1

The Stargazers Club has ventured out on this warm summer

night because The Antilles Sungrazer Comet is making it’s

once every ten year trip past the earth. While stargazing, the

students share their backgrounds, hopes, dreams and beliefs

about the sky and its occupants. It makes for a wonderful

character study for student actors.

Summertime, night.

An empty stage with a backdrop of stars (If you wish you can

add some levels and trees to make the stage look like more of

a hillside, but this is not necessary). The stage will be filled

with props, such as telescopes, blankets and coolers. Each

individual moment should be lit with spotlights to give the

illusion of darkness around them.

Approximately 45 minutes

(3m, 3w, 6 either, any number of non-speaking students who

could also be understudies. Although I used “him” for Ripley,

this character could be a male or female depending on who

auditions. Copernicus could also be male or female, the

intention is for you to add “Mr.” or “Mrs.” in front of

Copernicus once your cast is set.)

Ed

Gally

Maria

Kepler

Copernicus

Clyde

Ripley

Swift

Reporter

Alien One

Alien Two

Alien Three

_____________________________________________________________________________

STARGAZERS

(The stage begins light, then slowly dims, revealing a

backdrop of stars. Slowly the stage fills with people, bringing

in telescopes, blankets, coolers…and other items you would

bring when stargazing for the evening…dialogue should begin

after a few minutes of set up)

ED: This is my spot! (Holding his arms out wide and

swinging them in a circle)

GALLY: We know Ed; you made that very clear on the bus,

on the way here.

MARIA: No one is going to take your spot, gheash!

KEPLER: I really don’t feel that his calling “dibs” before we

even got here is a fair way for him to claim the best spot.

ED: You’re just saying that because you didn’t think to call

dibs.

KEPLER: That is my spot and you know it Ed! You

poached it!

ED: Kepler, you need to learn to share.

2

COPERNICUS: It’s not worth the fight Kepler, besides,

from this hilltop, we’re all going to see The Antilles Sungrazer

Comet just fine.

CLYDE: It’s a very big sky.

(Ripley is the only character with a set costume, he should be

wearing a shirt that says “The Truth is Out There”)

RIPLEY: Ed might be able to see the sky better, but that

doesn’t matter because the aliens will be attracted to the

gamma rays coming from my helmet and will come straight to

me!

KEPLER: The viewing area in that spot is ideal for pictures.

MARIA: You’re “helmet” is made of tin foil, and there are

no gamma rays coming from it.

COPERNICUS: Kepler, every area of this hill is idea for

taking pictures, there is no bad spot, every spot is a good spot.

KEPLER: Not according to my calculations.

ED: Too bad for you.

(Kepler moves in to and fakes a punch towards Ed’s face, he

flinches. Kepler smiles.)

KEPLER: Made you flinch.

COPERNICUS: Boys! Enough! Not tonight, please can’t

you set your differences aside?

KEPLER: Yes Copernicus.

COPERNICUS: Ed!

ED: Fine! Just stay out of my spot Kepler!

RIPLEY: Copernicus! Tell Maria there are to gamma rays

coming from my helmet!

COPERNICUS: Maria, stop harassing Ripley.

MARIA: But he doesn’t have gamma rays coming from his

helmet!

ED: It’s not possible for him to have gamma rays in his

helmet.

COPERNICUS: Ripley, stop telling people there are gamma

rays coming from your helmet, you’re going to freak someone

out.

RIPLEY: But there are! There are!

MARIA: Ripley…

COPERNICUS: Enough.

KEPLER: My dad and I made all my equipment together,

and I’m not going to get any good pictures where I’m set up.

COPERNICUS: Ed, why don’t you let Kelper take some

pictures using your telescope.

ED: No! This is my spot! I called dibs, he can’t have it!

Besides, my camera is much better than his. Maybe if he’s

nice to me I’ll let him see the pictures I take tomorrow!

GALLY: (To Maria) Ed’s camera may be better, but Kelper

takes better pictures.

MARIA: You’re just saying that because you like him. Hey,

Kepler!

GALLY: No don’t…

MARIA: Don’t what? Hey, Kepler, you can come set up next

to us, we don’t mind sharing.

KEPLER: That’s okay, I’m fine over here.

MARIA: Suite yourself.

ED: (Beginning to pace off steps in a box, placing a water

bottle on each corner) I need three feet this way, and three feet

this way, and three feet this way, and three feet this way.

Everyone stay out of my square, I’ve marked each corner with

a water bottle.

MARIA: No one is going to go near your square!

ED: Be sure you don’t Maria…I’m like big brother, I’m

always watching!

GALLY: That’s a little creepy.

MARIA: Whatever Ed.

ED: I’m serious Maria, stay out of my square. Copernicus,

make her stay out of my square.

COPERNICUS: Everyone, stay out of Ed’s square.

(Ripley begins running around Ed’s square pretending to

shoot gamma rays into it from his helmet.)

RIPLEY: (Makes shooting sounds.)

ED: Ripley! Stay out of my square!

RIPLEY: I’m not in your square! I’m just outside your

square.

ED: Stop shooting gamma rays in my square.

RIPLEY: I thought you said that it’s not possible for my

helmet to have gamma rays in it.

ED: Copernicus!

COPERNICUS: Ripley, why don’t you set up your

telescope?

RIPLEY: I didn’t bring one.

COPERNICUS: What do you mean you didn’t bring one?

Did you forget it?

RIPLEY: No.

COPERNICUS: So you didn’t bring your telescope on

purpose.

RIPLEY: Yes.

COPERNICUS: I’m sure I’m going to regret asking this, but

why didn’t you bring a telescope Ripley?

RIPLEY: I’m not going to need one, so I didn’t bring it.

COPERNICUS: That’s what we’re here for Ripley; we’re

here to look at The Antilles Sungrazer Comet as it comes by,

and you need a telescope to be able to see it. Again, I will

probably regret this, but what do you think we’re here for

Ripley?

RIPLEY: We’re here to meet the aliens! See, the comet, it’s

not just going to pass by! It’s going to land! And then we’re

going to be the first people the aliens make contact with!

ED: Comet’s don’t land Ripley!

CLYDE: Sometimes they crash.

GALLY: Clyde don’t say that!

COPERNICUS: The comet’s not going to land, or crash, it’s

going to pass by at a safe distance.

RIPLEY: But it’s not a comet though, that’s just what the

government wants us to think! It’s really a space ship, and it’s

going to land, and then the aliens are going to be attracted by

the gamma rays coming from my helmet, and they are going

to come here and then I’m going to be the first person ever to

talk to an alien! I even brought them a gift!

MARIA: A gift?

RIPLEY: You always need to bring a gift when you meet

aliens; that’s how they know you’re friendly. If you don’t

bring them a gift then they’ll suck out your brains!

MARIA: And what exactly did you bring to give the aliens?

3

RIPLEY: (Ripley rummages around pockets, producing a

slightly smashed package of pink Hostess Snoballs.) Snoballs!

MARIA: Aliens eat Snoballs?

RIPLEY: Doesn’t everyone?

COPERNICUS: While we wait for the Antilles Sungrazer

comet to arrive, can anyone tell me what star cluster looks

particularly bright tonight?

KEPLER: The Seven Sisters.

MARIA: I’d hate to have seven sisters.

COPERNICUS: That is correct.

(Swift enters out of breath; and carrying a lot of gear.)

SWIFT: Sorry I’m late Copernicus; my dad forgot it was

tonight and stayed at work late.

COPERNICUS: That’s fine, but why didn’t you call one of

us, we could have come to get you on our way.

SWIFT: I didn’t want to be a bother, if I had known I was

going to be so late I would have met you at school and ridden

on the bus with everyone else.

COPERNICUS: Next time call, we’ll come get you.

SWIFT: (Pause) Where should I set up?

COPERNICUS: Any empty space that’s left. (Pause) Just

stay away from Ed.

SWIFT: Will do.

(Swift looks around, then finally walks to where Clyde is

setting up.)

SWIFT: Is it okay if I set up next to you Clyde?

CLYDE: That’s okay by me.

SWIFT: Thanks. (She begins to set up her telescope) Did I

miss anything?

CLYDE: Just the usual. Ed called dibs on the best spot on

the bus ride here and it annoyed Kepler, and Ripley keeps

going on about how the comet is a spaceship and how he

brought the aliens Snoballs.

SWIFT: I meant in the sky, did I miss anything in the sky.

Like the Antilles Sungrazer Comet?

CLYDE: Oh! No, nothing yet. It should be a few more hours

still; you’ll have plenty of time to focus all your lenses, or do

whatever else you need to.

SWIFT: Good, I was so worried, when my dad wasn’t home

right at six I thought I’d be late, and then seven came, and I

thought I’d miss getting a good spot, then eight came and I

thought I’d miss it completely! I was so relieved when he got

home, and then he saw me, with all my stuff, and I think he

felt really bad, because on the way here he stopped at

MacDonald’s, and we went through the drive-through because

I didn’t want to be any later than I already would be, and I

never get to eat MacDonald’s, it was really good! Do you

want some of my chocolate shake?

CLYDE: Um, no thanks.

SWIFT: I’m so excited about tonight, I can’t wait to see the

comet, I’ve been dreaming about this for months! Isn’t it

exciting, we’re about to see something fly by us that’s been all

over the universe! Can you imagine what it’s seen!

CLYDE: I doubt the comet has actually seen anything; it’s

just a big rock.

SWIFT: I know that, I’m speaking metaphorically. Just

imagine if we could ride on the back of the comet and go

where it goes!

CLYDE: Being that this particular comet is going to graze

the sun, I don’t think you’d want to go where it goes. Also,

there’s no oxygen in space.

SWIFT: Again, I’m speaking in metaphor…do me a favor,

and close your eyes, and picture yourself on the back of the

comet, racing by stars and planets and seeing things that we

probably never will, landscapes that are totally foreign and

still beautiful, picture your senses being overrun with new and

wonderful sights and tastes and smells!

CLYDE: I did read an article that the Milky Way smelled

like blueberries.

SWIFT: I read the same article, isn’t it amazing that the

Milky Way is made up of the same chemicals that give

blueberry’s their smell! Every time I eat blueberries I think

about flying through the Milky Way on the back of a comet,

don’t you?

CLYDE: Can’t say that I do.

SWIFT: Oh Clyde, you are so unromantic.

CLYDE: “I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star.

Everyone stops, points up and gasps ‘Oh look at that!’ Then-

whoosh, and I’m gone…and they’ll never see anything like it

ever again…and they won’t be able to forget me-ever.”

SWIFT: Who said that?

CLYDE: Don’t believe I said it.

SWIFT: No.

CLYDE: Jim Morrison.

SWIFT: Who’s that, is he an astronomer?

CLYDE: No, he’s a member of The Doors. (Pause) That’s a

band. I like his quote, but I like this one better. “Nature, to

each allots his proper sphere, but then forsaken, we like

comets, err: tossed through the void, by some rude shock

we’re broke, and all our boasted fire is lost in smoke.”

William Congrave said that.

SWIFT: Maybe you are a little romantic.

CLYDE: No, I just memorize well.

COPERNICUS: Stargazers! Can I get your attention please!

All of you; please make sure your telescopes are lined up to

the coordinates I gave you yesterday; otherwise you might

miss seeing the Antilles Sungrazer Comet as it passes by.

(Everyone but Ripley spends a few seconds lining up their

telescope until they are all facing in the same direction.

Ripley runs around the telescopes with arms wide pretending

to be a space ship.)

RIPLEY: It’s going to land! And I am going to be the first

human ambassador to the aliens! (In a sing song voice)

Aliens, alieennnss, alllieennnssss!

COPERNICUS: Ripley! Ripley! Why don’t you go find

someone to share telescopes with so you don’t miss it?

MARIA: I am not sharing with Ripley!

ED: Me neither!

(Ripley runs passed Maria)

MARIA: Go away Ripley, I mean it! My telescope is all

adjusted and if you bump it I’ll have to start all over again!

4

RIPLEY: (Pretends to shoot gamma rays at Maria’s

telescope and makes shooting sounds)

COPERNICUS: Will someone please volunteer to share

telescopes with Ripley!

SWIFT: You can share mine, I don’t mind.

COPERNICUS: Thanks Swift. (Pause) Ripley say thank

you.

RIPLEY: (Sing song voice) Thhhhaaaankkkk yooooouuuu!

(Still running around.)

COPERNICUS: And stop running around, you might knock

something over.

ED: If you knock my telescope over you’ll have to pay for it,

and it’s a brand new Celestron Nextar 8, and it was more than

a thousand dollars!

RIPLEY: Too bad your celestial telescope is useless!

Because it’s not a comet it’s a spacccccesssshhhhip!

ED: Celestron!

SWIFT: Come on over here Ripley, you can look through my

telescope, it’s an Orion SkyQuest, my grandpa gave it to me

for my birthday.

ED: A SkyQuest! That’s nothing compared to mine!

SWIFT: I like it just fine, thank you very much.

ED: Mine can see over 38,000 objects at one time, how many

can yours see?

COPERNICUS: Ed, stop bragging, everyone will be able to

see the comet perfectly with the telescope they’ve got.

SWIFT: (Looking through her telescope.) Here Ripley, look

at this, it’s Orion’s Belt. It’s my favorite now, because that’s

the name of my telescope too. My favorite used to be the Big

Dipper, but that’s mostly because it was the only constellation

I could find. It’s hard to believe the stars in Orion’s Belt are

so far away.

RIPLEY: (Looking through the telescope) Yeah, I guess it’s

okay.

SWIFT: It’s more than okay; it’s the most beautiful thing I

have ever seen!

RIPLEY: I’m not really into stars.

SWIFT: Then why are you a Stargazer?

RIPLEY: I only joined this club so that I could be here when

the aliens arrive. I brought them Snoballs.

SWIFT: That was nice of you. Do you really think the comet

is a space ship full of aliens?

RIPLEY: Yup, and it’s not just me, lots of people think the

same thing. (Pulling out a copy of the National Inquirer and

flipping through its pages) See, look here, here’s an article all

about it. See it says here (Reading) “The comet known as the

Antilles Sungrazer is not really a comet at all. We have been

monitoring the supposed comet’s progress across the galaxy

and can report with certainty that it is headed, not for it’s once

a decade trip around the sun, but straight at earth. We can

further report to you that the actual Antilles Sungrazer was

destroyed ten years ago when it flew to close to the sun and

got sucked in by its gravity and the aliens are just using the

comets usual trajectory to mask the fact that they are coming

to invade the earth!”

SWIFT: How can they be invading, I thought you said you

were going to be the earth’s ambassador?

RIPLEY: You can’t believe everything you read. The

National Inquirer sometimes get things wrong, the aliens will

come in peace as long as they are given Snoballs!

SWIFT: And where did you learn that? I mean, how did you

know The National Inquirer got that part wrong?

RIPLEY: Oh, I have a better source that I use sometimes!

Internet Bloggers!

(There are a few moments of quiet, as everyone looks up

through their telescopes)

COPERNICUS: Stargazers! Can anyone tell me where the

moon is?

MARIA: No idea.

COPERNICUS: Anyone else?

KELPER: It’s a New Moon. There’s no light shinning on it,

so we can’t see it.

MARIA: I love that book!

COPERNICUS: Excellent Mr. Kepler! And who can tell me

why that’s good for us that it’s a New Moon?

GALLY: Me too! It’s so romantic!

CLYDE: Because the sky is darker, so it will make the comet

easier to see.

COPERNICUS: That is correct! If all goes as planned

tonight we should see the Antilles Sungrazer comet better than

anyone has in over a hundred years.

SWIFT: This is the best night of my life!

ED: I have the best view that any one has had in a hundred

years!

KEPLER: This is the worst night of my life! All that work,

for nothing.

(Gally walks over to Kepler.)

GALLY: What do you mean for nothing?

KEPLER: My dad and I built this telescope specifically for

me to watch this comet. And then I spent days figuring out

the math to determine the best spot on the hill was to get the

perfect view of the comet as it passes by. That was my spot! I

should have kept my mouth shut. I should never have told Ed

where the spot was, I should have known he’d take it.

GALLY: Probably.

KEPLER: I’m so dumb.

GALLY: You’re not dumb; you’re the smartest boy in

Stargazers. You’re just too trusting.

KEPLER: Great, just what I want to be, gullible.

GALLY: I’m sorry; I didn’t mean that how it sounded, I

mean, um, I don’t know what I mean. It’s just that you expect

the best out of people, because you always give your best, and

you always do the right thing, but not everyone does; so

sometimes trusting everyone is not always best thing, I guess,

is what I’m trying to say. Oh, I don’t know, forget I said

anything.

KEPLER: Don’t worry; I get what you’re trying to say.

Thanks.

GALLY: You’re welcome. (Pause) Well, see ya!

(Gally walks back over to her telescope.)

MARIA: That was so pathetic.

GALLY: I know.

MARIA: No really, I’ve never seen anything like it.

5

GALLY: I can’t help it. It’s like when I’m around him my

brain just spontaneously turns off, and then my mouth opens

and before I know it I’ve made a fool out of myself again.

MARIA: You could just tell him you like him.

GALLY: Oh no, I could never do that. He’s so smart and so

cute and he makes me so nervous, if I tried to tell him, who

knows what I would say.

MARIA: You think Kelper’s cute?

GALLY: Don’t you?

MARIA: Not my type.

GALLY: I just wish I could talk to him without making a

fool of myself.

MARIA: I could, if it were me.

GALLY: I know, but that’s just not me. I’ll just sit here;

from this distance at least I can’t speak to him.

MARIA: Yeah, all you can do is stare.

GALLY: I wish I could be more like you.

MARIA: Let me take a look at your horoscope, maybe it will

reveal something helpful. What’s your sign?

GALLY: I have no idea?

MARIA: When’s your birthday?

GALLY: May 11th.

MARIA: (Flipping though the newspaper, then reads) That

means you’re a Taurus, it’s amazing that you don’t know these

things.

GALLY: I find it more amazing that you do.

MARIA: “This could be your lucky day, Taurus, especially

in matters of the heart. You may feel particularly close to your

special someone, as well as others in your immediate circle of

friends. This is due in part to the planetary configuration. It

shows your intuition and optimism running high. Use this to

your advantage, but keep your expectations realistic.”

GALLY: What does that even mean?

MARIA: It means today is the day that you’re going to tell

Kepler you like him.

GALLY: (Looking at the news paper) How can you believe

in this stuff?

MARIA: It’s in the actual newspaper, it’s not like I’m Ripley

with The National Inquirer.

GALLY: Still, how can you believe in astrology, it’s all

superstition.

MARIA: Astrology has been around for thousands of years,

just as long as astronomy.

GALLY: But astronomy is science, astrology is…not.

MARIA: You’re just saying that because you don’t want to

talk to Kepler. Give me back my paper; I need to find out

what’s in store for me tonight. (Reads) “This is a very

important day with lots of action. You are very focused and

attentive in all the appropriate places. Not to worry, you will

see the positive results of your actions soon enough. You have

lots of physical energy this evening and it would be a good

time to involve yourself with some fun activity with. Being

outdoors can be most stimulating at this time of year. This

evening you may find your thoughts turn to self-improvement.

You may search long and hard to find clever ways in which to

improve on something you do or something you feel needs

changing. You will also make peace with an enemy. Faith

and your abilities will take you far.” See, it fits totally, we’re

outside, I have lots of energy, and this is a fun activity, my

horoscope makes perfect sense. Now I just need to find a

clever way in which to improve on something that I feel needs

changing.

GALLY: What are you thinking?

MARIA: Maybe I’ll work on making Ripley believe that

aliens really don’t exist.

GALLY: Oh, don’t.

MARIA: What do you mean don’t; he drives me nuts with all

his talk about how the comet isn’t really a comet. And don’t

get me started about the Snoballs! Ugh! He drives me nuts!

GALLY: Don’t burst his bubble, he’ll be sad enough when

he realizes the truth when the comet passes by us and doesn’t

land.

MARIA: I guess you’re right.

GALLY: Who are you going to make peace with?

MARIA: I don’t know, the only person who I don’t get along

with here is Ed, and I can’t see that happening.

GALLY: God forbid, then I might have to hang out with him

outside of this club!

COPERNICUS: Stargazers, if I could have your attention,

there’s some interesting airglow to the west, where the sun set,

you may want to take a look.

SWIFT: Oh it’s so pretty! It’s almost the perfect shade of

pink!

CLYDE: That’s funny.

SWIFT: What’s funny?

CLYDE: Oh, nothing, um, well, I just didn’t think you were

such a girl.

SWIFT: What do you mean?

CLYDE: It’s just that I thought only girlie girls liked pink,

you know, like Maria.

SWIFT: (Clearly hurt) Oh.

CLYDE: Sorry.

SWIFT: Its okay, I’m used to it.

CLYDE: So, you like pink?

SWIFT: It’s my favorite color. I love seeing it in the sky; it’s

so amazing that the sky can have so many colors in it!

CLYDE: Is that why you joined Stargazers?

SWIFT: Partly, mostly I just love the universe and all the

stars and I love thinking about all the different kinds of people

who could be out there, just waiting to be discovered.

CLYDE: Like aliens?

SWIFT: Sort of, I guess, I mean not like Ripley, but I believe

we’re not alone. I think that Stargazing really put’s things into

perspective; my problems don’t seem so bad when you think

about how big the universe is and how little that makes us.

Also, stars are so pretty.

CLYDE: You’re such a girl.

SWIFT: Of course I am.

COPERNICUS: Don’t forget to keep a good count of the

shooting stars you see.

ED: They aren’t really shooting stars Copernicus, they’re just

rocks burning up while entering earth’s atmosphere.

COPERNICUS: Thank you Ed. Remember, you should

expect to see at least one rock entering earth’s atmosphere

every 10-15 minutes.

(They stare into their telescopes for a few moments.)

CLYDE: I’ve counted three so far Copernicus.

COPERNICUS: Does everyone have the same number?

6

ED: I’ve got four.

MARIA: It’s cheating if you let your computer count them

for you, you probably didn’t see any of them.

ED: You’re just jealous cause I have a computer to count for

me.

MARIA: Cheater.

ED: It’s not cheating, I celebrated the computer to count the

rocks entering earth’s atmosphere, so it’s not cheating.

COPERNICUS: Maria, Ed can use his computer if he wants

to.

ED: Ha! I told you it wasn’t cheating!

SWIFT: I wish they would stop fighting.

CLYDE: Never going to happen.

SWIFT: But can’t you see they both really like each other,

deep down.

CLYDE: It must be way deep down; all they ever do is fight.

SWIFT: You can tell by the way they look at each other.

CLYDE: All I see when they look at each other is two angry

people.

SWIFT: You have to look at them when they aren’t fighting,

see look at Ed now.

(Ed is looking at Maria, with a smile on his face)

CLYDE: Huh, that’s funny. But Maria still hates Ed.

SWIFT: I don’t think she does, at least not deep down, but

maybe she doesn’t realize it yet.

CLYDE: It would be nice if they got together, then at least

we wouldn’t have to hear them fighting.

SWIFT: Oh, I think they’d still fight, even if they were

together. In fact, I bet it would be worse.

CLYDE: In that case, I hope it never happens.

ED: Copernicus! Copernicus!

COPERNICUS: Yes Ed.

ED: There’s a fireball!

COPERNICUS: What!?

ED: A fireball! There! (He points)

COPERNICUS: I can’t believe our luck! Does everyone see

the trail?

EVERYONE: (Chorus of yes, no and I’m not sure)

MARIA: What’s a fireball?

ED: Don’t you know anything?

MARIA: Back off Ed, I haven’t been in Stargazers as long as

you have.

RIPLEY: It’s the aliens, they’ve come early! Where’s the

Snoball?! I need the Snoball so I can keep my brain!

COPERNICUS: It’s not aliens, a fireball is the light created

by a meteoroid that doesn’t burn up completely when it enters

earths atmosphere the way shooting stars do, it’s at that point

that it becomes a meteorite.

RIPLEY: Are you sure it’s not the aliens?

COPERNICUS: Yes, I’m sure.

MARIA: But if it doesn’t burn up, then what happens to it.

COPERNICUS: It hits the earth.

EVERYONE: (Chorus of what happened to it? Where did it

hit?)

COPERNICUS: Calm down everyone! Ed, can that fancy

telescope of yours tell us where the meteorite hit?

ED: Of course it can.

(Ed frantically fiddles around with the knobs and buttons on

his telescope, and types on his laptop, it would be good if

there were computer sound effects during this bit.)

MARIA: Come on Ed, don’t you know how to work that

thing?

ED: Just give me a minute; I need to look at the manual.

MARIA: All that technology and no brain to use it.

ED: I’ve never done this before.

COPERNICUS: Let me take a look at that manual Ed.

ED: I can do it, hold on a sec!

KEPLER: It hit about a hundred miles off the coast.

ED: You have no way to know that, you’re piece of crap

telescope doesn’t have a computer in it.

KEPLER: I did the math.

ED: That’s not possible.

KEPLER: Sure it is, I used my homemade telescope to

measure the trail, and I used the stars in the sky to map the

trajectory, then I used what I learned in Mr. Wells’ geometry

class to do the math.

COPERNICUS: Nice work Kepler. Mind if I take a look at

your math?

KEPLER: Sure.

MARIA: Brain beats technology every time.

ED: Shut it Maria.

MARIA: You’re just upset that Kepler beat you.

ED: He didn’t beat me! My telescope is better than his!

MARIA: To bad all that technology needs a brain to work it!

COPERNICUS: Well, that was exciting!

(Gally walks over to Kepler)

GALLY: That was awesome math Kepler.

KEPLER: Thanks.

GALLY: It was nice to see Ed shown up, it doesn’t happen

very often.

KEPLER: Yeah, but that’s not why I did it.

GALLY: What did you do it then?

KEPLER: I like math, and I wanted to see if I could figure it

out.

GALLY: Oh. Your telescope is pretty cool.

KEPLER: Thanks, my dad and I made it.

GALLY: Awesome. My dad has trouble changing a light

bulb. What does your dad do?

KEPLER: He’s an engineer, or he was an engineer, before he

got laid off.

GALLY: Oh, I’m sorry.

KEPLER: Yeah, it kind of sucks, we had to move in with my

Grandparents, but at least now I get to see my dad all the time,

before he used to work really long hours, so we never got to

spend any time together.

GALLY: And now you’ve built this awesome telescope.

KEPLER: Yeah, I guess it is pretty awesome. (Pause) I’ll

never forget the look on Ed’s face when I got the answer

before he did.

GALLY: Yeah, it was pretty cool.

(Gally walks back to Maria)

MARIA: That was better, at least you weren’t babbling.

7

GALLY: I just focused on not saying every thought in my

head.

MARIA: Now you just need to tell him how you feel.

GALLY: I don’t think I can do that.

MARIA: You mean you don’t want to.

GALLY: No, I mean I can’t, every time I try my voice stops

working and my stomach feels like it’s doing circles inside

me. And then when I look into his eyes, my mouth goes dry

because they are so pretty, he’s like the most handsome boy

I’ve ever seen…I really don’t think I’m able to tell him, my

voice just doesn’t work when I’m around him.

MARIA: Kind of like the little mermaid.

GALLY: I guess, only a witch didn’t take away my voice…

MARIA: Kepler did.

GALLY: I just like him so much!

MARIA: That is so sad.

GALLY: I know. And I don’t think there’s anything I can do

about it.

CLYDE: Copernicus? How often do meteorites hit the earth?

COPERNICUS: A few times a day.

CLYDE: But how come we never hear about it?

COPERNICUS: Because they usually hit unpopulated areas;

or the water…it’s only about every 10,000 years that we get

hit by a big one, then we really to take notice.

KEPLER: It was a meteor that killed the dinosaurs wasn’t it

Copernicus?

COPERNICUS: It’s one of the theories, one I happen to

agree with.

RIPLEY: A meteorite didn’t kill the dinosaurs; they were all

taken away to space by aliens who wanted them for their zoos.

MARIA: Then why are their bones still here?

RIPLEY: Because, the aliens didn’t take the ones that were

already dead, duh!

MARIA: Then how do you know about it?

RIPLEY: Because, there was this story, in the newspaper,

about this guy who had been abducted by aliens and they took

him to the zoo to see the dinosaurs.

MARIA: And by newspaper, you mean The National

Inquirer.

RIPLEY: Of course.

GALLY: Maria!

MARIA: Alright then.

(Gally pulls Maria back to their telescopes.)

COPERNICUS: Stargazers. Can any of you spot any

satellites? There should be a few up there, weather satellites,

and cable satellites…

RIPLEY: And government satellites, waiting to spot the

aliens so they can get them before anyone sees them!

ED: Really Ripley, enough already.

COPERNICUS: Actually Ripley is right.

ED: What?!

COPERNICUS: There should be some government satellites

up there as well.

RIPLEY: Told ya!

MARIA: But they aren’t trying to stop us from seeing aliens.

RIPLEY: That’s what the paper says.

GALLY: Maria!

MARIA: What? I was just saying.

SWIFT: Ripley, why don’t you come over here and help me

adjust my lenses.

RIPLEY: Okay.

(Ripley leaves the Snoballs next to the cooler)

SWIFT: Don’t let them get to you.

RIPLEY: I don’t.

SWIFT: Really?

RIPLEY: It doesn’t matter what they say now, they will all

see later that I was right.

SWIFT: I wish I had your confidence.

RIPLEY: It’s just a matter of believing in what you believe

in.

SWIFT: I don’t get it.

RIPLEY: I believe aliens exist and that they are coming, so

because I believe in it, it doesn’t matter what other people say,

to me it’s the truth, and if it’s the truth than how could anyone

make me not believe it, no matter what they say or how much

they say it. And that’s my truth, that aliens exist and that they

are coming tonight!

SWIFT: I think I understand.

RIPLEY: I thought you would.

SWIFT: I really hope you’re right about the aliens; it would

be so cool.

RIPLEY: I had a feeling you were a believer.

SWIFT: Of course I am, but for me it’s more of a theoretical

thing, I theoretically believe on life on other planets, but my

belief is more abstract, I have a hard time picturing an actual

encounter.

RIPLEY: I believe with everything I am.

SWIFT: I wish I could, but it’s hard to believe in something

that you can’t see or touch.

RIPLEY: That’s how most believers are.

SWIFT: What about you Clyde?

CLYDE: What, ah, eleven.

SWIFT: Huh?

CLYDE: Sorry, that’s the number of shooting stars I’ve seen

so far tonight. What was the question?

SWIFT: Do you believe there’s life on other planets?

CLYDE: I guess so, I’ve never really thought about it.

RIPLEY: That’s not surprising, a lot of people fall into that

category. See, 50 percent of people are like Swift, theoretical

believers, then there’s the 10 percent like me, and then there’s

the 25 percent like you.

CLYDE: Where are you getting this information?

RIPLEY: There was a chart in the paper last week, I cut it

out. (Rummages in backpack to pull out the chart) See, it’s all

right there in black and white.

SWIFT: What does it say about the other 15 percent?

RIPLEY: The other 15 percent are like Ed. They won’t

believe until an alien comes right up to them and hits them on

the head.

SWIFT: Or sucks their brain out.

CLYDE: I’d love to see an alien suck out Ed’s brain.

SWIFT: Wouldn’t we all.

RIPLEY: I bet they wouldn’t like the taste.

CLYDE: Yeah, I bet they’d spit his brains right back out.

COPERNICUS: Stargazers! Who can tell me what a

circumpolar star is?

8

MARIA: A star that goes around the north poll?

ED: Maria, why don’t you just sit there and look cute.

MARIA: Awe, Ed, you think I’m cute?

ED: (Flustered) That’s not what I meant Maria! I meant

don’t speak; you never know the right answer so your words

are a waste of oxygen.

MARIA: Was I talking to you Ed?

COPERNICUS: Ed, that was uncalled for.

ED: A Circumpolar star is a star that doesn’t move with the

seasons.

KEPLER: It’s a star that never sets.

COPERNICUS: Very good Kelper.

MARIA: Ha! Now who’s the waste of air!

COPERNICUS: Can anyone name the circumpolar stars in

our region?

MARIA: I know this!

ED: (With sarcasm) Sure you do.

MARIA: Shut up Ed; just give me a minute to think…oh, it’s

a movie, um, um, you know…

ED: Um, no, I don’t believe we know.

MARIA: Winona Rider was in it, you know, before she went

crazy and started shoplifting…my dad loves this movie, I just

can’t think of what it’s called!

ED: We’re going to need a few more details.

MARIA: Oh, it has, it has that dead guy in it who, like, wants

to marry Winona Rider’s character…

ED: You mean Beatle Juice?

MARIA: That’s the one. The star’s called Beatlejuice!

COPERNICUS: Exactly!

COPERNICUS: Very good Maria!

SWIFT: Orion’s Belt!

COPERNICUS: Very good Swift!

RIPLEY: (In a singsong voice) Orionnnnssss Belllltttt!

COPERNICUS: Moving on…Who can tell me what an

inferior planet is?

GALLY: A planet that’s closer to the sun than we are.

COPERNICUS: Excellent Gally! Are there any inferior

planets visible right now?

MARIA: The Goddess of Love!

ED: There’s no planet called the goddess of love!

MARIA: I beg to differ Ed, I may not know my stars, but I

know my mythology, and the goddess of love is Venus.

COPERNICUS: Maria, you are correct!

RIPLEY: (In the same singsong voice, he repeats the names

of the planets until Copernicus tells him to stop) Mercury,

Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and

Pluto.

KELPER: Technically Pluto is no longer a planet.

GALLY: Oh that was so mean!

CLYDE: I was so depressed that day.

GALLY: It’s like the moment in history I will always

remember, like the day I got my braces off, or the Kennedy

Assassination.

SWIFT: It just wasn’t fair for Pluto, being a plant for like 60

years and then demoted to a floating block of ice, like so many

other floating blocks of ice in a sea of black.

CLYDE: Don’t remind me.

KELPER: Technically it was always just a hunk of ice,

because before 2006 there wasn’t an official scientific

definition for what a planet was. People called Pluto a planet,

but it never really was one.

CLYDE: I feel sick, that was the worst day of my life and

this is just making me feel all those feelings again…Pluto was

my favorite planet, or it was before it was demoted. Pluto was

just out there; the farthest planet in our solar system, holding

its own against the rest of the universe. (Pause) I guess Pluto

always reminded me of me a little. Out there, on its own;

doing its own thing, living its own life, not bothering

anyone…Then BAM! One day a bunch of scientists come

along and say it’s not a planet anymore; it’s just a block of ice!

They say it’s not my…it’s just not fair…Can we talk about

something else please?

COPERNICUS: Right again Kepler. Ripley! Thank you for

reminding us of the names of the planets, you can stop now!

Who can tell me which inferior planet isn’t visible?

MARIA: The Messenger of the Gods!

ED: I suppose that’s Mercury?

MARIA: Yes he is! And that’s the inferior planet that we

can’t see!

COPERNICUS: Correct again Maria!

ED: I can’t believe you’re smart.

MARIA: Smarter than you.

ED: You wish!

MARIA: Don’t get mad at me, it’s not my fault I know more

about the planets than you do.

ED: It’ll take more than two right answers to prove you’re as

smart as me.

MARIA: I don’t need to prove anything to you!

(Maria walks back to her telescope)

MARIA: He’s such a jerk.

GALLY: “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.”

MARIA: Huh?

GALLY: It’s Hamlet.

MARIA: What’s that got to do with me and Ed fighting?

GALLY: I think you like him just a little, and that’s why

you’re spending so much time fighting with him to get his

attention, although I can’t figure out why.

MARIA: Have you been eating paint chips or something?

GALLY: Getting awfully emotional about it aren’t you?

MARIA: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

GALLY: I think you do, I think you secretly like Ed a whole

lot.

MARIA: Ewe…don’t make me gag.

GALLY: Love is a funny thing, one minute you want to kill a

person and the next you want to kiss them.

MARIA: I do not want to kiss Ed.

GALLY: I think you might, and what’s even stranger; I think

Ed wants to kiss you.

ED: Copernicus!

COPERNICUS: What?

ED: I’m hungry.

COPERNICUS: That’s why we brought the cooler full of

food, go grab yourself something.

ED: Can you watch my telescope?

COPERNICUS: No one is going to touch your telescope Ed,

just go get some food.

ED: Everyone better stay out of my square.

9

MARIA: (To Gally) There’s no way!

GALLY: That’s what they said about Einstein’s Theory of

Relativity…and yet, here we are.

MARIA: But look at him, he’s too worried about his

telescope to go get food, I couldn’t possibly!

GALLY: Again, I think you are protesting too much.

MARIA: Oh God! I think I’m going to throw up. I must be

out of my mind!

GALLY: That’s what I’m saying.

COPERNICUS: Ed, just go get some food! No one is going

to touch your stuff!

ED: Alright! Seriously though, everyone stay out of my

square.

COPERNICUS: Everyone give me a shooting star count!

MARIA: Eight.

GALLY: Eight.

KELPER: Fourteen.

SWIFT: Thirteen.

CLYDE: Fifteen.

(Ed walks to the cooler, opens it, moves some food around,

then closes the cooler again. Everyone is looking though their

telescopes. Ed looks around and sees the Snoball Ripley

brought for the aliens, he picks it up, opens it, and eats it, then

he goes back to his telescope.)

ED: No one better have touched anything!

COPERNICUS: You good now Ed?

ED: Yeah, everything still looks alright.

COPERNICUS: And how many shooting stars has your

telescope seen?

ED: Sixteen.

COPERNICUS: Good. Okay everybody we’re about a half

hour from show time, make sure you’re ready. The Antilles

Sungrazer isn’t going to slow down so you can focus your

lenses. Oh, and don’t forget! Our last meeting of the year is

next Wednesday night in the school parking lot. There’s

going to be a prize for whomever can spot the most shooting

stars.

MARIA: Copernicus! That’s not fair! Ed will win

automatically because his computer counts for him! He’s

going to cheat!

ED: I’m not going to cheat!

MARIA: You’d better not.

COPERNICUS: Ed and I have already talked about it Maria,

that night he’s leaving his computer at home, so you all will

have the same chance to win.

(Maria walks over to Ed.)

MARIA: Sorry I called you a cheater.

ED: It’s fine.

MARIA: What does that button do?

ED: Don’t touch anything Maria! Just back away!

MARIA: I’m not touching anything! I just had a question!

Gosh! Can’t I just have a question! Why do you always think

someone is messing with your stuff! You’re delusional! No

one wants your stuff! Just because it cost a lot of money and

it’s all high tech doesn’t mean we all want to touch it, or break

it, or whatever goes through your mind when you freak out!

Gheash!

ED: Okay, okay, sorry! (Pause) This button can make

whatever I look at in the telescope appear on the screen; then I

can zoom in and get a closer look at whatever I want.

MARIA: Cool. Was that so hard?

ED: I guess not.

MARIA: Why do you have to be so nuts?

ED: Why do you?

MARIA: We’re not talking about me right now, we’re

talking about you.

ED: I guess because when I was a kid there were people who

only wanted to be friends with me because I had money.

MARIA: So now you’d rather not have any friends?

ED: Ouch.

MARIA: Sorry, but you do kind of alienate yourself from

everyone, don’t you?

ED: Maybe I do.

MARIA: Maybe you should stop.

ED: Maybe I will.

COPERNICUS: Any minute now and we’ll be able to see

the comet!

RIPLEY: It’s not a comet, it’s the aliens! How many times

do I have to say it! (Sing song voice) Aliens! Aliens!

Allllieeens!!!

ED: He’s nuts.

MARIA: I agree. (Pause) I need to go adjust my lenses.

(Maria goes back to her telescope)

GALLY: I was so right, you’ve got it bad!

MARIA: At least I can talk to him.

GALLY: Are you going to do anything about it?

MARIA: I don’t know; we’ve been fighting for so long…it’d

be weird.

GALLY: Maybe, maybe not. My parents are in love and

they fight all the time.

SWIFT: Oh! I think I see something! Copernicus! I think

the comet is coming!

COPERNICUS: Where?!?

SWIFT: Over there! (Points) Oh, wait, oh, I think it’s just a

shooting star, sorry, false alarm. It is a really big shooting star

though!

COPERNICUS: No worries Swift, I’d rather have a dozen

false alarms than miss the comet.

RIPLEY: It’s not a comet! It’s…

COPERNICUS: We know Ripley! Its aliens! Why don’t

you go prepare for their visit!

RIPLEY: Right! Good idea Sir!

(Ripley begins looking around.)

RIPLEY: Where is it? It was right here, but it’s not now?

Where is it? Who’s got it?

MARIA: Ripley, what are you talking about?

RIPLEY: The gift!

MARIA: You mean the Snoballs? No one touched your

Snoballs; I’m sure you just set them down somewhere and

then forgot where you put them.

RIPLEY: They were right here!

10

COPERNICUS: What’s going on?

RIPLEY: Someone took my Snoballs!

MARIA: He lost his Snoballs.

COPERNICUS: Did anyone see any Snoballs?

ED: I ate some.

RIPLEY: You what?!

ED: I was hungry and they were just lying there, what’s the

big deal?

RIPLEY: What’s the big deal! What’s the big deal! Those

Snoballs were the only thing standing between us and a bunch

of brain-hungry aliens! That’s the big deal!

ED: Dude, calm down’ they’re just Snoballs. I’ll buy you a

whole boxful tomorrow.

RIPLEY: Tomorrow we’ll all be mindless drones controlled

by brain-sucking aliens! That’s why I brought the Snoballs!

ED: Ripley, there are no such things as aliens!

RIPLEY: I’ll just have to go get some more. I’m going to

run to the store, I’ll be back in a minute.

COPERNICUS: No one is going anywhere, you’re parents

have left you under my supervision for the night and that’s

that, no one is going wandering off into the dark alone!

RIPLEY: Well, can I borrow the bus, I promise to bring it

right back!

COPERNICUS: Ripley, you’re only 15!

RIPLEY: There won’t be a scratch on it, I swear!

COPERNICUS: Ripley, you don’t have a driver’s license.

RIPLEY: But this is an emergency, aren’t there exceptions to

rules like that in case of emergency!

COPERNICUS: I don’t think the police would consider this

an emergency.

RIPLEY: Could you drive then? I just want to go up to the

Dairy Mart to get another package, it’ll only take a minute, I

promise!

COPERNICUS: We can’t risk missing the comet. I’m sorry

Ripley.

RIPLEY: But what am I supposed to give the aliens?

COPERNICUS: Isn’t their anything in the cooler you can

give them?

RIPLEY: Are there Snoballs in the cooler?

(Swift walks to the cooler and opens it.)

SWIFT: There are bottles of water, and some oranges, a few

apples and some trail mix. I don’t see any Snoballs.

RIPLEY: It’s all over then. The aliens are going to suck out

my brain. I’m not going to get to be the first earth ambassador

to the aliens; I’m going to be a mindless drone. My life is

over! (Ripley walks down Left, Gally and Maria follow.)

GALLY: I’m sorry about your Snoballs Ripley.

(Gally nudges Maria)

MARIA: Me too.

RIPLEY: It’s okay. It was a stupid idea. I was dumb to

think of bringing Snoballs to aliens, they probably don’t like

earth food. (Pause) They probably don’t even exist.

GALLY: Of course they exist; I believe there are life forms

other than us in the universe. Don’t you Maria?

(Gally nudges Maria)

MARIA: Sure.

RIPLEY: You do? You’re not just saying that?

GALLY: Sure we do, and of course you’d want to give them

a gift, that’s the nice thing to do.

(Swift and Clyde walk to Ripley)

SWIFT: I’m really sorry about your gift Ripley.

CLYDE: Yeah, real sorry dude.

RIPLEY: I appreciate that.

GALLY: Can we help you find another gift?

RIPLEY: Its okay, I don’t think I believe in aliens anymore.

SWIFT: But what about your truth?

RILPEY: Ed ate it along with the Snoballs.

(Kepler joins them)

KEPLER: Don’t give up hope, there’s life on other planets.

MARIA: There is?

KEPLER: Sure.

SWIFT: Mathematically speaking there must be; I mean

there are millions and millions of stars and billions of planets;

at least a few of them must have intelligent life.

KEPLER: The odds are that they don’t yet have the

technology to travel the universe, just like we don’t, but that

doesn’t mean we never will.

GALLY: Yeah Ripley! Maybe you’ll be the person who

invents the technology for us to visit them!

RIPLEY: That’d be pretty sweet.

GALLY: And when you travel to another planet, we promise

to stock your ship with Snoballs.

SWIFT: Lots and lots of Snoballs.

(Gally nudges Maria)

MARIA: We promise.

RIPLEY: Thanks guys, I mean it, I didn’t think anything

could shake my truth.

GALLY: Everyone’s truth gets shaken sometimes, we’re

only human.

KEPLER: Yeah Ripley, Gally’s right, no one can be certain

of everything all the time.

RIPLEY: Right! And we still get to see the comet! Um, can

I look with someone, I didn’t bring my telescope.

SWIFT: You can look with me.

(Swift takes Ripley’s hand and they go over to her telescope.)

KEPLER: He’ll be okay.

MARIA: Yeah, I’m sure he’ll be singing about aliens again

any minute now.

(Maria and Gally start to walk away, Kepler grabs Gally’s

hand)

KEPLER: That was really nice, you really cheered him up.

GALLY: (Looking down at her hand) You too.

KEPLER: I’ve always really liked you, but I think now I like

you more.

11

GALLY: Me too. I mean, I’ve always liked you too.

KEPLER: Do you think you might want to watch stars

sometime with me, just the two of us.

GALLY: Two of us…yes!

KEPLER: Can I call you tomorrow?

GALLY: (Nodding) Uh-huh.

KEPLER: I’ll call you tomorrow then.

GALLY: Okay.

(Kepler releases Gally’s hand, and then walks back to his

telescope, Gally just stands there for a moment, Maria walks

over to her and brings her back to their telescopes.)

MARIA: See I told you tonight was your night.

GALLY: He held my hand.

MARIA: I saw that.

GALLY: Did I answer him? I don’t remember!

MARIA: He’s going to call you tomorrow and you’re going

to go stargazing together.

GALLY: Wow!

MARIA: My thoughts exactly, you went from not being able

to stop talking around him to speaking in monosyllables. You

need to find a happy medium. Maybe you should try a

complete sentence next time.

GALLY: I’ll try, but my mouth stopped working when he

grabbed my hand, it’s like my whole brain was in my hand.

When he held it, it got all tingly.

MARIA: Like the feeling you get when your foot falls

asleep.

GALLY: Kind of, but it was a good feeling, not a bad one.

MARIA: That is too weird.

GALLY: I know; I’ve never felt anything like it before. I

wonder what my horoscope will say tomorrow.

MARIA: Another convert! I knew it was just a matter of

time!

GALLY: I was converted the moment he touched my hand.

(Looking at her hand) Do you think it’d be too gross if I never

washed it again?

MARIA: Uh, yes! What will you do if you ever kiss him?

Never brush your teeth again?

GALLY: Maybe?

MARIA: I hope I never like a boy so much that I forgo

personal hygiene.

(Beat)

COPERNICUS: Stargazers! There are a few interesting

facts about the Antilles Sungrazer that I would like to share

with you before she arrives.

ED: Why is it a she, why not a he?

COPERNICUS: I don’t know Ed, that’s just what I said, it

could be a he.

ED: Isn’t it a little sexist to make the comet a she?

COPERNICUS: I suppose so, but it just doesn’t feel right

calling it, an it. Does care if I call it a she?

EVERYONE: No.

ED: I care.

COPERNICUS: Does anyone besides Ed care.

EVERYONE: No.

ED: That’s not fair!

COPERNICUS: Majority rules. As I was saying; the

Antilles Sungrazer was first noticed by humans during the

reign of Ramses II of Egypt, and for a time, it was thought to

bring messages from the gods, specifically Isis. It was also

thought that if you were born on the day that the Antilles

Sungrazer passed by than your life would be lucky. Alright

everyone, keep your eyes on the sky, it will only be a few

more minutes! Now, where’s that trail mix! Everyone, grab a

snack; we’re going to need all our energy tanks on full when

the comet gets here!

(Maria walks to Ed)

MARIA: That really wasn’t fair.

ED: Whatever.

MARIA: He really shouldn’t have called the comet a she, I

mean, that’s like personifisomething…

ED: Personification.

MARIA: Right, personification. In science they tell us not to

do that.

ED: That’s what I was saying!

MARIA: I know, but did you ever think that it might not be

what you say, but how you say it?

ED: No.

MARIA: My point exactly. Maybe you could work on that.

(Pause)

ED: You may be right.

MARIA: I know.

ED: You know; you’re not so bad one on one.

MARIA: Neither are you.

ED: Huh. Its funny isn’t it.

MARIA: Yeah, when I woke up this morning I never would

have thought this would happen. But I really should have

known, my horoscope did say something about it.

ED: Oh boy.

MARIA: No really it did. My horoscope is almost always

right.

ED: You do realize that’s because they make them so vague

that they could apply to almost every situation.

MARIA: Maybe, but maybe not. It said I’d make peace with

an enemy.

ED: Enemy huh?

MARIA: Well, not anymore.

ED: What am I now?

MARIA: I don’t know.

ED: Me neither.

MARIA: I guess we both don’t know the answer this time.

(Ed leans over and kisses Maria on the cheek.)

ED: I bet your horoscope didn’t say anything about that.

MARIA: No, I don’t think it did.

ED: So, when are we going out?

MARIA: Confidence, I like that. This weekend?

ED: Friday?

MARIA: Okay.

ED: I’ll pick you up at seven.

12

(Maria walks back to her telescope)

GALLY: What was that! I may go blind from what I just

saw.

MARIA: I may never wash my face again.

GALLY: Kepler will have to get used to Ed if we’re going to

double date.

RIPLEY: I think I see something! I think the Antilles

Sungrazer comet is coming!

COPERNICUS: I thought you said aliens were coming?

RIPLEY: Naw, someday I’m going to visit them!

COPERNICUS: Alright everyone, this is it! Everyone,

telescopes and cameras ready!

SWIFT: I see it! Wow! It’s so bright!

GALLY: It’s amazing!

MARIA: Sweet!

ED: I’m recording right now! We’ll have the whole thing on

tape to watch later!

COPERNICUS: Awesome Ed!

CLYDE: This is the greatest night ever!

(Clyde leans over and kisses Swift on the cheek.)

SWIFT: What was that for?

CLYDE: I figured since everyone else was expressing their

feelings tonight I would too.

SWIFT: Cool.

(Swift takes Clyde’s hand)

CLYDE: Cool.

KEPLER: Any second now and she’ll be here!

(There are a few moments of quiet, then you hear a loud

rumble followed by the music notes from “Close Encounters of

the Third Kind”, first they are quiet, and as they repeat they

get louder and louder. As the music gets louder the stage

should also brighten, as if a large light was shining on it. Two

red spotlights mimicking alien spaceship headlights focus on

the actors on stage.)

ED: No way!

RIPLEY: (Whisper) I was right?

SWIFT: Does this mean they’re going to suck out our brains?

RIPLEY: (Whisper) I was right.

KEPLER: I guess they do have the technology to come here.

RIPLEY: (A little louder) I was right!

MARIA: I might have to start reading The National Inquirer.

RIPLEY: They tracked my gamma rays!

CLYDE: Maybe they’ll make Pluto a planet again!

RIPLEY: But Ed ate the Snoballs!

GALLY: But they can’t suck out our brains, I haven’t even

been kissed!

RIPLEY: (A little louder) We don’t have any Snoballs!

COPERNICUS: Maybe they’d like some trail mix?

RIPLEY: (Yelling) I WAS RIGHT! Welcome to earth!

(The stage lights flicker as the sound of a space ship landing

gets louder and louder. Everyone on stage should be looking

up, then they should all turn their heads from straight up to

looking offstage right all at the same time, giving the

impression that the ship has landed. A bright light should

flood the stage with light from the direction of the ship.)

CLYDE: It landed!

GALLY: The door is opening!

ED: It’s more of a portal.

COPERNICUS: Ed, are you recording?

ED: Ah, (Checks his equipment) yes!

GALLY: Something’s coming out!

SWIFT: It’s an alien!

KEPLER: It looks like more than one.

MARIA: Oh, they’re coming this way!

RIPLEY: Welcome to earth!

ALIEN ONE: Thank you for your welcome earthling. We

are happy to be visiting you. We came because we heard earth

has a delicious Hostess Product known as the Snoball. We

would very much like to try it.

COPERNICUS: Well, we did have some Snoballs.

RIPLEY: Yeah, I knew you were coming so I brought some.

But then Ed ate them.

ED: I’m really sorry Mr. Alien Sir; if I had known you were

really coming I wouldn’t have eaten them.

ALIEN TWO: It was in the paper.

ED: I uh, must have missed reading the paper that day.

RIPLEY: I told you so. Um, please don’t eat our brains.

ALIEN TWO: Brains? Is that a custom here on earth, to eat

brains, we’ve never tried them. Are they tasty?

RIPLEY: Um, no, they are absolutely discussing, you would

hate them, Snoballs are much better; just forget what I said.

ALIEN THREE: We were so looking forward to trying

Snoballs, oh well; I guess we can look in the next galaxy.

RIPLEY: No wait! There are Snoballs a lot closer than that!

ALIEN ONE: Are they in your solar system?

RIPLEY: Better than that! They’re just down the street at

the Dairy Mart! Um, Copernicus, can we take the bus?

COPERNICUS: Uh, sure Ripley, I think this would qualify

as an emergency now.

ALIEN TWO: We don’t need to take your earth

transportation, our space ship is here; it will be quicker.

RIPLEY: Copernicus, can we take the alien space ship to the

Dairy Mart?

COPERNICUS: Why not?

EVERYONE: (Cheers)

ALIEN THREE: Please, everyone come aboard.

(Everyone follows the Aliens off stage right. Lights down.)

(Curtain)