2015 is our 40th anniversary and we have

much to celebrate. SAFE has made a huge

impact on the lives of 1000s of victims

of domestic violence and abuse.

SAFE established the Exeter Women’s Refuge

and over forty years developed and delivered

a range of vital services for victims of

domestic violence.

2014-2015 Annual Review Established 1975

Stop Abuse For Everyone Celebrating 40 years of working together to end domestic violence and abuse.

Stop Abuse For Everyone Working Together to end domestic violence & abuseForty years ago Stop Abuse for Everyone set out to provide safe accommodation in Exeter for women and their children fleeing domestic violence and abuse. Much has been achieved since that time, but more needs to be done. Here in Devon an estimated 22,000 people experience domestic violence each year (Devon County Council), many of whom live in fear every day. At Stop Abuse For Everyone (SAFE) we help make sure these families are safe. A challenging year for SAFE, that began with the loss of core funding, services, staff, volunteers and the closure of the Exeter refuge, has ended well. After much hard work and perseverance by trustees and staff, and supported by healthy reserves, SAFE is now firmly re-established with a strong Board, new leadership, staff, funding streams and services.

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2015 is our 40th anniversary and we have much to celebrate. SAFE has made a huge impact on the lives of 1000s of victims of domestic violence and abuse. As Exeter Women’s Aid, SAFE established the Exeter Refuge and over the decades developed and delivered a range of vital services for victims of domestic violence. In response to our focus on the whole family and the need to support male victims, we changed our name in 2009 to Stop Abuse for Everyone (SAFE). More recently, amidst increasing financial insecurity, and budget cuts, domestic violence services in Devon were put out to tender and along with our sister services in North and South Devon we failed to gain the contract.

We have maintained our independence and proved our resilience. More than ever we remain determined to help victims of domestic violence across Devon.

We will: • Consolidate, develop and expand our services to reach more victims and their families; • Hold those who have experienced domestic violence and abuse at the centre of everything we do; • Return to our campaigning roots to raise awareness in the community.

SAFE will remain flexible and innovative – able to take advantage of opportunities that arise as we strive forward. At the same time with continued uncertainty of future funding, our financial sustainability and full-cost recovery will underpin our efforts to deliver much needed services and place domestic violence at the centre of community concern. This document will highlight the extent of and harm caused by domestic violence and abuse, what we at SAFE are doing about it, and what more can be achieved with your help. It includes the stories of some of our brave clients and their families. We hope that they inspire you to action, as they do us, to help stop abuse for everyone.

We have maintained our independence and proved our resilience. More than ever we remain determined to help victims of domestic violence across Devon.

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Help for children and young people• Between 70-80% of child protection cases involve domestic violence (UK Government); • There are 130,000 children in England and Wales where there is high-risk of murder or serious harm (Safelives); • Last year 174 children were among the families referred to SAFE’s high risk services.

The extent of harm experienced by a child will depend on their age, the length and severity of violence experienced. Children may become aggressive or withdrawn, anxious and depressed, experience separation anxiety, and/or lose previously acquired developmental skills.

Education is often disrupted due to non-attendance and even exclusion from school. The relationship between the non-abusive parent and child (typically mother–child relationship) is often undermined directly or indirectly as a result of abuse, at the same time this relationship is critically important for children’s wellbeing, healthy development and recovery from harm.

What we are doing about it.SAFE’s Children & Families Service support children and their non-abusive parent (usually mum) to: • Be and feel safe again• Regain their confidence• Deal with difficult and hard to manage feelings• Strengthen their relationship • Cope with any difficulties at home or school.

SAFE also works closely with early help services for families, schools and social services to help children and their families recover from the harm caused by domestic violence.

Rebecca’s story Rebecca witnessed her mum’s former partner break into their home. He punched and kicked holes in walls, broke furniture, yelled and screamed at her mum threatening to kill her until the police came and removed him. Five years old, Rebecca felt scared at home and would not leave her mum’s side. She had trouble sleeping and said she

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had horrible feelings in her tummy. She would only sleep when next to her mum and was becoming increasingly controlling and aggressive toward her mum as she struggled to manage her fears and worries. Our children’s and families worker helped Rebecca to understand and manage the horrible feelings in her tummy, and helped her to identify safe places and people she could ask for help. With help Rebecca made some worry boxes, a small one for small worries that she could manage herself and a bigger one for big worries to talk with mum about. Rebecca was also given a dream catcher to catch the bad dreams at night.

At the same time mum was helped to understand Rebecca’s behaviour, to recognise the difference between normal five year old behaviour and signs of trauma. Mum was then able to identify strategies and boundaries to help Rebecca feel safe again. Mum put a plan in place including a reward chart for every night Rebecca was able to sleep through the night, slowly moving her back to her own bed as she felt safer. Rebecca’s mum felt more confident in understanding and meeting Rebecca’s needs and putting in age appropriate boundaries. Their relationship blossomed again. Rebecca now sleeps through the night, most nights in her own bed and says that home feels safe.

• SAFE helped 146 children and their families last year.

Here’s what we plan to do next with your help• Reach another 150 children and their families. If you would like to help us reach more children and young people please make a donation through https://www.justgiving.com/stopabuseforeveryone/donate/

Outcomes for Children & Young People Before AfterI feel safe at home 38% 75%I feel safe away from home 25% 50%I know how to get help 25% 88%I am afraid of someone else getting hurt 88% 38%

Help for boys & young men • 1 in 5 teenagers have been abused in a relationship; • Over half of the children referred to SAFE are boys and young men

Young people often have contradictory beliefs about domestic violence. They may say it’s not OK and at the same time accept or enact abuse.

Without early help boys and young men who have grown up with domestic violence are more likely than other young men to use violence in their intimate and family relationships (Early Intervention Foundation).

What we are doing about it. SAFE is working with boys and young men to • Improve family relationships, • Prevent school exclusion • Have healthy adult relationships in the future.

We have employed a male worker in our Children and Families service to work with many of the boys and young men referred to us, who serves as a positive role model and professional mentor.

Samuel’s storySamuel witnessed his father’s abusive and controlling behaviour toward his mother for many years. Although Samuel’s father was no longer in the family home and had not been for some time, Samuel struggled to manage difficult feelings and conflict with others. He was becoming increasingly aggressive toward his mum and step dad. He was getting into trouble at school, and was at risk of permanent exclusion. Samuel really wanted things to be different at home and school, he just didn’t know how to go about it. He wanted to have a better relationship with his mum and step dad, get along with his younger siblings and he wanted help with the problems he was having at school. Samuel was 14 years old when he met with SAFE’s Boys & Young Men’s worker. It made a big difference for Samuel to have someone to talk with and he seemed to really appreciate having a male role model he could relate

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to. Samuel used his time with the worker to discuss the problems he was having and how he could solve these problems without getting into trouble. Samuel gained a greater appreciation of how his behaviour affected others and he gradually felt more in control of his feelings and choices. This made a huge difference to Samuel. He felt happier at home as his family relationships improved and he was no longer getting into trouble at school. His mum exclaimed “I can’t believe the change in him.” Samuel’s teachers also noticed a huge difference in his behaviour and attitude toward them and his peers, and he is no longer at risk of exclusion. Samuel’s confidence and sense of self-worth soared and he is able to think about the future, a future where he has control.

Paul’s storyPaul is the second eldest of 6 children, living in a very busy home. Paul and his siblings witnessed severe violence perpetrated by their father against their mother. Sometimes Paul would try to stop his father beating his mother and his father would then assault him. Paul and his family fled from their home and changed their family name to be safe. Paul now 13 years old, was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, was struggling with his sexual identity and was often bullied at school by his peers for his flamboyance.

Paul initially worked with a SAFE female worker until it became clear that he was struggling to talk about his relationships and possibly his sexuality. Paul was asked if he would find it easier to talk to another male and was then linked with the male Boys & Young Men’s worker. Paul seemed to relax with this change and began to talk and open up about how he felt “Pushed out,” by his younger siblings and felt on the fringes of his own family. After 8 months of support by the programme Paul began to feel happier in his identity with a greater sense of belonging in his family, pitching in with family meals and chores. His grades at school improved and he was predicted to get at least one A grade.

• 29 boys & young men were helped by the Young Men’s worker last year.

Here’s what we plan to do next with your help• 50 boys and young men are helped by the Young Men’s worker.

If you would like to help us continue this help for boys and young men please make a donation through https://www.justgiving.com/stopabuseforeveryone/donate/

Outcomes for Children & Young People before afterI find it difficult to sleep 63% 38%I often feel worried 75% 50%I am often unhappy 63% 38%I find it difficult to control my emotions 75% 25%I feel like it’s my fault 75% 0%I feel positive when I think about the future 13% 75%

Help for those at high risk• Police in Devon attend a domestic violence incident every hour; • Domestic violence accounts for 25% of all violent crime in Devon.

Whilst men may also experience domestic abuse, women and their children are much more likely to experience this type of violence from a male partner or family member.

Women are much more likely than men to be victims of high risk domestic violence and the most dangerous time for a woman is when she is trying to leave her abuser.

• Nationally two women are killed each week; • 96% of clients referred to SAFE’s high risk services last year were women.

What we are doing about it. SAFE provides Independent Domestic Violence Advisor (IDVA) services:

• For those at high risk of murder or serious harm; • and work with the police, child protection, courts and other services to keep victims safe.

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Karen’s storyKaren lived with her partner John for 20 years. She said when she fi rst met him he was “like a knight in shining armour.” He encouraged Karen and her two boys to move in with him to a lovely brand new house. He bought her a new car and said she didn’t need to work anymore to support herself and her boys as he made more than enough money for them all. Within 18 months of living together Karen said she was “Stripped of everything she had once had.”John was controlling, violent and abusive, always putting her down and blaming her for any little thing that went wrong. She was constantly hiding bruises or making up stories about how she got them. The fi rst time Karen tried to leave John he grabbed her by the arm so hard he ripped off her jacket sleeve leaving severe bruising. He was so intimidating that Karen believed he was going to push her down the stairs when he said, “You go fi rst,” to her. The next day he laughed at her when he saw her bruises saying “What did you do that for?”

Karen became pregnant and felt she should stay in the relationship, thinking maybe things would change for the better. She had a son, Tom. John suggested they move to the country and they found a lovely new home with a swimming pool, wanting for nothing materially. Karen hoped that things would change now but they didn’t, John controlled everything she did, what she bought in the shopping, where she went and who she talked to. Karen became more and more isolated. He convinced her that her two older boys would be better living with their dad and she believed him as she felt as if she could do nothing right and was a failure at everything.

Years later, diagnosed with cancer and undergoing treatment John continued to assault her and hospital staff became increasingly concerned, though Karen told no one what was really happening. She was too afraid and she didn’t think anyone would believe her. Their friends thought they were the perfect couple. One day, John punched her head, knocking her out cold. She woke up to see her son Tom nursing her head, tears rolling down his face. “How many more times, mum?” he asked her. She knew she had to leave. She went to see her GP who reported his concerns

to the police; Karen said “I just cried at that appointment – I barely said anything.” Karen packed a bag and with Tom fl ed to her sister’s home. For Karen the support she got from SAFE’s IDVA worker made an enormous difference “Saved my life,” she said. After she left, John continued to be abusive, threatening and violent, “You belong to me,” he told her. Her worker was always encouraging, offering advice and help. Karen also attended SAFE’s Pattern Change Programme. For Karen meeting other women and knowing she was not alone was really important. It was diffi cult to talk about what had happened at fi rst but “It really did help.” Slowly she said “Things started to pick up for me. It’s been hard and I still have some bad days.” Karen left everything behind and had to start from scratch. She feels a lot of guilt as a mum. She tried to protect Tom, now 17 years from what was happening but she couldn’t shield him from all of it. Tom, “Won’t talk to anyone” about what happened she said and “I worry about him.” He gets in trouble at school and is terribly angry, mostly with his father and sometimes with her. Karen jumped at the opportunity to share her story so that it may help others and to be able to “Give something back.” Karen now has a job she loves, her own home and her freedom back to make her own decisions.

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• 158 households were referred to our MARAC IDVA service last year;• 73 individuals were referred to our Specialist Court IDVA service last year.

Here’s what we plan to do next with your helpThe future funding of our high risk services remain uncertain. Last year the Home Offi ce withdrew the funding it had previously provided for our Specialist Court IDVA. SAFE made the diffi cult decision to part-fund this service from reserves with matched funds from Devon County Council for 12 months but we cannot continue to do this in 2016 without the additional funding needed.

If you would like to help us continue our high risk services please make a donation through https://www.justgiving.com/stopabuseforeveryone/donate

Outcomes reported for our High risk IDVA service75% reduction in risk95% felt safer96% quality of life improved97% increased confi dence 65% reported no abuse in the last month

Outcomes reported for our Court IDVA service84% reduction in risk95% felt safer89% quality of life improved98% increased confi dence 82% reported no abuse in the last month

Help to live free from violence • Domestic violence has the highest rate of re-victimisation then any other crime;• Continues after the relationship has ended;• The leading reason for ill health, disability, homelessness and fractured family and social relationships for many women.

What we are doing about it.Our Pattern Change programme • Gives women a space to bond and talk about their experiences;• is focussed on women’s strengths and capacity to change their own and their children’s lives for the better; • helps women and their children to live free from violence.

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Alice’s story“I did the Pattern Change course in January 2013. My abusive partner was still in my life at the time trying to worm his way back even though we still had court cases going on because of his violence against me. When I fi nished the course not only did I manage to stay away from him but I started living life for me and thought about how I could achieve goals. During the course I found goal setting very diffi cult and I thought I would never be able to achieve anything. This changed when I booked a one way ticket to Thailand. I did a TEFL course in Phuket (teaching English as a foreign language). I spent 10 months teaching in Thailand and 2 months teaching in China. I then travelled around Asia. When it was time to come home a friend and I challenged ourselves to get back to the UK by land. We took the trans-Siberian train across Russia. It was fabulous!

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Travelling has let me put everything I learnt in Pattern Change to good use. It hasn’t been easy and I feel like I have overcome a lot. I put myself fi rst, I have healthy relationships and most of all I am happy. I am still single and not ready for a relationship but I see this as a positive thing and I know that when I am ready I will meet someone and it will be healthy.

I have decided to run the Great West Run in 2016 because I now believe that there is nothing that can’t be achieved if you just put your mind to it. I started running a few weeks ago and I struggled to get to the end of my road. Now just after a few weeks I can run a couple of miles without stopping. I know through hard work and my determination I will be able to run the whole 13 miles (well hopefully)! I hope to raise enough money doing the half marathon to help fund the Pattern Change programme as I really do believe those who engage in it really do reap the rewards.”

Sally’s story “I always thought no one would listen. I was embarrassed. You watch soaps and its always cuts and bruises. I used to think what was happening to me wasn’t domestic violence because it’s often not cuts and bruises. It was a long struggle over fi ve years. Now when I think about my ex partner I think what would you bring to my life, your daughters life? You think when the relationship is over it will be ok and stop but it continues, he would threaten to take me to court, he would threaten to kill me. But now I think you don’t frighten me. I now recognise his absolute anger as abnormal. I realise I am not to blame. He calls me a “Two bit mother.” But his opinion no longer matters.

Once when we were together he was on top of me assaulting me. I managed to reach and grab the vacuum pipe and hit him hard enough to cause a bruise on his back. He got up, called the police and reported me. I begged the police offi cer to believe me when I told him what happened, but he didn’t. He said to me, “Well, he has the bruise and you are pregnant and hormonal”. This just reinforced that no one will ever believe me. Later after another assault I called 101 - information and told them my partner had threatened to kill me. The operator

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was the first person to say this is domestic violence, you need to call 999. That was the first time someone took me seriously. The police who attended that night were fabulous. They listened and believed me but there was not enough evidence to charge him. The police told him to leave and not contact me yet he still called, he rang 45 times in two hours that night. When I tried to report this I was told “Its just phone calls. It is just a domestic you will sort it out.”

The police referred me to SAFE and I was contacted by SAFE’s high risk worker who helped me put a safety plan in place. I was terrified and even though it was a hot summer I kept the house closed and locked. I was helped with a panic alarm and a new door. It was such a relief to be believed and taken seriously.

Going to court was the hardest. I had never been to court before and my solicitor didn’t explain anything. I wasn’t prepared. I still felt like I was in the wrong. He walked straight up to me at court, no one stopped him. I felt scared and vulnerable. He had the support of his family and I was there by myself. I was so scared I was shaking as I sat on my own waiting for the hearing. My solicitor spoke to him and came back and said he seems amicable. I thought “What?” But when he didn’t get what he wanted he was abusive and aggressive toward her too.

I found the SAFE worker so supportive, if it wasn’t for SAFE I don’t know where I would be. So encouraging, with great advice and support and I thought “I can do this.” She gave me leaflets and I put them on the fridge and kept reading them. I began to feel stronger and stronger. She always phoned me back, helped me understand the legal language, and understood what I needed.

It was really hard the first couple of weeks at the Pattern Change programme. I didn’t want to do it and tried to think of excuses not to go. But I went and as others talked about their experience I’d remember that this and that had also happened to me. I started piecing it all together. I realised I wasn’t stupid and it wasn’t in my head. I used to think it was my fault and then the light switches on when you hear other women’s stories. I used to think if I change, things will be

better. You know, if I wasn’t 5 minutes late then he wouldn’t pull my hair. Then you realise it doesn’t matter what you do, it would still happen. Pattern Change helps you realise you are not worthless. It’s scary at the beginning but so worth it. I think this programme should be taught in schools to help young women. I have had so many set backs and thought that’s it I can’t do it. You will cry lots, feel guilty and wonder if you should try again to work things out with your partner. But just keep focussed. I would call the SAFE worker or my mum when I felt bad and it helped me keep going. I have been asked so many times why I didn’t just leave him. I used to cry when someone asked me this, now I just roll my eyes. So many people just don’t understand. My elderly neighbour next door experienced abuse from her husband for over 50 years. I asked her the same question and to my surprise she told me that in those days you just didn’t leave. At least today if you get the right help, you can. There is light at the end of the tunnel.”

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Thanks to you SAFE continues to provide vital services in our community to stop abuse for everyone.

Thanks go to:

Our grant providersGarfield Western Foundation, The 29th May 1961 Trust, Tudor Trust & Henry Smith Charity, BBC Children in Need, Comic Relief, Devon County Council, Home Office.

Our Donors last yearAction for Children, Bicton College, Ron Mayers, Sarah Woodwood, Mrs Jones, Rotary Club Exeter, Exeter Family Welfare Association, Exeter Quakers, Five Rivers, SAKS Hair & Beauty, James Turner, Tess Biddington, Julie-Ann Rowell & Dana Little & Page Smith - proceeds of Secret Rooms book sales, St Michaels Church, Mrs T. Smith, Mrs D.J. Spence-Thomas, Dr G.M. Bliss & Mrs J. Bliss, Feminist Society Exeter, The Family Law Company, Topsham Flower Company in memory of Pauline, Yorkshire Building Society Charitable Foundation, Rachel Somers legacy gift, Hayley Laskey, Jan Golding.

And to the many more donors who gave at events and anonymously.

Our Corporate SupportersMark Swabey and the team at Risk Reasoning www.riskreasoning.co.uk/Mike Krage at Krage Design www.kragedesign.co.uk Mark Brend, writer, editor, project manager and publishing consultant www.definitearticle.org.uk Catherine Cartwright & colleagues www.catherinecartwright.co.uk

How you can support our work

VolunteeringJoin our team of volunteers and help us make next year an even greater success. Call Sarah Richards on 01392 260 544 or check out our volunteer page on the website.

Make a one-off donationA one-off donation is a quick and easy way to make a big difference to Stop Abuse for Everyone. One-off donations can be made via our website www.safe-services.org.uk/donations or by cheque. Please make cheques payable to ‘Stop Abuse for Everyone’ and post to Stop Abuse for Everyone, 1 Queens Road, Exeter EX2 9ERBecome a Friend of SAFEOur Friends scheme asks you to commit to make longer term, regular donations contributing vital funds we can rely on. www.justgiving.com/stopabuseforeveryone/donate Leave a gift in your Will Make a lasting impact by leaving a gift to SAFE in your Will. We can offer guidance and support in setting this up. E-NewsletterGo to www.safe-services.org.uk/contact-us add your details and write “newsletter” in the subject box. Become a corporate supporterLocal and national businesses support our work, whether that’s through donations or volunteer support. Working together to stop abuse for everyone makes a difference for victims, our community and is good for business. Volunteer Programme & Finding Your VoiceWith funding from the Tudor Trust this year SAFE has established a volunteer programme offering accredited training, support and supervision for our volunteers. We have also established a new service Finding Your Voice in partnership with North Devon Against Domestic Abuse and Devon Domestic Abuse Service, Splitz. Our trained volunteers fulfil a range of roles including:• Offering support to victims of domestic abuse through Finding Your Voice• Providing additional support for victims across all SAFE services• Help with office administration• Fundraising• and many other activities To contact us about our volunteer programme or to make a donation please see our page on how you can help.

Twitter: @SAFEserviceswww.safe-services.org.uk

Thanks to Catherine Cartwright, Nicci Wonnacott, Christina Siddorn and Josh Gaunt for allowing us to use

images from ‘The Art House’ Project in this report.

Did you know? Domestic violence costs UK businesses more than £2.7 billion each year

20% of victims had to take a month or more off work in the last year50% of victims are regularly late for work (TUC Report).

SAFE can help your business do something about this impact. If you would like to know more call Jacinta Wainwright on 01392 269543.

What is domestic violence and abuse?It is any violent, abusive or controlling behaviour by someone close to you - usually a partner or an ex-partner or a family member. Abuse can be: • physical• emotional• verbal• sexual • financial• spiritual or cultural

It can include bullying, threats, humiliation, and isolation - many women experience domestic violence and abuse without having broken bones or bruises.

Everyone has the right to:• feel safe in their own home• live free from violence, fear, oppression, intimidation and threats• make their own choices and decisions• contact with their friends and family• be treated with respect

The responsibility for domestic violence and abuse ALWAYS rests with the abuser.