that makes a house a ome - mother to mother

That Makes a House a Home It isn’t curtains starched and fine Nor windows shining clean, Expensive paintings on the walls That catch the sunlight’s gleam, Nor furniture so new and grand, The many things you own, For not a single one of these Can make a house a home. It matters not a speck of dust, To real folks this won’t count, Nor that you have the worldly things In any large amount, A house can never be a home However hard you try, Unless the welcome’s friendly there – A twinkle in your eye.

It takes a handshake firm and true, A greeting warm and gay, An air of love and happiness As we would go our way. ‘Tis these that make a house a home Though worldly things are few, And folks will always come again But just because of you. A house can never be a home However long we live, Unless it’s filled with friendliness With laughter we can give, Whatever else we chance to have, How much we gain or own, ‘Tis only people real and true That make a house a home.

- Garnett Ann Schultz

Hello… I Samuel 1: 27, 28a

For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition

which I asked of him:

Therefore also I have lent him to the LORD; as long as he liveth he

shall be lent to the LORD.

The dearest desire of Hannah’s mother heart was fulfilled when baby Samuel

was born. Her natural reaction would have been to clutch him tightly and

keep him near her. After all, the things that we need to wait and long for are

more precious than those that come with little effort. But Hannah was wiser

than many mothers; she remembered that this little boy was God’s before he

was hers. No doubt it brought a pang of sorrow to leave young,

impressionable Samuel in faraway Shiloh with lackadaisical Eli and his

unscrupulous sons. But God was faithful and Hannah’s sacrifice was not in

vain. Through her, Israel gained a great spiritual leader to lead them through

tumultuous times to a closer walk with God. What great things might God do

with our children, if we willingly lent them to Him?

Thanks again to all who contributed to this month’s Mother to Mother. And

just a little nudge to the many of you who are out there, enjoying the efforts

of the rest….we welcome your input, too! The subscriber numbers keep

rising, but somehow the contributions aren’t keeping pace. And I understand.

With gardening and canning and getting ready to send the children back to

school, the hours in a day are hardly long enough. But just remember,

without your help, there will be no Mother to Mother!

For those of you who are new to this newsletter – everyone is welcome to

send in questions and answers, recipes and poems. Glenn and I are the

editors and compilers – not the chief scribes! Now that that’s clear, let’s hear

from a whole lot of you the next time.

Glenn & Mary Beth Martin

7 County Road

Huntington, MA 01050-9612

Phone & Fax: (413) 667-5227

Email: [email protected]

Mother to Mother is intended to be a forum of Christian mothers to address various issues they face in everyday life. It is not intended to dictate the policy in individual homes, but rather to generate a discussion that can encourage and bless those involved.

mailto:[email protected]

You Ask, You Answer…

My husband’s family is more gracious with others’ differences than mine,

so I will share some observations from our homes. To enjoy discussing

people quickly deteriorates into becoming criticism or mockery. How

much do we mentally review others’ peculiarities or idiosyncrasies? It can

become a habit to find humor at this source. Naturally these thoughts soon

tumble over our tongues if they are in our minds. We should be hearing

when our children begin conversations about how so-and-so laughs,

waves, or leads songs and curb lengthy discussions like that, especially if

roaring laughter is accompanying the words. Can we afford to mock what

the Potter has made, such as receding hairlines (remember Elisha?) or

stature?

We need to view a hedge around ourselves and our families. What

happens within our hedge is for us to decide. What happens within our

neighbor’s hedges is really not for us to dig through, laugh about, mock,

or long for. We may raise a ________ family (you fill in: clean, well-

organized, highly efficient, conservative, etc.), but if they are critical,

what have we really gained? Let us help ourselves and our children to

eliminate unkind thinking and talking, and when we do need to say

something about a negative or distasteful matter, to remain respectful. It is

a life-long work. - Texas

The principle that helps us form our comments and corrections at such

times is respect for others. Disrespect can be a “caught, not taught” trait in

our children, but it can also crop up as a fresh weed. Whatever its source

may be, we need to direct them in a matter-of-fact way. We could say,

“That is what works best for their family, but this is how we decided we

shall do.” Or, “Maybe others think we do some unusual things, too.” And

then move on. Don’t let your children’s talk degenerate into a comparing

session. I think this can help us when they are older and look at others

with a “why can’t we?” attitude. - Georgia

Question : What are some guidelines in helping our young children

relate to peer pressure, others’ family rules, etc. without being critics or

“better than thou”? For example, my children need bathed almost daily

due to a sensitive nose in the house. So recently my 8-year-old daughter

said of her friend, “They bath only once a week; they must stink!”

Do you speak kindly and respectfully of others when your ideas are

different than theirs? That is number one. Then it takes some diligent

teaching as they grow, about accepting family rules while still respecting

others, and also about considering how easily their words can hurt others.

I have found this hard to teach my children. Isn’t it natural for us humans

when we differ to either be proud or ashamed? Oh, to be emptied of self

and to have the mind of Christ! - Utah

Remind your children that likely your family does some things that other

families would think is strange and that God did not make everyone alike.

Mention that not every family has the same rules, but that does not make

either family better than the other one. Help them to see the “other side” –

some possible reasons why others do differently than you do. And be a

good example in your comments about others! - New Jersey

You can’t do that every time or they will feel there is a margin to take

advantage of – “It’s okay this time and she might say the same thing next

time.” Swift punishment keeps us from trying to negotiate obedience.

There are times to warn a child that a new misbehavior, if repeated, will

not do. And there are times to have a no-tolerance level. - Georgia

I feel it would have been better if I had done less of that. Aren’t we

usually hoping for an easier way out when we say that? Our goal is the

kind of joyful obedience that doesn’t need that kind of prompting. - Utah

Question : How do you feel about telling a child, “If you do that

again, I’m going to punish you” (with plans to carry it through)? It can

bring the desired results, but is that threatening the child and just as bad

as bribing him into obedience?

I don’t know if I will ever reach a “veteran” level, no matter how long we

serve. Some things become normal, but there are always new areas to

reach for God’s help. When our husbands are “away”, behind the study

door, we need a free-will attitude. He is doing the Lord’s work and we do

not want to hinder him or become yet another burden to him. Our children

can sense our feelings. Right feelings can only help our mothering to go

smoother. Of course, share with him the family needs that only he can fill.

I thought these things were easier when the boys were small and I could

keep them busy myself than when they were older and needed supervision

in the business work. Then my husband felt torn between his church work

and fathering many, many times. Maybe this quote fits as you make these

adjustments: “If you cannot realize your ideal, idealize your real.” - State withheld

Yes, I have been there. Dare I give advice? I will, even if I fail in these

areas and have struggled to learn and re-learn them. I wish you a beautiful

relationship and a happy home even if your husband is ordained. Some

thoughts for you…..

1. We all need thankful hearts. Oh, we’re so much happier when

we’re delighted and happy about the things we have rather than thinking

about what we wish was different. God has not promised a “normal”

marriage with a “normal” amount of time to do things with our husbands.

God is not cheating you when your husband is busy in the evenings.

Neither is He cheating your children. He has called women to go through

much harder things than having a faithful husband in his study. Many

godly women have had their husband imprisoned or martyred. Some

suffer because their husbands are unfaithful or living in sin. Some mothers

do not have enough to feed their children. Some are widows. Your lot is a

happy one. Thank God every day.

2. Draw close to God and consistently choose His way over your

own. Consciously choose a life of self-denial rather than selfishness. The

joy of the Lord will be your strength.

Question : My husband has been called of God to be a minister. I

accept his calling and want to give him my full support and the freedom

he needs to serve the Lord and the church. How much dare I remind him

that his children and wife need him too? He is by nature more quiet and

studious and can easily spend all evening in his study if he’s at home. Are

there any others who are veterans of this kind of family life who can give

me some words of wisdom?

3. Turn self-pity away when it comes knocking. We have much

responsibility and we cannot afford self-pity. It saps strength and leaves

us limp and worn out. It places us under loads we were not meant to carry.

When I indulge in it I lose the joy in my heart and the children tend to be

irritable even if I’m trying to act cheerful. And next I find myself

snapping at them and losing my good judgment.

4. Even if your attitude is great and your trust is in the Lord, you

will reach the end of your strength sometimes. This is good for us too. It

helps keep us humble. I sometimes feel like a dried-up well with nothing

at all left to offer anyone else. I feel like I’m on the edge of some cliff and

I’m hanging on and losing strength. Don’t hint or whine to your husband.

Simply tell him that you need him, and ask if there’s some way time

together can be arranged. Then have the things ready that you wanted to

ask him about. If it is not possible to spend time with him just yet, maybe

you can talk to a faithful sister. Hang on. God knows your needs and He

will see you through. If possible, plan a slower day and take the time to do

something with your children, and to enjoy the little things. Look into

their eyes. Give a smile and a hug. Watch the birds at the feeder, read to

them, and get down and play farm awhile. Thank God for something. Try

not to set high goals that put you under unnecessary pressure.

5. If he hasn’t found time for YOU, try to find time for HIM. Can

you drop what you’re doing when he has a minute? Could you take him a

drink on a hot day? Sometimes when I feel we haven’t seen much of him

for awhile, I find out where he’s working and take the children to see him,

or I see if it will suit him to take us along on a delivery or errand to town.

Never be insistent about these ideas, but usually something works out

eventually.

6. Remember that your husband does not have to have evenings at

home to be a wonderful husband and father. I’ve simply given up the

family evening idea. That way when it happens, I can revel in the joy of it,

rather than being upset when it doesn’t. I plan the evenings for myself and

the children. He plans his. And we’ve found other times to be together.

My husband is an early riser and he plans the mornings. Several years ago

I started getting up earlier so I could spend quiet time with him before the

children get up. I just love it. It’s hard for me to get awake but we sit in

front of the stove and have a hot drink and have our devotions together. I

can ask him anything that’s been on my mind and he can tell me things

he’s observing about the children that concern him. By the time I must

move on, I feel ready to face the day. It’s been wonderful for our

relationship. And can you plan your schedule so all your children are up

for breakfast and family worship? These are special family times, too, and

get the day off to a good start. Soak them up. Remember too, that your

children will likely get in on some different things simply because your

husband is ordained, like preaching assignments turned into family trips.

My husband puts forth effort to include his children in his life in various

ways. I simply do not believe that my children are deprived.

7. Strive to have that kind of relationship with your husband that

will make it easy to start right where you left off when you do have time

together. Support his wishes when he’s gone. Be interested in what he’s

doing and go ahead and admire him. Do you know how to visit with a

man? Listen with interest but don’t advise him as man to man. I had a

hard time learning this, but I am finding that listening to (instead of

talking at) my husband can be very rewarding. What a joy, when after

years I sense that he’s seeking time with me because he wants to talk to

me and he needs me, not just because he knows he should spend time with

his wife.

8. Pray about your situation. God doesn’t ask you as a wife to see to

it that your husband has his priorities right, but He is faithful and He will

lead your husband, sometimes through other brethren. - State withheld

Perhaps you and your husband can set up a certain routine…one evening

a week is “family night” with an activity you can all do together. Or, set

aside a shorter time with your husband relating to the children – reading a

story, or some other activity, and do it several evenings a week. And a

routine I liked – after the children are in bed set aside just 15 minutes (or

whatever) for just the two of you to communicate (over a cup of tea, if

you wish!). You can do a lot to help the children accept those times when

meetings and phone calls interrupt your routines or special plans by being

cheerful and not complaining. But your minister husband is still a husband

and a father, so give some loving suggestions and continue to pray for

him. - State withheld

“Treasure every moment that you have. And

treasure it more because you shared it with

someone special. Remember that time waits

for no one. Yesterday is history, tomorrow a

mystery. Today is a gift ... that's why it's

called the present.”

I think most godly wives will tell you that as a rule there are not sweet,

kind ways to change your husband. It may seem more like a manipulating

woman to him. Usually it is kind and right to simply tell him that his habit

bothers you and makes it unhandy for you, then let it, whether he changes

or not. Accept him and respect him, imperfections and all. Try to decide

(without anger or self-pity in your heart) how God would have you

respond to the situation. Get up before he does? Do some chores the night

before? Pray about it. We cannot change others but there is a right way to

respond to every situation. - Utah

How about setting the alarm clock ahead 10 or 15 minutes?

- New Jersey

A godly husband should not wish to so inconvenience his wife and family

on a regular basis. So assuming that your husband is a godly, considerate

man who has his flat sides (as we all do), here are a few suggestions:

There is nothing wrong with you giving him a gentle shake or prod or

whatever it takes to get his attention and matter-of-factly tell him, “Time

to get up! It’s 7:00!” Pull off the covers or turn on the lights. No, don’t

literally roll him out of bed, but remind him that time is moving on while

he slumbers and it waits for no man, not even a sleeping one. Yes, you

need to keep good attitudes about it all and a sense of humor, if you can.

The above scenario can be done in right or wrong ways. Much depends on

your attitude and tone of voice. - Massachusetts

Question : What are some sweet, kind ways to help a husband hear his

alarm clock? If he wants to play the snooze-alarm game, then does his

neglect become his wife’s emergency for morning chores?

With one of our intense children, we found it helpful to talk to them prior

to an activity, explaining what was to happen and how they will fit in, etc.

There is a part where I need to accept that this child is intense and

excitable. We can direct and guide and train, but we can’t make a

personality change. Try to stay calm as a mother and hold their hand

during an exciting time. Enter into their joys and show them how to “be

joyful, but quietly”! - Texas

I think I’m slowly learning that it takes a calm mother to calm a child.

Yelling, “Calm down!” above the din doesn’t work! I like to take my hot

rod and hold him a bit and talk quietly to him and maybe smooth his hair

or rub his back a little. Then I often tell him I want him to stay with me

until he’s feeling really calm inside. He decides he’s calm pretty fast! - Utah

Help Others

If any little word of mine

May make a life the brighter, If any little song of mine

May make a heart the lighter, God, help me speak that little word

And take my bit of singing, And drop it in some lonely vale,

To set the echoes ringing.

If any little care of mine

May make a friend’s the fleeter, If any lift of mine may ease

The burden of another, God, give me love and care and

strength To help my toiling brother.

Question : How do you best teach calmness or self-control to a child?

Our preschool son can be so “wild” when he’s excited – racing excitedly

through the house, emitting periodic shrill screeches and so on. He’s not

being bad, necessarily – just so excited he can’t contain himself, whether

it’s about company that’s arrived, his daddy coming home, or an exciting

game. And no, he’s not a “special needs” child, either!

New Questions…

1. Quite frequently when we tell our children to do something, they ask,

“Why?” It doesn’t seem like a rebellious question, but is this something

we should be allowing? We don’t want to demand mindless subservience,

either. What are your thoughts?

2. What are some things we as young parents can do to help ensure our

children will “turn out” right? I’m burdened when I see older godly

parents who appear to be doing everything right, yet some of their

children are throwing away what they’ve been taught and living in sin. I

shudder to think that this could someday be us. What can we do while our

children are young to avoid this tragedy?

3. How do you teach young children to obey, anyway? I know this sounds so

simple and basic. But our 1½ year old daughter is a hard one to train, or

else we’re missing it somewhere. If we say, “Come” and she doesn’t

come, and we chase after her, she takes it as a game and runs all the faster.

A spanking or scolding afterward hasn’t seemed to convince her yet that

it’s not a game. Do we just need to give it more time and persistence, or

are there some better ways of getting the point across?

4. What are some “household management” tips that the seasoned mothers

can share with us younger beginners? Sometimes it’s hard to reach around

to all that should be done in a day. How did you do it?

5. At what point do we determine to train right behavior versus to make

disobedience impossible? For example, should I teach my young child to

stay out of the cupboard, or take a far simpler method of locking it? If

training is the way, what about safety concerns? If we just teach them to

avoid the matches, the consequences are quite high if they disobey. Is

there any guide to go by in determining things like this?

Five Loaves

She never dreamed that day that as she kneaded And punched her warm, soft dough with healthy zest,

Shook back a wisp of hair, and paused a moment, Panting a bit, to take a little rest…

She never dreamed as deftly she divided The leavened lump and put it on the pans,

Then placed them on the warming-shelf for rising And scraped the residue from off her hands…

She never dreamed the while they were a-baking, That from those little loaves of home-made bread,

When, given to the hands of Christ the Master, Thousands of hungry people would be fed. Plain flour and yeast, a homely duty done,

A lad, a picnic lunch beside the sea – Such common things. She never dreamed…but then,

Neither do we. - Margaret Penner Toews

Across My Kitchen

Table…

Try one of these time-saving meals in

your Crock-pot the next time you don’t

have much time to spend in the

kitchen! Autumn is almost here. And

what says “autumn” better than

pumpkins? For next time, send in your favorite pumpkin and squash recipes.

Chicken and Rice Casserole 1 cup long-grain rice

3 cups water

2 tsp. chicken bouillon granules 1 (10¾ oz.) can cream of chicken soup

1 (16 oz.) bag frozen broccoli

2 cups chopped cooked chicken

¼ tsp. garlic powder

1 tsp. onion salt

1 cup grated cheddar cheese

Combine all ingredients in slow cooker. Cook on high 3 - 4 hours. If casserole is too

runny, remove lid from slow cooker for 15 minutes while continuing to cook on high.

Serves 6-8. - Jenelle Sensenig, TX

Good Potatoes 6 raw potatoes, sliced

¼ cup butter

¼ cup onion, chopped

1 tsp. prepared mustard

1 tsp. salt

¼ tsp. pepper

1 cup shredded cheese

½ cup milk

Place potatoes in Crock-pot. Combine remaining ingredients in a kettle and melt

together. Pour over potatoes. Heat on high for 3-4 hours.

- Bethany Shertzer, PA

Roast and Veggies Place a roast (thawed) in the Crock-pot Saturday night and heat all night on low. Add

½ - 1 cup water and seasonings or just barbecue sauce. Next morning add potatoes,

beans or carrots, if you wish. If veggies are finished before leaving for church, turn

off Crock-pot and cover with a heavy towel. I don’t feel like I’m a pro at Crock-pot

use, though I use it a lot. I guess I usually just adapt recipes to put in the Crock-pot.

One of my favorite ways to use a Crock-pot is Sunday while at church. I don’t like to

heat up the house with oven use.

- Crystal Steiner, TX

Lasagna 1 lb. ground beef

1 medium onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 (29 oz.) can tomato sauce

1 cup water

1 (6 oz.) can tomato paste

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp. dried oregano

1 (8 oz.) pkg. lasagna noodles,

uncooked

4 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

1½ cups cottage cheese

½ cup Parmesan cheese

Cook beef, onion, and garlic together; drain. Stir in tomato sauce, water, tomato

paste, salt, and oregano. Mix well. Spread one-fourth of meat sauce in ungreased

slow cooker. Arrange one third of noodles over sauce. Combine the cheeses. Spoon

one-third of mixture over noodles. Repeat layers twice. Top with remaining meat

sauce. Cover. Cook on low 4 – 5 hours. Serves 6-8. - Jenelle Sensenig, TX

Gourmet Potatoes 6 medium potatoes

2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

¼ cup melted butter

1 cup sour cream

1¼ tsp. salt

1/8 tsp. pepper

½ cup milk

½ cup chopped onion

Cook, peel and shred potatoes. Mix potatoes and cheese. Combine remaining

ingredients and mix with potatoes. This mixture will be very thick. Add more milk as

necessary. Bake 30 minutes at 350 or heat in Crock-pot. I like to multiply this recipe

and use it for Sunday dinner guests. Heat it on low all morning and it’s ready when

you get home from church.

- Judith Martin, PA

Slow Cooker Pizza 1½ lbs. ground beef or sausage

1 medium onion, chopped

1 green pepper, chopped

Half a box rigatoni, cooked

1 (7 oz.) jar sliced mushrooms,

drained

3 oz. sliced pepperoni

1 (16 oz.) jar pizza sauce

10 oz. mozzarella cheese, shredded

10 oz. cheddar cheese, shredded

Brown ground beef and onion in saucepan. Drain. Mix all ingredients in Crock-pot.

Cook on low 3 - 4 hours. Keep rigatoni covered with sauce so they don't become dry

and crunchy. Serves 6-8.

- Jenelle Sensenig, TX

Savory Beef Roast 3-4 lb. roast

1 onion

1 can cream of mushroom soup

½ cup water

¼ cup sugar

¼ cup vinegar

2 tsp. salt

1 tsp. mustard

1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce

Place roast in Crock-pot. Add chopped onion. Blend together remaining ingredients

and pour over meat. Cook on low for 12 hours or until tender. I like to start this at

bedtime Saturday night. On Sunday morning I add potatoes and carrots, turn it on

high till we leave for church, and then turn it to low when we leave. Come home from

church to a delicious lunch!

- Mary Beth Martin, MA

Awfully Easy Barbecued Ribs

3 - 4 lbs spareribs

½ tsp. salt, optional

½ tsp. pepper, optional

2 onions, sliced

16-24 oz. barbecue sauce

(depending how saucy you like it)

Brown ribs under broiler. Slice into serving size pieces, season, and place in slow

cooker. Add onions and barbecue sauce. Cover. Cook on low 6 hours. Serves 4-6.

These are good served with baked beans and corn on the cob! Instead of broiling the

ribs, place them in the slow cooker with other ingredients and cook on high 1 hour.

Turn to low and cook 8 more hours.


Delicious Bread Pudding 8 cups cubed bread

2 cups milk

4 large eggs

¾ cup sugar

1/3 cup brown sugar

¼ cup butter, melted

1 tsp. vanilla

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 cup pecans, chopped (optional)

Place cubed bread in sprayed slow cooker. In a bowl, combine remaining ingredients

except pecans; beat until smooth. Add pecans and pour over cubed bread. Cover and

cook on low for 3 hours. Serve with whipped topping. I’ve also used this recipe to

make bread filling: Eliminate the sugars, vanilla and cinnamon. Add chopped onion,

salt and poultry seasoning instead, or whatever seasonings you prefer.

- Miriam Weaver, NJ

Waldorf Astoria Stew 3 lb. beef roast, cubed

2 cups carrots, sliced

4 medium potatoes, diced

1 medium onion, sliced

1 cup celery

3 Tbsp. quick-cooking tapioca

1 Tbsp. salt

½ tsp. pepper

1 (10 ¾ oz.) can tomato sauce

1/3 cup water

1 Tbsp. sugar

Combine beef and vegetables in slow cooker. Sprinkle with tapioca, salt, and pepper.

Combine tomato sauce and water. Pour over ingredients in slow cooker. Sprinkle

with brown sugar. Cover. Cook on low 7-9 hours. Serves 6-8. A lot of these recipes I

got from the Fix-It and Forget-It Cookbook. If you are interested, it is probably well

worth your while to get one. A little experimenting and you can convert a lot of

recipes to the Crock-pot. "High" on most slow cookers is approx. 300*F. "Low" is

approx. 200*F. To keep potatoes from turning dark, slice them, then stir a mixture of

1 cup water and 1/2 tsp. cream of tartar into them. Drain, and then put them in the

cooker and proceed with the recipe.


Extra! For an extra-special dessert to cool off with after a hot day, try this

refreshing recipe. It’s lip-smacking good!

Banana Split Dessert

3 bananas

½ gallon ice cream

1 cup chopped walnuts

1 cup chocolate chips

½ cup butter

2 cups powdered sugar

1½ cups evaporated milk

1 tsp. vanilla

1 pint Cool Whip

1½ cups graham

cracker crumbs

¼ cup sugar

¼ cup melted

butter

Mix graham cracker crumbs, sugar and ¼ cup melted butter.

Pat into an 11 x 15 inch pan, reserving 1 cup for topping. Slice bananas

cross-wise and lay over crust. Slice ice cream in ½ inch slices and lay over

bananas. Sprinkle with walnuts and freeze till firm. Melt chocolate chips and

½ cup butter and add powdered sugar and evaporated milk. Cook mixture

until thick and creamy, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and add

vanilla. Cool, then spread over ice cream. Freeze till firm. Spread with Cool

Whip and top with reserved crumbs. Freeze. Remove from freezer 10

minutes before serving. Will keep several weeks. Serves 25. Delicious! - Carol Steiner, OH

Day’s End

Mother has come to the end of her day A great deal more blessed, and a little more gray. Such earthshaking wonders fill minutes and hours,

A scrawled crayon drawing, a bouquet of flowers, A kiss and a hug – though her patience wore thin, When small muddy feet brought the puppy dog in. Her task is God-given, she works for the Lord;

Because she has children she has her reward. But, oh, it’s not easy whate’er the delight

To keep up with children from morning till night. And so with bones sagging as night gathers deep, I thank the dear Father that children must sleep.

that makes a house a ome - mother to mother

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