Dedication

Forallthepeoplewhogrewupinthemiddleofnowhere(andValerie,Molly,Sophie,andCharlie—goteam!)

Contents

Cover

TitlePage

Dedication

Preface:BeforeYouEnter:ANotefromtheAuthor

Chapter1:What’sYourPhoneBoothMoment?

Chapter2:TheOriginofAlterEgos

Chapter3:ThePoweroftheAlterEgoEffect

Chapter4:YourOrdinaryWorld

Chapter5:FindingYourMomentsofImpact

Chapter6:TheHiddenForcesoftheEnemy

Chapter7:PullingtheEnemyfromtheShadows

Chapter8:ThePowerofYourStory

Chapter9:ChoosingYourExtraordinaryWorld

Chapter10:ThePowerofaMission

Chapter11:DefiningYourSuperpowersandCraftingtheName

Chapter12:BreathingLifeintoYourAlterEgo

Chapter13:TheHeroicOriginStory

Chapter14:ActivatingYourAlterEgowithaTotemorArtifact

Chapter15:Tests,Trials,andDeliveringtheGroundPunch

Chapter16:Mindsets,Missions,Quests,andAdventures

Acknowledgments

Notes

Index

AbouttheAuthor

Copyright

AboutthePublisher

Preface

BeforeYouEnter

ANotefromtheAuthor

TheAlterEgoEffectwas built to support ambitious people doing hard things.It’s constructed to help you be more resilient, creative, optimistic, andcourageous. I’vehad a sports science andpeakperformance training companyfortwenty-twoyears,andwhatyou’reabouttounwrapisbasednotonlyontheworkI’vedonewiththousandsofamateur,pro,andOlympicathletes,butalsotheartandscienceofhowwework.

It’s been shaped by the data collected from the more than seventy-fivethousand business owners and professionals who have implemented thisstrategy.Theirreportsbackaboutthewins,successes,andbreakthroughsalongwith the tweaks and changes they’ve made have all been used to refine thisstrategy.

Afinalnote:SinceIstartedmypracticeandbeganworkingwithmoreeliteathletes, I made a commitment to privacy. I protect my clients. Some of theworld’s great Olympic and pro athletes as well as entertainers work with mebecauseIpromisenevertousetheirnamesforpersonalbenefit.Why?BecausetrustisthemostessentialcurrencyIcantrade.Everyonewantssomethingfromthesepeople,theyusethemasawaytograbthespotlight,anditcausesthemtotrust no one. I recognized it, and I knew itwould preventme from being thetrusted advisor and coach they needed and wanted. I’ve worked with topbusinessprofessionalsaswell,andthepromiseisthesame.Iholdthattrustandpromisesacred.ButIalsoknowhowvaluableandimportantitistosharetheirstories to help illustrate points and tomake the ideas inThe Alter Ego Effectspringtolifeforyou.

Throughout thebook, Ihave tried tobalance theneed to sharemyclients’storieswithyou, the reader,withmyvow tomyclients.To achieve this, I’ve

sometimeschangeddetailslikenames,asport,anindustry,andotheridentifyingfactors.Intheend,thesefactorsareactuallyirrelevant.Asyou’reabouttofindout, theAlterEgo is a tool anyone, in any situation, in anyprofession, in anymomentcanusetobringforththeirHeroicSelf.

ToddHerman

Chapter1

What’sYourPhoneBoothMoment?

Standing in the greenroom looking atmy notes, Iwaited to be called onstagebefore a crowd of coaches from the world of sports. As I was reviewingmypresentation, a man built like a powerful bulldog walked into the room. I’dplayed him on Nintendo as a kid. He strolled over to me with a big smile,reachedout,andsaid,“Hi,I’mBoJackson.”

I laughed and said, “Hi, I’m ToddHerman. I knowwho you are, Bo. I’dprobablyloseallcredibilityifIworkedinsportsanddidn’tknowtheonlytwo-sport all-star in the pros. Plus, you helped me win a lot of games on TecmoBowl!”

He chuckled and said, “Yeah, you’re not the first to say that.And thanks.Areyouspeakingtoday,too?”

“Yeah.I’mupnext.ButmaybeIjustgotbumpedforyou.”Ilaughed.“No,you’regood. I justcameearly toseea friend,”hesaid.“Sowhatare

yougonnatalkabout?”“I’m going to talk about the mental game, but, specifically, I’m going to

sharewitheveryonehow touseAlterEgosandSecret Identities toperformatyourbest.”

Immediately,hecockedhisheadtothesideslightly,squintedhiseyesasifsomeonehad just struckadeepchord insidehim,and thensmirked.Heshookhis head.After a few seconds, he said in a hushed, serious tone, “Bo Jacksonneverplayedadownoffootballinhisentirelife.”

Ifyoudon’tknowBoJackson,he’stheonlyathleteinthebigfourofmajorNorthAmericansportstobeanall-starintwoofthem,MajorLeagueBaseballandtheNationalFootballLeague.Hewasaphenomwhotranscendedsportsinthe1980sand,forasport-lovingkidlikeme,asuperhero.

MyeyeswidenedasIsmiledandsaid,“Ooookaayyy...interesting.Tellmemore.”

Bowentontoexplainhowasayoungsterhehadchallengescontaininghisemotionsandwouldgetintoalotoftroublebecauseofhisanger.Often,he’dgetcaught up in the competition, and he’d retaliate against even the smallest

perceivedslights,causinghimtogethitwithunnecessarypenalties.Oneday,though,ashewaswatchingamovie,hebecamefascinatedbythe

unemotional,cold,andrelentlessnatureofJason.Doesthenameringabell?Jasonwasthehockeymask–wearingkillerintheFridaythe13thmovies.At thatmoment—during themovie—heresolved tostopbeingBoJackson

andstartbeingJasononthefootballfield,leavingtheuncontrollablerageonthesidelines.

Bo went on to explain how Jason only lived on the field. And when hewalkedoutofthelockerroomandreachedthefootballfield,Jasonwouldenterhisbodyandtakeover.Suddenlythehotheaded,penalty-prone,easy-to-provokeBoJacksontransformedintoarelentless,cold,anddisciplineddestroyeronthefootballfield.

Channelinga“different”identityhelpedhimfocuseveryounceofhistalentandskill,andenabledhimtoshowuponthefield,withoutanyemotionalissuesinterferingwithhisperformance.

Itwashis“phoneboothmoment.”JustlikeClarkKentwouldsometimesgointoaphoneboothtotransformintoSuperman,BoJacksondidthesamethingwhen he transformed into hisAlterEgo, Jason.Except he didn’t have to dealwith annoying space issues like Superman explained in a 1942 comic: “Thisdefinitelyisn’tthemostcomfortableplaceintheworldtoswitchgarments,butI’vegottochangeidentities—andinahurry!”

While it’safunnyquote, there’ssomethingembeddedinhisstatement thatrevealsthetransformationalnatureoftheAlterEgoEffect.

WHO’STHEALTEREGO?

I’vealwaysbeenfascinatedbycomics,comicbookheroes,andtheworldstheylivein.Theoriginstories,thevillains,andtheepicbattlesalwaysfoundawaytodrawme into theirworlds.Asakid, I loved theChristopherReeveSupermanmovies.Todaypeoplemightlaughat those1980sproductionscomparedtotheepicrebirthofsuperheromovieshappeningnow,butbackintheday,theywereawesome.Now,here’sariddleforyou:

EveryoneknowsthatSupermanandClarkKentarethesame.Butwhichoneisthealterego?

I’veaskedthisquestionforthepastfifteenyears,countlesstimesinfrontofaudiences around theworld, and 90 percent of the audience immediately yellout,“SUPERMAN!”

It sounds right. Because when you think of “alter egos,” you think of

superpowers, heroism, and epic battles. All the qualities of a superhero likeSuperman.

Except—it’swrong.Thealteregoisn’tSuperman;it’sClarkKent.Supermanis therealperson.

Hecreatedthealterego,mild-manneredreporterClarkKent,asausefulpersonatogounnoticedday-to-dayonearthandblendintohelphimachieveacrucialgoal:understandinghumans.

SupermanwouldflipbetweenhisalteregoandtheSonhischestatpreciselythemomentswhenheneededeachpersonathemost.

Whydoesthismatter?Because,frankly,lifeishard.Therearealotofdifferentresponsibilitieswe

allcarryonourshoulders.Therearealotofdifferentrolesweplayinlife.Andthere are the constant forces of society—religion, families, teammates,coworkers,friends,andothers—thatleadustoactacertainway.Thesecomeintheformofexpectations,rules,andjudgmentsabouthowwe’resupposedtoact.Whatwe’reallowedtopursue.Whatweshouldhave.Whatweshouldbelieve.

AllofthisandmorecreateswhatIcalltheTrappedSelf,whichwe’llrevealmoreofinchapter3.ThisTrappedSelfisthepartofyouthatdoesn’tfeellikeit’sshowingupinlifelikeyouwant,avoidingcertainthingsorfeelingpressuredtoactinacertainway.

Conversely, there’s another experiencewehave in life,wherewe feel likeourHeroicSelf.It’sthatpartofyouthatfeelslikeyou’redoingwhatyouwant,doingitforyourownreasons,andyougetcaughtupintheflowoftheactivity.And it turns out there’s fascinating research on the subject that explains thebenefitsofAlterEgos.

When you find yourself bored, anxious, angry, jealous, resistant,overwhelmed, or fearful, you can’t reasonyourself out of it. It’s like amousetryingtodirectaherdoframpagingelephants.Youcan’tlogicyourwayoutofanunconsciousproblem.Ifyourgutistellingyoutoavoidit,you’llavoidit.Butyou can use that same unconscious power, tap into the mysteries of yourimagination,and,withalittlepractice,changewhosegutyou’rechecking.And,luckyforus,researchandscienceshowusit’sabetterapproach.

THEFIFTEEN-YEAR-OLDANDTHE4:35A.M.TRAINTONEWYORK

Anthonywasabasketballplayer atoneof thebestprep schools in theUnitedStates,withoff-the-chartskills.Duringpractice,he’dschoolhisteammatesone-

on-one.Scoutsfromallthetopcollegeswererecruitinghim,andpeoplehadhimpegged as a possible pro baller one day—IF. If he would show more poiseduringcrunchtimeandbelieveinhisabilitiesmore.

Anthonygrewupinalow-incomeareaofWashington,D.C.,withoutamomordad.Theybothpassedaway inacaraccidentwhenhewaseightyearsold.His grandma took on the responsibility of raising him andwas doing a damngoodjobunderthecircumstances.Asayoungster,Anthonyspenteverysecondhe could find taking refuge on the basketball court, dribbling, shooting, andjumping.

He continued to develop, and soon scouts from all the top colleges wererecruitinghim.Peoplehadhimpeggedasapossiblepro-balleroneday—IF.Ifhe would “get his head screwed on straight.” For all of Anthony’s skills andabilities,therewasjustoneproblem.Whenthegamewasontheline,insteadofdrivinghardtothehooporgettingthedefenderonhisheelsandthenpullingupfastandfiringajumpshot,he’dpasstheball.He’dletateammatetaketheshot,orchoke.Anditwasgettingworse.

Anthonyhadalltheskillintheworldtoseizetheopportunity.Buthe’dhideduringwhatwe callMoments of Impact, those criticalmoments that define alargepartofoursuccess.ForAnthony,hegotcaughtupinworryingaboutthecriticismmorethanhewantedtheadulation.ThemorethespotlightwasplacedonAnthony,themoreheshrankfromitsglare.

It wasn’t until his coach, in a fit of frustration, yelled at Anthony duringpracticeonedaythathesawtheanswer.“Dammit,Anthony,ifyoucouldonlybemorelikeJames,we’dbeunstoppable!”Hismindfiredoffamemoryofanemailhe’dreadonceaboutathleteswhousedAlterEgosonthecourt.Whenhegot back home, he searched for the email. Then he did the thing that wouldterrifyanyparent,letalonehisgrandma.

Attheageoffifteen,hesnuckoutofhishouse,wentdowntoUnionStationinWashington,D.C.,at4a.m.,andcaughtthe4:35AmtraktraintoNewYorkCity.

In2011,IspentmostofmymorningsworkingfromtheReebokSportsClubontheUpperWestSideofManhattan.Itwasabeautifulclubwithsixlevelsandeveryamenityyoucouldimagine.It’salsofamousforbeingacelebrityhaven,becausethey’dbeleftalonetoworkout,peoplelikeChrisRock,RegisPhilbin,Dwayne Johnson,Will Smith,Diane Sawyer,Ben Stiller, andmany others. ItwasalsowhereNBAteamswouldcomeandpracticebeforegamesatMadisonSquareGarden.Ihadaroutineofalwaysarrivingataround8:45andworkingintheprivatecafeformembers.ThenI’dgetinaworkoutbeforelunch.

Oneday,asIwalkedintothelobbyarea,thefrontdeskstaffwavedmeover

as soonas Igotoutof the elevators.They toldme that theyoungman sittingover in the waiting area had come all the way up from D.C. to see me thismorning.Theysaid,“Hecameuphere toseeyouandgethelpwithhisgame.Thisfreakin’kidisdedicated!”

IwalkedovertoAnthonyandintroducedmyself,whilehejumpedoutofhischairtoshakemyhand.“Mr.Herman,it’sapleasuretomeetyou.IhopeI’mnotbeingaproblem,butIneedyourhelp.”

Ibroughthimintothecafe,wherewegrabbedsomebreakfastandsatdownatatable.Iaskedhim,“First,howtheheckdidyouknowtocomehere?Second,doyourparentsknowyou’rehere?”

“Youmentioneditinoneofyouremailnewsletters,”hesaid,“thatyoucomehereinthemornings,soIthoughtI’dtakeashot.And,no,mygrandmadoesn’tknow. I snuck out of the house at 4 a.m., but she wouldn’t know anyway,becauseIleaveearlyinthemorningforschoolbeforeshe’sup.”

“Okay, well, first things first, you need to call your grandma and let herknowwhereyou’reatandthatyou’resafe.”

AfterwegotthroughthelogisticsofhisescapefromD.C.andIreassuredhisgrandma I’d make sure he got home safe, we talked about his situation. Heexplainedwhatwasgoingonandthatthemorepressurehewasfeelingandthemorepeoplewerewatchinghim,themorehewasoverthinkingthings.Hetalkedabouttheanxietyandhowhefelt,saying,“There’sawargoingoninmyhead.

“Ireallywantthis,butI’msoworriedaboutwhateveryonethinksofmeandmakingamistake.”

Now,I’mnotatherapist.Idon’tdotherapy,andI’mterriblyunqualifiedtodothatkindofwork.Iworkonthementalgameanddevelopingstrategiesforhigh performance. However, there’s a simple framework I always use todiagnosetherootofsomeone’sproblem,whichI’llwalkyouthroughinchapter3.Itdidn’ttakelongtofigureoutAnthony’sissue.

“SowhydidyoucomeallthewayuptoNewYork,justtoseeme?”Iasked.“BecauseCoachsaidsomethingtomethatmademerememberoneofyour

emailsaboutthesidelinesoflife.AndhowmanygreatathletesuseAlterEgostohelpthemperformbetterandleavepartsofthemselvesonthesidelines.Becausesometimes parts of their personality could be hurting their performance. AndwhenCoachtoldmeto‘bemorelikeJames,’Ithoughtofyou.”

“Well, that’s great, but why didn’t you emailme, instead of stressing outyourgrandma?”

“You always say, if you want something, go get it. And if you wantsomethingfaster,gogetitwithagreatmentor.IrememberyoutalkedabouthowyoutraveledallthewayfromCanadatoNorthCarolinatomeetamentoronce

tospendweekswithhimandthatitwasoneofthepivotalmomentsofyourlife.So I thought, I should do the same. But just so you know, I don’t have anymoneytopayyou.”

I fell in lovewith thiskid.ChrisRockeven stopped togivehimwordsofencouragement when he was waiting for me. The staff told Chris what he’ddone.

Over thenextcoupleofhours, Ipeeledbacktheoniononhisgame,and itwasapparentthatthespotlighthewasshunninghadnothingtodowiththecourt.Ithadeverythingtodowiththepainhe’dfeltwhenhisparentspassedaway.Inthe aftermath, he’d had different people showering him with attention, evenfightingoverwhoshouldhavehimand the insurancemoney.Allhe’dwantedwastobeleftalone.

Nowthespotlightwasbackon,andAnthonywasfeelingthesamethingalloveragain.

LikeIsaid,Idon’tdotherapy,andIwasn’tabouttostart.Isuggestedhetalktohisschoolcounselorsorgrandmaaboutgettingsomehelp,because“agreattherapistcanhelpunravelthefriedwiresinyourhead.Butfornow,let’sleaveAnthonyonthesidelinesandcreateanAlterEgoyoucantakeonthecourtandgetbacktodominating.”

IwalkedAnthonythroughtheprocessofcreatinghisAlterEgoforhisFieldof Play, the basketball court.Andwhenwe got to the point of unpacking thepeople, characters, things, or animals he’d love to embody, he said, “A blackpanther.Theycomeoutofnowhere,they’requicktostrike,andthey’refluid.IwatchedthisNationalGeographicshowonthemonce,andthewaytheymovedwasjustsocool.Plus,theycanjumptwentyfeet!Andtheyhavethiscoolname,‘ghostoftheforest.’”

WatchinghimdescribehisAlterEgo—hell,Igotexcited.ThenextstepwastogivehisAlterEgoaname.Webrainstormedabunchofdifferentnamesinmynotebook:

TheBlackPantherPantherXAnthonyStealth

NothingwaspoppingforhimuntilIsuggestedanamethatmadehimcomealive,“theBlackGhost.”I’llneverforget.Thekidsatbackinhischair,raisedhishandsbehindhishead,lookedup,andsaid,“IamtheBlackGhost,andI’mgoingtobringMomandDadontothecourtwithmeandhaunteveryone.”

WhatAnthonydidwassomethingprofound,andwhatIwanttohelpyoudo,

too, throughout the book. I left out of Anthony’s transformation somethingcrucialtobuildinganAlterEgothatworksforyou.

Now,whether you have some old trauma that’s somehow interferingwithyourdesires,oryou’vetoldyourselfastoryaboutwhatyoucanorcan’tdo,orthere’ssomeundefinedresistanceholdingyoubackfrompursuingsomething,Iwanttotellyouthere’saHeroicSelfwaitingtogetunlocked,andthatanAlterEgoorSecretIdentityisthekeytoActivatingit.

WhenyouseehowanAlterEgofitsintothehumancondition,thedifferentrolesweplayinlife,andtheFieldsofPlaywestandon,itgivesyouthefreedomtounlockacreativeforce.WhenyouseehowanAlterEgohelpsyoubattlethenatural challenges we all face with greater optimism, it can unlock a moreplayfulandempoweringapproachtoovercomingfear.Andwhenyouseeit’sanatural part of being human, has been used by tens of thousands of people toachievegoalsbothbigorsmall,andisthemost“realyou”youcouldbe—itwillunlockhiddencapabilitiesyoudidn’tknowwerethere.

BeforeIgoanyfurther,Ineedtomakeaquickdisclaimer,becauseIdon’twanttomisleadyouwiththatlastparagraph.

Thisisn’tamotivationalrah-rahbookfilledwithcotton-candyideaspluckedfromothercotton-candyself-helpbooksthatriddlethebookshelfande-readers.Thisisn’tabookwithan“easybutton”buriedinsideit.Thereisnotreasuremaptoapileofgoldcoins.

Thisbookisforrealpeopledoinghardthings.Thisisn’tabooktoremovethechallengeof life. It’s to take thepartofyou that showsupwhenyou leastexpectit,andshowyouhowtogetittoshowupwhenyoumostneedit.

Your imagination can build Extraordinary Worlds and Ordinary Worlds.You’vealreadybeendoingthis.Andhere’sareminderthatplayfulnessdoesn’tstopateightyearsofage;it’sapathwaytohandlinglifewithmoregrace.

Bottomlineone:Ifyou’vegotambition,welcometothetribe.Bottomlinetwo:Ifyou’resomeonewhowantstoargueforyourlimitations,

wait until everything is “perfect,” or cowardly troll the ambitions of others,well...I’llleaveyoutodecidewhattodo.

THEFINALGOAL

I’vedevotedthelasttwodecadestoansweringonesimplequestion:HowcanIhelptheambitiouspeopleIservetakethecapabilitiesalreadynestedinsideanduse them to perform at peak levels, consistently? Having built a peakperformanceandsportssciencepracticeoverthepasttwodecades,andcoaching

some of the world’s Olympic and professional athletes, top business leaders,entrepreneurs,andentertainers,I’vebeenfacedwithsituationslike:

How do I help the pro tennis star win championships instead of losingmatchesbecausesheletsheropponentscomefrombehind?

HowdoIhelptheMajorLeagueBaseballpitcherstandonthemoundbeforeacrowdoffortythousandscreamingfansandleadhisteamtoaplayoffvictoryinsteadofchokingandlettingbattersknockhimaround?

HowdoIgetthesalesexecutivetoclosemoredealssohiscompanygrowsandhegetspromoted?

HowdoIhelptheentrepreneurproudlymarketherservicesinsteadoflettinghernewventurebarelyscrapeby?

How do I help the hard-chargingmanager or VP become a calmer, morecontrolled,andbetterleaderorcoachwithdirectreports?

HowdoIhelptheparentstrugglingtojugglethedemandsoflifeandworkbemoreattentive,loving,andfunathome?

Howdo I help theBroadway star slip into her flow state faster instead offeelingtheterrorandnervesofperformingbeforeliveaudiences?

TheanswertothosequestionswasandisanAlterEgo.Backinthegreenroom,BoandItalkedabouttheconceptofAlterEgos,the

other athletes using them, the process I’d usewith clients, and that people inbusinessandeverydaylifeusedthemtoachievevariousthings.ForBo,creatinganAlterEgowas somethinghe stumbledonnaturally.He thoughthewas theonlyonetouseit.

For decadeswe’vebeen ignoring thebread crumbs and signs fromhistorythattheAlterEgoisanaturalpartofthehumancondition,andthisbookisaboutchangingthat.

I’vewaited fifteen years towriteThe Alter Ego Effect, andmy goal is toteachyou the samemethod I’ve taughtmyclients for almost twentyyears, soyou can use one ormany to overcome feats both big and small. I’mgoing toshowyouhowtoActivateyourHeroicSelf—yourinnerWonderWoman,DalaiLama, Black Panther, Oprah, orMr. Rogers—drawing forth the full range ofyourcapabilities,skills,beliefs,andtraits,soyouseewhatyou’retrulymadeof.I’m also going to share with you the science behind why this method is soeffective and share the stories of Olympians, business professionals, moms,entertainers, authors, children, and myself, who have all used it to overcomechallenges.

Iuseditanduseitstill,andthere’sareasonwhyapairofglassesisonthe

cover...butwhosearethey?

Chapter2

TheOriginofAlterEgos

ShepGordonisknownastheSupermensch.He’satalentmanager,Hollywoodfilm agent, and producer. GQ called him the “Unfamous Man Who MadeEveryoneFamous.”Shepplayed apivotal role in the careersof JimiHendrix,Alice Cooper, Teddy Pendergrass, Luther Vandross, Raquel Welch, andGrouchoMarx.Shepiswhatyoucouldcall“old-school.”Heneverhascontractswithhisclients.Everythingisdonewithahandshakeandeveryone“inthebiz”knows:ifhesaysitwillhappen,itwillhappen.

Shepisthepersonresponsibleforthecelebritychefworldweliveintoday—he literally invented the market. Emeril Lagasse, Daniel Boulud, WolfgangPuck,andmorewouldbeunknowntothegeneralpublicifitweren’tforShep.ActoranddirectorMikeMyersevenproducedadocumentaryonhislife,aptlytitledSupermensch:TheLegendofShepGordon.

Ihappened tomeetShepatoneof theworld’spremierevents forcreators,entrepreneurs,andartists,MastermindTalks,hostedbyJaysonGaignard.Shepisoneof thegreatest storytellersyoucouldevermeet.His stories aboutAliceCooperarebothrichandhilarious,thoughitdoesn’thurtthathehassomeofthemosticonicmaterialtoworkwith.

WhileIwassittingintheaudienceof150people,listeningtoSheprecounthistalesasascrappyHollywoodsuperagent,someoneaskedhimhowhehelpedthe “high performers” he worked with “find that extra gear” and continue toperformatahighlevel.

ShepGordon’sresponsewashonest,poignant,andprofound:

Ithinkeachoneisvery,verydifferent.Ithinkthere’sjustonegeneralrulethatIusedtotryandgivetoeveryartist,whethertheywerechefsortheywereentertainers.It’sthatifyouallowthepublicfiguretoactuallybeyou,you’renevergoingtobehappy.Andyou’renevergoingtobeconfident,becauseifyoutakethetraitsofwhoyouareanddevelopthatintoacharacterthatyouunderstand, you’ll always know what that character should do, so when you’re in a pressconference,youalwaysknowhowtoansweraquestion.If it’s you personally, you never have the answers. It’s really tough, and when you take it

personally, that’swhenyoustartscarring.Ifabadreviewisabout thatperson,youchangethatperson.Ifabadreviewisaboutyou,sometimesthatwoundcanbeverydeep.So,Idon’tthink

youcangeneralize,butifthere’sanygenerality,Iwouldsay,it’sifsomeonewho’sinthepubliceyecanunderstandthatpeoplearen’tlovingyou,they’relovingthatcharacterthat’sbeenputinfrontof them.Evenfrommymovie, Igetpeoplecomeup tome,“You’re thegreatest.You’reunbelievable.”Theydon’t knowme.Theyknow thatguy.So, if youcankeep thatdistance inyourownbrain,it’smuchhealthier.

Aboutfifteenpeopleintheaudiencewhoknewmyworklookedoveratmeimmediately. Some had dropped their jaws in amazement. Some grinned andwinked.AndJayson,conducting the interviewfromthestage, foundmein thecrowd and shook his head with an “OMG, you’ve been talking about thisforever!”lookinhiseyes.

(Ifyou’dliketowatchtheclip,gotoAlterEgoEffect.com/shep.)Afterward,ShepandIdiscussedtheconceptmoreandhowitwassomething

far more universal than just a celebrity, entertainer, or athlete using it whileunderthespotlightofastageorfield.

AnAlterEgoisausefultooltohelpyou,me,andothershandletheadversityoflifewithmoreresiliency.Exploreourcreativesides,whileprotectingafragileself.Befarmoreintentionalaboutwhowe’retryingtobeontheFieldsofPlay.It’snotonlybackedbythethousandsofpeoplewhohaveusedAlterEgos,but,more specifically, the system I’ve created over the past two decades is alsobackedbyresearchandthesuccessstoriesofnumerouspeopleyou’llreadaboutinthechapterstocome.

THEROOTS

The first-century BC Roman statesman and philosopher Cicero was the firstdocumented person to talk about the Alter Ego, in his philosophical works,althoughthetermheusedwas“asecondself,atrustedfriend.”1

ItsactualLatinmeaningis“theotherI.”Theseareallimportantdistinctionsbecausetheconcepthasbeenaroundfor

centuries. And when you look at the roots from which the idea was shared,“trustedfriend”or“theotherI,”they’reextremelyhealthyterms.AndifCicerowerealivetoday,he’dadmithewassimplygivingformtoanaturallyoccurringpart of the human condition. Just as I didn’t inventAlterEgos,Cicero didn’t,either.TheonlythingI’vedoneiscreateasystemforbuildingoneandgiveyouaframeworktoactivateitstremendousbenefits,theAlterEgoEffect.Andyou’llsee throughout the book the way people have used it for any number ofpurposes.

IfirststumbledontothepowerofAlterEgosasateenager,growingupona

six-thousand-acreranchinasmallfarmingcommunityinAlberta,Canada.Iwasanoutgoing,ultracompetitive,andsports-lovingkid.Iwouldchallengemyolderbrothers,RossandRyan,toanything.I’dlosemostofthetime,butIknewthatsomedayI’dbeabletobeatthem,andthatwhenithappened,I’dneverletthemheartheendofit.

Sportsweremyrefuge.Becauseunderneaththecocky,competitivekidwasaterriblyinsecureandworrisomekid.Mymindwasalwaysrollingoverwhetherpeople liked me, how to win people over, or how to impress them. When Iplayedsports,allofthatwentawayandmycompetitivespirittookover.

Therewasjustonecatch:Icouldn’tcontrolmyemotions.When I was fourteen, my tiny rural school of Schuler was playing in a

volleyballtournamentinGoldenPrairie,Saskatchewan.Duringthetournament,aplayeracrossthenetwasdrivingmenuts.Everytimehewenttospiketheballor jumpforablock,hepurposelykickedouthis foot, trying tokickme in thegroin.

Thefirsttime,Iletitslide,becauseIthoughtitwasanaccident.Buthekeptatit.Icomplainedtotherefs,butitwasobvioustheyweren’tgoingtocallafoulonthehometeam.Asthegamewentonhestartedgettingmoreandmorebrash.Finally, after a solid kick to my groin, I erupted.When his feet touched theground, I reached through thenet,grabbedhisshirt,pulledhimin,cockedmyfist like a loaded pistol, and smashed him in the face through the net. Hecrumpled.

The place went crazy. Or about as crazy as a junior high volleyballtournament can get.Whistles started blowing, players and coaches rushed thefloor,andmyteammateslookedatmelike,Whatthehelljusthappened?

Laterthatday—afterI’dbeenthrownoutofthetournament—mycoach,Mr.Henderson,satmedownforaheart-to-heart.Hereamedmeoutforfightingandformakingtheschoollookbad.

Hehadwantedtotalktomeforawhileaboutmysportsmanship,butagoodol’fightfinallytippedthecan.HetoldmeIneededtodrasticallyoverhaulmyattitude.Mr.HendersonknewIhadaspirationstoplaycollegefootballoneday,but he told me, “Todd, you’re hard to coach because you’re a know-it-all.Nobodylikesplayingwithyou,becauseyoujustyellatthemformistakes.Andunlessyouturnthingsaround,you’regoingtomakeitalotharderthanyouneedto,togettowhereyouwanttogo.”

Mr.HendersonwasoneofmanymentorsI’vehadinlife.Somecouldreadthatandthinkhewasbeingharsh.WewerecloseandIrespectedhim.Butthatdidn’tmeanIdidn’targueback.BecauseIdid.

Likeanygreat coach,hedidn’t leaveme in aplace to figure it outonmy

own.“Ifyouwanttoachievethegoalsyouhave,thenyouneedtomasterwhat’shappening inside of you,” he told me. “When you get to school on Mondaythere’sabookinthelibraryIwantyoutogetandread.”

IdidasIwastoldandMondayIgrabbedthebookfromthelibrary.Frankly,itwasterrible.However,therewasonegoodthingthatcameoutofit,anditwassomethingtheauthormentionedregardingthemind.Ittappedintomycuriositytolearnmore,andIbegantostudytheinnergame,mentaltoughness,meditation(whichbackthenwasstillpretty“woowoo”),andhowtogetintothezone.

ANOTHERVERSIONOFME

Back in 1877, legendary Native American chief Sitting Bull fled across theborderintoCanadaaftertheBattleoftheLittleBighornandthedeathofColonelGeorgeArmstrongCuster.WhenthenativesenteredCanada,theyweremetbyRoyalCanadianMountedPoliceandgrantedrefugefromtheU.S.Army.SittingBull stayed in the area for four years, brokering peace dealswith other tribesuntil finally returning to theUnitedStatesandsurrendering.Myfamily’s farmisn’t far from where they entered Canada and where they ultimately hunted,gathered,andlived.

Whilethishasnothingtodowithvolleyballoutbursts, itdoeshavealot todo with the rest of this book and helping you find a source of inspiration tounlockaHeroicSelf.

GrowinguponthefarmanddoingwhateverjobDadneededustodomeantwe were constantly digging, pulling, and navigating the large swath of openprairie.Whileoutonour tasks for theday,we’dcomeacrossold“fire rings,”placeswherenativescamped for thenight, and I’dalwaysdigaround them toseeifIcouldfindanyarrowheadsorotherartifacts.

Because of the rich history of the area, I became extremely interested inNativeAmerican culture.One daywhile lying on the sofa reading up onwardances,aceremonywherea smallgroupofnativeswoulddancearounda firering, chanting, I learned the purpose was to “gather as one” and channel thespiritstohelpthemintheirquest.

Suddenly it clicked. I put the book down on my chest and visualizedchannelingatribeofwarriorstotakeoutontothefieldwithme.Ifeltsupported,focused,anddependedupon.Theideagavemeanincrediblesenseofcalmandpurpose.

The next time I stepped onto the football field, I went out as a tribe ofwarriors. I was a scrawny but fast little kid, and I wanted to play withmore

power.Itseemedtohelpkeepmefocused,butIwantedsomethingmore.So,Ithought about channeling players I admired, people like Walter Payton, thephenomenal running back for the Chicago Bears, and Ronnie Lott, thedevastatingdefensiveplayerfortheSanFrancisco49ers.Beforefootballgames,IwouldtakefiveofPayton’sandLott’stradingcardsandstrategicallyslipthemintomyuniform.IwouldputoneofPayton’scardsinsidemyhelmet,andoneoneachofmythighpads,imaginingthatIwouldrunandseethefieldjustlikehim.ThenIwouldtakeLott’stradingcardsandsliponeintoeachshoulderpad,imagining that I could unleash devastating hits and tackles just like he did. ItapedeverythingdownandwouldgoonthefieldasmyFrankenstein-likeAlterEgo.Itwaspatchedtogetherfromafewdifferentsources,butitworked.

Asaresult,Iplayedwaybiggerthanmyscrawnysize.Intheend,Ireachedmygoalandplayedcollegefootball.

It didn’t solve all my problems by any stretch, because I still dealt withproblemsatschoolandinmypersonallife,butonthatFieldofPlayIleftthoseproblemsonthesidelinesandsteppedintothebestversionofmyselfsoIcouldcompete.LikeShepmentioned,theAlterEgobecameashieldformyCoreSelfandgavemeaclearimageofwhoneededtoperformonthatfieldtowin.

THEMYSTERIESOFTHEMIND

Beloved British actor RowanAtkinson, famous for his character “Mr. Bean,”wasbulliedforhisstutteringthroughouthisschoolyears.

AsheprogressedthroughschoolandeventuallyearnedanMScinelectricalengineeringfromOxfordUniversity,hediscoveredsomethingprofound.Whileinschool,theboywhooverarticulatedandstuttereddevelopedaninterestinthedramaticarts.

In theAugust23,2007, issueofTimemagazine,Atkinsonwasasked ifhestill stuttered. He simply replied, “It comes and goes. I find when I play acharacter other than myself, the stammering disappears. That may have beensomeoftheinspirationforpursuingthecareerIdid.”

Atkinson’s experience highlights a fascinating aspect of the humancondition: we don’t know everything there is to know about how the brainworks.We’re stillworkingonmapping the “undiscoveredcountry.”However,wedoknowthatourimaginationsareanincredibleforcetocreatenewworldsandnewpossibilities if usedwith intention. Inother stories I’ll share, athleteshavealteredaspectsoftheirphysicalperformancebytappinginto“anotherself.”Thishashappeneddespite thefact theirparentshadspent thousandsofdollars

onskilltrainingthatcouldn’tfixtheproblems.It’samysteryofthemind...buttherearesometheoriesonwhyithappens.

DIFFERENTPLACE.DIFFERENTTIME.SAMEMETHOD.ANDJONIJACQUES.

Flashforward tomyearly twenties,andIagainreturned to thisconceptof theAlterEgo,althoughthatwasn’twhatIcalleditat thetime.Ihadjuststartedasports training business in my spare time. I was having success through thereferrals Iwas getting, but itwasn’t enough to sustain it. I knew I could helppeople,buttoactuallygetoutthereandmarketmyselftiedmeupinside.IwasinsecureabouthowyoungIwasandworriednoonewould takemeseriously.Afterall,youneedtobeatleastfortytobetakenseriously.(ThatwasactuallyaruleIhadinmyhead,thatfortyequalsrespect.Don’taskmehowitgotthere,becauseitwasabsurd.)Itdidn’thelpthatIthoughtIlookedlikeIwastwelve.

Oneafternoon,whileIwas“self-suppressing,”whichmeansavoidingdoingtheworkIwassupposedto,IwatchedanepisodeofOprahthatchangedmylife.Thatlastsentenceisacliché,butclichésareclichésbecausethey’retrue.Itwas1997andJoniJacquessharedwiththeaudiencehowshehadpurchasedapairofOprah’sshoesduringacharitysale,anditchangedherlife.Shesaid,“Iboughttheshoes,andIreallylovedthem,andIkepttheminmybedroom.AndwhenIgot really, really depressed, and I couldn’t find anybody to talk to, I took theshoesoutand—”2

Oprahcutin,“Stoodinmyshoes.Shewouldstandinmyshoes,andnowshesaysshedoesn’thave tostand in theshoesasmuchbecauseshe’sstandingonherown.”

LaterJonisharedthat“theweightoftheworldjustdroppedoff.Lifetotallychangedthatday.”

Alightbulbwentoffatthatmoment,andIrememberedtheAlterEgoI’duseon the sports field. Joni hadmade something pop. For some reason, it hadn’toccurredtometouseitinbusiness,butintheend,thatworldwasjustanotherfieldtoperformon.

JustasJoniusedapairofshoestofeelmoreconfident,Iknewimmediatelywhat I was going to use to step into a better version of myself in business.Growingup,all thesmartpeopleIknewworeglasses.Whenwe’reyoung,weestablishbeliefsandattitudesabouttheworldaroundusthatshapeourthoughtsandbehaviors.Ihadcometoequatebeingtakenseriouslyandbeingsmartwithwearingglasses.

SoI thought,What if Iworeglasses?I figured—asabsurdas itsounds—itwas worth a try. I thought people looked smart and serious while wearingglasses,soperhapsprospectiveclientswouldthinkso,too.Infact,avarietyofstudies have found that people wearing glasses are perceived as honest,industrious, smarter, and more dependable.3 Even defense lawyers ask theirclients to wear glasses at trial. Lawyer Harvey Slovis explained toNew Yorkmagazine: “Glasses soften their appearance so that they don’t look capable ofcommittingacrime.I’vetriedcaseswherethere’sbeenatremendousamountofevidence,butmyclientworeglassesandgotacquitted.Theglassescreateakindofunspokennerddefense.”4

Italsoturnsoutoneofthemostrespectedmenofthetwentiethcenturyandaleaderofmillionsworeglasseswhenhedidn’tneedto.

Martin LutherKing Jr.wore glasses because he felt they “made him lookmoredistinguished.”5

Theglasseson thecoverof thisbook looka little likeClarkKent’s,andalittlelikemine.However,tome,thoseglassesareDr.King’s.They’remeanttobeasignalandreminder thatGreatPeoplehaveusedelementsof thisconceptwith purpose, and it’smade a huge difference for everyone. Someone readingthis,maybeyou,couldbeaharbingerofchangeandunlockapartofyourselfandmakesomethinggreathappen.

Inanupcomingchapter,I’llsharethepowerfulsciencebehindwhatIcalla“Totem”or“Artifact,”to“Activate”yourAlterEgo.

AfterwatchingJoni’sstory,feelinginspired,Iracedtotheeyeglassstoreandboughtapairofprescription-freeglasses,muchtothebewildermentofthestaff.“You’resureyouwanttobuyglasseswithoutaprescription?”theclerkasked.

“Yes,please.”“Butyouhaveperfectvision.Whywouldyouwantapairofglasses?”“BecauseI’mweird,okay?CanIjustgettheglasses,please?”Thiswaslongbeforeglassesbecameafashionitemliketheyaretoday.IstartedwearingthemwhenIdealtwithprospectiveclients.JustlikeIused

my persona on the sports field. I now transformed into Richard. (Richard isactuallymyfirstname,butIhadalwaysgonebyToddandstilldotoday.)IputtheglassesononlywhenIneededtobeRichard,andItookthemoffassoonasbusinesswasover.

APATTERNEMERGES

IspentyearsworkingwithathletesbeforeIrealizedthatwhatIhadusedtogive

me an edge and to level up my performance was actually something otherathletesused, too.Iwasspeakingwithoneofmycoachingclients,aswimmerwithhereyeonsecuringaspotontheOlympicswimteam,whenshementionedhowshebecameadifferentversionofherselfassoonasshedoveintothepool.

There was something about her comment that made me pause and think,That’s interesting. There was something about what she said that dislodgedother,eerilysimilarcommentsthatotherathleteshadsaidtomeovertheyears.Untilthispoint,Ihadn’tnoticedorpaidattention.Ikeepdetailednotesonallmyclients,soaftershementionedthis“differentversion”ofherselftome,Ipawedthrougholdnotepadsandcomputerfileslookingforothersimilarstatements.

Tomysurprise,Ididn’tjustfindoneortwoathleteswhosaidsimilarthings.Ifoundmany.

Theydidn’tcallitanAlterEgo,aSecretIdentity,oranyothername.Somewouldcallit“adifferentversionofmyself,”liketheOlympic-hopefulswimmer.Others said they would pretend to be someone from comics or movies, likeWolverine.Alotofathletesmentionedcomicbookorsuperherocharacters,orsportsheroes,asthepersontheyimaginedthemselvestobe.

NowthatIhadnoticedthepattern,wheneveraclientmentionedtheywouldstep intoadifferentversionof themselves, Iwouldaskwhat sortofprop theywoulduse.IfiguredthatsinceIusedtradingcardsandeyeglasses,otherpeoplecouldusesomethingsimilar tohelpthisotherversionof themselvescomeout,too.Myhunchwasright.Manyathleteshadsomethingtheyused.

Itwasn’tenoughformetonoticethepattern.IwantedawaytousewhatIhadfoundtohelpotherathletes.

ANEWWAY

Athletes often struggle with feelings of judgment, worry, and criticism. Theirinner critic is the reason many players don’t take the last shot to tie thebasketballgame,whytheystrikeoutwithrunnersonsecondandthirdwiththescoretied,orwhytheymisstheputttotakethelead.Somethinggetsintheway.

Thereareanyoneofanumberoftoolsinthe“innergame”toolkitwecanuse tohelpsomeoneperformto theircapabilities.Someof themare long-termstrategies:

MeditationBetterinstructionRelaxationandbreathingcontrol

ImageryandvisualizationSkilldevelopmentRoutinedevelopmentGoal-settingInsomecases,eventherapy

Iusedthemwhileworkingwithclients.However,whenIwasbeingcalledon a Thursday to help someone who had an important competition on aSaturday,Ineededmorethanjustlong-termstrategies.Ineededtohelpsomeonenow.

Someof thestrategiesalreadylistedcouldbeused ina tight timewindow,but I found that only one delivered consistent results, time after time. That iswhyit’sbeenapillarstrategy,andwhyIhappentobeknownasthe“AlterEgoguy”inprosports.

NowthatI’mtwodecadesintomycareer,Ihavesharedthestrategybeyondthesportsandentertainmentworld.I’veseenpeopleusetheAlterEgoEffecttosecure funding for their start-ups, become better parents, launch new onlinebusinesses,writebooks,andpursuegoalsthey’dbeensittingonforyears.

I’ve talkedabout theAlterEgoEffect throughout thebookso far.Nowletmeshowyouhowitworksandwhyit’ssoeffective.

Chapter3

ThePoweroftheAlterEgoEffect

Ianisasmartmarketingprofessionalandthefounderofamultimillion-dollare-commercebusiness.Inhisformerlife,Ianwasaserioustennisplayer.“Iwasn’tjust someonewinning a fewhigh schoolmatches; in college Iwon a nationalchampionship,”hetoldme.

Afiercecompetitorwhosincetheageofthreehadaracketinhand,Ianhadthephysicalabilitiestogotothenextlevel.

Sadly,thosecouldonlytakehimsofar.“Askanyonewhoplayedtenniswithmeandthey’dtellyouthesamething:Iwasaclassiccaseofwastedpotential.Ihad the physical capabilities, but I couldn’t pull it together mentally oremotionally. Iwas a psychopath on the courts, breaking rackets and punchingwallsafterIlost.”

WhatdroveIanmadwithanger,rage,andfrustration?Imean,itwasonlyatennismatchafterall,right?Except,toIan,itwasn’tjustatennismatch,andhewasn’tjustlosingatsomeweekendmatch.

“Inmymind,Iwasn’tlosingatennismatch.Iwasfailingasahumanbeingbecausebeingatennisplayerwasmyidentity.”

Okay,let’spauseandreplaythatstatement:Iwasfailingasahumanbeingbecausebeingatennisplayerwasmyidentity.

Doesthatresonatewithyou?Ifyou’reambitious, itmost likelydoes.Ian’sprophetic statement lies at the beating heart of the Alter Ego Effect and themodel I want to walk you through. The reasons why it’s resonated withthousandsofpeopleandempoweredpeopletomakedecisivechangesare:

1. Itmakessenseandyoualreadyknowhowtodothis.2. Itallowsyoutoseethemultidimensionalpersonyouare,withthedifferent

rolesyouplay,andbeintentionalaboutwhoshowsupwhere.Soyoudon’tbringaClarkKentwhenwhoyouneedisaSuperman.

3. It gets to the heart of why talented, capable people underperform. Theydon’t realize it, but they’re being unintentional about what “who” isshowingupontheirFieldofPlayandintothoseMomentsofImpact.

WhatdoImeanby“whoisshowingup”?Letmeexplain.

HOWDOYOUBECOMEYOU?

BeforeIgetintowalkingyouthroughthestagesofbuildingyourownAlterEgoorSecret Identity, Iwant to showyouwhy it’s sopowerful andwhy it’sveryeasy toslip intoaversionofyourself that isn’tbuilt tosucceed.Over thenextfewpages,we’regoing tobebuildingoutamodel toexplainhowwebecomewhatwebecome.Throughtherestofthebook,we’lluseittoapproachlifewithmoreconfidence,courage,andconviction.

TostartthingsoffyouneedtounderstandyouhaveaCoreSelf.TheCoreSelf iswherepossibility exists. It’s thisdeep inner corewherea

creativeforceresideswaitingtobeactivatedbythepowerofintention.Becausehumanbeingshavethisincredibleabilitytoimagine,create,anddecide,itgivesyoutheopportunity tochangesomethinginan instant.TheCoreSelf iswhereyour deep desires, aspirations, and dreams reside. If you’ve ever avoidedadmittingtoyourselfwhatyoutrulywant,that’sprobablyyourCoreSelftalkingto you. It’s those internal nudges you get to take action and move towardsomethingthatexcitesyouor“lightsyouup.”

It’salso thesourceof“intrinsicmotivation.” Ifyou’veever foundyourselftryingtoansweraquestionabout“whyyoudosomething”or“whyyoucare,”but you can’t find the words, you’re probably being driven by an intrinsicmotivator. They’re the intangibles. Something you can’t touch, hold, or showsomeoneelse.Humanbeingshaveacollectionofintrinsicmotivatorsthat,whenyoutapintothem,driveamoremeaningfullevelofaction.

Thingslike:

Growth,thedesiretoimproveandconstantlygetbetterCuriosity,thedesiretodiscovernewthingsMastery,thedesiretolearnandbecomeexcellentatsomethingAdventure,thedesiretobechallengedandexploretheworldandourselvesEnjoyment, the desire to feel satisfied with our efforts and lost in themomentSelf-mastery,thedesiretofeelautonomousandtodirectyourownlifeLove,thedesiretocaredeeplyforsomeoneorsomething

These intrinsicmotivatorsare sharedbyeveryone in somewayoranother.They’re baked into the human condition. And they’re extremely important to

leadingalifeofmeaning.The problem arises when we start to confuse all the other layers that

influence our thinking, emotions, and behaviors with who we really are. Ifyou’veevertriedtounravelthemysteryofhowyoubecamewhoyouare,itcanfeel like being caught in a spiderweb. Themore you try, themore you wrapyourselfupandgetstuck.Youcan’texplainwhyyoubecameindecisivewhenfacedwith an importantdecision.Youcan’t understandwhyyouclamupandgetnervousorsecond-guessideaswhenyou’reinaroomwithcertainpeople.

Youdon’tknowwhyyoukeeptalkingandtalkingduringasalescall,whichtalks a potential customer out of the sale. Or why you keep dreaming aboutstartingabusinessbutitneverhappens.

It’s critical to understand that at our core, we are a force for creativepossibility, whatever thatmay be for you. Youmay havewondered how youbecamethewayyouare,oryousaidtoyourself,“...butthat’sjustme.That’sjustthewayIam.”

Maybenot.Whoweare,specifically thepersonwebring toourvariousFieldsofPlay

andhowweperform,isheavilyinfluencedbyexternalandinternalfactors.IbreakthesegroupsofinfluenceintofourlayersthatsurroundourCoreSelf.

(If you’d like a complete map of the Field of Play Model, go toAlterEgoEffect.com/resources.)

LAYER 1: YOUR CORE DRIVERS (WHATMOTIVATES YOU AT AGRANDERSCALETHANYOURSELF)

This iswhereyou’ll findwhatyoudeeplycareabout,deeplyrelate to,and

deeplyidentifywith.Thesegiveyouasenseofpurposeandcanoftenbethingspeople feel define them. Your deeper purpose could be related to Family,Community,Nation,Religion,Race,Gender,IdentifiableGroup,Idea,orCause.However,asyou’llsee,theseCoreDrivers,andanyofthelayers,canalsoaffectyounegativelyaswell.

LAYER2:THEBELIEFLAYER(HOWYOUDEFINEYOURSELFANDTHEWORLDAROUNDYOU)

This is where you’ll find your attitudes, beliefs, values, perceptions,experiences, and expectations toward how you see yourself and how youperceivetheworldaroundyou.[Figure3.2]

LAYER3:THEACTIONLAYER(HOWYOUSHOWUP)This represents the skills, competencies, and knowledge we’ve developed

overtime.It’salsothebehaviors,actions,andreactionswehaveontheFieldofPlayandduringourMomentsofImpact.[Figure3.3]

LAYER4:THEFIELDOFPLAY(WHAT’SHAPPENING)This is the area of context. In this layer, we’re influenced by our actual

physicalenvironment;thecircumstances;theconstraints;thepeople,places,andthingsthatweinteractwith;andtheirexpectations.[Figure3.4]

Alloftheselayersinfluenceandshapehowyouthink,feel,andseeyourselfinrelationtothedifferentareasofyourlifeorwhatwerefertoastheFieldsofPlay.Eachofthoselayersisbuiltupovertime.Often,we’reunawareofsomebehavior, and it’s because the influences are outside of our awareness.We’regoingtobelookingattheselayersmoredeeplyandhowtousethemtochangeourresultswiththehelpofanAlterEgo.

Youmayseeyourselfassomeonewho’sakindandniceperson.(Thosearegreat qualities.) However, on the Field of Play of work, people may takeadvantageofthatkindnessandheapmoreworkonyouthanisfair,oruseittonegotiateunfairterms.Instead,I’maskingyoutobemoreintentionalaboutwhoneedstoshowuponthatfield.Thisisn’taboutdishonoringwhoyouare.Thisisabout really looking at the characteristics that will help you succeed, andbringingthatpartofyoutolifewiththehelpofanAlterEgo.

FROMCHURCHCHOIRTOSOLD-OUTSTADIUMS

SundayswereadaypeoplelookedforwardtointheBlackBottomneighborhoodontheEastSideofDetroit.They’dwakeup,putontheirSundaybest,andheaddown to theSt. John’sUnitedMethodistChurch to “hear an angel sing.”Thechoirwasalwaysfilledwithgreatsingers,buttherewasonewhostoodout.

Jadacamefromareligiousfamilythatlovedgospelmusic.Theirhomewasfilledwithmusic,andsheandhersisterwouldbeltoutanytuneyou’daskthemtosing.ThepeopleinEastDetroitloveditwhenshe’dsharehergiftwiththemonSunday.HerfatherrecognizedheruniquevoiceandstartedtakingJadaandher best friend,Alicia, around theDetroit area to talent competitions. After awhile, theirgroupof twobecameagroupofsix,and theyformedagirlgroupthatbeganrappinganddancingtheirwaytocompetitionwins.

Astheyearswentby,thisgospel-singinggirlfromareligiousfamilystartedto gainmore national attention, but a problem emerged. Jada found it hard toperform themore“suggestive” lyricsanddancemovesonstage.But she lovedthe creative expression and freedom she felt up there. Her ambitions werecreatinganinternalconflict.

Hersolution?SheturnedtoanAlterEgo,“HaileyStorm.”Unlike,Jada,her“real self,” Hailey embraced the provocateur. Hailey Storm wasn’t afraid toshake,shimmy,andshineonstageinfrontofcrowdsthatwereswellingintothethousands.Theyounggospel-singinggirlwhogrewupdazzlingtheparishionersofthechurchhadgrownintoaninternationalsuperstar.

Except,shewasn’tactuallyfromDetroit,hernameisn’tJada,andherAlter

Egowasn’tHaileyStorm.Ifyoudidn’talreadyguess,thissuperstarisBeyoncéKnowles,fromHouston,Texas,andherAlterEgothathelpedbringhertofamewasSashaFierce.However,St.John’sUnitedMethodistChurchwasthechurchshewowedpeopleateverySunday.

Inmultiple interviews,Beyoncéhasmentionedhowandwhy sheusedherAlterEgo:

“WhenIseeavideoofmyselfonstageorTVI’mlike,‘Whoisthatgirl?’”1“Ihavecreatedanalterego:thingsIdowhenperformingIwouldneverdonormally.Ireveal

thingsaboutmyselfthatIwouldn’tdoinaninterview.”2“Ihaveout-of-bodyexperiences[onstage].IfIcutmyleg,ifIfallIdon’tevenfeelit.I’mso

fearless,I’mnotawareofmyfaceormybody.”3“Ihavesomeoneelsethattakesoverwhenit’stimeformetoworkandwhenI’monstage,this

alteregothatI’vecreatedthatkindofprotectsmeandwhoIreallyam.”4

Thenfamously,afterher2008album,IAm...SashaFierce,sheretiredherAlter Ego. She didn’t need her anymore. Whatever transformation orexperimentation Beyoncé needed “Sasha” to help with as a performer wascomplete.

Itmaybedifficulttolookatyourlifeandcallyourselfa“performer.”Youmay not be “performing” in the context of a Beyoncé, Ellen DeGeneres, orDavid Bowie, with thousands of people expecting a “show,” but if you thinkabout “show” as simply a fulfillment of expectations, you’ll see the parallelsvery quickly. We do have expectations to fulfill, “a show.” We do have toperformourresponsibilities,“ashow.”Manyofushaveambitionsburiedinsideusthataredifficultandchallenging,anddemandsomethingwe’renotquitesurewecanfulfill,sowhynotuseanAlterEgo?

Youhavestagesyou’realreadyperformingonandstagesyoumightliketoperformon,andmyquestionis:Wouldyouliketoshowupthereastheheroicversionofyourself?

I’ve spentmore than fifteen thousandhoursworkingone-on-onewith eliteperformers likeOlympians and CEOs, all theway down to ten-year-old kids.TheAlterEgoEffectisandhasbeenmyweaponofchoicewhentryingtohelpgoodpeopledohard things. It’salsoaverynaturalwayhumanscandealwithadversity with more calm, cool, and confidence, and researchers at theUniversityofMinnesotashoweditseffectiveness.

ACTIVATINGYOURHEROICSELF

Ifyou’vealreadystartedtoplaywiththisconcept inyourhead,maybeyou’vestartedtothink,Hmm,itwouldbekindofcooltoshowupwithasecretidentity.If something doesn’twork out, I don’t need to be so hard onmyself andmysecret identity can take the blame. I can leave that identity on the field, likeBeyoncé,andsavemy“Self” from theworriesand judgments Inormallykickmyselfwith.(I’mtakingafewlibertieswithyourself-talk,butlet’srunwithit,cool?)

Well,theideaofusingAlterEgostocreatesomedistancebetweenhowyoucurrently see yourself and how you’d like to perform is not only smart, it’sbackedbyresearch.AlotofmyclientsinitiallytalkabouthowtheirAlterEgosprotectedthem,onlytolaterrealizethat theirAlterEgowasactuallywhotheyalwayswereandwhotheyhadalwayswantedtobe.

This idea of space and distance between our identities is something thatresearchers are starting to validate.A recentUniversity ofMinnesota studyoffour-and six-year-old children found that to teach kids perseverance, parentsshouldteachchildrentopretendtobelikeBatmanoranotherfavoritecharacter—because itcreatespsychologicaldistance,5 thevery thingmyclients likeIantalkabout,andwhatI’veobservedhappenswhenpeoplecreateAlterEgos.

Thestudysplitkidsintothreegroups.Theresearchersputatoyinalockedglass box and gave the kids a ring of keys. The catch? No key worked. Theresearcherswanted to seehow to improve thechildren’sexecutive functioningskillsandwereinterestedinseeinghowlongtheywouldtrytounlocktheboxandwhattheywouldtry.Tohelpthekids,theresearchersgavethemwhattheycalledstrategies.OnestrategywastopretendtobeBatman.Thekidscouldevenwearacape!DoratheExplorerwasachoice,too.6

Researchersfoundthatthekidswhoworkedthelongestweretheoneswhoimpersonated Batman orDora, followed by childrenwho just pretended, and,finally, the kids who remained in the first-person perspective.7 The kidsimpersonatingBatmanorDoraweremoreflexiblethinkers,theytriedthemostkeys, and theywere calmer.One four-year-old even said, “Batman never getsfrustrated.”8

The study shows us the power of identity—the power of how we seeourselves—andwhathappenswhenwe, foramoment in time,cancall forthadifferentself.

SupermancreatedClarkKentsothatsocietywouldaccepthim,sohecouldwalk around unnoticed and never consider himself above everyone else. Icreated “Richard” so I could move away from my insecurities, launch mybusiness,andbetterservethepeopleIwanted.Beyoncécreated“SashaFierce”

toexplorehercreativesideandexperimentwithherartform.I hope this starts to peel back the proverbial onion on why an Alter Ego

becomessuchaneffectiveagentofchange.Whenyoubecomemoreintentionalaboutwhatcharacteristicswillshowuponan importantFieldofPlayforyou,you’llActivateacreativeenergypoweringanewlevelofperformance.

If Ian had recognized that just one Field of Play doesn’t define him as aperson,hecouldhaveavoided theemotionaloutbursts, frustration, andmentalgrenadesgoingoffinhishead.

THEORDINARYANDEXTRAORDINARYWORLD

I’mgoingtoreinforcethispointthroughoutthebookbecauseIdon’twantyoutogetasugarysweettasteinyourmouthfromthewordsonthepage.You’renotaterriblehumanbeingifsomeareaofyourlifeis“average.”Youwon’tputthisbook down and becomeBatman,BlackWidow, orBlack Panther inEVERY.SINGLE.AREA.OF.YOUR.LIFE.

Frankly,I’dkickmyownassifthatwasthebookIwrote.Instead,treatthisidealikeacompass,orientatingyoutoonestage.Findone

FieldofPlay,andlet’slookatcreatingsomethingextraordinarythere.It’llmakethis process far simpler, far more accessible, and a helluva lot easier toimplement.

Inthissection,Iwanttosimplygiveyouthelandscapeofwhat’shappeninginwhatiscalledthe“OrdinaryWorld”andthe“ExtraordinaryWorld”insidetheFieldofPlayModelandprepareyouforthejourneyahead.[Figure3.5]

The termsordinary and extraordinary are in essencemetaphorswe use toorientyoutothecommonexperienceyou’llhavewhenyoushiftyourmindset.Also,theshort-andlong-termeffectsofyour“orientation”willaffectyourlevelofconfidencetofacethechallengesahead.There’salsoresearchtosupportthepositiveeffectsofthisshiftinmindset.

Researchers have found that “self-suppressive activation” and “self-expansive activation” are keys to opening the vault to more confidence andcourage.9 10 In the research and work we’ve done, we refer to it as the OwMindset and the Wow Mindset. Suppressing the Ow Mindset means yourintentions and actions are motivated by negative emotions; you’re trying toprevent bad things from happening. Whether they’re thoughts, feelings, orexperiences,you’re“suppressing”toavoidperceivedpain,theOwMindset.

Ifyouapproachanyactivitytoavoidachallenge,it’saformofsuppression.When you set the orientation, like a compass, to negative motivation and dosomethingtoavoidsomepain,oravoidsomethingaltogether, itmakesitmoredifficult to seeyourself as thepersonwhocan solveyourownproblems.Thissuppressive cycle of avoidingwho you are andwho youwant to be creates aTrappedSelf.

“Self-expansiveactivation,”on theotherhand,andwhatwerefer toas the“WowMindset,”iswhenyourintentionsaremotivatedbyapositiveorgrowthmindset.You’re trying toactivateorgain somethingmore in life,whether it’s

positive thoughts, emotions, or experiences. Setting the orientation to positiveemotionandbeingmotivatedtocreatesomethingpositiveinyourlife,overthelongterm,habituallyandasaroutine,enhancesyourself-efficacy.Itbuildsyourconfidence, courage, and sense of control over your ability to face life’schallenges;itcreatesaHeroicSelf.

Becomingclearaboutyourintentions,identifyingthebenefitsyougetfromanactivity,anddeterminingwhatyouwanttoachieveonaFieldofPlayiswhatwillhelpunlockyourHeroicSelf.

Easiersaidthandone,right?That’swhywe useAlter Egos and Secret Identities; they help us suspend

any disbelief and leverage the power of aligning with someone or somethingelse’sstrengths,capabilities,andsuperpowers.

So,tohelpyouseehowthisplaysoutintheAlterEgoEffect,therearetwoworlds we’ve created. We live in a world of opposites, up/down, hot/cold,outside/inside,light/dark,andonandon.Theseparationistheretodelineatetheworldswecanchoosetolivein,theOrdinaryandtheExtraordinaryWorld.Eachofthesecreatestwototallydifferentexperiences.Neitherisdevoidofchallenge,butbothcreateausefulviewofwhathappenswhenwechooseto“suppress”or“expand”ourCoreSelf.

We’re going to be expandingon thesemore in the coming chapters aswebuildoutyourAlterEgo,butyoucanseethattheseparationofthesetwoworldshascreatedanotherzoneatthecenteroftheCoreSelf.

IntheOrdinaryWorldyoucanfindaTrappedSelf,andintheExtraordinaryWorldyoucanfindaHeroicSelf.Bothoftheserepresentthetypicalexperiencesomeonefeels,dependingonhowthey’reapproachingandexperiencingaFieldofPlay.

ThisiswhywecallittheAlterEgoEffect.Itcreatesacompletelynewresultoroutcome.

If you imagine standing at the center of theField of PlayModel, and youturn to face the Ordinary World, the common thoughts, emotions, andexperiencesyouhaveasyoumovethrougheachofthoselayers“suppress”yourCoreSelfandyouendupfeelingTrapped.

How?Aswithanygoodstory,ifthereisahero,thereisalsoanEnemylurkingin

the shadows.Andbecauseyourorientationhasbeen set to“negativeorpain,”theEnemyfeedsoffitandfillsyouwithdoubt,worry,self-judgment,avoidance,andfear.AllofthiscancauseyoutonotshowuponaparticularFieldofPlaylike you’re capable of and in some cases, not show up at all. Basically, youcompletely avoid the field or you avoid letting all of your abilities shine.The

reason is that you’ve been hit with the powerful Hidden Forces the Enemydeploystokeepyoutrapped.

TheEnemyusesallthelayerstochallengeyou.Ittellsyouthingslike:

TheCoreDriversLayer:“You’renotmeantforthat;afterall,nobodyfromyourfamilyhaseverdonethatbefore.”

TheBeliefLayer:“Youdon’tbelieve inyourself,because ifyou just takea lookatyourpast,you’vequitonalotofthings.”

TheActionLayer:“Youdon’t have the skills or knowledge, so you should probably justwait until you do more research, work on it more, and finally get itperfect.”

TheFieldofPlayLayer:“Youdon’twanttomakeafoolofyourself.Areyousureyouwanttotakesuchahugerisk?I’dhateforeveryonetoseewhathappensifyoufail!”

ThecommonexperienceintheOrdinaryWorldisthissensethatit’snotyourunning the show. It’s this feeling like the “real you” is trapped by somenegativestory,belief,orcircumstanceyoucan’tfindawaytoovercome.ButtheEnemyisawilylittlebuggerandit’salwayswaitinganytimeitsensesjustabitof trepidation,negativemotivation,and lackofclear intentonwhoisgoing toshowuponaFieldofPlay.

The OrdinaryWorld can be summed up with two words: destructive anduninspired.ItisdestructivetoourCoreSelfanduninspiredthroughourresults.Soit’simportanttorealizethatthisTrappedSelf,whichmostpeoplefeeliswhotheyare,isn’tyou.TheCoreSelfhasresourcesavailabletoactivateadifferentsideofyou,theHeroicSelf,withthehelpofanAlterEgo.

So,iseverythingintheExtraordinaryWorldallsunshineandrainbows?IfyougobacktothecenteroftheFieldofPlayModel,andyouturntoface

theExtraordinaryWorld,thecommonthoughts,emotions,andexperiencesyouhaveasyoumovethrougheachofthoselayers“expand”yourCoreSelfandyouendupfeelingHeroic.

How?In the ExtraordinaryWorld, your “orientation” has been set to “positive.”

TheEnemyhasahardertimestoppingyouwithitsarrowsofdoubt,temptation,anger, ego, and fear becauseyoubuild anAlterEgousing all of the layers to

bringapowerful setof characteristicsorSuperpowers ontoa specificFieldofPlay.Youactivate thiscreativeforcefromyourCoreSelf toshowuplikeyouwantto.Andyousaythingslike:

TheCoreDriversLayer:“I’m doing this formy family.” “I’m doing this for a greater cause.”“I’m doing this to show others in my tribe what can be done.” “I’mdoingthistohonorthepeoplewhocamebeforeme.”

TheBeliefLayer:“Iamapowerfulforceforchange.”“Ilovethechallenge.”“Ican’twaittoseewhathappens.”

TheActionLayer:“I may not know everything, but I’ll give it my best.” “I have thisincrediblepowertofocusonwhat’simportant.”“I’mextremelycalminhigh-pressuresituations.”

TheFieldofPlayLayer:“FailureisablockIturnintoastepping-stone.”“I’vegotsomanyallies,waitingtohelpme.”

TheExtraordinaryWorldisextraordinarybecausewetacklelifehead-on,wechallenge it, andwedon’t let distractions slowusdown. It also allowsyou tosuspend disbelief about your capabilities, because you’re taking anAlter Egoonto the Field of Play.And thisAlterEgo, just likeBeyoncé’s, Sasha Fierce,protectsyourCoreSelffromthetoolstheEnemyusestostopyou.Plus,itturnsout there’s research to back up the power of intentionally bringing predefinedSuperpowerstoyourworld.

MartinSeligmanandChristopherPetersenaretwoofthemostwidelycitedresearchers of happiness and well-being.11 Over the period of a decade, theystudiedalmostonehundredculturesaroundtheglobe.Theteamtested150,000people to determine how people that were coping with adversity and thechallengesoflifeoperated.Theyfoundthatthepeoplewhoidentifiedtheircorecharacteristics or Superpowers and deliberately and intentionally focused onActivatingthoseSuperpowersweremoreresilientandfulfilled.

We’ll be digging into uncovering those Superpowers your Alter Ego willActivatethroughoutthebook.

THEIMAGINATIONGAME

YouandIhavethisincrediblypowerfulabilitytocreateworldsinthemindwithourimaginations.Mostpeopleareunfortunatelyusingtheirimaginationstoplayout scenarios that look like horror stories. It causes them to retract andmoveawayfromtheirgoals.ButifIaskedthemtoimaginethemselvesshowingupinthat same scenario asWonderWoman,Mother Teresa, or Princess Leia, theycouldimagineaverydifferentresult.(Fortheguys,youcanimagineyourselfasSuperman,NelsonMandela,orYoda.ButifyouwanttobeWonderWoman,Iwon’tjudge.)

Let’splayaquickimaginationgame.Scenario:Youhavetogiveaspeechtoathousandofyourpeersinahugeauditorium.Howwouldyouperform?Would you be nervous?Whatwould your body language look like?How

wouldyousoundtoothers?NowimagineyourselfgoingonstageasWonderWomanorSuperman.How

wouldyouact,look,andsoundnow?WhataboutasMotherTeresaorNelsonMandela?OrPrincessLeiaorYoda?Now, here’s one of the most important points of the book, so pay close

attention.Fromanobserver’sperspective,whoisthe“realyou”?Becarefulhowyouanswer,becausethis is theparadoxthathas trippedup

mostpeople in their lives. It isalsohowmanypeople in theamateurself-helpworldhaveledpeopleastrayfordecades.

Tohelpyouwithyouranswer,thinkofitthisway:Wearejudgedinourlivesbywhatwedo,notbywhatwethinkorintendto

do.IfIthinkaboutcallingmymomandtellingherexactlywhyIloveher,andI

actually pick up the phone and call and tell her, it creates a totally differentworld.OneisOrdinary,theotherExtraordinary.

Ifyoushowupforaspeechincrediblynervousbuteveryoneintheaudienceexperiencesyouasbeingconfident,articulate,andfunny,doesitreallymattertothemifyoushowedupasan“AlterEgo”inordertogivethemthatexperienceandyourselfthereward?

No.Attheendoftheday,Icareabouthowpeopleperform.When I first startedmybusiness, Iwanted tobeaconfident,decisive, and

articulateprofessionalwhocouldhelpathletesgetbetter resultson theirFieldsofPlaybyimprovingtheirmentaltoughness.Theproblem?Thatpersonwasn’t

showingup.IwastrappedbyoneoftheHiddenForcestheEnemylikestousetosnuff out action taking:worrying aboutwhat other peoplewould think ofme.Peopleweren’tgoingtorespectmeor listentomebecauseI lookedsoyoung.Thosedoubts,worries,andfearsrattlingaroundinsidemyheadgotintheway.ButwhenIslippedonapairofglasses,myAlterEgosteppedforth,activatingthe specific traits, skills, and beliefs I wanted so I could perform. Theywerethereallalong,and“Richard”steppedintomakethemhappen.

This isn’tbeing fake.Pretending toknowaboutparticlephysicswhenyoudon’tisfake.UsinganAlterEgotoentertainagroupofphysicsstudentswhenyou have been a boring physics professor until now is just bringing the righttoolsforthejob.

OneofmyfavoritepartsaboutthefeedbackIgetfromclientsandpeopleisthe sense of amazement people have about the depth and breadth of theirabilities.Thisistheclassiccaseof“it’shardtoreadthelabelwhenyou’reinsidethebottle.”

MichaelShurtleff,aBroadwayandHollywoodcastingdirectorinthe1960sand 1970s, said that acting, contrary to what many people believed, is abouttappingintowhatalreadyexistsinside.“Mostpeoplegointoactingtogetoutofthemselves, to get away from their everyday humdrum selves, and becomesomeone else who is glamorous, romantic, unusual, different. And what doesactingturnouttobe?Usingyourownself.Workingfromwhat’sinsideyou.Notbeing someone else but being you in different situations and contexts. Notescaping you but using yourself naked and exposed up there on the stage orsilverscreen.”12

DanielCraigisn’tJamesBond.ButJamesBondissomewhereinsideDanielCraig.

MostofmyclientssaytheAlterEgofeelsmoreliketheirtruestself—I’llletyou judge that for yourself later.My good friend Ian says, “TheAlter Ego isyourdeepestself,thetruestversionofyou.”

This was Joanne’s experience, too. Joanne, who was trained in cognitivebehavioral therapy and transactional analysis, began her career working foryachtbrokersbeforeworkinginsalesandmarketingonthetechnologysideforBritishAirwaysinLondon.Aself-describedintrovertbynature,shehadasidethatwouldcomeoutattheofficethatsheneverquiteunderstood.

“Ihadexperiencesearly inmycareer, likegettingblockedforapromotionafterI landedahugeglobaldealandafterhandlingaccountsworthmillionsofdollars,thatmademerealizeIhadtotakechargeofmycareer.Ihadtogooutthere and get my career myself. I wasn’t going to leave it in anyone else’sdestiny.”

Joanne knew she needed to show up differently in her job if she was tosucceed.Working in a largelymale-dominatedworld, Joanne began to switchintoastrong,bold,decisivewomaninmeetingswithherpeersandboss.

WhenJoannefirstheardmetalkabouttheAlterEgo,itwaslikeeverythingclickedforher.“WhenIheardyoutalkaboutit,Ithought,That’sGiovanna!I’mpart Italian, andwhen I go into certainwork settings, I switch frombeing thequietgirlwhosits in thebackground into thisotherpersona thathasnohang-ups.WhereImaynormallyworryaboutwhatsomeonethinksofme,Giovannadoesn’tthinkanyofthat.

“All along,Giovannahas shielded andprotectedme, andhelpedme to goplacesI’vealwaysdreamedof.”

Whenwetalkedabouttheconceptofprotection,sheexplainedthatwhenshewasinatoxicenvironment,wherepeople“didandsaidunsavorythings,”havingherAlterEgohelpedherrealize“itwasotherpeopleandtheirissues,notme.Icouldwalkawayfromthecircumstancesandthepeople.You’dwalkawayfromsomethingsomeonesaidordidintheboardroom,thinking,Thisisterrible,butGiovannacouldtakeit.AsGiovanna,Istoodupformyself.AsGiovanna,IcancomeacrossasfierceandpowerfulandscarywhenIneededto.”

Joanne’s Alter Egowas helping her stay rooted in her true sense of CoreSelf,withoutsuccumbingtothepoisonouswhispersoftheEnemy.

“IusedtoworrythatIwastooharshwithsomeone,butIwouldn’tbewhereIamifIdidn’tallowmyAlterEgototakechargeandbefierce.There’snoplaceinbusinessifyou’renotabletostepupforyourselfandbefiercewhenyouneedtobe.”UsingherAlterEgoofGiovannahelpedJoannetoshowupasthebestversionofherselfsoshecouldaccomplishherworkgoals.

“Over the last twoyears, I’ve realized that theAlterEgo isactuallywho Iam,andultimately,whoI’dlovetocontinuebeing.”

LikeIan,Beyoncé,andJoanne,yourAlterEgoisreallyaboutdefininghowyou want to show up, defining the Superpowers, and borrowing thecharacteristicsofanexistingperson,character,superhero,animal,orwhatevertohelpActivateyourHeroicSelf.

YougettodefinewhoshowsupontheFieldofPlay.Thelayersthatmakeup your experience of life are fluid, and as Iwalk you through building yourAlterEgo,you’llget tocreate theoutcome.Whichwillendupbeing themostreal,mosttrueversionofyourCoreSelf?

Over the years, psychologists have noticed the benefits of using theAlterEgoconcept,too.PsychologistOliverJameschronicleshowthelateentertainerDavid Bowie created a number of Alter Egos, including Ziggy Stardust, toachieve his ambition of rock stardom and to overcome an abusive, damaging

childhood.JamesevenmakesthecasethatBowieachievedsuccessandbecameanemotionallyhealthymanbecausehecreatedthesepersonas.“Thekeywasthetherapeuticusehehadmadeofpersonas todevelopauthentic selves.”13 (EvenDavidBowiewasactuallyapersona,asthefamousentertainerwasbornDavidJones.)

Theideaofdifferentpersonaswasn’tconfinedtoonlyaselectfeworonlytoeliteperformerslikeBowie.AsJamesexplains,“Workingasatherapist,Ihavenot met a single client who does not have several or numerous differentselves.”14 James even advocates that all of us can use different personas toachieve our goals, too, just like David Jones used David Bowie and ZiggyStardust to achieve his, “understanding the different parts of yourself better,identifying them and their origins, and then being much more self-consciousaboutwhichpersonyouchoosetobeindifferentsettings.”15

That’s all we’re doing with the Alter Ego—we’re consciously andintentionallychoosingtobringthebestversionofour“selves”forwardfor thedifferentrolesweplayinlife.

YOUMAYALREADYBEDOINGTHIS

I’ve coached, taught, and presented on the Alter Ego Effect for almost twodecades. After I explain the concept to people, just about everyone tells methey’veusedanAlterEgooraspectsofonewithoutrealizingit.

That’s what happened to Kisma, the founder of a coaching and trainingcompany.When she first learned about theAlterEgoEffect, she realized thatshe’dusedavariationofitinherpreviouslifeasaprofessionalmusician.

“Playinginprofessionalorchestras,thereisacertainlevelofnervesIwouldfeelbeforesolos.Iplayedthefluteandperformedanumberofconcertos,andIhadtogetintoadifferentmindset.AsIwouldwalkacrossthestage,preparingmyself for the concerto, Iwould think,Whodo Iwant to channel?Whodo Iwant to be like? Sometimes it was Yo-YoMa, other times it was EmmanuelPahud.Whoever I chose, itwas like an instantdrop-in, as I toldmyself that Iwouldpullfromthem.”

Withoutknowingit,KismawasleveragingsomeelementsoftheAlterEgoEffecttoshowuponherFieldofPlayandappearduringherMomentsofImpact—hersolos.Butshedidn’t realizeshecoulduse it inotheraspectsofher life,especiallyherbusiness,untilwemet.

AlotofpeoplearelikeKisma—maybeevenyou.They’veintuitivelytappedintotheirimaginationandcreatedanAlterEgo.Theyjusthaven’tusedittoits

fullestextentandintentionally,buttheyrecognizeitsform.It’sfamiliartothem.Theyjustdidn’thaveanameforitoraprocess.

Nowit’stimetochooseyouradventure,becausejustastherearemanywaystoget to thecenterof town, theAlterEgoEffecthasmanydoorwaysyoucanenterandwalkthrough...

Chapter4

YourOrdinaryWorld

“There’snowaytodescribeitotherthan,Ifelttrapped.EverymorningIhadtheintentionofsittingdownatmykitchen table towrite,but itwas like thechairand my butt were magnets that repelled each other. The resistance wasincredible, and I felt like Iwas trapped in this purgatory ofwanting to createsomething,butnothavingthepowertoovercometheresistance.”

Isatinmyairplaneseatlisteningtoawell-knownauthorrecountwhatitwasliketostruggletopursuehislifelongdream.Thefunnythingaboutbeinginmyline of work is that it opens people up to sharing their challenges in life. Italwaysmakesforgreatconversations,especiallywithpeoplewhofoundawaytoovercomethosechallenges.

Hewentontotellmethatevenwhenhedidsitdowntowrite,he’dstareatthe blinking cursor on his computer screen andwith every flash of the cursorimagineitwassaying,“Youcan’tdothis.Youcan’tdothis.Youcan’tdothis.”

“Ithauntedmeeverytime.”Healsohadasmallglobesittingonashelfnearbythathe’dstareatblankly.

Hesaid,“I’dstareatthatthingforaneternityandgetlostinthisendlessspiralofself-talk that Iwasn’t ‘cutout towrite’orwhateverwordsI typedoutweregoingtoberubbishanyway.Itwascrushingtomysoul.”

Before I finished the thirty-thousand-foot conversation with theaccomplished author, here’swhat I knew:Hewasn’t a special snowflake.Hisexperiencewasn’tparticularlyunique.

I’vespokentocarenthusiastswhowantedtorebuildandrestoreacarfromscratch,spentyearscollectingmagazinesandorderingboxesofparts,andevenplannedaSaturdaytostart theirprojectonlytowalkintotheirgarage,sitonastool,andwatchthoseboxescollectdust.

I’ve heard stories from sales reps who started out driving their cars intovacant parking lots, reclining their seats to hide, and sitting there for hoursbecausetheywereterrifiedofknockingondoorstoselltheirwidget.

Onemanevensaid,“WhenIputmyfingerontheelectricreclinebuttononmyseatandflickeditback,itwaslikeIwassinkingintothequicksandoffear.

And this heavy weight would start to build onmy chest and get heavier andheavierthemoreIreclined.Itwasterrible.”

I’veheardathletestellmeaboutthegamesthey’dplayandneverattemptashotbecause“thatwasfor[insertanynameofabetterplayer]todo,notme.”

I could go on and on with stories from artists, singers, actors, scientists,students, corporate professionals, traders, mothers, and entrepreneurs, of howsomeforcewasstoppingthemfrommovingtowardtheirgoalsordreams.

ThisiswhatisknownastheOrdinaryWorld.It’s aworldwhere it feels like the “real you” is trapped.Theyou that has

aspirations, dreams, andgoals that aren’t being actualized.They aren’t gettingoutontotheFieldofPlaysoyoucanseejusthowgoodyouareorwhatyoucando.It’sfrustrating,stressful,andtypicallycreatesapileofself-judgment.

It’s also a very easy place to stay stuck, because it’s not life-or-death formostpeople.Imean,it’snotlikethere’sasaber-toothedtigerchasingyoudownandgoing to devour you.Unless you take action, right? It’s an internalworldyouknowabout, filledwithaspirations,hopes,dreams,goals,andvisionsofabetter,different,ormoreevolvedversionofwhoyouaretoday.

It’s not like you’re a character on amovie screen and thewhole audienceknowsthesestrugglesexist.

It’s an easy place to stay trapped. There’s an internal justification of“NobodywilleverknowanywayifIdon’tdothis.”

Butyouwillalwaysknow.

YOURORDINARYWORLD

Bynow,youmightalreadybe thinkingaboutwhatyourAlterEgowillbe,oryourSuperpower,ormaybejustwhatproblemyouneedsolved.There’snoonewaytogetstarted.Choosewhat’sbestforyou.Startwhereyou’recomfortable.Ifyougetstucksomewhere,skiptothenextstep.It’sthatsimple.

Forthebook,I’velaidoutthechapterstobeginbydelvingintotheOrdinaryWorldfirst.ThenI’llhelpyouseetheCommonandHiddenForcestheEnemylikes to use to suppress and keep you trapped. I’ll help you reveal what hasinfluenced you in the past andwhat part of yourself has been showing up onyourFieldofPlayandduringyourMomentofImpact.

Asyoumove through thischapteryou’lldecidewhichFieldofPlayyou’llfocuson,soyoucanenterthelabandcreateyourfirstAlterEgo.Let’sexaminethisideaofaFieldofPlayanduncoverwhat’s“ordinary”aboutit.Orpossiblyreveal those Moments of Impact on your field when you feel discouraged,

frustrated,anddisappointedbecauseyou’renotshowinguplikeyouwantorcanandmaybegettrappedbyanyoftheHiddenForces.

Now,we’renotgoingtolayyoudownonapsychologist’ssofaandunravelyearsandyearsof trauma,because, frankly, it’snotneeded.Thepowerof theAlterEgoEffectisrootedinitssimplicity,andhowfastyoucanapplyittogetresults.

When I first startworkingwithmy clients or people Imeet and ask themwhatproblems/challenges/frustrationsthey’refacing,they’lltellmethingslike:

SPORTS“I’mnottakingenoughshotsduringthegame.”“Mycoachisharderonmethanmyteammates.”“I’minaslumpandIdon’tknowhowtogetoutofit.”“IhaveabigtryoutcomingupandIneedtoperformatmybest.”“I’moverthinkingthingstoomuchonthefield.”

BUSINESS“I’mlaunchinganewbusinessbutI’mstrugglingtogetnewcustomers.”“Ican’tfindinvestorsformystart-up.”“I’mnotsurewhatIshoulddonexttogrowthecompany.”“Mystaffiskillingme.”“I’mfedupthatmybusinessisn’tgrowingandI’mburntout.”

CAREER“It’sfreakingpainfulthatIcan’tfinishmymanuscript.”“I’maniceperson,andIlikebeinganiceperson,butinbusiness,peopleare

walkingalloverme.”“I’m tired of working so many hours and not getting recognized for my

work.”“Myentireindustryisshiftingandtheuncertaintyisstressingmeout.”“Ihatewalkingtheredcarpetanddoingthemediatours.AllIwanttodois

act.”

I could go on and on in the areas of finance, health and fitness, family,relationships,andpersonaltimeandwell-being,butI’msureyougetthepicture.Lifeisachallenge.

Askyourself:Whatisitaboutaparticularareaofyourlifethat’sfrustratingyou?What’s

makingit“Ordinary”?

Whatdon’tyoulikeaboutit?What’snotworkinginit?Whatdoyoufeelyou’recapableofdoingthatyou’renot?Youknowyourselfbetterthananyone.Andyourabilitytobehonestandreal

withyourselfhereisgoingtosetyouupforalotmoresuccesslateroninthisbook. There’s no need to beat yourself up, shame yourself, or judge harshly.Allowyourselftobeobjectiveandreal.

YOURFIELDOFPLAY

“Johnisabeast,man!He’srelentlessandoneofthemostinspiringpeopleI’veevermet.”

Thiswas themostcommon remark Iheard from theemployeesofaclientwhen I interviewed them about their boss back in 2011. John was a proud“ItalianBronx kid”who loved hismom’smanicotti and said “bro”more thananyoneI’devermet.

JohnhadflownmeintoHoustontomeetwithhisstafftohelpimprovetheperformanceandmoraleofhis tradingandbrokeragecompany.Eversince the2008and2009financialmeltdown,thecompanyhadtakenabeatingandhewasstruggling to keep thebusiness profitable.Hewantedmyhelp to get his team“running on all cylinders” and “clear up some head trash” that had started tocreateatoxicenvironment.

Overthecourseofafewdays,Imetwiththirty-fivedifferentteammembers,fromSylvia the diligent executive assistant toMarcus the stressed-out broker.AndeachofthemwouldfollowJohnintobattle.

Aftertalkingtoalltheteammembersoverafewdays,JohnandIsatinhismeticulously decorated office with sports memorabilia lining the walls andfillingtheshelvesofhisbookcases.Weunpackedtheeventsofthepastfewdaysandtalkedaboutthefuture.

When John originally reached out tome, he had heard aboutme from anNBAclientwhowashisfriend.I’dhelpedthefriendbuildoutanAlterEgoandJohnwasinterestedindoingso,too,becausehefeltlikehelosthisedge.

Now sitting there,months afterwe startedworking together, I asked him,“How’syourAlterEgoworkingoutforyou?”

“You should probably ask my wife and kids that question!” he said andlaughed.

“Soit’sworking.”“Bro!Youhavenoidea.Younailedit.She’sgotastackofcannoliswaiting

foryoutotakebacktoNuYahk.”Earlier, Imentioned howwe have different roleswe play in life. Each of

theseroles—parent,spouse,businessowner,leader,sister,son—correspondstoaFieldofPlay.YoucanpickanyFieldofPlaythatyouwanttobuildanAlterEgo for and, just like John, youmight automatically default to thinking aboutyourprofessionallife,sport,orvocation.

But in John’s case, he discovered he didn’t need any more help with hisbusiness.Healreadyhadagreatworkethicandgoodattitude, andhis currentworkingpersonawasalreadya“beast.”Hishomelife,though,wasacompletelydifferentstory.

He’dgrownup in a familywherehis dadwasnever around, andwhenhewas around hewas either yelling at the kids or buried in “his chair” ignoringeveryone.John’shomelifewasstartingtomirrorhisfather’sandhehatedit.Soinsteadoftakingmoreofhisenergyanddevotingittohiswork,wedivertedittohishome-lifeFieldofPlay.

JohnbuiltouthisAlterEgotobelikehisbestfriend’sdadbackinNewYorkgrowing up. “Timmy’s dad was always roughhousin’ with us, crackin’ jokes,threwthebestneighborhoodbarbecues,andjustflat-outlovedlife.Hewasfuntobearound.”

Johnfoundout throughtheprocess that themorehe turnedhisattentiontocreating an inspiring home life, themore it transformedhiswork life, andhisteamlovedhimforit.

Imentioned that his team called him a “beast” over and over again.Nowhere’sthething:theyalreadyhadrespectforhisworkethicandbusinesssavvy,buttheycalledhima“beast”and“inspiring”becauseofwhathehadbecomeathome.

Asyouworkthroughthisbook,I’dencourageyoutothinkaboutoneFieldofPlaytobuildyourAlterEgofor.

Is it your personal life? Some people lead phenomenal professional lives,easilyachievingsuccess.Butwhenyoulookattheirpersonallives,theyarelessthan ideal.They have no idea how to connect or form intimate, loving, stablerelationshipswiththeirsignificantothers,family,friends,orkids.Althoughmostofmyworkwithclientsstartsintheirprofessionalworldsorathleticworlds,aswithJohnweoftenslipintotheirpersonalliveswhentheyrealizetheywanttobeabetterspouseoraparent.

Do you want an Alter Ego for your professional life? Some people leadawesomepersonallives.Theyhaveloving,supportiverelationships,butwhenitcomes to achieving success professionally, they haven’tmade the impact theydreamof.

I recommend going with the Field of Play that’s causing you the mostfrustration,angst,orheartache.It’stheonewherebuildinganAlterEgoisgoingtomakeamonumentalimpactonyourlife.

Bytheway,therearetworeasonsIcallittheFieldofPlay.Thefirstoneistheobviousreferencetothesportsworldandtheideathattherearechalklines,borders,andastartingandendpointtotheactivityhappeningonthefield.Thisistohelpyourecognizethatwecarryourselvesintomanydifferentfieldsinourlives,manydifferentstagesandarenas.Andeachonedemandsadifferentsetofskills,attitudes,andmindsetstobesuccessful.

It’soneofthereasonswhytheAlterEgoEffectissopowerful:youbecometrulyintentionalaboutwho’sendinguponthatfield.

ThesecondreasonIuseFieldofPlayisbecauseofthefinalword,play.It’sto remind you that you can have fun with this process. Life is already hardenough,andseriousthingsorrealstrugglesareanaturalpartoftheunfoldingoflife. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take that same playful attitude you hadwhenyouwereakidandplaywiththisconceptandhavefunwithit.

It’sexactlywhatJohndid,andnowit’syourturn.

THELITTLESHOPOWNERTHATCOULD

MaryAnn and her husband opened an automotive repair shop in 1999. Herbiggestchallengewashercustomers.Shehadcomefromthebankingworld,soshe understood the financial pillar of running a business.Butwhen customerscalled and shewas theone to answer, theydidn’twant to talkwithher.Theywantedtospeaktoatechnicianorowner—theywantedtospeaktoaman,notawoman.

“Iwasfrustratedwithpeople,”MaryAnnadmits.“ButwhenIstayeduponenight and thought about it, and asked, ‘What am I really frustrated with?’ Irealizeditwasmyself,andmyinabilitytowalkpeoplethroughthatprocessandhelpthem.”

MaryAnnknewshewassmartandcompetent,butshedidn’tsoundlikeitonthephone,soofcoursepeopledidn’twanttospeaktoher.Shesetouttodotwothings.First,shehadtogogettheskillsandknowledgesheneeded,thensecond,she created anAlterEgo to help her showup theway shewanted during herMomentofImpact(thecustomerphonecall).

Beforelong,peoplewerecallingtospecificallytalktoherabouttheirvehicleissues, and she especially made other women comfortable because they werebeinghelpedbyawomaninanindustrydominatedbymen.

What’s happening in your Ordinary World may also be what’s nothappening.Itcouldbewhatyou’reavoiding.Maybeyoustartedabusiness,butyouaren’touttheregettingthemessageoutaboutyournewproductsorservicesor making sales calls. Maybe you want to start a business, but you haven’t.Maybeyouwanttoaskforaraiseorapromotion,butyouhaven’t.

It’s theclassic andoften-quotedquip fromhockey legendWayneGretzky,“Youmissonehundredpercentoftheshotsyoudon’ttake.”

MaybeyouhavewhatIcall“focus-itis,”theinabilitytofocusononethingandgetitfinished,whichleavesyouwithalotofwastedeffortandnothingtoshowfortheblood,sweat,andtears.

Whatever itmightbe,use this framework togetclearaboutyourOrdinaryWorld,sowecanunleashyourtrueperformancecapabilities.

THEFIVEBRIDGESTOPROGRESS

Quick question: Have you paid attention to the content or topic of theconversationsyou’vehadwithpeoplelately?

Icanguaranteethey’llfallintooneofthefollowingFiveBridges.Irefertothemasbridgesbecausebridgesarepathwaystoallowthingstocomeinandoutofanarea.Foryou,theseFiveBridgescaneitherhelporhurtthequalityofyourprofessional,athletic,orpersonallife.

StoppingStartingContinuingLessofMoreof

Thevastmajorityoflife’sconversationswhenitcomestosomeonechangingsomethingisfoundinoneofthosefiveintentions.

“I want to stop smoking . . . stop eating unhealthy . . . stop drinking somuch...stopgoingtobedsolate...stopyellingatmykids...stopleavingthingstothelastminute...”

“I want to start eating more vegetables . . . start working out in themorning...startmarketingmybusinessmoreconsistently...starthavingmorefun...startspendingeveningswithmykids...”

“I want to continue working out . . . I want to continue my pregameroutine. . .Iwanttocontinueengagingonsocialmediaformybusiness . . .I

wanttocontinuehavingweeklyteammeetings...”“IwanttowatchlessTV...Iwanttospendlesstimeonsocialmedia...I

want tofeel less tiredafter lunch . . . Iwant tospendless timewith that toxicgroupofpeople...”

“Iwanttoreadmoregoodbooks...Iwanttogoonmoredatenightswithmywife...Iwanttohangoutwithfriendsmore...Iwanttoswimmore...Iwanttolaughmore...”

If you really started to pay attention to your life, you’d find these topicsrepeat themselves hourly. For the purposes of this exercise and to help youuncoverevenmorehelpfulmaterial toworkwithonourquest,we’regoing toaddonefinalfiltertoyourFiveBridges.

Thinking,feeling,doing,andexperiencing.These are the four planes we’re always living in:What are you thinking,

what are you feeling, what are you doing, and what are you experiencing orgettingasaresult?

InthecontextofyourOrdinaryWorldandtheFieldofPlayyou’vechosen,we’regoingtousetheFiveBridgesframeworkthroughoutthebooktohelpyougetclearaboutwhat’sworkingandnotworkingandpowerupyourAlterEgo.Becausewe’re specifically talking about the results or outcomes you’d like tochange,we’llonlybeusing twoof the“bridges” tohelpdefineyourOrdinaryWorldonthespecificFieldofPlayyou’vechosen.Makealistforeachcategorybelow,andaskyourself,“WhatdoIwantto...”

Stopexperiencing/stopgettingasaresultoroutcomeExperiencelessof/getlessof

Tomakeiteasierforyou,theseresultswouldallbethingsyoucouldhear,see,taste,touch,orsmell.Forexample,maybeyouwantto:

StopnotseeingmycreativeworkgetoutthereExperiencelessincompleteworkStopseeingmysalesnumbersdeclineHearfewerpeoplecomplainaboutmycooking/painting/writingorcreativeworkStopseeingmydaywastedwithsocialmediaStoplivingwhereI’matLoselessStophearingmycoachcriticizemypoorperformanceSpendless

EatlessHearlessrejectionMakefewerbogiesasagolferTakefewerpenaltiesSpendlesstimeonthebenchSpendlesstimeathomeStopseeingmyto-dolistgrowStophearingmyfamilycriticizemeortellmetogetmotivated(Togetmoreinspirationfromothers,gotoAlterEgoEffect.com/tribe.)

WhenI’mworkingwithaclient,Ihavethemdoahugedatadump.Befreeand honest whilemaking this list. Don’t try to censor or edit right now. ThebeautyofthisexerciseisthatitgetsyousuperclearonyourOrdinaryWorld,theresults,andtheoutcomesthatyou’recurrentlyexperiencing.Onceyouhavethislistmade,thenyoucanstarthebiggestpriorities.

Youmaynotbeable todoeverything. IfyouwantaneffectiveAlterEgo,youneedtofocusononeFieldofPlay.GetdisciplinedandfocusonbuildingapowerfulAlterEgothatwillchangehowyoushowuponyourFieldofPlay.

Thegreat thingabout theFiveBridgesofProgressexercise is that it reallyallowsyou to reflecton theentiretyofyourFieldofPlay. It forcesyou togetreal about how you’re currently living, acting, feeling, and thinking in yourOrdinaryWorld.But then it flips immediately intosomethingpositive. Insteadofdwellingonwhatyouwanttostoporwhatisn’tworking,we’regoingtoflipto what you do want and what you want to start experiencing—this is theExtraordinaryWorld.Butwe’llgettothatinafewchapters.

I often tellmy clients, “I don’t carewhat your answers are,” and I don’t.Eachofuschooses to liveour lives.All I concernmyselfwith iswhethermyclients’actions,thoughts,andemotionsarealignedwithwhattheyreallywant.Whenwe’realigned,that’swhenthemagichappens.Mostofusaren’taligned.We’refightingagainstaninternaltensionthathasadeepdesiretobelivinginanExtraordinaryWorld, if there was only something “outside of us” that wouldchange. Don’t stay trapped by this thinking, because that’s where the Enemylives.

Justbehonestwithyourself.Beinghonestwithyourself ishowyou’ll findtheemotionalresonance—thedrivingforce,thepurpose—thatwillfueltheAlterEgo.

FINISHINGTHECONVERSATIONATTHIRTYTHOUSAND

FEET

As the famous author told me more about his backstory, I wrestled with athought:Whywashesopassionateabout thatglobe?Well, Iwasabout togetmyanswer.

“Sohowdidyoufinallymaketheswitchanddefeattheresistance?”Iasked.Helaughedandsaid,“Procrastination,oddlyenough.”“Oh,really?”“Yes.IwassittinginmyarmchairreadingabookaboutthefamousFrench

novelistVictorHugo, and something in his story struckme. Itwas the quote,‘Nothingismorepowerfulthananideawhosetimehascome.’Ithitmelikeabookupsidethehead.Ifeltlikehewasspeakingtome.

“So I got up from the chair, walked over to my shelf, grabbed the smallglobe,placeditonmydesk,androtatedthecountryofFrancetofaceme,andIbegantochannelVictorHugo.VictorbecamemywritingAlterEgo.Thewordsstartedtoflowoutofme,because‘mytimehadcome.’”

So,doyouhaveaclearpictureinyourheadofyourOrdinaryWorld?Doyouknowwhat’sfrustratingyou?Ifyoudo,great,becauseyourtimehascometostepintoyourExtraordinary

World.

Chapter5

FindingYourMomentsofImpact

Wesatinsideaboardroom,withawallofglasssurroundingus,overlookingtheconcrete jungleofNewYorkCity,watchingthousandsofNewYorkersracingaroundfarbelow.

ShaunandIwerelookingoutatthelandscapewhilehewaspointingoutthebuildingsacrossthecitywherehehadclients.Itwasanimpressivecollectionoftall skyscrapers. Shaun is the head of cloud storage at a large technologycompany and works exclusively with the world’s biggest banks and financialinstitutions. Shaun and I met because I was mentoring his daughter, an elitesoccer player. After he sawwhat we were implementing to help her performmoreconsistently,hewantedthesamehigh-performancestrategiesforhisowncareer.

Wewalkedbackovertothebigtableandhesatdown.Ipickedupasetofred,blue,andblackmarkersandturnedtothewhiteboardtogettowork.Todaywasthedayweweregoingtomapoutaplanforhisgoalofbeingthenumberonesalesproducerinthecompany.Nosmallfeat,becausehewasworkingataFortune50organization.

I asked him what a normal day looked like. He told me about clientmeetings, giving presentations, dinners, talking to people on the phone, andhandlingsomeadministrativework.

“What areyoupaid todo?Likewhat isyourboss judgingyouon inyourperformancereviews?”Iwantedhimtodrilldownandgethyperspecificonhisperformance.Iwantedhimtogetcrystalclearaboutwhatwouldtrulymovetheneedleonhiscareer.

“I’m hired to grow the cloud computing market in New York City,specificallythefinancialmarket.”

“Great.Andhowareyoudoingintheeyesofyourbosses?”Iasked.“Good.Ihitmynumbers.”“Is‘hittingyournumbers’whatyouwant?”“No.IknowIcanbedoingalotmoreandI’mleavingalotinthetank.”“Okay,well, let’s look at yourField ofPlay andworkbackward from the

ultimategoalofclosingmoredealsandseeifwecanidentifythethingsweneedtochangetomakeithappen.”

TARGETMAPPING

Target mapping is defining your final outcome or goal and then workingbackwardfromthattargettobuildastrategyandplantoreachthegoal.Otherscall it “end-in-mind.” Extremely successful people in anywalk of life have afantasticability to think thisway. Ifyouever findyourself feeling likeyou’rewalking a bit aimlessly, it’s most likely because you haven’t defined adestination,goal,oroutcomeandyou’rejust“doing.”

Pickingatargetandthenworkingbackwardhelpsyouseealltheimportantstepsorstagesyouneedtoreachinorderforthatdesiredendresulttohappen.

Wanttowakeuprefreshedandrestedatsixeverymorning?Wanttohave$1millionininvestmentsworkingforyouintenyears?Want to end a tournament with your hands raised, feeling victorious and

ecstaticaboutyourperformance?Wanttohavealean,fit,andhealthybodyyou’reproudofinninetydays?Wanttoshowupattheairportninetyminutesbeforeyourflight?Then work backward to map out a plan with the steps that will ensure it

happens. Does itmean you’ll reach your goal with 100 percent certainty?Ofcoursenot.However,you’vejustincreasedthelikelihoodbyavastmargin.

OnceIcouldhelpShaungetclearabouthisrealpurposeinthecompany—growingthecloudcomputingrevenuesinthefinancialmarketinNewYorkCitytoaspecificlevel—itwouldbeeasiertoeliminatethedistractionsandfocushisenergyontheactionsthatmatter.

Workingbackward,wekeyedinontheactionsthatwouldhavearealimpacton whether he grew the financial market in New York. The list we madeincluded things like client meetings, calls reaching out to prospective clients,relationship-building lunches, and presentations. These were the importantactivitiesonShaun’scareerFieldofPlay. Ifwewere talkingabouthis family,personalwell-being,orsportsFieldsofPlay,theactivitieswouldlookdifferent,obviously. But Shaun was focused on creating excellence in this part of hiscareer,sothat’swherewefocused.

WebrokedowntheseactivitiesandlookedcloselyathisperformanceontheField of Play. These are what I refer to as Moments of Impact. They’re theactions,opportunities,events,situations,orexpectationswiththegreatestimpacton your success.Moments of Impact are filledwith themost resistance,most

emotion, andmost challenge because they occurwhenyoumight be themostvulnerable.

Itcouldbe:

AskingforthesaleTakingtheshotPuttingyourwordsonpaperandwritingMakingaspeechinfrontofacrowdSpeakingupwhenyouhearsomethingwrongApologizingSaying,“Iloveyou”InvestingyourmoneySubmittingyourresumeTakingatest

ThisistheplaceontheFieldofPlayModelwheretheActionLayermeetstheFieldofPlayLayer.[Figure3.5]Thesearethosemomentswhereyoumaybejudgedbyothersforyouractions,yourresults,andyourresponse.TheCommonandHiddenForcesoftheEnemystandguardatthesemoments.(Ifyou’dliketoget an infographic on the map of how everything works together, go toAlterEgoEffect.com/resources.)

FrenchcriticCharlesDuBosoncesaid,“The important thing is this: tobereadyatanymomenttosacrificewhatweareforwhatwecouldbecome.”

The truth of life is, no matter how successful you are, no matter thestratospheresyoureach, thereare timeswhenyoustill struggle,whenyoustillfeelyou’reunderperforming.Everyone,eventheworld’smosteliteathletesandmostsuccessfulbusinesspeople,strugglessomewhereontheirplayingfield.Theoneswhosucceedaretheoneswillingtolookattheirgamefilmordataandgethonestabouthow they’re showingup.Sometimesyou lack thecourage to try,and sometimes you lack the courage to admit you’ve been trying the wrongthings.

ShaunandItookacloselookathispastsuccessesandhispastfailurestoseewhatwecoulduncoverthatcouldmakeabigdifference.

“Ofallyouractivities,isthereonethat,whenyou’vedoneitinthepast,hascreatedmorebusinessopportunitiesforyou?”Iasked.

“Yeah, when I host ‘lunch-and-learn sessions’ at the office and inviteprospective accounts and even existing accounts. I’ll give them a littlepresentation about what we’re working on, show them the new technology,introduceteammembers,andanswerquestions.”

“Awesome.Sohowmanyoftheselunchesdidyoudolastyear?”“Uh,Ididone.”Hisanswerthrewme.“Seriously?It’syourmostsuccessfulactivity,andyou

stoppedatone?”Iprodded.Helaughed.“Yeah,notthesmartestmove.”“No judgment,” I said. “Obviously, there are reasonswhy you didn’t host

more lunches. If you found that one thing that makes a pretty significantdifference in your performance and what your boss is judging you on, whatstoppedyoufromdoingitmore?”

Remember in the lastchapter, theFiveBridges toProgress? Ifyou lookatthat previous question,we found a “More of” bridge. Iwas trying to uncoverwhatShaunwasthinkingorfeelingaboutthatactivity.

“It’sthelogistics.Scheduling,gettingthespacebooked,orderingthelunch,gettingguestpassesapproved,andonandon,”hesaid.“Ijustdon’tlikedoingalltheadministrativestuff.”

“Itsoundslikeyouneedsomehelpwithprojectmanagement,”Isaid.So,wegothistechnologypartnerat thecompanyonthephone,andheagreedtohelpout. We opened up Shaun’s calendar and scheduled six “lunch-and-learnsessions”overthenextninetydaysrightthereonthespot.

Onceweclearedthatoffhisplate,weturnedtohispresentationskills.“Howdoyoufeelaboutmakingpresentations?”“I’m a people person, but presenting to these people is tough.They’re the

most hard-nosed negotiators in business. The finance world is loaded withsuperstar negotiation specialists. Give me the spotlight, and I’ll shine. But Idon’t feel confident standing in front ofmy customers, plus the presentationscorporategivesusareboringandtoodetailed.Theycouldbesomuchbetter.”

Beyond the confidence issue of being in front of a hardscrabble group ofbusiness pros,we dug aroundmore andwere able to pinpointwhat skills andcapabilitieshefellshorton.Inhiscase,IsuggestedhereadthebookResonate,by Nancy Duarte, to help build more story-driven presentations. Sometimesyou’regiventoolsthataren’toptimizedforyou,soifyoucanchangethem,doit.However, sometimesyou’re just limited towhat is beinggiven toyou, andthat’swhatyourAlterEgowillhelpyouovercomeaswell.That’sjustlife.Noneofusgetseverysingleresourcetosucceed;however,it’swhatyoudowithwhatyou’ve got that will be the difference in whether you find yourself in anOrdinaryorExtraordinaryWorld.

InShaun’scase,weneededtochangethetoolshegot—presentations—thenweworkedoncreatinganAlterEgowhowalkedinconfident,sureofhimself,andrelaxedandwhosawhimselfasaformidableandinfluentialpresenter.

Whenwestartedworkingtogether,itwasneartheendofNovember,andbythe end of February, he had hosted five lunch-and-learn meetings, spawningmoreface-to-facemeetings.Thisnotonlycausedhissalesnumberstosoar,buthealsobrokeanall-timesalesrecordinFebruary.Traditionally,Februaryistheslowestmonth in the tech sector.Hewent frombeing trapped inhisOrdinaryWorldtolivinginanExtraordinaryWorldasherosetothetopofglobalsalesandbegan to be askedby the leaders of the company to share hismethods toeveryone,whichonlyadvancedhiscareerandnotorietyevenmore.

HewouldneverhavepositionedhimselftoleavetheOrdinaryWorldbehindif he hadn’t focused on his Moments of Impact and identified the precisebehaviorsandactionsheneededtochangetogetnewresults.

DIFFERENTMOMENTSOFIMPACT

MyMomentsofImpactaredifferent thanyours, justas theyaredifferent thanJulia’s.JuliaownsaWebandcreativeagencyinPhoenix,Arizona.Withateamof eight, her squad is the driving force between interior design, bloggers, andonlineinfluencers.Byheradmission,she’dbeenstrugglingtogrowherbusinessand tobecomemorevisibleanddominant inherspace,notbecauseshedidn’thavetheskills,butbecausesomethinginternalwasgettingintheway.

HerMomentof Impactoccursduringclientnegotiations.“Iwant topleaseeveryone,”shesays.“Iwanttosayyestoeverything.ButthenIgetmyselfintoahugeheapoftroublebecause,sometimes,whatI’vepromisedisn’tdoableonthebackend.OrIendupinacyclewhereIhavetoletpeopledownbecauseIoverpromised.”

DuringherMomentof Impact, Juliadoesn’t standherground; shedoesn’tstand up for what she believes or wants. She falls back into people pleasing,whichkeepsherstuckunderperforming.

“I’vehearditsincemyteenageyears,andwhenIstartedmybusiness:‘Julia,you’retoosoft.Peoplearegoingtowalkalloveryou,andyou’renotgoingtogetanywhere.’”

But as she explained to me, she doesn’t believe she’s too soft. “I’mincrediblyambitiousanddeterminedontheinside,butthat’snotshowingontheoutside.”

Julia is like a lot ofpeople.Shehas the skills andcapabilities.She’sbeenincrediblysuccessfulinherchosenpath,butit’salsobeenagrind.She’shadtofightagainstsomepowerfulinternalobstaclestogettowheresheis.

OnherbusinessFieldofPlay,whenshe’snegotiatingwithclients,insteadof

being strong and assertive in thatMoment of Impact, she kowtows. She’s toosweet, too accommodating, and she lets clients walk all over her. Sheovercommitsandoverpromises,although,deepdown,sheknowssheshouldn’t.HerHeroicSelfisn’tcomingforward,and,asaresult,herbusinessisn’tgrowingthewayshewantsitto.

She came tomebecause shewasn’t consistently acting like the leader sheknewshecouldbe.

RECOGNIZINGYOURMOMENTOFIMPACT

Your Moment of Impact comes down to knowing what outcomes you’resupposedtocreateonyourFieldofPlay.Whatarethetraits,capabilities,skills,attitudes, beliefs, values, and all the other bits and pieces that you need tosucceed?

Just likeShaunandJulia,youhaveaMomentof Impact thatdroveyou topick up this book. Something is happening, some behavior and action you’retaking—or not—in yourMoment of Impact that’s influencing the results andcreatinganOrdinaryWorld.

WehavetofindnotonlyyourMomentofImpact,buttheprecisebehaviorsandactionsyou’retaking,ornot,thatarecausingyoutocomeupshort.

Are administrative tasks like Shaun’s yourMoments of Impact? Probablynot. They’re responsibilities, but they’re not going to catapult your career inunimaginable ways, like, say, delivering a killer presentation in front of yourboss.ThosetasksweretheobstaclestohisMomentofImpact.

What you’re looking for are thosemoments thatwill give you the highestrate of return, or the moments that hold the opportunity to provide you thehighestpercentageofreturn.

You’re looking for thoseMoments of Impact where you sometimes bringyour Heroic Self, but not nearly enough of the time. If you could show updifferently,you’dgetadifferentresult.

You’re not going to concern yourself right now with moments you don’tstrugglewith,eventhoughtheymightbeessentialtoyoursuccess.

AsIsharedearlierinthebook,IstartedusinganAlterEgoinmybusinesslifebecauseIwasalwaysconcernedwithwhatpeoplethoughtofme.Iwassohyperconcernedwithmyimageinotherpeople’seyesthatitcausedmetobeapersonIdidn’t like.NowI’mentirelyindifferenttohowIcomeacrosswhenImeet people for the first time. I know that I’ll treat peoplewith kindness andrespectjustbecauseit’stherightthingtodo,andnotbecauseI’mtryingtoget

themtolikeme.Ifsomeonedoesn’tlikeme,fine.Iftheydo,fine.Itwon’taffectwhoI’llbeormyself-assessment.Somepeople,whentheymeeta leadertheyviewasmoreimportant,willstumbleovertheirwords.Insteadofearninganewfriend ormaking a business connection, they become fanboys or fangirls andturnthatpersonoff.

One of Julia’sMoments of Impact was during client negotiations. One ofShaun’swasaccountpresentations.Early inmycareer,myMomentof ImpacthappenedwhenImetwithprospectiveclients.IfeltlikeIstutteredandstumbledandcameoffastooindecisiveandinsecuretoclosethesale.

HerearethreeeverydayMomentsofImpact.Usethemasinspirationtofindyours.(Ifyou’dliketogetamoreextensivebreakdownacrossdifferentworldslikesports,business,andpersonallife,gotoAlterEgoEffect.com/moi.)

Delivering presentations or speaking publicly. Sweaty palms, shortbreaths,nervoustics,andjumbledsentencesgreetcountlesspeople.Theyknowtheycan’tavoidhavingtogiveapresentationatastaffmeeting,ortheyrealizethat to up their online business, they need to start hosting more webinars ortrainingseminars.IworkwithquiteafewpeoplewhostruggleinthisMomentof Impact, which, when they underperform, can significantly handicap theircareers.Youneedtoseemmorethancomfortableinthespotlight;peoplewanttoseepublicspeakerswhoseemborntodothis.This is truewhetheryoufindyourself in the corporate boardroom, on a stage at an event, or during a teammeeting.

I also see a variation of this when some people get so nervous or are soinsecure—doubting, worrying, or judging—about their abilities andcontributionsthatinsteadofsharingtheirthoughtsandideasinameeting,theyremainsilent.

Networking ormeeting someone for the first time. Some people, whentheywalk into an event, becomewallflowers. They only talkwith the peopletheyknow,ortheyseemsouncomfortablethattheycomeacrossasnervousandawkward. Other people kick into overdrive and zip around a room spittingbusinesscardsout toeveryonewhomakeseyecontactwith them.I’veworkedwith peoplewhomow through an entire room, layingwaste to it andmissingreal opportunities to connect with people in meaningful ways. Meeting andconnectingwithpeopleremainsoneofthecriticalwayswegrowourbusinessesandcareers.

Closingasale.Therearetimeswhensomeonesignalsthatthey’rereadytobuyaproductorservice.Sadly,theselleristoobusyfollowingtheirsequenceorprocess, so they miss him or her. They act like robots instead of displayingflexibility and behaving like a human. People can get hung up on asking

someone else for money, and they end up fumbling with the conversation.They’ll keep talking, and I’ve seen them unsell. Or they never close the salebecausetheycomeacrossastooinsecureortootimid.

WHAT’SYOURMOMENTOFIMPACT?

If you apply theFiveBridges of Progress to theActionLayer, you’llwant toapplythesetwoelementsoftheframework:

Stopdoing/stopholdingback/stopavoiding/stopbehaving/stopchoosingDolessof/chooselessof

Remember, the Action Layer contains your actions, reactions, behaviors,skills, andknowledge. It’s all the capabilitiesyou’rebringing toyourFieldofPlay.Howareyoushowingup?Howareyouacting?Howareyoubehaving?Whatchoicesareyoumaking?IfyoupassallthosequestionsoverthebridgesofStopandLessof,youmayfindsomekeythingspreventingyoufromachievingwhatyouwant.

This is about looking at the Action Layer of the Field of Play Model toinvestigate how it might be affecting your results. Just like in your OrdinaryWorld, be clear with your answers. Be precise. Be descriptive about what’shappeningornothappeningduringyourMomentofImpact.

Remember, you’re gathering all the data right now. Later, you’ll build anAlterEgowhowill showup in a differentway—possibly the oppositeway—fromwhat’shappeningrightnowinyourOrdinaryWorld.

Ifyouneedto,gobacktothelastchapterandseewhatyouwrote.Youmayhave discovered your Moment of Impact when you described your OrdinaryWorld.Activateorstaytrapped,thoseareouronlyoptions.

Withtheworkyou’vejustdone,youmaybegettingalotclearerabouthowyou’regoingtobeshowinguponyourFieldofPlayandthenewresultswaitingforyou.Why?Because,toensurewe’veexploredyourentireworld,we’regoingtoshinealightonwhat’sbeendrivingthisperformance—orunderperformance.Up until now, you’ve had this thing lurking in the shadows, preventing yourHeroicSelf,withallyourcapabilities,skills,andtalents,fromcomingforth.It’soperatedandactedintheshadows,cloakedinsecrecy,butnotformuchlonger—becausenowit’stimetoshinealightontheEnemy.

Chapter6

TheHiddenForcesoftheEnemy

Thecoachontheotherendof thephonewasgettingmoreagitatedandfinallyyelledintohisphone,“Sheshouldbewinningmajorchampionships,butinstead,sheblowsthesematchesshecouldbeeasilywinning!Ijustdon’tgetit!”

Aftertalkingtothecoachforaboutfifteenminutes,weagreedIwouldbeagood fit to become a part of the team.Rachel is an incredibly talented tennisplayer who handily dominates her opponents early in the match. But shestrugglestoholdontothebigleadsandmomentumshebuilds.Tothearmchairanalyst,itwouldlooklikeshelosesallthegasinhertankandcan’tfinish.Herplaysputtersout,andheropponentscanoftencomefrombehindforthevictory.

WhenImetwithRachelforthefirsttime,andIranherthroughthementalgame and performance assessment, it wasn’t clear exactlywhy therewas thisconflictbetweenwhatshewascapableofandhowshewasperforming.ItonlybecameclearbecauseofaBLTsandwich.

RachelandIweresittingdownatoneofmyfavoritecomfortfoodplacesinManhattan,Penelope’s, on theEastSide. It’s a tinyplacewithgreat food andoneofthebestBLTsyou’lleverhave.ShewaspassingthroughNewYorkforamedia event, andwe discussed her training, the upcoming season, and life ingeneral.Whenthebillcame,Ireachedforit,butshesnatcheditquickerthantheflapofabee’swings.

“Thisone’smine.Yougotthelastone.”“No,no,no,” I said.“I invitedyouout for lunch.Thoseare the rules.The

invitedneverhastopay.”“Youcangetthenextone.It’sonlyfair.”Boom! It all clicked.This insignificant back-and-forth finallymade all the

puzzlepiecesfittogether.Iexplainedthisearlier,butit’ssuchanimportantconceptthatI’mgoingto

repeat it:WeexistonmultipleFieldsofPlay.Thehomefield, thesportsfield,thefriendsfield,thework/careerfield,thehobbyfield,thehealthandwellnessfield, and so forth. On each of these fields, we’re called to take on differentroles. Each role has a different set of requirements. My dad role and my

professional role are very different. Just likemy sporting role andmy spouserolearedifferent.Thosearealldifferentfieldsorstagesyouenterandperformon,andtheydemanddifferentpartsofyourselftoshowupandbegreat.

We’re showing up as different versions of ourselves all the time. This isnatural,and it’shuman.Rightnow,youmaybebringingaversionofyourselfwithspecificqualitiesandtraitstoyourFieldofPlayandinaMomentofImpactthat isn’t serving you. It isn’t positioning you to succeed, let alone live, in anExtraordinaryWorld,whichiswhereyou’dlovetobe.

So, who or what is influencing this version of you showing up in theOrdinaryWorld?

InsidetheworldoftheAlterEgoEffectwecallittheEnemy.TheEnemyisaforcecreatinginnerconflictandstoppingyoufromshowing

upasyourHeroicSelf.Sincethebeginningoftime,humanshavetalkedaboutthis phenomenon. Carl Jung called this the Shadow. In StarWars, it was theDarkSideoftheForce.TomythologistJosephCampbellitwasthedragonsthatneededslaying.

I assure you, the Enemy is nothing new, strange, or unnatural. It isn’tsomethingtohateorbeatyourselfupover,althoughwe’retypicallyverygoodatdoingthattoourselves.

Life is a duality. It’s about opposites.Light anddark.Birth anddeath.Upanddown.Insideandoutside.Dayandnight.Yinandyang.Thenaturalworldisfilledwithduality,andyou’reapartofthatnaturalorder,too.Whatyou’vebeenfighting—theEnemy—isactuallyanaturalpartofhowyou’rebuilt.

And,oh,bytheway,ithastobethere.Fortheretobelight,therehastobedark.Fortheretobeup,therehastobe

down.FortheretobetheHero,therehastobetheEnemy.It’saboutbalance.AndwhiletheEnemyisapartofyou,it’snotyou.TheEnemyisnotonlyabouttheworryandjudgmentyoufearfromothers;

it’salsoablendingofcertainbeliefsandvalues,andthespecific traits—skills,capabilities,behaviors—thataregettingmagnifiedandtrappingyoufromtakingtheactionyouwant.

TheEnemyisthesourceofthoseunwantedbehaviorsandactionsthatIhadyou identify in the last chapter. Whether you’re meek during a negotiation,whether you pass the ball or don’t pass it enough, whether you refuse tovolunteertoleadaprojectorsayyestotoomanythings,that’stheforceoftheEnemytrappingyou.TheEnemyisstealingyourmomentfromyou,andkeepingyoutuckedaway,safeandsound,intheOrdinaryWorld.

THECOMMONFORCES

THECOMMONFORCES

The Enemy hides in the shadows, pulling, twisting, and wielding what I callCommon Forces. It creates a cascading effect of negative thoughts, emotions,and behaviors that impact, and explain, how and why we show up andunderperformonourFieldofPlayorinaMomentofImpact.

The Common Forces that can hold us back from achieving our goals arethingslike:

NotcontrollingouremotionsLackingself-confidenceWorryingaboutwhatothersmaythinkofusDoubtingourabilitiesTakingmorerisksinlifeNotbeingintentionalAbadattitude

When you think back to the Field of PlayModel [Figure 3.5], theEnemylikestousetheseforcesatanyofthelayers.

WorryingandfeelinganxiousaboutyourFieldofPlayandthepeopleonit; your boss, your coach, your opponent, the market, home field, thepressureofthesituation.Doubtingwhetheryouhavetheskills,abilities,resources,orgrittomakeithappen.Topullitoff.Towin.Lackingtheself-confidencetoshowupandperformatyourbest,despitethefactyoudohavetheskills.Concerningyourselfwith the risksof tryingsomethingnewandpossiblyfailingatit,evenifit’sasmallstep.

Youenduprationalizingthatit’seasiertoplayitsafe,becauseyouwon’tgetfiredorcutfromtheteam.However,yourTrueSelffeelsthestingofnottakingthechance.

Having a bad attitude can become a way to excuse yourself from tryingharder,fromovercomingtheresistanceandfundamentallymakingyourselffeelsafe. Have you ever told yourself you don’t need to practice today? That it’sokaytobelazytoday,andyou’llworktwiceashardtomorrow?

The only reason I call these common is that they’re the forces youwouldmost commonly talk about among friends, teammates, family, and peers. TheexampleIgaveaboutmepunchingsomeoneonthevolleyballcourtoutofanger

isagoodexampleofnotbeingabletocontrolmyemotions.Therewasn’tsomedeeperreasonlurkingintheshadows.Itwasjustplainol’immaturityandlackofemotional control. The simple fact that these are obvious forces doesn’tmakethemanylesstroublesome.However,asyou’llfindout,anAlterEgocanmoreeasilyovercomethesetypesofforces.

TheonlyCommonForceIhaven’tmentionedyetisnotbeing“intentional,”andthat’sbecauseit’snotoftendiscussed.However,itiscommontothelackofresultsmostpeoplearegetting.ThepowerofthinkingintermsofFieldsofPlayallowsyoutobedeliberateandintentionalwithwhoisshowingup,whichisoneof the great benefits of having an Alter Ego. The problem that arises whensomeoneisn’tbeingintentionalisthattheycancarryaspectsoftheirpersonalityonto theFieldofPlay thatarenotsuitedfor theactivity. I’llbegettingdeeperintothisforcethroughout thebookaswecreateyourAlterEgo.I’llalsoshowyouhowitaffectedRachel,thetennisplayer,laterinthechapter.

The human mind is a powerful factory able to produce any number ofpowerfulimagesandemotionsthatcaneitherhelporhurtyourcause.

“You’re not ready for that promotion. You’ve never managed peoplebefore.”

“Are you sure you want to spend that much on an investment property?That’sabigriskandyou’veonlyeverdonesmallerdeals.”

“Don’ttaketheshot,whatwilleveryonethinkifyoumissit?”“Mary is a better chef than you and even she doesn’t have her own

restaurant.Whydoyouthinkyou’llbeabletoopenarestaurant?”“YoushouldprobablyletCharliebethecaptain.He’sabetterleader.”“You’restartingyourbusinesstoolateinlife.Youshould’vedonethisyears

ago.Youmissedyouropportunity.”“You’re not very good at doing sales pitches, so you’ll probably have a

toughtimeraisingmoney.”“Yournewmarketingstrategysucks!”

Do any of these statements sound familiar? The Enemy will use theseworries,doubts, andconfidencebusters topreventanychanceofyoushowingup as you truly can. I workedwith a basketball playerwho struggled to stopworryingaboutwhathisparents,andthefansinthestand,thoughtofhisplay.Hebecamesowrappedupinwhatotherpeoplethoughtofhimthathestruggledtosettleintoarhythmandmadealotofmistakesbecausehisheadwasn’tinthegame. The fact is, he’s one of thousands I’ve seen worry about what othersthought.

As a CFO for a consulting firm, Karen’s biggest struggle was givingpresentations.Asanexecutive,thiswasamajorpartofherjob.Itdidn’tmatterthatherinformationandanalysiswereonpoint,orthatshe’salwaysoneofthesharpestandbrightestmindsintheroom.Shedoubtedherself.

The statement “I can’t give presentations”was a loop in hermind before,during, and after the presentation.When shewould stand before a group, hernerves and anxietywere visible.Her voicewould sometimes crack, andwhenasked a question, shewould stutter, stumble, and ramble, in themost painfulways.

She didn’t just judge herself; she was also plagued by worries that otherpeople were judging her, which created a vicious cycle that perpetuated thebeliefthatshewasn’tanexcellentpresenter.

I’vefoundthatmostpeoplehavetheskillsandknowledgealreadyavailabletothemtotransformtheirresults,Karendid,andshefoundanAlterEgotobeattheEnemyandstep intobeingagreatpresenter.TheEnemy is sneakilyusingthe forces to concoct a persuasive argument against you, preventing you fromtakingaction,likestartingthatbusinessorgoingafterthepromotion.

By the way, I’m not advocating for people to pretend they have highlytechnical skills without doing the work. If you want to be a cardiothoracicsurgeon, you need advanced degrees and years of schooling and experiencebeforeyou’re ready tostep into that role.Butwhenyoudostep into that role,youneedtobringyourAgame100percentofthetime.

While those are theCommonForces that can slowyoudownor stopyou,thereareHiddenForces thatareharder todetectandcancontrolyour life likestringsonapuppet.Theycomeintheformof:

1. Impostersyndrome2. Personaltrauma3. Narratives

HIDDENFORCE1:IMPOSTERSYNDROME

WhenIstartedworkingwithDave,hehadalreadystartedandgrownathrivingbusiness selling software products. He had gained a significant amount oftraction in themarket, and hewas ready to scale and expand. To do that, heneededtomoveintothecorporatespacewherehehadroomtogrow.Hedidn’thaveasteadyenoughcashflowtofund thenextgrowthstage,so, for thefirsttime,hewassearchingfor investors—venturecapitalists, tobeexact.Withhis

trackrecordofsuccess,itwaseasyforhimtolandmultiplemeetingswithsomehigh-profileVCs.

YouwouldthinkthateverythingwasalignedforDave,anditwas.Except,Davewasn’talignedwithDave.Insteadofswaggeringintothosemeetings,hecreptintothemlikeadogwith

its tail tucked between its legs. It’s no shock to learn he wasn’t getting theresponseshehadhopedfor.That’swhenhecametome.

After I had talked toDave for awhile, it becameobvioushewasa smart,competent, and accomplished person. However, Dave didn’t see himself asaccomplished.Hebasicallydismissedawaya lotofhisachievementsandhardwork as “luck” or “right place, right time,” and he plainly didn’t believe hebelongedwiththeseotherventurecapitalists.

What afflicted Dave is a force called imposter syndrome. Many highachievers and successful people struggle with it. If your Enemy is throwingimposter syndrome at you, you can take some solace in the company you’rekeeping.People likeAlbertEinstein,MayaAngelou,JohnSteinbeck,andTinaFey—to name a few—were or are all highly accomplished people who havespokenorwrittenaboutfeelinglikeafraud.

WhentheEnemyrearsupintheformofimpostersyndrome,itwillwhisperasinisternarrativeintoyourear,spinningastorythatyoursuccessismoreaboutluck or serendipity or your genes than hardwork. It causes people to dismisstheir skills and capabilities or previouswins. Imposter syndrome is oneof themost insidious little rots thatcan influenceyourbehaviorsand theactionsyoutakeonyourFieldofPlay.

SteveJobssaid,“Youcan’tconnectthedotslookingforward;youcanonlyconnectthemlookingbackward.”

This is what the Enemy will do to explain away our achievements andsuccess.Itconnectsallthedotsthatcamebeforeinalogicalsequenceandspinsa compelling narrative that downplays and dismisses our hard work andaccomplishments.

“Yeah,well,Iwasintherightplaceattherighttime,”theEnemywillsay.“Of course, I won an award. I’ve been doing this a long time, and it wasinevitable. I’d be a loser if I didn’t win something by now.” Or the force ofimposter syndrome will rationalize, “It’s not that big a deal—a lot of otherpeoplehavedoneit.”

There’sjustnoowninganysuccessyouachieveandstackingitinyourwincolumn.Theforcejustwon’tletithappen.

What happens when imposter syndrome has you in its grip? You becometerrified you’ll be foundout.Despite all her acclaim and success, this iswhat

MayaAngeloufeared.“Ihavewritten11books,buteachtimeIthink,‘Uh-oh,they’regoingtofindoutnow.I’verunagameoneverybody,andthey’regoingtofindmeout.’”1Youmightbesurprisedtofindouthowmanyaccomplishedpeoplethinktothemselvesthey’llbe“foundout,”thenostracizedandridiculed.However,it’sirrational.Itwouldonlyhappenifyouactuallydidhavenoskill,noability,ornoknowledge,butthatisn’tthecaseformostpeople.

This is the ultimate fear, isn’t it? Being found out and kicked out of ourtribe?Bynature,we’re tribal.Humans survived through themillenniabecausewe were part of a tribe that hunted, gathered, sheltered, and protected oneanotherfromtheelements,frompredators,andfromothertribes.Youcouldn’tbeouthuntingandwatchingthefiresimultaneously.Youneededotherpeopleifyouhadanyhopeofsurvivingthroughthenight.Ifyourtribefindsoutyou’reafraud,ittriggersthatprimordial“Uh-oh,they’regoingtokickmeout!I’mgoingtobecaughtinthewildernessalone!”

When plagued by imposter syndrome, people don’t take themselves, theirabilities,ortheiraccomplishmentsseriously.Ifyoudon’ttakeyourselfseriouslyonanyFieldofPlay,youmostlikelywon’tbegettingtheresultsyouwant.

HIDDENFORCE2:PERSONALTRAUMA

Some people have lived tough lives. They’ve lived through very traumaticevents.Itcouldhavebeenlivingthroughawarorthedeathofaparent.Itcouldhave been the conditions they grew up in, like poverty, an abusive home,discrimination,iftheywereteasedaskids,iftheyhadahealthissue,oriftheylivedthroughsomeothereventthatleftanimpressionwithinthem.

FriedrichNietzsche oncewrote, “To live is to suffer, to survive is to findsomemeaninginthesuffering.”

Youcan’thealemotionalscarswithanAlterEgo.However,youdon’tneedto carry that weight with you everywhere you go. Not to ever dismiss awaytraumas,but thestories theEnemy tellsusaboutourselves,about thoseeventsthat we experienced, often don’t serve us. The Enemy will blame you forbringingitonyourself,ortellyoupeoplewithyourpastcan’tovercomeit.ThatstoryspinninginsideiscomingfromtheEnemy.

TakeJavier,forexample.Javierisasoccerplayerwhosecoachbelievedthebestwaytomotivatehisplayerswastoyellandscreamatthem.Forsomeofthemen, itwaswhat theyneeded.For Javier,not somuch. Javier’s fatherwasanalcoholic,andheranhishomeandhischildrenlikeadrillsergeant.Hisfatherwasanimposingmanwithafrighteningtemper,whoruledthroughfear.

Whenever Javier’s coach yelled, instead of it being an injection ofmotivatingenergy, it triggeredanemotional reactionconnected tohispersonalhistory.Suddenly those feelingsof terror surfaced. Javier’spastwasgetting inthe way and causing his emotions to kick into overdrive and create a lot ofmistakesandmakealotoffouls.

To be clear, your personal history isn’t the Enemy. The Enemy only usespasttraumasagainstyouifitcan.Peoplehavethingshappentothemallthetimethattheywouldneverwant,buttheyusethemtofueltheirsuccess.Laterinthebook,you’llmeetpeoplewhohaveusedpast traumasas fuelbychanging themeaningof thoseevents.Or they’vecreatedanAlterEgo from thegroundupthatdoesn’tbattlewiththathistoryandcanfinallyshowupastheydesire.

HIDDENFORCE3:TRIBALNARRATIVES

This is one of the more powerful forces because it affects your thinking andbehavior on your Field of Play from the Core Drivers. These are the deeperthings you connect yourself to and the unconscious beliefs you’ve adoptedbecauseofprevailingnarratives.TheEnemyissneaky.Itslipsinunnoticedandattachesitselftostoriesaboutwhatacertaingroupofpeoplecanorcan’tdo.Itcreates beliefs about who is worthy of achieving something, which you mayhaveunwittinglyadoptedandnowcolorthewayyouseetheworldandwhat’spossible.

IfIgrewupwithafamilynarrativethatsaid,“Hermansdon’thavemoney”or“Hermansareaveragepeople,”thenthatthoughtandbeliefwouldimpactmybehavior,myperformance,andmyideasofwhat’spossible.

The Enemy, as a tribal narrative, can also be around your family. It’s thenarrative your family has told for generations. “We’re not entrepreneurs” issomethingIhearfromalotofmybusinessclientswhoare,often,thefirstonesin their families to start a business. Is this story true?No.Anyone can be anentrepreneur.ButtheirEnemyisweavingatalebasedontheirhistoryandwhatthey’veexperienced,andit’saffectingtheselfthat’sshowingup.

AfantasticexampleofsomeonechallengingthestatusquoisdancerMistyCopeland. She’s an accomplished ballet dancer now and the first AfricanAmerican tobenamedprincipaldancerat the famedAmericanBalletTheater.However,asshewasdevelopingasadancer, therewasn’tanyonewho lookedlike her at the highest levels. Not only was she African American in apredominantlywhiteclassicaldanceworld,shewasalsomoremuscularthantheclassical petite frame the balletworldwas used to. Fast-forward to today and

she’snowacelebratedballerinafortheAmericanBalletTheatre,performingonthe biggest stages and in front of thousands of fans. She could have easilysuccumbed to the Enemy telling her African Americans don’t belong in thatworld.However, she chosedifferently andhas inspired awholenewgroupofgirlstodreambig.

Imentioned the need to be a part of a tribewhen explaining the force ofimpostersyndrome.It’s inourDNA.Imagineyouwere living likeacaveman,withsaber-toothedtigersandwoollymammothsroamingtheland.Imagineyougot booted from your tribe. You’d be on your own, forced to hunt, clotheyourself,andfindshelteronyourown.Whowouldprotectyou?

We still cling to that desire to fit in, to findour tribes andbe acceptedbythem.

One of themost influential tribeswe’re a part of is our family. I’ve seenmanypeoplebattle theexpectationsof theirfamilyor thebeliefsaboutwhat itmeans tobeagoodfamilymember.And it’sprevented themfromleading thelives they’ve wanted. I come from a family that’s incredibly close. My twobrothers,sister,andmyparentsalllivenearmyfamily’sfarminAlberta,afarmthat’sbeeninourfamilyforgenerations.

Iwish I livedcloser to themandmykidscouldknowandbearound theircousinsmore. Iwish Icouldseemyfamilymoreoften.But Imadeconsciouschoices to build a life elsewhere. I chose New York City because I knew itwould affordmemore opportunities for career and professional growth. Eventoday,decadesafterleavinghome,IstillfeeltheEnemypullthisstringeverysooften.IstillhearthatnaggingvoicequestioningwhyIleft,andwhatkindofsonorbrotherleaves.

Toooften,theEnemycausesustobecomesoconcernedwithupsettingthepeopleclosest tous that it impactsourdecisions. Itcausesus tomakechoicescountertowhat’sinthebestinterestofourcareers,creativeendeavors,andwhatwetrulywant.

Ican’ttellyouthenumberofpeoplewho,whenwestarttoexaminewhat’sgoingon, turnout tobeafraidofshowingupasaHeroicSelf.Why?Becausethey’reafraidofsuccess,anditcausingthemtoleavetheirOrdinaryWorldandentertheirExtraordinaryWorld,wheretheirfriendsandfamilymaynotaccepttheir new reality. They’ll find themselveswandering in a desolate land, aloneandlonelywithnobodytheretosupportthem.

During an online training event, I was coaching a professor at NewYorkUniversity who previously taught at the University of North Carolina andStanford. For six years he’d been building a business on how to create betterculturesaimedatbusinessleaders.Hecreatedaformulaandcurriculum,andhe

was eager to workwith companies in theNewYorkmetro area. He sees hisExtraordinaryWorldclearly,buthehasn’tbeenabletotakethatfirststepfromtheOrdinarytotheExtraordinary.

“Witha full-time teachingscheduleat theuniversityand the launchof thistrainingcompany,Ijustdon’thavethetime.AndIcan’tgoandhiresomeonetogoandhelpmewiththis,”hebegantotellme.

Istoppedhim.“Wait,whycan’tyougoandhiresomeone?”“Because if the professors in my discipline find out that I was getting

someoneelsetoresearchthisprogram,thenthey’regoingtoridiculeme.”“Howdoyouknowthat’strue?Willthey?”“Well—”hebegan,butIcuthimshort.“You realize that this iswhat stopsmost university professorswho’ve got

smartstuffthattheirclientsandcustomerswouldtrulybenefitfrom?Yourealizethesethoughtsandbeliefsarewhatpreventpeoplelikeyoufromeverlaunchingsomethingoutintothebroaderworld?You’rethinkingandworriedaboutwhatall the other professors, the people in your tribe, think of you.Butwho careswhattheythink?They’renotthepeoplepayingyourpaycheck.They’renotthepeoplewhostandtobenefitfromyourideasandsolutions.”

Hejustsattherestaringatme.Almost every one of us is looking for approval from our peers, from the

peopleweseeandbelieveareourtribe.Whataboutyou?Doesthethirdforcetrapyouinanyway?Familyandpeers

are only a couple of the ways this Enemy can keep you trapped. There arecultural, religious, racial,andgender-specific ideaspeoplehaverattlingaroundintheirheads,too.

“That’s only for those people. If I did that,my peoplewould think I’m asellout.”

“Thepeopleatmychurch/mosque/synagoguewouldn’tlikeitifIdidthat.”“Onlymencandothat.”“Onlywomencandothat.”“I’mgreatatmathandscience,soIshouldbeadoctororengineer.”“Canadiansareniceandneverargue.”(Ihadtoslipthatoneinthere.)Thepointis, therearemanywaystheEnemypushesyoubackfromtaking

action on your goals and causes you to choose to stay trapped. But not forlong...

WhathappenedtoRachel?RememberRachelfromearlierinthechapter?Whatwascausinghertofall

shortonherFieldofPlay,thecourt?WhydidtheBLTsandwichsuddenlymakemerealizewhatwascausingtheEnemytoshowuponthecourt?

It was simple: she valued fairness. Rachel is one of the sweetest, mostkindheartedpeopleI’veevermet.However,whensomeonewouldcutinlineata coffee shop, it would drive her crazy. If she saw a homeless person on thestreet, she’dgive themwhatever shehad tomake theirdaymorecomfortable.Shewasextremelycharitable.

Soyouthink,Great!Howcouldthatbeaproblem!?Weneedmorepeoplelikethat.

I agree; however, there’s a time and a place for everything, and sports orcompetitionisn’ttheFieldofPlayforbeingcharitable.

Iimmediatelycalledheronitandsaid,“Rachel,IthinkI’vefinallycrackedthenutonyou.”

Aswewalkedoutthedoorstotherestaurantandstoodonthecornerof31stStreetandLexingtonAvenuetotalk,shesaid,“Whatdoyoumean?”

So I asked, “When you start beating someone handily and getway up onthem,whatdoyoustartthinkingorfeelingabouttheotherperson?”

Afteralittleback-and-forthtogetclarity,shethoughtforamomentandsaid,“Doyoureallyhavetobeathersobadly?Don’trubitintoomuchandmakeherlookbad.Doyouhavetorubitinthatyou’rebetterthanher?Areyoutryingtoembarrassherlikesomeshow-off?Iwouldhatetolosethisbad.”

“Andthenwhathappens?”“That’swhenIletup.”“Exactly.And that’s because you’re bringing ‘EverydayLifeRachel’ onto

thecourt.TheRachel thatvalues fairnessandallpeoplebeing treatedequally.Andit’scausingyoutoletup.Theonlyfairnessthatmattersonthecourtisthatyouplaybytherulesof thesport,notwhetherornotyouneedto letsomeonelosebyonlyafewpoints.Therearewinnersandlosersincompetition,andyourroleistogiveityourbestandseewhichsideyoufallon.

“Andrightnowyou’re theone that’sdecidingsomeoneshouldn’thave theexperienceof‘embarrassment,humiliation,orfailure,’andyou’rerobbingthemof the opportunity to improve. Because those experiences often create thecatalystforchangeforsomeone,andthat’snotfair.You’regivingthemafalsesenseofhowgoodtheyare.Youneedtouseeveryounceofyourskillonthatcourt, and if that endsup smashing someone,great!You’ve justgiven themagift.”

Shestoodthereforamoment,withtaxiswhizzingbyandpeoplerushingbyusonthesidewalk,andfinallysaid,“Ineverthoughtofitthatway.Itmakessomuchsense!The‘EverydayRachel’hasapurposeandthe‘CourtRachel’needsapersonacustom-fittedtothatenvironment.”

“Precisely.”

There’snothingwrongwithvaluingequality.Except,intheworldofsportsandcompetition, there’snoplaceforit—sportsmanship,sure,butsomeonehastolose.FairnesswassuchacorepartofwhoshewasthatRachelbroughtitwithherontothecourt,anditjustsabotagedherperformance.

WithRachel,Inevertriedtotalkheroutofvaluingfairness,nordidItellhersheneedstochangehervalue.Instead,wecreatedanAlterEgowhodidn’tcarryher definition of fairness onto the Field of Play. Rachel’s Alter Ego insteadvalued fierce competition and winning with honor—like a true championsportswoman.

SogettingbacktotheEnemy’sforces,ifyou’renotclearaboutwhatorwhoneeds to be showing up on your Field of Play, you can end up carrying aTrappedSelfontothatfieldthatwon’tserveyou.

Inthepreviouschapters,weusedtwooftheFiveBridgesofProgress,StopandLessof,attheFieldofPlayLayerandActionLayerofthemodel.Nowit’sabout applying this framework to theBelief Layer andCoreDrivers Layer torevealanyblocksandrevealanyforcesaffectingyourresults.Whatdoyouwantto:

Stopbelieving/stopthinking/stopvaluing/stopprojecting/stopjudging/stopcarryingtheweightofsometribalnarrativeFeellessof/thinklessof/worrylessof/doubtlessof

Ifyou thinkaboutanyof theCommonorHiddenForces,youcouldapplythe“stop”or“lessof”frameworktoanyofthem.

Overtheselastfewchapters,thisactofidentifyingallthethingsyouwantto“Stop,Lessof,”inthewaywe“thought,felt,acted,orexperienced”helpedyouget to thispoint,whereyoucangetclearabout theEnemyandwhatmightbecurrently“trapping”youintheOrdinary.Withoutthisclarity,it’shardtobuildapowerfulAlterEgo,becauseyouwon’tfullyunderstandthe“vision”or“why”behindit.Thatiswhythe“fakeittillyoumakeit”philosophyhasfallenflatforsomanypeople.

“Faking it” until you’re “making it” always carries with it the wrongintention.However, having a clear vision created from a deep desire forwhatyouwantinanExtraordinaryWorldActivatesaHeroicSelf,somethingyoufeeltrulyrepresentswhoyouareandwhatyou’recapableofachievingorcreating.

Conversely, theTrappedSelf isonlyconsideredtrappedbecausewhenyoulookattheresultsyou’recurrentlygettingandwhoisshowingup,itdoesn’tfeelliketherealyou.Jungcalledit theShadow;wecall it theEnemy.AndasI’veshownwithpreviousexamples,itcanbeassimpleasselectingthewrongtraits

touseatthewrongtimes.It’slikethecowboywhobringsaknifetoagunfight.OnadifferentFieldofPlay,thisversionofyourselfmaybethebestversion

you could bring forth, just like Rachel and her fantastic quality of valuingfairness.It’sabitofamindbender,forsure,butit’salsowhatenablesthinkingaboutlifethroughthelensofvaryingFieldsofPlay.

BECOMINGYOUROWNCOACH

Asaperformanceandmentalgamecoach,myjobistoholdupamirrortotheathletes and leaders I’m working with. My job is to get them to see theirbehaviorsandunderstandthedrivingforcebehindhowandwhythey’reshowingupintheirMomentsofImpact.

Whatyou’vejustdoneistakeacloserlookateachoftheforcessothatyoucan hold up your own mirror. For some people, this may feel slightlyuncomfortable. Whenever I’m uncomfortable, I remind myself this is likereviewinggame tape.Athleteswatch film frompractices andgames todissecttheirformandtofindtheareastheyneedtoperfectandpracticetoensuretheyshowupastheirbestselves.

That’sallyou’redoingrightnowwiththeseforces.You’relookingatgametape,collectingintel,andgaininggreaterinsightintowhyyoumaybeshowingupthewayyouarerightnow.

Youmaywanttoreadbackthroughtheforcesandbecurious.Adoptanairof discovery.Think to yourself,Hmm, that’s interesting.Allowyourself to besurprised by what you uncover. These suggestions involve using the intrinsicmotivatorsinherentinallofustolookatyourworldwithabettermindset.

Sometimes the forces may overlap. You may read through the list going,“Yup,Igotthatone,andthatone,oh,andIdefinitelyhavethatone,too.”Youmayfindthatonlyoneresonateswithyou.Youmayevendiscovernothinghits.Ifyoufindyourselfsaying,“Todd,Idon’tknowwheremythoughts,emotions,andbehaviorsarecomingfrom,”that’sokay.Sometimesthereisn’taCommonorHiddenForceatwork.Don’tspendtoomuchtimerummagingaroundinsidethedarkcavern.Ifit’snotthere,it’snotthere.

Be your own coach, and you’ll do just fine. Never forget: the Alter EgoEffectissomethingyouinherentlyalreadyknowhowtodo.WhatifIaskedyou,what would Batman do? Or Ellen DeGeneres? Or James Bond? You’dautomaticallyknowhowtoplaywiththeidea.Maybenotflawlessly,butyou’dbeabletoplaywiththoseAlterEgosandshowupslightlydifferently.Withthisbook, I’m just giving you more depth and firepower to turn this into an

extremelypowerfulforceforchange.So,ifyou’reready,let’sputonelastlabelonthisEnemy.

Chapter7

PullingtheEnemyfromtheShadows

In2009,ValeriaKuznetsovawas ayoung, rising star in the tennisworld.Shegrewup inasmall, rural town,Kalynivka,outsideofKiev,Ukraine.Her littlevillagewas likemost other small towns that dotted theUkrainian countrysideexceptforonesignificantdifference,whichaffectedValeriaprofoundly.Itwasfilledwithnothingbutboys.

Andtheywererelentless.Herolderbrother,Dmitry, tried toshieldher fromthe teasing,butevenhe

gotinonitsometimes,too.They’dteaseheraboutbeingagirl,aboutherskinnyframe,andaboutprettymuchanything.Theworstofitwaswhentheywouldn’tlet her play their games. No soccer because she was little . . . No basketballbecauseshewastooweak...Norugbybecause...shewasagirl.

Not to be discouraged, she’d fight her way into the games anyway. Thenshe’dmakeamistakeandthey’dbanishherfromthefieldorcourt.

Onedayafteryetanotherexpulsionfromagame,sheranhomecryingtohertato (dad)and shouted tohim,“Theboyswerebeingmeanagain!”Hegotupfrom his chair, walked over to the closet, grabbed a tennis racket and ball,handed it toher, and said, “Goout back andhit that ball against thegarage ahundredtimes.”

Angry that hewasn’t going to help her yell at the boys, she snatched theracket andball outofhishand, stompedoutside, andbegan smashing theballintothesideofthehouse,mutteringunderherbreathhowmuchshehatedVlad,Sergey,Alexander,Sasha,andespeciallyIgor,themeanestofthebunch.

Twelveyears later,shehadtransformedherself intooneof the topup-and-comingtennisplayersintheworld.Sheusedthatanger,humiliation,andragetorocketherself throughthetennisranksandintotheeliteofthesport.Buttherewasaproblem.

When I got the call from her coach to come out to FlushingMeadows inQueens,NewYork, therewasapanic inhisvoice.Heknewhehad thisgreattalentinfrontofhim,buthesawhermeltingintohermentaldistressanytimeshebeganmakingunforcederrorsormistakes.

WhenIarrived,Valeriawasgettingreadytostarthermatchagainstamuchlower-ranked player. The match started off with Valeria overpowering heropponent,but then,aswesay in thesportsworld,“thewheelscameoff.”Themoment she startedmaking evenminormistakes, you could see her pace andmutterunderherbreath.Andthemorethemistakespiledup,themoreagitatedandanimatedshe’dget.

After thematchwasover,which shemanaged towin,wemetbackat herhotelfora“chat,”toseeifwe’dbeagoodfit.

Iaskedheraboutwhat shewassaying toherselfwhenshewaspacing thebaseline.

Her first reactionwas a look of surprise, then embarrassment. “You couldseethat?Youcouldseemetalkingtomyself?”

Ichuckledandsaid,“Ofcourse.Butdon’tthinkit’sabadthing.Wealltalkto ourselves; it’s just amatter of how constructive that conversation is to ourabilitytoperformanddobetter.”

Multiplestudieshavebeendoneonthepoweroftalkingtoyourself,andinfact it improvesyourperformance.A studypublished inAdolescence in1994,titled“PrivateSpeechinAdolescents,”showedthatnarratingtheprocessofwhatyou’redoing improvesyourperformance.However, there’sanothersideof theequation.

Whathappenswhenyourself-talkisn’tsopositive?Valeriawentontotellmehowshewouldsaythingslike:

“Getinthegame.”“Useyourhead.”“Stopforcingit.”“Stopbeingsostupid.”“Notthisagain.”

Orshewouldaskherselfquestionslike:

“Whatareyoudoing?!”“Whyareyoulettingherbackinthegame?!”“Whycan’tyoujustsettledown?”

Maybeyoucanrelate.You see, Valeria had fallen into the trap of having a “circular bullying

conversation” in her head, what I call the “merry-go-round effect.” Aconversation that goes nowhere, beats yourself up, and only spirals you into

moreandmoreself-defeatingchatter.However,becauseourmindslovetocreateastoryandmakeustheheroof

it, the solution is to give yourself an Enemy to talk to when those seeds ofnegativeself-talkshowup.

Wegofromaninternalmerry-go-roundofnegativitytoaconstructiveback-and-forthallowingustoshovetheEnemytothesidelines.

WhenIexplainedthisnuancetoValeria,sheimmediatelyrelaxed,tippedherhead back, and said, “Igor,” with gritted teeth. Then she explained her entirebackstorytome,aboutwhereshegrewup,theboysintown,andalltheverbalbarbstheythrewherway.Andhowshestoodatthesideofherfamily’shouse,smashingtheballintothesideofit,mutteringthenamesofherbulliesunderherbreath.

Igorbecamethelabelsheplacedonthe“forces”theEnemywouldusetotryto “trap” her and pull her into an Ordinary World by getting her angry orfrustrated.Insteadofaddingmoreemotiontoheralreadyintensepersonality,wetookIgor,shrankthatnegativeself-talkdowntothesizeofanannoyingpestofaneight-year-oldbully,andshovedhimtothesidelines.

Valeria’sangerandintensityhadgottenherintothepros,butitwasgoingtokeepherfromwinningchampionships.Shewasgoingtoburnout.SoweflippedwhathadnowbecomeaHiddenForce (past history) hurtingher performance,anddealtwithitbyshrinkingitssize.

Naming your Enemy creates a compelling distinction between the twoworldslivinginsideallofus.TheOrdinaryandtheExtraordinary.ItallowsyourHeroicSelftotalkbacktotheEnemytryingtotrapyou.

THEPROBLEMWITHTHEUNSEENANDUNNAMED

Whenyou think about the scariestmovies you’ve ever seen,was the killer ormonsterrevealedimmediately?Probablynot.Becausewhensomethinglurksintheshadows,whenyoucan’tsee,touch,orholdit,itbecomesmorefrightening.It’s unknown. And when something is unknown, it’s difficult to deal withbecause your imagination runswild, building it up to be larger than it is.Theproverbial“monsterunderthebed.”

TakethemovieJaws,forexample.Originally,StevenSpielbergintendedthehuge mechanical shark to play a far more significant role in the film. But itbroke, so he and his crew had to use other tricks to build the suspense.Rememberthemusic?Adeepbeatbeginstobuild...Youknowsomethingiscoming, something from the vast depths beneath thewater . . . but you don’t

knowwhenorwhereorwhomitwillstrike.No one saw the shark. You just see a girl splashing around, and then

suddenlygettingpulledunderthewater.Talkaboutterrifying!BynotseeingtheEnemy,Spielbergknewthathewouldtriggerourimaginationstorunwild.

The imagination is a powerful tool, whichwe’ll intentionally use to buildyourAlterEgo.Butlikeallgreattools,itcanbewieldedforpositiveornegativeresults. Sometimes your imagination, when not adequately harnessed orcontrolled,will runamok filling inandcreatinganevenmore terrifyingstory.“Howbigisthisthing?Idon’tknow,butitmustbehuge!”

The more something remains in the shadows, in the dark, unseen anduntouched,thescarieritbecomes.

In the last section,webegan to shine a light on theEnemyand its forces.NowIwantyoutodragitfromtheshadowsandgiveitaname.

That’sright,IwantyoutonameyourEnemy.Assoonasyougivesomethinganame,you’vegivenitanidentity.You’ve

givenitaform,ashape,astructure.Whenwegivesomethingashape,wearealso giving our Alter Ego something to defeat, something to overcome,somethingtobattleagainst.

Let me show you what I mean. When I say the names the Joker, DarthVader, or even Saddam Hussein, what did you see? I bet a pictureinstantaneously popped into your head, as automatic as breathing, and alongwiththatimageorthought,youmayhaveevenfeltaspecificemotion.

Thisisthepowerofgivingsomethinganame.Givingitaname,andgivingitaform,allowsyoutotalktotheEnemy,getitoffyourFieldofPlay,andgiveitaswiftkicktothesidelines(I’llshowyouhowlaterinthebook).

Youcanchooseanyname.Alotofthisdependsonyourpersonalityandwhatmakessensetoyou.You

canmake it silly.Make it scary.Make it something that ignitesyour angerorrage.Orsomethingthatusedtoscareyoubutdoesn’tanymore,likeValeriadidwithIgor.Orsimplygiveitaplainol’namelikeMichael,Sara,Jesse,Tony,orHans.

Awordof caution around anEnemy that bringson anger and rage.Thesecanbegreatfocusersforathletes.I’vehadOlympiansandproathleteschannelrageduringcompetitionand thenplaywith it beautifully.Unlikea lotof self-helpbooks that preachpeace and tranquility as thepathway toperformance, Itellpeople that rageandangercanactivatepeakperformance.However,makesuretheysuityourFieldofPlay.

Thebottom line:Make it somethingyou’regoing to love facingdownandconquering.

WhatdoImean?Humiliateit.MaketheEnemyassmallaspossible.Makeitcute.Makeitsomethingthatyou’ll lookatandgo,“Aw,aren’tyouadorable.”Takeawayall its fearoveryou.Make it themostnonthreatening thingyou’veeverseen.MakeitapuppyandcallitScooby-Doo.CallitFluffyorPippi.Onlymake itDarthVader if it’s to remember thatDarthVader isabaldactor inanuncomfortablesuit.

Now, ifyou’resomeonewho thrivesonconflict,whoneedsachallenge inlife to testyourmettleandbringoutyourgrit, thendo theopposite.Make theEnemyfierce.Makeitscary.Makeitintense.Pickthenameofyourchildhoodbully,orabossyoudetested.Pickafamilymemberwhohastriedtoholdyoubackor toldyouyou’dneveramount toanything. I’veevenhadclientspickaparentastheirEnemy.

Truly,anythinggoes.WhetheryoumaketheEnemyfunny,silly,harmless,or intimidating,scary

orchallenging,giveitaname.Itmakesiteasierforyourimaginationtogiveitformandsubstance.Youcanalsopickacharacterfromabook,televisionshow,movie, or comic in which someone else has gone through the trouble ofdevelopinglotsofdetailsaboutthisperson.You’relookingtogetasdetailedasyou can so that it willmake visualizing the Enemy easier for you. ThemorevividyourEnemy,theeasieritwillbeforyourAlterEgotodriveitfromyourMomentofImpact.

Ifyoudecidetopicksomethinglikeananimal,youcouldsimplyuse“wolf.”Or give thewolf a name, like “Cristobal.” It’s the difference between saying,“Hey, Wolf! Step to the sidelines, because you don’t want this fight,” andsaying,“Hey,Cristobal!Thisismytime.I’mnotruledbyyouanymore.Buggeroff!”

IFYOU’RESTUCKONANAME...

Ifyoucan’tfigureoutwhattonameyourEnemyrightnow,wait.Many clients have to build their Alter Ego first, and then they pick

somethingorsomeonethatistheirAlterEgo’snaturalEnemy.They’llalsopicksomethingandnameitsomeonetheyknowwithoutadoubttheirAlterEgocanandwilleasilydefeat.

So, if you aren’t inspired right now,wait and then comeback.Build yourAlterEgo’soriginstory, then fill in theEnemy’sname.Getall theway to theResponseProclamationandthencomeback.

Remember, there’sno“perfect”order toanyof this.YounametheEnemy

whentheEnemyiscleartoyou.

Chapter8

ThePowerofYourStory

AftermypresentationtoaroomfilledwithArmyGreenBeretsandRangers,Iwalkedoffthetwo-foot-highstagetogreetafewpeoplewithquestionsforme.After I had talked to a few of the rangers about superheroes and comic bookvillains,acolonel tappedmeontheshoulderandaskedmeifwecouldhaveaprivate conversation. I said, “Of course.” Together, we walked out of theauditoriumattheFortBraggmilitarybaseinNorthCarolina,theworld’slargestmilitaryinstallation.

FortBraggishometotheUnitedStatesArmySpecialOperationsCommand,whichisresponsiblefortraining,equipping,anddeployingspecialforcesaroundtheworld for theirvariousmissions. Judgingby the linesaround thecolonel’seyes,Iwasfacingahardenedprofessionalwhohadspentalotoftimesquintingthroughbinocularsorthescopeofagunandcouldtellmestoriesfordays.

“First,Iwanttothankyouforcomingandspendingsometimewithourmenandwomen;weappreciateit,”hestarted.

The one thing I’ve always appreciated about speaking tomilitary crowds,whether they’re elite Navy SEALs or fresh-faced recruits, is that everyone isextremelygracioustoacivilianlikeme,andtheyalwaysrefertoalarger“we.”

“It’salwaysanhonortocomeandshareandhopefullymakeadifference,”Isaid.

“YousaidsomethinginterestingintherethatIwantedtodiscusswithyou.”“Sure.”“Youmentionedthemeaningoftheuniformweallwear.Andhowdifferent

uniformsmean different things, and if we’re not careful, those meanings caneitherhelpusorhurtus.Irealizedsomethingatthatmoment.Thisuniformisn’thelpingme.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Iasked.“WhenIputthisthingon,itmeanssomethingtome.Ilovewearingtheflag

onmysleeve,Iloveserving,andIlovetrainingthesemenandwomen.WhichmeansIhave tobe tough,challenging,andstrong.Wetalkabouthonor,code,andthechainofcommandallthetime.ButIjustrealizedit’sbeenhurtingmy

kids.“Every day I get home and the kids want to spend time with me, and I

immediately start grilling them about homework and chores. Even after I getchanged out of my uniform, I’m still the same person. I’ve been rackingmybrain for the past twentyminutes trying to figure out how to applywhat youtalkedabout.”

“Colonel,sincethefoundingofthenation, themilitaryhasbeenbuildingahistory, story, and credo of what it means to wear that uniform. Are therehandbookseverywhereonthebaseaboutwhatitmeanstobeintheU.S.Army?”

“Yes.”“Well, your story is pretty similar to what most people around you tell

themselvesabouttheuniform,giveortakeafewdetails.It’sreinforcedthroughrepetition and an environment built to support it. But where on the base oranywhereelse,forthatmatter,doyougotogetyour‘dad’uniform?Where’sthehandbook about the history, story, and credo of what it means to join thebrotherhoodoffatherhood?

“Whenyougohomeandchangeoutofyouruniform,doyourjeansandgolfshirt‘mean’anythingtoyou?Probablynot.”

Whenyoupay attention, you realizeyou’re a natural storytellingmachine.Every day, you’re telling yourself a story in your head, filledwith a colorfulnarrativeaboutlife.You’realsolisteningtootherpeopletellyoutheirpersonalstories,andyou’resuckingupstoryafterstoryfromsocialmediatotelevisiontoprint.InherbookWiredforStory,LisaKrondissectsthelatestinbrainscienceto teach writers how to tell stories that pull their readers in and keep themflippingthepages.AsKronexplains,“Wethinkinstory.It’shardwiredinourbrain. It’s howwemake strategic sense of the otherwise overwhelmingworldaroundus.”1

Rightnow,whetheryourealizeitornot,you’relivingoutapowerfulstory.Sometimes it’s a story you’ve created over time, telling yourself why youcan/can’t,do/don’t,orshould/shouldn’tshowupinaparticularwayonthemanyFieldsofPlayofyourlife.Othertimestherearepotentnarrativesbuiltintotheworldyoulivein,justlikethecolonel.They’reoftenideaswe’veunconsciouslyadopted fromanyof theCoreDriversLayer,which could be family, religion,country,gender,race,oragroupyou’reapartof.Occasionallywebecomeslavetoastorywedidn’tevenrealizeweaccepted.

Whatdoyouthinkofwhenyouseethefollowingwords?

ShySaleswoman

FistfightClutchplayerGossipScientistInvestingCookingFlyingLonglinesWinner

When you saw the word shy, did you automatically think of its literaldefinition,“nervousortimidinthecompanyofotherpeople,”fromtheOxfordDictionaryOnline?

Ordidyou thinkof someoneyouknowwho’s shy,ordidyou thinkof anentirelydifferentmeaningorstoryaroundthewordshy?

Whatabouttheotherwords?We all have reactions to different words, either positive, negative, or

indifferent. Iwas talkingwith an entrepreneurwho toldme, “I reallywant togrowmynetwork,butIavoidpeopleandsocialsituationsbecauseI’mshyandintroverted.”

Thestoryshetoldherselfwas,“Onlyoutgoing,extrovertedpeoplearegoodatmeetingpeople.Shyandintrovertedpeoplecan’t.”Theproblem:Iknowatonof“shy”and“introverted”peoplewhoareoutstandingatnetworking.Yes,therewasapartofherselfthatwasshyandintroverted,butbeingshyandintrovertedaren’t negatives unless you make them negatives. She was losing out in herbusinessworldbecauseshewasn’tshowingupwithconfidence.Tosucceed,sheneededtoceasebeingshyaboutsellingherproductsandservices.

Sheneededtostoptellingherselfastorythatsaid,“Iamshyandintroverted,soIcan’tnetwork.”

Now,here’soneofthebenefitsoftheAlterEgoEffect:insteadoftryingtogoonthelongroadof“changingherself,”shecouldstepintoanAlterEgothatisn’t shy.ThisbypassesaCommonForce thatpreventspeople fromachievingtheirgoals,beingmoreintentionalaboutwhoneedstoshowup.

These narratives or stories we’re telling ourselves are important becauseunconscious ideasandemotiondriveaction.Eachofus isdrivenmorebyourgutfeelingsthanourthoughts.Marketersandadvertisersdeeplyunderstandtheconnectionthatemotionhasondrivingouractionstobuyaproductorservicetosatisfyawant.

Thesemastersofemotionknowthat thefastestwaytogetsomeonetobuy

fromthemistotellacompellingstory.SethGodin,oneoftheleadingthinkerson marketing, says, “The reason all successful marketers tell stories is thatconsumers insiston it.Consumersareused to tellingstories to themselvesandtelling stories to each other, and it’s just natural to buy stuff from someonewho’stellingusastory.”2

Godin’sbookAllMarketersAreLiarsdiscussestheideathat“[e]veryoneisaliar.”3Godinwrites,“Wetellourselvesstoriesthatcan’tpossiblybetruebutbelievingthosestoriesallowsustofunction”(emphasisadded).4

Thereisperhapsnofasterwaytoevokeastrongemotionthantotellorheara compelling story.We feel stories, andwhenwe feel stories, whether we’refeeling fear, anxiety, joy, or happiness, those emotions can prompt us to act.Whenwe’retellingourselvespowerfulnegativestories,wrappedupinaHiddenForce,thentheybecomeself-fulfillingprophecies.

Imagine for a moment that five minutes before a big meeting with aprospective client, a script began playing internally. The scriptwent like this:“I’ll never close this prospective client. He’swaymore successful thanme. Idon’thaveanythingworthselling.They’resomuchbetterthanme.I’msuchanimposter.They’regoingtorealizeIdon’tbelonginthisroomwiththem.”

When that’s the story you’re telling yourself about you, it’s pretty hard towalk into that meeting, relaxed, confident, and self-assured that you have anincredibleopportunitytoofferthepersonacrossfromyou,andthey’dbeluckytoworkwithapartner likeyou.You’recrossingwires. It’s challenging to tellsuchademoralizingstoryandthengooutandrockit.

ThishappenedtoJimmy,asalesrepforalargenationalinsurancecompany.Hecameuptomeataconferencebecausehewasfrustratedthathekeptmissinghisquarterlynumbers.Hisbosswasridinghimhard,andJimmyfearedthatifhedidn’tgetthosenumbersup,he’dbecanned.Asayoungfatherofthree,withamortgage,hewasunderstandablystressed.

Whenwe dug deeper, I discovered he hatedmaking sales calls—which isprettytough,whenthat’syourjob.

“Whydoyouhatemakingsalescalls?”Iasked.Jimmyshruggedand said, “I’muncomfortablemaking them. Idon’tknow

whattosay.Peoplealwaysseemtoobusytotalk.They’rejusthard.”“Okay,well,when you think of a salesperson,what image pops into your

head?”Iasked.“Someoneannoyingorbotheringsomeone,”heshotback.“Interesting.Whataboutthemis‘bothersomeorannoying’?”“Peopleknowthatyou’retheretogettheirmoney.”

“So, when you think of a salesperson, you imagine someone out forthemselves?”

“Yes.”Jimmydidn’tknowit,buthewasactingoutanincrediblypotentstory.This

story was rooted in a deeply held belief about salespeople. “Salespeople aredishonest.Theydon’tcareaboutpeople.Theyonlyfeedpeoplelinessotheycannailthesale,”wasthestory.Nowonderhehatedmakingsalescallsandfailedtomeet his quarterly numbers. Every time he picked up the phone, the TrappedSelf that showed up hated salespeople. This is one of the Common Forces Ioutlinedinchapter6,“abadattitude.”

Therewas noway hisHeroic Self,with its best traits,was going to shinethrough.Hecouldhavetriedtochangehisbehaviorsandactions,hecouldhavetried to tell himself that salespeople are fantastic (which they are!), but itprobably wouldn’t have stuck. Not when the Trapped Self he brought to hisFieldofPlaycategoricallybelievedsalespeopleweren’ttobetrusted.

Jimmywasn’tshowingupwithconfidence,integrity,orpassiononhiscalls.Every time he picked up the phone, the little tape in his head played: “Hey,Jimmy,whatmakesyouthinkthesepeoplewanttotalktoyou?You’rejustouttohustlethemformoney,aren’tyou?You’renotfoolinganyone.Theyseerightthroughyou.Comeon; theyhavebetter things todowith theirdays.Wrapupthiscall—now!”

Imagine howmuchmore successful Jimmy’s calls would have gone if hepickedupthatphoneandthestoryheactedoutwent like,“Ican’twait to talkwithBoband findout if there’s anyway I canmakehis life easier, better, ormoreenjoyable.”

If thatwas thestoryJimmybelieved,Iguaranteehe’dshowupdifferently,withmore confidence and conviction, smoothly closingmore sales. I bet he’dhavealotmorefun,too.

Ifyou’refurrowingyourbrow,shakingyourhead,orponderingwhatstoryor stories in your head are influencing your results, don’t worry. Often theEnemy,theforces,andthestorywe’relivingoutcanbeapartofonebigtangledwebtrappingus.

I’veteasedthesethreethreadsapart,notsoyoucantieyourselfupandgetfrustrated or overwhelmed. I’ve walked you through these areas to help youpossibly findsome insights intowhatmakesyou tick.Whatmight trapyouorcreateunneededfriction?

ABETTERSTORYAWAITS

For years Amy worked in corporate America in project management andstrategicplanning.Shehadfollowedherdreamofstartingabusiness,and,likemanynewentrepreneurs, foundherbusiness limpingalong.When IconnectedwithAmy,shewasayearandahalfintohernewbusinessandstrugglingwithawidespreadaffliction:shehadhalf-finishedbridges.Shestartedalotofprojectsbutcouldn’tdrivethemtocompletion.

“I told myself that I was a ‘total starter, a nonfinisher.’ I never finishedanything, so no wonder I wasn’t getting the results,” Amy told me. “I toldmyself this story for thirty-eight years, and it created so much suffering.Suffering frommissedopportunities, from thecripplingself-doubt,of theself-judgment,oftheself-criticism.”

When I introduced the Alter Ego concept to Amy, who is now anentrepreneur, itmadesense toher immediately.“Iwas inaplacewhere Iwasopentohearingnewthingsaboutmyself,andaboutthewaythatIthoughtaboutmyself,soIwasabletonoticeallthetalkingthatIwasdoingtomyself,andthestories I was tellingmyself.My current storywas, ‘I’m inconsistentwithmyresults,whetherthatwasrelatedtomyhealthandwellness,myrelationships,ormybusiness.’”

ThestoryAmyhadlivedforsolongwasthatshewas“inconsistentwiththeresultsinherlife.”HerAlterEgo’sstorybecametheopposite.HerAlterEgo’sstorywas“I’mconsistentwiththeresultsinmylife.”

“I never thought I could be different,” Amy said. “I could just choose todecidetobedifferent,andthatwasavailabletome.Ihadnoidea!Ithoughtthestory that ‘I’m inconsistent’ was a fundamental part of who I am, and that Icould never get rid of it. I journaled about this for years! And then, all of asudden,thisstorydidn’thavetodefineme.Icouldwriteanewone,andIcouldbedifferent.”

Amy’sstoryandtheothersbeforeherrevealthatwhenyouusethecreativeforcefromyourCoreSelfandintentionallydecidewhowillshowup,thethingsandbehaviorsyou’ve“alwayshad”canshiftinstantly.AsIsaidinchapter5,onyour Field of Play and in your Moments of Impact you have all these traitsavailabletoyou.Butmostofusdon’trealizeit.Mostofusdon’trealizethatwecanchoosetomagnifydifferentcharacteristicsindifferentMomentsofImpact.Mostofusdon’trealizethatwe’retellingourselvesalethalstorythatwebelieveisgospelwhen,infact,wecansilenceitandcreateandliveanewstory.

In the last few chapters, we looked at the Ordinary World and how theEnemy,CommonandHiddenForces, andpersonalnarrativeshaveapowerfuleffectonhoworifyoushowupasyourHeroicSelf.

Tellme. . .areyouwillingtohavealittlefun?Areyouwillingtousethe

powerofyourimaginationandplaywithanaturalpartofthehumanexperience?Areyouwillingtosuspendwhoyou’vebeenandhowyou’veperformedfor

amomentintime,andletanotherversionofyourselfshowupinstead?When I first started working with a mentor of mine, Harvey Dorfman, I

marveledathisindifferencetotheopinionsofothers.Itmadesensethatoneofthe preeminent mental game coaches on the planet didn’t worry about thejudgmentsofothers.Butitstillamazedme,mostlybecauseitwastheverythingcripplingmefromtakingaction.Nowtheneedtobevalidatedbyothershaslonggone,anditstillamazesmywifethatIoncestruggledwithit.

WhenIwasinmyearly twenties,Iwasa lotdifferent. Iwassoconcernedabout the opinions of others that I allowed myself to play second fiddle toeveryone.Iputeveryoneelse’sneeds,wants,anddesiresabovemyown.Icaredsomuchaboutwhatotherpeoplethoughtofmeandwhethertheylikedmethatitheldmeback.

TheonlyplacewhereallbetswereoffandIcouldsuspendtramplingmyselfand interestswas on the sports field. Parts of the identity and behavior ofmyAlterEgo,Richard, his decisiveness and self-confidence,were borrowed fromthesportsfield.PeoplethatIcoachtellmetheywishtheycouldstopcaringandworryingaboutwhatotherpeoplethinkofthem.

“IfIcouldjusttapintothatlikeyoudo...”theyoftensay.Theycan,andsocanyou.For a moment in time, just a few minutes even, anyone can suspend the

storiesthey’vebeencarryingwiththemontheFieldofPlayandinaMomentofImpact.AnyonecanovercomewhateverHiddenForceisholdingthembackorchangewhateverstorythey’vebeenlivingout.

Allittakesisyourwillingnesstosuspendyourdisbelief.After Iasked thecolonelabouthisdaduniformofgolfshirtand jeansand

whetheritmeantanythingtohim,hestruggledwiththeideathatitcouldmeananything significant.But just as I assuredhim, Iwant to assureyou; there’s anaturalprocessyoualreadyusethatcanturnsomethingordinaryintosomethingextraordinary.

Chapter9

ChoosingYourExtraordinaryWorld

Twenty-oneyearsago,ImetamanwhowasdoingwhatIwantedtodo.WhenIwasgrowingupasafarmkid,4-Hwasanaturalpartoftheprocessoflivinginthefarmingworld.4-HislikeagriculturalBoyScouts.Youselectwhich“club”you want to join—cattle, horses, sewing, etc.—and you spend the next yearworkingonaproject.Iwasinthecattleclub.Andfromtheageoften,Iwouldgooutintothepasturewithmydad,pickayoungmalecalforsteer,takecareofit for the next eight months, wake up early to feed it, and come home fromschoolandheadstraight to thebarn tofeeditagain.Ispentpartsofweekendstrainingit tobeledaroundonahalter.Thiseffortculminatedinall the“cattleclubs”fromourarea“showing”their“steers”atafinalcompetition.

Bytheway,4-Hstandsfor“Head,Heart,Hands,andHealth,”andit’smeanttodevelopcharacter,responsibility,andleadership.Beyondcaringformysteer,which I typically named Brutus, Barney, or Bam because I felt B was theappropriatelettertostartayoungsteer’snamewith,wealsohadtotakepartincreatingagoverningbodyforourclub.Weelectedapresident,vicepresident,treasurer,andsecretary.Thepurposewastoteachgovernanceandlearnhowtorun an organization with professionalism.We also had to prepare and give aspeechaboutanytopicwewereinterestedinatayearlycompetition.

Thisisthepartyoumaycringeat.Havingtostandupinfrontofyourpeers,parents,judges,andaroomfilledwithsixtytotwohundredpeopleisenoughformostpeopletorecoilfrom.Anditwas,foreveryoneelse—exceptme.Ilovedit.Ilovedtheprocessofwritingmyspeechandhavingthechancetogiveit.Attheage of ten, I won the competition, competing against kids a lot older than I.Ironically—because of the career I ended up pursuing—my speechwas abouttheOlympics.

Now,thisisn’tastoryabouthowamazingIam,byanystretch,becauseinmanyways thedeckwasstackedinmyfavor. Iwasaroundparentswhooftenhadtogivepresentationsorspeeches,andIwasanoutgoingkidwholovedthespotlight,sobeingonastagewasn’tabigdealtome.However,itgetsusbacktothatmanImentionedatthebeginningofthechapter.

IwenttoaneventwithmyuncleintheRockyMountainsofCanadawherehe was receiving an award. I sat next to a man at the head table who wasdifferent.Heaskedquestionstoatwenty-one-year-oldthatIhadn’tbeenaskedbefore.

“So,whatdoyoufeelcalledtogoanddo?”“What do you want to be proud you accomplished by the time you’re

thirty?”“What’s the biggest action you could take in the next twoweeks thatwill

helpyoumovetowardthatgoal?”It was refreshing. Having an older gentleman take that much interest and

causingmetothinkdifferentlywasanewexperience.Heseemedwise,refined,andgenuinely interested. I toldhimabout speaking as ayoungkid andhow Iwantedtofindawaytodothatasaprofession.AboutowningmyownbusinessandtravelingtheworldbecauseIhadn’tseenmuchatthetime.

The conversation flowed until itwas interruptedwhen they introduced thenight’skeynotespeaker.SuddenlythemanIwastalkingtogotupfromhisseatandwenttothepodium.Ifeltlikeanidiot.IjustgotdonetellingthismanthatIwanted tospeakfora living,essentially,andhewas theactualspeaker for theevening.Overthenextfifty-threeminutes,Isatspellbound.Hewasincredible.

Hesaidthingslike:“Whatevergoodthingswebuild,endupbuildingus.”“Ifyoudon’tlikehowthingsare,changethem!You’renotatree.”“Wemustallsufferoneof twothings: thepainofdisciplineor thepainof

regret.”JimRohnwasthemosteloquentwordsmithI’deverheard.Forbesmagazine

evennamedhimoneof the threemost important business philosophers of thetwentiethcentury.

When he sat back down after a standing ovation, and I pulledmy jaw upfrom the floor, I apologized for not knowing who he was. He shot back,“Apologyaccepted,”withawink.

After that night we ended up staying in touch, and he became my firstmentorwhetherhelikeditornot.ButabouteighteenmonthsintoknowingJim,weweretalkingonthephoneoneafternoonandIsharedwithhimthestrugglesIwasrunninginto trying togrowmysports trainingbusiness.Herepliedwithaline I’d heard him say in different ways before, but this time it landed verydifferently.Hesaid,“Todd,ifyou’renotwillingtorisktheunusual,you’llhavetosettlefortheordinary.”

GETTINGOUTOFTHEORDINARYANDINTOTHEZONE

GETTINGOUTOFTHEORDINARYANDINTOTHEZONE

I’vementionedtheExtraordinaryWorldandwhatawaitsyouwhenyouescapethe forces thatpullyou into theOrdinaryWorld.But theExtraordinaryWorldisn’tunicorns,gumdrops,andprancingfairies.TheExtraordinary isfilledwithchallenges,obstacles, anddragons to slayaswell.And that’sboth the journeyandthereward.

“Somanyofuschooseourpathoutof feardisguisedaspracticality.Whatwe reallywant seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, soweneverdaretoasktheuniverseforit,”saidactorandcomedianJimCarreywhenhe gave the commencement address for the Maharishi University ofManagementin2014.1

Insteadofaskingtheuniverseforit,I’msaying,buildanAlterEgothatwillgoonaquest toattainwhatyouwant.“I learnedmanygreat lessons frommyfather—nottheleastofwhichisthatyoucanfailatwhatyoudon’twant,soyoumightaswelltakeachanceondoingwhatyoulove[emphasisadded],”Carreyaddedinhisspeech.2

The Extraordinary versus the Ordinary is filled withmoremeaning, moreintention, and more possibility. After twenty-one-plus years of working withelite people on the Fields of Play of sports, business, and entertainment, I’velearnedeverysingleonebattledanEnemypullingthemintoanOrdinaryWorld.Everysingleonehadanexcuse,reason,orpersonalstorytheycouldeasilyleanon toshyawayfrom thechallengeof theirchosenpursuit.Except theydidn’t.ManyofthemsteppedintoanAlterEgotomakeithappen.

EvenCaryGrantoncesaid,“IpretendedtobesomebodyIwantedtobeuntilfinally,Ibecamethatperson.Orhebecameme.”

Those challenges, forces, obstacles, and dragons that need to be slain,howeverbigorsmall,arealreadytherewhetheryoulikeitornot.Andinsteadofjustpumpingupmyclientsormotivating them,weusedanAlterEgo instead.JustliketennissuperstarRafaelNadal,Beyoncé,DavidBowie,BoJackson,andthousandsofotherpeopleaccomplishingamazingthings,youcanusetheAlterEgo to shield yourCore Self and absorb the arrows, barbs, orworries you’veimagined in yourmindwill happen if you act in anywaydifferent fromyourpersonalnarrativeandstoryyou’vetoldyourselfofwhoyouare.

NFLrunningbackJayAjayiisknownforbeingcalm,cool,andquietoffthefield, and he explained his Alter Ego “Jay-Train” this way: “I think someplayers,that’sjusthowyoutrytogetinyourzonewhereeverythingisinstinct,andyou’rejustoutthereplayingthegame.Forme,it’stheJay-Train.”3

Thepursuit of finding“flowstate”or “getting into the zone”hasbeen the

core focus of the work I’ve always done with athletes, entertainers, orprofessionals. When you reach this place, performance is heightened; it’simproved.4It’s thisintoxicatingplacewheretimeseeminglystandsstill,wherecapabilities flow throughyouwithout thought, andyouhave this senseof justobservingyourselfperform.It’sincredible.

However,thechallengeintrainingpeopletofindthatplacewasliketryingtothreada rope through theeyeofaneedle.Why?Because fundamentally,mostpeople,eventhebestofthebest,getaffectedbytheCommonorHiddenForcesortryto“controltheoutcome”ratherthantrustingthemselvesandtheprocess.

AnAlterEgocanhelpbuildintention,promotebelief,andcreatetrust.ThefamouspoetJohnMiltononcewrote,“Themindisitsownplace,andin

itselfcanmakeaheavenofhell,ahellofheaven.”Thepowertochangelivesinsideus.Imagineyou’reoneofmyclientscompetingattherecentOlympicgamesin

SouthKorea,inanalpineskiingevent.You’rewaitingatopthemountainatthestartinggate,clippedintoyourtwo-meter-longskis,staringdownacoursethatlookslikeaverticalcliffcoveredinpatchesofice,waitingforthesignaltoburstthrough the gate. You’ll be racing at speeds that would pass a car on thehighway,andtheonlythingstoppingyoufromcrashingintothepinetreesisanorangeplasticfence.

Sound dangerous? Absolutely. Should you be thinking about that danger,imaginefalling,catchinganedge,slippingontheice,orgettingtangledinapoleasyouraceby?Hellno.

Ifyou’reaskierandyou’reatthestartinggatewithseedsofdoubtstartingtosprout regarding thewindspeed, the conditionson thehill,whetherornotyoucan beat the time that Svetlana from Slovenia just put up, then you’ve beenpulledbackintoyourOrdinaryWorld.There’snotrust.There’snozoneorflowstate.Andthere’snopersonal-bestperformance,either.

ThisiswhathappenedtoIanwhenhefellbehindduringtennismatches.“I’dstart losing, and then I’d think,HowamIgoing tocomeback?What’s losinggoingtofeellike?WhatamIgoingtotellmyparents?WhatamIgoingtotellmyfriends?WhatamIgoingtotellmyteammates?Guesswhathappenswhenyougetinthatplace?Youlose,”Iantoldme.

WHYDOESALLTHISMATTER?

Renowned researcher and author on human performance Steven Kotlerexplainedhowusingourimaginationstapsintothecreativepartofourmindand

short-circuitsthenegativeself-talkandcriticismtheEnemylikestouse.Studieshave shown that negative self-talk, doubt, and disparagement go quiet whenwe’reengagedincreativework.5

Anambitiousentrepreneur,Alontoisagreatexampleofthecreativeforceinaction. He’s had dreams of leading thousands of people as a proud FilipinoAmerican,andthefirsttimehehadthechancetogetontoastagewasinfrontofsevenhundredpeople.ExceptAlontodidn’tgetonthestage.ItwasBigWave,hisPacificIslanderAlterEgo,whoshowedup,influencedbytheMauicharacterthatDwayne“theRock”JohnsonplaysinthemovieMoana.“Iwasnervousashell right beforehand, freaking out, and sweating. The first time I stepped infrontoftheaudienceandtookontheBigWavepersona,everythingelsefellintoplace.Idon’tevenknowwherethewordswerecomingfrom.ItwasalmostlikeIwasbeinggiven thewords justbyhaving thefaith that Icouldstep into thatleadershiprole.”

WhateverFieldofPlayorMomentof Impactyou’recreatinganAlterEgofor,IwantyoutohavethesameexperienceAlontoandthousandsofothershavefound using this process. You want to imagine how your Alter Ego will act,behave, think, speak, feel, and performon that Field of Play.Then,when it’stimeforyour“phoneboothmoment,”you’ll intuitivelyknowhowtoperform.And the likelihood of kicking open themetal gate to the zone, flow state, orExtraordinaryWorldwillhavejustimproved.

WALKINGTHEBRIDGESFROMOUTSIDETOINSIDE

Thequestionpeoplearemostchallengedwithanswering:“WhatdoIwant?”The blank look I see people give me is a common one. It’s like they’re

scared toadmitwhat theywant.Even successfulpeoplecan strugglewith thisquestion.However,amindsetaccomplishedpeopleusetoroutinelyachievetheirgoals is“end-in-mind” thinking,meaning theyhaveaclear ideaofwhat targetthey’reaimingat,wherethey’regoing,orwhatthey’recreating.

Luckyforyouandme,there’smorethanonewaytogetthere.Ileanedbackinmychair,waitingforMichael,afairlysuccessfulrealestate

professional,toanswermyquestion:“Whatdoyouwant?”He looked pained, like he couldn’t see it or admit it. So I interrupted his

mentaltrafficjamandasked,“Whatdon’tyouwant?”Immediately,witha lotof frustrationandemotionheunleasheda floodof

don’ts:

“Idon’twanttoworryaboutrejectionanymore.”“I don’t want to worry about what my boss will say if I don’t hit my

numbers.”“Idon’twanttowakeupdreadingmydayanymore.”“Idon’twanttofeellikeI’mwastingmydaysaway.”

Herattledofftwelvemoredon’tsbeforehestoppedtocatchhisbreath.Just likeMichael, it’s somuch easier for you to create aDon’tWant list,

whichisexactlywhatyoudidwhenyouunpackedallthelayersontheFieldofPlayModel. [Figure 9.1]However, now it’s time for your “WantList.”So, ifyouactuallywenton the internalquest to reveal those things,nowit’s time togetclearaboutyourExtraordinaryWorld.

Now,beforeyoufallintothetrapofaninternaldialoguelike—“WhoamItoaskforwhatIwant?”“I’mnotsupposedtowantortohavemorethanothers.”“Isoundsoegotistical.”—here’swhatI’dliketosaytothat:“Soundegotistical.”Admittingyouwantsomethingisn’tegotistical.It’shonest.

Now, justaswe’veused theFiveBridges framework inpreviouschapters,we’llbeapplyingthemtoyourExtraordinaryWorld,andthefirstplacetostart

iswithyouridealresultsonyourchosenFieldofPlayandthenweworkourwaythroughthelayerstoyourCoreDrivers.

Ifyourecall, theFiveBridgesconsistofStop,Lessof,Continue,Moreof,and Start. Except in this quest you’ll only be using three of those bridges:Continue,Moreof,andStart.You’reshiftingyour“orientation”ontheFieldofPlayModelandshiftingyourintentionstosomethingpositive,whichleveragesthe“self-expansive”or“WowMindset,”whichchangesyourmotivationstothethingsyou’dliketogain,notloseoravoid.6

Tobegintheprocessofgettingclearaboutyourgoals,outcomes,orresultswe’llstartwithyourFieldofPlay,whatwouldyouliketo:

Continueexperiencing/continuegettingasaresult/continueachievingExperiencemoreof/getmoreof/achievemoreofStartexperiencing/startachieving/startgetting

Tomakeiteasierforyou,theseresultswouldallbethingsyoucouldhear,see,taste,touch,orsmell.Forexample,maybeyouwantto:

ContinuehearingthepositivefeedbackonyourcreativeworkContinueseeingyourrevenuesgrowContinue seeing the reactions people have of yourcooking/painting/writing/designwork,etc.ContinuetastingyourrecipesimproveContinuesmellingthearomasoftheplaceyouliveContinuetouchingthequalitytoolsyougettoworkwithHearpeopletalkaboutorshareyourideasmoreScoremoreduringagameGetmoreinterviewsWinmoreawardsReceivemorereferralsHavemoreincomeMakemoresalescallsMakemoreparsandbirdiesasagolferAttendmorenetworkingeventsandengagewithmorepeopleWorkoutmoreStartanewcareerStartseeingyourcreativeworkdisplayedpubliclyStartowningmorerealestateStarttravelingoverseasandexperiencingnewcultures

StartgettingscholarshipoffersStarthearingscoutstalkaboutyouStartgettingmorepressaboutyourworkStartseeingyourinvestmentsgrowStartlivingsomeplacenew

I’llbetifyoulookatyourFieldofPlay,therearealreadysomepositivesyoucancontinuedeveloping.Thebottomlinewhengettingclearabout thisarea isthateverythingistangible.TheFieldofPlayiswhereyourresultsexist.Now,asyoumoveontotheActionLayer,youwanttothinkabouttheactions,behaviors,and skills yourAlter Egowill use to helpmake those outcomes happen. Thequestionstoaskyourselfare,whatdoyouwantto:

Startdoing/start responding/startbehaving/startchoosing/startsaying/startthinking/startattemptingDo more of/choose more of/behave more like/say more of/think moreof/attemptmoreofContinue doing/continue choosing/continue thinking/continuebehaving/continuesaying/continueattempting

The Action Layer contains your actions, reactions, behaviors, skills, andknowledge. It’s all the capabilities that you’re bringing to your Field of Play.Howareyoushowingup?Howareyouacting?Howareyoubehaving?Whatchoices are you making? If you pass all those questions over the bridges ofStarting, Continuing, andMore of, you’ll get evenmore clear about how the“newyou”willshowup.Forme,whenIwasstartingoutinbusiness,Iwantedto “act more decisively,” because I was getting caught up in paralysis fromanalysis.Somaybeyouwantto:

AskforthesalemorePaintmoreActmoreconfidentlyBookmoremeetingsWalkwithmyheadupandmoreconfidentMakemoreeyecontactReachouttopeoplemoreStartcookingStartwritingStartplayingtheguitar

StartpreparingyourselfbetterStartplanningyourweekormonthmoreeffectivelyStarttakingmoreshotsPracticemoreDrinkmorewaterSay“Iloveyou”moreSmilemoreLaunchmoreproductoffersMeetwithteammembersmoreAttendmoreconferencesInvestmoremoney

Whenyoulookatthislist,whichisn’texhaustive,theseareallthethingsyoucould do to help make the outcomes happen. These are the new actions youcouldtakeduringthoseMomentsofImpact.IntheOrdinaryWorld,thesearetheactions, thoughts,orbehaviorsyou’renot takingorhaving, leadingyou togettheresultsyoudon’twant.(Ifyou’dlikeanevenmoreexhaustivelistofactionsyoucouldtake,gotoAlterEgoEffect.com/resourcesformorehelp.)

Onceyoumovethroughthislayer,youwanttoapplythissameframeworktoyour Belief Layer to reveal the new emotions, feelings, qualities, andexpectationsyou’llpossess,whichmakesthoseactionsmucheasiertoexecute.Thisisthenewinternalexperienceyou’llhaveasyouapproachandexperiencethisFieldofPlay.These are the forcesyourAlterEgowill use to combat theCommon andHidden Forceswithmore grace, resilience, and confidence. So,whatdoyouwantto:

Startbelieving/startexpecting/startfeeling/startvaluingBelievemoreof/expectmoreof/feelmoreof/valuemoreofContinuebelieving/continueexpecting/continuefeeling/continuevaluing

Essentially,you’reaskingyourselfwhatyouneed tobelieve tomake thoseactionseffortless,joyful,ormorecomfortable.Also,whatdoyouneedtoexpectabout yourself or the Field of Play you’re standing on tomake those changeshappen?Andwhatdoyouneed tovalueaboutyourself, theworld, thepeopleyou interact with, your skills, and your knowledge to feel moreconfident/decisive/enthusiastic/peaceful/optimistic,etc.?(Foramoreexhaustivelist of positive emotions to make this easier for you, go toAlterEgoEffect.com/resources.)

Maybeyouwantto:

StartvaluingactionoverperfectionStartfeelingmorecompetentStartbelievingyou’recapableFeelmoreenthusiasticaboutyourprogressFeelmoreoptimisticaboutyourabilitytomakeadifferenceExpectpeopletosayyestoyourideasExpect yourself to continue moving past challenges because of yourdeterminationGainmoresatisfactionfromyoureffortsFeelmoregratefulabouttheopportunitiesyou’representedwithStartexpectingyourshotstogoinFeellikeyou’reanunstoppableforceFeellikepeoplewanttohearfromyouExpectyourarttomovepeopleBelievethestagewantsyouonitandfeelexcitedaboutyourperformanceFeellikeyou’reasimportantasanyoneLovefailing,becauseyouknowyou’reimprovingandtakingaction!

Contrarytopopularmemesandquotesaboutsuccessfulpeople,thatlastoneiskey.Winnersbecomewinnersbecausetheyfailedmorethanothers.Sowhynothaveahealthyrelationshipwiththatexperience?Itdoesn’tmeanyouacceptfailureasanidentity.Itsimplymeansyoudon’tletitdefineyouandyouknowyou’regainingmorewisdomwitheveryattempt.

Ultimately,thisprocessisgoingtohelpyoufindanAlterEgothatembodiesthesequalitiesnaturally,soyoucanstepintoitspowerandcreateanewrealityforyourself.

WHATDOESYOUREXTRAORDINARYWORLDLOOKLIKE?

Ian,whomIintroducedyoutoearlierinthebook,isenjoyingathrivingcareerasatopcopywriterandfounderofseveralcompanies.Bymoststandards,he’sasuccess. But Ian has harbored a goal he’s kept buried his entire life, untilrecently.ItwasonlywhenhebegantappingintoandusingtheAlterEgothathewasreadyandwillingtoadmitwhathewanted—tobeastand-upcomedian.

Thisiswhathewantstopursue.ThisishisExtraordinaryWorld.He’snowsetting up his businesses to run without his full-time attention so that he canpursue a comedic career. He’s admitting, articulating, and taking action, right

now,topursuealifelonggoal.He would never have taken these steps if he didn’t first admit to himself

whatitwasthathewantedmorethananything.Doyouwant tobeapowerfulpresenter?Great.Ownit.Youwant towalk

intoaneventandshakehandsandgreetpeoplewithpizzazzandcharm?Great.Own it.Doyouwant to be a calm, assertive, confident leader in themidst ofcrisismoments?Great.Ownit.

Imagine thebehaviorsandactions thatyou’re taking inyourExtraordinaryWorld.HowaretheydifferentfromyourOrdinaryWorld?Areyoubolder?Areyoumorethoughtful?Areyoumorefocused?Doyoufollowthroughandfinishalltheprojectsyoustart?Areyoumorearticulate,assertive,oractive?Areyoumore relaxed, calmer, or peaceful? Are you more rebellious? Are you morefierce,bold,oradventurous?

WhatarethetraitsthatshowupinyourExtraordinaryWorld?Whatareyour thoughtsandfeelings?Whatwouldyoube thinkingofyour

abilities to create an ExtraordinaryWorld? How would you be feeling aboutyourself, the world around you, the people you interact with?What are yourpredominant emotions? Remember Bo Jackson: his dominant emotion on thefootball fieldwas a deep certainty that hewoulddestroy anything in his path,anditdidn’tmatterwhoitwouldbe.Hedidn’tcare.

Although you can’t control the outcomes and the results in yourExtraordinaryWorld, I still want you to imagine what those could look like.Paintapictureinyourmind’seye.HowdoesitfeeltoliveinyourExtraordinaryWorld?Doyouwanttobeknownasastrongleaderinyourcompany?Doyouwant to be someone who speaks up in team meetings and shares her ideasconfidently? Do you want to be someone your team turns to for advice andconfidence,wholeadscalmlyandassertivelythroughacrisis?Doyouwant tohaveatrophyhandedtoyouonstagefor“salespersonoftheyear”?Doyouwanttooverhearyourkidssayingtoeachotherhow“theirmomisthebestmom”?

STILLGETTINGSTUCK?

IfadmittingwhatyouwantorwhatyourExtraordinaryWorldlookslikeremainsastretch,thentrythis:askyourself,“WhatwouldmyAlterEgoadmititwantsorexpectstohear,see,feel,touch,orsmell?”

While you may not have built out your Alter Ego yet, you may have aninkling of what this secret identity may want. Suspend your disbelief for amoment and imagine thatyourAlterEgohas zerohang-upswhen it comes to

articulatingwhatitwants.He/she/iteasilyandeffortlesslyadmitswhatitwants.WhatdoesyourAlterEgobelieveitcando?Orcreate?

Chapter10

ThePowerofaMission

ThereareaseriesofsmallparksalongtheHudsonRiverinManhattanrunninguptheentire lengthof theisland.Foranislandfilledwithconcrete,pavement,and skyscrapers, it’s a needed escape from the hum and noise of city life.AnytimeanathleteiscomingthroughtowntoplayagainstanyoneofthetenprosportsteamsintheareaorabusinessleaderIworkwithiscomingtoNewYorkformeetings,it’saconvenientchancetoconnectface-to-face.I’llalmostalwaystake them for awalk along theHudson.Wewalk because, inmy experience,humansaremorepronetoopenupwhenthey’removing.Plusthefreshairandexerciseneverhurt.

Onthisoneoccasion,aclientconnectedmewithateammateinhissecondyearintheNHL.Afteryearsofalwaysbeingago-toguy,Mattwasstruggling.He’dgone fromalwaysbeinga star to sinking to thebottomof themediocre-middle on his NHL team.We’d walked about twenty blocks along the watertalkingabouthisfutureanddecidedtotakeabreakonabenchatthe26thStreetpier.

Aswesatdown,Ileanedforwardandaskedhim,“YouknowhowBatmanisfightingfor‘justice’?I’mcurious,whatareyoufightingfor?”

“Whatdoyoumean?”hereplied.“Well,forthepasttwentyminutesit’sbeenlikepullingtheteethfromalion

tryingtogetyoutotellmewhatyoutrulywantfromyourcareer.Andyoujustgotdonetellingmeyoufeel likeyou’relettingyourdreamsslipawaybecauseyou’regettingsocaughtupinyourhead.So,personally,thatwouldpissmeoff.TheideathateverythingI’vebustedmyasstodotogethereisgettingtangledupinawebofbullshit, thosethoughtsinmyheadwouldpissmeoff.So,whyare you going to start showing up differently? What are you fighting for?Batman fought for justice after witnessing his parents die at the hands ofcriminals.Weallhavesomethingwecanfightfor: justice,honor,fairness,ourfamily, our community, our religion, our name, even our creative talents. So,whataboutyou?”

He sat on the bench leaning forward with his elbows resting on his huge

hockeythighs,staringat thepassingferries,andaftera longpausesaid,“Self-respect.”

“Whyself—”ButbeforeIcouldfinishmyquestionhecontinued.“ToshowthatsomeonefrommyPodunktowninOhiomadeit.AndbringtheStanleyCupbacktoourcrappylittlecommunityhockeyrink.”

“Meh,soundscliché.I’vehearditbefore,”Ishotbackathim.“Fuckyou.”Hequicklyrespondedandwassuperannoyed.“Whywouldyou

saythat!?Ithoughtyouweresupposedtohelp,notputmedown.”“Matt,thatfeelingwellinguprightnow—whatisit?”“Pissed-offness.”“Good.Don’tforgetit.Becausehere’swhatIknow:Youcarrythatwithyou

everyfreakingtimeyoudon’tplayyourgutsoutontheice.Andyoudirectthat‘pissed-offness’ at yourselfwhen you don’t showup.My job isn’t to be yourbest friend. My job is to help you perform, and sometimes that meanschallengingyou.”

You’ve just admitted what you want. Good. Now, do you feel a strongemotionalpull towardwhatyouwant?Doyou feel somotivated togoon thisquest that nothing will stop you, nothing will get in your way? Does it havemeaning?

Ifyouranswerisno,wehaveaproblem.Holocaust survivor and celebrated psychiatrist Viktor Frankl once wrote,

“Lifeisnevermadeunbearablebycircumstances,butonlybylackofmeaningandpurpose.”

When you look at the superheroes in comic books, the great characters inmovies and literature, they all seem to be fighting for something bigger thanthemselves.Andeventheonesthatstartoutdoinggooddeedsforselfishreasonsendupfindingdeepermeaningin their labors.Itgives theeffort,struggle,andchallengeahigherpurpose.

More and more research is piling up that shows the obsession with“happiness”iscausingpeopletofeelempty.1InastudypublishedintheJournalofPositivePsychology in2013,RoyBaumeisterandhis colleagues found thatpeople who pursued activities only for personal pleasure lacked a sense ofmeaningin their lives.Anotherstudy,conductedbyStevenColeof theUCLASchoolofMedicineandBarbaraFredricksonoftheUniversityofNorthCarolinaatChapelHill,revealedthatpeoplewhofounddeepermeaningintheirliveshadstrongerimmunesystemsthanthosewhohadamoreself-centeredapproachtolife.2Thissuggeststhatifyouwanttochaseyourgoals,findingdeepermeaninginyoureffortswillmakeyoustronger,literally.

Youneed to feelpulledas ifyou’reonaconveyorbelt thatgoesonlyoneway.There’snothingyoucando to stopyourself frombeingdrawn intoyourExtraordinary World. If you lack the strong emotional resonance, or you’reindifferenttowardyourExtraordinaryWorld,then...whyareyouabouttogoon this journey?WhybuildanAlterEgoforaworld thatyoukindof,sortof,maybewanttoexperience?

“Theemotionsaremechanismsthatsetthebrain’shighest-levelgoals.Oncetriggeredbyanevent,anemotiontriggersthecascadeofsub-goals,andsub-sub-goals that we call thinking and acting,”3 explains Steven Pinker, Harvardprofessorandoneoftheworld’sleadingcognitivescientists.

In otherwords, our emotions drive our actions. It’s almost impossible foryoutotakeactiontowardsomethingyou’reindifferentto.

Beyondjusttakingaction,theemotionalresonanceyoufeeltowardwhatyouwant, towardwhyyou’recreating thisAlterEgo, is alsoyourmotivation.Thewordmotivation comes from the Latin wordmotivus, which means “movingcause.”

Asamentalstrengthcoach,there’sonethingIcan’tcoachpeopleon.That’smotivation.Iwon’ttouchit.It’soneofthefewthingsthatnoonecancoachyouonorcreateforyou.It’stheX-factor.Ican’tmakeanathletegetupat4a.m.torundrillsorwindsprints.Ican’tmakeanentrepreneurwanttostartandgrowabusiness or to stick with it when they hit the rough patches. I can’t makesomeonewant their goal bad enough that they’re driven to overcome any andeveryobstacle,nomatterhowtoughorhowhighthecost.

Inhisbestsellingbook,HowWeDecide, JonahLehrermakes thecase thatrationalitydependsonemotion.Feeling,notintellect,drivesmotivation.Lehrerpointsout, “Emotion andmotivation share the sameLatin root,movere,whichmeans‘tomove.’Theworldisfullofthings,anditisourfeelingsthathelpuschooseamongthem.”

You have to find that motivation within, and very often that motivationcomesfromfeelingsoemotionallyconnectedtowhatwewantthatnothingelsematters.It’sthecorepurposeofourbeing.Wehavetogoonthisquest.Wehaveto enter our ExtraordinaryWorld, no matter the cost, no matter the odds, nomattertheoutcome.

WANTED:STRONGEMOTION

Whenyou break down themotivations of all the great heroes and heroines incomic books, movies, or literature, you find there are mostly four core

motivators,andtherecanoftenbeablendingoftwoormore:

TraumaDestinyAltruismSelf-expression

TraumaissomethingthatliesattheheartofwhatstartedBatman’smission.He dedicated himself to fighting crime after seeing his parents murdered.Whetherit’srightingawrong,“stickingittotheman,”orshowingsomeonewhoslightedyou thatyoucan’tbe stopped, trauma inany form isoneof themostcommonsourcesofsomeone’smission.Inmanyways,thisiswhatdroveOprahWinfrey. Even her famous quote, “You can’t discriminate against the best,”revealsherresiliencyinthefaceofdiscriminationandtrauma.

Destiny iswhat drives Buffy theVampire Slayer. She discovers she’s the“Chosen One”—blessed with supernatural powers to fight demons. She’sreluctant at firstbut finallyaccepts thechallenge.Manyambitiouspeople I’veworkedwithorspokentoovertheyearsexplainedthissimilarfeelingofbeing“chosen.”They’veexplainedtheiraspirationsfeltmorelikethey’dbeenchosentopursuethemandtherewasn’tachoiceinthematter.Theyweretheonesthat“hadtofindawaytomakeithappen.”Manyofusidentifywiththefeelingofassuminggreatresponsibility.

Altruismisoneof thecoredriversofWonderWoman.In the2017movie,sheselflesslytriestosavehumanityfromevil.Altruismcancomeintheformofactivism and wanting to help or serve others because they are forgotten orbecauseofagreatloveforthem.Inmanyways,thiswasacoredriverofMatt,theyounghockeyplayerImentionedatthebeginningofthechapter.Hefounddeepmeaning inbringinghope toanareadecimatedby the shiftingAmericanlandscape.Countless young athleteswho come from single-parent homes findthis to be a coremotivator and take care of a single parentwho sacrificed somuchforthemto“makeit.”

Self-expression is a core driver of peoplemotivated bymerelywanting toanswerthequestion,“IwonderwhatIcando/create/find?”Somepeoplearejustdeeply motivated to uncover “what they’re made of” and love the creative,athletic, or scientific process. Leonardo da Vinci, Charles Darwin, the greatWayneGretzky,andmanyotherscanbefoundhere.(Gretzky,though,alsohadgreat reverence for the game of hockey and his family, which would evokealtruism,aswell.)

Whenyou lookat anyof these fourmotivating factors, theyall stem from

events, situations, or experiences that started these people down their paths.However, eventually they found a deeper meaning to their work. Batmancontinuedonhismissionbecausehe likedhelpingpeople and fighting for the“little guy.” Oprah continued to find more joy in relating to people with arealness and honesty the public hadn’t experienced before, which changedpeople’s lives. Buffy continued her fight because she was there to save thepeoplesheloved.AndWonderWomancontinuedtopursuetheidealsoffairnessandequalitywhilesavinghumansfromevil.

In all of these situations, their real purposewas eventually transformedbytheCoreDriversoutlinedintheFieldofPlayModelinchapter3:

FamilyCommunityNationReligionRaceGenderIdentifiableGroupIdeaCause

Whenyoubegintoattachwhatyou’retryingtoachievetosomethinglargerthanyourself,itdeliversadeeperpurposetoyourmission.Andwhenitcomestofeelings,there’snorightorwronganswertowhatexactlyyou’refeeling.Itjustneeds tobestrong.Youmaynotbeable toarticulate thefeeling—wordsareaclumsyway todescribeasensation. Ifyou feel stronglyaboutwhatyouwant,butyoucan’ttellmewhatyoufeel,thenyou’reintheclear.Later,youmayfindthewordstoarticulateit—ornot.Wordsdon’tmatterhere.Justthefeeling.

Despitewhatsomepeople in theself-helpmovementmaypreach,negativeemotions like rage and anger can be incredibly motivating, especially in thebeginning, when you’re taking a new action and trying to build momentum.Those powerful emotions move us, and that’s what you need early on.Mostpeoplearestucksittingonthesidelineswhilethegameoflifeishappeningonthe field. Whatever gets you onto the field and gets you moving is all thatmatters.

Ask yourself, “Why do I want this?” or “Why do I want to make it myExtraordinaryWorld?”or“WhydoIwanttocreateanAlterEgo?”

Purposeandemotionare intimatelyentwined.Forexample,myfamilywasand still is one of the leading drivers for why I choose to create and grow

companiesandtoworkwithathletes,businessleaders,andentrepreneurs.SinceI was a boy, I’ve felt a deep sense of responsibility and resonance with myfamily name. The good people in my family fuel me. That’s part of mymotivation. It’s one of the reasons why I want to realize my ExtraordinaryWorld.

And notice I said “my Extraordinary World”—not yours, not my dad’s,mine.Thatdoesn’tmeanI’mselfish,becauseahugepartofmyworldisservingothers.However,I’mtheonedecidingwhatthatworldwilllooklike,feellike,andsoundlike,notsomebodyelse.

Many people I’ve met or worked with are driven because they want toescapesomethingorsomeoneintheirpast.Theywerefilledwithangerorrageabout an experience or the way someone mistreated them. I met a MexicanAmerican businessman at a conference years ago. We hit it off so well wedecided to sneak away at lunch. I learned he had accumulated a substantialamountofwealthinhiscareer.Hewaskindandsoft-spoken,ratherunassuming,butwhenhestartedtotalkabouthishistory,afiresparkedinhiseyes.

Hetoldmeaboutoneofthefirsttimesheshowedupataprospectiveclient’shome. As he walked up the driveway, someone was leaving, and as the twopassed,thispersonsaidtohim,“Oh,youmustbethenewgardener,heretotrimthehedges.”

That one comment was a turning-point moment for him, he toldme. Theonly reason the person thought he was there to trim the hedges was his skincolor.Hesaid,“ImadeapromisetomyselfthatdaytobesorichIwasgoingtoturn the tables and hire some white guy to be my gardener.” He found hisemotional resonance, which helped to push him toward and into hisExtraordinaryWorld.Thatbecamehisinitialmotivatingforce,butafterawhilehebegantoseetheimpacthewasmakinginhiscommunityandtheinspirationhe’dbecometootherMexicanAmericans,anditbecameaCoreDriver,tokeepgrowingandtakingrisks.

This is the typeof strong emotional resonance that I’maskingyou to findandacknowledge. It’s thepurposeofwhyyoupickedup thisbook in the firstplaceandwhyyou’rebuildingyourAlterEgo.

Another example is John. John has an impressive family lineage. Hisgrandmother, originally fromEurope, came from a royal family forced to fleeduringWorldWarII.ShelandedinMexicoandmarriedageneral.Johncomesfrom a family known for its power and standing. He’s a first-generationAmerican and trying tomake a name for himself in business. John has greatreverence for his family, heritage, and lineage. And he wants to plant theproverbialfamilyflagproudlyinanewcountryandcontinuethefamilylegacy.

ThismixtureofhisCoreDriversofFamily,Cause, and Idea iswhat’s fuelinghimtopushpastanybarriershe’shadinthepast.

Sometimes the emotional resonance is driven by our family, ourcommunities,orournation.IhadaclientwhocompetedintheOlympicGamesinLondonin2012whowasinspiredtobethefirstpersontohavehercountry’sflag unfurl as she watched it slowly rise to the ceiling from her place on apodium.Whether her country’s national anthem played because shewon firstplacedidn’tmatter.Seeinghercountry’sflagwasallshecaredabout.Nationalpride was a Core Driver that gave her the emotional connection to theExtraordinaryWorldsheenvisioned.

Sheneversawithappen,butcomingintotheevent,shewasrankedtwenty-eighth in theworld inher sport.Shewasn’teven the top-rankedathlete inhercountry,but she finished fourthat theOlympicsandshatteredallherpreviouspersonalbests.

Sometimestheemotionalresonancebehindwhatwewantisveryindividual.Wewanttoberich.Wewanttobesecure.Wewantmorepower.Ifyour“why”ismore individualistic, that’s okay; it doesn’t have to be a grandplan to savehumanity,anditdoesn’thavetobedrivenbyapeaceful,loving,gentlestateofbeing, either. But as the studies I mentioned earlier demonstrate, it has to bedeeply meaningful to you. And in most cases these initial motivators end upfinding roots in any of the Core Drivers. You’re exploring the boundaries ofwhat you can do. The initial motivation of “wanting more money” ends upbecomingattachedtoimpactonFamily,Community,orNation.OritbecomesattachedtoanIdeathatleavesyouwonderingjusthowmuchyoucancreate.

Someofthemostsuccessfulathletes,businessexecutives,andentrepreneurswhom I’ve worked with were driven toward their Extraordinary World forselfishreasons.AndIdon’tmeanselfishinanegativeway,either.Ifthisistheemotionalresonancethatgetsyoumoving,thenhaveatit.Tellmeyouwanttoseeyournameinlightsoutsideofarealestateoffice.Tellmeyouwanttoseeyour name as the executive chef at aMichelin-starred restaurant.Tellmeyouwanttosellacompanyformillionsofdollarsandthentakethepaperworkandslamitdownonyourfather’skitchen table, tellinghim,“AndyoutoldmeI’dnevermakesomethingofmyself?Nowlookatme,Pops.”

Alotofclients,especiallyentrepreneurs,tellmetheywanttobeofservicetoormake a difference in theworld. If that’s thedriving emotionwithinyou, ifthat’swhyyou’rebuildingandcreatinganAlterEgo,thenwhoamItotellyoutofindsomethingelse?

Idon’tcarewhatemotionorwhatpurposesits insideyou; it’snoneofmybusiness.WhatIdocareaboutisthatyou’rehonestwithyourselfaboutfeelinga

strong emotional resonance with what you want and why you want it. Thatemotioniswhat’sgoingtogetyoumovingandkeepyoumoving.

When I started out, my wants were very individualistic. Over time, I’vefound a good chunk of my emotional resonance and purpose comes fromwantingtomakethelargestimpactonthemostpeopleIpossiblycan.That’smyfuel.That’swhyIdowhatIdotoday.

THEFIVEWHYS

Ifyouhaveyouremotionalresonanceandit’sstrong,oryouknowwhyyou’recreating yourAlter Ego, then you can skip this section.Move on to the nextchapter.

Butifyou’restrugglingtoget totheemotionalcoreandtoconnect towhyyou want what you want, then try using the FiveWhys technique. The FiveWhys is a problem-solving tool, invented by Sakichi Toyoda, the founder ofToyotaMotorCompany,inthe1930s,andmoreformallydevelopedbyTaiichiOhno,apioneeroftheToyotaProductionSysteminthe1950s.TheFiveWhyshelpssomeonetofindandunderstandthecauseofaproblem.4

It’sarelativelysimpleprocess,andgreattohelpyoufigureoutwhat’sreallymotivatingyou.Here’swhatyoudo:ask“Why?”andkeepaskinguntilyougettothecore,tothatplaceofdeepemotionalresonance.

For example, Igetupat4:30a.m. tomeetmy trainer from5 to6:30a.m.everyMonday,Wednesday,andFriday.

Why?BecauseIwanttobeinbettershape.WhydoIwanttobeinbettershape?BecausewhenIplaywithmykids,I

wanttohavemoreenergythantheydo.Afewmonthsago,Iwasplayingwiththemwhenmybackgot sore andmybreathing labored.Tenminutes in and Iwasexhausted.Ihadtotakeabreak.ItoldthekidsIneededtostop;Iwastootired.Theirlooksofdisappointmentguttedme.Ididn’twanttobethatdadwhocouldn’t keep up,whomissed out onmoments and opportunities to playwiththembecausehewasn’tinthebestshape.

Okay, Ididn’tneed five“whys” toget towhatmotivatedme; itonly tooktwo. And having the goal of keeping upwith young childrenmay have beenlofty,butIwasupforthechallengeofwearingthemout.SomyCoreDriverforalteringmyfitnesswasfoundinmyfamily.

Useasmany“Why?”questionsasyouneed.Andifyoucontinuewiththisprocessyou’llalmostalwaysendupfindingitleadstooneoftheCoreDrivers:Family,Community,Nation,Religion,Race,Gender, IdentifiableGroup, Idea,

or Cause. This is like drilling for oil. You keep asking until you discover a“gusherofemotion.”You’llknowitwhenyouhitit,becausetheemotionwillbestrong.Knowingthis iswhatwillkeepthat fireburningwhenyou’re tiredandsore,andyouwanttoquitorgiveup.Everyhigh-performing,successfulpersonfacesthosemomentswhentheydoubtwhethertheyshouldorevenwanttokeepgoing. They all question whether the sacrifices and choices they’re makingmatter.

Theoneswhokeepgoingaretheoneswhoknowwhythey’reinthisraceinthe first place. They know their purpose for going after their ExtraordinaryWorldandbuildinganAlterEgothatwillhelpthemgetthere.

Sothesimplequestionbecomes:WhydoyouwanttoActivatethisHeroicSelfontoyourFieldofPlay?Isitbecauseofadeepconnectionto:

Family?Community?Nation?Religion?Race?Gender?IdentifiableGroup?Idea?Cause?

Oryouroriginalmotivationcouldbestemmingfromsomethinglikeahurt,beingwronged,creativeexpression,oraselfishneed.Butyou’llfindthatasyoumoveforward,you’regoingtodiscoveranewCoreDriverthatwillsustainyouoverthelongterm.

APSYCHOLOGICALTRICK

Manypeoplehaveadifficulttimereflectingontheirownlives.Scientistsreferto it as self-reflection paradox. The idea of asking yourself challenging ordifficultquestionslike“whatdoyouwant?”or“whydoyouwantsomething?”can tie you up in a psychological knot.However, there is a helpful techniquecalledself-distancing.TwopsychologistsfromtheUniversityofMinnesotaandUniversityofCalifornia,Berkeley,EthanKross andÖzlemAyduk,havedonethousandsofhoursofresearchonthetechniqueanditsbenefits.5

“It isalsopossibleforpeople to takeastepbackwhenthinkingaboutpastexperiencesandreasonaboutthemfromtheperspectiveofadistancedobserver,akintoaflyonthewall,”theywrite.

So to use this psychological trick to your own benefit, one of the mosteffectiveways is to ask yourself: “Why does ‘Jane’ want to write bestsellingnovels?”or“What’s thepurposeof ‘Todd’s’ life?”This third-person languagecreates an observer-type effect and can allow you to gain perspective on achallengingordifficultquestion.

Thisself-distancingtechniqueprovidesevenmoreevidencetothepowerofthe Alter Ego Effect. The Alter Ego ends up giving you an observer-typeadvantage that allows you to free yourself from self-talk loops, or emotionalspirals. It gives you the opportunity to ask yourself, “What would WonderWomando?”or“HowwouldMotherTeresarespondinthissituation?”or“WhyisBatmangoingtofinishthishardproject?”

SowhenyouthinkaboutwhatyourCoreDriversare,oryouthinkabouttheCoreDrivers of your Alter Ego, using this self-distancing technique can helpyoufindyouranswers.

TIMEMAKES“WHY?”CLEAR

Themore you bring themost powerful version of yourself onto yourField ofPlay, the more you’re going to discover your “why?”Many athletes, writers,entrepreneurs, andothercreativeshave toldme theydidn’t start their journeysby knowing the answer to “why?” Theywere just interested in something, ortheyhadsomeskills,andtheywerecommittedtodeveloping.Itwasmoreaboutself-expression, and as their performance improved and their results changed,theirpassionforitgrew.Astheirpassiongrew,sodidtheclarityaround“why?”

Sometimes the answer grows from the doing, not from the thinking orfeeling.

Chapter11

DefiningYourSuperpowersandCraftingtheName

OneofthemostchallengingsportsI’veeverworkedisequestrian,andLisawasatoughnuttocrack...

When you think about all the challenging components I’m trying to bringtogethersothataneliteathletecanperformattheirbest,it’sdaunting.Aligningthemental, emotional, and physical worlds can feel like herding three cats atonce.Butintheequestrianworld,afactorgetsaddedthatonlymagnifiesthosethreeworlds:ahorse.

Equestrian is a fascinatingcollectionofdifferentdisciplines.There’shorsejumping,horseracing,polo,anddressage, tonameafew.Andthelast iswhatmyclientLisacompetedin.It’safascinatingsport,becauseinothersportslikesoccer, football, basketball, or golf, you don’t have a thousand-pound horseunderneathyoudetectingeverysinglesubtlemovement,feeling,orthoughtyouhave.

If you’re not familiar with horses, they’re one of the most emotionallymatureanimalsontheplanet,whichispreciselywhythey’reusedintherapyandrecoveryworkforpeoplewithPTSD,autism,addiction,andmanyothermental-health-related problems. But it’s this hyperawareness horses have that makesdressagesuchachallengingsport.

Merriam-Webster definesdressage as “the execution by a trained horse ofprecisionmovements in response to barely perceptible signals from its rider.”Thinkaboutthatforamoment.“Precisionmovements”fromathousand-poundanimalwith acute emotional abilities, coming from“barely perceptible signalsfromitsrider,”whichmeansahumanbeing.Andweallknowhumanbeingsarefar fromperfect.Again, it’s theonly sportwherewhateveryou’reemotionallyfeeling gets transmuted to the horse. It means that whatever Lisa’s emotionalstatewas,herhorsewouldpickuponitandoftenreflectitinitsperformance.

The problem Lisa battled was extreme nervousness and anxiety beforecompetitions, and this would show itself in her posture. She’d slouch a bit,hunchinghershoulders.Italsoshowedupintheamountofpressureshe’dholdthe reins with; gripping too tight was like a telephone wire sending a signal

straighttothehorsethatscreamed,“I’mnotfeelingconfidentrightnow,andI’msupernervous,soyoushouldbenervous,too!”Herhorse,RickyBobby,pickeduponeverythingloudandclear,andhewoulddancearound,hisposturewouldbe off, and it affected the scores from the judges.After all, the sport is aboutprecisionmovementsduringapredefined routineusingsubtle signals from therider.

DuringoneofourfirstconversationsIaskedLisa,“Whoorwhatrepresentstotalcontrol,totalconfidence,andrealpoise?”

Afterthinkingaboutitforawhile,sherespondedwith“WonderWoman.”ShewentontotellmehowmuchshelovedWonderWomangrowingupand

theclassiccharacterLyndaCarterplayedontelevision.SheexplainedthegoldenlassoandhowWonderWomandescendedfromatribeofAmazonswhorodetobattle on horseback. Lisa had this incredibly strong emotional connection toWonderWoman,plustherewasthesharedconnectiontohorses,soitbecameanaturalAlterEgoforhertoassumeeverytimesheclimbedintohersaddle.

Everysuperherohassuperpowersthathelpthemovercomewhateverconflictexists in theirworlds.WonderWoman has powers like super strength, speed,andflight.Spider-Manhasintelligence,theabilitytoclingtowallsandceilings,andthepowertozapaspiderwebfromhiswrists.Aquamancancontrolthesea,hassuperstrength,andcanbreatheunderwater.

Whileyouwon’tbeleveragingout-of-this-worldsuperpowers,likestoppingbulletswithawristband,usingagoldenlassotoforcepeopletotellthetruth,orshooting spiderwebs from your wrists, your mind has an incredible power tounlock resources you alreadypossess through anAlterEgoyou can step into.Those bullets being stopped by Wonder Woman could be the bullets ofjudgment, fear of criticism, or procrastination yourAlterEgo deflects to keepmovingforward.Justassuperheroesonlyneedandusespecificsuperpowersfortheirworlds,weonlyneedtousespecificsuperpowers,too.

The superpowers my Alter Ego used in business were the powers ofconfidence,decisiveness,andbeingarticulate.Why?Becausetheyweretheverythings Iwas lackingwhen I startedout, and theywere thequalities needed towinonmyFieldofPlay.Now,doesmydad,whorunsacattleranchinCanada,needthosesuperpowers?Maybe,butnotnecessarily.ThesuperpowersIcallonto try tobeagreatfatherarebeingplayful,adventurous,andfunny.Are thosethesuperpowersthatyouneedtouseasaparent?Maybe,butnotnecessarily.

That’sthebeautyofthisprocess.Youdefinethetraits.ThesuperpowersyouselectforyourAlterEgowillbetheonesyouneedthe

mosttoensureyoushowupasyourHeroicSelfonyourFieldofPlayorduringaMoment of Impact.Whenwe looked at yourOrdinaryWorld,we looked at

howyou’reshowingupandwhoyouarerightnow.Welookedatsomeofthebehaviors,thoughts,emotions,actions,beliefs,values,andothertraitsthatwerebeingpulled.

Nowit’stimetogetintentionalandtofindthetraits—thesuperpowers—youneedyourAlterEgotocalluponanduseduringtheMomentofImpactinstead.

Peoplewilloftenaskwhatcomes first: theAlterEgoor theSuperpowers?Bothandneither. Itdoesn’tmatter.Somepeopleknow immediatelywho theirAlterEgois.Ifthat’sthecase,thenweworkbacktolookatwhysomeonechoseaspecificAlterEgototeaseapartallthetraitsandtodeconstructtheAlterEgo’sidentity—itsbehaviorsandmannerisms,itsskillsandcapabilities,thoughtsandemotions,andbeliefsandvaluesaboutitselfandtheworld.

Other times,westartbylookingat theSuperpowerssomeonewants tocallforth in aMoment of Impact, say, poise, confidence, and assertiveness. Thenwe’ll search for someone or something that represents those traits, and thatbecomestheAlterEgo.

There’snorightorwrongway.Whilethebookislaidoutsequentially, therealityofbuildinganAlterEgois it’smoreakintoenteringdoorwaysintotheExtraordinaryWorld.You can bounce around through the various chapters tofind inspiration, which will make the other components finally click for you.TakeZach,forexample;hewasoneofthetopcollegiatehockeyplayersinthecountry and nowplays in the pros.Likemany people, hewanted to dive intocreating and using anAlter EgoASAP.We blew through the first few steps,neverdiggingintohowhewascurrentlyperforming,whatformhisEnemytook,naminghisEnemy,orthedeeperpurposedrivinghimtobuildanAlterEgo.

Whenwefirststartedworkingtogether,hewasstrugglingtocomeupwiththepuckwhenbattling in thecorners.Hewanted to fightharder,buthehadabadinjurywhenhewasyoungerwhenanotherplayercheckedhimfrombehind,so fear andworry caused him to go into the battlewith toomuch trepidation.When we started talking about how he’d like to battle in the corners, heimmediately thought of the TasmanianDevil, so that’swhom he chose as hisAlter Ego. He started taking that mindset out onto the ice and began gettingbetterresults.However,itwasn’tconsistent.Soweworkedbackthroughallthecomponents of building an Alter Ego, to really allow him to resonate andconnectwithitsdeeperpurpose.Intheend,ZachendedupcreatingacompositeAlterEgo,muchlikemyfootball-playingone.

This book is verymuch like aChooseYourOwnAdventurenovel,whereyoucontroltheorder.Aslongasyougothroughallthedoors(chapters),you’llpositionyourAlterEgotodeliverthemostpowerfulGroundPunchpossible—andintheend,that’sallIcareabout.

BUILDINGYOURALTEREGO’SSUPERPOWERS

WhenwelookedattheOrdinaryWorld,welookedatwhoyou’vebeenshowingupasonyourFieldofPlay.

Nowwe’regoingtounlockthatHeroicSelfbycreatinganAlterEgofromthegroundup.IfyouhappentoknowwhoorwhatyourAlterEgoisalreadyandyou know its superpowers, then use the next few pages to hone, refine, andstrengthenyourAlterEgo.

PROMPT1:STARTWITHTHESUPERPOWERSLookforadjectives.HowdoyouwantyourAlterEgotoshowupduringyourMomentofImpact?Doyouwanttobedecisive,adaptable,flexible,ambitious,kind, extroverted, calm, bright, brash, tough, courageous, dynamic, easygoing,lovable,boisterous?

Ifyou’reunsure,tryfillingintheblankwiththisquestion:“IwishIwas...”Whatorwho represents the adjectivesyou selected? Is there someoneyou

associate confidencewith? It could be someonewho also is on your Field ofPlay, ormaybe it’s someone in a different sector, business, or industrywhomyouadmirefortheirconfidence.There’snolimithere.There’snorightorwronganswer.There’snojudgment,either,onwhatorwhomyouchoose.

All that matters is that you select something or someone that you deeplyresonatewith.Aclientofmine,Heidi,usedanAlterEgothatisacrossbetweenthe fictional television character MacGyver, who’s never met a problem hecouldn’t solve, and Marie Forleo, a New York City–based entrepreneur whohostsapopularWebvideoshowcalledMarieTVandhasadynamicandcreativepersonality.

Julia, whom you met earlier, struggled to be firm with her clients innegotiations. A self-professed people pleaser, she said yes to everything andeveryoneevenwhenitdidn’tserveher.Shewantedtostandherground,tostandup for herself. Tired of being seen as gentle and soft-spoken, shewanted theambitionanddeterminationshefelttoshine.

WhenshefirstlearnedabouttheAlterEgo,shethoughtshehadtodoa180withherpersonality.Ifshewasgentleandsoft-spoken,thensheneededtoroarlikealion.Therewasjustoneproblem:shedidn’tfeelanyemotionalresonancewith a lion.Actually, she did, but itwas negative. She didn’t feel like a lion,therewasnokindredspirit,anditfeltlikeastretch.

Thenshegotabirthdaycardfromherhusband.Onthefrontwasadeer—astagwith horns. She loved deer—in herwords, “I’mobsessed.”While peoplelittertheirPinterestboardswithcats,shehaspicturesofdeer.Herhusbandalso

gaveheranecklacewithanantleronit.“Myhusbandsaid,‘Youarekindandgentle and yet, so strong,’ and the combination of all these things really hithome.”

Julia found herAlter Ego—itwas the stag. “Stags stand their ground, yetthey’re quiet and gentle. You still don’t want to mess with one. They’redeterminedandstubborn.”

SheusesherAlterEgotohelpherstandhergroundeveninuncomfortablesituations.Thisistheconnectionyou’relookingforwithwhateveryouchoose.

Youdon’tneedtoconstructamassiveworldorhaveeighteenSuperpowers.When I created Richard, I used only three Superpowers: having confidence,being decisive, and being articulate. Kisma, an entrepreneur, has threeSuperpowers,too:beingreceptive,clear,andopen.

Ifyou’re still getting stuckwith the traitsyouwant topossess tohelpyoushowuponyourFieldofPlayasyouwant,revisitanythingyoucapturedbackinchapter4,“YourOrdinaryWorld,”andflipthetraitsholdingyoubackintotheopposite.ThereasonIchose“decisive”asoneofmycharacteristicswasthatIwas indecisive and procrastinating on the things I knew I needed to do tosucceed.Youcandothesame.

PROMPT2:CHOOSESOMEONEORSOMETHINGYOUADMIREThe second entry point is to startwith someone, something, or an animal youalreadyadmire,andtoaskyourself,“Why?”Whatisitaboutthisperson,thing,oranimalyouadmire?Whattraits(orSuperpowers)dotheypossess?

If you’re drawn toward comic bookhero likeSuperman,WonderWoman,Batman, Black Panther, Storm, Batwoman, Hulk, Wolverine, or Spider-Man,why?Whattraitsdotheyhavethatyouadmireorappreciate?

Maybeyou’repulledtowardahistoricalfigurelikeAbrahamLincoln,JoanofArc,Cleopatra,WinstonChurchill,MarieCurie,Copernicus,Malala,MartinLutherKingJr.,orLeonardodaVinci.Why?Whattraitsdotheyhavethatyouadmireorappreciate?

Perhapsit’saliterarycharacterlikeJaneEyre,HarryPotter,CaptainAhab,NancyDrew, Scarlett O’Hara, Casanova, the Count ofMonte Cristo, or evenWinnie-the-Pooh (yes, really, anything goes) or a fictional character from amovie or television show.Why?What traits do they have that you admire orappreciate?

Maybeit’sacelebrity,athlete,reporter,writer,director,orpolitician.Why?Perhaps it’s someone in your family,maybe a grandparent, parent,mentor, orteacher.Why?Maybeit’sananimal.Why?Again,whattraitsdotheyhavethatyouadmireorappreciate?

Areyoudrawntoaracecar,atruck,atrain,aknife,agadget,agizmo,orsomething robotic? If you’re telling me you know without a doubt that yourAlterEgoisanenginethatneverquits,thenwhoamItoargue?It’syourworld,and you create yourAlter Ego. The key, likewith any Secret Identity you’resteppinginto,istohaveastrongemotionalconnectionwithit.

Sport is littered with athletes who use machines as an Alter Ego. NFLrunning backs Jerome “the Bus” Bettis and Jay “the Train” Ajayi are greatexamples.Bothofthemlove(d)theideaofputtingtheirteamsontheirbacksandcarryingthemtovictory.Orplowingoverdefenders.Asalesrepreachedouttomeonce to tellmehechoseamagnetasapartofhisAlterEgo, toattract theperfectclientsanddeals.“MyTrappedSelfhadsuchaterribleattitude.Ifeltlikeeverything was just harder for me than others. So I wanted my Alter Ego toexperience less resistance and effort to everything I was doing. Mike ‘theMagnet’Murphywasborn.”

YoucanbuildanAlterEgofromanysource,like:

TVormoviecharacterLiterarycharacterCartooncharacterSuperheroEntertainerHistoricalfigureAnimalMachineSomethingabstractAthleteSomeone from your life, like family members, teachers, friends, ormentors(For amore exhaustive list, alongwith the traits associatedwith differentcharacters,visitAlterEgoEffect.com/inspiration.)

Joanne,theladyImentionedinchapter3,wasborninEnglandandmovedtoAustralia for a few years when she was nineteen years old. She saw thisdocumentary on Tracy Edwards, the British sailorwho in 1989 skippered thefirst all-female crew in theWhitbread Round theWorld Yacht Race. Joannedeeplyconnected toTracy,whoasayounggirlgrewupinapoor, landlockedtown.

“There I was, this young girl from Manchester who was going toSouthampton University, where all the great yachtsmen go, where they build

boats,andwherethemenareallproper,andthefirstthingIdidwaswalkintotheclubandjoin.IendedupwinningtheEuropeanboatchampionships twice,butinthatmoment,Ihadnoideahowtosail,justadeterminationtolearn,likeTracy.

“I decided to embody Tracy Edwards, thiswomanwho I saw as focused,strong,andwhosurroundedherselfwithotherstrongandempoweredwomen.Ihadnever seen thatbefore.Untilwatching thatdocumentary, Ididn’t realize Icouldbefemaleandsuccessfulwithouthavingtoemulatethemen.”

MaryAnn,whoownstheautorepairshopwithherhusband,foundthatshewasalwaysdrawntoanimalprints.WhenshestartedplayingwithanAlterEgo,she asked herself, “Why?”Whywas she drawn to these prints? “Animals arepureinstinct.Theydon’thaveimpostersyndrome.They’rejuststrong,andtheyget donewhat they have to get done,” she explains. “Without being aware ofthis, I gravitated toward that kind of energy—itmademe feelmore confidentandpowerful.”

PROMPT3:IT’SRIGHTINFRONTOFYOUIstheresomeonefromyourpastwhomyouhaveaconnectionwithorwhofeelslikeakindredspirit?

TwoofJulia’sAlterEgo’svaluesareadventureand travel.She’sdrawntotheAustrianAlps,eventhoughshegrewupinGermany.Hergreat-great-great-great-grandfather was an alpine explorer, and there is amuseum dedicated tohimbackinhisvillage.Hewasaromanticlandscapepainter,andforgeologicaldocumentationreasonsdecidedtoclimbtheAustrianAlpstopainta360-degreepanorama.Juliahadachancetotourthemuseum,andasshelookedaround,shetoldmethatsherealized,“Sometimes,youjusthavetogetoutofyourownwayandacceptwhat’salreadythere.”

YourAlterEgocanbeafamilymemberwho’sstillliving,too.Itcouldbeaparentoragrandparent,asiblingorcousin,oranauntoruncle.Whenyoulookintoyourfamilyhistory,youmaybesurprisedatwhoyoumightfindandwhoinspiresyoutorealizewhatyou’remadeofandwhereyoucomefrom.

ACEOImetataconferencetoldmeabouthisexperienceaftergraduatingfromuniversity.He steppedout into the realworld anddiscoveredhewas ill-preparedforthechallengesofprofessionallife,especiallytheofficepolitics,theharshnessofcolleagues,andtheanxietyofpitchingproductstocustomerswhodidn’twanttohearfromhim.“Assomeonethatisn’tatype-Apersonality,IfeltlikeIwasgoingtolivefortyyearsinpurgatoryifIdidn’tchangesomething.Itwaseatingmeupinside.”

Hewent on to tellme about one of his professorswho had this dynamic,

playful, and passionate approach to his work. “Professor Martinez seemedfearlessandfree,andI tookeveryclass Icouldfromhim.Hewasmy‘arm’s-lengthmentor.’Hedidn’tknowit,butIreveredhimandwatchedeverythinghedid.SoIdecidedIwouldembody‘theProfessor’andbringhimintomywork.”

WhatsurprisedtheCEOthemostthroughtheprocesswashowmuchmorehefeltlikehimselfthemoreheplayedwiththeAlterEgo.“IrealizedIwasmorethanwho Iwas. I always thought ofmyself as someone that sat back and letotherstaketheleadbecauseitwasfor‘thosetypeofpeople.’Thestrong-willed,the loud, the extroverts. But I found out that I loved being dynamic, I lovedbeing playful and passionate. It felt like I found this alternate universe insidemyself.Itwasfreeing.”

Just like the CEO, you may have had a teacher, coach, or mentor youadmiredandlookedupto.Thoserelationshipscanbeagreatplacetodrawfrom,too.

PICKINGTHEBEST

PeopleoftenaskwhatorwhomakesthebestAlterEgo.Isitasuperhero?Isitamovieortelevisionstar?Isitafictionalcharacter?Andtheanswerisalwaysthesame:

The best Alter Ego is the one you have the deepest emotional connectionwith;emotionalconnectiontrumpseverything.

Ifthere’sacharacterthatyou’velovedsinceyouwerefifteenyearsoldthenit’sworthlookinginto.Ifthere’sanactoryou’vealwaysadmired,startthere.Ifthere’samentor,orafamilymemberlikeaparent,grandparent,aunt,oruncle,gowithit.

Thegreatbenefitofthesourceswe’vejustrunthroughisbecauseyouhadsomuchcontactwiththem,whetherbyreading,watching,orinteractingwiththem,youcaneasilyadoptandcreatethesametraitsandqualitiesintoyourAlterEgoorSecretIdentity.It’slikean“AlterEgoinaBox,”becausetheauthor,moviedirector, family history, or daily interactions have already created a strongnarrativeinyourmind.

CREATEYOUROWN

ThefinalAlterEgoyoucanchooseisonethat’salreadymeaningfultoyou,andyou build creatively. This was likemy high school and college football days

whenImergedtwoofmyfavoriteplayers.Creatingyourowntakesmorementalgymnasticsand imagination,but itcanalso result inamuchricheranddeeperemotional connection. I jammed Walter Payton, Ronnie Lott, and a tribe ofNativeAmericanheroestogethertocreate“Geronimo.”Isimplycherry-pickedthe different attributes and qualities from each person and crafted my SecretIdentity to take onto the field.And for the skinny kid playing on a fieldwithbeastsdoublemysize,itworked.

Another example is Ted, who lost his confidence after suffering a fewsetbacks in his business andbuilt hisAlterEgo in a similarway.Tedowns abusiness that creates custom technology solutions for clients in the softwarespacetoreducethetimetomarketandtheoverallcostoftheirproducts.

He grew up playing outdoors and doing chores on his family’s farm inHonduras.HeimmigratedtotheUnitedStatesonascholarshiptotheUniversityof Vermont, where he graduated with a degree in electrical and computerengineering.

Aftersufferingsomesetbacksandbeginningtolosefaithandconfidenceinhimself,hedecidedtoleavethis“strugglingself”onthesidelinesandstepintoan Alter Ego.When Ted was faced with new business opportunities, makingsales calls and pitches, he called upon “Catracho Spearo.” Catracho is anickname for Hondurans, and spearo is the word for a spearfishing guide inHonduras.

Ted used to go spearfishing all the time and still does occasionally. Andwhenhe’s seekingnewbusinessopportunities,he imaginesbeing in the sixty-foot-deepwater,withthirteen-footgreatwhitesharkscirclingthewatersaroundhimastheyoftenwould.Everymorning,CatrachoSpearogoesout inhisboatand swims around the waters, full of courage, confidence, and fearlessness,searchingfornewbusinessopportunitiesasifhewerelookingtocatchafishfortheday.“CatrachoSpearoisfocused,mighty,andtough,”saysTed.

As he explains, when you’re out in the ocean diving for fish, you haveminimalresources,andjustonebreathatatimetodiveunder,toquicklyharnesstheopportunityforascore.You’relookingtospearabluefintuna,ahalibut,oralargelobster,butyou’renottheonlyoneseekingpreyoutthere.Biggreatwhitesharks scour the depths of thewaters beside you, threatening to take not onlyyouropportunityawayfromyou,butalsoyourentirebusiness.

Thegoal,eachday, is tocaptureanopportunityandcarry it safely toyourboat.

“I struggled to get throughmy fear andmyweaknesses,” saysTed, “but IbecomeCatrachoSpearowhenIgivepresentations,whenIattendmeet-ups,orwhen I feel uncomfortable with a new project or task. Catracho Spearo says,

‘I’vebeeninworsesituationsbefore.Ijustneedtoloadmygun,dive,andtakethe opportunity when I see it. As long as I step out onto the Field of Play,somethingwillstick,andit’sgoingtostickbig-time.’”

WhatmakesCatrachoSpearoastrongAlterEgoisthat,first,Tedisalreadypassionate about the outdoors and spearfishing, so bam! Immediately he’sconnectedtothetraitsandabilitiesittakestosucceedinthoseenvironments,andhe has a deep connection to them. Then he’s added the connection to hishomeland, Honduras, with the nickname Catracho, which has a deeplymeaningfulemotionalconnectiontohim—it’swherehe’sfrom,hisfamilystilllives there, and he’s a proud Honduran. Bam! Another deep emotionalconnectionandreverencetohonorandusetobringpridetohisfamilyoforiginandtribe.

LikeIsaidearlierinthischapter,therearemultiplewaystofindyourAlterEgo. Throughout this chapter, I was prompting youwith trying to build yourAlterEgoby identifying the traits andabilitiesyou’dmostwant todisplayonyourFieldofPlaytohelpyoucreateanExtraordinaryWorld.

Herearesomeadditionalquestionsyoucanusetouncoverthosetraits:

WhatarethequalitiesyouadmireaboutotherpeopleonyourFieldofPlay?ThepeopleexceptionalonyourFieldofPlayhavewhatqualities?

Ifyouwereprolificatwhatyoudo:

Howwouldyouthinkaboutyourself?Whatattitudeswouldyouhaveaboutbusiness?Yourskillsinbusiness?Whatbeliefswouldyouhave?Howwouldyoucarryyourselfphysically?

Ifitwereoneyearfromtoday,andyouridentityhadbeencompletelyalteredbecause of your commitment to your Alter Ego, what would your mostsupportivebest friends say are the top three things they are astoundedwith inregard to your transformation? What would they be constantly telling otherpeopleaboutyourtransformationandnewresults?

WhenyoulookbackatwhatyouwroteintheOrdinaryWorldsection,whatare the opposites of all thoseweaknesses or perceived negative attributes youlisted?

What are the traits, abilities, attitudes, beliefs, values, andbehaviorsyou’dpossesstodefeattheEnemytryingtostopyou?

Gothroughthefollowinglistofcharactertraitsandcircleornotewhichones

you already possess. Then go through and underline or note five to ten traitsyournewAlterEgooridentityisgoingtopossess,aswell.

AdaptableAdventurousAffableAffectionateAgreeableAmbitiousAmiableAmicableAmusingBadassBraveBrightBroad-MindedCalculatingCalmCarefulCharmingCollectedCommunicativeCompassionateCompetitiveCompleteConfidentConscientiousConsiderateConsistentControlledCoolCourageousCourteousCreativeDeadlyDecisiveDeterminedDiligentDiplomatic

DisciplinedDiscreetDynamicEasygoingEmotionalEnergeticEnthusiasticExtrovertedExuberantFair-MindedFaithfulFearlessFierceFieryFlamboyantFlexibleFluidForcefulFrankFriendlyFunnyGenerousGentleGiantGiftedGoodGregariousHardworkingHelpfulHonestHumorousImaginativeImpartialIndependentIntellectualIntelligentIntuitiveInventiveKind

LightLovedLovingLoyalMightyModestMysteriousNeatNiceOptimisticOrganizedPassionatePatientPersistentPeskyPioneeringPhilosophicalPlacidPluckyPolishedPolitePowerfulPracticalProactiveQuick-WittedQuietRationalReliableReservedResourcefulSensibleShadowySincereSlipperySociableSpiritedStraightStrongSwift

SympatheticSystematicThoughtfulTallTidyTightToughTrickyUnassumingUnderstandingVelvetyVersatileViciousWarmheartedWillingWitty

Afteryou’veselectedfivetotencharactertraitsthatwoulddefineyourAlterEgoornewidentity,howwouldyouexhibitordemonstratethosequalities?

Forexample,ifyouchose“powerful,”howwouldyoushowupinbusinessas“powerful”?

Whatdoesthatlookliketosomeoneelse?Whatdoesthatfeelliketoyou?Whatwouldyousoundliketootherpeople?What are the attitudes you have about yourself/business that would cause

youtobemorepowerful?Doyouhaveanexampleofsomeoneyoualreadyperceivetobepowerful?

Howdotheyact/speak/think?

UseanyorallofthesequestionstobringoutthecorequalitiesofyourAlterEgo.AnotherwaytogothroughtheexerciseandapowerfulmindsetshiftwouldbetoanswerthosequestionsasyourAlterEgo.IfyouchoseSuperman,WonderWoman,IndianaJones,OprahWinfrey,yourgrandma,MuhammadAli,Winnie-the-Pooh, Mr. Rogers, Dora the Explorer, Abraham Lincoln, EllenDeGeneres . . . I couldgoon.Answering thequestionsasyourAlterEgocanreleaseanewlevelofcreativity,awareness,andimaginationtowhat’spossible.

As I’ve said throughout this book, there aren’tmany rules to this; findingyourSecretIdentityisapersonalprocess.Usetheonerightforyou.Remember

theall-timegreatathleteBoJacksonandthestoryIsharedattheverybeginningof thisbook?HisAlterEgowas Jason from theFriday the13thhorrormovieseries. To the average person that sounds completely insane, except his AlterEgo isn’t based on what others think; it’s the meaning he pulled from thecharacter,whowasunemotionalandrelentless,thetwothingsJacksonneededtobattlehisinternalenemyofuncontrollableanger.

Thinkingthroughthosequestionsandsinkingyourproverbialteethintothemwill grow your ability to make a tremendous impact on your ExtraordinaryWorld.Makeithappen!

NAMINGYOURALTEREGO

Forsomepeople,theirAlterEgo’snameisobvious.Ifyou’vechosenafictionalcharacterorsomeonefromreallife,thenyou’regoingtousethatperson’snamemostlikely.

Ifyouchoseananimal,orifyouwentintothelabtocarefullyconstructyourownAlter Ego after being inspired by the Superpowers of a few, then you’regoingtoneedtogiveitaname.

Why?FortheveryreasonwenametheEnemy.Namesgiveshapeandformtosomething.Wewalkaroundwithnames,right?Wedon’tshout,“Hey,man,come here!” or “Hey, guywith no hair on his head and a tattoo on his rightforearm!”Aname encompasses all theSuperpowers and traits and gives yourAlterEgoarealidentity.

You can pick something like Ted did with Catracho Spearo, or you cancreateonelikeAlontodid.YoumightrecallAlontofromchapter9andhisAlterEgo, “BigWave.”Alonto andhiswife run amarketing company.Born in thePhilippines, Alonto immigrated to theUnited States when hewas twelve andwentintoofficercandidateschoolinthemilitary,goingontoserveintheU.S.Navyforeightyearsbeforeworkingasanaerospaceengineer.

Beforestartinghisbusiness,Alontohadnevergivenapublicspeech,nevergavepublicpresentations,andneverbilledhimselfasaspeaker.Butnowhewasbeing asked to speak before live audiences with as many as seven hundredpeopleinattendance.

Alonto’sAlterEgo,BigWave, lives at the side of the stagewaiting to becalledforth.

BigWave is oneofmy favoriteAlterEgonames for a few reasons.First,AlontoisaPacificIslanderfromthePhilippines,and,inhiswords,he’salways“gravitatedtowardstheislandexplorerlifestyle.”Emotionalresonance?Check.

BigWaveisinspiredbytheRock’scharacterMaui,ademigodwhohelpstheheroine, Moana, in the Disney movieMoana. “That’s my persona, when itcomestotheAlterEgo,”Alontoexplains.“Alotofit’sheritage,alotofit’stheislandbackground,butthere’sjustsomethingaboutthatcharacterthatresonatesinme.It’ssomeonethatfiresmeupwhenitcomestothinkingaboutmyAlterEgo.”Emotionalresonance,again?Check,check.

BigWaveisauniqueAlterEgonameforafewreasons.One,Alontohasastrongemotionalconnection to the seaand the island lifestyle.Two, thenameholdsaculturalsignificanceforAlonto,andit’stiedtohisfamilyandwherehewasbornand raised.Three, aswe talkedabout earlier, theAlterEgohelpsusreach the flowstate.BigWaveand flowgoexceptionallywell together. It’s acoolplayonwordsandcreatesanimageconnectedtoflow,soit’slikeanothertriggerforAlonto’smindthatsaysitwantstogetintotheflowstate.

Megastar Beyoncé Knowles used the name Sasha Fierce to step into herAlterEgoonstage.Asayounggirlgrowingupinareligiousfamilyandsinginggospel in the choir at church every Sunday, she started out performing in aconservativeandmodestenvironment.LasttimeIchecked,thereweren’talotofshort skirts andprovocativemovements at the front of a church.Sowhen shestartedherpopsingingcareerandwasaskedtoperformdanceroutinesandsingprovocative lyrics, it onlymade sense that itwould competewithher existingidentity.CreatinganAlterEgotomorefreelyexpresshercreativeimpulseswasa natural part of the process. And I love her use of the name Fierce. It hasattitude,whichI’msuresheneededinthebeginningtoexpressthisnewidentityandbeintentionalaboutwhowasgoingtoshowuponthatFieldofPlay.Andit’sprettyhardtoarguewithhersuccess.

SuperstarbasketballplayerKobeBryantchose“BlackMamba”ashisAlterEgoonthecourt.Why?InaninterviewwiththeNewYorker,KobesaysthathegottheideaforthenicknamefromQuentinTarantino’sfilmKillBill,inwhichthesnake,knownforitsagilityandaggressiveness,wasusedasacodenameforadeadlyassassin.

“I readupon theanimalandsaid, ‘Wow, this isprettyawesome,’”Bryantrecalled.“ThisisaperfectdescriptionofhowIwouldwantmygametobe.”

The inspiration for your Alter Ego’s name can come in many forms, buthere’swhat I know. It typically evolves over time. So don’t concern yourselfwithgettingitperfect.Justlikewhenyounamedyourpetforthefirsttime,theirnameprobablyevolvedovertimeintoanickname.

Whenyou’rechoosingyourAlterEgo’sname,keepinmindthatyou’llwanttohaveanemotionalconnectiontoit(justlikeAlonto,Kobe,Joanna,Beyoncé,andme).

It should also connect to the Superpowers you’ll need to perform on yourFieldofPlayandwillactasanothertriggerremindingyouofwhatyouwanttotapintoduringthoseMomentsofImpact.

Hereareafewideastohelpkick-startyourimagination:

a. Ifyou’vedecidedtocombinetwoormoresourcesofinspiration,youcouldcombinetheirnames,like“BlackWonder,”acombinationofBlackPantherandWonderWoman.i. Buddha-Man(combinationoftheBuddhaandSuperman)ii. NapoleonPatton(NapoleonBonaparteandGeneralGeorgeS.Patton)iii. Mess-Aldo(LionelMessiandCristianoRonaldo)iv. GrandmaBear(yourgrandmaandabear)v. SonicBond(SonictheHedgehogandJamesBond)

b. Give your Alter Ego a title like king, lord, queen, general, commander,princess, master, wizard, champion, expert, etc. And then you couldpossiblyaddinyournameoraddinthenameofyourFieldofPlayorthemaincharacteristicyou’dliketodisplayortheactivity/itemyou’retryingtomaster:i. CommanderoftheCourt[“InsertTitle”oftheFieldofPlay]ii. Joanna,Queen of the Boardroom [“Insert Name,” “Insert Title” of the

FieldofPlay]iii. Matthew,LordoftheStrings[“InsertName,”“InsertTitle”ofthe“Insert

Activity/ItemYou’reTryingtoMaster”]iv. Susan,Queenof theClose [“InsertName,”“InsertTitle”of the“Insert

Activity/ItemYou’reTryingtoMaster”]v. TaylortheUnstoppable[“InsertName”the“InsertCharacteristic”]

c. SimplygiveyourAlterEgothenameoftheanimalorobjectyoumayhavechosenandaddinyourname:i. TheBlackMamba,orKobe“theBlackMamba”Bryantii. TheLion,or,Kerri“theLion”Hermaniii. TheGreatWhite,orKeith“theGreatWhite”Kranceiv. TheRock,orDwayne“theRock”Johnson

d. CreateafictionalnameasaSecretIdentityandthenaddinanadjectivethatwould describe how you’d like to approach your Field of Play, likeBeyoncédidwithSashaFierce:i. TracyTough

ii. JackieCalmiii. MichaelSharpiv. KennyCouragev. WittyWynona

e. Takeasuperheroorcharacteryou’re inspiredbyandadd it in frontoforbehind your own name or the profession/role you’re in, like TasmanianZach:i. EditorBond[Profession+JamesBond]ii. MichelleLennon[Ownname+JohnLennon]iii. IncredibleBaller[IncredibleHulk+Role(basketballplayer)]iv. SallyWinfrey[Ownname+OprahWinfrey]v. WinstonMarshall[WinstonChurchill+Ownname]

Therearen’tanyrulestothis,sojustpickanameandstartrunningwithit.This part of the Alter Ego Effect is one of my absolute favorites in the

processbecauseitgetsyourimaginationgoingandempowersyoutocreateyourExtraordinaryWorld. It’s also the point where you’re in the lab creating theSecret Identity to battle the forces of the Enemy trying to pull you into theOrdinaryWorld. Nowwe’re going to begin the process of adding evenmoredepth,strength,andpotencytoyourSecretIdentitybybuildinganOriginStory.Let’sgetstarted...

Chapter12

BreathingLifeintoYourAlterEgo

Adolescenceistough.Beyondthefactthathormonesareragingandthattryingtotameemotionsis

likestoppingacrashof rhinos, seeingotherkidsgrowfaster thanyou ishard.Especiallywhenyou’reanathletetryingtocompeteforstartingroles.

Connecticut is a baseball-crazy state. It’s a part of the tri-state area thatcentersonNewYorkCity,wheremillionsofpeopleliveandcommuteto.Mostofthetimeyou’llfindYankeesfansinthearea,withthetokenMetsfansand,evenmorerare,RedSoxfans.(Okay,therearelotsofMetsfans.Theyjustdon’tadmitit.)Timwasnodifferent.HelivedandbreathedtheYankees.

Hewasararekid,aneleven-year-oldwithatonofmaturityandleadershipskillshecouldbottle,sell,andmakeafortunewith.IlikedTimbecausehewassmall,gritty,andneverquit.

For thepastdecade, I’ve takenahandfulofyoungathletesundermywingandmentoredthemforfree.Theyapply,writeanessay,andtakeanassessmenttojumpthroughthehoopstoshowmewho’sseriousenoughtoputintheeffort.Timwasoneofthem,andweworkedtogetherforyears.

Forthefirstcoupleofyears,hemadeiteasyforme.Hedidhiswork,builthis routines, and started to build a strongmental game foundation.But crackseventuallybegan toshowup.Duringoneofour regularSkypecallshewasn’thisusual upbeat, positive self.At first he just chalked it up tohaving a toughtimeattheplate.“I’mjustnotmakinggoodcontact,”he’dsay.

We’d work on visualization and imagery techniques, but they weren’thelping.

Finally,onedayhecamebackfromatournamentinGeorgia,wherehehadaweakperformance.Hethrewoutanoffhandedcomment:“Man,youshould’veseenhowbig theguysweredown there!They looked likemen! I couldn’thitthem.”

Now, formost people that may just come across as an observation and ateenagethingtosaywheneveryoneisracingthroughpubertyatdifferentspeeds.Butitwasthewayhesaid,“Icouldn’thitthem.”

“Whatdoyoumean?”Isaid.“Theseguysaregettingbiggerandbigger.SometimesI’dgouptotheplate,

andI’dbarelymakeituptotheirchest.Halftheguysaregrowingbeards!”“Tim,isthatwhatyou’rethinkingwhenyou’rewalkinguptotheplate?”“Alotofthetime.Unlesssomeoneispitchingthat’ssmallerlikeme.Then

I’m fine.ButDadhaseven started tonotice it’sgetting inmyhead, andyellsfromthebleachersallthetimeto‘justfocusonyourswing!’Heneverusedtodoit,butnowthatI’minaslump,hecoachesmore,andallitdoesismakemeoverthinkeverything.”

“Isthathowyouseeyourselfnow,Tim?Smallerandweakerthantheotherplayers,justbecausethey’retallerorweighmore?”

He stuttered and stammered, notwanting to admit it, until he finally said,“Well,it’shardnotto.”

Timhadgonefromthissuperconfidentballplayertoforgettingthatthegamewas aboutmore than just how big you were. There was skill, technique, andstrategy,butoncehelosthisconfidence,helosthisskills.

InsteadoftryingtogetTimtobelieveinhimselfagainandstopfocusingonthe size of all the other players, it was a perfect opportunity to create a newversionofhimself.AnAlterEgothatwouldbeagiant.

“Tim.HaveyoueverheardofPaulBunyan?”“No,Idon’tthinkso.”“Okay. Iwant you to find out about him and then callme tomorrow after

school,”Isaid.HewasalittleconfusedbecauseIwasn’thelpinghimsolvehisproblemlike

we’dusuallydo.“Uhmmm,sowe’redone?”“Yep.Talktoyoutomorrow.”Thenextdayhecalledat fouro’clocksharpandfilledmeinon“thegreat

PaulBunyan.”HewentontotellmeBunyancamefromoldNorthAmericanfolktalesand

was a ninety-four-foot-tall lumberjack who helped out the settlers in earlyAmerica.“Hewassuperstrong, superfast, and reallygoodat swinginghisax,”Timsaid.

Healsosaidhefoundsomeresearchthatsaidhislastnameoriginatedfrom“bonyenne”inCanadianFrench,whichmeanssurpriseandastonishment.“He’sbasicallyareallygood,reallybigguythatknowshowtomakethingshappen.”

“Awesome,” I said. “Remember when we talked about Alter Egos in thepast?”

“Yes.”“Well,whatifyouwalkeduptotheplateasPaulBunyan?WhatwouldPaul

Bunyanthinkaboutthepitcheronthemound?WouldPaulBunyanbeworriedabout any of the same things you are? He has an ax that can knock down amassive tree with one swing; do you think he could smack a ball out of aballpark?”

Thegreatthingaboutworkingwithyoungstersisthatthey’renotmanyyearsremoved from the days when they played make-believe. They let theirimaginationsrunwildwithideas.IcouldseeTimshifthisbodylanguageonmycomputerscreenandbegintolookmorelikehisoldself.

WewentbackandforthtalkingmoreandmoreabouthowhecouldusePaulBunyan, and leave “small Tim” on the sidelines. “So I can just let Paul takeover?”heasked.

“Whynot?You’vealreadyletsomeoneelsetakeoveryourswingandyourmindset.Sowhynottrysomeoneelse?”Iresponded.

Hewasgameforit.Just as we looked at all the ways you’re currently showing up in your

Ordinary World—the behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and traits—you want toidentifyhowyourAlterEgowill showup inyourExtraordinaryWorld.Therearemanywayswecanmake thishappen. IfyoualreadyhaveanAlterEgoorSecretIdentityinmind,thenusethelayersinthischaptertorefineandcompleteits Identity. If youdon’t have anAlterEgoyet, noproblem;you’ll be able tocreate yourAlter Ego from the ground up and then in the following chapterspossiblyfindasourceofinspirationthatalsohasthosequalities.Ornot.Therearen’tanyrulestothis.YoucouldcreateacompletelynewanduniqueAlterEgowithoutanyinspirationfromthesourceswe’vealreadylisted.

Ispoketoaladyoncewhowantedtobea“goodcook”verybadlybutdidn’tfeellike“itwasherthing.”“Ilovethecreativityofit,butIthinkyoueitherhaveitoryoudon’t.”Withoutgettingintoatherapysessionwithher,becauseIcouldsense her hesitance came from someone telling her shewas terrible, plus I’mcompletelyunqualified todo therapy, I suggested she start taking famouschefJuliaChild into the kitchen and seewhat happens. She’d already toldme shelovedher.“Sowhynotuseher?”Iasked.

She thought for a moment and dismissed it as a fun idea, but thought it“probablywasn’t for her.” That isn’t quite the end of the story, but I’ll comebacktoitlater.

In theprevious chapter,we started to skim the surfaceof uncoveringyourAlter Ego and defining its Superpowers. In this chapter,we’re going to dig alittledeeperandaddmoredepthtoit.Themorevividyoucanmakeit,thebetterthechanceyou’llshowupontheFieldofPlayandwin.

WhenIwasstrugglingandjuststartingoutinmybusinessandbegantouse

“Richard”asmyAlterEgo,Ididn’thavetopauseandthinkabouthowIwantedtobehave. Ididn’t thinkaboutwhatRichard’s thoughts,emotions,beliefs,andvalueswere. Ididn’thave to thinkaboutbeingworriedand fearful asTodd. Iknew how Richard would show up because of the inspirations I was pullingfrom.

Ifyoualreadyhaveanideaofsomeoneorsomethingyou’dliketoembodyas your Alter Ego, then you can do one of two things with the followingexercises.One,answerthequestionsasyou’dseetheAlterEgoshowinguponthe Field of Play. This is called the “Observer Technique.” You’re simplywatching or imagining what they would do, say, think, or feel. The secondoption is to go through the exercises as if you are theAlter Ego. This is the“Immersion Technique.” You’re thinking through the questions as your AlterEgo.ThisisagreattraininggroundforgettingyoutoplaywithyourAlterEgo.

Somethingelse thathashelpeda lotofotherpeoplewith thisprocess, justlikeTim,istoreadinterviewsyourAlterEgohasgivenandtowatchvideosofyour Alter Ego to observe their behaviors and mannerisms. If it’s a fictionalcharacterfrombooks,you’llwant toreadthebooks.If it’sananimal, findoutmoreabouttheanimalanditsheroqualities.

Forexample,ifyouchoseOprah,immerseyourselfinherworld.Detailsarewhentheimaginationcomesalive.

Sotohelpyougetstarted,let’sstartworkingthroughthelayersoftheAlterEgoEffectmodel.

LAYER1:HOWYOUSHOWUP(Skills,Knowledge,Behaviors,Actions,Reactions)

Whatabilities,knowledge,behaviors,actions,orreactionsdoyouwantyourAlter Ego to possess? This could be your ability to control a roomwith yourpresence,ortheabilitytoarticulateapointinasuccinctandcharismaticway.

Oneofmyclientswasresistanttolearningaboutfinances.Butwhenyou’rerunningamillion-dollarbusiness,that’saseverehandicap.Afterall,businessisa game that’s kept scorewith numbers. So instead of developing the skill, heneverwantedtolookatwhatwascominginandwhatwasgoingoutorhiscashflow.

He could have other peoplemanage and handle his business’smoney, forsure,butasanownerorexecutive,ifyoupushthefinancialrealityoffentirely,itlimits your abilities towinbig.Winbigwith negotiations.Winbigwith yourprofits.Andwinbigwithyouunderstandingyourpathtogrowth.Atsomepoint,you’llget takenadvantageof.You’llenterabaddeal,oryou’llnegotiatepoor

terms.Myclienthadastrongpresenceinhisfield,buthisbusinesswasonlifesupport.

We didn’t tear apart why he didn’t like numbers, which I knew stemmedfromsomedeep-rootedbeliefinhisrelationshipwithmoney.Hehadcomefromafamilythatdidn’thavemuch.SoinsteadwesetupFinancialFridays,thedaythat finances would get taken care of, including all financial meetings. Andinsteadofhimshowingupforthosemeetings,hisAlterEgo,wholovedfinancesandwasdiligentwiththedetailsandnumbers,showedup.

WhenwewalkedthroughyourOrdinaryWorld,welookedatsomeofyourcurrentactionsandbehaviors,andtheresultsyou’vebeengettingonyourFieldofPlay.NowwewanttolookathowyourAlterEgowillperformontheFieldofPlay,inthatMomentofImpact.

Whatareyouractionsandbehaviors?Forexample,innegotiations,leaningforward may indicate an aggressive stance, while leaning back can signalindifference. If you’re talking clearly and calmly, then that can signal you’reconfident and in control. Is one behavior or personality trait better than theother?Notreally.Itjustdependsonyourintent.

WhatmattersishowyouwantyourAlterEgotoshowup.IfyouwantyourAlterEgototalkquietlyandcalmlyandwithanairofauthority,thenthat’showyou’llwantyourAlterEgotoshowup.IfyouwantyourAlterEgotohavetheSuperpowerofexcitementandlivelinessandeagerness, thenthat’showthey’llshowup.Ofcourse,thiscanbeprimarilyinfluencedbythesourceorinspirationforyourAlterEgo.ElonMuskwouldbehavedifferentlyinajobinterviewthanAbrahamLincoln,EllenDeGeneres,SimonCowell,BarackObama,orOprah.

WhatarethebehaviorsthatyourAlterEgoembodies?Howwillitact?Willitsposturechange?Willitholditsheaddifferently?Willyourfacialexpressionschange?IhaveanathleteintheNBAwhohasaslightsquintinhiseyeswhenhe’sfacingoffwithanopponent.It’stheretoshuthismouth,sohedoesn’ttalktrash.Hestaresatthemforlongstretchesoftime,untiltheybreakthegaze.Hewantstomakethemuncomfortable.

ThinkaboutthephysicalmannerismsyourAlterEgomayhave.(Thisisn’tamust, but some people use them as a way to anchor into their Alter Ego.) Aphysicalmannerismcanbeamanifestationofapositiveattribute.Forexample,CaryGranthadacertainwayheheldhiswhiskeyglassthatmadehimfeelmorerefined.If“refined”wastheattributehewanted,thenthiswashiswayofactingthat way. If someone says something to you in a meeting, and you typicallyshootfromthehipandfirearesponseonlytoregretitlater,willyourAlterEgosimply pause and calmly respond with a “Let me think about it” or “That’sinteresting” or “Letme checkmy calendar and get back to you”? If someone

asksaquestionduringameetingandyouneverraiseyourhand,willyourAlterEgoleaninandspeakupinstead?

If youneed to, thinkbackon the old actions youwere takingduringyourMomentsofImpactinyourOrdinaryWorld,thenthinkaboutthenewactionyouwant yourAlter Ego to take.Or, if you already knowwho orwhat you’ll beborrowingyourAlterEgofrom,whatdosomeoftheirmannerismslooklike?

You can also consider other physical qualities, such as what would yourAlter Ego look like? When I asked an entrepreneur what other successfulentrepreneurslookedlike,hetoldmethey’rewelldressedwithatailoredlook.That’snottheimageIpicture,andIknowquiteafewsuccessfulentrepreneurswhodressinjeansorshortsandT-shirts.Butmyopinionholdszeroweight.Myclientwascreatinghisworld,andinhisworld,entrepreneursdressinstyle.

Inyourworld,howdoesyourAlterEgodress?Isthereaspecificarticleofclothing, like a hat or scarf it wears? Is there a style of dress you quicklyassociatewith yourAlter Ego?Years ago, Iwas flipping through amagazinewhilesittingatanairportterminal,andIsawapictureoffourmenintuxedos.One man caught my eye. His suit jacket’s sleeves were hemmed about twoinchesshorterthantheothermen’s,anditwasstrikinghowmuchhestoodout.Ilikedit,soIadoptedit,too.Whowastheman?FrankSinatra.WhenIlookedatSinatrainhissuit,Isawconfidenceandstyle.

ThinkaboutyourAlterEgo’spresence.Howdotheycarrythemselvesinaroom? Mark Cuban, outspoken entrepreneur, owner of the Dallas Mavericksbasketballteam,andoneofthestarsofthetelevisionshowSharkTank,tendstositback inhischairon the show inavery relaxedpose.Sometimeshe’ll leanforwardwhen he’s interested in someone’s idea.DanielCraig,when he playsJamesBond,hasapronouncedswaggerwithhisshoulderswhenhewalks.

Here’sahelpfullistofpossibleattributesyoucouldtapinto:

AdaptableAdventurousAffectionateAlertAmbitiousAnalyticalAppreciativeBoldCalmCautiousCentered

CharmingConfidentCooperativeCourageousCourteousCreativeCuriousDecisiveDiplomaticDisciplinedDiscreetEasygoingEfficientEmpatheticEnthusiasticExtrovertedFlamboyantFlirtatiousFocusedFriendlyFunnyGenerousGentleHappyHonestHonorableHospitableHumbleIdealisticImaginativeIndependentIndustriousInnocentInspirationalIntelligentIntrovertedJustKindLoyal

MatureMercifulMeticulousNaturalFocusedNurturingObedientObjectiveObservantOptimisticOrganizedPassionatePatientPatrioticPensivePerceptivePersistentPersuasivePhilosophicalPlayfulPrivateProactiveProfessionalProperProtectiveQuirkyResourcefulResponsibleSensibleSensualSentimentalSimpleSociallyAwareSophisticatedSpiritualSpontaneousSpunkyStudiousSupportive

TalentedThriftyTolerantTraditionalTrustingUninhibitedUnselfishWhimsicalWholesomeWiseWitty

LAYER2:WHOYOUARE(Attitudes,Beliefs,Values,Perceptions,Expectations)

Atthislevel,youwanttodigintothatspacewhereattitudes,beliefs,values,perceptions,andexpectationsrest.

“MyAlterEgobelieves...”Fillintheblank.“MyAlterEgobelieveshe’sanengagingwriterwhodrawspeople intoall

hisstories,andreadersareexcitedabouteverythinghecreates.”“MyAlterEgobelieves she’s apowerfulpresenteron the stage.Hermere

presencecaptivatesandmovesanaudience.”Now,whataboutchangingup thewordbelieveswithknows?Reread those

sentenceswiththissimplesubstitution.“My Alter Ego knows she’s a powerful presenter on the stage. Her mere

presencecaptivatesandmovesanaudience.”There’sabigdifferencebetween“knowing”and“believing”;Iwantyouto

knowyou’regreat.Brianworksforamassiveinsurancecompany,andwhilehehadgreatideas,

heneverspokeup.Heclassifiedhimselfanintrovertandoftenfeltintimatedbytype-Apeople inboardmeetings,whichwasmorea resultof abullyingolderbrother.HisAlterEgo,however,wasMisterFantastic,fromTheFantasticFour.HisAlterEgowasn’t justaboutchanginghisbehaviors, itwasaboutchangingthethoughts.“I’vegotbrilliantideastoshareandeveryonewantstohearthem.”Brian’sAlter Ego, the brilliant scientistReedRichards,would never have thethoughtthatheshouldn’tsharehisideas.

What does your Alter Ego believe about themselves? Or know aboutthemselves?WhatdotheybelieveabouttheFieldofPlaythey’restandingon?

Asyou’rethinkingaboutyourAlterEgo,thinkaboutwhatitwouldbelieve

about itself, and then about the world, which might include other people. Ifyou’re inameetingwithpossibleclientsor trying toclosea sale,whatwouldtheybethinkingabouttheAlterEgo?“Theycan’twaitfor thechancetoworkwithme,”yourAlterEgowouldbelieve.“Theaudienceabsolutelywantstohearmespeak,”yourAlterEgowouldthinkrightbeforeitwentonstage.

Sitting in a roomwithOprah, you’dbe thinkingdifferent things about herthanyouwouldaboutalionorLincolnorMalala.

YoucanalsoconsideryourAlterEgo’svalues.TherearehundredsofvaluesthatmayormaynotserveyouonyourFieldofPlay.Fairness, justice,wealth,joy,family,friendships,loyalty,andpowerareexamplesofvaluesthatmayhelporhinderyourAlterEgodependingonhowyouneedittoshowupduringyourMomentofImpact.

Thisisajudgment-freezone.Therearenogoodorbadvalues—justvaluesthat help you perform and those that hold you back. Power is a value—sometimesit’shealthy,andothertimes,valuingtoomuchofitleavesyoualoneandisolated.

YoucanalsoconsiderwhatthoughtsyourAlterEgowillhave.Ifyouaren’tsure,trythis:WhatthoughtswillyourAlterEgoneverhave?IfyoureadthroughtheOrdinaryWorldchaptersandyourealizedyoucurrentlyshowupthinking,Ican’tpitchinvestorsandgetthemtoclose,thenyourAlterEgoisgoingtothink,Ipitchinvestors,andgetthemtoagreetoourdealsallthetime.

Once again, remember, all of these questions, layers, and examples aren’t100percentprerequisites tousing theAlterEgoEffect andbenefiting from it.Most likely you’ve already used something similar at somepoint in your life.NowI’mjusthandingyouthekeystoamorerobustsystem.Justasmanystreetsandavenuesleadtothecenteroftown,therearemanywaystohelpyouconnecttothisconcept,useit,andleadyourHeroicSelfontotheFieldofPlay.

THEPACKAGE

OneeveningaboutsixweeksaftertheconversationwiththeaspiringcookwhowantedtofindherinnerJuliaChild,Icamehometoapackagewaitingforme.Ididn’trecognizethenameonthepackage,butIopenedittoseewhatwasinside.After Ipeeledopen thecardboardbox, Idiscoveredabeautifullywrappedgiftboxwithanotecardattached.

I pulled the note off the ribbon itwas clinging to and it read, “Youwereright.—Julia.”

Theboxwas filledwithsomeof theabsolutebestchocolatebrownies I’ve

ever had.And I onlywish I’dgotten the idea earlier to tell people to tap intotheirinnerJuliaChild.

MOREEXERCISESTOBUILDYOURALTEREGO

TheseexercisesareacollectionofsomeI’veusedwithclientsinthepasttohelpthem get greater clarity with their Alter Ego. Try one, try them all, possiblysomethingelsewillclickforyou.

Exercise1:Relaxyourselfandimaginewatchingyourcharactergrowingupfrombirthuntilnow.Whatshapedthem?Whatdotheydodifferentlyfromyou?Howdo they look?Howdo they speak?Whatwords or phrases do theyuse?Whatfeelingsdotheyhave?Whatskillsandcapabilitiesdotheypossess?

Exercise2:ImagineyourselfinalabcreatingthisAlterEgo.Whatareyouadding, what are you taking away? One of my clients did this exercise byimaginingitwashistwinbrother,andtheywereseparatedatbirth.Hisbrotherwasstuckinablackholeofwisdomandlearnedallthehighest-levelskillsofhissport.Myclient tapped intohisAlterEgowhenhewanted to showupon theplayingfieldasasourceofinfinitewisdom.

Exercise3:WriteoutafullconversationbetweenyouandtheAlterEgo.IhadoneclientpretendshewasstuckinanelevatorwithherAlterEgo,andtheyhadnooneelsetotalktobuteachother.IhadherimagineaskingherAlterEgohowhermindworkedbeforeacompetition.Whatdotheythinkofcompetitors,or is the Alter Ego so confident that they don’t even care or think about thecompetitors?DidtheAlterEgoworryaboutanything?Whatweretheystrivingfor? She observed the Alter Ego; what did she look like? How did she holdherself?Howdidshemove?Whatexpressionsdidshehave?ThenIaskedherhow shewoulddescribe theAlterEgo to a friend after they escaped from theelevator?

Inaspeechgivento theStanfordGraduateSchoolofBusiness in2014,OprahWinfreywasinspiringgraduatestofindpurposeandmeaningintheirwork.Sheencouraged them to find allies to help them in hard times as her best friend,GayleKing;StedmanGraham;andothershavedoneforher.Butshealsosaidsomethingquiteprofoundwhendiscussingthesourceofherpower:“Icomeasone,Istandastenthousand.WhenIwalkintoaroom...Iwillliterallysitandcallonthat tenthousand.”Shewasparaphrasing“OurGrandmothers,”apoemfromMayaAngelou.And the sourceof that power shewas explaining, you’llfindinthenextchapter.

Chapter13

TheHeroicOriginStory

Imagine you are sitting at an outside cafe sipping on a cappuccino, tea, orwhateveryour tastebudswerecraving, andyouseea franticoldman runningdownthestreetchasingapurpleballoon.Whatwouldyoubethinking?

Lookatthatcrazyoldman.Nowimaginethis...Yousitdownwithyourdrinkofchoiceatthesamecafe,andanelderlyman

sits at the table next to you. He has a purple balloon. You strike up aconversationwithhimandaskabouttheballoonhehastiedtohiswrist,andhebeginstotellyouthestoryofhislife.Hestartsbytellingyouaboutthisspiritedand adventurous girl he met while he was a young boy. They immediatelybondedovertheirlivelyimaginations.Thegirlhadthisabandonedhouseshe’dturned into her playhouse,where they spent hours and days hatching schemesandplayingmake-believe.

Theygrewup,theymarried,andtheyfixeduptheoldabandonedhouseandturneditintotheirhome.Theyneverhadchildren,andtheyneversavedenoughtotraveltheworldliketheythought.Throughitall,theystilldreamedofvisitingthismagicalplacesomeday.Eachweekthey’dsaveeverypennytheyhadforthetrip,butsomething—lifeanditsresponsibilitiesanditsbillsandneeds—alwaysgotintheirway.Witheachcircumstance,they’dbreakopentheir“travelsavingsjar,”emptyit,andstartagain.Yearspassedby,andhetalkedabouthowthetwogrewoldtogetherasbestfriends.Hecontinuestotellyouhowhefinallyplannedtheirmagicaltriptosurpriseher,sotheycouldtaketheir“greatadventure.”

By this timeyou’re leaning in, engaged in thisman’s story, andyou can’twaitforhiswifetowalkoutwithhertea,soyoucanmeether.

Excepthetellsyouhiswifepassedaway,leavingtheoldmanaloneintheirbigoldhouse.(Cuethetear-jerkingandlumpinyourthroat.)

He’snowdecidedtoattachasmanyballoonsaspossibletohishome,toliftitoffthegroundandfloatitallthewaydowntotheirmagicalplace.Therehe’llbeabletofulfill their lifetimedreamandshowherhefinallymadeit.Andthepurpleballoonhe’sholdingisthefinalballoontoachievehisdreamandsetsail

onhisadventure.Now,ifthatpurpleballoonbecameuntetheredfromhiswristandhegotup

tochaseafterit,whatwouldbeyourreaction?Wouldn’tyouthink:There’snotachanceinhellI’mgoingtoletthatballoongetawayfromhim.Why?Because theman and the balloon have emotional context. There’s a story

attachedtothem.Andnowit’sattachedtoyou,too.Ifyouhaven’talreadyfigureditout,thisistheopeningscenetothemovie

Up,byPixarEntertainment.AndthetwolovebirdswereCarlandElliehopingtoget to their dream destination, Paradise Falls. It’s one ofmy all-time favoritemovies.

EveryherohasanOriginStory.It’sthestoryofhowtheybecamewhotheyare today, how their Superpowerswere bestowed upon them, andwhat drivestheminternallytodefeattheirEnemies—theonesintheexternalworldandtheones inside them. And the mission they’re on to realize their ExtraordinaryWorld.

As heart-wrenching as the opening of the movie Up is, learning Carl’sbackstoryalsosetsthestagefortherestofthemovie.Nowweknowwhyherigsup his house with thousands of helium balloons to sail away in search ofParadise Falls, finishing the adventure he promised his wife they’d go ontogether. Learning Carl’s story, we now understand what’s motivating ourcurmudgeonlyhero,anditdrawsusinemotionallytohisstory.

We’re hooked. We feel for Carl. Why? Because on some level, we seeourselvesinhim.Weknowwhatitfeelsliketohavetheresponsibilitiesoflifesuckusfurtherawayfromourdreams.Weknowwhatit’sliketoplanandsavefor tomorrow, only to find that the tomorrowwedreamedof has disappeared.Weknowwhat it’s like tohavedreamsdashed likeCarl andEllie,whoneverhadchildrenandwhonever tookthat trip.Weknowwhat it’s like tohaveourheartsbroken.Weknowwhatit’sliketofeelthetragicstingofdespair,onlytoseeatinytwinkleoflightsparkathoughtthatmaybewecanturnthingsaround.Wecheer forCarlashemustershiscourageandgathershisstrengthand testshisresolvetomovethehomehebuiltwithEllietoParadiseFalls.

Wecheerforourherobecausehisstorystrikesachordinus.Let’sbefrank.Inourdailylivesthere’sjustcrapwehavetodealwith.There

arefrustrations,annoyances,andunforeseencircumstanceswegethitwith.TheEnemy feeds off this because it’s a perfect opportunity to pull you into theOrdinaryWorld,distractyou,ormakeyoudoubtyourselforhidefromyourrealdesires.YourEnemypushesandpullsandwilltrytostealawaythegloryfoundonyourFieldofPlay.

However, your Alter Ego can be there to pull you back and lay down apotentdefense to theEnemy.AndyourAlterEgo’sOriginStory isoneof thetoolsweuse.

So,my question for you is,what is the driving force for yourAlter Ego?WhatpropelsyourAlterEgotostanduptotheEnemyandtodefeatitateveryturn?

ThedrivingforceyouseekisusuallyfoundinyourAlterEgo’sOriginStory.Justasyou’vebeenlivingoutastory,we’regoingtoconnectwithanew,moredominantstorythatyourAlterEgowillliveout.

FINDYOURALTEREGOTHROUGHSTORY

Iwasn’tinthetaxiformorethanthirtysecondsbeforeIreceivedatextmessage:“Hey,Todd.It’sMitch.Greattoconnecttonight.I’dlovetomeetwithyou

toseeifyoucouldhelpmemakethistransitionasuccess.”“Ofcourse.CanyoudolunchonWednesday?”“Perfect.Let’smeetatmyoffice,andwe’llordersomethingin.”“Soundsgood.”Mitch and I met in 2011, at a small dinner in NewYork with four other

people.AfriendandItaketurnshostingsmallgatheringsofinterestingpeople.Weinvitepeoplefromfinance,tech,arts,entertainment,charity,business,and,of course, sports, to connect people and have great conversation. This dinnerhappened to bemy friend JaysonGaignard’s turn to curate the guests.He’s amasteratitandevenwroteanamazingbookontheprocess.

Atthedinner,IsatnexttoMitch,amanwhohadbuiltasuccessfulcareeronWallStreet.Weconnectedover our loveof sports, andhegrilledmeonhighperformance and themental game. I could tell his questionswere to helphimsort out some of the uncertainty and volatility of his new situation. He hadrecentlytransitionedoutofarolehe’dbeeninforyearsandwasrecruitedbyalarge financial company to lead a new business unit. It was demanding acompletelynewskillsetandleadershipability.

We ended up exchanging cards and promised to connect again soon. Thedinner ended late into the night,we said our good-byes to new friends, and Iwalked to the street corner to hail a taxi. That’s when the text exchangehappened.

Atourlunch,IwalkedhimthroughanassessmentIdowithallnewclients,and it was clear that an Alter Ego might be the tool I’d use to help him. Iexplainedtheconcepttohim,thenIaskedhim,“Isthereanyonethatyoutruly

admireandrespectfortheleadershipabilities?”“That’seasy.Mybubbe.”Ihadn’theardthetermbefore,soIsaid,“Bubbe?”“It’s the Jewish term for grandma. My grandmother was incredible. And

she’sthemostinspiringpersoninmylife.”MitchwentontotellmehowshegrewupinPoland,whereshegotmarried

andhadfourchildren.WhenWorldWarIIbrokeout,herfamilywastornapart,herhusbandandtwoolderboys takenaway.Herhusbandhadn’tsurvived,butbysomemiracle,afterthewarended,shewasabletofindthetwoboyswhohadbeenseparatedfromher.SheendedupbringingthemtoCanada,theneventuallyNew York City to meet up with other relatives who had immigrated to theUnitedStates.Becauseofthewar,shehadvirtuallynothingexcepteighty-fourdollars“andanironrodforaspine.”

She raisedher family ina tiny studioapartment in theLowerEastSideofManhattan,“workedherassoff,andshoweredherkidswithlovebutinaverystricthome.

“My dad would tell me stories of the ‘old country ladle,’ one of the fewthingsthatmadethetripoverfromEurope.Andhowshehadithangingbetweentwotinywindowsintheirapartmentandwouldthreatenthemwithitiftheyevergotoutofline.‘Nobodywantedthatthingtogetpulledoffthewall,’he’dsay.”

Hecontinued:“Grandmaraisedfourincrediblysuccessfulchildren.Twoaredoctors, one is a real estate developer, and my dad became a universityprofessor.”

Themorehe talkedabouther, themorehisentirephysiologychanged.Hebeamed,andyoucouldtellhewasextremelyproudtocomefromthathistory.Ilookedathimandsaid,“Mitch,we’vegotyourAlterEgo.”

Iwalkedhimthroughtheentireprocesswe’vealreadybeengoingthrough,todevelophisAlterEgoand then finallychoosean“Artifact” to representhisAlterEgo.(I’llexplainthisinthechapteronTotemsandArtifacts.)

When it came to thename for hisAlterEgo, henever shared it.Heknewexactly what it would be, and he wanted to keep it private. But its coreSuperpowers were strength, courage, and conviction. And he used her OriginStoryandhischallengestocreateamotivationtodrivehimforwardinhisnewcareer.

Throughout any one of the last few chapters, you may have alreadydiscovered and connected with your Alter Ego’s motivation. Having a storydeeplyrootedinyourmindforwhyyouchoseorwhomorwhatyouchosehelpsyouActivatethisHeroicSelf.Somepeoplewhothoughtthey’dfoundtheirAlterEgo changed it once they found a differentAlterEgo in amore resonant and

meaningful story. Again, there’s no right or wrong here, just what’s right foryou.

Ifyou’renotsureabouttheidentityofyourAlterEgo,thenthinkaboutthestories of real-life people or fictional characters from television or movies orbooksorcomics.Isthereastoryyou’redrawnto?Why?Whataboutthatstoryhasgrabbedyoubytheheartstringsorcaptivatedyou?

If no story comes to mind, try reading about successful people in yourchosen space. Biographies and autobiographies are great sources to findsomeone’sstory,whichmayaligncloselywithyours,andboom!There’syourAlterEgo.

Most of the time, it’s the simplest Origin Stories that become the mostpowerful.

TheOriginStoryfillsintheblanksandexplainswhereyourAlterEgocamefrom.ThestoryexplainshowitdevelopeditsSuperpowers,whyitneedsthoseSuperpowers,andwhattheyfightagainst.

Without a story, you risk missing the emotional connection to your AlterEgo.BuildingandusinganAlterEgoismorethananintellectualexercise—itisabout transforming how you perform and show up during your Moment ofImpact.That’stheonlywayyoucanenteryourExtraordinaryWorld.TheOriginStoryhelpsyou to latchon to theAlterEgo’s identity, immerseyourself in it,andactthroughit.

Remember, this isn’t about “pretending.” That’s why the “fake it till youmakeit”philosophyhasfallenflatformost.Thisisaboutembodyingit,justasthe study of the young children that used Batman or Dora the Explorer hadgreater results when they truly became them when faced with hard puzzlescomparedtothechildrenwhojustpretended.1

COREDRIVERS

IntheFieldofPlayModel,there’sacollectionofCoreDriversthat,whenyouidentifyyourselfwiththem,aredeeplymotivatingand“driveyou”tothink,feel,andactincertainways.Theyalsocomelayeredwithastorybecausetheyhavenarrativesattachedtothemanddefinitionsofwhatitmeanstobeapartofthem.

In chapter 3 I outlined theCoreDrivers in the first layer that impact yourworld.Themostcommon:

FamilyCommunity

NationReligionRaceGenderIdentifiableGroup(policeofficers,soldiers,farmers,tribe)IdeaCause

It’sanythingyouconnecttothatissomehowbiggerthanyou.Some specific Origin Stories tend to havemore emotional resonance than

othersforareason.There’sadrivingforcebehindthesestories,verysimilartoyourmission for creating anAlter Ego. For instance,when I’mworkingwithOlympicathletes,manyOriginStoriesconnecttotheirculturesornationalities.Someathletestransformtheirperformancesknowingthey’reoneofthechosen,selectedtorepresenttheircountry.They’redriventomaketheircountryproud.Competing in the Olympics changes the story in some athletes’ minds andhearts.

When I’mworking with Olympic athletes, I’m always looking to see if Ineed to dial up, or sometimes dial down, the nationalistic pride. For somepeople, the story about representing their country causes them to collapseinward. The pressure becomes too great. Sometimes athletes have no care orattachment to their country. Sometimes it’s that they want to make theirhometownproud,ortheywanttomaketheirfamiliesproud.

IworkedwithabiathletefromaNordiccountryafewyearsback,andittooka fewmisfires beforewe found a driving force he connected to. If you’re notfamiliarwiththisgruelingsport,biathletesstraponapairofskisnowiderthen7centimeters or 2.8 inches and race around flat, uphill, and downhill terraincarryinga rifleon theirback.Then they race intoa shootingarea, and,withinseconds,grabtheirrifleandfireatatargetnobiggerthan4.6–11.4centimetersor1.8–4.5inchesdiameterfromadistanceoffiftymeters!Youwantsomethinghard,tryit.Theseathletesareimpressive!

Backtoourbiathlete.Ithoughtwe’dgethimintohisflowstatebyusinghiscountryasdrivingforce.Iwaswrong.Themorewetalkedabouthiscountryandexperimentedwithitasasourceofmotivation,theflatteritfell.Itdidn’t“revhisengine.”We had to course correct, which we did—thankfully—by stumblingontohisfamily’sstory.Hecamefromalonglineofbiathletes,andduringWorldWar II, many of his family members were used as scouts and spies whiletraversing the toughNordic terrain. Some of them died in combat and otherswereawardedmedalsfortheirbravery.HefoundhisAlterEgo’sdrivingforcein

theOriginStoryofhisfamilylegacy.Itgavemyclientatremendoussourceofprideandmeaningtorepresenthisfamily.AndthosefamilymembersbecameatribeofwarriorsheusedashisAlterEgotodigdeepwhentheracesgothard.

ThatwastheheartofhisAlterEgo’sOriginStory.

HOWTOCREATEYOURALTEREGO’SORIGINSTORY

AligningwithanexistingstoryisoneoftheeasiestpathsandtheoneIusuallyrecommendclientsstartwith.TakeyourAlterEgoandfindtheirOriginStory.

I’msureIdon’thavetosaythis,butI’llplaycaptainobvious,sotherearenomisunderstandings:makesurewhateverOriginStoryyouchooseisonethatyouconnectto.IfBatmanisyourAlterEgo,andyou’reusinghisOriginStory,thenyou’d better be sure you emotionally connectwith his backstory.Maybe, justlike Batman, you had something traumatizing happen to you when you wereyounger and so you resonated with his deep sense of “making it right.” Ormaybeyouconnectwithhissenseofhonorandtheanonymityofgooddeeds.Orthefacthewearsasuitthatrepresentstheexactthinghefearedthemost.

IhadaclientoncewhousedBatmantohelphertransitionfromamarketingcareerintoacareerintheater.Shehadavoidedthethingshemostwantedtodoherentirelifeandwouldneverallowherselftopursue,forfearoffailing.SojustlikeBatman,shefacedthefearandalignedherselfwithhisstorytostepintoanExtraordinaryWorld.

“Itwastoughatfirst.Walkingawayfromfourteenyearsofhardworkandasuccessfulcareerfeltcrazy.Butitwascraziernevertoanswerthatquestionof‘whatif?’Iwentfromexpensivedinnersanddrinkswithfriendstostayinghomeand eating noodle soup.But I thought, I’m just going through the preparationstage like Christian Bale’s character in Batman Begins. And honestly, I wasnever happier.But I couldn’t havemade it happenwithoutmySecret IdentityandshowingupatauditionswiththeconfidenceofBruceandBatman.”

HOWASINGLEMOMFOUNDHERFIRE

Maggieisanentrepreneurandasinglemomworkinghardtoraisehertwokidsin London. She found herAlter Ego through theOrigin Story of an inspiringauthor/celebritythatmirroredherownstruggles.

Whenwestartedworkingtogether,shewasterrifiedofsharingherstuffwiththe world. She was doing okay, but she wasn’t achieving the big bumps in

businessormaking the impact thatshewanted.Shewas takingaction,butshewasplayingitsmall.Playingsmallisn’tabadthingifthat’syourgoalandit’senoughforyou,butitwasn’tenoughforMaggie.Shehadabigdreamandabigdesire to grow her business. She had big ideas for growing her impact andinfluence, but she wasn’t executing or following through on the projects shestarted.

As shewas tellingmeaboutherpersonal story, all I could thinkwas,HerstorysoundssosimilartoJ.K.Rowling’s—asinglemomwhocouldbarelyrubtwopennies together.Shewroteher firstHarryPotterbook incafeswhile sheandherdaughterlivedonpublicassistance.2Didshesellhermanuscriptonitsfirstsubmission?Noway.Sheheard“no”twelvetimesbeforeapublishertookashot on her.3And after all her successwithHarryPotter,when shewrote thenextseriesunderapenname,itwasrejected.4

“There’snoreasonyoucan’tbethenextJ.K.Rowling,”ItoldMaggie.“Shefacedrejectionbeforebecomingoneofthemostreveredauthors.Youcancreateandshipyourcontent,too.Whocareshowmanytimesitgetsrejectedbecause,in the end, you’llwin, you’ll persevere, because that’swhoyou are.You’re afighter. You never give up. You’re fighting to make a better life for yourchildren,andyouhavesomethingspecialtosharewiththeworld.”

Mywordsweremetwithquietsniffles.IknewIhadpluckedanemotionalchord.JustlikeinthemovieUp,whenwefeelaresonantemotioninourhearts,weknowit.Maggiefeltthelightoftruth,andshesawherselfandherownstoryinRowling’s.

MaggiechoseJ.K.RowlingasherAlterEgoandmergedherOriginStorywith thefamousauthor’s,creatingaprofoundlymotivatingforce to launchherontoherFieldofPlay, entrepreneurship.HerAlterEgowould say, “Imaygothroughalotofrejectionbecausethat’sjustwhatwealldo.ButIkeepgoing.Iwon’tquitbecause Ihave this thing insideofme that’saching togetout, andI’mgoingtolistentoit.”

J.K.Rowling’sstoryresonatedwithMaggie,soRowlingwasaneasychoicefor her Alter Ego. Did she have to choose Rowling? Nope. She could havechosenadifferentone,sayhergrandmother,andthenattachedRowling’sstorytoittocreatetheemotionaloomphsheneededfortheOriginStory.

If you’re leveraging the Origin Story of anyone or anything, be sure youhave theemotionalconnection to it.Televisionandmoviesorbookscanofferyourich,deep,andmeaningfulOriginStories.Allyouneedtodoisfindtheoneyouconnecttoandthatresonateswithyouatyourcore.

CreatingakillerOriginStoryforyourAlterEgoisaboutknowingwhatwill

fuel itsascent.MaryAnn,whoco-owns theautorepairshopwithherhusband,foundthatherAlterEgo’sstoryislargelydrivenbyherdesiretoshowwomenthattheycansucceedinmale-dominatedenvironmentsandindustries.Herstorybeganwhensheandherhusbandstartedtojoinbusinessandtradeassociationsandbeganattendingevents.“Iwouldgototheseevents,andIwas,maybe,oneof three,often twowomen in the roomoutof twohundredand fiftypeople. Irememberthinkingatfirst,Wow,thiscouldfeelintimidating.”

Nevercontenttoremainawallflower,observingtheFieldofPlayfromafar,MaryAnngatheredher courage and started introducingherself to themen andstrikingupconversationswiththem.“IhadtospeakupbecausethementhoughtIwasjusttherehelpingandsupportingmyhusbandinhisbusiness.Theydidn’trealizewewereequalpartners.”

Recently, MaryAnn pivoted from just the auto repair shop to open aconsultingpractice tohelpsmallbusinessshopsgrowtheirbusinessandbetterservecustomers.

“Iwantedtobeanexampletootherwomen,”MaryAnntoldme,“becauseIknew that there were women in the industry who needed support and to bevalidated.Iwantedotherwomentoseemeupthereandouttheresotheycouldthenseethemselvesoutthereandupthere,too,andtheywouldrealizetheyhadsomethingvaluabletooffertheirindustriesandcommunities.”

EveryAlterEgohasadrivingforce.Lookdeepwithintofindyours.Whatbigmission do you feel yourAlter Ego is called to undertake? Itmay not beservingalargecommunity;itmaybesmaller,likeyourfamily.

Itmayalsobepersonal.Joanneusesamixofstoriesfromherlifeandfromthe people in her life, like her father and her grandfather, to create somethinguniquely hers. Joanne came from a very working-class background inManchester,England.Her fathercamefromamoneyedfamily,hermomfromworking-class roots.Whenher fathermarriedhermother,his familydisownedhim.Thrustoutofhisowntribe,hewasforcedtomakehiswayintheworld—attimes,thismeantJoanneandhertwobrothersgrewupquitepoor.

“I’mnevergoingtobepoor,”Joannesays.The“I’mnevergoingtobepoor”is thedriving force inherAlterEgo’sOriginStory,orat least that’swhat shethoughtuntilwediscusseditfurther.ShecreditsherAlterEgowithhelpingtopullheroutofhertribeandgivinghertheconfidenceandcouragetogocreateanewone.“I’mtheonlygirloutofallmymalecousins.Iwastheonlyonewhodidn’tgotoagoodschool.Itwasdeemedthatasagirl,youpurelyweretheretocleanthehouse,cook,pourtea...youdidn’tgetagoodeducation.So,Iwentoutandgotmyowneducation.”

Whenyoulookat thatstory,doyouthinkitwasreallyabout“neverbeing

poor”?Ididn’t.SoIchallengedheronit.Isaid,“Joanne,everythingaboutwhatyoujusttoldmesoundedlikeitwas

moreaboutshowingthefamilythatabandonedyourfamilythatyoucouldmakeit. Yeah, you didn’t want to be poor. But I feel like it was a lot more abouthonor, honoring yourmom and dad and showing the other side of the familytheycan’tputtheirbootonyourdreams.”

Through a few tears and a lump in her throat, she shot back, “You’regoddamnrightitwas.”

That’sthekindofemotionIwantyoutohave.YourAlterEgocanbe“ForSomething”or“AgainstSomething”or“Both.”

Joanne was for her family and against the treatment her father and motherreceived. And it’s hard to argue with Joanne’s success. She’s a tremendousfighter.

AREYOUINSPIREDBYANANIMAL?

Like Julia, you may have chosen an animal as your Alter Ego and may bewonderinghowyoucanbuildoutitsOriginStory.Focusonthetraitstheanimalrepresentsthatpulledyouin.Whatdoesaturtlerepresenttoyou?Whatdoesaneagle,apanther,orapythonmeantoyou?

You can look to stories from indigenous peoples, in which animals andnatureweresymbolic,sotheremaybeculturalstoriesaboutananimal.IworkwithaclientfromtheCaymanIslands,andhisAlterEgoistheseaturtle.It’snotvicious,butitgoesoffonadventuresintothedepthsofthesea,anditsurvives—foralongtime.Someseaturtlespecieslive150yearsormore.Tomyclient,theseaturtleiswise,fearless,andrespected.Inthisinstance,theOriginStorywasrootedinbothwherehewasfromandananimalthatpersonifiedthequalitieshewantedonhisFieldofPlay,corporatesales.

HenamedhisAlterEgoTortuga.Inthebeginning,hesimplytappedintothetraitsheadmired,butovertimehecreatedanOriginStoryforTortuga.“Itwasmywayofconnectingtothiswise,calm,andfearlessselfandhonoritwhenIwasoutdoingmything.”

Ifyou’vechosenananimalasyourAlterEgo,trysearchingforstoriesandwatchdocumentariesontheanimal.Themoreyouknow,themoreyoucantapinto its supernatural abilities. Research what experts have written; watch anyinterviews they’ve given or speeches they’ve delivered.Often their passion isinfectious. If you’ve never seen the Irwin family from Australia talk aboutanimals, you’re missing out. They can convince you that anything is “truly

amazing.”Heck,evenchildren’sbookscanbeagreatsourceofcharactersoranimals

withempowering,inspiring,andmeaningfulOriginStories.YourAlterEgo’sOriginStorydoesn’thave tobeanovelorepicpoem.A

fewshortsentenceswilldo,orifwordsareclumsyforyou,that’sokay.Aslongas you can tap into the emotional pull for your Alter Ego, that’s all we careabout.It’sthesameideawediscussedearlier;therearemanywaystoapplytheAlterEgoEffect.So,whetheryoubuildtheAlterEgotoplaywithanewidea,youbuildittotapintoanewcreativeself,oryoubuildittohelpgetoutofyourownwayandconquertheHiddenForcesthathavestoppedyouinthepast,theOriginStoryisjustanotherwaywehelpyourAlterEgocometolife.

Nowthatyou’vebuiltanAlterEgo,namedit,andconnectedto itwith themissionandOriginStory,it’stimetoActivateit.

Chapter14

ActivatingYourAlterEgowithaTotemorArtifact

In 1940, while the world was being pulled into the second great war in ageneration,theBritishbulldogWinstonChurchillwasabouttobenamedprimeministerofGreatBritain.Ever since Iwasayoungkidonour family farm inCanada, Iwasfascinatedwithhim.Therewas this incrediblemythologyabouthimandalegendthat’slivedonfordecadesbecauseofhowheledtheBritishpeopleandEuropethroughaperiloustime.

I remember reading in a biography how hewould use his hats to evoke adifferentpersonality.Whenhereceived the telegramthathewouldbe thenewprimeminister,hewasfilledwithagraveconcernhecouldn’tleadthecountryduringsuchadifficulttime.ButashewasgettingreadytotraveltoLondontosee the king and accept the role, he stood in front of his wall of hats andproclaimed,“WhichSelfshouldIbetoday?”1

In the2017movieDarkestHour, theyactually show themomenthegrabshistophat,uttersthephrase,andwalksoutthedoor.

Churchillisn’ttheonlyonetousewhatIcallaTotemtobemoreintentionalabouthisperformance.

MartinLutherKing had perfect vision, but he stillwore glasses. If you’refamiliarwith thisgreat leaderof thecivil rightsmovement,youmightbeabitsurprised.InsomeofKing’smostfamousphotographs,youcanseehimwearingeyeglasses,excepthewasn’twearingthemtoseebetter.Hewaswearingthembecause,inhiswords,“Ifelttheymademelookmoredistinguished.”Youcanactually find Martin Luther King’s glasses on display at Atlanta HartsfieldAirport.

Hereyouhavetwolargefiguresfromhistory,WinstonChurchillandMartinLutherKing, and they both overcame the challenges they faced by leveragingelements of the Alter Ego Effect. They used the power of the humanimagination,andbothusedthepowerofaTotemtohelpActivateit,somethingyou’lldointhisfinalstageofmakingthetransformationcomplete.

THEPOWEROFSYMBOLICMEANING

THEPOWEROFSYMBOLICMEANING

Imagine you’re a doctor with the traditional white coat on and you slide astethoscope around your neck. What traits do you associate with a doctor?Poise?Respect?Care?Compassion?Intelligence?Dedication?

Nowimagineyouwalkintoanauditoriumfilledwithstudentstakingexams.Andyoufindyourdesktositdownandtakeyourtest.Howwouldyoufeelasthedoctorsittingdowntotaketheexam?Whatwouldyousaytoyourself?Whattypeofemotionwouldberunningthroughyourbody?Whatdoyounoticeaboutotherpeopleastheylookatyouinyourwhitelabcoatreadytotaketheexam?Whatstoryaretheytellingthemselvesabouthowyou’regoingtodoonthetest?

Well,itturnsout,you’dmostlikelydoalotbetteronthetest.InastudybytheKelloggSchoolofManagement,2researchersfoundthatit’s

not just about what you wear, but also whether you understand what its“symbolic meaning” is. The study looked at the effects of a white coat onstudents’attentionandaccuracy.Theresearchersfoundthat:

Attentiondidnot increasewhenthecoatwasnotwornorwasassociatedwithapainter.Attentiononlyincreasedwhenthecoatwasa)wornandb)associatedwithadoctor.The influence of clothes depends on wearing them and their symbolicmeaning.

Sobasically, ifyouthoughtthecoatwasapainter’scoat,nothingchanged.Themomentyouputonadoctor’scoat,yourattentionandaccuracyimproved.

Thisphenomenoniscalled“enclothedcognition.”Enclothedcognitiononlyhappens when you understand the “symbolic meaning” of the item and the“psychologicalexperienceofwearingtheitemwhichconstantlyremindsyouofwhat the item represents.”3 So in the experiment, the symbolic power of thewhitecoatchangeddependingonwhatyouweretolditrepresents.Thepainteror artist’s smockmakes youmore artistic. The doctor’s coatmakes youmoreattentive. And the lab coat makes you more careful. (We wouldn’t want youblowingupthelab,now,wouldwe?!)

Somewhere, tucked within yourself, you have a story about what doctorsrepresent,howtheyact,whattheythink,andhowtheyfeel.IfItoldyoujusttotakethetraitsyouidentified—poise,compassion,intelligence—andtrytobringthemtolife,it’sgoingtoseemmoredifficult.You’dhavetothinkaboutitfirst.Now, the moment I hand you a “symbol” that represents a doctor, like a

stethoscope or a lab coat, you start to “enclothe” yourself in the traits you’veassociatedwiththem.NowwhenItellyoutoactlikeadoctor,it’smucheasierto embody their traits and get similar results to whatever you associate withthem.

Ihopeyou see the ramificationsof this, and the funyou’re about tohave.While you’ve just done a lot of hardwork identifying, building, and creatingyour Alter Ego, now you’re going to find a Totem that acts as a symbol toActivateyourAlterEgo.JustlikeWinstonChurchill,BoJackson,DavidBowie,MartinLutherKing,myself,andthousandsofothers.

THEPOWEROFSYMBOLS,OBJECTS,ANDENVIRONMENTS

Welive inaworld filledwithsymbols,and thehumanmindhas this fantasticcapacity to create a senseofmeaning fromvirtually anything.Anyobject canhold some meaning, whether it’s cultural or intensely personal. Yourimagination can createvivid stories around seemingly random items.Andyoucan associate emotions, ideas, stories, and the actions of what that itemrepresents.

BecauseyouandIcomefromdifferentbackgrounds,eachoftheseitemswillmeansomethingdifferent tobothofus:Atractor.Abaseball.Abaldeagle.Apoliceofficer’sbadge.Anapron.Yourcountry’sflag.Abook.Apairofglasses.Acape.

I could go on. Just take something simple like the pair of glasses. MLKattributed being more distinguished to them. I used glasses to be more“confident, articulate, and decisive.”A famousNBA client uses glasses to bemore“mild-mannered likeClarkKentoff thecourt”andasa“shield from thepublic to protect his personal life.” One object, many meanings, for manypurposes.

Have you ever been around someone when they lost something, and theyfreakedout?Toyouitseemedlikenothing,but tothemitmeantsomething.It“symbolized” something.Heck, if you take the averageperson todayand theylose their smartphone, it’s like they’ve been amputated from the rest of theworld.We’veallseenpeoplebecomefranticoveralostphone,right?

Well,it’sbecauseitrepresentsourrelationships,ourcontacts,ourwork,andourmemorieswithphotos and stored conversations. It represents our security,becausewhatifsomeonefindsitandhackstheirwayin?Itseemsthereareveryfewitemsthatcarrymoremeaningthanasmartphonetoday.

WhenIgivespeecheson the topicsof“PeakPerformance”or the“MentalGameofWinning,”Italkaboutthepowerofsymbols.Oneofmymostpopulartalks featured fourmannequinswithblanketsdrapedover them.Onebyone, Iwould reveal each mannequin to the audience. The first would be wearing apoliceofficer’suniform.I’dturntotheaudienceandask,“Whatdoesseeingapoliceofficer’suniformmeantoyou?”

Then,onebyone, I revealedeachmannequin.Onewouldbedressed inanarmyuniform,oneasadoctor,andthelastoneasSupermanorWonderWoman.

Aftereachreveal,I’dturntotheaudienceandaskthemwhateachuniformmeant. “Shoutout your answers inoneor twowords,” I’d instruct. Iwasmetwithahodgepodgeofresponses.Theuniformssymbolizedsomethingdifferenttoeveryone,butoftentimes therewouldbeaconsistent theme.AsIexplained,therewerenorightorwronganswers.Theonlyrightanswerwastheoneeachaudiencemembergave.

I would then bring someone onstage and ask them to put on one of theuniformsandembodytheidentityofwhattheuniformrepresented.ThenI’daskthemhowtheyfelt,andhowtheymightapproachsomeofthechallengesthey’recurrently dealingwith. People always respondedwith something positive, andtheyfelttheycoulddealwiththeirsalescalls,negotiations,husbands,children,orwhateverelsewasgoingonintheirworldswithmoreconfidence.

Asafunexercise,I’dgetthemtoshowmehowtheywouldwalk,howtheywouldholdtheirhead,howthey’dstand,thelooksontheirfaces.Basically,howwouldtheybehave?Theaudiencegotalaughoutofit,butthepointwastoshowpeople how quickly wemorph from role to role in our lives. Some powerfulshiftswouldhappenonstage.Inoneinstance,ayounggirlwhohadbeenbulliedforyearswalkeduptoagroupofgirlssheimaginedontherightsideofthestagewhilewearingtheWonderWomanoutfitandcalledthemout.

Sheevensaidafterward,“IfIwentanddidthatatschool,they’dprobablyhitme.ButIwouldn’tcare,becauseWonderWomancouldhandleit.”

On another occasion,while talking to a group of sales professionals for alargeinsurancecompany,amanpickedupanimaginaryphoneandranthroughhisanentire“call script”perfectlywhilewearing thearmyuniform.Whenweunpacked the experience, he said, “Itwas like I could suspend allmyworriesabout rejection, because there’s no damnway aNavy SEAL is going to careaboutit.”Hewentontotellus,“Ihaven’tbeenabletogetthroughthatscript,ever.IforgetpartsofitbecauseI’msoemotional.NowIknowwhatI’mcapableof.”

It’s incrediblehowquicklywecanchangeourconceptsofwhat’spossiblewhen we adopt a new identity, just as you’ve already read with previous

research, examples, and studies I’ve outlined throughout the book. And now,witha“symbol”likeaTotem,it’llbemucheasiertoslipintoyourAlterEgo.

THEFORMULAFORAPOWERFULTOTEM

The Totem embodies yourAlter Ego’s Superpowers, its Origin Story, and itsmission.WhenthatTotemisactivated,itcallsforthyourAlterEgo.Justlikethewhitecoatchangedthestudents.

Schoolwasalwaysachallengeformegrowingup.NotbecauseIdidn’tlikeit,butbecausereadingdidn’tmakesense.Ididn’tknowwhy,andIsureasheckdidn’twant to let anyoneknow Iwas “too stupid” to read. It forcedme tobecreativewhenteachershandedoutreadingassignmentsduringclass.I’ddomybesttomakemywaythroughthereadingassignment,andbeforethetimewasup,I’dstartaskingsomeofmyfriendsaroundmewhattheythoughtaboutthepassage.Itgotmelabeleda“classclown,”“disturber,”or“talker,”butitwasmywayofpreparingmyselfjustincaseIwasaskedquestionsbytheteacher.

BackthenwhenIlookedaroundtheclassroomatmypeers,thesmartestkidsinmygradeworeglasses.Plus,themostintelligentkidsinmyyoungersister’sclassalsoworeglasses.Me?Ihadperfectvision.

So, Ideveloped thisviewof theworld, that smartpeoplehadglasses. Is itabsolutely true?Ofcoursenot.But thatwasmyexperienceand themeaning Iattachedtoit.Iwonderwhatviewsoftheworldyoudevelopedatayoungagethathavepossiblyshapedyourworld.

Theequationinmyheadwassimple:Glasses+People=Smart.Iultimatelyfoundoutinmytwentiesafteracaraccident,whenIwentinfor

psychological testing, that I was dyslexic. But the belief about smart peoplewearingeyeglasseshadbecomeingrainedinme.

WhenIwastryingtolaunchmyfirstbusiness,Ijustcouldn’tclosethedeals.I knew I had something important to offer people. But I had this massiveinsecurityaboutlookinglikeIwastwelveyearsoldwithmybabyfaceandthatpeoplewouldn’trespectorlistentome.

Finally,a thoughtpoppedintomyheadfrommyschooldays:“Thepeoplethatgetrespectedarethepeopleothersseeassmart.AndthesmartestpeopleIknowhaveglasses.”ItwasatthatmomentIfoundmyTotem.IfIworeglasses,wentmythinking,thenpeoplewouldseemeassmart,andthey’drespectme.IalsowasahugeSupermanfan,andSupermanworeglassesasClarkKent,sotome,thismadeglassesevenmorepowerful.

AssoonasIfeltthewingtipsofmyglassesbrushagainstmytemples,Idid

my“ReverseSuperman.”Supermantookoffhisglassestobecome“normal”;Iput onmyglasses to getmy “Superpowers.” Justwearing that pair of glassescaused me to morph into the most confident, strong, intelligent version ofmyself,aversionthatIknewwasrespected.

Now,didmypotentialclientsactuallybelieveIwassmart?Didtheyactuallyrespect me more than they had before? I don’t know. I don’t care. It didn’tmatter. Whether anyone associated intelligence and respect with a pair ofeyeglasseswasn’tthepoint.Iwastheonecreatingandlivinginmyworld,andifI feltmore intelligent,more respectable, andmore decisive, thatwas the onlythingthatmattered.Becauseemotiondrivesperformance.Anditworked.

WHYYOUNEEDATOTEM

MostpeopleshowupontheirFieldofPlaywithoutmuchthoughtorawarenessabout who needs to be there to produce an outstanding result. I’ve said thisbefore,butwe’realwaysmovingfromoneFieldofPlaytoanotherandfromoneroletoanother.Eachrolerequiresdifferenttraitstoperformatourhighestlevel.Sincewe’reunawarewe’reshiftingintoandoutofroles,weendupbringingthesamecharacteristicstoeachfield.

SelectingandactivatingtheTotemsetstheintentionofthespecifictraitsyouwant tocallupon inaparticularMomentof Impact. It’s likeyou’resettinganinternal compass so that you align your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors.You’rebeingveryintentionalintappingintotheHeroicSelfyouneedwhenyouneedit.

RememberthecolonelImetatFortBraggwhenIwastheregivingaspeech?Hewasstrugglingwithbeing thekindof fatherhewanted tobewithhiskidsafter coming home in his army uniform (remember the power of “enclothedcognition”). His personality didn’t change, even after changing into a pair ofjeansandagolfshirt.Tofinishthestory,Italkedtohimmoreaboutwhomherespected as a parent, the qualities and traits he really wanted. And what hethoughtwouldmakethat“FieldofPlay”extraordinary.HementionedhowmuchhelovedtheactorandtelevisionhostMikeRowe,amanknownforbeingself-deprecating, approachable, funny, and into doing prettymuch anything. Afterall,hehostsashowcalledDirtyJobs,whichtakeshimintotheworldsofpeopledoingsomeofthesmelliest,hardest,andfilthiestjobsontheplanet.

Iagreed.IloveMikeRowe’spersonality,too.There’ssomethingelseMike isknownfor:wearingabaseballcap.After I

explainedtothecolonelthepowerofsymbols,enclothedcognition,andusinga

Totem toActivatehisAlterEgo,his eyes lit up. “My ‘DadSelf’ iswearingacap.”

THEPOWEROFAPILL

When I initially beganworkingwith clients and helping them create anAlterEgo,IwouldbringaboxofTicTacs.I’dhavethelabelalreadytornoff,handthemthecontainer,andsay,“Beforeyougoonthefield,takeoneoftheselittlepills and imagine it contains the Superpower characteristics you want toActivate.Butdon’tjustpopitinyourmouth.Iwantyoutopauseforamomentandreallybedeliberateaboutwhoisgoingtoshowuponthefield.”

Fast-forward to over fifteen years later and I’ve given out over thirtythousand “Alter Ego X Pills” to help clients Activate their Heroic Self. Theplaceboeffectoftakingapill,withnopharmaceuticalqualities,hasbeenoneofthe most effective Totems I’ve seen clients use. The most common responsefrompeople,andonesomeonerecentlyshared,was“Ifeellikeitworksfromtheinsideout.Almostlikeittriggersahiddenpower.”

Even though youmay use something as simple as a piece of candy, don’toverlookthepowerofusing thisActivator to triggeryourAlterEgo.(Ifyou’dliketolearnmoreaboutthisplaceboeffectandtheAlterEgoXPillusedbythecommunity,gotoAlterEgoXPill.com.)

SHIFTTOYOURPHYSICALWORLD

The Alter Ego is designed to transform your performance. That includeseverything from how you physically act and behave to your thoughts to youremotions, your beliefs to your values, your posture to the tone of your voice.Andallthewaythroughthe“layers”oftheAlterEgoEffectModel.

Rightnow,theAlterEgothatwillbringforthalltheseSuperpowersandtapinto yourHeroic Self is lying dormant and ready to beActivated—it’s in therealmofyourimaginationonthementalandemotionalplanes.

Youneed something thatwill call it forth into thephysicalworld and intophysicalform.

That’swhattheTotemdoes.ItgivesyourAlterEgoaformandashape.It’snotjustanideafloatinginyourheadoranemotionyoufeel.It’snotjustsomevividdaydreamthatyoudistractyourselfwithinameeting.YourAlterEgoisreal,anditneedstobegroundedinaphysicalpresence.

ATotemengagesmoreofyoursenses.Youcanfeel,smell,taste,touch,andseetheobject,whichsparksavisceralfeeling.

Trythis:Imaginewalkingtothefridge.Openthedoor,pulloutalemon,andplaceitonacuttingboard.Nowpulloutaknifeandcutawedgeorslice.Bringthe lemon slice to your nose. Take a big whiff; what does it smell like? Cutanother slice from the lemon. How does the juice feel on your fingers? Nowbring a slice to yourmouth and take a big bite of it.Did yourmouthwater alittle?Didyoupuckeryourlips?

Nowtrythis.Ifyouhavealemoninthefridge,goandactuallygrabit,anddoeverythingIjusthadyouimagine.See,feel,taste,andsmellit.

Doyou see thedifference?Your imagination isundoubtedlypowerful,butnothingcomparestobeingabletoexperienceitinthephysicalworld.YourAlterEgo’s Totem or Artifact is the bridge from your imagination to the physicalworld.It’stheanchor.

Having this Totem to anchor your Alter Ego, too, not only enables thetransformation, but it also helps leverage one of the core foundations of habitchange. Cary Grant, the famed actor, who was born Archie Leach, said, “IpretendedtobesomebodyIwantedtobe,andIfinallybecamethatperson.Orhebecameme.Orwemetatsomepoint.”ThisiswhattheAlterEgoisdesignedto help you reach, this place where your Heroic Self naturally comes forthwithouthavingtothinkaboutitwhenyouneedit.

Eventually that happened to me. At first I’d put the glasses on and callmyselfRichard,untilatsomepointIdidn’tneedthenameortheglassestofeelsmartorrespectedorconfident.Ijustwas.Ijuststartedshowingupthatwayinallmypotentialclientmeetings.Itbecameahabit.Ididn’tneedtointentionallycall forthmybest traits, becausemybest attributeshadbecome ingrained. I’dcreatedmynewidentityontheFieldofPlayofbusiness.(Bynomeansdidthismakemeperfect!Therewasandstillisworktobedone,butitgotmepasttheinitialresistanceIwasstrugglingwith.)

Mygoalasaperformancecoachistohelppeoplegettotheplacewheretheyconsistentlyperformat theirhighest level,wherever thatmaybe for someone.Todothat,performancehastobecomeahabit.Ithastohappenjustasnaturallyasyoubreathe.

Inthe1970s,NoelBurchcreatedwhatremainsasimplifiedmodeltoexplainthe four stagesof learninganewskill. It’s called theFourStagesofLearningCompetency,and it startswith someonebeing“unconsciouslyunskilled”; thenyoumove to “consciouslyunskilled”;next, youbecome“consciously skilled”;and,finally,youare“unconsciouslyskilled.”

I like toexplain it ina slightlydifferentway that shows the four stagesof

changeweallgothrough.

Stage1:Ignorance:You“don’tknowwhatyoudon’tknow.”Thisiswhatisreferred to as “unconscious incompetence.”This is the classic stage oflackofawareness.

Stage2:Awareness:Youbegintorealizethatyou“knowyoudon’tknow”certain things. This is what’s known as “conscious incompetence.”You’reawareyoudon’tknowhowtodosomething.

Stage 3: Change: This iswhen “you know that you don’t know” and youmake the conscious decision to change. This is what’s referred to as“consciouscompetence.”Thisisthehardeststagebecauseit’swhenthehardworkhappens,whenyoustart changinghabits, attitudes shift, andwhenyoustart tocreatenewthoughtpatterns insideyourmind.This iswhere you know what to do, and you’re doing it, but it’s an effortbecauseit’snotingrainedyet.

Stage 4:Mastery: This iswhen the transformation is complete. It’swherethings become automatic for you. There isn’t as much consciousattention. It’s what’s known as “unconscious competence.” You knowhowtodoit,andyoudon’tneedtothinkaboutit.It’soneandthesame,andevery timeyoustepontoyourFieldofPlay,every timeyoufaceaMomentofImpact,yourHeroicSelfcomesforthwithoutthought.

UsingyourTotemhelpstotrainyoutocallforththatHeroicSelf.Overtime,youmaynotevenneedyourTotem;thechoiceisyours.Istillliketowearmyglasses,becauseIenjoywearingthembutalsoasaremindertoyouandothersthatthisisanaturalpartoflifeandbeinghuman.

We all have triggers. When I hear the song “Born to Run” by BruceSpringsteen, I’m transported back to drivingon theTrans-CanadaHighway inMedicine Hat, Alberta, with my buddy Bill, going to a weekend softballtournament. It’s as clichéd as you can possibly get, but I hear that tune and Iimmediatelygettransportedtosummerin“theHat”withmybestfriend.

It’s thesameideawhenyouputonaring,wipeyourfacewitha towel,orputonauniform.Every timeyouengagewithyourTotemorArtifact, you’repsychologically calling forth everything your Alter Ego embodies, from thetraitsyou’veselectedtothebackstoryyou’vecreatedtothemissionyou’reon.

THETHREETYPESOFTOTEMSORARTIFACTS

ATotemismerelythethingyou’reusingtorepresentorconnecttoyourAlterEgoorFieldofPlay.Awhite labcoat, auniform,ahat, apairofglasses, thestageorfielditself.Itcouldliterallybeanything.

An Artifact is the same thing, except it has some sort of historicalsignificance. Ifyou’reusingapieceof jewelry thathasbeenhandeddownforgenerations, that’s anArtifact. It has extra juice in it because of the historicalconnection to your ancestors or your tribe, or your family adds an additionallevelofsignificancetoyou.

Thisisn’tsomethingtogetcaughtupinlikeaspiderweb;youdon’tneedtosit therewondering ifyou shouldget anArtifactor aTotem.Theirpurpose isstillthesame,toactivateyourAlterEgoandcarrythemeaningofwhatyou’redoing. (For more inspiration, examples, and ready-made totems, go toAlterEgoEffect.com/totem.)

A Totem or Artifact is something you strongly associate with your AlterEgo,likeastethoscopeandadoctor,Thorandhishammer,WonderWomanandher golden lasso. The Totem or Artifact you select will be the physicalembodimentofallthedominanttraitsyouchoseearlierinthebook.

TherearethreetypesofTotemorArtifacts.

1. SomethingyouwearThisisthemostpotentTotemyoucouldchoose.Youcanslipitonor

off,which,asyou’lllearnlater,iscrucialifyoustarttoslideoutofactinglike your Alter Ego. This category includes just about everything andanythingyoucanthinkof.HerearejustafewideasforwhereyoucandrawinspirationforyourAlterEgo’sTotemorArtifact.

UniformCostumeHelmetHat(anytype)EyeglassesJewelry(e.g.,aring,necklace,bracelet)WristbandorsweatbandSuitJacketSocksT-shirtBandanaWatch

SweatshirtPantsShoes(e.g.,sneakers,heels,slippers,sandals)

2. SomethingyoucarrywithyouTony, a baseball player, grew up on a farm in Iowa. His family is

significanttohim.HisAlterEgoismotivatedtomakehisfamilyproudandto bring honor to his family’s name. He carries a small pebble from hisfarminhispocket,andeverytimeheneedsjustabitmorejuicefromhisAlterEgo,heslipshishandintohispocketandrollsthepebblearoundhisfingertips.

Johnisanotherexample.Hehasasouped-upArtifact.HisAlterEgoishis grandfather, and theArtifact is his grandfather’s pocketwatch. Somepeoplewillholdorcarryaspecific item,likeapen,whenthey’remakingsalescallsorinanimportantmeeting.

Hereareotherideasforinspiration:

Cup(e.g.,acoffee,tea,ortravelmug)NotebookBaseballRockorpebbleFeatherPicture (e.g., of yourAlter Ego or something that represents the traits ofyourAlterEgo)

Tradingcards(liketheonesIstuffedintomyfootballuniform)SpecialcoinPenTowel

WhenIwasa teenager, Iwasanationally rankedbadmintonplayer. Ihadthisroutinebeforeeverymatchoftakingawhitetowelintothechangeroomandplacingitunderthewaterfaucettomakeitwet.I’dwringitoutso itwasn’t dripping, fold it into a square about two feet each side, thenplaceitonthesideofthecourt.

Thepurposetoeveryoneelsewastogooverandplacemycourtshoeson it, toget themwetandmake themmoresticky.But forme itwasmy“chargingstation.”It’swhereIcould“powerup”myAlterEgoandreturntothecourtwithmoreenergy.

As I’ve said, there are no rules to this. You can always add more

dimensionstoyourAlterEgo’sworld,andusinganadditionalTotemgavemyAlterEgomorepower.

Manyclientshavetakenthisexactmethodandusedit,aswell.RememberMitch?Thefinanceguytakingonanewrole?HisAlterEgo

washisinspirationalgrandmotherthatsurvivedtheHolocaust,immigratedtoAmerica,and raised foursuccessfulchildren.TheArtifactheusedwasanoldphotoofhisgrandmother“fromthehomeland.”Hehasitsittingonhis desk, and whenever he feels like he’s lacking confidence or ischallengedbyasituation,heturnstheframejustslightlymoretowardhimto“switchon”hisgrandmother’sstrength.

3. SomethingconnectedtotheFieldofPlayAssoonasBoJacksonsteppedonto thefootball field,he transformed

intoJason.ThefieldwashisTotem.ForsomeofmyBroadwayclients,it’sthestage.Foroneofmywritingclients,it’severytimehesitsdowninhiswritingchair.Foralotofmybusinessclients,it’sassoonastheystepintotheboardroom.

YourTotemdoesn’thavetobesomethingthat’sonyou,butitcouldbeontheFieldofPlayortheFieldofPlayitself.

HOWTOCHOOSEYOURTOTEMORARTIFACT

Above all, don’tmake this into aHalloweencostume.Don’t pick eight thingsandcallthemallyourTotems.Pickone.Beselective.ThereareafewprinciplesI’dgosofarastosayaremandatory.

1. Itmustsymbolizesomethingtoyou.WhateveryouchoosewillbeusedtocallforthyourAlterEgoandall

theSuperpowersandOriginStoryyou’vecreated. It’severything. It’s thesymbolofyourAlterEgo,somakesurethetwoconnect.

WhatyouselectmayhaveanindirectconnectiontoyourAlterEgo,likemy client who works onWall Street whose Alter Ego is Batman. Now,there’snowayhecanshowupdressedinaBatmansuitandstillkeephisjob.Buthecangetcreative.Batmandressesinblack,somyclientchoseablack tie or a black suit as his Totem.He’dwear the tie or suit on dayswhen he had to take an importantmeeting and knew he would need hisAlterEgo.

YourTotemorArtifactmayhaveadirectconnectiontoyourAlterEgo.

I know one person who uses a pair of Superman cuff links. There’s acollegiategolferwhoseAlterEgoisTigerWoods.Hehasgolf-headcoversstripedlikeatiger,andhewearsapairofsockswithatigercreststitchedontothem.Oneofmyequestrianclientswearsacustom-madebracelet,justliketheoneWonderWomanwears.

Clientsthatchooseanimalsorinanimateobjectswilloftenselectaring,pendant,earrings,orprettymuchanythingtoinvoketheir“spiritanimal.”Aclient who plays professional soccer has an Alter Ego, “the StealthBomber.”Why?Because“I’mhard tofind, I’mfast,andby the timeyouknowI’mthereI’veblastedaballintothebackofthenet.”Hehasspecialinsolesinhisshoeswithastickerofarealstealthbomber.

YourTotemmayhavenoconnectiontoyourAlterEgoeither.Itcouldbe a universal symbol, or it could hold meaning just for you. A pair ofglasses was my Totem, but not everyone would associate respect andintelligencewithapairofframeslikeme.

Whateveryouchoose,beitdirectlyconnectedtoyourAlterEgoornot,justmakesuretheemotionalresonanceandmeaningarethereforyou.

2. WhateveryouchoosemustbesomethingyoucanalwaysuseonyourFieldofPlay.Nosometimesthings!

One ofmy clients chose his physical environment for his Totem.Hewasahockeyplayer, andaswe steppedon the icehe imaginedhisAlterEgolivinginsideaspecificboardonhishometownrink.Coolidea,exceptthat it only worked during home games. If you’re going to choosesomething, especially if it’s on the Field of Play like walking into theboardroom,makesureit’ssomethingyoucanalwaysuse.

Wemerelyadjustedmyclient’sAlterEgotobelivingontheice, likeBoJackson’slivedonthefield.Insteadofpickingaspecificboardroom,itcouldbe thesimpleactofwalking through theentrywayofaboardroom.SotheentrywaybecomestheTotem.

3. Itshouldbesomethingyoucanquicklytakeoffandputon,orputintoyourpocketortakeout,orstepontooroffof.

I’mgivingyouaspoilerhere,buttherewillbetimeswhenyouslipoutofyourAlterEgo,especiallywhenyoufirststartusingit.You’llslidebackinto the old traits and Trapped Self that used to show up. When thishappens,youneedareset.WhenIworemyglasses,ifIstartedtogetpulledinto the Ordinary World by any of the forces the Enemy uses, likeinsecurity,fear,orworryingwhatothersthoughtofme(thoseweremybigthree), Iwould take theglassesoff.Richardneverhad those thoughts, sothe glasses needed to come off. Just that simple actwould remindme of

whatIwastheretodo,whatwasessential,andthatRichardwascapableofslayingthosedragonsandgettingbackontheField.ThenI’dputthembackon.

Afterawhile,simplyfeelingtheframesglideacrossmytempleswouldinfusemewithconfidenceandtriggermyAlterEgotoreturnagain.

That’sthereset.

IfyourTotemisafieldoraboardroom,it’shardtosteponandoffatanymoment.Iwon’tgosofarastosaydon’tchoosetheFieldofPlay,butjustbemindful. IfyouselectsomethingonyourFieldofPlayasyourTotem, thenbecreativewithhowyou’llresetandcallforththeAlterEgowhenyoustarttoslip.

YoucanevenborrowtheideaIsharedearlieraboutmyfoldedtowelontheside of the court. There could be a specific action or place you go to in thatenvironmentto“reset”or“powerup.”

Oneclient takestheirweddingringandtapstheboardroomtabletoinvoketheirAlterEgotoreturnandsendtheinsecurethoughtsbackintotheether.

DANGER!AVOIDTHESEMISTAKES

TheAlterEgoissimple.It’shardtobuildthisincorrectly,butyoucangetturnedaroundatthisstage.Here’swhatnottodo.

1. Don’twear,carry,orusetheTotemorArtifactallthetime.YourAlterEgois built for a specific Field of Play, or you use it for those challengingMomentsofImpact.Youwanttobeintentional,andifyou’realwaysusingthe sameAlterEgo across all the Fields ofLife, then you’remissing thepoint.Youplaydifferentrolesindifferentareasofyourlife,andeachonehascertainqualitiesthatwillhelpyoumorethanothers.

2. Don’t give your Totem orArtifact away. This is for you and yourAlterEgo.Don’t lend it tosomeone,andI’dsuggestnot tellingothersabout it.SarahandBrandonwhoaresittingnexttoyouinameetingdon’tneedtohear the real story about your Superman cuff links. Keep the power andknowledgesecret.I’monlyopenlytalkingabouttheAlterEgosI’veusedinthepastsoIcanillustratecertainpoints.WhetheryoukeepyourAlterEgoprivatefromthepeoplearoundyouisuptoyou.However,inthebeginningIrecommendyoudothat.Whenyouknowsomethingothersdon’t,itgivesyouconfidence.

Also, if you’re in competitive environments like sports or sales, your

competitors may end up trying to use it against you and trash-talk you.Now,thatmaybeeitherbadorgood,dependingonyourworld.Ijustliketorecommendkeepingittuckedawayinitially.Yourlittlesecret.

3. Choosesomethingyou’llenjoywearingorcarryingorusing. It shouldbesomething you have a positive associationwith. If you don’t, then you’llstripitofanypower.

ALWAYSHONORTHYALTEREGO

WhenIwasinhighschool,IwouldbringalltheinfluencesofmyAlterEgointoalockerroomIconstructedinmymind.WalterPayton,RonnieLott,andNativeAmerican leaders. I would imagine having a conversationwith them.One byone, each of themwould handme something. If you recall, I used to put thetradingcardsofWalterandRonnie intomyuniform.I imaginedthemhandingmetheircards,andWaltersayingtome,“Todd,hereismycard.Here’sabitofme that you get to put into your helmet, but don’t you dare go out there anddishonormebynotgivingityourabsolutebest.Attackeverysingleplayer,nomattertheirsize,andjustknowI’llbetherewithyoutorunrightoverthem.Andifyou’renotwillingtodothat,takethatcardouttathereandgiveitback.Don’tdishonoranyofusbynothonoringhowweplayedandwhoweare.”

Now,forsomethatmaysoundtough,butIwasalsocreatinganintenselevelofconvictionanda spaceofhonor. Iwasconnectingdeeply tomyAlterEgo.That little conversation infusedmyAlterEgowithmeaning. If Iwasgoing toembodythesegreatfootballplayersandNativeAmericans,I’dbetterpaythemtherespecttheydeserve.I’dbetterhonortheirmeaning.

GiveyourAlterEgothehonorandintegrityitdeserves.IfyourAlterEgoisyour grandfather, a superhero, someone you admire, or an animal that yourevere,areyoureallygoingtodishonoritsname,itsstory,itslegacy?Icertainlyhopenot.Thathonor,thatlegacy,thatrespectandmeaningareembodiedintheTotemorArtifact.

ZivaDavidisafictionalcharacterfromtheCBSshowNCIS.She’salethalMossadagent,aformerIsraelimilitaryoperative,andshecarriesherselfwithatonofconfidenceandalwaysfeelslikeshe’sonequalfootingwithmen.Well,itturnsoutafewofmyclientsreallyresonatewithherandhaveusedherastheirAlterEgos.

One froma top financial firmexplained tome, “Therewasn’t a chance inhellIwasn’tgoingtoshowupandbepushedaroundbyanymen.ZivawouldkickmyassifIdid.”

Bottomline:commit.

THEACTIVATIONEVENT

This finalpartof theprocess iswhenyouunite theAlterEgo, theTotem,andyourFieldofPlayorMomentofImpact.Supermanstepsintothephoneboothortears open his shirt.WonderWoman spins to transform intoWonderWoman.Spider-Man pulls on hismask. There’s amoment when you deliberately stepintothisotherform,yourAlterEgo.TheActivationEventiswhenyouusetheTotemorArtifactasaswitch,signalingtoyourmindit’stimeforyourAlterEgototakeover.

TheeasiestwaytomakethishappenistobelieveyourAlterEgolivesinsidethe Totem or Artifact. The moment you swallow the Alter Ego X Pill, it’sActivated. Themoment you slip on the ring, it’sActivated. Themoment youslidethepebbleorpocketwatchinyourpocket,it’sActivated.Themomentthearmsof theglassesslippastyour temples, it’s like they’reflickingaswitchastheygobytoActivateyourSecretIdentity.

In chapter 1 I introduced you toAnthony, the young athletewho took anearly train to NewYork City and trackedme down for help. Anthonywas arising star inMarylandhigh schoolbasketball.Hewas alwaysoneof thebestplayersonthecourt,untilanotherplayertransferredtohisschoolforsenioryear.Thenewguywasanall-star,and itdidn’t take longbeforeAnthonystarted tosecond-guesshimselfandoverthinkhismovesonthecourt.Hebegantoworrythateveryonein thestandswascomparinghimto thenewkidandthinkinghewas justaveragenow.Justas theyoungbaseballplayer losthisability toplaythe game,Anthony lost his edge and began tomakemistakes.He desperatelywantedtogethisgameback.

In the end, he chose a panther as hisAlter Ego for its power, agility, andstamina.HisTotemwas a towel, and heActivated the panther just before thegamestarted.Rightafterwarm-upswereover,hewenttothesidelines,reachedin his bag, grabbed the towel, and deliberately wiped his face, as if he werepullingonapanthermasklikeSpider-Man.Heimaginedthemaskactinglikeanexoskeleton. He didn’t feel he was on display. He didn’t worry about whatpeoplewerethinkingorsaying.Hewashidden.(Toseeanexampleofhowtodothis,gotoAlterEgoEffect.com/toweltowatchmedemonstrateit.)

After he wiped his face, he would spring from the chair like a panthermakingamoveonitsprey.

ItwastimeforhisAlterEgo.

WipinghisfaceandspringingfromthechairwasthetriggerthatActivatedhisAlterEgoandallhisSuperpowers.

When I put my glasses on, the moment I felt the wings slip across mytemples and behindmy earswas themoment I knew itwas time to bringmyAlterEgoout.ForAlicia,awriter,shewouldsitonherwritingchairandpullonheroldcollegehoodie.ForLisa, theequestrianrider,shepullsonhercustom-madeWonderWomanbracelet before climbing into the stirrups and swingingherlegoverthesaddle.ForTony,thebaseballplayerfromIowa,hewouldreachintohispocketandpinchthepebblefromhisfamily’sfarmwithhisthumbandmiddlefinger.

Formygolfplayer,hepulledonhissockshalfwayuphiscalf,finishedtyinghis golf shoes, then grabbed his socks and yanked them up to full length to“ActivateTiger.”For another business client, hisTotem andActivationEventhappenwhenheputsonhisBrunoMaglishoes.Hestartswithhisrightfootandtiesthelaces.Thenheslideshisleftfootintohisshoe,butbeforeheplantstheheelontotheinsole,hepauses.HeactivateshisAlterEgowithaslightstomp.Ifheever feels likehe’s slippingback intooldhabitsor losing thepowerofhisSecretIdentity,hetapshisheelstogether“towakeupthebeastinside.”

Bytheway,thereasonheuseshisleftfoottoactivateisthatheusedtobeagreatsoccerplayer,andhewas“deadlywiththeleftfoot.”

Now, all of this could sound like children’s games to some. “Stomping afoot,”“yankingupsocks,”“playingwithapebble”—“Thatstuff’sforkids,andI’magrownadult!”Andyou’reright.Ifthat’syourattitude,thengowithit.It’sjust that you’re denying science, you are denying theway yourmind alreadyworks,andyou’redenyingthewayelitepeopleliveandperform.Ifyou’dliketofindabookonwhataveragepeopledo,therearehundredsofthosealreadyonthebookshelf.

Ididn’tinventthehumanimaginationandthenaturalwaywe’vemagnifiedcertainpartsofourpersonalitiesinthepastorplayedwithcharactersinthepast.Aloveofmythsandarchetypesisbakedintous.

YOURTURN

Remember,ourAlterEgoisn’ton24/7duty.TheActivationEventcouldbetheentiretimeyou’reonyourFieldofPlay,orpossiblyjustinspecificMomentsofImpact,whereyoustumbleanddon’tshowupasyouwant.

Ifyou’reasalespro,maybeyouwanttouseyourAlterEgothroughoutyourentireday.Orperhapsyoujustwanttouseitwhenyouneedto“closethesale.”

Ifyou’reanathleteitcouldbethewholetimeyou’recompetingonthefield,ormaybe in the finalmoments of a game or against a specific opponent or in aparticular situation. If you’re a business owner and marketing is your bigchallenge right now, maybe you only leverage the power of your Alter Egoduring networking events, interacting on social media, or writing marketingmaterials.

Inanyofthosecases,grabyourTotem,knowyourAlterEgoiswaitingforyou, andActivate it.Whatyou’re looking for is anatural triggeryoucanpairwith your Totem or Artifact. Every time I come home from my office, andbeforeIstepintoourhome,Ipause,grababraceletmydaughtermadeforme,and slide it on. Now it’s time for the fun dad to show up, not the coach,businessman,orinvestor.

Keeptheeventsimpleandeasytoperformandremember:justmakesurethetriggeryouselectissomethingyoucanalwaysdo.

If yourTotem is aball cap, theActivationEventwouldhappenwhenyouslideitonyourhead.Itcouldbeslippingonthepieceofjewelryyouchose,likearingoranecklace.Itcouldbetheactofputtingonaspecificshirtortiebeforeameeting. It couldbepickingup a special pen and clutching it in your hand.Another client wears a locket with a picture of her mother, and before anetworking event, she’ll open the locket, close it, and walk in. (For videoexamples,gotoAlterEgoEffect.com/totem.)

YourActivationEvent can be anything that feels natural and comfortable,butithastobeaphysicalaction.

I’ve taught this process thousands of times to individuals and groups, andhere’swhat Iknow.Afterseeing thewholepictureandseeinghoweverythingfitstogetherinthisfinalphase,thingsclick.Ifthat’syou,thenreturningtosomeoftheearlierchaptersmighthelpyoudeepenyourconnectiontoyourAlterEgoand its purpose. Like I said before, each one of these components is like adoorwayleadingintotheincredibleworldofusingAlterEgostoachievebigorsmallgoals, tohavemore fun,and to takemoreof the internalstruggleoutoflife.SoifseeinghowaTotemorArtifactactivatesyourAlterEgomadethingsclick,workbackwardthroughthebookordiveintootherchapterstoleverageitsfullpower.

I’vehadclientssaytome,“Thisisgreat,butwhathappenswhenI’mreallydoubting myself?” Or, “What do I do when I really start feeling the fear ofmoving forward?”Or, “I’m superintimidated by someone, and I can’t getmyAlterEgotowork,andIfeelmyselfretreatingbackintotheTrappedWorldyoutalkabout.”

JustliketheHulk,WonderWoman,orThor,youneedaGroundPunch.

Solet’sgetone...

Chapter15

Tests,Trials,andDeliveringtheGroundPunch

Therearemomentsineverysuperheromoviewhenthemomentumswings,theEnemy iswinning the day, and theHero is close to defeat. However, from aplace deep inside, the hero gathers their strength, harnesses another energysource,orfindsawaytoovercometheonslaughtwithasteely-eyedglareanda“Thisendsnow!”rallyingcry.

The crowd jumps to their feet, fists in the air and roaringwith jubilation.Like inRocky III,whenRocky is fighting the vicious James “Clubber”Lang,playedbyMr.T.Rockyistakingabeatingfromthebiggerfighter.It’slookinglike there’s no way Rocky could win, when he suddenly roars back, nailingClubber with a series of shots until finally finishing him with a stunningknockoutblow.Iwassixyearsoldsittinginthebackrowofthetheaterwithmybrothers Ross and Ryan, and I leaped out of my chair screaming when it allhappened.

It’scliché.Butclichésareclichésforareason.They’retrue.Everybodyneedstoknowhowtopulloutofaspiralandcomebacktowin.You know how the Incredible Hulk smashes his fists into the ground,

creating a seismic shock wave that knocks out the Enemy? And you askyourself:Why did hewait so long to do it? That’swhat you need: aGroundPunch.

In the 2017 Wonder Woman movie, the final fight scene involves thevillainousgodAres,revealinghisplanstodestroyhumanityandurgingWonderWoman to join him. During the battle, her friend and ally, Steve, sacrificeshimselftosaveeveryonefromalethalbomb.ThemightyArestriestoconvinceheragainthathumanityneedstobedestroyed.However,Dianaseesherfriend’ssacrificeasanexampleofthebestthathumankindpossesses.SherefusestojoinAresandfindsthestrengthinsideherselftoredirectAres’slethallightningboltattackbackathim,destroyinghimonceandforall.

You can find thesemoments in almost everymovie, and I’ll bet there aremoments in your own life when you “dug deep,” “found another gear,” or“refusedtogiveup.”

Solet’smakesureyoucanalwaysfindthatextragearwhenyouneedto.

ATENNISPLAYER’SBATTLE

Weekends are hectic when you’re working with athletes. On this particularSaturday,itwasnodifferent.IrolledoverandpickedupmyphoneoffmysidetabletoseeifanythinghadcomethroughfromsomeclientsIhadcompetingontheothersideoftheglobe.IsawthreenotificationsfromRachel.

Rachelwasoneof the tennisplayers Imentioned earlier in thebook,whostruggledwithsabotagingherdominanceonthecourt.Fairnesswasoneofhercorevalues, buton the court itwould causeher to feelbad foropponents shewasbeatingbadly.Thatmeantshe’d“letup”andallowthemtogetbackintothegame—notthebeststrategyinsports.

Rachelwasover inAsiaplaying ina tennis tournament, so Iunlockedmyphone to seewhatwas going on. Judging by hermessages, it looked like herAlterEgowasfailingher.

Isnuckoutofbed,tryingtoleavethepileoflittlekidsthathadmadetheirwayintoourroominthemiddleofthenightundisturbed,andcreptoutintothelivingroom.Itappedhernameonmyphoneandgaveheracall.

“Hello.”“Hey,Rachel,what’sup?”Iasked.“Well, like I said in my messages, I was in the middle of my match

yesterday,playinggreat.Totallycommitted to theprocessandcompetinghardoneveryshot.WhenIfelt likeIwasstartingtolosemyedge,I triedtopowerthroughitwithmyAlterEgo,butitjustwasn’tworking.”

“Whathappenedwiththematch?”Iasked.“Iwasaheadbyalot,soIpulleditoutintheend,butittookfortyminutes

longerthanitshouldhave.Plus,shewasn’tverygood.”“Okay,thisissomethingwecanfix.Sodon’tgetstressedoutoverit.”Iwentontoaskherifshewasgettingtrappedintheoldhabitsofgettingon

the “merry-go-round” of negative self-talk. Rachel thought about it for amoment,thensaid,“No,IthinkIjustgotcaughtupintheoldpattern.”

“Great,”Isaid.“LetmeshowyouhowtouseaGroundPunch,toknockanydoubt,negativity,fear,orworryflatonitsass.”

“AGroundPunch?”sheasked.I sharedwithRachel how to use aGround Punch to keep her confidently

movingforwardwithadeepconvictiontoachievinghermission.Iwanttoshowyou twodifferentmethodsyoucankeep tucked intoyourAlterEgo’sarmory,

readytousewhentheEnemyapproachesandtriestopullyouoffcourse.IhadyoumakeanoteofhowyourAlterEgomoves,howitspeaks,howit

feels,howitthinks,anditsmannerisms.YoucreateditsOriginStoryandchoseaTotemorArtifact.Thiswasn’t justamentaloremotionalexercise.Youalsothoughtabout thebehavioralchangesandphysicalactionsyourAlterEgowilladopt.

OncetheActivationEventhappens,thenyourAlterEgoiscalledforth,andthe physical,mental, and emotional transformation should be complete, right?Yes.Butthatdoesn’tmeanit’sallsunshineandrainbows.

Let’sgobacktoRachel.Weworkedthroughthisentireprocesstogethertofind,develop,andactivateherAlterEgo.Shebeganusingit,havingfunwithit,and getting results. But just like anyHero, things don’t always go yourway;unexpectedsituationsarise,or thatdreadedEnemyshowsup topullyouawayfromyourmission.

WonderWomancanhave all the speed, skill, andpower in theworld, butevenshegetschallengedbyoutsideforcesandinternalforces.Enemiesshowuptostopher, thegameshethoughtshewasplayingchangessuddenlybecauseavillainthrowsawrinkleintoherplans,oroldthoughtsfromherpastcreepintocastdoubtonwhatshecouldorshouldachieve.

Whatdoesshedo?ShedeliversadevastatingGroundPunch!It’sthat“Nothere,notnow!”moment.Orthesteelyglarethatwardsoffan

enemy’sadvance.It’syourdeepinnercommitmenttobeingtheHeroicSelf.

PUTTINGTHEENEMYINITSPLACE

We’re continually having conversations in our heads. The conversation canswitchtobecomingunsupportiveandunhelpfulwhenyou’retryingtoundertakeachallenge.Rightnow,maybethereareelementsofyouridentitythataren’tsetuptohelpyouwinontheFieldofPlay.There’sapartofyourworldthatwe’venamedyourEnemy,anditshowsupandcausesyoutostumble.Itcausesyoutohesitate,overthink,ordoubtyourself.

CreatingtheAlterEgoinitiatesahealthyconversationinyourhead.BeforecreatingtheAlterEgo,maybetheonlyvoiceyouheardonthisparticularFieldof Playwas critical, judgmental, and aimed at convincing you to play it safe.Because you’ve gone through the process of giving the Enemy a name, likeValeriadidwhenshenamedtheEnemyIgor,andyou’vecreatedthisAlterEgoandgivenitaname,you’vecreatedaclearduality.You’renolongerlivingina

worldwheretheconversationinyourheadiswith“yourself”andgettingcaughtina“merry-go-round”conversationthatdoesn’tleadanywhere.

TheAlterEgoandtheFieldofPlayit’soperatingoncreateadividinglinewiththeEnemy.AndnowyoucantalktotheEnemywhenitshowsuptopullyouintothesidelinesoflife,whereyoubecomeaspectator.Makenomistake,the Enemy is a part of us, and it’s never going to vanish from existence.However,nowyouhavethispotentforcetocombatit,theAlterEgo.

Sohowdoyoudeliveryour“GroundPunch”?HowdoyouputtheEnemyinits place? You use one of these two methods proven to be effective over anextendedperiod.

GROUNDPUNCH1:THECURBKICKTheCurbKickistheequivalentofkickingtheEnemytothecurborsidelines.It’spreciselywhatIusedwithRachel,thetennisplayer.HerEnemy’snamewasSuzie.Thatwasthenameofacharacterfromabookshereadonceandwhomshedisliked.

DuringourcallItoldherthateverytimeshecaughtherselfslippingintooldbehaviorsandfeelinglikeshewasabouttoletanopponentcomefrombehind,herAlterEgowouldhaveaquickconversationwithSuzie,saying:

“Hey, Suzie, this ismy fucking court.Get the hell to the sidelines.That’swhereyoulive.Thisrighthere?Thiscourt.Thisismyhome.Ifuckinglivehere.Nowgetouttahere!”

Yes,it’sintense.Butitwasincrediblyuseful,notonlyforRachelbutforthehundredsofotherpeoplewhohaveusedit.OnecommentfromafriendofmineIsharedthiswith:“IfinallyfeellikeIownthespacebetweenmyears.”Rachelsentastrongmessageaboutwhowassupposedtobeshowingupatthatmomentandwhatshe’stheretodo.

Anotherclientofminehadadifferentapproach;heimaginedhisEnemyasbeingahyperpuppyalwayswantingtodistracthimandprocrastinatebydoingfun things and avoiding doing the hard stuff. He named his Enemy Beagle.Anytimehehadthispulltoavoidtheworkhefeltcalledtodo,hewouldsay:

“Beagle,Iseewhatyou’redoing.Thisisn’tplaytime.Findsomeoneelsetobother. I’mdoingvitalwork rightnow,which isbuildinga future I’mexcitedabout.Beatit.”

Whenweputnamesorattachpersonastotheconversationswe’rehavinginourheads,wecreateconstructiveconversations,likewhatRachelwasdoing.Itpreventsourmindsfromgettingentangledinourthoughtsandinsteadgivesusperspectiveandapathforward.

It’salmostlikeabrightEXITsignappearsinourminds,givingusthechance

togetbacktowhatwewant.

GROUNDPUNCH2:YOURRESPONSEPROCLAMATIONOvertheyearsthatI’vebeenteachingtheAlterEgoEffect,I’veneverhadoneeliteathleteorleaderobjecttotheidea.I’veneverhadanyonetellmetheyfeellike they’re being fake or even childish.Most of them felt it to be one of themost natural things they could do or had already been doing. Now, they canbattlewiththoughtsthatdon’tservethem,justlikeyou.NohumanisimmunetotheEnemy.

Ifyouhearalittlevoicetellingyou,“You’rebeingfake,”or“Thisissilly,”or“There’snouse,youcan’tchange,”or“Whodoyouthinkyouare?Youdon’thaveanytalentorskill,andyou’renotgoingtomakeit,”understandthis:that’stheEnemytryingtopullyoubackintotheshadowswheremediocritylives.

Itdoesn’tmatterhowmanywinsyou tuckunderyourbelt;yourEnemy isalwaysgoingtotrytostopyourHeroicSelffromcomingforward.WhetherI’mtalking on the phone to an alpine skierwhile they’re lying in their tiny dormroom in theOlympic village the night before their event, or speakingwith anMLBbaseballpitcher twenty-nineminutesbeforeheheadsonto themound infront of forty-eight thousand fans for a key playoff game, high-performing,successful, talented people still get tripped up by their Enemy asking them,“Whodoyouthinkyouare?”

Therewillstillbetimeswhileyou’reonyourFieldofPlaythattheEnemywillget theupperhand.This iswhenwe laydownanearth-shatteringGroundPunchtotheinternalquestion,“Whodoyouthinkyouare?”

Icallita“ResponseProclamation.”Andit’sourwayoffindingthatsecondgear, by having awell-prepared response to the question, “Who do you thinkyouare?”oranyquestion insimilar formtocauseyou todoubtyourself.Thisnot only prevents you from getting on the “merry-go-round” of negative self-talk;italsocausesyoutostayrootedinyourMomentofImpactasyourHeroicSelforyourAlterEgo.

AResponseProclamationistheweaponyourAlterEgoneeds.Here’swhataResponseProclamationsoundslikeformyOlympicalpineskier.

“WhoamI?WhoamI,youask?“I’mtheonethat’swokenupat4:18a.m.everydayfor1,123straightdays

tobethefirstoneontheskihilltogetmyrepsinforthismoment.“WhoamI?“I’m the onewho spends forty-fiveminutes every day, lying onmy back

relaxedandconfidentlyseeingandexperiencingmyselfracedownthishillandexecutethetightturnswithstronglegsandgreatformsoIgivemyselfthebest

chancetoputupatimethatmayjustwinmeamedal.“WhoamI?“I’mtheonethatsomelittlekid,sittingathome,cross-legged,mesmerized

andstaringathisTVset,isgoingtopointatandlookoverhisshouldertoMomandsay,‘I’mgonnabelikethemsomeday,Mom.’

“I’mtheonepoweredbyaforcefargreaterthananythingyoucanthrowmyway.So,excusemeifIdon’thavetimeforyourbullshitquestionbecausethislifeI’vegotisbiggerthansomequestionbasedinfear.

“Sowhydon’tyougetyourasstothesidelineswhereyoubelong!”ItshinesalightontheEnemy,sendingitslinkingoffintothecorner,curling

upintoaball,sucking its thumbandcryingformommy, just likemostbulliesdo.

ThisGroundPunchistheretoknocktheEnemyonitsass.

CRAFTINGYOURRESPONSEPROCLAMATION

Afewyears ago I sharedavideoof theResponseProclamationonFacebook,andshortlyafter,aclientofminenamedMarkreachedouttoscheduleacall.Hewantedhelpcreatinghis.

An excellent Response Proclamation spotlights your grit, your hustle, andyourachievements.I’mgoingtowalkyouthroughwhatIdidwithMark,andasyoureadit,imagineyouwereMark,andwewerehavingthisconversation.

Goback in time to thebeginningofyourcareer.Tellme thestoryofyourlife,toldthroughthelensofyourwinsandaccomplishments.Iknowyouhavethem.Youwouldn’tbereadingthisbookifyouhadn’talreadytastedsuccess—youwanttotastemoreofit,andwithmoreconsistency.

Markrunsasuccessfule-commercebusinessthathitaroughpatch.AgoodportionofhisbusinessgoesthroughAmazon,andrecentchangesthecompanyhadmadehadcausedMarktoworrythathecouldn’tpivotfastenoughtoadjust.He also launched a new service where he taught other entrepreneurs how tobuild successful e-commercebusinesses.Markwouldhost liveevents to sharetheinsandoutsofwhatworkedforhim.Hehaddevelopedmassiveinsecuritythat he was an imposter. He questioned whether he had anything of value tosharewith other entrepreneurs, especiallywhen hewasn’t sure if his businesscouldsurviveAmazon’schanges.

“Whenyoulookatyourcareer...”Ibegan.IneededtotakeMarkoutofhisOrdinary World, where his Enemy was tugging on the thread of impostersyndrome,sowetookamoreholisticlookathiscareer.I’daskhimaquestion,

andhe’dslowlytellmestoriesofhispast,almostlikeanautobiography.ThenIwouldrepeatbacktohimwhatI’dhear.

“So, let me get this straight,” I told him. “You started your professionalcareerasapoliceofficerinMiami.Whatwasyournextmove?”

“Isoldphotocopiers.”“Interesting,soyoubecameprettygoodatthat,huh?Itmusthavetakenyou

alongtimetobecomesuccessfulsinceyoustartedyourcareerasacopandnotasalesman.”

“Well, no, it took me eight months before I became the top photocopiersalespersoninFlorida.”

“Wow,that’snotimeatall!Whatdidyoudoaftersellingphotocopiers?”“Well,oneofmyclientswasorderingatonofstufffrommycompany,more

than just photocopiers. I wanted to know what they were doing, so when Ishowedupathisoffice,itwasfilledwithabunchoftwenty-six-year-oldswithLamborghinisintheparkinglot.Theyweresellingprepaidcardsdoor-to-doortogrocery and convenience stores. I tookone look at themand thought, If thesekidscandoit,socanI.”

“So,wereyougoodatthat,too?”Iasked.Hechuckled.“Yeah,Iguessso.Iwasdoingamilliondollarsamonthinthat

business until the technology sector broke through and made calling cardsobsolete.”

“Okay,sowhatdidyoudonext?”Iwastryingtogethimtoseeallthewinshehadunderhisbelt.

“I saw this ad on how to build e-commerce businesses for Amazon. Iwatchedthevideoandthought,Icandothis,andwithinsixmonths,Iwasdoingamillion-plusayear.”

“Okay, so let me get this straight. You’re tellingme, right now, you feelinsecure because Amazon is constantly evolving and changing and you don’tknowifyoucanevolveorchangewithit?”

“Yeah.”“ButtheonlythingIheardfromyourstoryis thatyou’regreatatevolving

andchanging.”He laughed and said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe I don’t need a

GroundPunch.”“No, you can still use theGroundPunch andResponseProclamation.The

next timeyouhear that little voice insideyourhead, asking “Whoam I todoX?”orsaying“Youcan’tdothis”or“Thisisn’tgoingtoworkout,”youneedtorespondwith:

“WhoamI?WhoamI,youask?

“I’mtheguywholefta jobasacopwithnobusinessexperience,nosalesexperience and rose to be the number one salesperson in the entire state ofFloridasellingphotocopiersdoor-to-door.

“Can’tdothis?I’mtheguywhorecognizedanopportunitywhenIsawsomefreaking wet-behind-the-ear kids driving Lamborghinis, selling calling cardsdoor-to-door, and went out and launched that business and made it amultimillion-dollarenterprise.

“It’snotgoingtoworkout?I’mtheguywho,whenthatruggotpulledoutfromunderneathhim,wentandstartedanotherbusinessine-commerce.Oh,andbytheway,Itookthatacrosstheseven-figurethreshold,too.

“Ifyouthinkyou’retalkingtoaguywhocan’treinventhimself,goknockonanotherdoor,becausethatain’tme.”

IgetchillseverytimeIworkonsomeone’sResponseProclamation.Now, that’s one way to craft a Response Proclamation and lay down a

GroundPunchtosendaseismicshockwavethroughyournervoussystemandwakeyouup.OryoucancraftyourresponsefromtheperspectiveoftheAlterEgoyou’vejustworkedhardtocreate.

So if you chose a character from movies, television, or literature, yourresponse would be from that persona. If you chose an animal, your responsewouldbeinfluencedbytheattributesofthatanimal.Ifitwasamachine...yougettheidea.

Imaginecompletelyembodying thehistoryand traitsofMuhammadAliorOprah or Churchill or Nikola Tesla or any of the millions of possiblepermutationsyoucouldbeinfluencedby.

When things became challenging, thatAlter Ego responded in their voice,bringingyoubackontotheFieldofPlay.

So, how could you respondwith aGroundPunch, sending amessage thatyouwon’tpullawayfromyourmission?Thatyouwon’thideandyou’reheretostay?

WriteoutaResponseProclamationinresponsetothequestion,“Whodoyouthinkyouare?”Or,“This isn’tgoing towork foryou . . .”Or,“Youcan’tdothis...”

Remember,itcanbefromyourhistoryoryourAlterEgo’shistory.Havefunwithitanddon’tbeafraidtobelethalwithyourresponse.

Afteryou’vecreatedyours,Iwanttoreadit.Postitonlineandtagme.Orgoto the AlterEgoEffect.com and follow the link to our community. There’snothing likebeing inspiredbypeoplewhoareout there, chasing theirdreams,battlingtheHiddenForces,andsucceeding.

We’recomingtotheendofthejourneyofcreatinganAlterEgoyoucanuse

onanyFieldofPlayinlife.However,beforeweendthisprocess,Ihaveafewfinaltipstohelpyougetthemostoutofthis.

Chapter16

Mindsets,Missions,Quests,andAdventures

“Do you want to see her?” This was the question Marilyn Monroe teasinglyaskedthephotographerfollowingheronthestreetsofNewYork.

RobertSteinrecountedthestoryafterspendingadaywithMarilynMonroein1955whentheirpublicationwantedtocapturethenon-HollywoodversionofMarilyn.1 She wrapped herself in a camel’s hair coat, subdued her famousbouncycurls,andtheywalkedherthroughGrandCentralTerminalanddowntothe subway. Nobody paid any attention to her. Even while the photographersnappedphotosofherhangingontothestrapdanglingfromthesubwaycar,shewentunnoticed.ShewasjustNormaJean,anotherpassengeronthesubway.

When they left the subway and came back up onto the street, Robertrecounted, she turned to them and said, “Do you want to see her?” Sheproceeded to “take off her coat, fluff up her hair, arch her back and strike apose.”

Throngsofpeopleswarmedherimmediately.ThisisthemagicoftheAlterEgo.Youcreateyourworld.Youdecidewho

shows up on your Field of Play. And you decide what Superpowers andcharacteristicsyou’llbringintoyourworld,togettheresultsyouwant.

Throughout this bookyou’ve read about people from theworldsof sports,business,andregular lifewhousedAlterEgos tochangetheir lives,overcomechallenges, and chase down goals withmore freedom.You’ve read about themultiplestudiesandmountingresearchthatshowsthisapproachnotonlyhelpsyouperformbetter, andhelpsyoucopewith life’snatural challenges,but alsotapsintohowweareallnaturallywiredtofunction.

You’velearnedthat theAlterEgoEffecthelpsyoutapintomotivationandmindset behind why you’re doing an activity, which draws you into anExtraordinaryWorld.2

You’velearnedthatbyjustwearingawhitelabcoatorchoosingaTotemorArtifacttorepresentyourAlterEgo,youimmediatelychangeyourperformancecapabilitiesthroughthephenomenonof“enclothedcognition.”3

You’velearnedthatbyidentifyingyourdeepercharactertraitsandvaluestocreateyourSuperpowers,youactwithmorepurposeandconviction.4

Nowit’stimetogetyouontotheFieldofPlayandhaveyouexperiencetheExtraordinaryWorldmoreoften.

ThefollowingisaseriesofquestsorchallengestogetyoustartedandhelpyoustepintoyourAlterEgoandtestitsstrength.They’redesignedtobesimpleand easy to execute. Plus, they’re a fun way to experiment with your newlycreatedSuperpowers.

QUEST1:THECOFFEESHOP

YourfirstquestwillbetogotoalocalcoffeeshopasyourAlterEgo,orderafavoritedrink,anddrinkitasyourAlterEgo.

Forsomepeople,assoonastheycallforththeirAlterEgo,it’slikeputtingontheirfavoritepairof jeans.Forothers, theirAlterEgoneedsmorebreakingin. Some people need to practice what it feels like becoming their Alter EgoevenbeforetheystepontotheirFieldofPlay.

If that’syou, then I encourageyou to startpracticing rightnow.ThemoreyouembodyyourAlterEgo,theSuperpowers,theOriginStory,theeasieritwillbeforyoutobringthisHeroicSelftoyourMomentofImpact.

HOWTODOITDrive or walk to a local coffee shop and before you walk through the door,Activate yourAlterEgowith yourTotemorArtifact. Feel the change happenandwalkthroughthedoor.Walktothecounter,orderyourdrink,andsitdownatanearbytableorwalkbackoutsideanddrinkyourbeverageofchoice.

Asyoudo this,bemindfulofhowyou’dconsume thedrinkasyourAlterEgo;howwouldyouhold it, sip it, stand,sit?Wouldyouenjoy itdifferently?WhatwillyourAlterEgobenoticingaboutthesurroundings,thepeople,andtheenvironment?Willyoubeinteractingwithpeopledifferently?AndhowwilltheAlterEgobefeeling?

WHYTHISWORKSIt’sameaninglesssituationwithnothreattoyourworld.I’mnotaskingyoutogo and close the biggest deal of your life or do something terrifying ordangerous.You’rejustorderingadrink.Thelessstressaroundtheactivityorthemorefamiliarityyouhaveofthesimpleroutine,theeasieritwillbeforyoutostepintotheplayfulsideoftheAlterEgo,withoutworryingaboutperformingadifficulttask.

ASIMPLEVARIATIONGo for a walk as your Alter Ego. Employ the same strategies as the “CoffeeShopQuest,”andpracticefullyembodyingyourAlterEgo.Howwouldyoufeelabout the world around you as your Alter Ego? Use the same questions IoutlinedinthecoffeeshopexampletopromptyoutoactivateyourAlterEgo.

QUEST2:THENUMBERFOCUSGAME

This quest is designed to test your ability to focus and immediately test thepowers of your Alter Ego. For twenty years, I’ve been teaching athletes thepowerofmeditationandhelpingthemdevelopstrongerfocusandconcentrationskills. It’s hard to argue with the mountains of research on the benefits ofmeditation,butforsome,theystilldidn’tknowifitwashelping,soIdevelopedasimpletechniquetoclosethefeedbackloopmorequickly.

HERE’SHOWITWORKSSit in a comfortable position. It could be in a chair or on the floor. Place anobjectlikeaballorablankpieceofpapertwofeetinfrontofyou.Setatimerfor three minutes. During the three minutes, you’ll start by visualizing thenumber1,ontheobject.Themomentyounoticeyourmindhasdriftedoffofthenumber 1, visualize the number 2 on the object. Once again, when you’venoticedyourmindhasdrifted,visualizethenumber3.Continuethispatternuntilthetimergoesoff.Whatevernumberyou’releftwithwhenthetimergoesoffisthenumberyou’llwanttorecordsomewhere,likeanotepadorinanoteonyourphone. Ifyouendedwith thenumber34, then that’syourscorefor this round.Youwantalowernumbernextround.

Now do the exercise again, except this time activate your Alter EgowithyourTotemandgothroughthesameprocessasyourAlterEgo.Ifit’sEinstein,beEinstein. If it’sanelephant,beanelephant. If it’syour strongand resilientgrandmother,beher.Thenrecordthenumberyou’releftwithattheend.

Howdiditgo?Wereyoubetter?Wasitharder?The twomost common experiences of people trying this for the first time

are:1)theywereabletobeattheirpreviousscorebyafairmargin;2)theyfoundthemselves loopingbackandforthbetweenremembering tobe theirAlterEgoandfocusingonthenumber.

Either one is a great outcome because, with even more practice, thingsimprove.

WHYTHISWORKS

PracticingbecomingyourAlterEgoandgivingitatasktoperformunderslightcompetition is no different than athletes practicing and refining their skills,buildingendurance, strength, stamina, agility, and flexibility longbeforegameday.Takeapagefromtheirbooks.IfyourAlterEgo’sposturechanges,practiceit.Practice sitting straight in a chair insteadof slouching.Practice aparticularlookinyoureye,likeaslightsquint,becauseyou’re“dialedin”andfocused.

Therearenorules,exceptpractice.

QUEST3:PLAYAGAME

ThisquestisdesignedtohaveyouexperimentwithyourresiliencyasyourAlterEgo.Gamesandcompetitionsareagreatwaytoseesomeone’srealpersonality.There’s an old adage that an hour of play reveals more than a year ofconversation.Iagree.ThatiswhythisisagreattestofthestrengthofyourAlterEgo.

HOWTODOITChoose a game to play with friends or family; play a video game on yourfavorite gaming device or put together a puzzle. By the way, nobody you’replayingwithneeds toknowaboutyour secret identity.Competeas yourAlterEgo. The challenges, competition, or frustrations are a greatway to flex yourresiliencemuscleandtrulygettoknowandembodyyourAlterEgo.

WHYTHISWORKSAclientofminesaid,“IquicklyrealizedhowmuchmoreworkIneededtodowithmyAlterEgoongettingpastdefeats.Mypersonalityhasalwaysbeen totakethingswaytoopersonallywhenI’dlose.ThefirsttimeIplayedagameasmyAlterEgo, I let toomuchofmyold self showup. Itmademe realize justhowmuchIwantedtobemyAlterEgoandridmyselfofthatnegativity.Anditworked.Themore I becamemyAlterEgo, the less I ever cared about losing,whichmeantIstartedwinningwaymore.Itfeltliberating.”

Try this quest to test your resiliency and commitment. As youmay recallfrom thechapteron theEnemy, it loves touse the forcesof fear, judgmentofothers, and pride to pull you away from being your best. This will help yoububbleituptothesurface,soyoucanslaythosedragonsbeforeyou’llneedtodefeattheminaMomentofImpact.

I mentioned it in the chapter on Totems and Artifacts, and it’s worthrepeating:whenyouslip,reset.Thismeanstakingoffyourglassesandputtingthembackon.Puttingdownyourpenandpickingitbackup.Itmeansremoving

theringandplacingitbackontoswitchbackon.Itmeanspullingthepebbleoutofyourpocketandplacingitbackinagain.

Tip: If you picked the Field of Play as a Totem, and you find yourselfneedingregularresets,considerchangingtoonethatyoucanwearorcarrywithyou.

The reset is a trigger for yourmind, reminding you that there are specificSuperpowers that you want and need to use in this precise moment. Beingconsciousand intentional is just anotherway tobeyourbest coachouton thefield.

FINDYOURALLIES

Whenyoureflectonyourlifeandanychangesyou’vemade,youprobablyfeltuncertaintyatfirstbutthendiscoveredalotoftheconcernswereunnecessary.IagreewithJamesA.Garfield:“Iremembertheoldmanwhosaidhehadagreatmanytroublesinhislife,buttheworstofthemneverhappened.”

What I’ve experienced personally, and in the lives of countless men andwomen, is that allies arewaiting tohelpyouout.Despitewhat is playedoverand over again on loop in the media, the vast majority of people are kind,helpful,andgenerous—whengivenachance.Sofindatribeofalliestohelpyoureachyourmission,whateveritmaybe,andherearesomeplacestostart.

Allies that get you. Go to AlterEgoEffect.com and connect with acommunity of people already raising their hands and building Heroes andHeroines.There’stremendouspowerinfindingotherpeoplewhogettheinsiderlanguage we’ve used throughout the book. It’s also easier for new friends toencourageeachotherandstrategizechange,becauseunlikesomecurrentfriendsorfamily,theyaren’tthreatenedbyanyofthechangesbeingmade.Sometimesyourbestallieswillbenewallies.

Allies you know. People in your existing world always have your back.Sharewiththemwhatyou’redoing.Buythemthebookortellthemaboutitandrecruit them into the Extraordinary World. When people start to do thingstogether for positive purposes, it creates something scientists call “upwardspiral.”5 This upward spiral triggers a biological support structure that causespeople tobecomecloser,performbetter,andbemore likely tohelpeachotherout.

Acorporatesalesconsultantsharedthisinanemailtomeafewyearsago:“Bringingsomeonealonginmy‘secretworld’hasnotonlycausedustobegreatcoachesforeachotherandaccountabilitypartners,butit’salsobeenalotmore

fun. We’re beating our sales numbers every month, and any time one of usdoesn’tactlikeourHeroicSelf,wecalleachotheronit.It’sturnedworkintoabitofagame.”

Alliesthatmentoryou.Thishasbeenoneofthemostsignificantstrategiesofmylife.I’veactivelysoughtoutmentorstolearnfrom,apprenticewith,andbepushedbysince thebeginning.HarveyDorfman,oneof themost respectedmentalgamecoachesontheplanet,wasoneofmyfirstgreatmentors.HewasmyObi-WanKenobi. In fact, inMajorLeagueBaseball,hewasknownas the“YodaofBaseball.”

Now,youdon’tnecessarilytellyourmentoraboutyourAlterEgo,butyoucan view them as that specialwizardwho shows up to help you realize yourExtraordinaryWorld. The great thing about this strategy is they can come inmanyforms.Youcanread theirbooksorbooksabout themand imagine themcoachingyou,talkingyouthroughaproblem,orshowingupwhenyoucouldusesomeextrasupport.Or,theycouldbetruementorships,andyoucouldmeetwiththemregularlyorsemiregularlytogetguidanceandadvice.

To this day I’ve had at least eleven true mentors I’ve met with on aconsistent basis, and countless others who were “mentors from afar.” Theydidn’tknowtheyweremymentor,but theytookupresidenceinmymindandhelped toguideme.Don’tunderestimate thepowerofagreatmentor,becausefewthingswillimpactyoumore.

Byfarandaway,whatholdsalotofpeoplebackisthefearofanewlifeintheExtraordinary.Theythinkthey’llleavebehindthepeoplethey’vespenttheirentire lives with. Joanne explains this best: “I grew up poor, and I vowed tomyselftoneverbefreakingpoor.But,Ifeltlikemyfamilyoforigin,myparentsand brothers, didn’t understand. I was going after something different thaneveryoneinmyfamily.Iwantedmoreformyselfinwaystheydidn’t.

“ThemomentIsteppedoutandusedmyAlterEgotogoafterwhatIwanted,anewtribeshowedup.It’samazingwhoyoufindwhenyoustarttogoafterbigthings!”

I love Joanne’s raw honesty because it hits onwhat somany people fear:gettingbouncedfromtheirtribesandfailingtorealizeanotheronewillshowup.

WhatI’veseen,personallyinmylife,andinthelivesofcountlessmenandwomen, is thatwhenyouleaveone tribe,youfindanewone.Or thenewonefindsyou.Natureabhorsvacuums.Emptyacloset,and it’ll fillbackupagain.Clean off a desk, and stuff will find its way back onto it. Dig a hole in theground,andwaterorsomethingelsewillfinditswayin.Youmayhavetofindyour tribe.Youmay have to spend time in new places, join new groups, andmakenew friends, but I promise, youwon’twander in thedesert or jungle or

Arctictundraalone.Calling forth your Alter Ego is a continuous process. Go, be playful, and

collectthedata.Seewhatworksandwhatdoesn’tforyourAlterEgo.YoumayfindyouneedastrongerOriginStory,oryouneeddifferentSuperpowers,oradifferentTotemorArtifactoradifferentActivationevent.Maybeyouneed tocraftastrongerResponseProclamation,oryouneedabettername.

Only you will know if something’s not working. Merely find a balancebetween giving something a chance and then tweaking it for amore powerfulresult.

YoucanrefineanypartoftheAlterEgoprocess,too.MaybeyourealizeyouneedanotherSuperpower.PerhapsyourealizeyouneedadifferentTotemandArtifact.Don’tbeafraidtomakechangesifyouneedto.

SIXMINDSETSTOWIN

You’vebuiltanAlterEgotocarryyouintoyourExtraordinaryWorld.Asyouventure forth into theunknown, I haveone final challenge. I challengeyou toembrace thesesixprinciples.Thinkof themas reminders,aspartingwords,asinspiration,motivation,guidance,oradvice.Ihavenoideawhatyou’llfind,butIknowifyoucanallowtheseprinciples toguideyou, thenyou’llseeyoucanfaceanychallenge.

1. BringItOn!(EmbracetheChallenge)Ifthere’ssomethingthatseparatesprosfromamateursinanydomainof

life,it’sthewillingnesstowelcomeobstaclesandembracechallenges.Prosseethemasaforcethatwillmakethemstronger,sharpentheirskills,andmakethemmorevaluable.

YourExtraordinaryWorldwillchallengeyou,andifyoufaceitwithanopenness and willingness to be challenged, then you’ll find yourselfdevelopingmoreofthenextMindset...

2. I’mReadyforAnything!(StayFlexibleandAdaptable)Whenyouhaveawillingnesstobechallenged,itopensupmoreofyour

mind so you can stay ready for anything. In sports, we call it activereadiness. It keepsyourmindopen to creativelyproblem solve andhelpsyoudevelopagility. It’s also terribly intimidating to theEnemy. It’s hardforanybullytodealwithafoestandinginfrontofitwhosays,“I’mreadyforanythingyou’vegot!”That’stypicallynotafightitwants.

3. I’maCreativeForce!(EmbraceYourImaginationandCreativity)

Themoreyouembracechallenges,andstayflexible,themoreyoufreeupthementalspacetobecreative.Youwerebornpretendingandmakingbelieve and creatingworlds in your head that don’t exist in reality.Thenyouweretoldbythegrown-upsto“stopdoingthat,”“don’tactthatway,”orto“growup.”

But the“grown-ups”werewrong.Useyour imagination;don’tkeepithidden.It’sapowerfultoolthatnotonlybringsyourAlterEgotolife,butunleashesitsSuperpowers,too.

4. ILovetoPlay!(KeepaPlayfulAttitude)Throughoutthebook,wetalkedaboutbig,importantthingsinourlives

thatmatter tous—dreamsandgoalsandpursuingworthy ideals. It’sonlynatural thatwe take this stuff seriously. It’s serious because the desire toachievegnawsatusuntilwetakeaction.Butnobodysaysthiscan’talsobefun.

Welovegamesbecausetheychallengeandtestus.Gamesbringoutourplayfulsides(andourcompetitivesides,becauselet’sfaceit,whodoesn’tliketowin?).Gamesarefun,evenwhentheychallengeus.

Wecanbeplayfulwith theAlterEgo concept.Themoreplayful youare,thebetteryourresultsmaybe.Why?Becauseyou’llbemorelikelytoexperiment, to take the Alter Ego you create into the field and see if itworks.Thenyou’lltinkerwithittomakeitevenstronger,testingtheresultsagain,thentinkeringsomemore,untilyou’vefoundthebestAlterEgoforyou.

5. IWonderWhatWillHappen?!(AppreciateDiscoveryandCuriosity)Whatwouldhappenifyouapproachedyourlifelikeamadscientistina

lab,willing to always test out new things to see if they’llwork?What ifeverytestinlifewasyouansweringthequestion,“Iwonder...?”WhatifyouendedupfindingouthowtrulycapableyouarewiththehelpofyourAlter Ego? You’ll never know the answer unless you first answer thequestion,“Iwonder...?”

6. IBelieveICanChange!(KnowYouCanReshapeYourMind)Our personalities are malleable. We can reshape ourselves. We can

change our beliefs and create new habits.We can change our identities.That’s what the Alter Ego does for us. It helps us to tap into dormantcapabilitiesandtraitsthatwejusthaven’tused,orhaven’tusedinasettingthatwewantandneed them in. Ifyou’veacted indecisivelyatwork,youcan learn to act decisively. If you’ve acted timidly during one-on-onemeetingswithprospectiveclients,youcanlearntoactassertively.Ifyou’vebeenawkwardduringnetworkingevents,youcanlearntobepoised.

Through her research, renowned psychologist Carol S. Dweck hasfound that success inany field—sports,business, thearts, in life—canbe“dramatically influencedbyhowwethinkaboutour talentsandabilities.”Shefoundtwotypesofpeopleinthisworld:thosewitha“fixedmindset,”whodidn’tbelievetheirabilitieswerecapableofchanging,andthosewitha“growthmindset,”whobelievedtheirabilitiescouldbedeveloped.Guesswhichgroupfoundgreatersuccess?Ifyousaidthegrowthmindsetcrowd,youwin.

Believingyou can changehowyou showuponyourField ofPlay iscrucial to successfully using the Alter Ego. You first have to think thatchange is possible. You have to believe that you can reshape thoseMomentsofImpactandachieveanentirelynewresult.

CROSSINGTHETHRESHOLD

Thefamousprofessor,researcher,andmythologistJosephCampbellpopularizedtheconceptof“theHero’sJourney.”InhisbookHerowithaThousandFaces,heexplains:

“A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region ofsupernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered, and a decisivevictory is won: the hero comes back from thismysterious adventurewith thepowertobestowboonsonhisfellowman.”6

GeorgeLucasfamouslyrewroteStarWarsafterhediscoveredCampbellandhis explanationof theHero’s Journey.Hewas even featured in the1988PBSdocumentaryseriesPowerofMyth,hostedbyBillMoyers.AccordingtoGeorgeLucas, recorded in a later interview,7 Campbell’s teachings took an unusablefive-hundred-page script and revealed in a simplemodel how the entire storyneededtobelaidout,becauseitfollowedastoryarcrepeatedthousandsoftimesthroughouthistory’smostcelebratedstories,fables,andmyths.

“It’spossible that if Ihadnot runacrosshim, IwouldstillbewritingStarWarstoday,”Lucassaid.8

There’s a point in the Hero’s Journey where the Hero has to “Cross theThreshold.” It’s themoment they leave theirOrdinaryWorld and set out on anew adventure. In Star Wars, it’s when Luke Skywalker goes with Obi-WanKenobitoMosEisleyandleaveshisfamilyfarm.InTheLordoftheRings,it’swhenFrodoleavestheShireandembarksonhisquesttodestroythering.Inthe2017WonderWoman,it’swhenDianaleavesthehiddenislandofThemysciratohelpsavehumanity.

In each case, there’s an adventure, quest, or mission to be undertaken.Sometimes it’s made by choice, and sometimes it’s been chosen for them,whetherbycircumstanceoradeepdesiretofulfillsomedestiny.

Now,whetheryoupickedupthisbookto

chaseafterabiggoallikerunningamarathon,navigateasignificantchangelikestartinganewcareer,pursuealifelongdreamofwritingabook,makesmallchangeslikelearningtocook,embraceanewmindsetlikebeingconfidentwhenitstimetoclosethesale,

orleadalifewithmoreplayfulcreativity,

thenextstepisto“crossthethreshold”andbegin.Attheendofyourlife,youwon’trememberthethoughtsorintentionsyou

had.You’ll remember theactionsyou took.You’ll judgeyourselfbyhowyoushowedup,bywhatyoudid,whatyou said, howyouacted, andwhetheryouperformedthewayyouknewyoucouldinanyofthestagesoflife.

Justlikeanycoach,whenyouhearthebuzzersound,Iwantyoutolookbackandsay,“Ileftnothingbehind.Igaveitmyall.IdideverythingIwantedtodo,andmore important, I showed up asmyHeroic Selfwith allmy capabilities,skills, and intentions. And it toppled dominos, which changed my life inextraordinary,unpredictableways.AndbecauseIdidthis,Ilivedafulllife.”

IknowanAlterEgocanhelpmakethishappen.I’vewaitedfifteenyearstowritethisbookbecauseIdidn’twanttowritean

anecdotalbookof“Here’showIdiditandyoucan,too”or“Here’saneatidea.”Iwantedtogiveyouatemplateprovenoutbyhundredsandthousandsofclients,research, science, and history. There’s comfort and confidence in knowingyou’renotonlypartofa tribe,butyou’realso justbeinghuman.Relish in theknowledge that your Alter Ego is helping to bring the very best version ofyourselfforwardontoyourFieldofPlayandintothoseMomentsofImpact.

Use theAlterEgotounlockthatdoor toyourExtraordinaryWorld, to thatpart of you waiting to be unleashed. Go forward. Slay your dragons. AndvanquishtheCommonandHiddenForcesoftheEnemy.

Myfinalchallengeforyouis tocreateyourAlterEgo,cross the threshold,andrevealyourSuperpowerstotheworld.

Yourmissionbeginsnow...

Acknowledgments

WritingabookisthehardestprofessionaldragonI’veeverhadtoslayandmorerewarding than I could’ve imagined. It took fifteenyearsof poking, prodding,and pushing from clients, friends, and peers to finally get this book into yourhands.Andnoneofthiswould’vehappenedwithoutmygreatestally,mywife,Valerie.Yourlate-nightedits,yourextraresearch,andyourcompletefaiththatIcould pull it off gave me extra superpowers to slay the dragon. Whateverhappenswiththisbook,I’vewon,becauseI’vegotyouwithmeinthefoxhole.

Tomychildren,Molly,Sophie,andCharlie,thanksforremindingmeeverydaythepowerofplayingwithalteregos.You’rethebestinspirationIcouldeverhave.Youhelpmekeep“themainthing,themainthing.”

Withoutwinningthegoldenticketofgettingtwophenomenalparents,whoknowswherelifewould’veledme.Butitmostdefinitelywouldn’thavebeentothisopportunityofthankingyouforteachingmelessonsaboutwhatitmeanstobehardworking,honest, andagooddad.You’remy firstheroes.Even thoughyoudon’tknowhowtoexplainwhatIdotoothers,maybethisbookwillmakeiteasier.

Tomy siblings,Ross,Ryan, andKerri—youall helped shape this book insomeway,mostlybecauseIwouldn’tbemewithoutyou.

Withouttheguidance,friendship,andsupportofmythreegreatestmentors,mycareerinsportsandbusinesswouldn’thavehappened.You’veallpassedon,butyouneedtobeacknowledgedforyourtremendouscontributionstomylife.GrantHenderson,you’re thegreatest teacher andcoach I everhad. JimRohn,you gave me the encouragement I needed when I was just starting out. AndHarveyDorfman, you’re the greatestmental-game coach that ever lived.Youtookachanceonmeandopenedupmoredoorsthananyone.Thankyou!

Mike Sainchuk, you’re the brother I got to choose. Thanks for yourfriendship.

Togetabookoutofsomeoneisafeataccomplishedbymanyhands.TuckerMax,itallstartedwhenwemetandyousaid,“You’reanidiotifyoudon’twritethis book.”Youwere right, and thank you for the amazing team you have at

Scribe.AmandaIbey,youwerethemostpatientcopilotonthisbook.You’reamasteratthecraftbutanevenbetterperson.Thankyou!

TomyagentsatFolioLit,ScottHoffmanandSteveTroha,youguyscrusheditforme.YourexpertiseisbeyondcompareandIwasluckyyoujumpedonthisbookfourminutesintoourinitialmeeting.

TomyeditoratHarperBusiness,EricNelson,somehowyouturnedmeintoawriter.Thanksforpushingmetomakethebookwhatitbecame.NowIknowwhyyou’reoneofthemostrespectededitorsinpublishing.Eternallygrateful.

Without my clients—the athletes, entrepreneurs, and business pro’s I’vebeenable toworkwithandbe inspiredbyover theyears—thisbookwouldn’thavethestoriesitneeded.Thanksforperseveringandgettingonthefieldeveryday.

Tomy team,youhelpedkeep the ship sailingwhile this book took shape.KarenBaglio,thanksforallyourefforts.You’reachamp!

Navigating life would be hard without my crew of close friends, GaryNealon,GlennOrmsby,LukeKobiolke,JordanMcIntyre,JaysonGaignard,DanMartell,RobKosberg,KevinHutto,ChrisWinfield,JonathanFields,RyanLee,TakiMoore, andSeanFinter. I couldn’t be luckier than to have all of you asfriends.

Andfinally,thankyoutothefamilyandpeopleI’veknowninthefourkeyplaces I’ve lived that shapedme:my small farm communities of Schuler andMedicine Hat, Alberta; the amazing people of Edmonton, Alberta; and theambitioushard-chargingpeopleofNewYorkCity.

Andfinally,thankyou.Ihopethebookimpactsyouliketheideaswithinithaveimpactedthousandsofothers.

Notes

Chapter2:TheOriginofAlterEgos

1. Collins EnglishDictionary—Complete andUnabridged, 10th ed. (London:WilliamCollins, 2009),retrievedJanuary13,2013.

2. TheOprahWinfreyShow,episode516,“HowaPairofOprah’sShoesChangedOneWoman’sLife,”aired September 19, 2015, http://www.oprah.com/own-where-are-they-now/how-a-pair-of-oprahs-shoes-changed-one-womans-life-video#ixzz5Kh8Czoef.

3. M.J.Brown,E.Henriquez,andJ.Groscup,“TheEffectsofEyeglassesandRaceonJurorDecisionsInvolvingaViolentCrime,”AmericanJournalofForensicPsychology26,no.2(2008):25–43.

4. Mike Vilensky, “Report: People Wearing Glasses Seem Like People You Can Trust,” New Yorkmagazine,February13,2011,http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2011/02/nerd_defense.html.

5. TheLegacy of aDream exhibition inConcourseE at theAtlanta-HartsfieldAirport in conjunctionwiththeKingCenter.OneofthedisplaycasescontainsthenonprescriptionglassesKingworetomakehimselffeelmoredistinguished.

Chapter3:ThePoweroftheAlterEgoEffect

1. Beyoncéinterview,September2003.2. Beyoncé,MarieClaireinterview,October2008.3. Ibid.4. Beyoncé,pressstatement,2008.5. Stephanie M. Carlson, “The Batman Effect: What My Research Shows About Pretend Play and

Executive Functioning,” Understood, May 30, 2016, https://www.understood.org/en/community-events/blogs/expert-corner/2016/05/30/the-batman-effect-what-my-research-shows-about-pretend-play-and-executive-functioning.

6. Ibid.7. Rachel E. White, Emily O. Prager, Catherine Schaefer, Ethan Kross, Angela L. Duckworth, and

Stephanie M. Carlson, “The ‘Batman Effect’: Improving Perseverance in Young Children,” ChildDevelopment,December16,2016,https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/cdev.12695.

8. Ibid.9. FrodeStenseng,JosteinRise,andPålKraft,“ActivityEngagementasEscapefromSelf:TheRoleof

Self-SuppressionandSelf-Expansion,”LeisureSciences34,no.1(2012):19–38.10. FrodeStenseng, JosteinRise, andPålKraft, “TheDarkSide ofLeisure:ObsessivePassion and Its

CovariatesandOutcomes,”LeisureStudies30,no.1(2011):49–62;andFrodeStenseng,“TheTwoFaces of Leisure Activity Engagement: Harmonious and Obsessive Passion in Relation toIntrapersonalConflictandLifeDomainOutcomes,”LeisureSciences30,no.5(2008):465–81.

11.RyanM.Niemiec,“VIACharacterStrengths:ResearchandPractice (TheFirst10Years),” inHansHenrikKnoopandAntonellaDelleFave,eds.,Well-BeingandCultures(SpringerNetherlands,2013).

12.MichaelShurtleff,Audition(NewYork:BantamBooks,1978),5.

13.OliverJames,UppingYourZiggy(London:KarnacBooks,2016),xii.14.Ibid.15.Ibid.

Chapter6:TheHiddenForcesoftheEnemy

1. CarlRichards,“LearningtoDealwiththeImposterSyndrome,”NewYorkTimes,October26,2015,https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/26/your-money/learning-to-deal-with-the-impostor-syndrome.html.

Chapter8:ThePowerofYourStory

1. LisaKron,WiredforStory(NewYork:TenSpeedPress,2015),8.2. SethGodin,AllMarketersAreLiars(NewYork:Penguin,2005),3.3. Ibid.,2.4. Ibid.,3.

Chapter9:ChoosingYourExtraordinaryWorld

1. Jim Carrey’s commencement address at the 2014 MUM graduation, May 24, 2014,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V80-gPkpH6M.

2. Ibid.3. MattMullin,“AjayiCompares‘JayTrain’PersonatoBrianDawkins’‘WeaponX’AlterEgo,”Philly

Voice,January10,2018,http://www.phillyvoice.com/ajayi-compares-jay-train-persona-brian-dawkins-weapon-x-alter-ego/.

4. Steven Kotler, “Flow States and Creativity,” Psychology Today, February 25, 2014,https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-playing-field/201402/flow-states-and-creativity.

5. Ibid.6. FrodeStenseng,JosteinRise,andPålKraft,“ActivityEngagementasEscapefromSelf:TheRoleof

Self-SuppressionandSelf-Expansion,”LeisureSciences34,no.1(2012):19–38.

Chapter10:ThePowerofaMission

1. RoyF.Baumeister,“SomeKeyDifferencesbetweenaHappyLifeandaMeaningfulLife,”JournalofPositivePsychology8,no.6(2013).

2. BarbaraFredricksonandStevenW.Cole,NationalAcademyofSciences,July29,2013.3. StevenPinker,HowtheMindWorks(NewYork:Norton,1997),373.4. TaiichiOhno,“Ask‘Why’FiveTimesAboutEveryMatter,”Toyota,March2006,http://www.toyota-

global.com/company/toyota_traditions/quality/mar_apr_2006.html.5. EthanKrossandÖzlemAyduk,“MakingMeaningOutofNegativeExperiencesbySelf-Distancing,”

CurrentDirectionsinPsychologicalScience20,no.3(2011):187–91.

Chapter13:TheHeroicOriginStory

1. Ibid.2. AlisonFlood,“JKRowlingSaysSheReceived‘Loads’ofRejectionsBeforeHarryPotterSuccess,”

Guardian, March 24, 2015, https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/mar/24/jk-rowling-tells-fans-twitter-loads-rejections-before-harry-potter-success.

3. Ibid.4. Ibid.

Chapter14:ActivatingYourAlterEgowithaTotemorArtifact

1. JoeWright,dir.,DarkestHour,2017,PerfectWorldPictures.2. Hajo Adam and Adam D. Galinsky, “Enclothed Cognition,” Journal of Experimental Social

Psychology48,no.4(July2012):918–25.3. Ibid.

Chapter16:Mindsets,Missions,Quests,andAdventures

1. RobertStein,“DoYouWanttoSeeHer?”AmericanHeritage56,no.5(2005).2. FrodeStenseng,JosteinRise,andPålKraft,“ActivityEngagementasEscapefromSelf:TheRoleof

Self-SuppressionandSelf-Expansion,”LeisureSciences34,no.1(2012):19–38.3. Hajo Adam and Adam D. Galinsky, “Enclothed Cognition,” Journal of Experimental Social

Psychology48,no.4(July2012):918–25.4. RyanM.Niemiec,“VIACharacterStrengths:ResearchandPractice (TheFirst10Years),” inHans

HenrikKnoopandAntonellaDelleFave,eds.,Well-BeingandCultures(SpringerNetherlands,2013).5. BethanyE.KokandBarbaraL.Fredrickson,“UpwardSpiralsoftheHeart:AutonomicFlexibility,as

Indexed by Vagal Tone, Reciprocally and Prospectively Predicts Positive Emotions and SocialConnectedness,”BiologicalPsychology85,no.3(2010):432–36.

6. JosephCampbell,TheHerowithaThousandFaces(Princeton,NJ:PrincetonUniversityPress,1949),23.

7. GeorgeLucasinterview,NationalArtsClub,1985.8. Ibid.

Index

ThepaginationofthisdigitaleditiondoesnotmatchtheprinteditionfromwhichtheIndexwascreated.Tolocateaspecificentry,pleaseuseyoure-bookreader’ssearchtools.

ActionLayerinFieldofPlayModeloverview,28–29theEnemyand,37–38inExtraordinaryWorld,38–39andFieldofPlayLayer,61–62andFiveBridgesframework,68–69,113–14importanceofactionsvs.thoughts,40–41

actionsandAlterEgoEffectModel,159–63emotionalmotivation,121–22emotionsasdrivingforce,98,121–22,189personalstoriesasdriverof,98publicspeaking,67,75–76rememberingyouractionsattheendofyourlife,230–31

ActivatingYourAlterEgotheActivationEvent,202–6mistakestoavoid,200–201powerofsymbolicmeaning,183–85,197–98powersofsymbols,objects,andenvironments,185–87SeealsoTotemsorArtifactsadaptableandflexiblemindset,227

Adolescence(journal),89–90Adventures.SeeQuestsandAdventuresAjayi,Jay“JayTrain,”107–8alignmentaskeytomagic,57allies,224–26AllMarketersAreLiars(Godin),99Alonto“BigWave,”109–10,149–50AlterEgo/AlterEgosoverview,9,36,226attributeslist,161–63becauselifeisdifficult,4,50choosing/identifyingthebestforyou,142,173andclarityabouttheEnemy,85–86conceptdevelopment,10–11,14–18,19–21creatinganOriginStory,176–77creationprocess,7–9,142–48fordefiningyourExtraordinaryWorld,118,135

evolvingovertime,151,173exercisesforbuilding,166–67inExtraordinaryWorld,157–58fakingwhoyouarevs.,41,86,174andFieldsofPlay,9,14,74–75,86,200andfindingSuperpowers,135honoringyour,201–2identifyingcorequalities,145–48andintentions,54–57,74namingprocess,149–53,173patternemergence,21–22practicingwith,219–23ResponseProclamationdeliveredby,217retainingpersonalvalues,84–85retriggeringwhenneeded,199selectiveuseof,204–6asshelterforCoreSelf,18,32–33,42–43,107stutteringovercomewith,18unitingyourFieldofPlay,TotemorArtifact,and,202–6UniversityofMinnesotastudyofchildrenusing,33–34utilizingyour,14SeealsoActivatingYourAlterEgoAlterEgoEffectoverview,11,23bypassingaCommonForce,98asinherentwisdom,87inOrdinaryandExtraordinaryWorlds,36–37orientingtooneFieldofPlay,33–34andself-distancingtechnique,131SeealsoEnemy,the;HeroicSelfAlterEgoEffectModeloverview,158attitudes,beliefs,values,perceptionsandexpectations,163–65callingforthyourSuperpowersandHeroicSelf,191–94skills,knowledge,behaviors,actions,andreactions,159–63

AlterEgosofathletesoverview,21–22BlackMamba(KobeBryant),150–51Jason(BoJackson),2–3,197JayTrain(JayAjayi),107–8Panther(Anthony),7–9,202–3Payton,Lott,andNativeAmericans(ToddHerman),16–18,142–43,201tennisplayer(Ian),24–25,42

AlterEgosofpublicfiguresCaryGrant(ArchieLeach),107,192ClarkKent(Superman),2,3,34EmmanuelPahud(Kisma),45Gordonon,13JayTrain(JayAjayi),107–8Kingwithglasses (MartinLutherKingJr.),20,182–83,185,239n5(Chpt.2)Richard (ToddHerman),21,103,134,137–38,158,199

SashaFierce(Beyoncé),31–32,150

Yo-YoMa(Kisma),45ZiggyStardust(DavidBowie),44

Amy(entrepreneur,atotalstarterandnonfinisher),101–2Angelou,Maya,78,167animalsasAlterEgos,180–81,198,203BlackMamba(KobeBryant),150–51Panther(Anthony),7–9,202–3Stag(Julia),64–65,137,140–41Superpowersof,137,180–81,198

Anthony(youngbasketballplayer)“Panther,”4–9,202–3Aquaman,134Artifacts, 194, 195. See also Totems or Artifacts athletes. See Alter Egos of athletes; specific athletes

Atkinson,Rowan,18authorontheairplane,46–47,58autorepairshopowner,53–54,140,178–79awarenessassecondstageofchange,193Ayduk,Özlem,130–31

balletdancerinspiresotherAfricanAmericans,80–81basketballplayerwithpotential(Anthony),4–9,202–3Batman,33,120,123,124,176–77,197–98BatmanBegins(movie),177Baumeister,Roy,121BeliefLayerinFieldofPlayModeloverview,28,30theEnemyand,37–38,115inExtraordinaryWorld,38–39andFiveBridgesframework,115–16“LessOf”and“Stop”bridgesutilization,85–86

beliefsofyourAlterEgo,163–64believingvs.knowing,163–64Beyoncé“SashaFierce,”30–32,150biathlete,175–76“BorntoRun”(song,Springsteen),193–94Bowie,David“ZiggyStardust,”44BringItOn!mindset,227Bryant,Kobe“BlackMamba,”150–51BuffytheVampireSlayer,123,124bullyingconversation,circular,90–91Bunyan,Paul,156Burch,Noel,192–93

Campbell,Joseph,229–30Carrey,Jim,107challengesoverview,49–50BringItOn!mindset,227choosingyourFieldofPlaybasedon,53enlistinghelp,63asopportunityfortheEnemy,170

peoplepleasingas,64–65testsandtrials,207–8,210SeealsoGroundPunchdeliverychangeIBelieveICanChange!mindset,228stagesof,192–93strategizing,224–25

charactertraits,145–48Child,Julia,157–58,165children’sbooksassourceofOriginStory,181Churchill,Winston,182Cicero,14circularbullyingconversation,90–91closingasaleasMomentofImpact,68coachingyourself,86–87Cole,Steven,121comicbooksandtheirheroes,2–4commitment,testingyour,223CommonForcesoftheEnemyoverview,72–76badattitude,73,100–101combatingwithBeliefLayer,37–38,115–16fearofbeing“foundout,”78notbeingintentional,74worryingaboutwhatothersthinkofyou,7,42–43,66–67,73,74–75,82–83

communityofpeopleutilizingAlterEgos,224–26consciouscompetence,193consciousincompetence,193context.SeeFieldofPlayLayerinFieldofPlayModel“Continue”bridgeinFiveBridgesframework,112–

16cookwannabe,157–58,165Copeland,Misty,80–81CoreDriversLayerinFieldofPlayModeloverview,27–28,30theEnemyand,37–38inExtraordinaryWorld,38–39,125–30andFiveWhystool,128–30“LessOf”and“Stop”bridgesutilization,85–86andOriginStories,174–76andrealpurpose/mission,124–28andtribalnarratives,80,97

CoreSelfoverview,25–27AlterEgoasshelterfor,18,32–33,42–43,107FieldofPlayModel,27–30SeealsoHeroicSelf;TrappedSelfCraig,Daniel,42,161

creativeforce,25–26,42creativitycreatingyourownAlterEgo,7–9,142–48I’maCreativeForce!mindset,227forturningoffnegativeself-talk,109–10utilizing,102SeealsoCoreSelf;imaginationCuban,Mark,161

culturalbeliefs,183–85CurbKickaspectofGroundPunchdelivery,211–12curiositymindset,228

DarkestHour(movie),182Dave(entrepreneursellingsoftwareproducts),76–77DirtyJobs(TVshow),189–90discoverymindset,228Dorfman,Harvey,103,225dressagehorseandrider,132–33,203drivingforceofAlterEgos,179emotionsas,98,121–22,189familyas,125,126SeealsoCoreDriversLayerinFieldofPlayModelDuarte,Nancy,64

DuBos,Charles,62Dweck,CarolS.,229dyslexia,187–88

Edwards,Tracy,140emotionalcontext,168–70emotionalresonancewithAlterEgo,149–50,173–74ofOriginStory,168–70,178–80pullofExtraordinaryWorld,121,126–30ofTotemsorArtifacts,198

emotionsandAlterEgoconnection,142,144appropriatetoyourFieldofPlay,93asdrivingforceofactions,98,121–22,189effectofcompellingstories,99effectoftraumaticevents,78–79,122–23feardisguisedaspracticality,107,225humanmindasfactoryof,74–75lovingfailure,116andmotivation,35–36,37–39,122–28negativeandpositiveemotions,35–36,37–39,125andnegativeself-talk,89–91,109,210–11obsessionwithhappiness,121settingbrain’shighest-levelgoals,121–22walkingasmeanstoopenup,119wordslessimportantthan,124–25

enclothedcognition,184end-in-mindthinking,110–16Enemy,theoverview,69,71–72,101becomingyourowncoach,86–87CommonForces,72–76HeroicSelfexperienceof,38–39HiddenForcesof,76–78,89–90,103

identifyingandovercoming,89–90impostersyndrome,76–78,81atMomentsofImpact,62overcomingunseenandunnamedenemies,91–94andpersonaltrauma,78–79pullingpeopleintoOrdinaryWorld,107respondingtoEnemy’s“Whodoyouthinkyouare?”question,213–14,216–17tennisstarblowingmatchesexample,70–71,83–85tennisstarovercomingchildhoodbullyexample,88–91TrappedSelfexperienceof,37–38tribalnarratives,78,80–86,97SeealsoCommonForcesoftheEnemyenlistinghelp,63

equestriandisciplines,132–33,203ExtraordinaryWorldinFieldofPlayModeloverview,34–40AlterEgofordefining,118answeringthe“WhatdoIwant?”question,110–16challengesandobstaclesin,107CoreDriversleadingto,38–39,125–30identifyinghowyourAlterEgoshowsupin,157–58imaginingandcreating,116–18mentorswhosupportyourefforts,225pullof,121–22targetmappingprocessformovinginto,60–64SeealsoFiveBridgestoProgressframeworkfailure,valueof,116

“fakeituntilyoumakeit”philosophy,86,174fakingwhoyouarevs.AlterEgoutilization,41familyandHeroicOriginStories,172–73,175–76,179–80asleadingdriver,125,126assourceofAlterEgo,141assourceofTotemsorArtifacts,195–97assourceoftribalnarratives,81,83U.S.Armycolonel’sproblemswithhisfamily,95–96,189–90

FieldofPlayoverview,27–30,52–53,71andAlterEgo,9,14,74–75,86,200careerexamples,61–64,119–20decidingwhichtofocuson,48–52developingthepositivesalreadythere,113discoveringyour“why?,”131emotionsappropriateto,93home-lifeexample,51–52andindividual’snarratives,97asTotem,197andtribalnarratives,78,80–86,97unitingyourAlterEgo,TotemorArtifact,and,202–6

FieldofPlayLayerinFieldofPlayModeloverview,29–30theEnemyand,37–38inExtraordinaryWorld,38–39“Lessof”and“Stop”bridgesutilization,68–69

FieldofPlayModeloverview,27–30andFiveBridgesframework,111–16andforcesoftheEnemyOrdinaryWorldandExtraordinaryWorldconcepts,34–40See also Action Layer; Belief Layer; Core Drivers Layer; Field of Play Layer financially-challengedCEO,159

FiveBridgestoProgressframeworkoverview,54–55andActionLayer,68–69,113–14“Continue”bridgeutilization,112–16andFieldofPlayModel,111–16“LessOf”bridgeutilization,68–69,85–86“MoreOf”bridgeutilization,63,112–15inOrdinaryWorldandchosenFieldofPlay,55–57“Start”bridgeutilization,112–16“Stop”bridgeutilization,68–69,85–86

FiveWhys,128–30fixedmindset,229flexibleandadaptablemindset,227focus-itis,54Forleo,Marie,137FortBraggmilitarybase,NorthCarolina,95–964-H(Head,Heart,Hands,Health),104–5FourStagesofLearningCompetency,192–93Frankl,Viktor,121Fredrickson,Barbara,121Fridaythe13th(movies),2

Gaignard,Jayson,13,171Garfield,JamesA.,224glassesasaremindertogetbackintoAlterEgo,199glassesforasmart,seriouslookKing,MartinLutherJr.,20,182–83,185,239n5(Chpt.2)Richard(ToddHerman),20–21,41,187–89,192

Godin,Seth,98–99Gordon,Shep“Supermensch,”12–14GQ(magazine),12Grant,Cary(originallyArchieLeach),107,160,192Gretzky,Wayne,54,124GroundPunchdeliveryoverview,207–8,210–11CurbKick,211–12ResponseProclamation,212–17

growthmindset,36,229

happiness,obsessionwith,121Henderson,Mr.(highschoolcoach),15–16Herman,Toddbadmintontotem,196,199–200

childhood,14–16andDorfman,Harvey,103,225dyslexia,187–884-Hspeechcompetitionwinner,104–5glasseseffect,20–21,41,187–89,192andGordon,Shep,12–14honoringhisAlterEgos,201–2hostingdinnerswithinterestingpeople,171andJackson,Bo,1–3,11mentoringyoungathletes,154–57overcomingworryaboutwhatotherpeoplethoughtofhim,66–67Payton,Lott,andNativeAmericansasAlterEgos,16–18,142–43,201punchingaplayerduringavolleyballtournament,15,74Richard,hisbusinessAlterEgo,21,103,134,137–38,158,199Richardnolongerneeded,192andRohn,Jim,105–6speechesonthepowerofsymbols,186–87

HeroicOriginStoriesanimalAlterEgos,180–81,198andCoreDrivers,174–76creatingyourAlterEgo’sstory,176–77discoveringastorythatfits,177–81emotionalcontext,168–70emotionalresonancetothestoryyouchoose,178–80Jewishgrandmawithironrodforaspine,172–73,196–97Nordicbiathlete,175–76andTotems,187–89SeealsopowerofyourstoryHeroicSelfcallingforthyourSuperpowersand,191–94clarityasrouteto,85–86inExtraordinaryWorld,37,38–39fearsasobstacleto,81–82andMomentsofImpact,66talkingbacktotheEnemy,89–90unconsciouscompetenceof,193WowMindset,36

HerowithaThousandFaces(Campbell),229–30HiddenForcesoftheEnemy,76–78,89–90,103hockeyplayerwithaversiontothecorners,135–36honestywithyourself,128honoringyourAlterEgo,201–2HowWeDecide(Lehrer),122Hugo,Victor,58humanbrain,18–19

IAm...SashaFierce(Beyoncéalbum),32,150Ian(tennisplayer/entrepreneur/comedian),24–25,34,42,109,116–17IBelieveICanChange!mindset,228ignoranceasfirststageofchange,193ILovetoPlay!mindset,227–28

I’maCreativeForce!mindset,227imaginationoverview,39exercisesforbuildingyourAlterEgo,166andExtraordinaryWorld,9–10,116–18I’maCreativeForce!mindset,227namingyourAlterEgo,151–53,173physicalworldexperiencevs.,191–92fortappingintocreativityandturningoffnegativeself-talk,109–10andunseenorunnamedenemies,91–92ofyoungsters,157SeealsoCoreSelf;creativityimaginationgame,39

ImmersionTechniqueforaddingdepthtoyourAlterEgo,158impostersyndromeasHiddenForceoftheEnemy,76–78,81I’mReadyforAnything!mindset,227IncredibleHulk,207–8intentions,54–57,74intrinsicmotivation.SeeCoreSelfintrinsicmotivators,26–27introvertsandnetworking,98IWonderWhatWillHappen!mindset,228

Jackson,Bo,1–3,11,117,197Jacques,Joni,19–20James,Oliver,44Javier(traumatizedsoccerplayer),79Jaws(movie),91–92Jimmy(salesrepwhohatesmakingsalescalls),99–101Joanne(businesswoman)“Giovanna,”42–43,140,179–80Jobs,Steve,77JournalofPositivePsychology,121Julia“Stag,”64–65,137,140–41

Karen(CFOofaconsultingfirm),75–76KelloggSchoolofManagement,183–84King,MartinLuther,Jr.,20,182–83,185,239n5(Chpt.2)Kisma(flutesoloist),44–45knowingvs.believing,163–64Kotler,Steven,109Kron,Lisa,97Kross,Ethan,130–31Kuznetsova,Valeria,88–91

LegacyofaDreamexhibition,Atlanta,20–21,239n5(Chpt.2)Lehrer,Jonah,122“LessOf”bridgeinFiveBridgesframework,68–69,85–86Lisa(dressagerider)“WonderWoman,”132–33,203LordoftheRings(Tolkien),230Lott,Ronnie,17–18,142–43,201Lucas,George,229–30

MacGyver,137Maggie(entrepreneur)“J.K.Rowling,”177–78

Mark(e-commercebusinessman)developingaResponseProclamation,214–17marketingandstoryutilization,98–99MaryAnn(autorepairshopowner),140MaryAnn(autorepairshopowner/consultant),53–54,140,178–79MastermindTalksevent,12–14masteryasfourthstageofchange,193Matt(NHLhockeyplayerwantsself-respect),119–21meditation,221–22merry-go-roundeffect,90–91,209,211MexicanAmericanassumedtobethegardener,126Michael(realestateprofessional),110–11Milton,John,108mindsetsoverview,218–19,226–27BringItOn!,227fixedvs.growth,36,229IBelieveICanChange!,228ILovetoPlay!,227–28I’maCreativeForce!,227I’mReadyforAnything!,227IWonderWhatWillHappen!,228ofMonroe,Marilyn,218Wowvs.OwMindset,35–36

missionsallies,224–26quests,219–23SeealsopowerofamissionMitch(WallStreetmavenwithJewishgrandmaasAlterEgo),171–73,196–97

Moana(movie),109,150MomentsofImpactoverview,5,64–65andActionLayerinFieldofPlayModel,28–29AlterEgosfor,44–45forcloudstoragemanageratatechcompany,59–64forcreativeagencyowner,64–65,67,137evaluatingyourAlterEgo’sperformance,159–63magnifyingsomecharacteristicsandminimizingothers,102MexicanAmericanassumedtobethegardener,126preparingforcompetence,53recognizingyour,66–69Superpowersfor,134–35,136–38targetmapping,60–64Totemaspreparationfor,189–90unconsciouscompetencein,193utilizingimagination,109–10

Monroe,Marilyn,218“MoreOf”bridgeinFiveBridgesframework,63,112–15motivationaltruismascoremotivator,122–23destinyascoremotivator,122–23

emotionsas,122–28emotionsdrivingactions,98,121–22,189theFiveWhysforuncoveringyour,128–30negativeandpositiveemotions,35–36,37–39,125self-expressionascoremotivator,122–24traumaascoremotivator,78–79,122–23asX-factor,122SeealsoCoreDriversLayerinFieldofPlayModel;powerofamissionMoyers,Bill,229

Murphy,Mike“theMagnet,”139Myers,Mike,12

namingtheenemy,92–94namingyourAlterEgo,149–53,173NativeAmericansasAlterEgos,17,142–43,201Geronimo,142–43SittingBull,201

NCIS(CBSshow),202nerddefense,20networkingintrovertsand,98asMomentofImpact,68

NewYorkCity,59NHLhockeyplayerwantsself-respect,119–21Nietzsche,Friedrich,79Nordicbiathlete,175–76

objectswithsignificantimportance,185–86ObserverTechniqueforaddingdepthtoyourAlterEgo,158Ohno,Taiichi,128OlympicathletesandAlterEgoEffect,32channelingrageduringcompetition,93–94focusduringcompetition,108–9motivations,127Nordicbiathlete,175–76Olympic-hopefulswimmer,21–22

OrdinaryWorldinFieldofPlayModeloverview,34–40,46–48comparingAlterEgoinExtraordinaryWorldtoyouinOrdinaryWorld,159–61identifyingyourchallenges,49–50OrdinaryWorldasOwMindset,35–36what’snothappeningin,54whenAlterEgosandTotemsaretoochildishforyou,204

“OurGrandmothers”(Angelou),167

Payton,Walter,17,142–43,201Penelope’s,Manhattan,70–71performancebecomingasnaturalasbreathing,192–94developingstrategiesfor,7

emotionsdriving,189evaluatingyourAlterEgo’sperformance,159–63

personaltraumaasHiddenForceoftheEnemy,78–79Petersen,Christopher,39phoneboothmoment.SeeMomentsofImpactPinker,Steven,121–22placeboeffect,190planeswelivein(thinking,feeling,doing,experiencing),55playfulattitudemindset,227–28powerofamissionaugmentingwithalliesandquests,219–26andCoreDrivers,124–28andemotionalmotivation,122–28NHLhockeyplayerwantsself-respect,119–21problemsolvingwiththeFiveWhys,128–30andpullofExtraordinaryWorld,121–22andTotems,187–89

PowerofMyth(documentary),229powerofsymbolicmeaning,183–87,197–98powerofyourstoryArmycolonel’sproblemswithhisfamily,95–96,189–90entrepreneurasatotalstarter,nonfinisher,101–2humansasstorytellingmachines,96–97storiesasmarketingtechnique,98–99SeealsoHeroicOriginStories“PrivateSpeechinAdolescents”(Adolescence),89–90

publicspeaking,67,75–76

QuestsandAdventuresthecoffeeshop,219–21crossingtheThreshold,229–31thenumberfocusgame,221–22playagame,222–23

Rachel(tennisstarblowingmatches),70–71,83–85,208–10ReebokSportsClub,Manhattan,6resiliency,testingyour,223Resonate(Duarte),64ResponseProclamationaspectofGroundPunchdelivery,212–17Rock,Chris,7RockyIII(movie),207Rohn,Jim,105–6Rowe,Mike,189–90Rowling,J.K.,177–78

seaturtleAlterEgo“Tortuga,”180–81SecretIdentities.SeeAlterEgoself-distancingtechnique,130–31self-expansiveactivation,36self-reflectionparadox,130–31self-suppressing,19self-suppressiveactivation,OwMindset,35–36Seligman,Martin,39

Shaun(cloudstoragemanageratatechcompany),59–64Shurtleff,Michael,42Sinatra,Frank,161SittingBull,16–17,201skiing,108–9Slovis,Harry,20spearingfishintheocean,143–44Spider-Man,134“Start”bridgeinFiveBridgesframework,112–16StarWars(movies),229Stein,Robert,218“Stop”bridgeinFiveBridgesframework,68–69,85–86storytellingmachines,humanbeingsas,96–97stutteringovercomewithalterego,18Superman(comicbooksandmovies),2–4,34,188Supermensch:TheLegendofShepGordon(documentary),12Superpowersactivatingyourcreativepower,38–39,190activatingyoursuperpower,203ofanimals,137,180–81,198buildingyourAlterEgo’sSuperpowers,136–42callingforthyourHeroicSelfand,191–94choosingsomeoneorsomethingyouadmire,138–40definingwithAlterEgo,43–44identifyingwhat’sneededduringMomentsofImpact,134–35,136–38practicingwith,219–23SeealsoTotems

swimmer,Olympichopeful,withadifferentversionofherself,21–22symbolicmeaning,183–87,197–98.SeealsoTotemsorArtifactstargetmapping,60–64Ted(Honduranimmigrant)“CatrachoSpearo,”143testsandtrials,207–8,210.SeealsoGroundPunchdeliverythoughtsofyourAlterEgos,165Threshold,the,229–31Tim(baseballplayingyouthmentoredbyHerman),154–57toolsimaginationas,92“innergame”toolkit,22–23,41optimizingoracceptingasis,63–64problemsolvingwiththeFiveWhys,128–30self-distancingtechnique,130–31SeealsoAlterEgos

TotemsorArtifactsoverview,193“AlterEgoXPills”assignaltoactivateyourAlterEgo,202availabilityof,198–98forcallingforthyourSuperpowersandHeroicSelf,191–94choosingyour,197–200Churchill’s,182formulaforapowerfulTotem,187–89glasses,20–21,41,182–83,185,187–89,239n5(Chpt.2)King,MartinLuther,Jr.,182–83forproducingoutstandingresults,189–90

protectingtheefficacyof,200–201somethingconnectedtotheFieldofPlay,197somethingyoucarrywithyouas,195–97somethingyouwearas,195symbolicmeaning,183–87,197–98unitingyourAlterEgo,FieldofPlay,and,202–6Seealsoglasses

Toyoda,Sakichi,128tradingandbrokeragecompanyexecutive,50–53TrappedSelfoverview,4,86inOrdinaryWorld,37–38asOwMindset,35–36SeealsoEnemy,the

traumaticevents,effectof,78–79,122–23tribalnarrativesasHiddenForceoftheEnemy,78,80–86,97trust,valueof,ix–x

unconsciouscompetence,193unconsciousincompetence,193UniversityofMinnesotastudyofchildrenusingalteregos,33–34Up(movie),168–70U.S.Armycolonel’sproblemswithhisfamily,95–96,189–90

valuesofyourAlterEgo,164–65venturecapitalists(VCs),76–77

“WhatdoIwant?”question,110–16“Whodoyouthinkyouare?”questionresponse,213–14,216–17Winfrey,Oprah,19,123,124,166–67WiredforStory(Kron),97womanwantstobelistenedto,53–54WonderWoman,123,124,133,187WonderWoman(movie),208,230workingbackward(targetmapping),60–64WowMindsetinFieldofPlayModel,36

Zach“TasmanianDevil,”135–36ZivaDavid(fictionalcharacterinNCIS),202

AbouttheAuthor

TODDHERMAN isahigh-performancecoachandmentalgamestrategistforambitious entrepreneurs, athletes, and leaders who want to achieve wildlyoutrageous goals. He’s helped clients reach the Olympic podium, buildmultimillion-dollar companies, and establish brands that have becomeinternationallyknown.He’sownedhissportssciencetrainingcompanyforovertwentyyears,andhissignatureperformancesystem,the90DayYear,hasbeennamed the world’s top leadership and skill development program—twice! HedodgestaxisinNewYorkCitywhereheliveswithhiswife,Valerie;twogirls,MollyandSophie;andonelittleguy,Charlie.Heiscurrentlytheworld’sworstukuleleplayer,butworkingonit.

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Copyright

THEALTEREGOEFFECT.Copyright©2019byToddHerman.AllrightsreservedunderInternationalandPan-AmericanCopyrightConventions.By payment of the required fees, you have been granted thenonexclusive,nontransferablerighttoaccessandreadthetextofthise-bookon-screen.Nopartofthistextmaybe reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introducedinto any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by anymeans, whether electronic ormechanical,nowknownorhereafterinvented,withouttheexpresswrittenpermissionofHarperCollinse-books.

FIRSTEDITION

CoverdesignbyAndreaGuinnCoverphotograph©am2photo/GettyImagesDigitalEditionFEBRUARY2019ISBN:978-0-06283867-4Version01072019PrintISBN:978-0-06-283863-6

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