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WOW!! Jock’s new toy.

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The Beavertown

News September 2020

Marlborough Branch, Ulysses Club

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BRANCH COORDINATOR Kelvin Watson Ph. 577 6822143B Maxwell Road, Blenheim 7201marlborough@ulysses.org.nz

VICE COORDINATOR Tim Wills Ph. 579 2363

SECRETARY Melissa Wills Ph. 579 236394 Howick Road, Blenheim 7201marlborough.sec@ulysses.org.nz

TREASURER Allan de Reeper Ph. 579 1173

COMMITTEE MEMBERS Jock Woodley Ph. 573 9139John Sinclair Ph. 578 7110Carol Spaulding Ph. 021 872 443Louise Pearce Ph. 027 4489290

RIDES COORDINATOR (Sunday rides)Position Vacant

CLUB NIGHT ORGANISER Tim Wills Ph. 579 2363

WELFARE OFFICER Chris Donaldson Ph. 027 8533670donaldsons@gmail.com

RETREADS RIDES (Thursday rides)John Sinclair Ph. 578 7110 Grant Johnson Ph. 578 0901

BRANCH SHERIFF Jock Woodley Ph. 573 9139jockow@xtra.co.nz

BRANCH QUARTERMASTER (Ulysses gear orders)Evan Teale Ph. 03 972 0481

COMMUNITY NOTICES ORGANISER Evan Teale Ph. 03 972 0481

WEBMASTER Bob Marks Ph. 574 1177marksie7@gmail.com

NEWSLETTER EDITOR Louise Pearce Ph. 0274 489 290louisepearce008@gmail.com161 Taylor Pass Road, Witherlea

The teacher must have had some good chuckles.1.This is a picture of an Octopus. It has 8 testicles.Kelly aged 6.2.If you are surrounded by ocean you are an island. If you dont have ocean all around you, you are incontinent.  Mike aged 7.3.Sharks are ugly and mean and have big teeth just like Emily Richardson.  she’s not my friend anymore. Kylie aged 6.4. My uncle goes out in his boat with two other men and a woman and pots, and comes back with the crabs.  Millie aged 6.5 When ships had sails they used the trade winds to cross the oceans. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.   My brother said that they would be much better off eating beans. William aged 7.6. Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids . They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails. But how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?  Like, really. Helen 67. I am not going to write about the ocean.  My baby brother is always crying.  My dad keeps yelling at my mom.  My big sister has just got pregnant.  So I can’t    think. Amy aged 6.8. Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can live under the sea where I think they can plug themselves into chargers. Christopher aged 7.9. When you go swimming in the ocean , it is very cold, and it makes my willie small. Kevin aged 6.10.The ocean is made up of water and fish.  Why the fish don’t drown.  I don’t know.  Bobby aged 611.  My dad was a sailor on the ocean.  He knows all about the ocean.  What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.  James age 6.

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Retreads to Ward 13.8.2020

After being foiled by Covid and telling Ali that he could not feed us Birthday cake, we hit on a cunning plan to travel to Havelock and round the Queen Charlotte Sounds road to Picton and Blenheim. That way we would get a good ride and avoid not complying with the Level 2 requirements. Those who were keen were there at Burleigh at 11.00am. Kelvin Watson ,as always supportive and level  headed. ( He rides a Cann Am to keep level headed). Bob McCrindle was almost early at 10.50am. Just goes to show what can occur if your bike starts easily with a new battery.  Alan Graham and Garry Tyson cruised in. Mal Honour and Ian Wilson represented the olde and the new ends of the motorcycle spectrum. (Aprilia V4 and GSX 1100 square light)  Ian says it is a lump, but to this old fellow it looks the business!  A new Retread, Malcolm Taylor on a V Strom 1000 (and it is not his first, John).  Bob Moss on his GS 650.  I  imagine it would be great for the "Queen Charlotte", but I was a bit sad not to see the 1300 Rocket Ship. Peter Beckett on his "Wasser Bandit". Evan Teal on the Honda 250 RS.  Last but not least Dave Jacksonon the "100"( I think it was a Suzuki but it was hard to see it because Bob Moss casts a fair shaddow)!We slowed for Havelock, and then were very, very careful to travel at the gazetted speeds through the Sounds.We had PERFECT weather and absolutely minimal traffic, almost no gravel, and very few wet patches all the way to Momarangi.   We had a short stop and head count before Mal and Ian headed back to Ian's place. On to Picton and several went home to Blenheim, but some sat outside the Oxley's in the sun, 2 metres apart. The draw card for the change of usual venue was the 400gm steak eggs and chips for 20 bucks.  Bob was a good boy, but the rest struggled through the special.  It was such a pile of protein that I would not be surprised if Evan Teal had to put more air in his tyres for the trip home to Blenheim.  We repaired home after an excellent day riding and chewing the fat.   Sawbones 

PS  sorry about the photo showing the Aprilia and the GSX and not much else but I'd have one of each in a flash!

Grant J #4004

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C00rdinator’s word

Just when I thought spring had arrived we’re back with more frost! Never mind we usually get a great Marlborough motorbiking day to follow. Thank you once again to Louise for taking over the editing job for our magazine. The August issue was much appreciated by the members, although it wasn’t plain sailing as our printing company ‘s printer is out of action at the moment, hopefully back up and running before too long. The Ten Pin Bowling club night back in August was thoroughly entertaining—who knew that Melissa was such a whizz at bowling! Everyone who went that night enjoyed both the bowling and the dinner afterwards at the Grove Tavern. They serve huge meals - I nearly couldn’t eat it all! Thanks to Tim & Melissa for organising this event. The Marlborough Harrier Clubs Queen Charlotte Relay has been cancelled this year due to Covid 19 restrictions. That was a small fund- raising event for our branch. With summer approaching, and beginning on the 18th October we are going to start the Sunday longer lunch rides at 10am. Sunday 1pm rides will remain the same. For those that go on these rides I hope you don’t mind deciding amongst yourselves where you choose to ride to, depending on the weather on the day. We currently don’t have a “rides co-ordinator”, and with such a small committee it isn’t always possible to have a committee member present The South Island Memorial Service for Ulysses is being held at Kaikoura Top10 on Saturday 26th September. Anyone riding down who want to go as a group ride can meet south of Blenheim on SH1 opposite Pernod Ricard (Ex Montana Winery) ready for a 10am departure. Further down the track is our double overnighter at Pohara in the Golden Bay area. This is Marlborough Anniversary weekend 31st Oct. to 2nd Nov. Pohara Top10 is where most of us stay. Give them a ring on the freephone 0800 764 272 to book yourselves a bed. I know quite a few are booked already. I would like to welcome a couple of prospective members, Phillip Robertson & Neil Dixon who joined one of our Thursday rides recently. Some of our members will remember Phil when he worked here in Blenheim some years ago. I also know of another couple who are going to try a Thursday ride soon too, to see what it’s like. They have only been living in Blenheim for a fortnight! I know I emailed you all recently about the Zero Tolerance for exceeding the posted speed on our roads. As I said I don’t make the rules, but I like to warn you if you choose to go over the limit & get caught, there is only one person to blame.

“Till Next Month Ride Safe” Kelvin #3602.

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September Birthdays Allan Beck Murray Brooks Noel Duff Malcolm Honour Peter Nelson Stuart Paul John Welsh Tony Williams

You are a pain to ride with. Circumstances are changing regarding your motorcycling adventures goals, Virgo. You may have been thinking about a change for a long time, namely parking on Bus Stops and pleading Dementia. There is now clearly outer changes to your appearance brought on by excessive K.F.C. and the odd McDonalds. Act your age. You've been changing inside, too. Your lack of a balance diet has brought on a severe case of flatulence. You drink too much coffee before a ride and demand a piss stop at every town. Virgo riders are no fun. They're squeaky clean, too pure, and very picky. Always breaking hard for amber traffic lights. Never speed. Some have been recorded exceeding 85 kph on a drag strip. They never cross broken yellow lines.

If you park in a Disability Space, Virgos stare at you with those penetrating eyes. Then they pretend to be your friend and help you move your bike. Don't trust a Virgo for a minute! Virgos love hiding in your closet colour-coordinate your biker clothes. Even cloth moths are known to avoid their closet if they detect a Virgo is present.

No Virgo in history has ever ridden straight after a few beers and can’t pass wind while riding. Virgos clean every square inch of their Harley, twice daily with a toothbrush. Virgos have been found on the Garage Floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for dirt that may have fallen from your bike as you were visiting. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos can’t read. They use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. Virgos cause a lot of bar fights and vehicle suicides. You can ‘t ride for shit because the Chrome might get smudged. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the garage door, attempting to trick the light to stay inside.

When you are questioned about your slow speed on a Motorway the police usually let you go because they have girlfriends who are Virgos. They sympathize. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell, for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer.

Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Oil on the bike chrome makes Virgos foam at the mouth. On the Balance Sheet Virgos are cool because they will clean your bike for you even when naked. How long can Virgos hold a grudge? At least a couple of months!

Virgo Aug 21 - Sep 20

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Retreads to the Jolly Roger 27.08.20

Today starts off cloudy, then it clears with a warm sun shining at departure time. But it’s going to change.

The 22 strong Mob includes Murray Brooks, Lindsay Learmonth, Bob Moss, Wally Allen, John Hadfield, Don Best, Pete Beckett, Gary Tyson, Kelvin Watson, Joan Robinson (Joan of Ark) Terry Molony, Pete Nelson, Arend Wansink, Louise Pearce, John Neal, Dave Jackson, Ali Windleburn, Grant Johnson, Allan Graham, Bob McCrindle, Alan Beck and me.

We are late leaving Brayshaw Park while we wait for Bob McCrindle to arrive. Seems we have NZ Standard Time, NZ Daylight Saving Time and Bob time – predictably a bit behind the others. Kelvin’s got Joan as a pillion as she cadges a ride to Picton to pick up her beloved Triumph that Pete Pinion has been modifying for her. She assures all she has Julia’s permission.

We sit outside in glorious sunshine – initially. The meals arrive quickly and are devoured as a few clouds obscure the sun. Ali starts devotions and all is well until he tells the following one:

An Anglican Minister says to the congregation that he is going to call out a word and they are to sing a hymn that uses said word.

“Cross” He calls out and the congregation breaks into “The Old Rugged Cross.”

“Art” he calls and they beak into “How Great Thou Art.”

“Abide” he calls and they break into “Abide with me.”

“Sex” he calls…………………And there is dead silence. The silence continues for embarrassing minutes until finally and 87 year old lady at the back stands up and with a quavering voice breaks into “Memories.”

At this very point in devotions the wind changes to the south with a squall that sends the paper napkins flying and us grabbing for our coats as the temperature quickly drops and a few spots of rain signal the major event, we think.

The Rev John Neal has a complacent smile on his dial!

After another hilarious session we head home towards a black sky but we stay dry.

JG # 9272

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MARLBOROUGH BRANCH Ulysses Club of NZ Inc.

KAITUNA RIDGES " BACK to BASICS RALLY" HAVELOCK

By kind permission of the farm owners Paul & Muff Newton.

DATE ; Friday to Sunday 26-28 February 2021, rally opens Friday 3pm, closes Sun 2pm( All participants MUST register, see registration form below ) DIRECTIONS ; End of Readers Road approx 3 km south of Havelock. RALLY MARSHAL; Kelvin Watson

ACCOMODATION ; Limited floor space in woolshed, first in—best pozzie, need to bring air bed, sleeping bag. Motor homes, tents, caravans or tin tops are welcome. TENT SITES ; lovely sites available near Kaituna river or closer to woolshed, your choice. COSTS ; $35 per person which includes Saturday night dinner. Tea and Coffee available free all weekend. BYO food for Friday night and breakfasts, BBQ available free to use or can hop in to Havelock. DRINKS ; BYO, no rubbish to be left on site please. PLEASE NOTE; if you’re registered for the Saturday evening dinner, please BRING YOUR OWN CUTLERY AND PLATES. MEMBERS can also just join us for the Saturday, stay for dinner then head back Blenheim later in the evening.

GENERAL ; Friday night meet & greet, socialising. Saturday morning do your own thing, - Fun and games on Saturday afternoon. Saturday night dinner, music, raffles, and socialising in the woolshed—This is a great opportunity for older & newer members to mix and enjoy the way it used to be, back to basics at an affordable cost. Limited numbers so PLEASE REGISTER EARLY. Don’t miss out! REGISTRATION ; Closing date for registration is 20 FEBRUARY 2021. No late entries accepted. PLEASE NOTE; Numbers are limited, registrations will close earlier if maximum number is reached before 20 Feb.

-----------------------------------------------------//-------------------------------------------- REGISTRATION FORM ( must be completed by all participants)

NAME......................................................................... Ulysses No;...........................

PILLION/PARTNER:......................................................................

E/MAIL ADDRESS; ...................................................... PHONE No;................................

NUMBER ATTENDING? X $ 35each =. $ Cheque enclosed? OR direct credit to bank account?; 03-0599-0311074-00. - Please use your surname and ‘B2B21’ as the code and reference.

Post or scan and email this form to Ulysses Marlborough Branch c/o Kelvin Watson, 143B Maxwell Road, Blenheim 7201. Email; Marlborough@ulysses.org.nz

Registration closes Saturday 20 February 2021, no late entries accepted.

INDEMNITY : I agree to hold the organisers and farm owners blameless for any injury or accidental damage incurred by me while attending or travelling to and from this event.

SIGNED. ..................................................

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Safety Corner # 7

Overtaking

There are a lot of accidents happen when overtaking. The golden rule is ALL OVERTAKES MUST BE SAFE. NEVER BREAK THIS RULE. When you have caught up to a slower vehicle a common mistake is to sit on his right hand back corner and await a passing opportunity. You should stay behind him at the usual 2 – 3 second gap awaiting an opportunity (the following position) When one starts to unfold, then you can move into the overtaking position. It is a good idea to have a look down the left-hand side of the vehicle first to make sure that it isn’t going to swerve out to go around a cyclist or tractor. (One of the benefits of riding a motorcycle).

If you can see the opportunity coming for a while then sit back and aim to catch up the vehicle in front as the way becomes clear. This means that you do not need to accelerate hard and you get by a lot quicker but with less speed. If the road ahead is not straight and you are unsure, look, indicate then, without accelerating cross over to the right side and have a look but be prepared to signal and come back if there is oncoming traffic. (You don’t have this option if you’ve started a hard acceleration overtake).

If the overtake is not on, you should move back to the following position – 2-3 seconds back.

Another common mistake is to sit well back and then overtake, accelerating hard from the following position. This puts the rider at a very high speed as the overtake progresses. A symptom of this is having to brake hard to get back into the line of traffic.

Another common mistake is following close behind a truck while you are riding in position 3, ie the centre of your lane. You will not out brake the truck if he has to stop suddenly. But the other factor is that from that position you cannot read the road ahead so you will miss passing opportunities. Sit back where you can see and you’ll make much swifter progress.

And on the subject of big trucks, NEVER pass one that is going around or approaching a left-hand corner because as soon as you pull out, the truck obscures your view around the corner so you won’t see oncoming traffic until it’s way too late.

It is vital that you look for intersections both to the left and to the right before overtaking, and never overtake approaching an intersection. Many accidents occur because riders ignore this rule.

If there is a line of vehicles to be overtaken, then each vehicle should be assessed in turn, but not necessarily overtaken individually. Bear in mind that any one of them could move out without warning.

A common mistake is to blindly follow the bike in front through an overtake – this caused a fatal in the Collins Valley recently!!

Agricultural vehicles should be overtaken with care. Their stop lights and indicators may be very weak and covered in mud, and they have limited visibility to the rear. Before overtaking, you should check right and left for any farmyard entrances or gates into which the vehicle may turn.

If you decide the overtake is on, be in the right gear to stay in throughout the maneouvre, make a shoulder check to ensure there’s no traffic in your blind spot, then get on with it but keep planning where you are going to lose your speed to get back into line if needed. A common mistake is pulling in too close to the vehicle you have just overtaken. Show courtesy and use your indicators. If you are using your mirrors correctly prior to the overtake, a look behind is usually unnecessary. A look behind is only safe when the vehicle in front is two seconds or more away.

Overtaking quotes:

• Should I stay, or should I go?

• Always consider making use of the overtaking position

• Keep the following distance elastic

• If it’s on – go, if not – drop back

• Go at the earliest safe opportunity

• Overtaking is a moving hazard

• More paint = more restraint

• Never at the approach to an intersection

• Never follow another motorcycle through an overtake

• If in doubt – don’t

John (JG) Sinclair

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Marlborough Ulysses Branch Committee Meeting. Meeting: 1st September. A & P Park. Blenheim.

Meeting start: 6.58pm. Attendees: Kelvin Watson, Melissa Wills, Allan deReeper, Louise Pearce, Carol Spaulding, Tim Wills, Jock Woodley.

Apologies: John Sinclair Tim/Jock

Minutes of previous meeting: True & Correct Jock/Louise Matters arising: Jock complimented Louise on her first Newsletter.

Inwards correspondence: Agenda items for Sept Natcom meeting-Suzie, Nth Harbour/Marl newsletters, Spare Ambulance run badges-Suzie, Zero tolerance exceeding speed limit-Kelvin, Marl Motorcycles advertising-Cathy, Apology Sept Meeting-John, Cancelled Queen Charlotte relay-Les McKay, White Ribbon Aug Newsletter, Microsoft service agreement update, Covid 19 update from MNZ-Jock, Updated members Subscription list-Kelvin, Lunch/birthday celebration cancelled due to Covid-Kelvin, Covid warning level 2-Kelvin, Mailing list for branch magazine-Kelvin, Left over drinks Nat rally-Kelvin, Motorcycle awareness month October- Suzie, Branch reports for the Ulyssian- Tim Stewart, New Treasurer Allan DeReeper- Kelvin, Instructions for Magazine editor-Kelvin, Motion to add to the minutes-Kelvin, Sun 9th August ride-Kelvin, Fatal Motorcycle crash SH6-Kelvin.

Outwards correspondence: Allan DeReeper-Monthly invoices, Cathy- Marlborough Motorcycles.

Treasurers Report & Accounts for Payment: Allan discussed our bank account details inwards/outwards funds. No accounts for payment. Allan moved a motion to close the AGM account and transfer the funds to our club bank account/Carol

Allan needs a list from Evan on stock sold to keep a good record of our account, he would like Evan to give him an invoice when gear has been sold and for Evan to give him the money so he can deposit it into our bank account.

General Business:

Branch magazine advertising: Kelvin would like Allan to generate some invoices for the businesses advertising in our magazine and Allan will send them out. Louise is to email Allan when businesses have agreed to advertise in our magazine. Jock said contact him or Louise if there are any questions. Carol said Louise is getting a lot of advertising going to her personal email and should use our club email which is UlyssesMarlborough@gmail.com and we can use this for advertising/articles. Louise will add all advertisers in next newsletter, Jock has contacted all of them.

Sunday rides start time over summer: Kelvin discussed rides calendar, RIC on day. For October we will start the longer rides 10am and shorter rides 1pm.

Club night: Bamboo Gardens 19th Sept 24 people so far.

Marlborough road safety: Bearings/Brakes/BBQS 4th October Club will do BBQ Kelvin emailed Robyn if it was going ahead, she will let us know 6th Sept.

Club night: 10th October Yard bar 6pm, let Tim know numbers

Louise needs articles for newsletter by the 6th September please Thur/Sun ride reports etc. Kelvin said put Copy Centre advertisement on last page of newsletter.

Carol discussed labels/changes and Ex spreadsheet. Carol will input the data for our magazine and we will send our advertisers an online copy of our magazine. Jock discussed total hold on MNZ they have issued a number of permits, gatherings are still an issue (race meetings). He showed us a picture of his race trailer.

Meeting Closed:7.44pm Next Meeting will be at 7-00pm on 1st October.

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Retreads to Ward, 30.07.20

Today we’re off to one of our favourites, the Flaxbourne Tearooms. We haven’t been here for five months because lockdown and their refurbishment got in the road. The day is brilliant and feels just like the first day of spring. The riders are reminded that this is the weather Marlborough receives strong NW winds and today is no exception; although still calm in town it’s 50 kph at Cape Campbell already. This wind is Marlborough’s best kept secret of course.

At Brayshaw Park, John Hadfield’s new Red Indian is again under scrutiny. It is a very pretty bike, and immaculate, but nobody admits this to John. Instead he has to suffer comments like, “Why didn’t you clean it?” Then Sawbones announces that henceforth John will be known as ‘Big Chief Leaking Water’ in recognition of the radiator episode of a couple of weeks ago.

Heading south are 22 of us including Joan Robinson, Bob Moss, Bruce Morton, John Hadfield, Allan Beck, Wally Allen, Terry Molony, Kelvin Watson, Louise Pearce, Allan Wootton, Pete Nelson, Grant Johnson, Allan Graham, Arend Wansink, Gary Tyson, Ali Windleburn, Tony Williams, Bob McCrindle, Murray Brooks, Lindsay Learmonth, Danny McGowan and me.

By the look of the smiles, everyone enjoyed the ride down. 16°C and a tailwind. Perfect and a big change from the hard frosts earlier this week. There’s lambs in the fields but very little grass in places as this area is still dry. Traffic is surprisingly heavy today and progress would be slow were it not for the overtaking capabilities of our two wheeled friends.

I think we are the first customers after the café shutdown and we are made hugely welcome. There’s no complaints about the food either. Sawbones polishes off a massive All Day Breakfast then disappears, returning with another coffee and a slab of carrot cake that is a meal in itself. But that’s no trouble to the Doc. Carrots are healthy after all.

Ali’s devotions are again hilarious. Funny too, are the two lady customers who come outside to use the toilet. Nearby, Ali is performing and we are all gathered around. The two have to negotiate our throng. Although they heard nothing of an offensive nature, I’m sure the second one was sure she was going to, so she hopped into the single-seater dunny while her friend was still inside - and managed to get the door shut!

We sit talking for ages and Bob M has to suffer several rounds of cheering in his honour. He hasn’t quite agreed to be the new treasurer yet but how can he possibly ignore so much support from the members.

We split for ice creams at Seddon and home while JG heads further south just because he can.

Come and join us if you need some fun.

JG # 9272

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Today it is forecast to rain in the west then here later so we’re taking a short ride to where it should be dry. We’re off to the Cosy Corner at Seddon. It is warm for August and the sun is shining but it is black looking west.

The 17 strong Mob includes Murray Brooks, Lindsay Learmonth, Bob Moss, Graham Check, Don Best, Kelvin Watson, John Hadfield, Tony Williams, Ali Windleburn, Terry Molony, Allen Wotton, Allan Beck, Wally Allen, Grant Johnson, Pete Nelson, Bob McCrindle (must be 1100!) and me.

John H suffers some more derisive remarks about his new Red Indian. It now sports some very small leather saddle bags. JG tells him they’ll be a great place to carry his chewing gum – and bugger all else! He announces that he paid $65 for them. Kelvin asks “each?” No. So Bob Moss says incredulously, “$60 how much???” A good thing John H doesn’t get the sulks.

Ali announces he’s 82 next week and will be bringing cake. Damn!! I’ll be in the North Island and will miss the shout. But then we are reminded that there’s two more 80ths coming up in the spring so I’m hopeful.

We safely negotiate the disgusting road to Seddon. Patch repairs, uneven joins and corrugations make a laughing stock of our roading contractors. As a Tui advert would say, “Safety first? Yeah right!”

The service is fast and we all muck in. As usual sawbones has a man-sized meal. The photo shows that the café knows him and has found a way to put sides on his plate using sausages. Over lunch there is discussion on bikes, bike maintenance and even some wistful discussion on sex.

Ali leads devotions again and we have a hilarious session with the dining room doors carefully shut by Murray. (Good move that). But here’s one that is printable.

An old lady offers the bus driver some peanuts. So the bus driver happily munches them up. Every five minutes she gives him another handful of peanuts. The bus driver says, “Why don’t you eat them yourself?” The old lady says, “I can’t chew. Look I have no teeth.” “Then why do you buy them” the driver says. She replies, “Oh I just love sucking the chocolate off them.”

Then JG tells one:

Adam who lived in the north of England, decided to go camping in Scotland with his buddy, Chris. So they loaded up Adam's car and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if she had anywhere they could spend the night to weather out the storm.“I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge farm house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,” she explained, “And I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.”“Don't worry,” Adam said. “We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great camping trip.

However, about nine months later, Adam got an unexpected letter from a solicitor.It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the solicitor of that attractive widow he had met whilst heading out to that camping trip. He dropped in on his friend Chris and asked, "Chris, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our camping trip in Scotland about 9 months ago?"“Yes, I do,” said Chris. “Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?” “Well, um, yes!,” Chris said, a little embarrassed about being found out, “I have to admit that I did.” “And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?” Chris's face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?” “She just died and left me

everything‼ ”

JG # 9272

Retreads to Seddon, 6th August 2020

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The Thursday dawned fine but frosty. We gathered at 11.00am as usual with the weather still "cool". I anxiously took the role of those present,with a bit of help by those that know me!   Alan  Wotton  (like cotton) rolled in  just behind me so I enjoyed watching  the Africa Twin in my mirrors.      Also looking keen to ride were Don Best,  Gary  Tyson,  Alan Beck,  Bob Moss on a 1300cc   BMW ,  "Pony Express Hadfield" on his Indian,  Louise Pearce and Joan Robinson  raised the dress standard, Kevin Watson, Peter Nelson,  Bob McCrindle  and our quality high flyer Alan Graham, Evan  Teal, Derrick  Stipling  and last but not least Garry  Tyson on  the Boulevard.   But wait-- there was Dave Jackson who thought he was late and nearly went home! He saw Bob McCrindle setting off early and assumed he had missed the briefing! It was a very brief  briefing,but he had not missed it. He was so happy. We were blessed with a couple of new "prospects". Phil Robertson who used to live in Blenheim as a Police Officer,and is back from Te Anau ,and his mate Neil Dixon( sorry to say that as yet I have no information on why he is clever enough to want to ride with us.  I promise to investigate further). Phil rides a Honda 450 twin ( the direct descendant of the the famous Black  Bomber, that alerted the Poms to the fact that Japan had arrived).  Neil has a Triumph 1200.(With serious mumbo)  We set off for Ward and the wind, traffic, and road surface were all kind.  Kelvin Watson ran as sweeper as Graham  Check was not available. On arrival I spied Wayne Brock's immaculate BMW R 100RS. It looked even better when a contrasting dirty GS parked behind it! Inside were Doug Jackson, Lindsay Learmonth, Wayne Brock, and Murray Brooks,and that man  Bob  McCrindle who had made good time and got his order in before me.  The food was good and the company excellent , but we all missed Ali and his devotions,  I did think that it may have been fortuitous the the two new riders did not see and hear, on their introduction, how disgraceful  we could be!   I tried to take a photo of Pony Express Hadfield   leaving but my shutter speed was too slow!  I'll try and get a photo next week of stationary bodies.We made our way home in the afternoon sun. I followed Phil and Neil  back and watched with pleasure at their excellent skills as we negotiated the Weld Pass.  It was a well spent day scrubbing in my new TKC 70s.   Regards Sawbones

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Retreads to Ward, 3.9.2020

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Down the road Every Saturday morning 1000 is coffee morning at Runway Café. 

Sun 13th Sept. 1pm. Social Ride, DOD.19th September 2020  BAMBOO GARDEN Feast Just $39 and its BYO  – Bookings essential for this popular event.   Names to JGSun 20th Sept. 11am. Lunch Ride, DOD.26 September 2020; Annual South Island Remembrance Service at Kaikoura. see notice on our Branch website.  Sun 27th Sept. 1pm. Social Ride, DOD.Sun 4th Oct. 11am Lunch Ride, DODThursday rides depart Brayshaw Park 11amSunday rides depart Railway Station Carpark at advertised time.All rides are weather dependent.Note DOD = Decide on the Day                 25 October 2020; Annual North Island Remembrance Service at Taupo, see notice on our Branch website.25th October 2020; Greymouth Street Races and our Jock is competing.                                    31 Oct—2 Nov 2020; Marlborough Anniversary weekend, Branch double overnighter at Pohara Beach Top 10       Holiday Park. Book your accommodation now.20 –22 November 2020; Taranaki Branch Energy Rally. Further info contact Blair Campbell phone 027 4490202. Email; ibcampbell@xtra.co.nz21st February 2021; Shiny Side Up Nelson.26-28 February 2021; Marlborough Branch ‘Back to Basics Rally’ at Kaituna near Havelock. Rego and info form on our Branch website.

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10 Pin Bowling

15th August

Very few attended, but those that did had a fantastic time. A few more joined in at the Grove Tavern for dinner. Melissa was a clear winner, with Louise well and truely last.

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Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?"the first man asks the second."I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?""It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?""I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says."What do you mean?" asks the first man."If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive." 

www.ulysses.org.nz/marlborough