GETTING THATSUMMER JOB

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As you read this, you may well be feeling worried, anxious or alone. Perhaps you’re suffering from bullying or abuse at home or school. Maybe you’re lucky enough to have someone you can turn to and share your problems with. Or maybe you feel like you really don’t have anyone to talk to. If that’s the case, it’s no wonder if you’ve already plunged into a pattern of destructive or antisocial behaviour. It could be your way of trying to cope, to distract yourself from your problems, to find a way out. But while you’re desperately hoping to numb the pain, you’re only likely to make things worse.

A recent survey revealed that one in 10 Irish

teens deliberately injure themselves. But only one in six of them seek help from a GP, teacher, hospital or counsellor. The survey also uncovered the existence of a worrying ‘copycat effect’: many self-harmers know another teenage who has also injured themselves or tried to commit suicide.

The survey revealed that fights with parents and school stress were a major cause. But the two most common motives were, “I wanted relief from a terrible situation” (79%), or “I wanted to die” (61%).

Deliberately injuring yourself when you’re upset might sound like adding insult to injury. But people do it because they believe that when they

cut themselves the physical pain and the flow of blood actually gives some kind of release from the emotional pain. In reality this relief doesn’t last long and the tension soon builds up once more, leading the person to cut again. And so a destructive, potentially addictive, quick-fix cycle begins.

For this month’s cover story, we spoke to a young woman who turned to self-harming when her parents’ relationship began to fall apart amidst violent rows, and talked to two male teens whose unhappiness led them to resort to other forms of self-destructive - and potentially life-threatening - forms of behaviour.

THE

CUTMORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE HARMING THEMSELVES AS A WAY OF COPING WITH EMOTIONAL TURMOIL. ANNE DEMPSEY TALKS TO THREE TEENS WHO’VE ESCAPED FROM A CYCLE OF SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOUR.

over11,000 cases of deliberate

self-harm are seen in Irish

hospitals every year.

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GETTING THATSUMMER JOBWhen I meet Sarah her inside arms are lined and criss-crossed with white scars - healed cuts which are a legacy of the past. She hasn’t cut now for a number of years and believes she won’t ever do it again but Sarah remembers clearly the first time she deliberately harmed herself. “I was standing in the kitchen when my parents began a violent argument in the living room. I went in to try to stop it and was told to get out. So I returned to the kitchen, picked up a carving knife and cut the inside of my arm. The doctor was called, and the next thing I knew I was in hospital. The staff weren’t nice and gave me no sympathy. They acted as if it

was my fault. I know it was in a way because I did hurt myself, but nobody asked me why I’d done it. They didn’t want to know.“Once I’d begun cutting myself it was hard to break the habit. In the beginning, I cut deeply and dangerously. I used blades, knives or glass. I hated myself and I blamed myself for everything.

torment“I thought if I meant more to my parents, they’d stop fighting. I cut for the relief when there was nothing else I could do. It was a physical expression of the torment going on inside. My head would get tight, and finally I’d cut and there’d be this relief. I’d look at the blood running down and it became a

symbol of the pain running out.“The change happened when I went to counselling. It was brilliant. For the first time, somebody listened to me and didn’t judge. Counselling gave me the space to explore what I was doing. It showed me that cutting wasn’t really the solution, but was keeping me stuck.“I felt very sad thinking of all the time I’d lost cutting myself. Then I forgave myself, let it go and began to look forward. The situation between my parents still flares up but these days I don’t get caught in the middle. When I find myself getting tense and anxious, I delay and distract. I go for a walk, phone a friend or read a book. I’ve always been good at art and I’ve put a lot of my feelings into my paintings. It helps a lot.”

GETTING HELPOften the first step towards healing is facing up to reality and accepting that you need help. Pieta House, The Centre for the Prevention of Self-Harm, in Lucan, Co Dublin has dealt with hundreds of people since opening in 2006. Their younger clients self-harm out of extreme anxiety. “This may be due to exam pressure, family breakups, problems with sexual identity,

relationship difficulties, a way to suppress anger or a feeling of a lack of control over their futures,” says a spokesman.

Pieta House offers free counselling: “It’s so important that young people feel they have someone to turn to and that family or friends are prepared to listen and not trivialise the problem.” The Centre also works with people at risk of suicide - more often young men - and have set up a programme called Minding

Your Buddy in response. Visit their website for details.

For more info: Pieta House, Lucan, Co Dublin. Open 9am-5pm Mon to Fri; evening appointments sometimes available. Tel 01-6010000. www.pieta.ie

Also, try www.befrienders.org which has advice for people who self-harm or who are depressed or suicidal. There’s also info for their friends and relatives.

“i picked up a carving knife and cut my arm”

sarah’s story

"My head would get tight, and

finally I’d cut and there’d be this

relief. I’d look at the blood running

down and it became a symbol

of the pain running out."

Some people find that controlling food can take their mind off things. It becomes a way of coping and taking back some control. Ollie had been bullied for three years when he began to restrict his eating.“It began when I lost my appetite because I kept feeling sick and tense. On my way to school I had to face this mob of bullies who’d shout at me and call me names. I was so upset I threw up my dinner at home a few times. Afterwards I felt better; lighter.“I began to eat less and less. I often felt hungry and lightheaded, but it made me feel better. I also began going for walks on my own, walking very quickly at dusk. Not being seen

made me feel safer and more powerful.“I lost weight, my skin got dry and flaky and I didn’t look well. My parents took me to the doctor who told me I was very underweight for my size. He was very understanding so I told him everything. I gradually began eating a little more, and my parents spoke to the gardai about the bullying. I was afraid things would get worse but they didn’t - the bullying stopped. “I now love my food and eat normally. I’m much happier and I’ll never keep things to myself again. At the time I thought nothing could be done to help me but usually if you ask for help, you get it.”

“i began to eat less and less until my skin got flaky”

ollie’s story

GETTING HELPEating disorders are a result of your circumstances and thinking - these can be changed. Talk to your family, a school counsellor, chaplain, teacher, your GP or a support group. Confiding in someone you trust may lessen your distress.

“I often felt hungry, but it made me feel better.”

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Even if there’s no way you’d self-harm by cutting your skin, there are many other destructive things people do to get through bad times. These include developing unhealthy relationship with food, alcohol,

drugs, relationships, exercise or smoking.

GETTING HELPTobacco smoke contains nicotine which gives a temporary feeling of relaxation that becomes addictive. It’s poisonous, affecting the heart, lungs, blood vessels, stomach, kidney and the central nervous system. Smoking badly affects skin, teeth, hair and breath. Need help quitting? Contact the National Smokers’ Quitline: 1850 201 203, 8am-10pm daily.

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MORE HELP NEEDED?As well as the advice groups listed in this magazine, try the following:★ Bristol Helpline Service: for people who self-injure. Tel 0044 117925 119, Fri and Sat eve 9pm-12.30am★ Gambler’s Anonymous: help for gambling addicts. Tel 01-8721133; info@gamblersanonymous.ie; www.gamblersanonymous.ie★ Teen Between: counselling for teens whose parents are separating. Tel 01-6799341; www.mrcs.ie.★ Teen Counselling: help for young people on issues such as family conflict, self-harm, anxiety, bullying and drug use. Mater Dei, Clonliffe Road, Dublin 3; Tel 01-8371892. Dublin branches in Ballybrack, Clondalkin, Drumcondra, Finglas and Tallaght.

Cigarettes are another prop often used by people struggling to cope with stress. The quick-fix relief is short lived but the lethal effects of the drug never go away. Simon began smoking in the lead up to his Junior Cert. “My Dad was putting lots of pressure

on me to study and it made me tense

and jumpy. I’d always sworn I’d never be a smoker like my best mate but one day I tried one, and while I didn’t like the taste, it made me feel better. “I moved up to six cigs a day quite

quickly, usually while I was studying. It made me relax and helped to pace my study time - like, ‘I’ll just finish this

question and then I’ll have a fag.’“After the exams I tried to give them

up but I couldn’t and got really irritable. Luckily, I persevered, cutting down until I finally stopped. My Gran died of lung cancer and it was awful to witness. I didn’t realise you could get hooked so quickly but I learnt my lesson.”

simon’s story

“i didn’t realise you could get hooked on smoking so quickly”

The following Dublin

hospitals have treatment

programmes and offer support

to families (others hospitals offer

support too).★ St John of God Hospital,

Stillorgan, Co Dublin,

tel 01-2881781; www.sjog.ie

★ St Patrick’s Hospital, St

James’s Street, Dublin 8,

tel 01-2493200; www.

stpatrickshops.com.

GETTING THATSUMMER JOB

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