St. Peter Chanel Catholic Church

12001 E. 214th Street Hawaiian Gardens, CA 90716 Parish Office: 562/924-7591 Spanish CCD: 562/860-3637 English CCD/Confirmation: 562/865-6498 Website: http://www.spcomv.com Staffed by the Oblates of the Virgin Mary Fr. Larry Darnell, OMV, Pastor Fr. Edward Broom, OMV, Associate Pastor Fr. Fernando Cuenca, OMV, Associate Pastor Fr. Craig MacMahon, OMV, Associate Pastor Fr. Vincenzo Antolini, OMV, Priest in Residence Only Vocations for Oblates of the Virgin Mary Contact Fr. Jeremy Paulin, OMV 617-869-2429

MASS SCHEDULE – HORARIO DE MISAS

SATURDAY – SABADO English: 8:00 am, 6:00 pm SUNDAY – DOMINGO English: 8:00 am, 12:00 noon, 6:00 pm Español: 6:30 am, 10:00 am, 2:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 8:00 pm

WEEKDAYS – DIAS ENTRE SEMANA English: 6:00 am, 8:00 am, 12:00 noon, 6:30 pm Español: 6:30 pm (en la Iglesia Antigua)

HOLY DAYS – DIAS DE OBLIGACION Same as weekdays – Lo mismo que entre semana

CONFESSIONS – CONFESIONES Monday through Friday: during most Masses Lunes a Viernes: durante las Misas Saturday – Sabado: 5:00 pm-8:30 pm Or by appointment - O por cita

EUCHARISTIC ADORATION Perpetual Adoration Daily from 6:30 am to 9:30 pm (Except during the Masses) All Night: Fridays and Saturdays

JOVENES PARA CRISTO Español: Sábados a las 6:30 pm en la Iglesia Antigua

ADULT INSTRUCTION – INSTRUCCION ADULTA English: Fr. Craig MacMahon Español: Fr. Fernando Cuenca

COMMUNION TO THE SICK - A LOS ENFERMOS English/Español: A priest/Un sacerdote Call the Parish Office / Llamen a la Oficina de la Parroquia

OFFICE HOURS - HORAS DE LAS OFICINAS Parish Office/Oficina de la Parroquia: 10:00-6:00 pm Spanish CCD/Catecismo en Español: 3:30-7:30 pm English CCD/Catecismo en Inglés: 2:00-6:30 pm

BAPTISMS Dates and times are announced at the baptismal class. Parents of children to be baptized must attend two classes of prepara-tion. Godparents need only attend the first class. Godparents must be practicing Catholics who have received Confirmation. The classes take place on the 3rd and 4th Wednesday of each month at 7:30 pm in English in the Old Church. If you do not live in this parish, you must obtain a letter of permission from your own parish to baptize your child at St. Peter Chanel. If at all possible, please do not bring children to the classes. BAUTIZOS Fechas y horas son anunciadas en la clase de bautizo. Padres de los niños que serán bautizados deben venir a dos clases. Los padrinos tienen que venir solamente a la primera clase y es necesario que sean buenos Católicos que practican su Fe, y que hayan sido Confirmados. Las clases son el primer y segundo Miércoles del mes a las 7:30 pm en Español, en la Iglesia Antigua. Si no viven en esta parroquia tienen que obte-ner una carta de permiso de su propia iglesia para bautizar sus hijos aquí. Si es posible, por favor no traigan sus niños a las clases.

MARRIAGES Contact the parish office Monday through Friday, at least six months prior to the date. We encourage all couples who are living together to come and explore the possibility of getting married in the Church. MATRIMONIOS Llamen a la oficina Lunes a Viernes, por lo menos seis meses antes de la fecha. Les recomendamos a todas las parejas que están viviendo juntos, que vengan y pregunten acerca de los pasos a seguir para casarse por la Iglesia.

WHAT IS AN ANNULMENT? A Catholic annulment, also known as a declaration of nullity or invalidity, is a statement of fact by the Catholic Church. After carefully examining the couple's broken relationship, the Church states that a valid marriage, as the Church defines marriage, never existed. It is not "Catholic divorce," as some have called it, since divorce looks at the moment the relationship broke down and says, "A marriage existed, and now we are ending it." The annulment process says, on the other hand, "From the very beginning, something was lacking that was necessary for this relationship to be called a marriage." Of course, the Church recognizes the couple's initial love for one another. It also realizes that this love led to some form of relationship. In addition, the Church acknowledges that there was a valid civil contract and recognizes that the spouses were lawfully married in the eyes of the state. Therefore, all children born of this valid civil contract are legitimate, according to the Catholic Church. In keeping with canon 1137, they are known as the legitimate children of a "putative marriage." All these civil and legal realities the Church recognizes. But the annulment process looks at an entirely different realm - the spiritual - which falls within the Catholic Church's domain of competence to judge. Why is an annulment necessary? The Church teaches that marriage is permanent. If a sacramental marriage is created, no human power can separate what God has joined together (see Mt 19:6). According to the Church, not even a civil government with the power to end the civil contract (which the state calls "marriage") can terminate a sacramental marriage. For this reason, once two people stand in front of God and contract a marriage, if they enter into a marriage covenant as defined by the Catholic Church, this covenant cannot be dissolved so long as both parties remain alive. The marriage bond is in place until death. As a result, no new marriage covenant can be created with someone else. Any person who has entered a genuine marriage remains bound to that spouse. The spiritual bonds of marriage, if formed, cannot be ended by civil divorce. In the eyes of the Church, divorce ends the various civil, financial, and legal bonds previously contracted between spouses, but not the spiritual bonds. For this reason, the Catholic Church investigates, through the annulment process, whether an actual marriage, as defined by the Church, came into being. In carrying out this investigation, the Church examines various facts presented to the marriage tribunal by those seeking the annulment and their witnesses. If the Church then determines that no genuine marriage came into being, these individuals are free to marry someone else if that person is also free to marry. Are there options for working with previous marriages other than the annulment process? Yes. For a person who was either Catholic or married to a Catholic, and did not marry according to the canonical form of marriage (in front of a Catholic priest or deacon with two witnesses), and if the Catholic Church's permission was not obtained for this marriage (called a "dispensation from canonical form"), then the Church could process this case as a "Lack of Form." Then the person would be free to marry in the Catholic Church. Source: Jacqueline Rapp, JD, JCL and Pete Vere, JCL. “Do I Need and Annulment?” Envoy Magazine (November, 2003)

Twentieth Sunday in Ordinary Time August 14, 2011

Quote… Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do. (Pope John XXIII)

Registration for CCD You may register your child(ren) for our First Communion, Intermediate, and Confirmation programs Monday thru Fri-day from 1:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. in the CCD office. First Communion: Children must be 6 years old or in the First Grade to enter the program. Students coming back for their 2nd year must also register. Intermediate: This program is for children who have already received the sacrament of First Holy Communion but are not yet ready for the Confirmation program. This is a great program to continue your child’s growth in the faith. Confirmation: Students entering the program must be within the ages of 13 and 16. Second year students also need to reg-ister. * You must bring a copy of your child’s baptism certificate (for the First Communion and Confirmation programs) and the donation of $25 before August 21, $30 after August 21 for all programs. *Note: Registration deadline will be September 25, 2011.

Restorative Justice Conference The Restorative Justice Committee of the California Catholic Conference is sponsoring a Restorative Justice Conference, “Healing Wounded Hearts: Our Responsibility to Victims and Survivors of Crime,” on Tuesday, September 21, from 9:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m., at the Provincial Center of the Religious of the Sa-cred Heart of Mary in Montebello (441 N. Garfield Ave., Monte-bello, CA 90640). People engaged in all areas of restorative justice (including educators, volunteers, law enforcement and correc-tions personnel, criminal justice professionals) will gather to hear about the effect of crime on individuals, families, and communi-ties in light of California’s fiscal situation, and work on effective ways to respond in an effort to promote peace and healing. Cost is $25 per person, and includes morning coffee and lunch. For more information, or registration, please contact Ms. Debbie McDermott, Associate Director for Restorative Justice at the California Catholic Conference, at (916) 313-4000.

Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius in Daily Life “Lord, teach us how to pray…”

The new session of the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola begins Saturday, August 27th. There will be a 10 week course on the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola. The Exercises will help you to deepen your prayer life, to bet-ter examine your conscience, and to apply the Ignatian art of discernment of spirits. Sign up now for ONE of the following class times: Saturday, August 27th at 11:00 a.m. Sunday, August 28th at 1:30 p.m. Sunday, August 28th at 4:00 p.m. Thursday, September 1st at 9:15 a.m. Preregistration is mandatory and it is essential to come to the fist class. Registration deadline is August 20. Registra-tion is limited. Contact Jim and Mary at (562) 924-5193.

14 de Agosto del 2011 Vigésimo Domingo de Tiempo Ordinario

Pilgrim Virgin - Aug 14 - Aug 21 @ 8am: Nancy Ferrell Virgen Peregrina-Ago 14-Ago 21@10am: Pilgrim Virgin - Aug 14 - Aug 21 @ 12noon:Bosack Family Virgen Peregrina - Ago 14-Ago 21 @2pm:

Mass Intentions / Intenciones de Misa Saturday, August 13th 8:00 a.m.-Maria Pedace (RIP) 6:00 p.m.-Clara Carfagno (RIP) Sunday, August 14th

6:30 a.m.-Jesus Ortiz Ceballos & Felicitas Ceballos Mora (RIP) 8:00 a.m.-Rosario & Apolinario Roldan (RIP) 10:00 a.m.-Victor Hugo Centeno (RIP) 12:00 p.m.-Homer & Shirley Griffin (63rd Wedding Anniversary) 2:00 p.m.-Teo & Fam, Jr. & Fam, Rosario & Fam, Alex & Fam (Sp. Int.) 4:00 p.m.-Jesus Manuel Diaz (RIP) 6:00 p.m.-Parishioners 8:00 p.m.-Gerardo Rodriguez (Thanksgiving) Monday, August 15th

6:00 a.m.-Isabel & Rogelio Lizano (RIP) 8:00 a.m.-De Guzman Family (Thanksgiving) 12:00 p.m.-Primitivo & Fernanda de Zurita (RIP) 6:30 p.m.-Datu & Sepulveda Families (Special Intention) 6:30p.m.(sp)-Luis & Elisa Vega & Jesus Cruz (Special Intention) Tuesday, August 16th 6:00 a.m.-Ada Day 8:00 a.m.-Chin Nguyen (Thanksgiving) 12:00 p.m.-Angel Nguyen (RIP) 6:30 p.m.-Jose B. Jr., Elisa & Bernardo De Castro (RIP) 6:30p.m.(sp)-Jesus & Luisa Sanchez (RIP) Wednesday, August 17th

6:00 a.m.-Celia Zapata (Thanksgiving) 8:00 a.m.-Carlos & Maria Bojorquez (Thanksgiving) 12:00 p.m.-Joanne Flores (Special Intention) 6:30 p.m.-Joseph Niepke (Thanksgiving) 6:30p.m.(sp)-Familia Gutierrez (Thanksgiving) Thursday, August 18th

6:00 a.m.-Josefine Ebem (RIP) 8:00 a.m.-Jimmy Bojorquez (Thanksgiving) 12:00 p.m.-Joseph Borges (Special Intention) 6:30 p.m.-Josefine Ebem (RIP) 6:30p.m.(sp)-Danilo Mancilla (Thanksgiving) Friday, August 19th 6:00 a.m.-Cesar Plascencia (Special Intention) 8:00 a.m.-Violeta Cabral (Thanksgiving) 12:00 p.m.-Bod & Edwyne Watson (Thanksgiving) 6:30 p.m.-Jennifer Nolasco (Thanksgiving) 6:30p.m.(sp)-Santiago Sanchez & Mercedes Sanchez Lopez (RIP) Saturday, August 20th 8:00 a.m.-Sister Mary Peter (Special Intention) 6:00 p.m.-Geri Neri (Thanksgiving)

¿Qué es una Anulación? Una anulación Católica, también conocida como la declaración de nulidad o invalidez, es una declaración de hecho por la Iglesia Católica. Después de examinar cuidadosamente la relación rota de la pareja, la Iglesia declara que un matrimonio valido, como define la Iglesia el matrimonio, nunca existió. No es un “divorcio Católico”, como unos lo han llamado, ya que el divorcio mira el momento en que la relación termino y dice, “Un matrimonio existió y ahora lo estamos terminando.” Por el contrario, el proceso de anulación dice, “Desde el principio falto algo necesario para que esta relación se pudiera llamar matrimonio.” Por supuesto, la Iglesia reconoce el amor inicial de la pareja del uno al otro. También es consciente de que este amor los llevo a algún tipo de relación. Además, la Iglesia reconoce que existió un contrato civil valido y se reconoce que los conyugues se casaron legalmente ante los ojos del estado. Por lo tanto, todos los hijos nacidos de este contrato civil valido son legítimos, de acuerdo a la Iglesia Católica. De acuerdo con la ley canónica 1137, se les conoce como hijos legítimos de un “matrimonio putativo”. La Iglesia reconoce todas estas realidades civiles y legales. Sin embargo, el proceso de anulación se enfoca en un ámbito completamente diferente – lo espiritual – que cae dentro del dominio de la Iglesia Católica y su competencia de juzgar. ¿Porque es necesaria una anulación? La Iglesia enseña que el matrimonio es permanente. Si un matrimonio sacramental es creado, ningún poder humano puede separar lo que Dios ha unido (ver Mateo 19:6). De acuerdo a la Iglesia, ni siquiera un gobierno civil con el poder para poner fin al contrato civil (que el Estado llama “matrimonio”) puede poner fin a un matrimonio sacramental. Por esta razón, una vez que dos personas se paran ante Dios y contraen matrimonio, si entran en un pacto de matrimonio tal como se define por la Iglesia Católica, este pacto no puede ser disuelto mientras que ambas partes permanezcan vivas. El vínculo matrimonial se encuentra valido hasta la muerte. Como resultado, ningún pacto matrimonial nuevo puede ser creado con alguien más. Cualquier persona que ha entrado en un auténtico matrimonio permanece unida a su cónyuge por siempre. La unión espiritual del matrimonio, si se forma, no puede ser terminada por un divorcio civil. Ante los ojos de la Iglesia, el divorcio pone fin a varios vínculos civiles, económicos, y legales contraídos entre los conyugues, pero no a la unión espiritual. Por esta razón, la Iglesia Católica investiga, a través del proceso de anulación, si un matrimonio real, tal como lo se define por la Iglesia, llegó a existir. Para llevar a cabo esta investigación, la Iglesia considera varios hechos presentados ante el tribunal por aquellos que buscan la anulación y sus testigos. Si la Iglesia entonces determina que el matrimonio no llegó a ser genuino, estos individuos son libres para casarse con otra persona si esa ultima persona también es libre para casarse. ¿Hay opciones para trabajar con matrimonios anteriores que no sea el proceso de anulación? Sí. Para una persona que es Católica o casado con un Católico, y no se casaron de acuerdo a la forma canónica del matrimonio (delante de un sacerdote o diacono con dos testigos), y si el permiso de la Iglesia Católica no se obtuvo para realizar este matrimonio (llamado “dispensa de forma canónica”), la Iglesia podría procesar este caso como “falta de forma”. Entonces la persona también quedaría libre para casarse en la Iglesia Católica. Jacqueline Rapp, JD, JCL y Pete Vere, JCL. (November, 2003)

Bodas comunitarias El Padre Escobita tendrá bodas comunitarias el 12 de Diciembre del 2011. Todas las parejas que estén interesadas en casarse favor de co-municarse con Teresita al (562) 860-3637.

Ejercicios Espirituales El Padre Eduardo tendrá un curso de los Ejercicios Espirituales. Las opciones de clases son las siguientes: Martes 6 de Septiembre a las 9:30 a.m. o 7:30 p.m. Viernes 9 de Septiembre a las 9:30 a.m. Los Ejercicios Espirituales nos enseñan a orar mejor y a tener una unión mas intima con Nuestro Señor. También tendrá la Explicación de Reglas de Discernimiento comenzando el Viernes 9 de Septiembre a las 9:30 a.m. Favor registrarse en la oficina lo mas pronto posible.

Natural Family Planning You are invited to attend a series of classes on Natural Family Planning taught by the Couple to Couple League to learn a meth-od that is safe, effective and morally acceptable. Classes begin August 18 at 7:30pm. For more information or to register visit www.ccli.org, or contact Beth or Greg at 562-377-5877 or bethandgreg@verizon.net.

Holy Humor… A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for *'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth*.'

Did You Know? Listen to Your Children

This summer, when your children are out of school, on different schedules, are meeting new people and going to new places, make sure that you talk to them often about their experiences and the people they’ve met. Listen carefully to your children. If possible, observe and get to know the other children and adults who are part of your chil-dren’s summertime fun. Above all, communicate your safety concerns to your children. Make sure they know that they can come to you with any concerns they may have about the people they interact with. And, if you hear of or observe behaviors that may be inappropriate, make sure to communicate your feelings to people who are in a posi-tion to intervene. Communication is key to creating and maintaining a safe environment all year round. For particular help, you may call Assistance Ministry at (213) 637-7650.

What is an Annulment and can Catholics remarry after having an annulment?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church views an annulment as follows: [1629] For this reason (or for other reasons that render the mar-riage null and void) the Church, after an examination of the situa-tion by the competent ecclesiastical tribunal, can declare the nullity of a marriage, i.e., that the marriage never existed. In this case the contracting parties are free to marry, provided the natural obliga-tions of a previous union are discharged. The Catholic Church charges those who want an annulment. Yes, there is a fee associated with the process of an annulment. The fee is for the processing of the application, not for the annulment itself. Like any operation where people work, they must be paid. Those who work for the Catholic Church are paid for their time.

¿Sabe Usted? Escuche a Sus Hijos

Este verano, cuando sus hijos estén fuera de la escuela, en horarios diferentes, conociendo nuevas personas y nuevos lugares, asegúrese de hablar frecuentemente con ellos sobre sus experiencias y las personas que conozcan. Escuche cuidadosamente a sus hijos. Si es posible, ob-serve y conozca a los otros niños y adultos que forman parte de la diversión de verano de sus hijos. Sobre todo, comunique a sus hijos sus preocupaciones sobre la seguridad de ellos. Asegúrese de que sepan que pueden comunicarle a usted cualquier preocupación que puedan tener sobre las personas con las que se relacionan. Y, si usted escucha u observa comportamientos que pueden ser inadecuados, asegúrese de comunicar su inquietud a personas que estén en condiciones de inter-venir. La comunicación es la clave para crear y mantener un ambiente seguro durante todo el año. Para obtener ayuda, llame a la Oficina del Ministerio de Ayuda al (213) 637-7650.

El Movimiento Familiar Cristiano (MFC) Las familias del Movimiento Familiar Cristiano (MFC) de la parroquia de la Sagrada Familia invitan a TODOS los padres de familia a ingresar a los equipos del MFC que comenzaran este Septiembre. El MFC ayuda para que nuestras familias sean mas sanas, integradas, útiles, felices, y sobre todo sacramenta-les. Padre de familia, si tu no educas a tus hijos con valores y virtudes nadie mas lo hará por ti. Para más información, con-tactar a: Antonio y Cristina (562) 402-2663 & (562)481-8546.

Do you know someone interested in becoming a Catholic?

The Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) is a process for adults who are interested in becoming Catholic, or for adult Catholics who need to receive the sacraments of Confirmation and/or First Com-munion. Participants are invited to ask questions and learn about the Catholic faith. Classes will be on Tuesdays from 7:15 to 9:15pm beginning September 13, 2011. If you are interested or would like more info please call Fr. Craig at 562-924-7591.

Inscripción para el Catecismo Actualmente estamos tomando inscripciones para los progra-mas de Primera Comunión, Intermedio, y Confirmación. Puede pasar a la Oficina del Catecismo de Lunes a Viernes de 3:30 a 7:30 p.m. para inscribir a su(s) hijo(s). Primera Comunión: Los niños deben tener por lo menos 6 años de edad o estar en el 1er grado escolar. Los estudiantes que regresan por el segundo año también necesitan registrarse. Intermedio: Este maravilloso programa es para aquellos niños que han recibido el Sacramento de la Eucaristía y aún no tienen la edad para entrar al programa de Confirmación. Confirmación: Los estudiantes comenzando este programa tienen que estar entre las edades 13-16. Los que regresen por segundo año también tienen que registrarse. *Deben de traer una copia del certificado de bautismo y una donación de $25 antes del 21 de Agosto y $30 después del 21 de Agosto. *Nota: La fecha limite de registración es el 25 de Septiembre del 2011.

When a Catholic divorces, are they excommunicated from the Church? No, Catholics are not excommunicated from the church if they get a divorce. The Catholic Church realizes that situations arise when a mar-ried man and woman can no longer live together, such as in the case of an abusive spouse or harm to the children of this union. The Church suggests in such cases that the two live apart, they are however still mar-ried in the eyes of the Church. It is possible for such a couple to have a divorce in the eyes of civil authorities but not in the eyes of God. Only through death is the sacramental marriage dissolved. If both spouses remain separated and do not marry they may receive all the sacraments of the church. If one spouse does remarry civilly then he or she in turn is committing adultery and is not permitted to participate in the sacra-ments of the church. If one of the spouses is able to prove that their marriage was invalid from the beginning, the Church can grant an an-nulment, which would give the man and the woman the freedom to marry validly in the Church and to continue to receive the sacraments.

1. What is cohabitation? "Cohabitation" is commonly referred to as "living together." It de-scribes the relationship of a man and woman who are sexually active and share a household, though they are not married. 2. Why is cohabitation such a concern for the Church? The Church is particularly concerned about cohabitation because the practice is so common today and because, in the long run, it is causing great unhappiness for families in the Church. This is true, above all, because - even though society may approve of the practice - cohabita-tion simply cannot be squared with God's plan for marriage. This may be why most couples who live together before marriage find married life difficult to sustain for very long. The Church does not invent laws. It passes on and interprets what God has revealed through the ages. No one in the Church has the right to change what Jesus has taught. To do so would be to deprive people of saving truths that were meant for all time. Our Christian faith teaches that a sexual relationship belongs only in marriage. Sex outside of mar-riage shows disrespect for the sacrament of marriage, the sacredness of sex, and human dignity. 3. We have good reasons for living together before our wedding. Why can't the Church just accept that? The Church cares for you as a parent cares for a beloved son or daugh-ter. Knowing that cohabitation increases a couples' chance of marital failure, the Church wants to protect you and preserve your happiness. Besides, most couples don't really evaluate the reasons they give to justi-fy their decision. Think about it: Reason 1: "It's more convenient for us." "Convenience" is a good thing, but it's not the basis for making a deci-sion that will affect your entire life. Married life is sometimes inconven-ient and even demanding. Cohabitation for convenience is poor prepara-tion for that kind of commitment. Research bears this out. Studies show that those who live together before marriage tend to prefer "change," "experimentation" and open-ended lifestyles - all of which could lead to instability in marriage. One study, conducted by researchers at the Uni-versity of Chicago and the University of Michigan, concluded that cou-ples who cohabit tend to experience superficial communication and uncommitted decision-making once they are married. Cohabitation for convenience does not allow for the careful thought and adequate "space" necessary for making wise life decisions. Reason 2: "We're trying to save money for the wedding, so living to-gether is more economical." Sure, you might save the price of monthly rent, but you're sacrificing something more valuable. Engagement is more than just time to plan the party. It is a time for deeper discussion and more thorough reflection, which are best carried out in a detached way. Couples who are living together do not have the luxury of such detachment. So whatever ex-penses you save, you'll likely pay more in the end. Dr. Joyce Brothers said it well in an article on cohabitation: "short-term savings are less important than investing in a lifetime relationship." Reason 3: "Because of the high divorce rate, we want to see if things work out first." Studies consistently show that couples who live together score signifi-cantly lower in both marital communications and overall satisfaction. On the surface, a trial run at marriage may seem to make sense, allowing one to screen out less compatible mates. But it doesn't work out that way. Couples who live together before marriage actually have a 50% greater chance of divorce than those who don't. And about 60% of couples who cohabit break up without marrying. Living together before marriage is different from living together in marriage, because there is no binding commitment to support the relationship. Reason 4: "We need to get to know one another first. Later we'll start

having kids." Cohabitation is actually the worst way to get to know another person, because it shortcuts the true development of lasting friendship. Those who live together before marriage often report an over-reliance on sexu-al expression and less emphasis on conversation and other ways of com-munication - ways that ultimately lead to a more fulfilling sexual union after marriage. Traditionally, the process of dating or "courtship" has led couples to a deeper appreciation of one another through conversa-tion, shared ideals and dreams, and a mutual understanding of one an-other's values. Reason 5: "The Church is just outdated and out of touch with its thinking in this matter. Birth control made those old rules obsolete." That's just not true. In the early days of the Church, living together outside of marriage was common among the non-Christians in the Ro-man Empire - as was the use of artificial contraception. But these prac-tices were devastating for individuals, families, and society. Women were treated as disposable objects, mere toys for sexual pleasure, to be discarded when passions waned. The Christian vision of marriage and family led to happiness and fulfillment for individuals and families - and a great renewal of culture and society. Far from being outmoded, then as now, the Church's teaching is revolutionary - and it works! 4. Why does the Church interfere in the sex lives of couples? It's really just a private matter between us. Sex is intensely private and personal, but it also has deep moral and social dimensions. Sex works as a primary bonding agent in families and the family is the building block of society. Sexual rights and wrongs influence the health and happiness of individuals, families and neighbor-hoods. That's why sexual behavior has always been the subject of many civil laws. The Church, of course, wishes to safeguard the family and society. But, more than that, the Church wishes to safeguard your rela-tionship with your future spouse and with God. Sex is the act that seals and renews the couple's marriage covenant before God. Sexual sins, then, are not just between a man and a woman, but between the couple and God. And that's the Church's responsibility. Sex is not simply a private matter. If it's between you and God, it's between you and the Church. You need to ask yourself: "When do I stop being a Christian? When I close the bedroom door? When does my relationship with God cease to matter?" 5. But, really, how does what we do with our own bodies affect our relationship with each other and our spiritual relationship with God? The gift of your body in sexual intercourse is a profound symbol of the giving of your whole self. In making love, the husband and wife are saying to one another in "body language" what they said to each other at the altar on their wedding day: "I am yours, for life!" God created sex to be physically pleasurable and emotionally fulfilling. But it is even greater than all that. It is, above all, the deepest sign of the complete gift of self that a husband and wife pledge to each other. This mutual gift empowers the couple to become co-creators with God in giving life to a new person, a baby. According to God's design, the gift of sexual union has two primary purposes: strengthening married love and sharing that love with children. The only "place" where this total self-giving between a man and a woman is to take place is in marriage. It is the only "place" where children can be raised with the secure, committed love of a moth-er and a father. So sexual intimacy belongs only in marriage. Outside of marriage, sex is a lie. The action says: "I give you my whole self" - but the man and woman are really holding back their commitment, their fertility, and their relationship with God. Before giving your body to another person, you need to give your whole life, and you need to receive your spouse's whole life in return - and that can only happen in marriage.

Cohabitation and Church's Teaching