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Stop Conflict in Its Tracks

Stop Conflict in its Tracks!Using Conflict Management Styles

Carole Kaptur, SHRM-SCP, HCSDirector, Strategic Association Management

*conflict – noun and verb

• Fight, battle, war – an armed conflict

• Competitive or opposing action of incompatibles: antagonistic state

or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons)

• Mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs,

drives, wishes, or external or internal demands – His conscience was

in conflict with his duty

• To be different, opposed, or contradictory: to fail to be in

agreement or accord – His statement conflicts with the facts.

*Merriam-Webster.com

85%

Experience some

type of conflict

29% experience

NEARLY

CONSTANT

conflict

12%Witness

conflict

within senior

team

49% Personality

clashes and egos

34% Workplace

stress

33% Heavy

workloads

27% Witnessed personal

attacks

25% Absence or

sickness9%

Projects fail

CPP, Inc. data

workplace conflict data

conflict and performance

Low

PerformanceHigh

Performance

Negative

Outcomes

Project

Failure

High

Low

Status Quo FailureUnsafe & CostlyInnovation & Creativity

Low level of

conflict

High people

problem costs

Conflict

increases

Lower people

problem costs

Conflict

increases

People problem

costs increase

Conflict and

people problem

costs increase

dramatically

negativity bias

coping response

identify interests …

… not wants

… ask questions

competing

compromising

accommodatingavoiding

collaborating

asse

rtiv

enes

s

cooperativeness

Thomas-Kilmann conflict styles

competing

• “I win, you lose”

• Aggressive, autocratic, confrontational, intimidating

• Attempt to gain power and pressure a change at other person’s expense

• Advantages:

– When making an unpopular, critical, or urgent decision

– “standing up for your right”

– Letting others know this issue is that important to you

• Disadvantages:

– Relationships harmed beyond repair

avoiding

• “I lose, you lose”

• Deliberately ignore or withdraw

• Hope problem goes away or resolve itself

• Advantages:

– When you need more time to think, time constraints at play

– Confrontation will hurt the relationship

• Disadvantages:

– You may be perceived as not caring

– Allows conflict to simmer and heat up, resulting in anger or

outburst

– Loss of trust & respect

compromising

• “I win some, you win some”

• Willing to sacrifice some of your goals while persuading others to

sacrifice part of theirs

• Preserve relationships

• Advantages:

– Takes less time than collaboration

• Disadvantages:

– Easy way out

– Reduces creative options

– Overuse creates game playing

collaborating

• “I win, you win”

• Find creative solutions that satisfy all parties

• Deep dive into issues to identify underlying concerns, test

assumptions and understand views of others

• Advantages:

– Fosters respect, trust, and builds relationships

• Disadvantages:

– Takes time and energy

– May not be worth it if relationships aren’t important

accommodating

• “I lose, you win”

• Keep the peace

• Preserve relationships

• Advantages:

– When you are wrong or want to minimize losses – you’re going to lose anyway

– Preserve relationships

• Disadvantages:

– Unassertive accommodators can play role of martyr, complainer or saboteur

– Can result in a false solution

– Can become competitive when overused, “I’m nicer than you”

• Increased power imbalances

identifying conflict styles

Joe is a member who serves on a committee. He is well liked and

respected. However, it seems that despite this, his well-reasoned on-

target ideas are rarely accepted by other members of the committee.

When another committee member, Brian, puts forth his ideas, he

tends to push harder and louder. Joe is a good listener who can

understand many points of view and realizes there is more than one

workable solution. Nevertheless, today Joe came to the end of his

rope and verbally lashed out at the committee.

identifying conflict styles

You have just started as a new AE. After a few weeks, you notice the

president and president-elect show up every day and talk with all the staff

members. At first you thought they were just being helpful, but now you

notice that they are really barking orders at staff. They storm into your

office demanding to know why deadlines aren’t being met.

identifying conflict styles

A member wants to attend a conference. This member attends every year

and always complains they never get into one of the preferred hotels.

Today, they are complaining loudly and viciously to your event

coordinator, telling her that she is incompetent in not making

appropriate arrangements for members. Your event coordinator is

getting visibly upset.

identifying conflict styles

This year’s president is very demanding and has very high

expectations. The president is constantly calling you to

follow up on the status of your projects and never

understands why anything should take more than 20

minutes.

identifying conflict styles

There’s one member who is never happy and has a very direct style.

When this member shows up at the door, everyone puts on full battle

gear in preparation. The member is never happy regardless of what is

done for them.

identifying conflict styles

A member who is registered for a CE class shows up an hour late and is

insisting on being included in the class.

Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument

https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/catalog/thomas-kilmann-instrument-one-assessment-person

Carole Kaptur, SHRM-SCP, HCS

Director, Human Resources Outreach

312-329-8311

ckaptur@realtors.org

Carole joined NAR with more than 20 years of experience in HR in both the private and public sector, including not-for-

profits. Carole’s strengths lie in balancing strategy with hands-on operations. She has experience in a variety of roles that

include recruitment, leadership development, organization effectiveness, training, performance management, change

management, employee relations, policy development, compliance, compensation, benefits administration, and succession

planning. Carole received her master's degree in human resources from Loyola University in Chicago. She also has a BA in

English from the University of Illinois at Chicago. She is a Senior Certified Professional with the Society for Human Resource

Management as well as a certified Human Capital Strategist.

Kelsi Dunn, MBA, SHRM-CP

Human Resources Representative

312-329-8518

kdunn@realtors.org

Kelsi joined NAR with an MBA and a concentration in HR as well as a paralegal certificate from Roosevelt University. She

also has a BA in Journalism from Indiana University. Kelsi is a Certified Professional with the Society for Human Resource

Management. Her areas of expertise currently focus on recruitment, compensation analysis, and workforce planning. She

has assisted in strategic planning processes as well.

Strategic Association Management Consultants

questions?