The Bully and Hero in Every Child

Barbara Micucci Caley ElementaryJessica Rosenfeld Candlebrook ElementaryThe Bully and Hero in Every Child1AgendaBullying BasicsThe Bully TriangleThe Power of the BystanderWhat Parents Can DoWhat Schools Are DoingAction PlanningYou have brains in your head and feet in your shoes.You can point yourself in any direction you choose. - Dr. Seuss

Review of definition, some statistics, types of bullying.Action planning let parents know that this is a good opportunity to make a plan for the next time their child comes home talk about these issues.2Bullying BasicsWhat is bullying?Negative actions carried out by physical contact, words, making faces, gestures, rumors, intentional exclusion (Dan Olweus, 1997)When a more powerful person hurts or frightens a less powerful person deliberately and repeatedlyLack of empathy

3Is it RUDE? Is it MEAN? Is it BULLYING?Bullying is:Deliberate, intentionally hurtfulRepeated, person is targeted again and againImbalance of Power, vulnerabilities are detected

Be informed to help your child choose NOT to put the bully hat on!

4The Behavioral ContinuumTeasing.TauntingSharing Stories.Malicious GossipNormal Exclusions.Malicious ExclusionSupportive Friendships.Alliance BuildingReporting.TattlingGenuine Remorse.Insincere Apologies5Types of BullyingPhysical AggressionHitting, poking, kicking, beating upVerbal Aggression (verbal and non-verbal)Yelling, teasing, name callingRelational AggressionSilent treatment, exclusive clubs, starting rumors, using personal information to humiliate someoneCyberbullyingUse of computers, cell phones and other electronic devices to deliberately and repeatedly harm others

Show American Girl Video (scenes 2 5)6Monkey Business Illusionhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGQmdoK_ZfY&feature=email

7Bullying Statistics9 out of 10 elementary students have been bullied by their peers (Stanford University School of Medicine and Lucile Packard Childrens Hospital, 2007)One in 4 students reported being excluded or emotionally hurt by another student on a regular basis. One in 10 students reported being physically victimized on a regular basis. (Youth Voice Project, 2010)Most cyerbullying occurs between the ages of 9 to 14 (Dr. Parry Aftab, wiredsafety.net)8Cyberbullying StatisticsOne out of 5 youth has cyberbullied others online (Cyberbullying Research Center, Spring 2010)Less than 10% of targets of cyberbullying told a parent and less than 5% told a teacher (Patchin and Hinduja, 2006)Electronic bullying tends to peak in middle school years (Williams and Guerra, 2007)Girls experience and participate in cyberbullying more frequently than traditional bullying (Patchin and Hinduja, 2009)

9The Bully TriangleThe Person BullyingBystandersThe Person Being Bullied

10Bullying Behaviors What should I look for?Physical AggressionVerbal AggressionRelationalAggressionCyberbullyingPokingTeasingIgnoring, ExcludingExcluding someone from an online groupPushing, Hitting, KickingName-calling, Yelling, InsultingSpreading rumors, Telling liesSending hurtful, embarrassing or threatening imagesBeating UpThreatening to harmGetting others to hurt someoneSpreading rumors, Posting false or private information11Everyone in the triangle is affectedAggressors are at risk:

Loneliness, depression, distressDisruptive behaviorsPeer rejectionNegative view of self and othersLow attachment to school and parentsJealousy and conflicts

12Warning signs of bullyingUnexplained damage or loss of clothing and other personal itemsEvidence of physical abuse such as bruises or scratchesLoss or change of friendsReluctance to participate in activities with peersLoss of interest in favorite activitiesProblems with eating, sleeping or bed wettingDecline in school achievementThoughts of suicide13Everyone in the triangle is affectedTargets are at risk:

Headaches, stomachaches, other somatic symptomsUnusually sad, moody, anxious, lonely or depressedLow self esteemSchool avoidance

14The Bystander80% of bullying occurs with an audience.Hurtful Bystander Instigate, Encourage, Join In, Passively AcceptPassively standing by provides an audience and an implied acceptance of the behaviorHelpful BystanderDirectly interveneGets help (from peers or adults)Support the person being bullied

15The Power of the Helpful BystanderWhen bystanders intervene within 10 seconds, it stops the bullying 50% of the time (Hawkins, 2001)A target with one close friend can buffer the effects of bullying (Hodges, 1999)Bystanders can be empowered to notice the behavior and support the target!

16Everyone in the triangle is affectedBystanders are at riskSchool phobiaHeadaches, stomachachesAnxietyFeelings of helplessness and powerlessnessPoor coping and problem solving skills

17An American GirlExamples of bullying can be found in many places online and in movies

Excerpts seen here from An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong 18Bullying ScenariosIdentify what role the child in the scenario is playing.

What type of bullying is occurring?

How would you handle this situation?19Be a supportive parentYour child is using bullying behaviorTeach and encourage empathy the more compassion your child feels, the less likely he or she might be to use bullying behaviors with another studentTeach your child to self reflect: Is it TRUE? Is it KIND? Is it NECESSARY?Monitor activities and be aware of peer interactionsModel positive behaviorIntervene immediatelyEncourage reconciliation, expect restitution

20Be a supportive parentYour child is being bulliedBe a good listenerSupport your childLet your child know that they are not at faultTeach problem-solving skillsRole play situations and practice assertiveness skillsBe a positive role model for your child

Bullying is not a normal part of childhood, be sure to reinforce this concept with your child. Discuss pothole responses and resurfaced responses.21Be a supportive parentYour child is a bystanderReview the ways your child can helpRole play teach specific skills and PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!Support your child and encourage your child when they help othersRemind your child that just being there and showing support to a friend is a good way to be an active bystanderModel positive behavior22Ways parents can take actionIf you see bullying or cyberbullying happening:Intervene immediatelyAvoid lecturing the person bullying in front of an audienceDont impose immediate consequencesMonitor all technology devices and activityMake your child aware dont put something in writing that you wouldnt say directly to someoneDiscuss internet safetyReport dangerous online behavior

Think twice before forwarding hurtful emails or visiting sites that promote cyberbullying. Think before allowing others to take videos or pictures (be aware of the content.)23What should you tell children about bullying?Bullying is not acceptable and will not be toleratedIf a bully bothers you, its okay to stand up for yourself, walk away, or ask a friend or adult for help.Responding to bullying by fighting back doesnt usually work and may make matters worse.It is important to report bullying when you see and hear about it.Bullying does not have to happen.Be a helpful bystander silence when others are being bullied is not acceptable.24What should you tell your child about cyberbullying?Teach your kids to Take 5 when cyberbullyingDrop the mouseStep away from the computerCalm downTeach the consequences of their actionsThink about how much bullying hurts

In the end we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.- Martin Luther King Jr.Cyberbullying is different than normal bullying. Goes beyond face to face, can be known or unknownanyone can bully anyone else online. Its more difficult to prevent, get rid of, can spread quickly and leave a permanent online trail.

When someone write something the possibility of being retraumatized by words increases. 25What is in your childs toolbox?Different situations require different toolsSTOP!Why? Why? Why?So, Whatever, Huh, Who Cares (Neutral Tones)Change the subjectUse HumorTurn an insult into a complimentAgreeReport the bullying to an adult

266 Toolbox Strategies to be a Bully Buster BystanderB Befriend the victim

U Use a Distraction

S Speak Out and Stand Up!

T Tell or Text For Help

E Exit ALONE OR With Others

R Give a Reason or Remedy

27What are we doing?Guidance LessonsIndividual CounselingSmall Group CounselingRole PlayBibliotherapyAdministrative ActionSchool District Policy

28Now what?Take a moment to create a plan.What are you going to say to your child?How can you help if you child is currently being bullied?

29Resourceswww.eyesonbullying.org, Eyes on Bullying Toolkitwww.trudyludwig.comwww.micheleborba.com, Dr. Michele BorbaThe Bully and Hero in Every Child, Parents Magazine, September 2001, p. 161-163Bullying in the Girls World: A School-Wide Approach to Girl Bullying, Diane Sennwww.guardingkids.com, Dr. Russell Sabella

30Contact Us!If you would like to speak with either Mrs. Micucci or Ms. Rosenfeld further, please contact us at:

Barbara Micucci, Caley Elementary Schoolbmicucci@umasd.org, 610-205-3689

Jessica Rosenfeld, Candlebrook Elementary Schooljrosenfeld@umasd.org, 610-205-3734

**If you would like a copy of this powerpoint, please visit our websites. Websites can be accessed through UMASD.org

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