THE BIG BANG THEORYEPISODE: THE BIGGEST BANGEST THEOREM

Written by

Mickey Ell$worth Allen

A Speculation Script for America's #1 Comedy on America's Most Watched Network

INT. LEONARD & SHELDON’S APARTMENT - DAY

SHELDON is standing in his living room cleaning an action figure or maybe a calculator. You know what, make it a telescope.

PENNY enters, dressed in what is the least amount of clothes permitted on broadcast television.

The crowd whoops and hollers.

The actors wait for this to die down.

PENNYDoes this outfit look professional?

SHELDONWell that depends...........

The crowd is almost bursting with anticipation for the punchline. Faint chuckles can even be heard from a few audience members overjoyed by the mere set up.

SHELDON (CONT’D)It is if your profession is being a prostitute.

The crowd unleashes an explosion of laughter, lasting at least 6 seconds.

The actors all but bow, soaking up the reaction. There’s a distinct sparkle in SHELDON’s eye, not unlike the sparkle of an Emmy award.

PENNYOh Sheldon. Is Leonard here?

SHELDONNo, he’s not here.

PENNYWhen will he be home?

SHELDONHe’s home right now! He’s just not right here

Sheldon points directly down as he says it, he then points to LEONARD’S DOOR

SHELDON (CONT’D)He’s over there!

The crowd simply loses their God damn minds again. Funny stuff.

SHELDON (CONT’D)Do you want me to get him?

PENNYNo, I ca-

SHELDON (As loud as he possibly can. It’s very alarming how loud he is) LEONARD GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW IT’S AN EMERGENCY!

The crowd laughs, but more of like a nervous tic type of laugh.

No one addresses how strange that was, they just move on.

LEONARD enters through his door.

LEONARDHey guys!

The crowd cheers his entrance for a solid 8 minutes. None of it gets edited out.

PENNYI need your help with some math or some equation who cares

RAJ and the other nerd enter, what’s his name? Howard? Yeah, HOWARD enters too.

RAJ AND HOWARD (IN UNISON)Hey guys!

There’s a couple cheers from the crowd and some laughs for some reason.

RAJIs Leonard here I need help with some math?

LEONARDI’m right here.

SHELDONYou mean right “there”

Sheldon points again and the crowd loves it. God, they love it so much.

2.

Howard is just standing in the corner.

He’s not sure if he was supposed to be in this scene.

LEONARDI’m willing to help you all I just don’t know if there’s enough time!

SHELDONMaybe you should give Edward Page Mitchell a call.

The crowd laughs a little. They don’t really get the reference, but it had the cadence of a joke and Sheldon is funny! Probably about time travel, right? Funny stuff.

LEONARDLook guys, I’d love to help but I’m late for my math event that is happening now! And I need someone to help me with my math!

RAJWhy don’t you take Howard with you?

LEONARDWho the fuck is Howard? Oh. Right, that’s this guy?

He points at HOWARD. He forgot the character’s name

The crowd is silent and confused. Some assume it’s a blooper, but it makes it into the broadcast.

LEONARD (CONT’D)Ok, me and Howard will do that. Isn’t that right, Howard?

He’s saying the name a lot now in hopes that he’ll remember it, but it’s tough when you’re drunk.

LEONARD and HOWARD exit. Howard uses the door, but Leonard just wanders off the sound stage towards the audience.

RAJThose two are always making trouble

SHELDONI think you mean The Parker Brothers made “Trouble”

3.

The crowd erupts in laughter. They’ve heard of that game!

LEONARD can be heard yelling at craft services in the background.

RAJWell, I’d love to chat about board games all day, but I have a math equation that needs to be solved.

SHELDONHere’s a math equation: you plus this conversation equals boredom.

The crowd is screaming with laughter. A few audience members vomit, they’re laughing so hard.

At this point someone just comes out and hands SHELDON an Oscar. It’s not even the right award for TV but who cares anymore.

Jim Parsons just starts giving an acceptance speech that lasts the rest of the episode. He does the speech in character- wait no, that’s his normal speaking voice? Who cares.

Roll credits I guess.

4.