student aspects, summer follow up, and the crucible evaluations. writing comments, improvements and...

Student Aspects, Summer Follow up, and

The Crucible evaluations.

Writing comments, improvementsand suggestions

Read and follow instructions!

It sounds simple, elementary even, but many student lose points by failing to follow the instructions.

General Writing Requirements for Miller’s English IIIA

• this is an advanced English class; work should be presented using correct grammar and solid writing skills

• essays and paragraphs should be titled

• write in third person (never use second unless in quotation; first is allowable only when noted)

• a paragraph needs a topic sentence; an essay needs a thesis statement

General Writing Requirements for Miller’s English IIIA continued

• discuss literature in the present tense

• when responding to a prompt regarding literature with a paragraph or essay, always introduce the author (full name) and title—later the author may be referred to by his last name

• titles of major works (like The Crucible) are italicized or underlined (in-class writing); minor works are placed in quotations

• avoid absolutes—always, never, etcetera

General Writing Requirements for Miller’s English IIIA continued

• do not write “I believe,” “I think,” “I feel,” etcetera—if a writer is sharing someone else’s ideas, parenthetical citation will give credit; otherwise all statements are considered the author’s

• what is written in English class (with very few exceptions) is formal—avoid contractions, symbols, and abbreviations

General Writing Requirements for Miller’s English IIIA

• write legibly—it’s wrong if Ms. Miller can’t make it out

• avoid careless errors—the title of the play should be spelled correctly—it’s on the test; ditto for characters’ names; do not call a play a novel, etcetera

Easy Grammatical Fixes• NEVER place a single comma

between a subject and its verb

• NEVER place a colon immediately after a be verb

Many rules of English grammar have exceptions: these do not—memorize them

Aspects of Literatureits’ is not a word

it’s = the contraction of it is

its = the possesive of it

Aspects of LiteratureUse present tense to discuss literature

as well as film and television.

Student error: “A plot-twist is an unforeseen sudden change in the plot of which the reader did not expect. Rod Sterling’s The Twilight Zone was notorious for including plot twists at the end of the episodes.

What is wrong?

Aspects of Literature“A plot-twist is an unforeseen sudden change in the

plot of which the reader did not expect. Rod Sterling’s The Twilight Zone was notorious for including plot twists at the end of the episodes.

Wording: “unforeseen sudden”

Past tense: “did not expect” and “was”

Improvement: Plot twists offer unforeseen changes. Notoriously, Rod Sterling’s The Twilight Zone includes plot twists to conclude episodes.

Aspects of Literature“There” statements:

Expletives are words or phrases which add nothing to sentences. The most commonly utilized expletives in student writing are there statements (there is, there are, there have been, there was, there were, etc.)

Aspects of Literature“There” statements continued

There statements weaken prose. Ridding papers of there statements offers the fastest way to strengthen weak writing.

Good news: it is fairly easy to rid writing of there statements.

Offer: anytime a student is writing in/for my class and can’t think of anything to write but a there statement, he should ask for help. I will help the student eliminate it and learn to do so himself


Student example “There are millions of books in the world, but only a select few are chosen to become part of the elite, the classics.”


“There are millions of books in the world, but only a select few are chosen to become part of the elite, the classics.”

Improvement: Despite millions of books world wide, only a select few find elite status: the classics.

Summer Follow UpRun-on sentences (r/o)

A major issue which shows up again and again in student writing is run-on sentences. In order to correct run-on sentences, students must understand dependent and independent clauses.

Summer Follow UpRun-on sentences cont.

Clauses

• Clause: a group of words with a subject and a verb

• Dependent (aka subordinate) clause: a clause that can’t stand alone as a sentence (contains a subject and a verb but not a complete thought)

• Independent clause: a clause that can stand alone as a sentence (complete thought)


Another aid in eliminating run-on sentences is an understanding of sentence types.


• Simple sentence: a sentence containing only one independent clause

• Compound sentence: a sentence containing two or more independent clauses


• Complex sentence: a sentence containing one independent clause and at least one dependent clause

• Compound/complex sentence: a sentence containing at least one dependent clause and two (or more) independent clauses

Summer Follow UpRun-on sentences—punctuating independent

clauses

Two independent clauses may be written as two separate sentences—utilize a period and a capital letter to correct.

Two independent clauses may be divided with a comma and a coordinating conjunction (and, but, so, etc.).

Two independent clauses may be separated by a semicolon.

Summer Follow UpRun-on sentences—punctuating independent

clauses

Two independent clauses may be separated by semicolon, a conjunctive adverb (however, therefore, moreover, nonetheless, etc.), and a comma.

• Two independent clauses may be separated by a colon if the first introduces a second clause which modifies the first. (This usage occurs infrequently—do not force!)

Summer Follow UpStudent example: “She doesn’t feel as if her

life is missing much, she doesn’t need all the comforts of Western society.”

What causes the run-on sentences above?

How can the error be corrected?


“She doesn’t feel as if her life is missing much, she doesn’t need all the comforts of Western society.”

“. . . much. She. . ..”

“. . . much, and she . . ..”

“. . . much; she . . ..”

“. . . much; moreover, she . . ..”

The Crucible EvaluationQuestion 7

Is The Crucible chiefly concerned with religion, morality, history, or justice? Select one and defend the selection with two-to-four sentences of logical support.

Question 7 - Student ResponseThis student receive 5/5 for the response.

The main concern of The Crucible is morality and the irony of what some people believe to be good morals. This is illustrated in the fact that people with the best morals are the ones that die for it because they refuse to lie after being accused. Also, the people who mistakenly have bad morals, such as the court, are the ones who condemn those with good morals.

Question 7 – Student ResponseWhat is good?

• Follows instructions

• Provides thoughtful and logical commentary

• Answers question

What could be improved?

• pronoun issues

• fewer be verbs; more action verbs

The Paragraphs

The instructions: select three of the following and discuss in a well-developed (approximately seven-to-twelve sentences), MLA formatted, third person, present tense paragraph.

The Paragraphs

A prompt

Identify and discuss a major irony in The Crucible.

Student Example

In Arthur Miller’s the Crucible, there are several examples of irony throughout the novel. Back in the late seventeenth century, people were very superstitious and the littlest thing out of the ordinary would raise confusion. Salem goes into ruins because no one is there to take care of anything. While trying to save Salem from witches, they ultimately lead to the ruin of their village. (continued next slide)

Student Example continuedWith liveston running amuck, rotting crops lay in the fields, and children left uncared for, Salem was left in a shadow of its former self. What they did to Salem was worse than what they were trying to protect it from.

What is good about this response?

What about this response needs improvement?

Student Example Positives

Some knowledge of history and play is demonstrated

Introduces title and author’s full name

Discusses an irony (although it is never labeled as such)

Student Example NegativesDiscusses literature in the past tense

Some questionable word choice

Comma splice

Run-on sentence

“there” statement

Ends paragraph with a preposition

Calls play a novel

Salem exists today, so the witch trials did not cause its ruin

Lack of clarity (“liveston”)?

Student ExampleOne major irony in The Crucible

reflects on Puritan values. A citizen may be openly accused of witchcraft with little or no proof. The courts have been created in such a way that somebody accused of witchcraft is nearly automatically sentenced to death. Escaping this fate is only possible by confessing to the crime, whether or not the “perpetrator” is guilty. (continued on next slide)

Student Example continuedThis means, for an innocent person, they must confess to being a witch/warlock to live. One would think the Puritans would wish to persecute confessed dealers with Satan, not free them! This ironic, religious value defines a crisis in The Crucible.

What is good here?

What here needs improvement?

Student Examples Positiveresponds to prompt (discusses an

irony)

follows instructions (7-12 sentences, present tense, third person)

seems knowledgeable about play and time period (Puritan community)

understands irony

clear and confident voice

Student Example Negativesno introduction of author

pronoun/antecedent agreement error

uses “one” to avoid first/second person

comma issues

occasional awkward wording

Underlining?

The ParagraphsSame instructions: select three of

the following and discuss in a well-developed (approximately seven-to-twelve sentences), MLA formatted, third person, present tense paragraph.

The Second Prompt

Consider the deleted scene, Act 2, Scene 2. Discuss how the scene might have changed the play and why Miller might have decided to remove it.

Student ExampleIn Aurthor Miller’s The Crucible, the deleted scene, Act 2, Scene 2, is open to interpretation. One reason it may have been taken out is the difference in the characters’ emotions. John Proctor is seen as almost a “bad guy” because his relationship with Abby is more developed here and it shows that

(continued on next slide)

Student Example Continued John still is leading her on a little and showing the relationship still exists. In the rest of the play, Proctor looks like he totally regrets the relationship and treats Abby hatefully, contrasting to this scene. Continually, Miller may have decided that he didn’t want the reader to feel sympithetic to Abby because of (continued on next slide)

Student Example ContinuedProctor’s treatment of her. Miller may have wanted Abby to look justified in her constant struggle to win Proctor over. Finally, it is possible that Miller simply didn’t like the flow of the play with Act 2, Scene 2, included a decided to take it out. Miller’s reasoning to vague & unknown, but the play runs just smoothly without the scene as with.

Consideration

What is good here?


Student Example PositivesIntroduces play and author (although

spelled incorrectly)

Uses present tense

Utilizes third person

Title set off appropriately

Student Example NegativesAwkward word choice at times

Spelling

Misreading of play suggested (Proctor does not treat Abby hatefully in Act 1)

Support needed (example: how might the deleted scene make Abby look justified or the audience gain sympathy)

Proof reading—too many errors/concerns, even for an in-class write

Sentence structure

Student ExampleIn the play The Crucible, Arthoir [spelling unclear on student copy] Miller origianally had a scene in Act 2 in which Proctor confronts Abigail on everything she is doing, but Miller later excluded that scene from the play. If Miller had kept the scene in the play, the viewers would see a different side of Abigail and may have a different perspective on her than without the scene. (continued on next slide)

Student Example ContinuedIn the scene, it becomes more and more obvious that there is something wrong with Abigail. She goes off on rants about people in Salem and how they are all hypocrites, and she still believes that John Proctor wants his wife dead so he can be with Abigail, even though he tries to tell her forcefully that he loves his wife and doesn’t want Abigail. It becomes clear that Abigail has

(continued on next slide)

Student Example Continuedsomething wrong with her through the stage notes when it says Proctor begins to see her madness. This scene softens Abigail’s character because it shows she’s crazy, and viewers may feel sympathy toward her. The sympathy for her is not wanted because she is the main antagonist in the play. Miller might not want that feeling toward her because it would soften the whole take of the play.

Student Example

What here is good?


Student Example PositivesIntroduces title and author (possible

spelling error)

Seems thoughtful

Minimal grammatical errors

Knowledge of play and characters demonstrated

Responds to prompt

Shows knowledge of literary devices

Student Example NegativesSpelling

Word choice (more variety needed)

Sentence structure occasionally awkward

“there” statement

Seems redundant at times

Fails to set off title appropriately

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