The Health & Intimacy of Your Marriage is

Directly Proportionate to your Personal

Growth & Maturity as a Disciple of Jesus Christ

The Health & Intimacy of Your Marriage is

Directly Proportionate to your Personal

Growth & Maturity as a Disciple of Jesus Christ

How Do You Navigate Through Emotional Discussions?

How Do You Navigate Through Emotional Discussions?

How Do You Navigate Through Emotional Discussions?

How Do You Navigate Through Emotional Discussions?

How Do You Navigate Through Emotional Discussions?

1. What Can You Do To Improve Your Marriage?1. What Can You Do To Improve Your Marriage?

Be The Safest Person In The World To Your Spouse

Be The Safest Person In The World To Your Spouse

If your spouse is not vulnerable with you… you are not a safe

person to them

If your spouse is not vulnerable with you… you are not a safe

person to them

2. A Safe Person Is A Person Who… 2. A Safe Person Is A Person Who… • Accepts me as I am ~ to be on the outside what I

am on the inside• Helps me love & be responsible ~ Increases love

within me• I can be myself around• Whose life touches mine & I am better for it• Helps me grow…into who I am created to be…

Helps me be like Christ

• Accepts me as I am ~ to be on the outside what I am on the inside

• Helps me love & be responsible ~ Increases love within me

• I can be myself around• Whose life touches mine & I am better for it• Helps me grow…into who I am created to be…

Helps me be like Christ

How Are You Doing At Being Safe For Your Spouse?

How Are You Doing At Being Safe For Your Spouse?

3. What Is Empathy?3. What Is Empathy?

4. What Does Empathy Do?4. What Does Empathy Do?

What Is The Developmental Process?

What Is The Developmental Process?

Allows for connection & intimacy

Allows for connection & intimacy

How Do We Listen?How Do We Listen?10% words/30% sounds/60% body

language… 80-90% is NON-VERBAL!10% words/30% sounds/60% body

language… 80-90% is NON-VERBAL!

Levels of Listening:Levels of Listening:• Ignoring• Pretending• Selective• Attentive• Empathic

• Ignoring• Pretending• Selective• Attentive• Empathic

• We evaluate• We probe• We advise… fix• We interpret

• We evaluate• We probe• We advise… fix• We interpret

• Highest level of listening• Creates safety ~ the “safety net” that allows vulnerability & risk• Seeks to UNDERSTAND BEFORE BEING UNDERSTOOD• The language of sentiment & emotion ~ not logic• A transformation opportunity rather than a mere transaction• The only path to attachment & intimacy

4. What Empathic Listening?4. What Empathic Listening?

#2

#3

#1

What you intend to say

What the other person intends to say in response

What you hear

What you actually sayWhat you think you heard

What the other person hears

What the other person thinks they heardWhat the other person actually

says in response

Creating safety by:• Seeking to understand• Valuing & respecting the listener• Imagining my partner’s

vulnerability• Moving towards the negative • Playing by rules

Speaker Skills:• Issue• Facts• Feelings• Thoughts• Wants• Actions• Table• Soft• Ownership• Brief

Listener Skills:• Square• Open ~ Posture• Lean Forward• Eye Contact• Relax• Paraphrase• Validate• Empathize

6. EMPATHIC LISTENING

TIPS & RULES:

• Make “I” statements• Don’t say “always” or “never”• Don’t Interrupt• Stick to the topic & the present• No labeling or name-calling• Don’t try to “fix”• Listen for sentiment & emotion• If all else fails…