the big bang theory spec - the ogre-glashow conspiracy

THE BIG BANG THEORY

"The Ogre-Glashow Conspiracy"

written byKimberly Fagerlid

Kimberly [email protected]

TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. STAIRWELL - DAY (DAY 1)(LEONARD, SHELDON, WOLOWITZ, KOOTHRAPPALI, PENNY)

BATTLE WEARY AND COVERED IN DIRT, LEONARD, SHELDON, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPPALI TRUDGE UP THE FOUR FLIGHTS OF STAIRS. THEY ARE DRESSED IN FANTASY GARB - SHELDON THE ELF RANGER, LEONARD THE KNIGHT, WOLOWITZ THE BARD AND KOOTHRAPPALI THE HUMAN MAGE.

SHELDON’S EYES ARE OBSCURED BY A HOOD.

SHELDON

I’m just saying that it never would

have happened if you guys had followed

my plan.

LEONARD

It was forty pages long. Nobody has

time to read that.

KOOTHRAPPALI

And that’s not counting the post-its.

WOLOWITZ

There were more post-its than actual

pages.

KOOTHRAPPALI

And no pictures! Where are all the

pictures, man? I’m a visual learner.

SHELDON

And nobody showed up to the pre-game

meeting.

LEONARD

Everybody showed up. You spent the

entire time talking about period

culture and debating with Howard

wether we should bring Cheese Puffs or

Snickerdoodles as the midday snack.

WOLOWITZ

Cheese Puffs all the way.

SHELDON

You’re mistaken. Snickerdoodles

clearly outrank those cheesy balls of

cholesterol by quantum miles. And

Leonard, I meant the pre-pre-game

meeting.

WOLOWITZ

Did you guys notice the hot barmaid?

KOOTHRAPPALI

The blond in the green dress or the

brunette in the red?

WOLOWITZ

The blond. Totally got her number.

Bedroom eyes, baby, it’s all about the

bedroom eyes.

SHELDON

That’s ridiculous Howard, your eyes

can’t take on the quality of an entire

room. Where would you store your

sheets?

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

THE BIG BANG THEORY - "THE OGRE-GLASHOW CONSPIRACY" 2.

THEY HEAD FROM THE STAIRS TO THEIR APARTMENT.

KOOTHRAPPALI

No way, she totally had a thing for

me.

WOLOWITZ PULLS OUT A NAPKIN WITH A PHONE NUMBER WRITTEN ON IT AND HOLDS IT UP TO KOOTHRAPPALI.

WOLOWITZ

Read it and weep.

KOOTHRAPPALI PRODUCES A NAPKIN FROM HIS POCKET, WITH THE SAME PHONE NUMBER, AND HOLDS IT UP TO WOLOWITZ.

WOLOWITZ LOOKS BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE NUMBERS.

WOLOWITZ (CONT’D)

This can’t be!

PENNY, DRESSED IN FANCY CLOTHES, COMES UP THE STAIRS, HEADING FOR HER APARTMENT. SHE STOPS, NOTICING THE GUYS ALL DRESSED UP.

LEONARD

You’re dressed up pretty fancy.

PENNY

Just got back from a date. George.

What’re you guys doing?

SHELDON

Raj and Howard are having woman

troubles and we just got back from

LARP.

PENNY

LARP? Sounds like the noise a puppy

would make. Larp, larp! Get it?

PENNY CHUCKLES, THE GUYS STARE BLANKLY. AWKWARD.

PENNY (CONT’D)

...Right.


THE GUYS ENTER SHELDON AND LEONARD’S APARTMENT, PENNY FOLLOWING WITH A SHORT GLANCE BACK TO HER DOOR.

INT. SHELDON AND LEONARD’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

SHELDON

Live Action Roleplaying. We wander

around the forest getting beat-up by

fantastical humanoid creatures while

our friends scream and run away like

sissies.

LEONARD

I said I was sorry.

UPSET, SHELDON FLIPS HIS HOOD DOWN, REVEALING A BLACK-EYE. HE POINTS TO IT, ACCUSINGLY.

SHELDON

Well that doesn’t make this any

better, now does it?!

PENNY

Oh my God, Sheldon, what happened?

SHELDON

A 12-foot tall Ogre with a battle axe

and an ornery disposition, that’s what

happened.

LEONARD

Six feet, seven at most.

SHELDON

[TO PENNY, RE: LEONARD] He abandoned

me.


LEONARD

The battle axe was made of foam.

[DEFEATED] Fine. What can I do to make

it up to you?

SHELDON

You can start by buying me a

Snickerdoodle.

KOOTHRAPPALI

I’m going to call her. Leonard, let me

use your phone.

WOLOWITZ

No, she’s mine! Let me use your phone!

LEONARD

I’m not getting in the middle of this.

WOLOWITZ

Leonard, come on!

KOOTHRAPPALI

Do it for the children!

LEONARD

No. If you want to call her, use your

own phones.

KOOTHRAPPALI

It’s bad reception in here.

LEONARD

Then go outside.

KOOTHRAPPALI AND WOLOWITZ LOOK AT EACH OTHER FOR A MOMENT. IN CONTEST, THEY BOTH RUSH OUT THE DOOR.

PENNY

You really shouldn’t let people push

you around.


SHELDON

Well what can I say, I’m an elf. I’m

small and light of foot. I can kill

you from a distance, but in hand to

hand combat, I crumple like a

withering September leaf.

PENNY

That’s very poetic. But you’re a

science guy, can’t you beat the evil

Ogre with science-y type stuff?

SHELDON LAUGHS.

SHELDON

Please. This is basically fantasy

medieval, when they still thought the

Earth was flat and disease could be

cured by astrological signs.

PENNY

Like Lord of the Rings?

SHELDON

Color me impressed. I suppose I could

think of some crude, period worthy

device. I am the greatest mind of the

century, after all.

PENNY

There you go.

SHELDON

I hope I didn’t lose any of my

brilliance when I got hit, after

Leonard ran away.


LEONARD

How many times do I have to say I’m

sorry?

SHELDON

I don’t know, Leonard. How much longer

will it take for you to get me my

Snickerdoodle?

LEONARD FROWNS, HEADS FOR THE BEDROOMS.

SHELDON (CONT’D)

Where are you going?

LEONARD

Checking to see if I own a foam battle

axe.

SHELDON

Good. [TO PENNY] He should have been

an ogre. He’s way too temperamental to

be a Knight.

LEONARD YELLS FROM THE BACK ROOM.

LEONARD

I heard that! [BEAT] Keebler Elf!

SHELDON LOOKS INDIGNANT.

CUT TO:

MAIN TITLES


ACT ONE

INT. CALTECH LUNCHROOM - DAY (DAY 2)[SHELDON, LEONARD, WOLOWITZ, KOOTHRAPALLI]

SHELDON, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALLI SIT AT A TABLE, EATING LUNCH. THEY ALL HAVE CANS OF POP.

LEONARD COMES UP, SITS, SETS HIS LUNCH DOWN - A CAN OF POP ON HIS TRAY.

SHELDON

Leonard, what are you doing on

Saturday?

LEONARD(suspicious)

Why?

SHELDON

There’s a debate, on String Theory.

Edward Witton is one of the speakers.

He believes that string theory is the

beginning of a true fundamental

description of the nature of all

things.

LEONARD

That name sounds familiar.

SHELDON

[SCOFFS] I should hope so. He was here

at Caltech back in 2001. He’s forth on

my list of People I Would Like to Be

If I Couldn’t Be Me.

LEONARD

Forth?


SHELDON

Underneath Leonard Nimoy, Spock and

The Green Lantern.

WOLOWITZ

What about Batman?

SHELDON

I don’t have the upper body strength

it takes to hang on to a grappling

hook.

KOOTHRAPALLI

And you don’t want everyone to see

your nipples.

SHELDON

In my mind, I’ve erased Batman Forever

from canonical lore.

KOOTHRAPALLI

If only we could erase it from our

minds completely.

LEONARD

At least we have The Dark Knight.

SHELDON

Thank God for Christopher Nolan.

LEONARD

Cheers.

THEY CLINK THEIR POP CANS TOGETHER.

LEONARD (CONT’D)

So who’s Witten debating against?


SHELDON

I don’t know, but I’m sure it will be

a titilating experience.

LEONARD

Hey, I’m trying to eat here.

WOLOWITZ

Sheldon Lee Glashow. He’s a math and

physics teacher at Boston U. He won

the nobel prize in ‘79.

SHELDON

What? That can’t be right. That’s my

name, he can’t have my name!

KOOTHRAPALLI

What are the odds? Two Sheldon Lee’s

in theoretical physics.

WOLOWITZ

How do we tell them apart? Oh I know,

only one has a nobel prize.

WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALLI HIGH FIVE.

KRIPKE SPOTS THEM, SAUNTERS OVER, LOOKING EXTRA SMUG.

SHELDON SEES HIM COMING.

SHELDON

[TO HIMSELF] Oh Lord, as if this day

can’t get any worse. This is so

unfair. It’s like some sort of Ogre-

Glashow conspiracy against me. [BEAT]

I need to go cheer myself up.

SHELDON STANDS.


LEONARD

Where are you going?

SHELDON

To figure out a rudimentary plan on

how to kill an ogre using only

medieval paraphernalia.

LEONARD

Good luck with that.

SHELDON

Thank you.

SHELDON LEAVES. KRIPKE ARRIVES.

KRIPKE

Hey losers. Guess who has a hot date

for the debate this Saturday? [BEAT]

That would be me.

WOLOWITZ

Your cousin in town?

KRIPKE GLARES AT WOLOWITZ.

KRIPKE

Har har. I’m going with Susan Flint.

LEONARD

Dr. Susan Flint? From the Geology

department?

WOLOWITZ

[TO KOOTHRAPALLI] I’d let her study my

rocks anytime.

KOOTHRAPALLI NODS IN AGREEMENT.

KOOTHRAPALLI

Me and her, we’d be volcanic.


LEONARD SHAKES HIS HEAD AT THE EXCHANGE, THEN FOCUSES ON KRIPKE.

LEONARD

How’d you ever trick her into saying

yes?

KRIPKE

I just asked her, I didn’t have to

trick her. Like some people.

LEONARD

Kripke, I could snap my fingers and

have a hot date before you could say

‘daaamn'.

KRIPKE

You’re on, Hoffstaeder. I’ll see you

and your [AIR QUOTES] date, this

Saturday.

KRIPKE STOMPS AWAY.

KOOTHRAPALLI

You’re going to ask Penny, aren’t you?

LEONARD

Yes. As a friend. Friends do that.

AWKWARD SILENCE.

LEONARD (CONT’D)

Sooo, what’s new with you guys?

WOLOWITZ

I have a date tomorrow night.

KOOTHRAPALLI

So do I.

LEONARD

[GRINS] With each other?


WOLOWITZ

No, with the hot blond barmaid.

KOOTHRAPALLI

I, too, have a date with the hot blond

barmaid. [LOOKS AT WOLOWITZ,

EMPHASIZES] Angela.

WOLOWITZ

How did you know her name?

KOOTHRAPALLI

‘Cause she’s my girl.

WOLOWITZ

No she isn’t, she’s mine!

KOOTHRAPALLI

Mine!

LEONARD

Look, guys, what time are your dates

set for tomorrow night? Whoever has

their’s first, gets the girl.

WOLOWITZ

Fair enough.

KOOTHRAPALLI

My date’s at four.

WOLOWITZ

So’s mine.

KOOTHRAPALLI

You can’t say that, that’s cheating.

WOLOWITZ

No, it really is at four. Why would

she make our dates at the same time?


KOOTHRAPALLI

Maybe she’s into the kinky stuff.

AN AWKWARD SILENCE.

WOLOWITZ

I’m going to go call her.

KOOTHRAPALLI

So am I.

KOOTHRAPALLI AND WOLOWITZ BOTH STAND. THEIR EYES LOCK FOR A MOMENT.

THEY EXIT IN A RUN, ONCE AGAIN IN COMPETITION.

INT. HALLWAY - DAY [DAY 3][SHELDON, LEONARD, PENNY]

SHELDON AND LEONARD IN COSTUME, RETURN FROM LARP. SHELDON LOOKS EVEN MORE BEAT-UP THAN BEFORE.

LEONARD

Sheldon, I-

SHELDON

Not another word!

PENNY APPROACHES.

PENNY

How did your LARP go?

SHELDON

You can’t tell by the amount of dirt

on my Elven garb? By the bruises I can

feel forming on every inch of my body?

PENNY

Ohh, I’m sorry.

SHELDON

You’re fine Penny, you don’t have

anything to be sorry about. You

weren’t there.


But then again, neither was Leonard.

[TO LEONARD] You owe me two

snickerdoodles now.

LEONARD

Come on, you can hardly blame this on

me. For example, I wasn’t the one who

constructed a bear pit in the middle

of the forest, forget where I dug it

and then fall into it.

SHELDON

I didn’t forget, I knew it was

somewhere near there, but it was

difficult to spot. After several years

of getting chased by bullies on the

walk home from school, I became very

adept at environmental camouflage.

PENNY

So it wasn’t an Ogre this time.

SHELDON

Yes it most certainly was.

LEONARD

They found him trapped in the hole,

after I left to get some rope to help

him out.

SHELDON

See? You left. Which you wouldn’t have

had to do, if you’d just followed my

original plan.


SHELDON (CONT'D)

(MORE)

It specifies gear, evenly spaced

between the four of us, so none of us

have to bare a large amount of weight.

LEONARD

Right. Except Howard and Raj didn’t

come with us this time.

SHELDON

Then it defaults to you.

LEONARD

How is that fair?

SHELDON

You need to build your upper body

strength. I saw your “People I Wish I

Were if I Wasn’t Leonard” List. With

your physic, Batman should be nowhere

near the top of your list.

LEONARD

Gee thanks.

SHELDON

Your welcome.

LEONARD

So Penny, what are you doing on

Saturday?

PENNY

I don’t have any plans but my

boyfriend tends to be spontaneous.

LEONARD

So, you are seeing that guy again.

What was his name...


SHELDON (CONT'D)

SHELDON

George, his name is George.

LEONARD

[ANNOYED] Thank you, Sheldon.

SHELDON

No problem.

LEONARD

[TO PENNY] So he’s spontaneous?

PENNY

Not that it’s any of your business,

but yes. He’s picking me up in a few

hours. Maybe.

LEONARD

It’s a little late isn’t it?

PENNY

Yes, well, he had to work late. But

more importantly, [TO SHELDON] what’re

you going to do about your Ogre

problem?

SHELDON

I suppose I’ll just have to go back

and try again.

LEONARD

Oh no, I’m not going back there.

Besides, the next LARP is on Saturday.

SHELDON

You’re going to make me go by myself?

PENNY

I’ll go with you.


SHELDON

Really?

LEONARD

You can’t!

PENNY (CONT’D)

And why not? I may not know sciency

stuff, but I can dress up. Kill some

ogres. Save the damsel in distress.

SHELDON

I appreciate the enthusiasm, but there

is no damsel in distress.

PENNY

Aww honey, you keep telling yourself

that.

LEONARD LAUGHS.

INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON’S APARTMENT - DAY [DAY 3][LEONARD]

LEONARD SITS ON THE COUCH, EXASPERATED. THERE IS A BLACK BOOK ON THE COFFEE TABLE. HE HOLDS A PHONE TO HIS EAR.

LEONARD

No? Alright, no that’s okay. [BEAT] No

I’m not going to start crying. [BEAT]

Okay, bye.

LEONARD HANGS UP. HE PICKS UP THE BLACK BOOK, DIALS A NUMBER, HOLDS THE PHONE TO HIS EAR.

LEONARD (CONT’D)

Hi, Marcy? This is Leonard. [PAUSE]

Leonard Hoffstaeder. [PAUSE] We went

to third grade together. Your brother

urinated on my glasses and stuffed me

in a garbage can.


(MORE)

You told me that the bits of banana

peel mixed with speghetti sauce and

saurcraut visually complimented my

sweater vest. [PAUSE, SMILES] I’m

doing well. Listen, I have this debate

on the fundamental aspects of String

Theory that I’m going to this Saturday

and I wanted to know if you’d be

interested in going with me? [PAUSE] A

new strain of antibiotic resistant e-

coli? [BEAT] Well that’s not

contagious. I’ll pick you up at-

[PAUSE] Projectile? Really? I’ll take

my chances. [PAUSE] Oh, you’re moving

to Antarctica? But they don’t offer

zoning for private residency in...

Hello? Hello?

LEONARD HANGS UP, PUTS THE PHONE DOWN.

LEONARD (CONT’D)

[UPBEAT] I’ll put that one in the

maybe pile.

INT. SHOP - DAY [DAY 4][WOLOWITZ, KOOTHERAPALLI, ANGELA]

WOLOWITZ ENTERS THE STORE. HE SEES ANGELA (31), HOT AND BLOND, BEHIND THE COUNTER - SHE WORKS HERE.

WOLOWITZ TAPS THE SHOULDER OF DAN (30).

WOLOWITZ

See that girl behind the counter?

She’s my girlfriend.


LEONARD (CONT’D)

DAN

Really? I haven’t seen you around here

before.

DAN LOOKS HIM UP AND DOWN, APPRAISING. HE LIKES WHAT HE SEES.

WOLOWITZ

We just started going out a few days

ago.

DAN

That’s great. So how long have you

been into leather?

DAN MOVES UNCOMFORTABLY CLOSE.

WOLOWITZ

Excuse me?

DAN

Leather bindings?

WOLOWITZ BACKS UP.

WOLOWITZ

Woah, woah, what are you talking

about?

DAN

Angela’s a dominatrix. Welcome to the

harem.

WOLOWITZ

Oh. Yeh. Great! Thanks! I knew that.

WOLOWITZ PUTS ON A FAKE SMILE AND GOES TO LEAVE. HE NOTICES KOOTHERAPALLI, DRESSED UP IN A SUIT. A MAN PASSES, KOOTHRAPALLI SMILES UNTIL THE MAN IS GONE. HE QUICKLY PULLS A FLASK FROM HIS JACKET POCKET, TAKES A DRINK AND THEN CONCEALS IT AGAIN.

WOLOWITZ GOES OVER TO HIM.


WOLOWITZ (CONT’D)

We gotta get out of here.

KOOTHRAPALLI

You’ve got to get out of here. This is

my date.

WOLOWITZ

No, dude. Angela’s a dominatrix.

[BEAT] She has a harem.

KOOTHRAPALLI

Really?

WOLOWITZ

Yes.

KOOTHRAPALLI

You’re making this up because you want

her for yourself.

WOLOWITZ

No way, ask her.

KOOTHRAPALLI

Fine then, I will.

WOLOWITZ

Subtle! Be subtle.

KOOTHERAPALLI AND WOLOWITZ GO TO THE COUNTER, WHERE ANGELA IS WIPING IT WITH A WASHCLOTH.

KOOTHRAPALLI

Hi Angela.

ANGELA

Hi Raj, Hi Howard.

WOLOWITZ

Hey.


KOOTHRAPALLI

Are you a dominatrix trying to get us

for your harem?

WOLOWITZ

Way to go on the subtly, genius.

KOOTHRAPALLI SMACKS HOWARD ON THE ARM.

ANGELA

Yes.

KOOTHRAPALLI

What? Really?

ANGELA

Yes.

KOOTHRAPALLI

Well we can’t.

ANGELA

What? Why not?

KOOTHRAPALLI

Cause, um, cause...

KOOTHRAPALLI LOOKS AT HOWARD FOR HELP, HOWARD SHRUGS.

ANGELA STARES AT THEM, EXPECTANT.

KOOTHRAPALLI (CONT’D)

We’re gay.

WOLOWITZ’S EYES GO WIDE AND KOOTHRAPALLI INSTANTLY REGRETS THE STATEMENT.

ANGELA

Oh really?

WOLOWITZ

Uh. Yes?

ANGELA LEANS BACK, FOLDS HER ARMS, ENJOYS WATCHING THEM SQUIRM.


ANGELA

Then kiss.

WOLOWITZ

What? Um. O-okay...

WOLOWITZ GESTURES FRANTICALLY AT KOOTHRAPALLI.

THEIR HEADS MOVE CLOSER.

CLOSER.

INCHES AWAY, WOLOWITZ’S PHONE GOES OFF. THEY BOTH JUMP BACK QUICK.

WOLOWITZ (CONT’D)

Oh, thank Jesus.

WOLOWITZ ANSWERS THE PHONE.

WOLOWITZ (CONT’D)

Howard Wolowitz speaking. [PAUSE] Slow

down, Leonard, calm. Breathe in,

breathe out. What’s going on? [PAUSE]

Oh my God. Sit tight, we’ll be right

there.

WOLOWITZ HANGS UP THE PHONE.

WOLOWITZ (CONT’D)

Sorry, we, uh...

HE GESTURES WILDLY BETWEEN HIMSELF, KOOTHRAPALLI AND THE PHONE.

WOLOWITZ (CONT’D)

Bye.

WOLOWITZ GRABS KOOTHRAPALLI BY THE ARM AND RUNS OUT THE DOOR.

EXT. FOREST - DAY [DAY 4][SHELDON, PENNY, GEORGE]

SHELDON THE ELF RANGER, PENNY THE ELF WARRIOR, WANDER THROUGH THE FOREST.


SHELDON

Thank you for coming, Queen Penelope.

Despite the fact that Leonard is male

and therefore the dominant one of the

species, as frightening as that may

seem, I think you’ll probably be more

useful in my Ogre-killing venture.

PENNY IS SLIGHTLY INSULTED.

PENNY

No problem, Shelly.

SHELDON

Please. Sheldor.

PENNY

Right.

A RUSTLE.

SHELDON

Shh, somebody’s close by.

FROM BEHIND THEM, A DEEP VOICE.

GEORGE (O.S.)

We meet again.

PENNY AND SHELDON TURN.

GEORGE (25), TALL AND HANDSOME IN HIS ORGE COSTUME, WIELDS A PAINTED FOAM BATTLE AXE AND A SMIRK.

GEORGE’S SMIRK DISSIPATES, AND HIS EYES WIDEN AS HE LOOKS AT PENNY.

PENNY

George?

GEORGE

Penny! Hi! Fancy meeting you here.


SHELDON

Penny, you know this barbarian?

PENNY

You’re the Ogre that’s been

terrorizing Sheldon?

GEORGE

But just look at him! He’s an elf! A

scrawny, prancing ninny. He’s asking

for it.

SHELDON

I did no such thing. [TO PENNY] I did

no such thing.

PENNY

[TO SHELDON] I believe you.

GEORGE

I can’t believe you’re taking his

side. I’m your boyfriend, Penny.

PENNY

Not anymore you aren’t.

GEORGE

What? No! You can’t break up with me!

PENNY

I just did. And by the way? This

small.

PENNY HOLDS HER THUMB AND INDEX FINGER TWO INCHES APART.

PENNY (CONT’D)

Let’s go, Sheldor.

GEORGE LUNGES AT HER WITH HIS BATTLE AXE.

SHELDON SQUEAKS IN FEAR.


PENNY DODGES THE BATTLE AXE, GRABS GEORGE BY THE ARM AND KNOCKS HIM TO THE GROUND.

SHELDON STARES, WIDE-EYED.

PENNY (CONT’D)

Not bad for a hometown girl.

SHELDON

That was amazing.

PENNY

That’s how you deal with bullies.

INT. LEONARD AND SHELDON’S APARTMENT - NIGHT[LEONARD, SHELDON, WOLOWITZ, KOOTHRAPALLI]

LEONARD, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHRAPALLI SIT IN THEIR RESPECTIVE PLACES.

WOLOWITZ

Oh come on Leonard, you’ll look back

at this and laugh.

LEONARD

No I won’t.

WOLOWITZ

Then I’ll look back and laugh for you.

WOLOWITZ LAUGHS.

LEONARD IS NOT IMPRESSED.

SHELDON ENTERS, TRIUMPHANT.

LEONARD

[BITTERLY] You look awfully pleased

with yourself.

SHELDON

That’s because I am. The Ogre has been

slain and the hero has returned

triumphant.


WOLOWITZ

Penny defeated the Ogre, didn’t she?

SHELDON

Yes, but I was there. So technically

I’d still get the experience points.

WOLOWITZ

According to who?

SHELDON

According to Diablo Two.

WOLOWITZ

He’s got me there.

SHELDON

How was your night?

WOLOWITZ

Eventful. Right Leonard?

LEONARD

I don’t want to talk about it.

SHELDON

Technically, by saying that you don’t

want to talk about it, you are, in

fact, talking about it. Whatever the

‘it’ is.

KOOTHRAPALLI

Leonard got arrested.

SHELDON

[TO LEONARD] Did you get drunk and hit

on Edward Witton?

LEONARD

No. I didn’t go to the debate at all.


KOOTHRAPALLI

He made a bet with Kripke that he’d

get a date hotter than Susan Flint.

SHELDON

From the Geology department?

KOOTHRAPALLI

Yes.

SHELDON

[TO LEONARD] Did you try asking Alice

Cohen from Radiology? That’s pretty

hot. Hotter than Geology.

LEONARD

No, Sheldon.

SHELDON

But what does a bet with Kripke have

to do with you being arrested?

WOLOWITZ

[GLEE] He hired a prostitute.

LEONARD

She wasn’t a prostitute. [BEAT] She

was an undercover cop. Raj and Howard

had to come bail me out of jail.

KOOTHRAPALLI

[TO LEONARD] You owe us for that too,

man.

SHELDON

I don’t suggest asking for any sort of

food type or pastry.


(MORE)

I know first hand, he’s not very

reliable on that front.

WOLOWITZ

[TO LEONARD] How about a date?


SHELDON (CONT'D)

TAG

INT. CALTECH LUNCHROOM - DAY

LEONARD, WOLOWITZ AND KOOTHERAPALLI SIT AT A TABLE. LEONARD HAS A SMALL WHITE BOX IN FRONT OF HIM.

SHELDON COMES UP TO THEM, GIVES LEONARD A POINTED LOOK.

LEONARD RAISES THE WHITE BOX TO SHELDON.

SHELDON SMILES, VICTORIOUS, AND SITS. HE OPENS THE WHITE BOX AND PULLS OUT A SUGAR COOKIE.

SHELDON NOTICES WOLOWITZ’S PUZZLED LOOK.

SHELDON

Snickerdoodle.

END EPISODE


the big bang theory spec - the ogre-glashow conspiracy

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