then we

should always be enthusiastic about the fact that “I’m

here!” Here not only means at this current, present time,

but also here—wherever we are now.

Some people say that they will truly be happy when

they are somewhere else, at a more desirable place than

where they are right now. Some claim that they will only

OF JOY&THE NOW

All around us, we are surrounded and engulfed by places. Ever

wondered what makes a “place”? What sets it apart from being

just another geographical location? What determines the

boundaries of a place? Places have a big part to play in our lives

and our identities, as much as we do to them.

The geographer Yi-Fu Tuan wrote that a place comes into

existence when humans give meaning to a part of the larger,

undifferentiated space. Any time a location is identified or

given a name, it is separated from the undefined space that

surrounds it. The name shapes the place’s identity, and often it

is derived from its distinctive physical or other qualities. Some

places, however, have been given stronger meanings, names or

definitions by society than others. These are the places that are

said to have a strong “Sense of Place.” The term sense of place

is often used in relation to those characteristics that make a

place special or unique, as well as to those that foster a sense

of authentic human attachment and belonging. Sense of place

is a social phenomenon that exists independently of any one

individual’s perceptions or experiences, yet is dependent on

human engagement for its existence.

live when they come to, for example, Paris. It is not an

understatement to say that the current society has been

bitten by the big and thriving travel bug, and most people

are always dreaming of their next escape. Travelling is a

great way to see the world, but does that mean that at

the place we are from, we don’t see? What happens in

between the escapes, the getaways?

We are all in different phases of our lives, some less

comfortable than the other, but no matter what, if we

are able to see beauty where we are and be glad instead

of taking things for granted, we are walking closer to

happiness. And without realizing, we form a relationship

with the places around us as they play a part in our lives.

Whether you are at home or at your home away from

home, perhaps “the place that brings you joy” is actually

wherever you are right now.

OF PLACES& SPACES

On a personal level, we all identify with places in one way or

another. As aforementioned above, a place is given meaning by

humans, but it also works vice versa. Without realising it, we

are also identified through places. Being in a particular place

may influence us in a particular way, and unknowingly in our

mind, we have associated most of the people we know with

certain places.

Perhaps one of the worst comments about a city was made

by Gertrude Stein, who said “There is no there, there,” about

her childhood home in Oakland, California. Stein’s remark

became a classic description of a placeless place. Places that

lack a “sense of place” are sometimes referred to as “placeless”

or “inauthentic.” Placeless landscapes are those that have no

special relationship to the places in which they are located—

they could be anywhere.

To be stuck in a placeless place would eventually affect a man,

in more subtle ways than he may realise. A placeless place has

no character and it denies a person from a sense of belonging,

from which a sense of a purpose is derived. Without a clear

sense of purpose, a person will have trouble finding meaning

in life. The relationship unravels over time and it may as well

go downhill from there.

What is the place that you associate with the most? Take

notice of where you are, and you’ll be surprised by how much

is revealed about yourself from that discovery. For most people,

their home is one of the places they can truly call their own

and is truly deserving of the endearing term, “My place.” For

some, “their place” may be somewhere else, but wherever that

may be, that place deserves to be looked after and care for, just

as much as a man deserves to have his identity and dignity.

Wallace Stegner wrote, “A place is not a place until people

have been born in it, have grown up in it, lived in it, known it,

died in it—have both experienced and shaped it, as individuals,

families, neighbourhoods, and communities, over more than

one generation. Some are born in their place, some realise after

long searching that the place they left is the one they have

been searching for. But whatever their relation to it, it is made

a place only by slow accrual, like a coral reef.”

View the places on Google Maps and tag the

places that bring you joy! Scan the code on the

right or go directly to http://g.co/maps/72rtf

In the following chapters, we spend some time to talk to different people about happiness and experience the different places

that bring them joy. These are real places and you can visit most of them to have a first-hand experience of the stories that they

shared. You can also see them online on the special Google Maps link below.

experience it online

THE PLACES THAT BRING THEM JOY

THEEARLYYEARS

That was when it was made painfully clear to me.

When you are a child, there is joy.

And most of all, there is trust.

-

PETER DAVID

THEEARLYYEARS

Children are, too, unpredictable. Sometimes you meet a kid

who is bratty and annoying, sometimes you meet a child who

is just too adorable. And sometimes, you meet kids like Evan,

who reminds you of your own childhood.

My friend and I visited Evan at his grandma’s house in

Tampines, one Tuesday evening after his schoolbus dropped

him off. He was so excited to show us the playground, and

gulped down his dinner of rice and hotdogs in minutes before

changing into his Angry Birds t-shirt and scurrying out the

door with his water bottle.

The sun was just about to set and there were several

neighbourhood kids at the playground, and their excited

squeals could be heard from around the HDB block we came

from. Evan proudly showed us the way (“The playground’s

just there! There! Very near only!”) and started dragging us by

the hands when he couldn’t wait to join the other kids who

already conquered the colourful playground structure with its

variety of slides and ladders and tunnels.

He bounded for the slides and in mere seconds we could not

keep up with him, only catching glimpses of him through the

openings of the tunnels and arches. His little feet climbed the

small steps nimbly, little hands grabbing on to the structure

for support, and when he reached the centre platform he

grinned at us before punching the air around the other kids

and making boxing noises. When he slid down the spiral

slide, Evan already decided who he was for the day, “I am

Children see magic because they look for it.

12 The Places That Bring You Joy

13The Early Years

Kung Fu Panda Ninja Fighter!” and punched the air some

more, showing off his ninja moves proudly.

He quickly dashed back to the playground structure, and we

were trying to be good babysitters, shouting out after him to

be careful, although he was too busy fighting “the bad guys”,

a role he decidedly assigned to practically all the other kids

there. Before long another boy whined that Evan hit him,

even though he was only pretending to. Now, if we didn’t

do damage control Evan might find the entire playground

pretending to chase him away. My clever friend stepped in as

the negotiator and with her wisdom and logic she convinced

all the kids to become a unified group of Ninja Fighters…

and of course Evan declared himself as the leader.

Looking at those kids, one moment they were upset because

they were not included in Evan’s little game, and before you

know it the next moment they were cheering him on as a

team. For children, happiness came so quickly and so easily

to them. When they chose to cheer for Evan, they did not

hold any grudges even though he was mock-fighting them a

minute ago.

As we grow up we forget that we also have that option

available to us. We are afraid of letting go of the past,

rehearsing anger and bitterness over and over instead of living

in the moment. I find that children are the best teachers about

enjoying the present. Their tiny hands have not fully grasped

I FIND THAT CHILDREN ARE THE BEST

TEACHERS ABOUT ENJOYING THE PRESENT.

THEIR TINY HANDS HAVE NOT FULLY

GRASPED THE CONCEPT OF THE FUTURE, NOR

DO THEY CARE MUCH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED

MORE THAN A FEW SECONDS AGO.

the concept of the future, nor do they care much about what

happened more than a few seconds ago. When a child wants

a toy, he wants it now. You can tell him to wait but for him

that may be as good as never. Now is all that matters, this very

moment and nothing else.

After a climbing up and sliding down over and over again,

Evan managed to stop and asked for his water bottle…

and then he spotted the wobbly whale near the benches so

naturally the next minute he was riding it and rocking it back

and forth, “I am a pirate! This is a whale!” I wanted to tell

him that probably the only people who ride whales are the

native Maori tribes of New Zealand, but I think the giddiness

got to him first. He then jumped off his wobbly whale,

crossed the seas, and climbed on to his pirate ship, or in other

words, the playground bench next to the rubbish bins.

As a child, the world around you is limitless. When I was his

age, I used to build forts on my parents’ queen-size bed with

pillows and blankets, and pretended to hide from the enemies.

To Evan, of course this bench was a pirate ship, the next

minute it could be an airplane or a submarine… or anything

else his imagination leads him to believe. His imagination

allows him to see the world in a new light every time, instead

of taking things for granted. I’d like to think the same wonder

and amazement of the world is available for all of us to tap

into. If we just let that inner child in all of us roam free once

in a while, it could do us a lot of good.

15The Early Years

1. Spaghetti

2. Flower

3. Kung Fu Panda Fighter

4. Hotdog

5. Baboon

6. Bad guy

1

2

3

4

5

6


EVAN ONG 4, SINGAPORE

Hi Evan, tell me, what makes Evan happy?

Fishball and hotdog!

Evan, what’s your favourite place? Where do you like to go that makes you happy?

I like to play at the playground! The playground downstairs. Playground there got slides.

Why do you like the playground, Evan?

Um... (pauses to think) Because I like the slides! Playground also got other friends... There I can

also fight bad guys ‘cos I am Kungfu Panda Ninja Fighter.

So who do you like to play with?

Friends... and Meimei! Meimei likes to play games, but Meimei’s toys always very messy!

Okay... what’s your favourite thing to do that makes you happy?

I like to read! I got two favourite books! Got the dinosaur one, and the fish one. (goes to the

bookshelf and picks two books) This one is the book about fish, you see this fish is a puffer fish!

When other fish that wants to eat it come, the puffer fish will become big, to protect from enemy!

What else do you like to do, Evan?

I also like to dance. I can dance shuffle! (tries to dance but his foot hits the shelf ) Not pain, not pain!

I also like to draw, I can draw baboon for you. I saw baboon at the zoo, and baboon got red backside.

What do you want to be when you grow up, Evan?

(thinks for a moment) I want to be a Kungfu Fighter so I can fight all the bad guys!

(demonstrates kungfu chops) Whoosh whoosh haiyaaaah!

Watch Evan dance the shuffle and our desperate attempts

at interviewing a 4-year-old. Scan the link on the right or

shuffle along to http://youtu.be/3LQhbBeWFi8

19The Early Years

CHILDREN AT ONCE ACCEPT JOY AND HAPPINESS WITH

QUICK FAMILIARITY, BEING THEMSELVES

NATURALLY ALL HAPPINESS AND JOY.

VICTOR HUGO

In life, when you are brave enough to dance, sometimes you hit a

rough patch. Tell yourself, “Not pain!”

If someone hurts you and you don’t know why, talk to them.

Once the problem is resolved, don’t hold grudges.

Always have room for wonder and imagination.

Your world will be so much more exciting.

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.

TOM ROBBINS

1.

2.

3.

a few lessons from

THE EARLY YEARS

THEPRIMEYEARS

If you’re young and talented,

it’s like you have wings.

-

HARUKI MURAKAMI

THEPRIMEYEARS

I have not had the chance to meet Melly Fong in real life,

but from our short online conversation and through her blog,

Greenlaundry, I have a feeling that she’s as cool as her two

cats that are often featured in her photos, Fatboy and Indie.

Melly is just a year past the quarter life mark, but you can

tell that she’s not just another young adult going through the

transitory hipster phase. She prefers long walks and grocery

shopping as a relaxation method, and spends a lot of time at

in the kitchen making homemade meals that look inexplicably

delicious. Being self-confessed homebodies, she and her

boyfriend, Ben, enjoy spending time at home and doing

normal, everyday chores to slow down. It’s the little quirks

like these that give me the impression that Melly just has a

charming old soul that you don’t often find in most people her

age, the yuppies who strive to “live life in the fast lane.”

After her grandmother passed away a few months ago, she has

recently moved into her grandfather’s house, together with

Ben and the mentioned two cool cats. While some might

cringe at the thought of letting go of their independence in

exchange for living with an elderly, Melly feels lucky to spend

Youth is a dream,a form of chemical madness.-

F. SCOTT FITZGERALD


27The Prime Years

more time with her grandpa in the house that she and her

brother practically grew up in. One of her best memories

of her grandparents is how she admired her grandfather’s

dedication to her grandmother and their “real, old-timey

love.” Her grandfather is after all a person who, in her own

words, “has taught me so much all throughout my life”.

Another reason why hers is the only local blog that I stalk is

because how she simply reminds me that there is still some

hope of finding wonder and enchantment in this concrete

jungle we call Singapore. When she embarks on her long

walks, she brings along her well-worn film camera that acts as

a travel buddy and an eyewitness to the little discoveries that

she makes along the way. Maybe it’s her graphic designer eyes

(she and her boyfriend have their own web design business),

maybe it’s the charming, grainy, low-key film textures of the

photos, but her pictures always make me sigh in envy and

looking forward to the next overcast day when the weather

is permitting enough for an actual walk in this city. Her local

escapades have brought her (and us, her blog readers) to the

corners of Singapore where there are less people and more

things to actually admire. From Bedok Reservoir, notorious

for the multiple suicide cases, to the Lim Chu Kang jetty

where mostly only fishing enthusiasts gather, Melly spots the

beauty that a lot of other people in Singapore tend to forget.

To know that there are young people who still appreciate the

splendor of solitary walks and choose to be there for their

grandparents is refreshingly inspiring for me. Being in your

prime does not mean you have to follow what society believes

you must do to “live” and get ahead in life if it’s not who you

are. Maybe it was Melly’s old soul that reminded her that to

live, you simply have to be true to yourself.

29The Prime Years

THE SECRET OF REMAINING YOUNG IS TO NEVER HAVE

AN EMOTION THAT IS UNBECOMING.

OSCAR WILDE

31The Prime Years

SHE SIMPLY REMINDS ME THAT THERE

IS STILL SOME HOPE OF FINDING

WONDER AND ENCHANTMENT IN THIS

CONCRETE JUNGLE WE CALL SINGAPORE.

MELLY FONG 26, SINGAPORE

Could you share what joy means to you in one sentence?

When there is a sense of clarity, when there is a sense of purpose or when there is a sense of gratitude

or appreciation. It could be a bit of both or all three at the same time.

What is the place that brings you joy and how would you describe your relationship with it?

It’s a unique and special one. I very recently moved in to live with my grandfather. My grandmother

passed away five months ago and that left the home an empty one. I grew up in this very house, my

parents would leave my elder brother and I in my grandparents’s care on weekdays. I remember little

things, taking baths in this huge red plastic tub, getting a fright whenever I see my grandmother

without her dentures before bedtime, going to the wet market and not liking the smells very much…

Who would have thought that almost twenty years later, I get a chance to live here again? I get along

very well with my grandfather and he has taught me so much all throughout my life. So naturally, I

feel so lucky to be able to spend all the time in the world with him now and spend it in his home - a

place that means everything to him and in his own words, the only thing left that belongs to him.

Do you ever associate happiness with a certain place?

Not really, my boyfriend and I always joke about how we don’t ever have a go-to place to hangout or

anything. I think it’s partly because we are such homebodies, we feel happiest in our own environment.

However, I do associate happiness with long walks in unexpected places. It will come, this skip in my

step and that’s when I know, I like what I see and I have to walk to the end till there’s none left to see.

In your daily life, what do you do to ‘smell the roses’ and live in the moment?

I either sit down with my cats because that really helps to slow down time or I do really normal things.

If I want time and space to myself, I do the laundry. If I crave quiet company, I go grocery shopping

with my boyfriend or sit down in the living room with my grandfather and watch the nine o’clock

drama serial on tv together. Preparing a cup of tea for myself also does the trick.

All the photos in this chapter belongs to Melly Fong, and her blog has many more interesting pictures from her adventures, local and international. Scan the QR code or skip along to http://greenlaundry.net/blog

33The Prime Years

Respect your elders, and cherish your time with them.

You are who you are now because of them.

Take a walk on the roads less travelled in your town, and you’ll

be surprised by the discoveries you come across.

Swing to the beat to your own drum. Don’t conform to other

people’s lifestyle. Find your own way to live.

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.

FRANZ KAFKA

1.

2.

3.

a few lessons from

THE PRIME YEARS

THEDEVOTEDYEARS

The phrase

“working mother”

is redundant.

-

JANE SELLMAN

THEDEVOTEDYEARS

The email conversation that I had with Alva regarding our interview was brief and effective. When I corresponded with her I thought

she was either a woman of few words, or she was very busy and she

just needed the important details to be delivered in the shortest

amount of time. Through our brief correspondence, she shared that

her home is the one place that brought her joy, and invited me to

come and see for myself.

The home is situated in one of the renovated HDB blocks in

Hougang, and the sun was just about to set when I arrived

at her duplex. When I came she was in front of the TV with

her two children, Gabriel and Annette, and she welcomed me

enthusiastically. We proceeded to do the interview, and I discovered

that she was definitely not a woman of a few words. She spoke so

passionately about her family, and her kids, and the dedication was

hard to be missed.

Alva was a working mother, so she had to juggle between two full-

time careers, one as a professional executive and the other a devoted

parent. It was clear where her priority stands, though. When she

spoke of her kids, she lighted up as she remembered many small

details of the children while they are growing up. As a parent, she

strongly believed that one of the most important things she had to

do was encourage every little achievement that her children did.

SHE SPOKE SO PASSIONATELY ABOUT

HER FAMILY, AND HER KIDS, AND THE

DEDICATION WAS HARD TO BE MISSED.


39The Devoted Years

43The Devoted Years

Anyone could tell that she was a proud mother from the way

she beamed when she spoke of her children, about Gabriel

who is doing very good in school and Annette who seems to

have quite the creative flair. Just like any other homes with

young kids, Alva’s home had plenty of toys scattered around.

Having both a boy and a girl, there was one corner where

there were a pink, plastic vanity table and a metallic blue

drum set. She showed me a secret cabinet under the stairs

where the kids keep most of their toys, and Annette’s little

scraggly drawings that was displayed behind the door.

One’s home is a reflection of who they are, and Alva’s cozy

duplex was of course a personification of her and her family.

While the house is only recently renovated and is always

kept in a shipshape manner, Alva and her family preferred

the bedroom as their secret escape. “It is a place to unwind,”

she confided. The bedroom is also a place of intimacy for the

entire family, where Alva and her husband would spend time

with their kids after a long day at work.

The joy in her life comes from her family, and as a working

mother she knows never to take things for granted. She

believes in celebrating these little moments, however

insignificant it may seem to other people, as every moment

with her children is a moment that would never repeat itself.

Every moment is too precious to not let her children know

how much she loves them.

45The Devoted Years

ALVA LEE 42, SINGAPORE

Could you share what joy means to you?

I’m a working mother, so it’s tough juggling both work and coming home and making sure that

I find quality time. It’s the small intimate details that come into our lives, and that means not

taking things for granted. To me, because I spent very little time with the kids, I just want to make

sure that I have quality time. Every moment is so precious and especially when they’re growing

up. Sometimes, the words that they say can be so mature. It startles me and jolts me, as if saying,

“Wake up, listen to her!” When you don’t listen intently, you will miss out on it. This is how I find joy,

spending that part of my time being with the kids.

Is there a particular place that brings you joy?

Home is the place that brings me joy, because everyday I look forward to come home, to unwind and

destress, and listen to the kids telling me about their day. My favourite spot is my bedroom, as it is a

place to rest, unwind, and snuggle with the kids.

Do you think the home is a personalisation of the family?

Very much, because I think it has a character, it speaks a lot about the bond in the family. The layout

of the home also speaks a lot, the details like the bedroom, the TV room, the little corners that trigger

some sort of memory. Those are the memories that bring you joy.


We don’t want to be too rigid with the kids. We celebrate the little things in our lives, and we would

celebrate the kids’ little achievements. It tugs at the heartstrings, you know, and we commend our

children for them. It’s character-building as well, and in this rat-race society, I don’t want to regret that

I have not done enough. In the end what matters is that we spend the moments together.

To watch our interview with Alva about her home and

her cherished family, scan the link on the right with your

smartphone or visit http://youtu.be/bx312QLdH9I


If you take things for granted, you’ll miss out. You can find joy in

the little intimate details in your life, if you look hard enough.

It’s okay to celebrate your smaller achievements. Heck, it’s okay

to celebrate without any reason!

Never be too busy for your family and loved ones. If you can’t

find time for quality time, it’s time to make some.

Being a parent is one of the hardest things you’ll ever dobut in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.

NICHOLAS SPARKS

1.

2.

3.

a few lessons from

THE DEVOTED YEARS

THESENSIBLEYEARS

But the power of hoping through everything,

the knowledge that the soul survives its adventures,

that great inspiration comes to the middle-aged.

-

GILBERT K. CHESTERTON

THESENSIBLEYEARS

I met Mr. Choo Lye Sang on a Sunday afternoon in Singapore’s blistering heat. He was relaxing in his sitting

room, and even though it was scorching hot outside, he kindly

agreed for a tour of his daily walking trail around the Bukit

Timah natural reserve.

Mr. Choo was ready for the walk in a couple of minutes, and

when his daughter protested about his uncommon jogging

attire, he casually remarked that people won’t even bother

looking at an older man’s outfit. Within a few minutes in his

home, one would get the feeling that he is a naturally easy-

going person, unlike most of the other people his age.

The sun was very unforgiving that day, but we bravely braced

the weather and slowly traced the hills of Bukit Timah. It has

been his daily habit for many years, waking up every morning

at 6 AM and going for a walk around the area. Sometimes it

would still be dark outside, and most of his family members

would not even be up yet, but it was a routine that he enjoyed

thoroughly.

As we walked past the houses in the neighbourhood, Mr.

Choo began sharing his story. It started as a way to stay fit,

after a checkup that made him more concerned about his

health, but now the walk is also a part of his day that he looks

forward to. He has been walking around this area for over ten

years, and he has grown to know the trail and its surroundings

very well. He pointed out a house that was recently bought

over by a bachelor, and a new minimalist-looking house that

used to be very beautiful before it was renovated.

We crossed an intersection that connected the housing area to

the natural reserve, and Mr. Choo showed me the pavement

that according to him continues throughout the entire island.

It came so easily and naturally to him, these little details about

little things that most people just brush away, but for him

these are the ones he noticed. In a way, it was how he keeps

this daily routine more interesting, but it is also a way for

him to keep track of the changes of time. His daily walks also

provided him with some space for himself, and it brought him

clarity to his thoughts every morning.

Once we turned right into the natural reserve, the swelling

heat began to wear off. The trees provided ample shade for

us and there was no air pollution from the traffic. He walked

slowly but comfortably, and several joggers in tracksuits

passed us by with iPods blasting energetic music. Mr. Choo,

on the other hand, chose to walk with nature’s ambience as his

soundtrack. He preferred to allow the surroundings to be an

integral part of his walks and rather than rushing quickly just

to finish the exercise, he would take in the amazing natural

sights in his own, laid-back pace.

53The Sensible Years

IT CAME SO EASILY AND NATURALLY TO HIM, THESE

LITTLE DETAILS ABOUT LITTLE THINGS THAT MOST

PEOPLE JUST BRUSH AWAY, BUT FOR HIM THESE ARE

THE ONES HE NOTICED.


IT IS ONLY WHEN WE SILENT THE BLARING SOUNDS OF OUR DAILY EXISTENCE THAT WE CAN FINALLY HEAR THE WHISPERS OF TRUTH THAT LIFE REVEALS TO US, AS IT STANDS KNOCKING ON THE DOORSTEPS OF OUR HEARTSK.T. JONG

Every now and then, we’d pause and Mr. Choo would

stretch his arms, and allowed us some time to really take the

surroundings in. Bukit Timah Reserve at this time of day was

surprisingly quite populated, and we see many joggers and

families setting up for picnics on the grass, probably making

full use of the bright sunny day. Even though the temperature

was supposed to be hot, inside the natural reserve the trees

provided the residents with a luxurious supply of oxygen, and

the air was crisp and comfortable, not humid like in some

other places. Mr. Choo reminded me to really spend time

just to look at the greenery to relax my eyes, which is funnily

exactly the same thing my parents always told me. Perhaps

no matter where you’re from, parents will always be parents,

looking out for the kids.

These walks have often been a source of inspiration for his

other hobby, drawing caricature comics. He has been a regular

contributor for the Chinese newspapers for over twenty years,

and his comics always consist of one rectangular panel that

serves as a commentary for the current situation in Singapore.

He began drawing comics when his youngest daughter was

only two months old, and the sight of a newborn continuously

inspired him to share his wonder with the world. Now, after

his morning walks and his daily activities, he would spend half

an hour every night at his small desk where he would draw a

quick sketch with simple black markers.

Mr. Choo is a man of habit, and he could recite his daily

schedule that has stayed mostly the same for almost as long

as he can remember. Even when I asked about what he does

after his morning walks, he casually said, “morning business”.

His joy comes from the security of his routines, and for a man

his age, the biggest desire is simply to be well and healthy, so

he can spend his days with his family.


6.00 am Wake up

Drink a glass of water

6.15 am Take a morning walk

7.00 am Reach home

Take a shower

7.30 am Have breakfast

Read the morning papers

8.30 am Go to work

6.30 pm End work

7.30 pm Have dinner with the family

8.30 pm Watch some TV

10.00 pm Go to sleep

Mr. Choo’s daily schedule:


CHOO LYE SANG 58, SINGAPORE

Could you share what joy means to you?

To me, because of my age, health is more important nowadays. That’s why every morning I need to

exercise. Every morning when I wake up, I will have a short run, and subsequently I would come back,

and go to work. This is my daily routine. To me, this is joy.

Within your daily routine, is there a particular place that brings you joy?

If that’s the case, I think the place that brings me happiness is when I go for a jog every morning, I

would go to Bukit Timah natural reserve. The jog takes me half an hour, and I really enjoy myself

when I run. Luckily the place is not far away.

Could you describe your relationship with this place?

From my routine walk, I discover than within the half hour, I get to see a lot of things. The surroundings,

the changes, the atmosphere, the weather... When I run, I can think of what I’m going to do during

the day. At times, these things come into my mind, especially when I draw my comics, so it becomes

my inspiration. It can be very interesting.


This is up to the individual, but Singapore is too commercial. I believe you should enjoy the quiet

atmosphere instead of always going to the shopping centre. Unfortunately, these kind of [natural]

places, you don’t see much people. People like to squeeze inside the shopping centre. Actually you can

really enjoy the quiet places, but a lot of people do not appreciate it.

What are the little details in your life that you hold dear?

Maybe less quarrels with other people. As a businessman I work with other people. When I come

home, I try to relax, spend time with my family, and basically that makes life more meaningful.

We talk to Mr. Choo about his morning walks and

keeping fit at his age. Scan the link on the right to watch

our interview or visit http://youtu.be/oAovpbPvcvE


There’s nothing wrong with keeping a comfortable routine.

As long as it works well and keeps you productive.

A little quiet walk outside, a moment of solitude in nature can

help restore some clarity in your busy life.

When dealing with others, seek to avoid conflict and keep the

trust relationship. It will do you a lot of good

Of middle-age, the best that can be said is that a middle-aged person has likely learned how to have a little fun in spite of his troubles.

DON MARQUIS

1.

2.

3.

a few lessons from

THE SENSIBLE YEARS

THEGOLDENYEARS

The best classroom in the world

is at the feet of an elderly person.

-

ANDY ROONEY

THEGOLDENYEARS

Our family is much more practical, mostly concerned

with day-to-day living and never one to talk about deep

philosophical reflections. It was only after reading a book by

John Izzo, The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You

Die, that I was inspired to really spend some time with my

grandparents and talk to them about happiness.

One particular concept in John Izzo’s book is gathering

material by interviewing happy people over 60 years of age.

Talking to older people to find out how to live is not very

common in our society. We live in a youth-oriented culture.

There is a Romanian saying: “The house that does not have

an old person in it must buy one.” Much cross-generational

perspective has been lost in an increasingly urban and mobile

society. We need to seek the wisdom of those with more

life experience as much as we claim to learn from our own

mistakes. We need elders in our lives, people who have lived a

long time and achieved wisdom.

This prompts me to think back about my life and the “wise

elders” that I know that I could probably learn more from.

The only people that came to mind were my grandparents.

Not only because they are the only elderly folks I am

comfortable with, but also because I know that they are

able to live joyfully without the need for material wealth—

something that most people desire the most.

My grandparents have always lived with their simple, down-

Happiness, or life satisfaction, has never been a subject of discussion in our family.

67The Golden Years

to-earth attitude. They have come a long way from a small

rundown grocery shop near the slums, but they still only live

with the bare essentials and saving every single penny that

they could spare. Yet, even though they do not know the

meaning of the wealthy lifestyle, everyone can see that they

are perfectly comfortable, and most of all, happy.

They have been living in this house for the last fifteen years or

so. It was bought at my uncle’s recommendation over twenty

years ago, but they were still working at their small grocery

shop in Jatinegara, one of the shabbier sides of Jakarta. After

retiring, they moved to this house that they bought with their

hard-earned savings.

The house has never been anything more than a humble

home with simple, and sometimes hand-me-down

furnishings. But as far as I can remember, it has always

been big enough for our entire family to meet up and have

a good time. They only had one dining table, which would

be surrounded by all the adults for our family dinners, and

we, the kids, would have to eat at the living room. Now, even

though the kids are all grown up, we still obediently follow

this tradition.

Their home has become an inseparable part of them, a

silent, unanimated representation of their personalities and

way of life. In almost every corner of the house you can find

something that is a reflection of my grandparents’ simple

and humble habits. From the little details such as short

raffia strings that my grandfather ties to the kitchen cabinet

handles to reuse over and over again, to the old Singer sewing

machine that my grandmother still uses every now and then.

It would not be overly harsh to say that my grandparents do

not have any proper sense of aesthetics. It is understandable

as they grew up in such difficult conditions that they needed

to work very hard just to get the necessities, and there was no

time to even be concerned about decorations. It would not be

natural for them to consider spending money on home décor,

except for Chinese New Year when they would splurge a little

on red paper ornaments. Almost every other keepsake ends up

in the austere wooden display in the living room that contains

all sort of weird knick-knacks that they find memorable from

many, many years ago.

When I spoke to my grandparents about what brings them

joy, they always answered that family matters the most to

them. They might not be very eloquent in answering, but you

can clearly see from the living room where there are two huge

family portraits lining the stained walls, to the kitchen and

the dining area where all our family dinners took place, my

grandparents’ home reflects their greatest pride.

THEIR HOME HAS BECOME AN

INSEPARABLE PART OF THEM, A SILENT,

UNANIMATED REPRESENTATION OF THEIR

PERSONALITIES AND WAY OF LIFE.


69The Golden Years

It is lovely to meet an old person

whose face is deeply lined,

a face that has been deeply inhabited,

to look in the eyes and find light there.

-

JOHN O’DONOHUE

73The Golden Years

TJONG TJIN LUKJIE SIAT NYAN

81 & 78JAKARTA

Could you share a little bit of your life story with us?

Grandpa left the mainland when he was 17, and arrived in Indonesia to find a better life. Grandma

was born in Jakarta and grew up helping the family sewing business. Our marriage was arranged by

our parents, and then we worked and lived at our little grocery shop. It was tough raising children in

such a cramped place (laughs).

What does joy mean to you?

For us, now our children are all grown up, with their own successful careers and families. As parents,

seeing our children happy makes us very happy.

How would you describe your relationship with your home?

This house holds many memories of family gatherings, birthdays, new year celebrations... We are

happy to see our family together. It is also a place to relax, where we can watch TV and listen to the

radio. Our favourite spot is the kitchen and dining area, that’s where the family meets.

In your old age, what do you do to “smell the roses” and live in the moment every day?

We just enjoy our daily activities, like preparing meals for the family and taking care of our youngest

granddaughter. Sometimes grandpa likes to do some gardening, and grandma will always keep her

hands busy with something (laughs).

Do you have any advice on how to find happiness in life?

When we were young, the biggest challenge was to raise our five children. We also had to look after

our small grocery shop. We all had to work very hard, and sometimes life taught us lessons the tough

way. But now that our children are grown up, we are thankful in the end. For us, we never had any

desires for much, so we were glad for what we had, and accepted whatever life brought our way.

Watch our chat with Mr & Mrs. Tjong at home, with

special appearance from their 7-year-old granddaughter.

Scan the link or visit http://youtu.be/tSx5Rx-NV2M

75The Golden Years

Always remember that in the end, the richness of your life is not

determined by your material wealth.

When you want the best for your family, you can endure even

the harshest situations that life can bring.

Age is a blessing when you can be grateful for what you have and

let go of the desire for that which you don’t.

To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.

HENRI AMIEL

1.

2.

3.

a few lessons from

THE GOLDEN YEARS

T H E P L A C E SY O U ’ L L

G O !

OH !

Always remember that in the end, the richness of your life is not

determined by your material wealth.

When you want the best for your family, you can endure even

the harshest situations that life can bring.

Age is a blessing when you can be grateful for what you have and

let go of the desire for that which you don’t.

To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.

HENRI AMIEL

a few lessons from

THE GOLDEN YEARS

Congratulations!Today is your day.You’re off to Great Places!You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes.You can steer yourselfany direction you choose.You’re on your own. And you know what you know.And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

Out there things can happenand frequently doto people as brainyand footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,don’t worry. Don’t stew.Just go right along.You’ll start happening too.

OH!THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

DR. SEUSS

Sometimes, there is a price to pay for joy.

Sometimes to achieve joy, we must first experience sorrow.

We can only fathom the preciousness of joy

when we understand that joy is fleeting.

To reveal the wisdom of Kahlil Gibran

regarding joy and sorrow, tear this page away.

Then

a wo

man

said

, “Sp

eak

to u

s of J

oy an

d So

rrow

.”

And

he

answ

ered

:Yo

ur jo

y is

your

sorr

ow u

nmas

ked.

And

the s

elfs

ame w

ell f

rom

whi

ch yo

ur la

ught

er ri

ses w

as o

ftent

imes

fille

d wi

th yo

ur te

ars.

And

how

else

can

it be

?

The

deep

er th

at so

rrow

carv

es in

to yo

ur b

eing

, the

mor

e jo

y you

can

cont

ain.

Is n

ot th

e cu

p th

at h

old

your

win

e th

e ve

ry cu

p th

at w

as b

urne

d in

the

potte

r’s o

ven?

And

is n

ot th

e lut

e tha

t soo

thes

your

spiri

t, th

e ver

y woo

d th

at w

as h

ollo

wed

with

kni

ves?

Whe

n yo

u ar

e jo

yous

, loo

k de

ep in

to yo

ur h

eart

an

d yo

u sh

all fi

nd it

is o

nly t

hat w

hich

has

giv

en yo

u so

rrow

that

is g

ivin

g yo

u jo

y.

Whe

n yo

u ar

e so

rrow

ful,

look

agai

n in

your

hea

rt,

and

you

shal

l see

that

in tr

uth

you

are

weep

ing

for t

hat w

hich

has

bee

n yo

ur d

elig

ht.

Som

e of y

ou sa

y, “J

oy is

grea

ter t

han

sorr

ow,”

and o

ther

s say

, “N

ay, s

orro

w is

the g

reat

er.”

But I

say u

nto

you,

they

are

inse

para

ble.

Toge

ther

they

com

e, an

d wh

en o

ne si

ts al

one

with

you

at yo

ur b

oard

, re

mem

ber t

hat t

he o

ther

is as

leep

upo

n yo

ur b

ed.

Ver

ily yo

u ar

e su

spen

ded

like

scal

es b

etwe

en yo

ur so

rrow

and

your

joy.

Onl

y whe

n yo

u ar

e em

pty a

re yo

u at

stan

dstil

l and

bal

ance

d.

Whe

n th

e tr

easu

re-k

eepe

r lift

s you

to w

eigh

his

gol

d an

d hi

s silv

er,

need

s mus

t you

r joy

or y

our s

orro

w ris

e or

fall.

Joy

Sorr

ow

Then

a wo

man

said

, “Sp

eak

to u

s of J

oy an

d So

rrow

.”

And

he

answ

ered

:Yo

ur jo

y is

your

sorr

ow u

nmas

ked.

And

the s

elfs

ame w

ell f

rom

whi

ch yo

ur la

ught

er ri

ses w

as o

ftent

imes

fille

d wi

th yo

ur te

ars.

And

how

else

can

it be

?

The

deep

er th

at so

rrow

carv

es in

to yo

ur b

eing

, the

mor

e jo

y you

can

cont

ain.

Is n

ot th

e cu

p th

at h

old

your

win

e th

e ve

ry cu

p th

at w

as b

urne

d in

the

potte

r’s o

ven?

And

is n

ot th

e lut

e tha

t soo

thes

your

spiri

t, th

e ver

y woo

d th

at w

as h

ollo

wed

with

kni

ves?

Whe

n yo

u ar

e jo

yous

, loo

k de

ep in

to yo

ur h

eart

an

d yo

u sh

all fi

nd it

is o

nly t

hat w

hich

has

giv

en yo

u so

rrow

that

is g

ivin

g yo

u jo

y.

Whe

n yo

u ar

e so

rrow

ful,

look

agai

n in

your

hea

rt,

and

you

shal

l see

that

in tr

uth

you

are

weep

ing

for t

hat w

hich

has

bee

n yo

ur d

elig

ht.

Som

e of y

ou sa

y, “J

oy is

grea

ter t

han

sorr

ow,”

and o

ther

s say

, “N

ay, s

orro

w is

the g

reat

er.”

But I

say u

nto

you,

they

are

inse

para

ble.

Toge

ther

they

com

e, an

d wh

en o

ne si

ts al

one

with

you

at yo

ur b

oard

, re

mem

ber t

hat t

he o

ther

is as

leep

upo

n yo

ur b

ed.

Ver

ily yo

u ar

e su

spen

ded

like

scal

es b

etwe

en yo

ur so

rrow

and

your

joy.

Onl

y whe

n yo

u ar

e em

pty a

re yo

u at

stan

dstil

l and

bal

ance

d.

Whe

n th

e tr

easu

re-k

eepe

r lift

s you

to w

eigh

his

gol

d an

d hi

s silv

er,

need

s mus

t you

r joy

or y

our s

orro

w ris

e or

fall.

KAHLIL GIBRAN

TO LOVE. TO BE LOVED.TO NEVER FORGET YOUR OWN INS IGN IF ICANCE.TO SEEK JOY IN THE SADDEST PLACES.TO PURSUE BEAUTY TO ITS LA IR.TO RESPECT STRENGTH , NEVER POWER.

ABOVE ALL , TO WATCH.TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND.TO NEVER LOOK AWAY.AND NEVER , NEVER , TO FORGET.

ARUNDHATI ROY

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