the andalucian - november 2013

Mike

Hello

Editor’s slicE

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Special thanks to our writers and contributorsAlice MarriottHelen BartramJohn Sharrock Taylor

Stuart LangleyTricia Johnson

The Andalucían X5092417DCalle Juanita Romero s/nCampillos 29320, Malaga

Next deadline: 4 December

See our Classified Deals on page 31

Contact usTelephone: +34 952 723075Mobile: +34 627 683380 [email protected] www.theandalucian.com

Owner: Claire Marriott Editor: Mike Marriott

Well the cold snap has finally started to kick in. On page 20 we have covered the annual crisis which is Man Flu… and the more common cold on page 6. With the weather in mind, we also tackle the mould issue which many of us here in Andalucía face on an annual basis too.

Andalucía seems to come alive at this time of year with the olive harvest starting and the tractors out in full force. Our article on page 22 shows you how to marinade your own olives for eating if you fancy a go this year – time-consuming it may be but well worth a try.

With the great response from last month’s crossword we have decided to make this a regular feature – remember you’ll find all the clues throughout the magazine. I have to say that as much as I love the trivia questions we feature, some of them do have me scratching my head, but we understand that our readers love the puzzle and quizzes so I hope you enjoy the teasers too. You might learn something useless but at least glean some interesting facts from page 27. You never know when you can use one of them as an ice-breaker at a forthcoming Christmas do!

For advertisers, we have slashed our prices for the festive season so why not take the opportunity to let our readers know what offers and entertainment you have going with our lower-than-ever prices? We will not be beaten!

Until next month – stay warm and well!

Editor’s slicE

Talking PoinT

4 www.theandalucian.com

What bugs are in

your Roses?As we start buying our Christmas treats and sweets we also know that come the New Year, we’ll soon be regretting having indulged ourselves with the festive feast of sweets from those selection boxes. Well, maybe if you knew what was in your innocent bar of chocolate you may have second thoughts?

It has been claimed that the average chocolate bar contains eight insect legs! It’s not clear why the figure eight should have established itself as the supposed number of insect legs contained in the typical sweet treat, but whatever the reason, you’ll be pleased to read that it has no more accuracy than the old wives’ tale that the average pork pie contains one of Perky’s crown jewels! However, before you rip open a wrapper with this delightful news, you might still be surprised at the levels of insect contamination in chocolate!

The ‘eight legs’ statistic may have its origins in the fact that some food additives used in confectionery manufacturers are derived from insects. For example, cochineal – also known as carmine, Natural Red 4, Crimson Lake and, in European food labelling, E120 — is a red food colouring that is extracted by boiling, drying and powdering cochineals (scale insects of the Dactylopius genus). This is why strict vegetarians don’t drink Campari. Shellac, or E904, sometimes used as a glaze on sweets (as well as being used in furniture polish), tends to be avoided by vegetarians and vegans alike, since the collection of the secretion of the lac insect typically involves fatal ‘collateral damage’ to the beetles themselves.

So insect-derived additives are permitted in foods – but contamination during processing is a more common source of insect content than the active use of additives. The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) publishes a list of ‘food defect action levels’, which details ‘levels of natural or unavoidable defects in foods for human use that present no health hazard’ — in other words, levels which are acceptable and deemed to be in the upper limits of safe for consumption. In the case of chocolate, the action level for ‘insect filth’ (a technical term, apparently) is an average of ‘60 or more insect fragments per 100 grams when six 6 100-gram sub-samples are examined’ or where ‘any one sub-sample contains 90 or more insect fragments’.

The FDA guidelines state that the action level figures refer to sample averages when testing for conformity. In other words, these are not averages actually found across the food industry, which are much lower for the foods concerned at around roughly 10 per cent of the action levels. This would mean an average 100-gram sample might contain around six insect fragments, so a 50-gram chocolate bar might contain around three.

A study of eight samples conducted by the Central Hudson Laboratory, who specialise in — among other areas — ‘insect fragment and rodent hair analysis and interpretations’ — found an average of 14.4 insect fragments per 225-gram sample, which works out as an average of 3.2 fragments per 50 grams — consistent with the calculations based on 10 per cent of the FDA action levels.

To keep a sense of perspective, however, don’t forget that these fragments are simply that – fragments – and not whole insect legs! So it’s not like you’re eating some kind of insect can-can every time you give into the temptation of the sweet stuff!

alice’s Wonderland

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Full steam ahead

for next year!Hi it’s me, Alice, again

Well my school has decided that we’re going on the cruise next year – I am so excited and can’t wait to get the list of where we will be visiting. A few years ago I was lucky enough for Diane’s mum and dad to take me with Diane’s son Jack on a cruise – it was fantastic and we had so much fun, so I am really hoping that this one will be just as good.

Mum got her results back from the hospital and we got the great news that the three tumours that they took out were all benign, but she has some more in her neck and they want to check that everything between her chin and hips are clear of lymphoma too — so more scans!

I stayed the night with Mum in hospital last month as she was rushed in with a complication in her gallbladder. It’s full of stones and there’s one stuck

somewhere – strange to think we have stones in us when we don’t eat them! Anyway, Mum’s gallbladder has got to be removed so more trips to the hospital!

I have started to work at the local stables in Teba and love it. I am helping to teach local children how to ride at the weekends, I stayed at my friend Nadia’s house last weekend and we both went to the stables to help out. We love plaiting the horses’ hair but unfortunately when we were doing one of them, it stood on Nadia’s foot. Luckily it didn’t do it too hard and it hasn’t put her off – which I’m glad about as I like going there with her.

Well, I have loads of end of term exams coming up so I’m off to cram in a bit more revision – I mean, really – who has exams in PE!

Love, Alice x

HealTH & BeauTy

As the weather starts to feel a bit chillier, the majority of us fall victim to a winter cold, but how do you know when a cold has become flu? One-third of us think flu is just a bad cold, but each year thousands of people die of complications following contracting the flu virus so recognising the symptoms and knowing when to gain medical help is vital.

It is true that colds and flu share some of the same symptoms including sneezing, coughing and a sore throat but they are caused by different viruses. If you're generally fit and healthy, you can usually manage the symptoms of a cold or flu yourself without seeking medical advice. Commonsense prevails so look after yourself by resting, drinking lots of fluids and avoid strenuous activity. Painkillers such as ibuprofen or paracetamol can relieve aches and pains, and over-the-counter cold remedies can ease many of the aliments too. However, remember that by just squeezing the juice of half a lemon into a cup of hot water and adding a teaspoon of honey can often help just as much as shop-bought products and help with the pennies too!

Some people need to take extra care as they're more at risk of serious chest complications such as pneumonia and bronchitis. People over 65 are more at risk of complications. Other age groups, including children, are more at risk of complications if they have: • serious heart or chest complaints, including asthma • serious kidney disease or liver disease • diabetes • lowered immunity due to disease or medical treatment • had a stroke or transient ischaemic attack (TIA)

Here in Spain, everyone in an at-risk group (if entitled to health care) is entitled to a free flu vaccination – you should receive a letter from your doctor’s surgery to arrange for your appointment, alternatively check the posters in your local medical centre to see the dates and ask if you qualify. There are around 200 viruses that cause colds and three that cause flu. There are many strains of these flu viruses, and the vaccine changes every year to protect against the most common ones.

Symptoms of a cold include: • runny nose, beginning with clear mucus that develops into thicker, green mucus as the cold progresses • blocked nose • sore throat • sneezing • cough

People with a cold may also suffer with a mild fever, earache, tiredness and headache. Symptoms develop over one or two days and gradually get better after a few days. Some colds can ‘hang around’ for up to a fortnight.

According to Cardiff’s Common Cold Centre, a cold is most contagious during the early stages when the person has a runny nose and sore throat.

Vitamin C has long had a reputation for helping prevent colds and people often gulp mega-doses when they feel cold symptoms coming on, but clinical studies have shown no effect for vitamin C in cold prevention in normal situations. However, research has shown that doses of 200 mg or greater (more than twice the 60-75 mg current recommended dietary intake for adults) may help reduce the duration of colds slightly. The likelihood of success seems to vary with the person — some people improve after taking vitamin C supplements, others don’t. Try it and see for yourself, but don’t exceed 2,000 mg per day. More than this can cause an upset stomach.

Flu usually comes on much more quickly than a cold, and symptoms include:• sudden fever of 38-40°C (100-104°F) • muscle aches and pains • sweating • feeling exhausted and needing to lie down • dry, chesty cough • sneezing


Seasonal flu or

common cold?

HealTH & BeauTyFlu symptoms appear one to three days after infection and most people recover within a week, although you may feel tired for longer as your body recovers from the virus. A severe cold can also cause muscle aches and fever, so it can be hard to tell the difference.

You can catch flu - short for influenza - all year round, but it is especially common in winter, which is why it is also known as 'seasonal flu'. If you have flu, it will usually be possible for you to treat yourself effectively at home with paracetamol or anti-inflammatory medicines such as ibuprofen to lower your high temperature and relieve aches. Get plenty of rest, keep warm and drink plenty of water to avoid dehydration. Drinking plenty also makes a difference because it helps keep the secretions thinner and allows patients to get them out of their system more quickly, alleviating symptoms such as a cough or nasal drainage.

If you are in a 'high-risk' group and are more likely to suffer complications from flu, your doctor may prescribe antiviral medication. Antivirals will not cure flu but they will help to reduce the length of time you are ill by a few days, relieve some of the symptoms and reduce the potential for serious complications.

Antibiotics are not prescribed for flu as they have no effect on viruses. However, occasionally it may be necessary to treat complications of flu — especially serious chest infections or pneumonia — with a course of antibiotics.

Whether it’s a cold or flu, get medical help if:• you have a chronic condition (such as asthma, diabetes or heart disease), or • you have a very high fever as well as an unusually severe headache or abdominal or chest pain

Cold and flu viruses are spread by droplets which are sneezed or coughed out by an infected person. Other people can breathe in these droplets or transfer them to their eyes or nose on their fingers.

Protect yourself and others against colds and flu by coughing or sneezing into a tissue and throwing a used tissue away as soon as possible, then washing your hands. Have your flu jab every year if you're in an at-risk group.


Talking PoinT


Taking care of

Government business

Make sure you don’t lose out on your UK pension or benefits payments.

From 31 January 2014, all payments made by the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) to accounts in a eurozone country such as Spain will need an International Bank Account Number (IBAN) and Bank Identification Code (BIC). After that date, banks in the eurozone will not accept any DWP direct payments without these details.

If the DWP does not already hold these details for your account then you will soon receive a letter asking for them. You should complete the attached form and return it to them as soon as possible. Failure to do so may mean your payments will be stopped. You can get the IBAN and BIC details from your bank account statement, or directly from your bank.

If you have not received a letter from the DWP then that will mean they already have your details so you don‘t need to do anything further. Those who receive their pension or benefits into a UK bank account are not affected by this change.

For more information about the change to European bank account numbers visit the European Commission website at http://ec.europa.eu/internal_market/payments/sepa/index_en.htm

Spanish government widens healthcare cover

As pledged in last year’s Healthcare Reform measures, this September the Spanish government announced guidelines for the new Convenio Especial (or Special Scheme).

The Convenio Especial is a public health insurance scheme through which those who don‘t have access to state-provided health-care can pay a monthly fee to get cover. This does not apply to state pensioners, workers, those who have exhausted unemployment benefits, those who registered as residents in Spain before 24.04.12 or their dependents, as they should already have their own health cover.

The scheme will be nationwide, but managed by each autonomous region which will have the option of including different services over and above the basic package announced by the Government. Policyholders, including children, will pay on an individual basis and be able to receive access to public healthcare anywhere in Spain, regardless of pre-existing conditions.

The announced basic monthly fee will be 60€ for the under 65s and 157€ for those aged 65 or over. However, prescription costs are not subsidised so it is likely you would pay the full cost. Further information will soon be available from your local health centre.

sPoTligHT


Spanish houses just

aren’t built the sameIt’s true — we’ve all said it: Spanish houses just aren’t built the same as a cosy centrally-heated damp-proofed English home, but the pull of the warmer weather (or whatever your reason) enticed me to buy and live here. The majority of the time I don’t ever look back, but I had no idea how harsh the winters here could be – especially the annual battle I have with the dreaded black stuff – mould!

It was the Genevan philosopher, writer, and composer of the 18th-century, Jean Jacques Rousseau, who said ‘God made me and broke the mould.’ Well, my 20th-century Spanish builder should have said ‘I’ve made your house and it will break out in mould!’ Every year the black stuff comes back and this year, I am determined to stop it in its tracks.

So, what is this black mould? Well, the correct term is Stachybotrys chartarum AKA Stachybotrys atra for short — or just black mould! It grows on household surfaces which have high cellulose content such as wood, fibreboard, gypsum board, paper, dust and lint.

of respiratory and other health problems. The black mould produces toxins known as mycotoxins that can cause irritation of the skin and airways. In a few cases, people may develop severe reactions to mould exposure. Symptoms include fever and difficulty in breathing. People with compromised immune systems or those with chronic lung disease can develop serious lung infections due to moulds.

I am fully aware that shower rooms and bathrooms provide an ideal damp, warm, and humid environment for mould growth, but every room in my house seems to have been infected at some point over the years. If you consider that each human adult expels around a pint of water in their breath every 24 hours, added to the steam from your kettle, cooking, showering or bathing, you soon have a lot of moisture! If all the windows are closed, this moisture is trapped inside and you will get mould starting to grow during the cooler months. So, working on the fact that the best way to prevent mould in the home is the control of moisture, I fling open the windows and ventilate as much as I can stand – bitter winds permitting. I you already have the black stuff in your home to commence battle you have to clean the area first:

Scrub hard surfaces which are prone to mould with detergent and water, and then make sure they are completely dried. In some cases, a diluted solution of bleach (no stronger than one cup of bleach in one gallon of water) may be needed to kill the mould – watch what you are putting bleach on though!

Wearing a mask (available at any DIY store) can further limit your exposure to airborne mould or spores when cleaning. Wear gloves to avoid touching mouldy surfaces with your bare hands. After mould removal, it is important to prevent further re-growth by keeping affected areas as dry as possible.

I have spent years cleaning my walls to rid the house of mould but it always seems to rear its ugly head again and again, so here are some tips you may find help you to banish the black stuff for good:

Moulds reproduce by forming tiny spores which are not visible to the naked eye. These are very hardy and can survive under conditions in which mould itself cannot grow, such as in dry and harsh environments. They travel through outdoor and indoor air and when they land on a surface where moisture is present, mould can then start to grow.

Outdoors, moulds play a role in the decomposition of organic matter such as dead trees, compost, and leaves. I accept this is vital, but I don’t want it indoors thank you very much! Not only does it look awful, but it has the potential to damage soft furnishings and clothing, and it has been identified by most world health organisations as a major cause

sPoTligHT


Make sure any leaks in plumbing are repaired and any areas which have been subjected to water leakage or damage are cleaned and dried within 24 - 48 hours

Using an air conditioner or dehumidifier can help draw the moisture out

Avoid the use of carpets in humid areas such as bathrooms

Use extractor fans or open bathroom windows when showering

Appliances which produce moisture, such as tumble dryers and stoves, should be vented to the outdoors when possible

Adding insulation can reduce the potential for condensation on cold surfaces (such as windows, piping, roof or floors)

Wipe condensation off your windows in the mornings and then keep them open to get a through draught as much as possible — try to ventilate rooms even when not in use

Don’t hang any wet washing in your home

It will happen in corners first where there is little air movement but also behind close-fitting furniture such as wardrobes. Avoid having anything with material (such as your sofas) close to walls and make sure other furniture is not actually touching the wall

Ideally, don’t use a mobile gas heater as they produce a huge amount of water when they burn and only make the problem worse

Don’t forget to clean the drip pan at the bottom of the fridge where mould and mildew can collect. A good tip is to use a generous dash (don’t want to waste too much!) of vodka in a cup of water to clean that portion with a little toothbrush to get all the crevices

Head outside to tackle the gutters or get a local builder/professional to come and clean them out for you to prevent drainage problems and mould.

Use Titanlux™ products (available from any good DIY outlet, normally near the paint) from mould cleaners to preventions – it does seem to be the only thing that has worked for me – so fingers crossed this year the mould will stay outdoors and well away from my home.

JusT for fun

1 Which lower level of clouds are commonly called rain clouds?2 In which country is Mount Logan?3 How many pieces does each player have in the game of backgammon?4 Salt Lake City is the capital of which US state?5 What on a ship is a jib?6 Who won best actress Oscar in 1990 for her role in Misery?7 What are timbels, tabors and tablas types of?8 What is trichology the study of?9 What is the name of Sherlock Holmes’ faithful housekeeper?10 Which palace is the official residence of the French president?11 What is the more common name for the human disease varicella?12 A whooper is a type of which bird?13 The Quarrymen was the original name of which pop group?

14 In which year did British ice skater Robin Cousins win an Olympic gold medal?15 Who assassinated President Lincoln on April 15, 1865?16 Who said: “Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle”?17 In musical terms, what does R & B stand for?18 What’s the name of Flash Gordon’s girlfriend?19 The River Nile flows into which sea?20 What’s the name of the Flintstones’ pet dinosaur?

Answers on page 30

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November’s twenty teasers -

mixed bag of mind-blowing questions

THings To do

The next production from T.A.P.A.S. (The Andalucia Performing Arts Society) will be the comedy ‘Inspector Drake and the Black Widow’ by David Tristram.

When oil tycoon John Johnson is found with a huge sword in his back, it looks like a straightforward case of murder. But things in Drake's world are never as they seem.

Why was Johnson badly disguised as his own wife?Why had he eaten a tortoise?Why do all the women in the house look similar?

For once, Sergeant Plod thinks he knows all the answers. And so he should. After all, he's relating the events through a series of flashbacks, so he knows how it all ends. But if Plod is right, the legendary Inspector Drake is about to make a terrible mistake. And there's something even more disturbing. The trusty sergeant has been troubled by a recurring nightmare. It's a nightmare involving spiders, and the image of a man… lying dead. That man is Inspector Drake. Is this just another confusing flashback or the horrible truth of Drake's final destiny? After all, when the Black Widow lays her deadly trap, it's just a matter of time.

With an excellent cast directed by Leroy Lingwood the show is to be performed on Friday 6th and Saturday 7th December at 8pm with a final showing on Sunday 8th December at 4pm at Los Arcos, nr Coin - Km6 A7059.

Tickets are on sale now for €10 (€7 for Tapas Members) and are available from the box office 635 293 714 or from the usual TAPAS outlets.

Alhaurin el Grande Cristinas Papeleria By Stone Cross roundabout, Ctra Cartama Martins Papeleria Calle Gerald Brenan 49

Coin Buy Rite Supermarket Near the horse roundabout One Stop Shop - La Trocha (Under the escalator in main entrance)

Cartama & Cartama Estacion Call Betty Ross to arrange to collection 951 047 323

Music and merriment this yuletide

Don’t miss the opportunity to see the talented TAPAS choir who have a full programme as we head towards Christmas. Many venues are return visits but there are some new and exciting performances in the offing so check for one near you:

23 November 7pm Marbella Golf and Country Club24 November 5pm Marbella Golf and Country Club30 November 1pm La Cala Christmas Fair3 December Lux Mundi in Fuengirola between 10.30am and 2pm (time to be confirmed please check website for details)13 December 5pm Mijas Town Hall (Mijas Pueblo) Christmas Concert 14 December 11.30am Dunnes Stores (Hipo) Fuengirola 14 December 5pm Lux Mundi in Torre del Mar16 December late morning Dunnes Stores, Las Rampas – please check the website www.tapassociety.com or contact TAPAS Box Office on 635 293 714 for further details or to confirm times.


Black Widows at Christmas-time?

sPoTligHT

You may ask "Why would I need funeral insurance? I have a life insurance policy!"

Unfortunately, life insurance policies usually only pay out after you have a death certificate which is given after a burial or cremation. Meanwhile the funeral directors need to be paid and this is costly, with a basic funeral starting at around 2500€. Even if you have this available in the bank, there is still all the organising and paperwork to do. Having experienced this personally I have seen the massive difference between those who have funeral insurance and the complications for those who don't.

Living in Spain, most have witnessed how brief the period is between death and the funeral — usually around 24 - 48 hours. Embalming is something that is only done rarely done here. This period can be extended at a price (if the family wishes to wait for

relatives to arrive from abroad, for example) but the burial usually occurs rapidly in comparison to, say, the UK. Making arrangements for their own funeral may be an uncomfortable topic for some people, but essential nevertheless. We routinely take out insurance against events that we hope will never happen (car crash, fire, house burglary etc) and which for most people never will, yet we shy away from facing up to what is 100 per cent guaranteed to happen to all of us at some point — only the timing is uncertain. The importance of doing this, however — especially here in Spain — simply cannot be overstated.


Sense and sympathy by Helen Bartram

sPoTligHT

We make wills without feeling awkward, and we decide what to leave to our loved ones, but there are also things that we would not wish to leave them with: the burden of high funeral costs when payment is required immediately and at a time when bank accounts are often frozen; the worry and stress of all the arrangements at a time of great upset; coping with the speed with which these things are done in Spain and attempting to handle all of this with the added pressure of a different language and culture. Simply leaving all of this to fall on the shoulders of a surviving spouse or partner is an abdication of personal responsibility. Making sensible, planned arrangements is an act of love, being caring enough to insulate and protect those closest to you at what will be a very difficult time.

Once a death occurs in Spain, a certain protocol must be followed. First, the proper authorities need to be informed. If the death occurs in a hospital or some other care facility, this is done automatically. If not, the Policia Local (Local Police) need to be called. They will, in turn, advise the Juez Forense (Forensic Judge), who will be summoned to come to the place of death to authorise the removal of the body. The deceased person's physician should also be informed of the death. Normally an autopsy is not required if there is no doubt about the cause of death. Planning ahead means that in the event of the death of a loved one, with one call to the number provided by the insurance company all of these protocols are automatically taken care of. Pre-planning also offers a way by which you can protect yourself from the ever-increasing prices of funeral services.

By pre-planning, there are ways you can lower the level of stress your death causes upon your loved ones. It is the sensible way of making sure that your wishes are obeyed and that your family – or, if you are on your own, a neighbour or a friend — are not forced to make important decisions under duress. This is especially important when living in Spain where, as we discussed earlier, the culture of funerals might be very different from what you are accustomed to, and language might also be a barrier.

Some insurance companies now offer tailor-made policies. Meridiano starts with a basic policy which includes worldwide transfer so that wherever you may be when the event happens, you and your loved ones can get back home to carry out your funeral plan. There is also complete legal coverage to take care of all the seemingly-endless paperwork which Spanish organisations thrive on. Meridiano also

offers options in the basic cover such as its Canal Salud health card which gives you 24 hour access to medical advice, discounts should you wish to see a comprehensive range of private specialists — useful with all the latest health cuts and also, I think, very useful to get something back from a funeral policy before the event.

Coverage is also provided to help with the costs should you need to be hospitalised, plus help towards fuel costs when travelling to and from hospital. There is also the option of repatriation if you wish to be buried in Britain.

I have to admit I am a convert. After 14 years refusing to see the need for this insurance, I feel much calmer knowing it is there and it's not something I or my husband will need to think about should the worst happen. I think we'll both have enough on our plates just coping.

To discuss a personalised plan which suits all your requirements see the advert on page 4 for contact details.


cHariTy neWs


Help the world to seeSpecsavers Opticas has launched a campaign to improve the sight of the world’s poorest people by collecting thousands of glasses to send to developing countries.

They have set the ambitious target of collecting 3,000 pairs of glasses over the three month campaign from 10 October 2013 to 10 January 2014 to help those in Africa and India, where people desperately need access to glasses.

After the glasses are donated in store they are sent to the Lions Club’s recycling plant in Alicante where they are first separated into single vision, bifocals, varifocals and sunglasses. They are then graded according to prescription strength, cleaned and boxed for distribution.

Lions Club representatives are located across many developing countries including Africa and India.

They test the eyes of locals and send requests for the required prescription glasses onto the fulfilment plant. Lions Club International collects around 70,000 pairs of glasses to be re-dispensed every year, with each one being donated and hand-selected for specific people in need.

Leighton Griffiths, store director of Specsavers Marbella, commented, “There is always a shortage of glasses in developing countries as they have no medical support, so Specsavers’ donations are absolutely vital to people with poor vision and we hope the whole community in Marbella and Fuengirola will get behind the campaign and not let their old glasses go to waste.”

cHariTy neWs


All eight Specsavers Opticas stores in Spain will be acting as collection points for used glasses. Specsavers Marbella is collaborating with the Club de Leones Marbella Decano and Specsavers Fuengirola with the Mijas La Cala Lions.

To find your nearest store visit www.specsavers.es. For more information on the Lions Club International and to find your local branch visit www.lionsclubs.org

Andalucían Auctions in Campillos are acting as an inland collection point for Specsavers Opticas – please ensure that all glasses are at the auction house no later than January 7 2014. For directions and contact details, see advert on page 20 or visit the website at www.andalucianauctions.com

Across4 Man-Flu is more painful than this7 Creative Property Marketing are not these8 Don't hang this inside if trying to keep mould at bay9 Pain relief for a cold or flu10 The English Bookshop is based here11 You can you a 4 bed village house for just €89,500 here13 Helping the world to see16 Which of King Richard III's shoulders was higher than the other17 Andalucían Auctions are based here19 Reforms R Us are based here20 Father David's surname21 The Geeks can recover this for you22 Another name for E904 used to glaze sweets23 Harvesting the cover

Down1 Deadline date for the Christmas issue2 Kennels and cattery in Puente Genil3 Location of the golf and country club where TAPAS are singing5 What service would you get when you call this number 661 2124066 Solicitors with many branches10 Who to contact at Camposat12 Reform Specialists liaise with these professionals14 How many bottles feature in the Just so Clean advert15 UK-ES sell these18 Alice's friend who went to the stables

Answers on page 30.

Men’s MaTTers


Man Flu - the facts... by A Man

It is widely believed (mainly by women) that Man Flu is simply a cold, the symptoms of which are greatly exaggerated by us men. Well, I for one am lucky enough to still be here to report that this is false. Having only just survived last winter’s dreaded virus I can tell you that Man Flu is a serious and potentially life-threatening illness, and I am sure it will, without a doubt, soon be on the list of reportable diseases. Man Flu is a distinct disease in its own right, and should not be misdiagnosed as a mere common cold.

The clue of course is in the name but it is powerful knowledge that women cannot catch Man Flu as it does not attack humans with the XX chromosome — only those with the XY chromosome. This genetic mutation effectively immunises females against Man Flu. This may BE the reason why women widely believe that Man Flu is actually just the common cold, but with a bit of extra drama thrown in for good measure.

At worst, females suffer from what is man-medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' – which, if a chap caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities. I’m writing to let you know the serious facts of one of the world’s most crippling viruses known to man:

It is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact. At least with childbirth it's all done and dusted in a few hours, but Man Flu can last for weeks...

It is not 'just a cold'. Let’s not forget a single cough or sneeze in the wrong direction could hold enough Man Flu germs to wipe out a small rainforest tribe. And probably loads of monkeys too.

Men’s MaTTers

21www.theandalucian.com

In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms of full blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her head literally fell off.

More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things such as rabbit attacks or choking on toast.

We do not 'moan' when we have Man-Flu — we emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain we are in.

Full recovery will take place much quicker if our simple requests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is that really so much to ask? I’m sure Florence Nightingale would have done it.

While it may seem like a sufferer is just lying around enjoying a James Bond film, it is commonly recognised within the male community that the exact pitch and frequency of Sean Connery’s voice has remarkable soothing

If suffering, we want nothing more than to forget about our affliction and get out of bed and do something such as work or a spot of DIY, but we are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst friends, colleagues and family. In this sense, we are true champions.

The germs are more powerful than He-Man, Superman and the A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu – endless cups of tea appear to have a much better effect.

The best way to deal with Man Flu is to just 'get on with it' — this couldn’t be further from the truth. My extensive research during last year’s illness has proved that the only way to combat the crippling effects is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by the Missus.

Rumour has it that Man Flu is just a way for us to gain sympathy/time off work/time in front of the telly. This is completely false — Man Flu is a bona-fide and debilitating illness. Would men make a meal of that sort of thing?

powers. Remember, we men have a slower recovery rate from Man Flu than women do from the common cold as the effects of Man Flu can linger for days — often weeks — compared with just a few hours for the common cold. If we are not permitted the correct period of convalescence following an attack of Man Flu, we could be plunged back into a critical condition.

Don’t be fooled that the best cure for Man Flu is a cocktail of over-the-counter remedies, chicken noodle soup and a tot of whisky. This, too, is false as I can tell you — there is no cure for Man Flu. It is true that a tot of whisky and the soothing warmth only gained from vapour rub being applied on our chest from a loved one can ease our suffering, but once infected, the afflicted can only hope that the Gods roll the dice in favour of life rather than slow, lingering death.

Every minute one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women, all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, the TV remote, some kind words and your undivided attention and care. Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together...

For the record, I have been unable to clarify the scientific parts of my article as I cannot remember the name of the guy in the bar who told them to me as I was coming down with Man-Flu at the time, and the medicinal brandy was just starting to kick in!

Talking PoinT

Water Curing "Smashed" or "Cracked" Olives

If you are planning to pick your own olives for eating then be aware there is no question that it is very labour intensive, from the picking to the pickling to the plate is some mean task. You have to change the water every day for at least 10 days before you even think about getting them ready to eat. For me, that means hauling lots of heavy containers to the kitchen from the terrace, draining them and then hauling them back again, refilled with fresh water. Then, once they are brined, you have to let them sit for another fortnight before you can taste them.

Most recipes you find often sound like you should brine them in a big container, but we tend to do them in smaller manageable bowls. We’ve even put the olives in jars and then put the brine over them, and then top it off with the olive oil. Given the amount we have after harvest, we have also experimented a bit with what we put into the jars to spice them up a bit. Our family can suck up a serious number of olives in no time at all, and we love hot spices, so we make some jars with hot pepper flakes instead of using the more traditional oregano for all the batches.

I don't smash the olives as often suggested, because I find that so much of the flesh becomes bruised — instead I take a sharp paring knife and simply make two slices lengthways. It seems to work sufficiently well.

As you may have discovered, olives cannot be eaten straight from the tree – they need some preparation before they are palatable. A few years ago, this recipe was given to us by one of our Spanish friends, who told us that the resulting olives were very tasty.

So for those of you who fancy serving home-grown marinated olives at your next dinner party, just follow the recipe below:

It is very important that at the beginning, you do not mix ripe (black) and unripe (green) olives.

The quantities of ingredients used in this recipe are based on pickling 1.5kg of freshly harvested olives, so you may need to adjust the quantities depending on the size of your tree!

Pickling your olives

1. Make two cuts lengthways into each olive through to the stone, using a sharp knife. Place the olives in sterilised jars until the jars are two-thirds full. Cover the olives with water then fill a small plastic bag with water, tie securely and sit the bag on top of the olives to keep them submerged – if you are doing this in a larger container, find something large enough to weight the olives down, such as a tray or piece of wood.

2. Scum and impurities will soon appear on the surface of the water. Change the water in the jars every day and continue to do so for 10 days.

3. Once this is done, combine 1 litre of water and 75g of sea salt in a pan and gently warm until the salt has dissolved. Allow to cool. Drain the cleansing water from the jars and pour in enough of the salted water to cover the olives. Add a layer of olive oil to the jars to make an airtight seal over the olives.

Continued on page 2422 www.theandalucian.com

The olive - from tree to tapa

Talking PoinT

4. Leave for 5 weeks covered in a cool, dark spot. After this, they will be ready to eat but they can stay like this for around 6 months.

Marinate your olives

For 5lbs olives try our favourite recipe:

1 – 1 ½ quarts of water3 tablespoons sea salt2 lemons – cut into ½ inch cubes2 tablespoons of dried oregano2 cups of white wine vinegar6 cloves of garlic – peeled and halved2 tablespoons of cumin seeds – crushedOlive oil

Did you know?

* You need 4–5 kg of olives to produce 1 litre of oil.

* Each mature tree produces 15-20 kilos of olives, or 4-5 litres of oil.

* There are over 750 million olive trees cultivated worldwide. Spain is, not surprisingly, the largest producer of olive oil (approx 40 per cent), with Italy coming in second (25 per cent). Andalucía is the largest olive-growing area on earth. Spanish olive oil is often exported to other countries (eg Italy) for its bottling and packaging, hence the true origin of the oil is often unclear. Make sure you buy Spanish...!

* This exporting of Andalucía’s olive oil to Italy has gone on for centuries – at the height of the Roman Empire, as much as four million gallons of oil were transported each year from Baética (Andalucía) to Rome. Such was the scale of the trade that one of the “hills” of Rome (Monte Testaccio) is actually the ancient world’s largest rubbish dump - a 150-foot-high mountain of discarded amphorae, the ceramic jars used for importing the oil. Each one of these 25 million jars had its own export data stamped on the inside of the pot – information which was designed to limit fraud, such as the merchant’s name, place of export, plus the weight of the jar and oil etc.

Method:1. For this recipe, prepare your olives as on page 22 and leave them for 10 days – remember to change the water every day.

2. When the time has come, boil the 1 – 1 ½ quarts of water and dissolve the 3 tablespoons sea salt in it. Empty the liquid from the jar in which the olives have been soaking; rinse the olives in cold water and cover them with the salt brine you have made - once it has cooled. Mix in the lemons, oregano, wine vinegar, garlic, and cumin. Float enough olive oil on top to cover the surface. Store in a cool, dark place for at least two weeks before eating. The olives keep quite well for at least two months.

Try adding different flavours to your olives such as hotter spices – it’s great to experiment with different herbs and spices, especially if you do some smaller jars in case you are not too keen on the result!


JusT for fun

1 Months which begin on a Sunday will always have a ‘Friday the 13th’.2 On average, a hedgehog's heart beats 300 times a minute.3 ‘Almost’ is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.4 Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.5 Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.6 Fingernails grow nearly four times faster than toenails.7 Earth is the only planet not named after a God.8 Jamaica has the most churches per square mile than any other country in the world.9 The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.10 A group of kangaroos is called a mob.

21 The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”.22 15 million blood cells are destroyed in the human body every second.23 It takes one 15-to-20-year-old tree to produce 700 paper shopping bags.24 In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of five times around the equator.25 The average seven-year-old child can recognise more than 200 company logos.

11 A Boeing 747’s wingspan is longer than the Wright brothers’ first flight.12 You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.13 The average person’s left hand does 56 per cent of the typing.14 Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.15 It’s estimated that at any one time around 0.7 per cent of the world’s population is drunk.16 Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.17 The human feet perspire half a pint of fluid a day.18 Construction workers’ hard hats were first invented and used in the building of the Hoover Dam in 1933.19 It can take as long as four hours to hard-boil an ostrich egg.20 A jumbo jet uses 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off.


25 useless things you just

don’t need to know about...

Deposito Legal MA-1110-2004

Copyright © 2004 - 2013 All rights reserved

All advertisements are published in good faith and are for information purposes. We do not under any circumstances accept responsibility for the accuracy of such advertisements, nor is any kind of warranty or endorsement expressed or implied by such publication.

The editorials are not a substitute for legal advice, and not intended or offered as such. The Andalucían does not therefore accept any duty of care to anyone who makes use of, or seeks to rely on, material in this publication.

No part of this or any previous Local Connections or The Andalucían publications may be used or reproduced without the prior written consent of the owner.

sPoTligHT

‘I’ll eat my hat if we find Richard III in a car park!’ archaeologist Richard Buckley had exclaimed to his colleagues.

You may have seen the recent Channel 4 documentary about the unearthing of England’s last Plantagenet king, killed at Bosworth Field on 22 August 1485. After the battle, Richard’s body had been brought to the house of the Grey Friars in Leicester where it was buried in a hastily-prepared grave. In August 2012, a dig was initiated on the Greyfriars site by the Richard III society in partnership with the University of Leicester. On the very first day of the work, the excavators uncovered the remains of a man in his 30s who had suffered multiple wounds from a variety of weapons. The most notable feature of the skeleton was a severe curvature of the spine which had caused the right shoulder to be higher than the left. Extensive DNA analysis, together with other historical, scientific and archaeological evidence, led to the announcement on 4 February 2013 that the bones had been positively identified as those of King Richard III.

of Time in which a bored and hospitalised detective reviews the evidence and arrives at the conclusion that Richard was a ‘Good Man’ who would certainly be remembered as a ‘Good King’ but for the shifty machinations of Henry Tudor and his slippery allies.

If you followed the Philippa Gregory TV series The White Queen you will know that Richard III proclaimed himself King after his brother Edward IV died suddenly at the age of 45 leaving only child heirs. After years of bloody dynastic conflict, England needed a strong adult monarch and Richard appears to have been genuinely convinced by Bishop Stillington’s revelation that his nephews were illegitimate because Edward’s marriage to Elizabeth Woodville had been bigamous. The boys then disappeared and the finger of suspicion pointed at Richard, though as Tey — and more serious historians — have pointed out, there were other quite convincing candidates for the role of assassin.

Through much of Edward IV’s reign, Richard had held the North on behalf of his brother and his rule was so benevolent and just that the city of York recorded his death with the words:

‘King Richard, late mercifully reigning over us, was through great treason . . . piteously slain and murdered, to the great heaviness of this city,’ …a risky stance to take because the new king, Henry VII, made a point of dating his reign from the day before the Battle of Bosworth so he could persecute Richard’s supporters.

Folk in the Middle Ages were encouraged to think of Hades as a fiery abyss full of pitchfork-wielding demons, but my personal hell would be an eternity of Abba tributes, so that TV programme about the discovery of Richard’s remains launched me into a month of research and committed our vocal group, La Vid y La Vida, to the five months of intensive

For more than 500 years Richard III has been England’s most controversial monarch and when Seller and Yeatman, in their historical spoof 1066 and All That, firmly classified him as a ‘Bad Man’ and a ‘Bad King’ they were merely echoing dozens of more serious writers. Even the Bard portrays him as a serial killer who gleefully bumped off a series of relatives including his own nephews, the Princes in the Tower. Brought up on Larry Olivier’s portrayal of the Shakespeare role I was intrigued by Josephine Tey’s odd little novel The Daughter


A requiem for the

King in the car park by John Sharrock Taylor

sPoTligHT

rehearsals needed to master the intricate rhythms of 15th century choral music. The end result was our Ricardian requiem in the 300-year-old Ermita de Nuestra Señora del Socorro in the little hamlet of La Parrilla on 11 October 2013. It was an event unique in mainland Europe which may only be repeated once more in Britain, when the King is finally re-interred in 2014.

‘Zhoom!’‘What was that?’‘That was your life, mate!’‘Oh, that was quick. Do I get another? ‘Sorry, mate. That's your lot.’

Basil Fawlty clearly had a rather terminal view of human existence but medieval Christians believed (and many modern ones continue to believe) in purgatory, a state in which the souls of the dead are tried and purified in preparation for Heaven. And according to this doctrine, the time the soul spends in purgatory can be reduced by the prayers of the living. At the very heart of the requiem mass the choir sings these words:

O LORD Jesus Christ, King of glory, deliver the souls of all the faithful departed from the pains of hell and from the bottomless pit. Deliver them from the lion's mouth, that Hell swallow them not up; that they fall not into darkness. But let the standard-bearer holy Michael lead them into that holy light which thou didst promise of old to Abraham and to his seed. We offer to thee, O Lord, sacrifices and prayers. Receive them on behalf of those souls of whom we make memorial this day. Grant them to pass from death to life.

Our requiem, based on the liturgy in use at York during Richard’s lifetime, acquired an extra dimension when, in addition to Richard’s name and that of his queen, Anne Neville, choir member Jean Roberts read out a list of names of family members and friends who had been important in our own lives. The Reverend Brian Melbourne officiated, assisted by Malcolm Tracey, and our next door neighbours Rocío and Alberto provided Spanish translations of the two scriptural readings. Early music specialists Barbara Dunn and Simon Pickard of the Gloucester Waites joined us from the UK and I doubt if anyone in the mixed Spanish and expatriate congregation had ever heard anything quite like Simon’s powerful prelude on the shawm.

The choral parts of our requiem were in Latin and all the music was in use during Richard’s lifetime. Very little English music survived the Reformation and no settings of the requiem liturgy, so for the Introit, and the Offertory, we sang the music of Johannes Ockeghem, an internationally-acclaimed figure. The other composers who figured in the service were John Dunstable, England’s best known late medieval musician, and John Cooke who sang in the choir of the Chapel Royal and was part of Henry V’s retinue at the battle of Agincourt in 1415.

As for archaeologist Richard Buckley, he fulfilled his promise by eating a hat-shaped cake baked by a colleague.


1 Nimbus2 Canada3 154 Utah5 A sail6 Kathy Bates7 Drums8 Hair9 Mrs Hudson10 Elysee11 Chicken pox12 Swan13 The Beatles14 198015 John Wilkes Booth16 Bob Hope17 Rhythm and Blues

Across4 Childbirth7 Estate agents8 Washing9 Paracetamol10 Mollina11 Lora de Estepa13 Specsavers16 Right17 Campillos19 Antequera20 Worsley21 Data22 Shellac23 Olives

Down1 Fourth2 The Pad3 Marbella5 House clearance6 Del Prado10 Mark12 Architects14 Six15 Groceries18 Nadia

JusT for fun

18 Dale Arden19 Mediterranean20 Dino


Twenty teasers from page 12

Crossword from page 18

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the andalucian - november 2013

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