the doobies episode 1 fatty has a blowout

7/29/2019 The Doobies Episode 1 Fatty Has a Blowout

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THE DOOBIES - Pilot

Written By

Matthew Lamb and Ron Pilarski

1617 N EL CENTRO AVE #3 LOS ANGELES CA 90028(818) 679-1639


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EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY

JAY, PINNER, SKEETER LEG and FATTY toss around a football.Jay has the ball and sets up for a long pass to Fatty.

JAY

This one's to you Fatty.

PINNERGo long.

SKEETER LEGYeah fatty, go long.

Jay throws the ball Fatty runs ridiculously and reaches out,he thinks he has a chance.

PINNERYou got it Fatty.

SKEETER LEGYeah Fatty, you got it, you got it.(bzzzzzz bzzzzzzz)

Fatty leaps with all his might but alas he misses horriblyand crashes to the ground.

PINNERDamn Fatty that sucked.

SKEETER LEGYeah that sucked Fatty.

As Fatty stands up and turns around there is a big stemsticking out of his back side. Skeeter Leg starts freakingout, Pinner screams, Fatty spins around trying to see butcan't like a dog chasing his tail.

PINNERMan Fatty, you got a big stemsticking out of you, I knew you waspart swag weed!

SKEETER LEGYeah... schwag weed.

FATTYI ain't schwag weed, you guys areoutdoor organic.

PINNERNo were hydro.


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SKEETER LEGHYDRO!!!! (Flips out)

JAYEnough. You ain't no swag and youain't no Hydro. Now we got to fix

Fatty and I know just who to see.

EXT. ASHTRAY BAR - LATER

The boys get to the bar and see Blunt the Doorman at thedoor. There is rock music inside.

JAYIs my Grandpa in there? It's anemergency.

BLUNTEverybody's Grandpa is in there.

And it's always an emergency.

They try to go around him but he is massive.

JAYNo we need to get in there.

He leans in to them, mean.

BLUNTDon't make me twist you into a

pretzel.

JAYShow him Fatty.

Fatty spins around and shows the stem sticking out. Thedoorman is gone but then a thud is heard as he hits theground passed out cold.

PINNERAh little baby blunt can't stand tosee a stem sticking out.

SKEETER LEGYeah little baby.

Pinner kicks at Blunt but he grunts and the boys scurryquickly into the bar.

INT. ASHTRAY BAR - CONTINUOUS

Inside the smoky bar joints drink in the front and


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cigarettes play pool in the back.

FATTYDo you see your Grandpa?

JAY

I don't see him.

Toilet flushing sound and the bathroom door opens. A fewbackground voices are heard.

(UTILITY VOICES)Oh my God! Ew. Light a match....

GRANDPA ROACHI did. Ah yeah I bet yours smellslike roses!

The boys go over to him as he sits back at the bar. Grandpa

Roach is eye level with the boys in his barstool.

JAYGrandpa, we need you're help.

GRANDPA ROACHI already bought some cookies fromthose other girls at thesupermarket.

JAYNo it's me, your GRANDSON.

GRANDPA ROACHOh, if you say so, what's theproblem?

FATTYI got a stem sticking out.

Grandpa Roach takes a look, hems and haws.

GRANDPA ROACHWell you can either stick your(BLEEPS) in his (BLEEP) until his(BLEEP) is (BLEEP), I mean really

(BLEEP). Or you can take him to theclinic and get him patched up.

PINNERThat's fucked up.

SKEETER LEG(Flutters gibberish.)


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JAYUh, I think we'll just head down tothe clinic then... bye Grandpa.

EXT. CLINIC - LATER

The four boys arrive at the clinic to find a line of othersoutside. They see the Prego sisters, MARY JANE and PEGGY.

PINNEROh no it's the Prego sisters.

MARY JANEHey Pinner.

SKEETER LEG(Suddenly he is suave and not bent)Hey Peggy.

PEGGYHey Pinner. What ya'll doin'?

SKEETER LEGOh Peggy my love. I will sweep youoff your feet and take you toFrance. Where we will have cavieralong the river Sienne. But thiscannot be as we are from twodifferent worlds, and...

PINNER

(annoyed slaps Skeeter leg) Snapout of it! Every time we're aroundthose Prego sister you get allweird and fancy acting.

SKEETER LEG(He's bent again and tweaks out)

JAYCome on Fatty, we lost these two tothose pregnant sisters.

Jay and Fatty exit.

PEGGY(off screen) We're not pregnant!

INT. CLINIC - MOMENTS LATER

Dr. Papel finishes putting the patch on Fatty while Jaywatches.


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DR. PAPEL.There you go, good as new. Youshould really try to lay off thestems and seeds though son. Itwould not hurt you to shed a gramor two. Now see Nurse Patch on your

way out and take it easy for a fewdays.

FATTYI will, thanks Dr. Papel.

CUT TO:

EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - THE NEXT DAY

They play football again, the same play as before. Fattycalls the ball.

FATTYThis one's mine, I'm not gonna dropit again.

JAYOkay Fatty, don't mess it up.

Fatty goes out for it, dives and catches the ball. He standsholding the ball everyone looks at him shock in a gasp.

JAYI'll call Dr. Papel.

FATTYWhat is it?

JAYYou busted your patch open.

SKEETER LEGLook a seed fell out.

PINNERTolds you he was swag!

FATTY

I ain't no schwag!

the doobies episode 1 fatty has a blowout

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