the art of marital happiness

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    The Art of Marital HappinessMarital happiness is one of the most important objectives of marriage inIslam and it has a concept, content and a manner to achieve. It meansthat two parties accept each other with satisfaction and each one of

    them feels that the other party suits and makes him/her feelcomfortable. In order for marital life to proceed from satisfaction tohappiness, and from happiness to paradise, we present here some basicrules regarded as practical steps that should be taken by both wife andhusband to get marital happiness.First rule: Get closer to Allah!Wife and husband should be keen on getting closer to Allah The All-Mighty through doing good deeds and abiding by His commands, andhave to avoid evil deeds that displease Allah and make them subject tothe punishment of Allah in this world and the hereafter. Doing gooddeeds and abiding by commands of Allah relieve the heart and create an

    atmosphere of psychological happiness and comfort at home and withinthe family, Allah says in the Noble Quran(translation of meaning intoEnglish):" Then if there comes guidance from Me(Allah), then whoeverfollows My guidance he never shall go astray, nor shall be distressed.But whosoever turns away from my reminder(i.e. neither believes in thisQuran nor acts on its teachings), verily, for him is a life of hardship, andWe shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection ".( Taha:123-124)Second rule: shared responsibility

    The husband is responsible of his family and commanded to look afterthem, and the wife shares this responsibility with him as she manages

    the affairs of home, looks after and brings up the children, and givesadvice to her husband. According to the prophet's commands,everybody in the society, including husband and wife, are commandedto take their responsibilities and perform their duties, the prophet(peaceand blessings be upon him) said(translation of meaning into English):"Everybody is responsible of his/her inferiors: the Imam(leader) isresponsible of his people, the husband is responsible of his family, thewife is responsible of her home, husband and children and the servant isresponsible of his master's property"( narrated by Bukhari and Muslim).

    Third rule: give in order to take!Marriage in the religion of Islam is a partnership between a man and a

    woman to build up a generation that worships Allah and constructs theearth, and it is built upon love, intimacy, and altruism between thehusband and his wife. In order for marital life to continue, Allah(Exaltedbe He) enjoined duties that have to be performed by both the husbandand wife to please each other, and if one of them looks only for his/herhappiness and ignores his/her partner, he/she will get nothing and willregret.Fourth rule: if you do not find whom you love, love whom you find!

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    The successful man in life is the one who changes the difficulties andobstacles he faces into a ladder he climbs up to reach happiness, andthe one who learns how to make a sweet drink from sour lemon. So,before you say that your spouse is not the one you have been lookingfor, look at his/her beautiful characteristics and get determined to

    gradually change the characteristics you do not like, because we arewho create the happy life and should find it, and it never comes to us if we do not work.Fifth rule: Do not listen to all what is said!If you listen to the news of other couples and compare your life to theirs,you might get depressed and sad, and you will feel unhappy anddissatisfied with your spouse. The news you hear about other couplesmight be the tool which undermines your home and change your life intoa hell.

    sixth rule: Turn a blind eye to mistakes and avoid blame!In order for a husband and wife to lead a happy marital life, each one of them should turn a blind eye to his/her spouse's mistakes and alwaysremember and mention his/her good characteristics and deeds. Theyalso should avoid blaming each other about doing minor mistakes andact as the prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) who blamed hiswives about some mistakes and turned a blind eye to other ones. Once,the prophet (peace and blessings upon him) disclosed a secret to one of his wives, Hafsah, and asked her to keep that secret, but she told thatsecret to another one of the prophet's wives, A'ishah. Allah(Exalted beHe) informed the prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) about thatso, the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) blamed Hafsah aboutsome mistakes and did not blame her about other ones. This incident isnarrated in the Noble Quran where Allah says (translation of meaninginto English):" And (remember!) when the Prophet disclosed a secret toone of his wives (Hafsah), then she told it to another (i.e. A'ishah). AndAllah made it known to him, he informed part thereof and left a part.

    Then when he told her(Hafsah)thereof, she said:" who told you this?", hesaid" The All-Knower, The All-Aware(Allah) has told me."(66:3).

    Seventh rule: Never unearth the past! The husband and his wife should not ask each other questions such as:

    Is this your first love? Did you fall in love with someone else in the past?Because such questions ignite blind jealousy and undermine the pillarsof home, and Allah commanded us not to ask such questions or try todiscover things that do not concern us, Allah The All-Mighty says in theNoble Quran(translation of meaning into English):"O you who believe!Ask not about things which, if made plain, may cause you trouble"(5:101).

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    Eighth rule: Rights and dutiesAllah the All-Mighty says in the Noble Quran(translation of meaning intoEnglish):" And they (women)have rights(over their husbands as regardsliving expenses) similar( to those of their husbands)over them(asregards respect and obedience) to what is reasonable"(2:228).A

    husband should help his wife when he commands her to do something,and the wife should help her husband when she asks him to dosomething, A'ishah(The prophet's wife, may be pleased with her) statedthat the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to help hiswives with the housework, and when he heard the call to prayer, hewent to the mosque to perform prayer.(narrated by Imam Bukhari).Abdullah Ibn Abbas(one of the Prophet's cousins) was keen on gettingdressed well in front of a mirror, and when asked about the reason hesaid:" I like getting dressed well for my wife as I like her to get dressedwell for me."Ninth rule: seek the reward from Allah!

    It happens sometimes that one of the two spouses spends over theother and gives him/her love and care, yet the other spouse ignores thatand does not express gratitude. We say to the first party: Be patient andkeep performing your duty, and seek the reward from Allah, and be surethat you will get the reward from Allah in this world and the hereafterbecause Allah says in the Noble Quran(translation of meaning intoEnglish):" Allah wastes not the reward of Almuhsineen(i.e. Doers of good)." (9:120).

    Conclusion:we should always remember that our hearts are controlled by Allah, solet us utter that supplication mentioned in the Noble Quran:" Our Lord!Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes,and make us the leaders of the pious." (25:74).