Welcome back everybody,What do you know!? Winter decided to show up! Sorry about your luck, everyone (especially to those of you from BC) – reality is back. So is law school, study­ing, Facebook, online shopping, the gym (to wear off those holiday pounds), and the lippy­ass staff of the Caveat. We are actually glad to see you all again; who the hell would read us if not for you.

You may see a few unfamiliar faces back on campus. The Caveat would particularly like to give a special shout out to all the law stu­dents that were on exchange for the fall semester, and then came back for a Saskatchewan winter (HA!). Nice to see you again, and nice job on the scheduling. Book smarts aren’t everything, eh Kuzma, you handsome devil? Oh, and to all !"#$%&'($!)*&'$+,"$+)&)$+"-.)&­ing who that girl is on absolutely every advertisement for our col­lege, that’s Amanda Baron, and she does actually attend here (during the winter I guess – Australia must have really terrible summers!).

Well, enough of being a dick to my friends. We at the Caveat would formally like to welcome everyone back to the 2nd term of the 2011 –

2012 term. Now, it’s true that only us 3rd years will be the centennial gradu­ating class of the U of S College of Law, but the rest of you shouldn’t feel bad. You are great by association – you are part of this with us; feel free to wear our pride on your sleeves.

Second years – well done on a suc­cessful (I hope) round of upper year %-*/'0$$1,*($2)3-4$'*3.5$36$!"#$."-7($have a job by this point, you may as well quit, because they’re all gone after Christmas. First years, I hope you enjoyed your “exams” – next time they’re real, but don’t let that panic you. It’ll only ruin your life if you fail. Don’t completely freak out though – there’s always alcohol.

Okay, all joking aside, it is good to be back. Treasure these moments my friends, because no matter how stressed you think you are now, real life work is gonna suck a lot harder. Right now, you are surrounded by friends, you have good professors, you can make your own schedule, and if you don’t feel like showing up on a particular day, no one cares. So let’s rock this shit people. Law school only happens once (though it’s longer for some), so let’s make it good.

Cheers,

Your Caveat Staff

LETTER FROM THE EDITORS

The Caveat Lector VOLUME 8, ISSUE 3

Editors-in-ChiefRyan HendersonSteve MuchenaTom PosyniakKristél KrielSachia LongoGraham ChristieMargi MatajAlyssa VassosSarah Miller

DesignKristél KrielSarah MillerGlenn MacKay

ContributorsTom PosyniakRyan HendersonDave CoutureMilad AlishahiTodd LucykLuke Coupal

Disclaimer The Editors of the Caveat Lector, in their in!nite wis-dom, do not necessarily endorse or condone the opinions included herein. The submisions are the views of your peers. Take it up with them.

Misson StatementThe Caveat Lector exists to be redundant. It also ex-ists to publish and make available information and creative works from law students for law students, all the while maintaining a standard of journalistic integrity. Well maybe not integrity but something close.

Address Caveat Lector c/o College of Law15 Campus Drive Saskatoon, SK.S7N 5A6

E-Mail uofscaveat@gmail.com

DEAR PLUMBEUSDear Plumbeus,

I watched “The Walking Dead” on AMC last night. Now I can’t sleep. Its not that zombie’s bother me per se, its just that the thought of the world ending in an orgy of un­dead cannibalism is rather disconcerting to me. What are the chances of this coming about?

Worried About the Undead Walking

Dear WATUW:

Fear not, WATUW. The chances of a Zombie Apocalypse happening this side of December 21st, 2012 are slim to none. After December 21st, 2012 is anyone’s guess, but I’d say the odds are generally in fa­vour of a Zombie Apocalypse NOT happening. In any case, I wouldn’t worry (much). Even if it does hap­pen, there are plenty of reasons not to sweat it.

1. Winter. I don’t care if you’re a walking human cadaver, wandering the streets in an eter­nal search for delicious (but high 3-$(&*-'$6*(8$,#9*-$:)',5$;"9)$November, at least in Canada, its bloody cold out. Find your base­ment. Hunker down for a month or two, and then go outside and start smashing human popsicles.

2. Cars. People are fragile. Have you seen what an Egyptian 4x4 can do you wall of humanity? Youtube it. In North America, almost every man woman and child over 16 can drive. That’s a lot of unsafe streets.

3. Auto Shot Guns. Again, You­tube it, now. Enough said.

4. Clothing. Have you ever tried to bite through your cashmere sweater? I have. Not so easy (but, interestingly enough, it tastes great), but with some ef­fort, you’d probably get through it. Now try biting through your winter coat; or a reinforced Kevlar weave. But better yet, try eating through

chain mail. Not happening ­ teeth are fragile. The movies never ex­plained this well: how can humans bite through seemingly anything when some of us today complain about drinking cold water on sensi­tive teeth?

5. Necrophiliacs. Even the undead would be weirded out by these freaks.

Good luck,

Plumbeus

­­­­­

Dear Plumbeus

I’m not from Saskatchewan and I’m having a lot of trouble under­standing the winter driving rules here.

For one, why do so many people drive around with their license plates covered in snow? I’ve never heard of a cop pulling someone over for it and it hap­pens all the time. Isn’t that just as bad as not having a licence plate? Also, what about leaving your car running? People start their cars a half hour before sometimes and then leave it running with their keys in the ignition, and the doors unlocked. Are they just not worried about car theft? Would insurance even cover it if the car was stolen in this situation?

Thanks for appeasing my curios­ity,

Confused BC Kid

Hello Confused,

The answer to your above ques­tions is . . . ­50. That’s the lowest recorded temperature in Saskatoon before the wind chill, which was ­62. Granted, that’s an extreme. Unfortunately, it’s pretty rare that Saskatoon goes a winter without

hitting pretty close to ­40.

Have you ever heard of absolute zero? The temperature where all atoms stop moving? I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure that Saskatchewan winters are pretty close to that. So this means that, 6"&$'(*&()&'5$<"/3;)$"6%;)&'$*&)$6*&$less likely to pull you over . . . for anything. Think about it, what cop wants to stand beside your car as their body slowly dies from the wind blowing the frigidity of win­()&$2)(+))-$(,)$%2&)'$"6$(,)3&$<"­lice jackets? Chances are, if you’re stupid enough to speed when it’s icy, you’ll get what’s coming to you when you’re stranded on the side of the road and your blood turns to ice.

Another quick tip about Saskatch­ewan winters. You know how you can usually stick vodka in your freezer to make it nice and cold? Well, that doesn’t mean you can leave it in your trunk in the winter here. 80 proof vodka freezes at ­26.95 degrees Celsius. That’s a relatively pleasant temperature in January.

So long story short, life pretty much stops moving in Saskatch­ewan in the winter. The cops stop stressing over the small things. 1,)$;*&$(,3)=)'$%-.$(,3-4'$("$'()*/$inside of buildings. The birds have already left the country because they’re smart enough to get the hell out of here, and most other animals have buried themselves or gone to sleep for the winter. Are native Saskatchewanians human? We run from place to place. We don’t let ourselves get hung up on “is my licence plate unobstructed by snow?” or really any other ques­tions that may lead to an answer involving us spending a fraction of a second more outdoors in a cli­mate that could potentially make our appendages fall off.

Sincerely,

Plumbeus

SNAILS CONTROL ACT, 2012Chapter S­14.1, An Act respecting the control and regulation of per­sons described herein as “SNAILS”

PreambleWhereas undergraduate and gradu­ate students who are not registered students in the College of Law use and occupy law facilities to the detriment of their intended users;

And Whereas the said undergradu­ate and graduate students may use other study facilities that have the resources they typically use (co­louring books, the Da Vinci Code, Wikipedia, and glitter), law stu­dents have only one source for hard copy resources;

And Whereas undergraduate and graduate students, as a group, in all circumstances and situations, act to disrespect the law library by, among other things, listening to loud indie music, chewing loudly and inaccurately, whispering about !"#$%&'()*+,$-./$0*+,&1+2$)!"&)2$exams are, Party RockingTM, and getting in the way of a large card­board cut­out Fish when it chose to come to the ground;

And Whereas this act was drafted with the express purpose and desire to violate the Charter of Rights and 3422%"05$67%$#&++$82$9*5,&(2%$"7$section 1;

:7%$;!24265$,!&5$6),$&5$8",!$42<2)­tive of and seeking to enhance law student elitism;

Her Majesty, and with the advice and counsel of _______________ 67%$,!2$5*11"4,$"'$7264+=$-$>20­bers of the Non­Executive council of the LSA, enact as follows:

Short Title

1. This statute may be cited as the SNAILS CONTROL ACT.

Pith and Substance

2. The Pith and Substance of this Act is to control SNAILS. OK. Just so there is no

confusion.

Interpretations

3. In this act, (a) “SNAILS” includes: (i) any person who is not ac­tually a student of the Univer­sity of Saskatchewan, College of Law, and(ii) any person who uses the facilities or premises of the University of Saskatchewan College of Law for his or her enjoyment

(b) “SNAIL” does not include:(i) Lawyers who are mem­bers of a bar of a province of Canada;(ii) Judges;(iii) Law professors;(iv) Professors of the Univer­sity of Saskatchewan gener­ally with a signed permission slip from a law professor;(v) Paralegals;(vi) Library professionals and staff; and(vi) Persons who have a dem­onstrated legal problem and are without the means to hire a lawyer.

(c) ”Law school’s facilities and premises” pertain to, but are not limited to, the University of Saskatchewan College of Law Library (henceforth known as “the library”), the Law class­rooms, break­out rooms, and the FMC lounge.

(d) “Use” includes, but is not lim­ited to, studying quietly, playing games, watching movies on lap­tops, occupying space, squatting, talking at a volume even margin­ally above a whisper, listening to music loud enough that it can be heard by others despite use of headphones, and is not limited to disruptive behaviour covered under section 8 of this Act.

(e) “Law student” includes all students currently registered in the J.D. or L.L.M. programs at

the University of Saskatchewan College of Law.

Offence

4. Any SNAIL who, in the course of their use of law school facilities and in the opin­ion of any law student, in any way infringes upon or deprives the personal right of a law stu­dent to the use and enjoyment of law school facilities, is guilty of an offence, subject to the follow­ing exceptions listed in section 11 of this Act.

No Minimal Annoyance Defence

5. Despite the fact that SNAILS do not know what de minimus is, there is no “de minimus” defence to the offence described in section 4 of this Act.

Privative Clause

6. The discretion of law students in section 4 is not subject to judicial review under any external tribunal, including superior courts, the Supreme Court of Canada and the Interna­tional Criminal Court.

7. If the LSA or another in­ternal tribunal does review the discretion of a law student, the administrative law standard of “super­duper, patent unreason­ableness” is to be applied for the discretion applied under sections 4 and 9.

Aggravating Factor

Disruptive SNAIL Behaviour

8. If a law student loses con­centration, becomes frus­trated or loses his or her temper as a result of the behaviour of a SNAIL, this is to be consid­ered an aggravating factor in the penalty considerations of a law student.

Illustration 1X is a student in the Arts faculty but does not use the facilities of the law school. X is not a SNAIL. Good work, X.

Illustration 2Z is a commerce student. Z pretends to study, but is actu­ally watching Sports Center and hastily eating a sandwich. He is a SNAIL and he is guilty of every offence in this act.

Illustration 3TP is a law student, and leaves his belongings in a classroom for the sole purpose of reserving its use for his enjoyment. Another law student, KM, is denied the use of the classroom. TP, being a law student, is not guilty under this clause, though he may or may not be a douche under s. 197 of the Law Student Douchebag

and Discipline Act, 2012 (to be proclaimed).

Penalties Penalty for infringing right to en­

joyment

9. The penalty for an offence committed under section 4 is subject to the unfettered dis­cretion and pleasure of any law student whose right is infringed by that SNAIL.

10. Any SNAIL, while being guilty of an offence under section 4, causes the reactions described in section 8 of this act, is subject to an enhanced pun­ishment and derision of any law

student in the vicinity.

11. Exceptions: No SNAIL is guilty of an offence if(a) that SNAIL is: (i) a babe; >338$&);)<(3=)$("$:3&(!$"=)&­tures;(iii) not a bitch; and(iv) does not deny a law stu­dent access to use of facilities; or

(b) that SNAIL is a companion to any lawyer, law professor, library staff, law student, paralegal, judge, subject to reasonableness.

You know, I hear it a lot around the halls, and I’m really not impressed. This is not to say that we shouldn’t bitch, people, but the lowly unwashed masses should experience a greater standard of whin­ing in these hallowed halls than what they hear in Arts, let alone in Science, for Pete’s sake (yes, that’s a reference to our illustrious president).

Some say man created language to communicate. 1,*(7'$,"&')',3(0$$?*-$;&)*().$/*-4#*4)$("$6#/%//$,3'$deep, innermost desire – to bitch! How the hell else would we truly get down to expressing ourselves??

The thing that concerns me is that I’m hearing very ordinary bitching in my law school. Pull up your socks people! Really, you don’t like it when it’s cold in winter? Awww, pudding! Poor little pumpkin­butt! Let’s forget the fact that we’ve only really had one week of actual winter, and it’s January. Let’s forget that winter comes every single year. Let’s forget the fact that we can all afford warm winter clothes, and (,*($+)$'<)-.$*//$.*!$3-'3.)0$$@"#$<""&$/3((/)$9#6%-A+#6%-B$$@"#$4"($;"/.B

I’m just saying, if you’re wanking off about how rain gets you wet, shut the fuck up. All you’re doing is )-4*43-4$3-$#')/)''$/3<$:*<<3-4$("$,)*&$(,)$'"#-.$"6$your own voice. You really want to bitch? Grow a ')($*-.$43=)$3($;&)*(3=)$:*3&B$$

For example: I’ve heard complaints about Professor Cumming failing a few students. Sure, you could bitch about that. But wouldn’t it take it up a notch if instead, you appreciated the status an “F” from Cum­ming really brings, and bitched about how it’s the equivalent to a “B” from any other lick­spittle institu­tion?

Other common laments that could use up­grading:

C$ “Oh, I don’t have a job yet” Better bitch: “I’m a loser and it’s a good thing my parents are paying for this law school crap, or I’d really be fucked!

C$ “?$)67@,$82+&2A2$&,@5$,6B&7C$,!&5$+"7C$,"$(C*42$"*,$"*4$grades!”Better bitch: “I can’t believe this institution actu­ally allows for professors to have time off over the holidays! Do they think law school’s a joke?!?”

C$ “I can’t believe my grades have fallen this far!”Better bitch: “The fact that I have a job and am in 3rd year be damned! It’s those bloody keener 2nd years! Get a fucking job already and quit fucking me over on the curve!”

You know what? There’ll always be naysayers that think that there’s no perfect bitch. Screw that. The eloquency of bitching can take anyone down. Say, for example, you have a person that volunteers for every­thing, and does a lot of good helping a lot of people. You’d probably think you can’t bitch about someone like that, eh? To quote Obama, “Yes we can!” We can whine about anything! For example: People that ,)/<$"(,)&$<)"</)$*&)$')/%',0$$1,)$"-/!$&)*'"-$(,)!$help people is because they get a good feeling inside when they do it. That way they feel good about them­selves. They also feel superior to the rest of us lazy bastards who don’t do shit. They’re basically holier­than­thou self­absorbed assholes! The problem with this world is that pricks like this go out of their way to help people! Who the hell do they think they are!?

Yeah, that’s right. It’s a terrible place, and worth +,3-3-4$*2"#(0$$D-.$/*;E$"6$;&)*(3=3(!$3-$(,)$%)/.$"6$bitching is only making it worse. I really can’t be­lieve I have to bitch about this!

BITCHIN’ By: Ryan Henderson

US SANCTIONS AND OIL EMBARGO = FAILED FOREIGN POLICY

WORLD JUNION HOCKEY CHAMPIONSHIP: THE GAME AT ITS FINEST

By: Milad Alishahi

By: Todd Lucyk

You might have seen me wear­ing my Obama “Hope” T­shirt last year. This summer the shirt got ru­ined ­ bleach. Could it be that this was not a laundry mishap but rather foreshadowing? I remember when Obama was running for President he said he was going to open dialogue with Iran. Maybe we should have invited the President to our school for alternative dispute resolution +))E5$2);*#')$,3'$.)%-3(3"-$"6$,*=­ing a dialogue is different than mine. Sanctions and oil embargos are what the western world is offering to Iran, in response for continuing the nu­clear program. These sanctions and embargos do more harm than good.

At the mo­ment the people in Iran are not united; and the m a j o r ­ity of the people are opposed to the current r e g i m e . The Green R e v o l u ­tion in 2009 was a

display of this discontent. Sanctions and embargos will have somewhat of an impact on the government, but will also have severe impact on the people of Iran. China and India still plan on buying Iranian Oil (India plans on using Gold not USD to pay for the oil to avoid US sanctions). So maybe it won’t have as great of an impact as the US and EU origi­nally thought. What the sanctions and embargos will do is harm the people more than the government. For example, if an Iranian is suffer­ing from a heart condition and needs imported medicine, the cost will be '34-3%;*-(/!$ 9"&)$ (,*-$ 2)6"&)$ (,)$sanctions (Obama­care?). This can have a major impact on govern­

ment approval in Iran. Some say that people of Iran will blame their government for the rising costs as­sociated with this and will revolt, as they have done in the past. This isn’t what’s going to happen. What will happen and has happened in the past, is that the people will unite under a common “enemy”. Why would the Iranian people see the west as an enemy, when it is their government that won’t put an end to their nuclear program? Simply put, propaganda. Their government tells the Iranians that the nuclear program is for energy, not weapons and that the United States is a look­ing to justify war with Iran. Is this far­fetched? Weren’t the “Weapons of Mass Destruction” in Iraq (never found) used to justify a war with the Iraq?

Bottom line is that the sanctions

and embargo will set the Iranian mindset back 30 years unify­ing them under Ahmadinejad with the common enemy being the US. Obama should have done what the US, with the help of the British, did in 1953, which was ­ orchestrate in­telligence agencies to have a covert Coup. Remember that? This was when Iran was a democratic nation with an elected Prime Minister who nationalized oil and redistributed wealth, which was previously in the hands of British owned Anglo­Ira­nian Oil Company. It was then that the US and the British decided, it was time for a change. Yeah, Obama should have done it like that, because two wrongs make a right, right? Also remember that place that Osama Bin Laden was found and has become in­creasingly unstable ­ Pakistan. they already have nuclear weapons they just don’t have as much oil as Iran.

“What the sanctions and em­bargos will do is harm the people more than the govern­ment...”

Similar to the NCAA’s Final Four of basketball, there is a distinct quality of the WJHC that appeals to even the slightest of hockey fans as the tourna­ment puts on display the game at its purest form. Without the complication "6$;"-(&*;($"&$%-*-;3*/$3-;)-(3=)5$(,)$primary motivating factor for these U­20 year olds is the chance to put on their native sweater and bring home the gold. After spending my winter break divided between Edmonton and Calgary, I will recap Canada’s partici­pation in the tournament and provide commentary as to what went wrong for the red and white.

Road to Gold paved in Stone?As is the case every year at the WJHC, a Canadian hero is immediately born in the weeks following Christmas. This year was no different as Ottawa Senator’s 6th rounder Mark Stone

guided Canada to a perfect 4­0 record in the group stage, leading the way with 7 goals. The 6’3” winger from Winnipeg got the team off to a posi­tive start by recording a hat trick in the tournament opener versus Fin­land. Despite his weak skating, Stone showed well in the tournament with ,3'$;/3-3;*/$%-3',3-4$*-.$."93-*()$play behind the net. However, it is too early for Senator fans to get excited as dominance in the WJHC can often be attributed to physical maturity and does not necessarily parallel success at the NHL level.

History Hits the PostCanada’s run of 10 straight Gold Medal Game appearances came to an end during an instant classic versus the F#''3*-'$3-$(,)$')93A%-*/'0$D6()&$';"&­ing to make it 2­1 in the 2nd period, a combination of Canada’s undisciplined

COMING HOME SOON By: Luke Coupal[For those of you that don’t know, Luke Coupal is a law student tak­ing time off from his studies to 6#/%//$,3'$93/3(*&!$.#(3)'$"=)&')*'G

In my November article of the Ca­veat Lecture, I wrote that I had just arrived in Afghanistan. Yet already by the time the March issue of the Caveat Lector is published, I will be back in Saskatoon. It was a very short tour here in Afghanistan, but it was very productive. The Cana­dian Forces have accomplished a great deal, and I have learned a lot. I missed Halloween, my birthday, Christmas, New Year’s, and more, but all in all it was good that I was here.

During this short four month tour, the NATO Signal Training Adviso­ry Team and the Afghan National Army (ANA) Signal School gradu­ated 195 Signal soldiers; 60 of +,"9$+)&)$"6%;)&'$(,*($H$*9$<&3=3­leged to have helped train. Every other organization under Operation Attention has also done amazing work. I’m afraid I don’t have the exact numbers, but every morning I walk through the different Afghan military training schools and I see classroom after classroom of Af­ghan soldiers practicing their new skills and learning the intricacies of their new profession. They march up and down the parade square, usually in perfect unison and al­ways with purpose. These soldier students know that they have a huge opportunity to learn from us,

and they don’t let that opportunity go to waste. They are regularly reminded by their leadership that the foreign military support will not always be here, and they know that they need to be prepared for our eventual departure.

My rotation at the Signal School, Rotation Zero, took over from American and Scandinavian prede­cessors. They left us in a good po­sition to continue their efforts. Now as we prepare to come home, we *&)$<#((3-4$(,)$%-3',3-4$("#;,)'$"-$the next version of training for the DID0$J)$,*=)$%-3',).$&)=3)+3-4$the curriculum and designing new, hopefully more culturally relevant ways of teaching the ANA. It al­

most took the entire four months to learn the culture and the material, so we haven’t yet had an opportu­nity to test our new strategies. But given the amount of effort we put 3-("$(,3'$<&"K);(5$+)$*&)$;"-%.)-($that our replacements will see even more success than we did.

As for me, it has been a wonderul opportunity to immerse myself in an Islamic society and to learn about their beliefs and practices. It has been an opportunity to live with, speak with, and help those who live in a territory which has been rocked by violence for three decades. It has been an opportu­nity to interact with soldiers from all over Europe, the United States, Mongolia, Singapore, and of course, Afghanistan. I’ve learned about NATO from military gener­als; international law from military lawyers; and diplomacy from pro­fessional interpreters.

Four months is not very long in the grand scheme of things. Canada has already been in Afghanistan for ten years, and Operation Atten­tion will bring us to 2014. Based '"/)/!$"-$(,)')$%&'($6"#&$9"-(,'$of this new operation, I certainly can’t predict what the situation is going to look like in the future. But four months in Afghanistan, learn­ing about the realities here, has .)%-3()/!$2))-$*$4"".$3-=)'(9)-($of my time and I am glad that we were able to accomplish what we did.

</*!$*-.$F#''3*7'$;/3-3;*/$%-3',3-4$"6$every half­chance they were afforded put the game out of reach; 6­1 Russia, with just over 10 minutes remaining in the 3rd period. With the arena silent and most televisions already tuned elsewhere, Canada proceeded to score 4 goals in under 5 minutes, shrinking (,)$.)%;3($("$L$4"*/$+3(,$M$93-#()'$remaining in the 3rd period. Canada would continue to put on the pressure, including a Ryan Strome shot off the post in the dying minutes which de­

nied Canada their quest for gold, and put an end to what would have been the greatest comeback the game of hockey has ever seen. Canada domi­nated the Russians and were arguably the best team in the tournament, which is ironic, as in the end, it was Canada who beat themselves versus Russia by showing an uncharacteristic lack of discipline and control.

Three straight years without a gold medal may have Canadian fans wor­

ried that hockey is losing its title as “Canada’s Game”. Perspective re­minds us however, that every year the NHL steals eligible Canadian players from the tournament, players who if participated, would turn the tourna­ment into a battle for silver between the other participating countries. Despite no gold at the 2012 WJHC and increasing international parody, hockey remains Canada’s game.

“...I certainly can’t predict what the situation is going to look like in the future. But four months in Afghani­5,67$DDD$!65$%2(­nitely been a good investment of my time and I am glad that we were able to accomplish what

we did.”

Much to the chagrin of my fellow Law Gamers on the U of S team, I was wearing two hats during the lat­est instalment of the annual drinking and sports orgy hosted this year in Vancouver, British Columbia (you 9*!$,*=)$,)*&.$"6$3(80$?!$%&'($,*($+*'$(,)$'39</)$team member, soccer stallion and dodgeball Captain. My second hat, however, was a bit more sinister: that of the media fedora (yes–that douchey hat). Yes, I’m reporting after the fact on law games for the ben­)%($"6$(,)$&)*.)&'$"6$(,)$N*=)*($>+,"5$3&"-3;*//!5$*&)$mainly those who went to law games). No detail will be spared, however disgusting, illegal or French. That said, I can only tell the story of the games through my eyes. I’m not actually a reporter, doing independent re­search and getting the facts. The hell with that: trying to capture the entire galaxy of events and personalities at law games is like trying to write a history of the Congress of Vienna (though with less sex, money and French), I’m going to retell the story as best I can. All errors are Ryan Henderson’s alone. You can com­plain to him at ryanhenderson­isamuppet@gmail.com.

If one word describes the U of S experience it was this: “Tractor!”. “Tractor”, along with the bagpipes playing “Scotland the Brave” or “Old MacDonald” >(,*-E'$*4*3-5$O*/)-85$+*'$"#&$')93A"6%;3*/$.3((!5$anthem, hand gesture, mascot, God, occupation, and credo. The of U of S team harangued the opposition with bouts of “TRRRRACCCCTTTTOOORRR!”. All the carefully crafted songs and sayings by other, more creative schools were drowned out by the slow, painfully easy U of S chant. A simple, yet shockingly effective weapon, this was our broad sword, our spear, "#&$',3)/.5$"#&$:*4$*-.$"#&$2/3(PE&3)4$*//$&"//).$3-("$one. On one occasion, the U of A volleyball team cracked under the weight of the Green Tractor drone, though Mike Proudfoot’s Thunder Hammer Spike of Zeus also helped.

But there were other sayings thrown around. “Ou est Le Nez?” was often heard from single French women +*-.)&3-4$:""&$QR$"6$(,)$,"()/0$O/)-$I)P5$,"+)=)&5$was strangely AWOL for some of the games. It is not clear if this was related to his absence. “That shit cray” was a phrase coined by Jock and propagated by Galen Richardson. If someone asked you to describe the law

games experience in two and a half words, “that shit ;&*!S$+"#/.$'#6%;)5$"&$TU#$)'($/)$I)PS0$$

Of course, there were other schools joining the Green Praetorian Guard at law games. Each school had its own unique personality, despite carrying 40­some of the same grade and praise hungry narcissists and out­of­the­closet alcoholics. For example, McGill was our BFF, despite us beating them into a bloody pulp in sports. Western was also a friendly party during a late heroic battle (more on that later), but also a sports powerhouse (whom we did not play against, and hence did not lose to). Queen’s and U of Vic were nice, but we didn’t dance with them. U of C and Windsor were absent. Losers.

Not all schools, however, were so agreeable. U of T was its usual self, that is, full of it. If they are not care­ful they might get a reputation for being conceited. And then there were the Civil Law schools, the French

Schools. Don’t get me wrong, I love Quebec. Viva Quebec Libra and all

that crap. In fact, individually and as a group most of the French schools and the French students themselves were great fun and elite party rockers. That said, one school in particular seemed to take the partying be­yond anything comprehensible. Sherbrooke or the “Sherby Machine” combined aggressive alcohol con­sumption and reckless destruction of property much like if you were to combine the Irish with the Mon­gols. I would go into further detail about it, but much of their acts defy explanation. Ask a gamer about it. In any case, here’s hoping for a one­year ban.

Our hosts UBC performed their role adequately, though not, I am told, in a way that compares to the performance that Laval did a year previous. There were logistical hurdles and other gaffs, especially with respect to the sheer vastness of the UBC campus (I needed no reminder having walked there for 4 years). The venues, aside from the pub­crawl were more than adequate, and in some cases amazing.

The hotel itself was the somewhat aged Vancouver Icon – the Empire Landmark. I suppose it is a “land­mark” because of the eyesore revolving restaurant

“THAT SHIT CRAY”: THE OFFICIAL U OF S LAW GAMES HISTORY By: Tom Posyniak

“...TRRRRACCCCTTTTOOORRR!...”

on top. The remainder of the building seemed to be '#6%;3)-(/!$<&)A+)*(,)&).$)-"#4,$("$,3.)$(,)$)V<);().$crash and thunder that is 400 some law students hell bent on enforcing their right to drunken debauchery. 1,)$%&'($-34,($(,)!$,*.$("$',#($."+-$(,)$)/)=*("&'0$Yeah.

Each night had one social event (each with its own liver and wallet tax). The opening night had the entire contingent get acquainted at the Commodore Ball room, which is Vancouver’s rock­show concert hall. 1,)&)$+*'$',#6:3-4$(,)&)0$I)V($+*'$*$<#2$;&*+/5$though it wasn’t so much a “crawl” as each bar was situated a perverse distance away, and in some cases had people doubling back to the same area. Yes, I am complaining still. Team Sasky, however, was paired against Dalhousie in a series of drinking challenges. Dalhousie was clad in Navy themed uni­forms suggest­ing that they have in fact been either tak­en over by the Royal Canadian Navy or are now a training house for posi­tions as a single member of the Village people. 1,)!$(""E$:3<$cup; we took boat races. Game recog­nizing game. There was also ',#6:3-40$

Day three was the talent show, or as I like to call it, the UofVic and Galen Richard­son talent show. Here’s the talent show in a nutshell: French schools go up with very little on and put on “I’m sexy and I know it”; Dal sung, but we couldn’t hear; Ottawa was racist; UWO did an interpretive sports dance; Queen’s rapped; UofA danced but UofVic danced better. Awesome in fact. As suggested on the title of this issue, Laval won the talent show, but that result was totally bogus. UofVic put together an amazing dancing compilation and was, in my view, unjustly denied their victory. We had Galen on the Pipes for 30 seconds – I’m saying we came in at least 3rd. Oh yeah, UBC tried to perform some bizarre 6 act play on law school (like we somehow missed the experience before going to law games) but by that point people were rowdy, bored and openly booing. Embarrassing. This wasn’t pretty. Still, at least there +*'$',#6:3-40$

1,)$%-*/$.*!$"6$(,)$4*9)'$&);"=)&).$'#2'(*-(3*//!$with a banquet at Vancouver’s new convention cen­tre, which could have doubled for a wooden aircraft hanger it was so huge. And yes, you guessed it – ev­)&!.*!$+)$+)&)$',#6:3-40$

Obviously, there were the sports events themselves. Saskatchewan was a contender in nearly everything we played. Though UWO, which is currently being investigated for doping, took the sports title, we still performed admirably. Our water polo team breezed to a cool second place, surprising even themselves. There’s now a water polo team for Campus REC.

While still carrying two Laval girls on his back, Lo­gan Kachur lead our football team to victory against McGill, crushing them 59­7, or something. However,

the team came up short in the next game against UBC. Logan summar­ily executed a teammate in response. UBC’s female members of their team are being investi­gated for dop­ing, probably. Our Basketball and “ultimate” Frisbee had a hard time making head­way, but again this may be due to rampant cheating by other schools. Another inves­

tigation is pending. Our soccer team similarly came up short against Dalhousie, despite the butt load of goals scored by Matt Straw throughout the tournament and having Sacha Lungo put up a wall made of a Bear in net. Finally, more optimistically, our Dodgeball team '("".$#-.)6)*().$*//$(,)$+*!$("$(,)$')93A%-*/'$*4*3-'($W$"6$15$+,)&)$+)$%-*//!$'#;;#92).$("$(,)3&$X*'($O)&­man female players.

There was also the moot. We didn’t win that either, but we came close. Huge props to Michelle Lang and Glenn MacKay for…well…actually doing it. Bravo.

It was in volleyball, a sport well known in the hot sandy dunes of Saskatchewan, that we made our stand. We won. Not only did we win, we won big. A mighty 2/"+0$W$"6$D$+*'$*$,"($6*="#&3()0$1,)!$+)&)$:*',!5$athletic, and good looking (but not handsome, like us).

“...the talent show in a nutshell: French schools go up with very little on and put on “I’m sexy and I know it”; Dal sung, but we couldn’t hear; Ottawa was racist; UWO did an interpretive sports dance; Queen’s rapped; UofA danced but UofVic danced better... ...We had Galen on the E&125$'"4$F.$52)"7%5$G$?@0$56=&7C$#2$

came in at least 3rd...”

W$"6$D$(""E$(,)$%&'($')(0$1,)$<&)''#&)$+*'$"-0$Y"+­ever, lead by Matt Schmeling, our Glorious President, Peter Kazman, and Mike Proudfoot, we turned the tide, taking the last two sets. Peter’s sets were so easy the French girls were jealous. Mike and Matt’s rolling thunderous spikes were so powerful they had to rezone the UBC gym to allow for howitzer testing. Our entire team showed up and bombarded the opposition with the words to our key chant. The wheels came off for U of A, and the tractor wheels came on for the UofS. It was truly entertaining.

In addition to sports, there were many games. Unlike sports, we here at U of S seem to have no equal in games. Andrea Johnson and Celia Ngo came in sec­ond in super huge Jenga, while Glenn MacKay, Drew Arruda, Matt Schmeling, and Karl Roemer showed that the U of S foosball table has paid for itself with glory…in foosball. We also won in the polar bear swim, though no one attempted the Wreck beach naked special polar bear swim. Finally, we came in a honourable third place in the Vancouver scavenger hunt thanks to Dave Hansford, who took time out of his Yoga and tea schedule to guide the team. Thanks Dave.

U-$(,)$%-*/$.*!5$*($WZN7'$',3-!$-)+$D//*&.$Y*//5$+)$,*.$"#&$%-*/$4*9)$[$*$(&3;!;/)$&*;)0$1,)$&*;)$3-="/=).$a small tricycle, while the pilot was pelted with wa­ter balloons from other teams. Galen, Calen, Adam McCloud, and myself were the members of the relay

team. We didn’t win, but that’s not important. What was important was the battle that occurred after. UBC had amassed an impressive arsenal of water balloons. They had two large recycling bins full, while our team had only gathered a few dozen (Thanks, Glenn). After (,)$&*;)5$<&).3;(*2/!5$2*//""-$%&)$+*'$)V;,*-4).0$With little ammo remaining, our Warriors huddled together and, without warning, we charged their bal­loon supplies, making off with as many as we could. J3(,$WJU$'#<<"&(3-4$"#&$:*-E$+)$,)/.$"66$WZN7'$barbarian horde for several minutes. It was a triumph of Saskatchewan bravery and grit. The Battle of Al­lard Hall was a glorious conclusion to the law games experience.

After that everyone got on their hands and picked up the balloons on the ground. War is hell.

In all this, there were several lessons to be gleaned from these law games.

1. Bring bag pipes, or some other musical instru­ment of war. If there’s no bag pipes next year, '"9)"-)$2&3-4$*$%6)$*-.$.&#9$')(0$

2. Bowen Island Beer is garbage ­ thanks UBC. Pack pilsner for next year.

3. Cheering loud, hard and proud. When our team was under one roof, cheering – or chant­ing, our effectiveness grew in everything we did. We did well, but more is always better.

4. Pack Graval, PowerAde and Redbull for mornings. While you’re at it, bring some food too, though not sardines, beans, tuna, and nuts, like Felipe.

5. Leadership is essential. Captain (Commander, Caesar, Dear Leader) Lalli did an outstanding K"20$J,")=)&$6"//"+'$,)&$,*'$9*''3=)$',")'$("$%//0$

6. Just do it. During law school, you should come to law games at least once, if not more. I know – its expensive, its far, its cold, its dirty (though this is a valid claim), bla bla bla… Going to law games, aside from being simply a good time all around exposes you to things that are outside of your comfort zone, something you’re going to be done day in day out probably for the rest of your career. Not only that, but you get to meet great people in your profession from around the country, and some other people from some funky province where we have no idea what the fuck they’re doing – Mani­toba. But more importantly, law games bring a large <*&($"6$(,)$';,""/$("4)(,)&0$1,)$%''#&)'$2)(+))-$the years, if there were any, are substantially erased insofar as those who participated. I think this is healthy, and necessary for any law school. It is wor­thy of LSA funding.

“... With little ammo re­maining, our Warriors huddled together and, without warning, we charged their balloon supplies, making off with as many as we could. ...we held off UBC’s bar­barian horde for several minutes. It was a triumph of Saskatchewan bravery

and grit...”

1. Our Professors: Even the greatest institution is just an empty building without the people who bring it to life. We’re pretty lucky here at the U of S to have a broad range of excellent professors. I’m just saying, I had the chance to learn constitutional law from John Whyte, who actually told us ,)$.3.-7($;*&)$36$+)$%//).$"#($(,)$teacher evaluations! No kidding. Like it would affect his standing as awesome. I’ve learned from Profes­sor Cumming that he can legitimate­ly trash the government for screwing up HIS statute! I love it. For those "6$!"#$3-()&)'().$3-$%.#;3*&!$"2/34*­tions, or ethics, I hear we have well known profs for that as well. Hoehn shows Monty Python clips. Surtees writes us poems! That’s bad ass. And you know what? Tip of the hat to profs like Larre who take delight in teaching the most boring law known to man. That’s a special type of awesome in itself – like it or not, we need to learn that shit too. Oh, and shout out to Poitras and Brown – you are missed, my friends.

2. Our Bathrooms:$@"#$%&'($years missed out on this, but when our lovely eco­friendly wash­&""9'$+)&)$%&'($3-'(*//).5$(,)!$+)&)$so bio­friendly that they brought a tear to your eye. Literally. They also burnt the back of your throat, and made you die a little on the inside every time you used them. No :#',$#&3-*/'$\$*99"-3*$2#3/.$#<$= bathroom of death. Thank you, college, for allowing us water in our urinals. It’s true, you don’t appreci­ate what you have until it’s gone. I ;*-7($]#3($!"#5$!"#$2)*#(36#/$:#',$urinal!

3. The Weeds on our Roof: Another tip of the hat to the "=)&A4&))-3%;*(3"-$"6$*2'"/#()/!$everything. Our campus is a beauti­ful oasis of green in the summer, but (,3'$3'$-"($'#6%;3)-($6"&$"#&$3//#'(&3­ous selves. We are so eco­friendly that we use our roof as a sanctuary for all the ugly­ass, dead­looking brown­withered weeds that every­one else in this province sprays with

24D. Sure, most people burn/weed/toss that crap, but they are much shittier hippies than us. Aesthetics *-.$;"'(A)6%;3)-;!$2)$.*9-).5$+)$love our earth, and that ugly ass roof proves it.

4. Our Library: I love our library (except for the fact that it’s open to SNAILs). We are surrounded by years and years of ac­cumulation of texts and compilations and periodicals that make you look smart just sitting next to them. And that’s all they will ever be used for. Thank God for the Internet.

5. Proximity to Coffee: Star­bucks on one side; Timmy Ho’s on the other. It’s beautiful. People complain that we don’t have a coffee kiosk in the building, but think of the riffraff that will bring in. The status quo is perfect.

6. Creepiest Basement Ever: If you’ve never been in the basement, seriously, go check it out. Enter from the stairs between us and (spit) business “school.” The entire place just screams “OMG, where’s my rape whistle!!?” Very cool, in a creepy, “thank God we don’t have to learn here” type way. Maybe a pos­sible idea for a follies video people (just something creepy, not to be taken as endorsing an actual sexual assault – probably won’t be received well at Follies).

7. Our Colleagues: Even when school isn’t cool, at least your buddies are there to experience the pain with you. I’ve met some great people in law school, but I’d rather talk about my friends. Where )/')$*&)$!"#$4"--*$%-.$<)"</)$+,"$will babysit you all night when you’re loser drunk (Felipe – nice work), be there for you when you’re having an actual emotion (Pashovitz & Drew, though this is purely theo­retical), or just save you from ram­ming a pen through your eye when class is that damn boring (Ali, you deliciously twisted Facebook freak). And cheers to the rest of my peeps that I’ve failed to mention here:

you too rock the casbah, I’m just protecting identities here.

8. The Cool Statues: Yeah, the ones by where everyone smokes. I know they’re good art, because I have no idea what the fuck they are/mean. Don’t give this away to the plebes though, people. If an outsider asks what these Gumby­wannabe pieces of crap are supposed to convey, just look at the inquirer in disdain, snort, and walk away. A little disdain will help to show them that, yes, we are better than them, and we are worth every dollar they will soon have to pay us. It will also make them hate our statues too (Ac­tually, I have a theory on what they represent, but I think it’s right, and I think it sucks, so I’m trashing them on a red­neck level)

9. Dief the Chief: The portrait in the library (where it used to be – apparently they took it down because even the institution gave up on us) looks down on us all, and rightfully so. It helps you strive for greatness, as Dief is clearly letting you know how much of a piece of shit you are in comparison to him. From these hallowed halls came a Prime Minister. What the fuck did you do today (other than Facebook your buddies)? Get on it! (This is not to infer that I plan to accomplish anything special in my life – I’m old – you whippersnappers better get on it!)

10. The Fact it’s in Saskatch­ewan: Yeah, that’s right, you other loser provinces. We’re the only Saskatchewan law school. That means the only real law school. Yeah, yeah, multi­faceted, diversi­%).5$2/*,5$2/*,5$2/*,0$$@"#$E-"+$your fellow students from outside this jurisdiction will go back home as soon as they graduate, if not sooner, so why be nice to them? If I would have been just a little bit ruder, I might have gotten rid of Po­syniak 2 years ago! Sorry about that, everyone. Won’t happen again.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY OUR COLLEGE OF LAW KICKS ASSBy: Ryan Henderson