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A Look At Blacks And Self Esteem Photo Courtesy: Italian Vouge

ROCK MY SOUL

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By: Silver Moore

UNHAPPY TO BE NAPPY

Last November, Ellisa Oyewo

wrote the article, Black Hair:

What Are You Teaching Children?

for Coco & Crème Magazine. In

this article she told the story of a

conversation she heard between

a mom and her daughter.

“’Oohh Child! Nappy, nappy,

nappy! We have to get you a

perm! I can’t believe I have

you out here on these

streets with you walking

around with all these kinks

in your head! Just all out in

the open. We’re going to

have to nickname you Lil

Nappy!” stated the young

mother, yanking her child’s

head in a too-tight pony-

tail… As soon as her mother

was finished with her rant,

the young girl began to

touch her hair over and over

again as if she was trying to

hide it from the world. She

put down the doll and asked,

“What’s wrong with my

hair?’”

Now this isn’t a permed hair ver-

sus natural hair debate at all. But

I want to raise the question,

“Why is nappy an insult?” and

more importantly, “Why do we

not recognize how this pervasive

idea that nappy=bad, and often

times, that nappy=Black, has an

effect on Black self-image?”

During the sixties phrases like

"Black is Beautiful" and "Happy to

be Nappy" began to emerge as a

way to promote a positive body

image for Blacks. But it is clear

that the positivity associated with

the word nappy isn’t overwhelm-

ingly presented, though in some

smaller circles it is.

We can all recall Don Imus’ re-

marks toward the Rutgers girls’

basketball team when he called

them nappy headed hoes. Or

when Method Man stated he

doesn’t like women with natural

hair because he prefers a wom-

an’s hair to be done.

Recently one of Rihanna's Twitter

followers wrote in reference to

RiRi’s hair on her latest album

cover Man Down:

Acting out of her good girl gone

bad persona, Rihanna had a re-

sponse for NinyaBella’s question.

And based on her response, it

was clear the she was upset by

the comment.

On her blog, NinyaBella com-

mented on Rihanna’s reply being

sure to let the public know that

she was not at all being racist

when making her comments. But

what caught my eye the most in

looking over her blog post was a

comment on the post from a

Black woman, Minty.

You have to understand that

what nappy means to you

doesn't mean the same to

others. To many, it means

ugly, overly coarse and dam-

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aged. If it were me, I would

be very offended by your

words. But I don't think I

would blow up on you. I'd

simply ignore it. Rihanna, as

a celebrity, should have done

that too. It's very unprofes-

sional of her to react like

that. Even if what you said

may have offended her. And

she definitely should not

have blamed it on her race.

Not all African Americans

have "nappy" hair. I'm Afri-

can American and work hard

to keep my hair looking de-

cent so what Rihanna replied

with does not help her case.

So it’s through hard work that we keep Black girls looking “decent”? In reading this comment I wonder if the writer recognized all the things she had internalized about herself as being a Black woman.

Webster defines decent with words such as, good taste, re-spectable, worthy and adequate. So I’m sure that it’s safe to as-sume that if someone’s hair is not

decent then it is in poor taste, unrespectable, and makes that person unworthy and inade-quate. I’m sure Minty isn’t the only Black woman who associates nappy hair as being indecent. And

I’m sure she isn’t the only Black woman who believes she must work hard to make her hair de-cent. But the unfortunate reality of this is that women like Minty

have internalized that as Black women, at their natural stage, before the perm or the hot comb, are less than decent.

How do you think the negative association with nappy, and nappy’s association with being Black, effects the self-image of Blacks?

Courtesy of Dr. Boyce Watkins, YourBlackWorld.com

Your Black Love: Are All Black Men Insecure?

Rap star LL Cool J recently made an

interesting comment about black

men. The rapper seems to think

that black men are insecure and

that this plays a role in the way

relationships work out with wom-

en.

“As a black male I see a lot of inse-

curity amongst our men, because

we feel like we gotta dog women

and make ourselves look better,’

he said. ”And I say that not to try

to judge everybody and make our

guys upset, it’s the reality of what

we’re seeing. It’s become tough

on women. Somewhere along the

line, a lot of insecure men started

really coming down on women in a

harsh way.”

Personally, I’m not sure if LL has

any data to back up his assertions,

but that doesn’t mean there isn’t

some truth to it. One could say

that not having the father in so

many African American homes,

combined with the challenges of

unemployment, poor education

and mas incarceration, many men

may not feel the confidence neces-

sary to become adequate hus-

bands and fathers.

At the same time, I’ve seen some

women who use male insecurity as

the one-size-fits-all excuse to ex-

plain why no man is willing to

spend more than two seconds

with them. ”They can’t handle a

strong black woman, that’s why

they all run away from me,” I’ve

heard repeated on a few occa-

sions. But deep down, there are

times when I wonder if that partic-

ular woman realizes that men stay

away from her because she’s just a

jerk. Of course this doesn’t apply

to all women, but the insecurity

paradox is not gender-specific.

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Greetings, everyone! After my extended hiatus, I am finally back with a new perspective for all of my fellow fashionistas and fashionistos out there. During my time away, I've come across a pressing issue amongst men and women within our age demographic. Although it has been around for ages, the obligation to impress others via materi-alism has grown tremendously. Though, I am far from an expert on this particular subject, I to have fallen victim to this epidemic and have acquired enough knowledge to pass along to those who seem to struggle with this issue. When it comes to the world of fashion, I've found that there is a deeper foundation than just garments, shoes and accessories. Each piece that has ever been created holds a story and is meant for YOU the indulgent to look absolutely fabulous. The lavish lifestyles that are presented through various medium very well exist, howev-er, let's be honest, at this point and time not all of us are able to obtain and sustain the lifestyle I'm sure all of us want to lead at some point in time. There is no reason for any of us to continuous-ly produce and present a facade for our peers when we are clearly unable to keep up. This is where breaking free and embracing indi-vidualism comes in.

Effortless Fashion By: Amy Brown

Over the past months, I've broken down and humbled myself in ways I never thought I could. I've cut out a massive amount of spending and decided to work with whatever I had in my ward-robe. I've mixed and matched pieces, old and new, and have creat-ed style savvy looks from thrift pieces and even pieces owned by my close friends and family. Instead of worrying about labels and luxury, I concentrated on developing and honing a style of my very own that is suitable for me at this time in my life. So, with this be-ing said, consider this an invitation to do the same. Of course a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes, Tom Ford sunglasses, and Yves Saint Laurent bag would be fabulous additions to your wardrobe. Even a few pieces from our favorite retailers such as Ur-ban Outfitters and American Apparel would be nice as well. Howev-er, living beyond our means is something that is NOT a habit we as young people cannot afford to keep up nor develop. Use that OPI nail polish, Minx nails and designer accessories as reward for ac-complishing goals rather than tools to attract a crowd you honestly can't keep up with. After all, those who are truly interested in you and what you have to offer will appreciate and admire your sense of effortless style.

Urban Outfitters Lip

Post Earrings Minx Snow Cheetah

Nails OPI Quarter of A Cent-

Cherry Nail Polish

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“Although we may have had a long period of silence, maybe even denial, when we have been unable to speak openly and honestly about the crisis in how we see ourselves and others and how we are seen, we black folks know that our collective wounded self-esteem has not been healed. We know that we are in pain. And it is on-ly through facing the pain that we will be able to make it go away.”

The quote written above is an excerpt from Rock My Soul, a book by bell hooks. It talks about elevating the self esteem of a hurting people—black people. It’s obvious that African Americans were not widely ac-cepted after slavery ended. We were seen as inferior to white people. And what a

By: Tiffany Love, Too Fit To Quit Health and Fitness

Facing the Pain

powerful and negative word that is. Inferior means “of or characteristics of low rank or importance; of low quality.” Could you imagine being treated like an animal?

Being looked down upon everyday. White people telling you that you’re not worthy. That they are better than you. No wonder we are in such pain.

Unfortunately, though, instead of addressing this pain, we carry it around with us everyday.

Have you ever eaten a whole day’s worth of calories in one sitting without even real-izing it? You mindlessly eat and you’re not sure why and you don’t how to stop? Guilty. Did you know that this binging goes much deeper than food? “Not wanting to look at something painful is at the very foundation of compulsive eating” (LeBlanc). The other day I was thinking to myself that it’s easier to eat…or not eat, than to think. And it’s so true. It’s so much easier to pick up a bag of cookies when you’re depressed than to address the problem at hand. So, let’s

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challenge ourselves to run towards the problem instead of away from it. Now, don’t freak out on me yet. We’re going to take baby steps to healing this psychological and emotional pain you are experiencing:

1. Forgive. Before doing anything, forgive whomever is hurting you. Whether you need to forgive a family member, a significant other, a friend, or yourself. Forgive. Address the problem and let it go.

2. Become more aware. By this, I mean to thoughtfully exam-ine your thoughts prior to, during, and after you eat. Ask your-self a few questions, such as, “Are you hungry? How are you feeling right now?” On days when I would stare into the pantry looking for something to eat, I would ask myself, “What are you searching for?” Are you really hungry or are you searching to fulfill a void within your life? Be a conscious eater. Eat on purpose.

3. Slow down while you eat. If you’re going to eat, enjoy it! Don’t rush through your meal, leaving you feeling unsatisfied and maybe even falsely hungry. Take time to chew and enjoy your food. It will prevent overeating and promote enjoyment of your food.

By: Tiffany Love, Too Fit To Quit Health and Fitness

Facing the Pain cont.

4. Get uncomfortable. I don’t know about you, but this is probably the most difficult step for me. But, it’s so reward-ing once you take that leap of faith. Talk to people about the problems you are having with them. Address them and be honest. Don’t hold it in anymore. And once you open it, the burdens on your back will slowly melt away and the desire to eat compulsively will leave with it. It’s such an amazing feeling to know that you are healing.

These are just a few tips for how to overcome overeating, though there is so much more to be learned and to be done. This is only a start, and I know it’s going to be hard. If you are struggling with compulsive eating and need sup-port, feel free to message me, Tif Tiff Tiffany for encour-agement and advice. Also, be sure to check out this book: You Can’t Quit til You Know What’s Eating You by Donna LeBlanc.

Now, to end with a quote:

“Edibles, no matter how many or how scrumptious, succulent, sweet, and sublime, can tranquilize us only temporarily. However, it is possible to discover the real cause of our appetite and then put together our own foodless recipe for lasting gratification.”

Don’t give up. There’s hope for a day with NO binges!