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The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyBoundaries Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy How do You Define Boundaries? How do you react to someone who wants your time, love, energy, or money? Where Do You Struggle the Most in this Area?Ponderings:
I. What Are Boundaries? A. FencesThe Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy
I. What Are Boundaries?The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyB. Responsibility/Ownership My Feelings My Attitudes & Beliefs My Behaviors My Choices My Values My Limits My Talents My Thoughts My Desires My Love
I. What Are Boundaries?The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyC. Self-Control- Influencing Control over What I am Responsible ForOwnership and Freedom In the simplest sense, a boundary is a property line. It denotes the beginning and the end of something. In the physical world, boundaries are often easy to see fences, walls, signs, hedges, or sometimes only a slightly different appearance of the lawn. All this signs indicate the borderline of someones property. Within these boundaries, the owner is fully responsible for the property, while others are not.
Boundaries are the personal property lines which define who we are, what we are responsible for, and where we have limits and limitations. Having clear boundaries is essential for a healthy, balanced lifestyle as well as for spiritual growth and for our ability to give and receive love. Yet many Christians lack boundaries because they fear being selfish and unloving.The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy
In Contrast What a boundary is not?an excuse for doing what they want or for not helping othersas limits they set on other peopleas walls for avoiding close relationships between them and othersas their private zone from where they want to exclude everyone else, as a means for fixing or changing their spouse, children, and others,as an ultimatum, a means to control others through un-proportional consequencesas a punishment for misbehavior
People who understand boundaries in this way, use the expression setting boundaries just as an excuse for selfishness and an unwillingness to submit to God or anybody else. But that is not what boundaries are. In fact, the meaning of the term boundaries has been twisted by the world so much that Christians have become afraid of using it just because they dont know the original meaning of the word anymore. It is the same with the word love, which often is confused with selfish desire or lust, or at least with sentimentality. The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy
II. What Is The Purpose of Boundaries?The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyA. A. Benefits of Boundaries1. Protection of Self/Self-CarePhil. 2:4- Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.2. Growth- Making Spiritual Growth Possible3. Self-Care So that We Can Care4. Relationship Building Safety
How Healthy Boundaries Build Relationships
B. Problems with Poor BoundariesThe Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy Burnout of Self - Soul Relationship Destruction- by avoiding and hurting true relationship (which breeds anger) Stunted Growth- in Self & Others Control of Others
The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazySigns of Ignored Boundaries Enmeshment Disassociation Excessive Detachment Victimhood or Martyrdom Chip on the Shoulder Invisibility Cold & Distant Smothering Lack of Privacy
III. The Biblical Basis for BoundariesThe Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyA. Genesis: A Mandate with Responsibility(Genesis 1:28) Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moves upon the earth. God gave us responsibility for certain tasks. And part of this responsibility is knowing what is our job, and what is not.
B. Galatians 6:2-5The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyBoulders Vs. BackpacksBoulder (Baros) = an extraordinary heavy weight- and unusually severe burden- a weight that will destroy me is I dont get help
The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyBackpack (phortion) = A daily pack- a normal ships cargo- can readily carry by myself- wont destroy me
C. Character of GodMade in His Image 3 distinct persons The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyCreated in the Image of God
God defines himself as distinct being, separate from his creation and from us. He clearly sayswhat he is and what he is not. For instance, God is love (1. John 4:16) and not darkness (1. John 1:6). He cannot tolerate sin but invites people, who love him, into his kingdom.
D. The Role Model of Jesus He Took Care of HimselfThe Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy1. Luke 2:49 Didnt you know I would be in my Fathers House?2. Luke 5:15-16 Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
3. John 10:10 I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full.4. Mark 1:35-39 The next morning Jesus awoke long before daybreak and went out alone into the wilderness to pray. Later Simon and the others went out to find him. They said, "Everyone is asking for you." But he replied, "We must go on to other towns as well, and I will preach to them, too, because that is why I came." So he traveled throughout the region of Galilee, preaching in the synagogues and expelling demons from many people.The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy
IV. How To Love Your Neighbor Without Making yourself CrazyThe Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself CrazyA. Get Clear Boundaries for Yourself- Take Care of YourselfB. Stop Confusing Enmeshment, Care-taking, or Control as Loving or Saying No as Mean or UnlovingC. Live With Limits- and Enforce those on OthersD. Speak the Truth- It Always Clears Up BoundariesE. Be Active- Not PassiveF. Allow Reaping What is Sown- Enforce Consequences for Behaviors and Allow Them to Discipline OthersG. Respect- learn to respect others' boundaries and freedom.
1. Can you set limits and still be a loving person?2. How can you set limits without being selfish?3. What if somebody is upset or hurt by your boundaries?4. Why do some (or you) feel guilty or afraid when you consider setting boundaries?5. How are (your) boundaries preventing your growth or anothers? 6. Where do your boundaries need establishing, mending or reinforcing? The Bible & Relationships: How To Love My Neighbor Without Making Myself Crazy
I overwhelm strangers and first-time acquaintances with intimate details of my life.
I address the needs of others but don't regularly allow them to disrupt or interrupt the effective management of my life
I don't let myself think of others' needs, even if I'm interested in them. I've got enough pain.
I find myself regularly overwhelmed at continually trying to meet others' needs even though my needs go unmet
Since relationships are based on respect, trust and communication, I let these develop before committing to love.
I don't let myself love anyone. It's safer to keep them at a distance. After all, you never know who might hurt you. Besides, what do they want from me anyway?
I don't know what is really true so I let others decide for me what is real.
I trust my perceptions and my abilities to determine what is real and how to react. I can also test other people's reality to see if it'strue.
I can't listen to others or be influenced by them. Not only can I not trust them, but I can hardly maintain my facade of having it all together which I use to cover up reality.
I let others determine what's important for me. After all, I don't want to be rejected.
I make decisions for myself based on my values and God's will for me.
I can't make decisions. Even the simplest ones are hard. I don't want to make a mistake
I can't take responsibility for myself or follow through. So I depend on others to take care of me.
I take responsibilities for my decisions. If I fail, find out what I did wrong, I ask for forgiveness, the learn what I need to do differently.
I feel excessively guilty when things aren't absolutely perfect.If I can't handle the guilt, I blame others for my failures.
I'll sacrifice anything in order to avoid abandonment, isolation and rejection
Though I am approachable, my biblically-based values are not negotiable. If people reject my for my values, I'm willing to pay that price.
I'll never do anything for anybody just to please them. People are such a bother and are always messing with my life.