The Emotion Wheel: Primary and Mixed Emotions

– Joy

JoyAcceptance3rd Qtr4th Qtr

Joy Acceptance

Fear

Surprise

SadnessDisgust

Anger

Anticipation

Love

Remorse

INFLUENCES ON EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION

INFLUENCES ON EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION

Influences on Emotional Expression

• Culture

• Gender

• Social Conventions

• Social Roles

• Inability to Recognize Emotions

• Fear of Self-Disclosure

Culture

• Collectivist Cultures (e.g. Japan, India)

– More apprehensive about relational communication than Americans and Europeans

– Prize harmony among members of their “in” group

– Discourage expression of negative emotions that might upset relationships among people who belong to it

– Frank about expressing negative emotions toward outsiders

– Could regard North Americans as overly demonstrative

Culture

• Individualistic Cultures (U.S., Canada)

• Fear of strangers and risky situations more likely to frighten people in the U.S. than in Japan

• Feel comfortable revealing their feelings to people with whom they are close

• Individualists more likely to hide such emotions as dislike

• North Americans might view collectivist Asians as less than candid

Gender

• Research suggests there may be some truth to the cultural stereotype of the unexpressive male and the more demonstrative female.

• Women more likely to express feelings of vulnerability, including fear, sadness, loneliness and embarrassment.

• Men rarely express the above to male friends, but may open up the the women they love.

Gender• Difference may also exist in sensitivity to others’

emotions: –Women may have greater ability to recognize

emotions that are expressed in the facial expressions, movements, and vocal cues of others.

• Gender is not the only variable that affects emotional sensitivity–People generally better at recognizing emotions of

members of the same sex– Familiarity with the person leads to greater

sensitivity.–Difference in power

• Gender differences are statistical averages, and many men and women don’t fit these profiles.

Gender - Women’s SpeechTalk is the essence of relationships. Women

tend to:

• match experiences to communicate equality– “I’ve felt the same way.”

• show support for others– “I think you did the right thing.”

• ask questions for greater understanding– “Tell me more about what happened.”

• invite others to speak– “How was your day?” “Tell me about your meeting.”

• usually respond in some way to what others say: “Tell me more.” “That’s interesting.” (nod, eye contact)

use more tentative speech with qualifiers– “I’m probably not the best judge of this, but...”

– “That was a pretty good movie, wasn’t it?”

Men’s SpeechMen tend to:

• give advice– “Don’t let him do that to you.” “You ought to tell him...”

• dominate the conversation– boys and men talk more frequently than women

– men interrupt to control conversation

• express themselves in absolute ways

• communicate in general terms, distanced from concrete experiences and feelings

• tends not to be highly responsive– “yeah” or “umhmm”

– lack of expressed sympathy and understanding

Social Conventions

• In mainstream U.S. Society unwritten rules of communication discourage direct expression of most emotions– Comfortable with making statements of fact or opinion

– Emotions that people share are usually positive.

– Communicators reluctant to embarrass

• Displays of anger usually suppressed– child raising

– work place

– personal relationships

• Social rules even discourage too much expression of positive feelings

Social Roles

• Sales people taught to smile at customers no matter how obnoxious

• Teachers must be rational, instructing students with total impartiality

• Students rewarded for asking “acceptable questions, but otherwise being submissive

Inability to Recognize Emotion

• Because of restrictions, many of us lose the ability to feel deeply.– Crying often difficult

– Years of denying anger makes the emotion difficult to recognize.

– For someone who has never acknowledged love for one’s friends, accepting that emotion is difficult

Fear of Self-Disclosure

• In a society that discourages expression of feelings, emotional self-disclosure can seem risky– Expression of affection might be construed as a romantic

invitation

– Confession of uncertainty might be viewed as weakness.

– Emotional honesty may make others feel uncomfortable

– Chance that emotional honesty could be used against you, either out of cruelty or thoughtlessness

GUIDELINES FOR EXPRESSING EMOTION

GUIDELINES FOR EXPRESSING EMOTION

Recognize your Feelings

• Physiological changes

• Nonverbal behavior

• Verbal messages

Choose the Best Language

• We suffer from limited emotional vocabularies

• Several ways to express a feeling verbally:– Through single words: “I’m angry” (or “depressed,”

“curious,”)

– By describing what’s happening to you: “My stomach is tied in knots,” “I’m on top of the world.”

– By describing what you’d like to do: “I feel like running away,” “I’d like to give you a hug,” “I feel like giving up.”

• Emotionally “counterfeit” feelings:– “I feel like (want) to go to the show.” Better: “I’m bored and

want to go to the show.”

– “I feel like we’ve been seeing too much of each other.” Better: “I think we’ve been seeing too much of each other and I feel confined.”

Share Mixed Feelings

• You might express your anger but overlook the confusion, disappointment, frustration, sadness, or embarrassment that preceded it.

Recognize the Difference between Feeling and Acting

• Because you feel a certain way does not mean you have to act on it

• Pretending that nothing is the matter, however, will do nothing to diminish your resentful feelings.

Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings

• Language should refect the fact that you are responsible for your feelings:– Instead of “You’re making me angry,” say, “I’m getting

angry.”

– Instead of “You hurt my feelings,” say, “I feel hurt when you do that.”

• People don’t make us like or dislike them, and believing that they do denies the responsibility each of us has for our own emotions.

Choose the Best Time and Place to Express Your Feelings

• The first flush of a strong feeling is not the best time to speak out.

• Wait until you have thought out carefully how you might express yourself in a way that will be heard.

• Be sure the recipient of your message is ready to hear you out before you begin.

Express Your Feelings Clearly

• You can often summarize them in a few words --hurt, glad, confused, excited, resentful, etc.

• Avoid overqualifying or downplaying your emotions, “I’m a little unhappy” or “I’m pretty excited” or “I’m sort of confused.”

Express Your Feelings Clearly (Cont’d.)

• Avoid expressing feelings in a coded (indirect) manner:– Direct: “I’m lonesome.”

– Indirect: “I guess there isn’t much happening, so if you’re not busy, why don’t you drop by?”

• People who send coded messages stand less of a chance of having their emotions understood --and their needs met.

• Make sure you and your partner understand that your feeling is centered on specific circumstances rather than being indicative of the whole relationship.– Instead of saying, “I resent you,” say, “I resent you when

you don’t keep your promises.

– Rather than, “I’m bored with you,” say “I’m bored when you talk about money.”

Feelings and Phrases• Choose a situation from Column A and a receiver from

column B.

• Create a statement that would effectively express your feelings for this combination.

Column A: Situationsa. You have been stood up for

a date or appointment.

b. The other person pokes funat your schoolwork.

c. The other person compli-ments you on your ap-pearance, then says, “Ihope I haven’t embar-rassed you.”

d. The other person gives youa hug and says, “It’s goodto see you.”

Column B: Receivers

a. An instructor

b. A family member(You decide which one.)

c. A classmate you don’tknow well

d. Your best friend

MANAGING DIFFICULT EMOTIONS:

FacilitativeDebilitative

Facilitative vs. Debilitative

• Facilitative contribute to effective functioning

• Less intense than debilitative – a little nervousness may improve performance

– some anger or irritation may be constructive

– a little suspicion can make people more effective communicators

• Facilitative of shorter duration– Depression natural after losing a job or after a failed

relationship

– Life-long grieving over your loss accomplishes nothing

– Staying angry for a wrong inflicted years ago punishes yourself.

You Can:

STOPDEBILITATIVE

FEELINGS!

STOPDEBILITATIVE

FEELINGS!

THOUGHTSCAUSE

FEELINGS

THOUGHTSCAUSE

FEELINGS

Thoughts cause feelingsIt’s common to say that strangers or your boss

makes you nervous like a bee sting causes pain:

Event : Feeling:

Bee sting Physical Pain

Meeting strangers Nervousness

Looking at emotions this way, you seem to have little control over how you feel. But you do: It is not events such as meeting strangers or being jilted by a lover that cause people to feel bad, but rather the beliefs they hold about these events.

Thoughts cause feelings• It’s interpretations people make of an event, during the

process of self-talk, that determine their feelings. Thus, a model for emotions, looks like this:

Event Thought Feeling

Being called names “I’ve done something wrong.” hurt, upset

Being called names “My friend must be sick.” concern, sympathy

Hearing, “I love you” “This is a genuine statement.” delight (perhaps) Hearing, “I

love you” “S/he’s just saying this anger to manipulate me.”

• One study revealed that women are more likely than men to regard expressions of love as genuine statements instead of attributing them to other causes.