ST. PERPETUA SCHOOLPARENT EDUCATION SERIESSEPTEMBER 17, 2009

WELLNESS

WELLNESS PRESENTATION AGENDA:

Introduction of counselor Introduction of Wellness concept Four main topics to cover

Stress Boundary setting Self-care Habits

What does wellness mean for our kids? Closing

INTRODUCTION OF COUNSELOR

Who am I? What does a counselor do? What services are available? Available resources How to reach me

MRS. MARTINDALE CONTACT INFO:

Office located behind Café Perpetua, next to Mrs. Ganey’s room

Phone number: 284-1640, X117 Email: cmartindale@csdo.org Hours: Tuesday and Thursday from 9:30 - 1:30 or

by appointment

DEFINITION OF “WELLNESS”

“The quality or state of being in good health especially as an actively sought goal, wellness”

Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary

WELLNESS

Why is wellness important? Significant health benefits Like putting on your oxygen mask first… “When you thought I wasn’t looking”

Tonight’s presentation will focus on the biggest deterrents to wellness and some reminders how to re-focus our energies

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking:A message every adult should read because children

Are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang myFirst painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately

Wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed aStray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind

To animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make myFavorite cake for me, and I learned that the little

Things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say aPrayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always

Talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make aMeal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I

Learned that we all have to help take care of eachOther.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give ofYour time and money to help people who had nothing,And I learned that those who have something should

Give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take careOf our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have

To take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how youHandled your responsibilities, even when you didn't

Feel good, and I learned that I would have to beResponsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears comeFrom your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things

Hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that youCared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most oflife's lessons that I need to know to be a good and

Productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you andWanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when

You thought I wasn't looking.'

STRESS

DEFINITION OF STRESS

A: physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation b: a state of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium

Merriam-Webster’s Medical Dictionary A physical or psychological stimulus that can

produce mental tension or physiological reactions that my lead to illness

The American Heritage® Stedman's Medical Dictionary

COMMON CAUSES OF STRESS:

Death of a loved one Divorce Finances Work/Career Health Relationships Holidays Transitions Family challenges* Personal concerns*

STRESS: FAMILY CHALLENGES

Meeting kids’ needs Kids’ health Being on-time Getting kids registered/involved in activities Pressure to create a “perfect environment” for

kids Juggling schedules and rides Making meals, hosting friends, finishing

homework, returning school forms Worries about kids’ well being and safety Worries about kids’ academic and social

success at school

IMPORTANT FOR MOMS

Research shows women with children have higher levels of stress related hormones in their blood than women without children. Women without children may not experience stress as often or to the same degree which women with children do. This means for women with children, it's particularly important to schedule time for yourself; you will be in a better frame of mind to help your children and meet the daily challenge of being a parent, once your stress level is reduced. Cornforth, T., August 2009

STRESS: PERSONAL CONCERNS

Relationships Feeling included by peers/family Feeling judged by

peers/family/strangers/colleagues Never having enough time Rarely getting “everything” done Missing out on personal self-care Health worries

SYMPTOMS OF STRESS

Fatigue Headaches Loss of concentration Difficulty making decisions Inability to control anger Increased use of alcohol, caffeine, cigarettes

or drugs Increased or decreased eating Feeling overwhelmed Thinking often about what you need to do Difficulty sleeping

EFFECTS OF STRESS

Chronic stress is linked to premature aging Stress has been linked to health conditions:

Heart disease (#1 cause of death for women) Cancer Lessened immunity Depression Dermatological problems infertility

Can put a strain on relationships Difficulty concentrating

STRESS BUSTERS Healthy diet Exercise Deep breathing Laughter Meditation/prayer Getting outdoors/nature Enjoying a cup of herbal tea Taking a bath Talking with a trusted friend Listening to music Be creative, color, draw, paint, play with play-dough, Work on a hobby, knit, sew, carpentry, cook (for fun) Gardening Change your perspective through a book or movie

BOUNDARY SETTING

BOUNDARY SETTING

Meet your own needs before you can truly give others what they need while at the same time keeping yourself happy

Learn it is OK to say 'no' occasionally. Often we feel we have to say 'yes' to everyone, every time we are asked for help

Remember, you cannot be all things to all people

Understand the difference between being helpful and over extending yourself

Make sure you have done what is necessary to take care of yourself

BOUNDARY SETTING

Make time for yourself your number one priority

Once your own needs are met, you will have more time for others. You may find more pleasure in helping others when you don't feel that you must always put others needs before your own

When you set a boundary you let go of the outcome (helping someone move)

Boundaries create structure and organization for you and your family

BOUNDARY SETTING

People like patterns and limits Children thrive with limits and

boundaries and so do adults Some of the same rules apply:

Be specific (know yourself well enough to understand what your own limits are) Personally and professionally

Give yourself choices (still volunteer to be on the committee or to support the committee in a less active role)

Be firm - know what you’re comfortable with and don’t be wishy-washy trying to convey that

BOUNDARY SETTING

Explain why the limit is needed. Sometimes we might need to convince ourselves why the limit is important, this can help hold the limit.

Get comfortable setting limits, try saying “no” when you feel like you “should” be extending yourself more.

Don’t make excuses. You can set limits and not feel guilty for it.

The less-stressed and happier you are the healthier you are and the more you have to offer to those things that are most important to you.

STRESS: LOCUS OF CONTROL

External Locus of Control Internal Locus of Control

Individual believes that his/her behavior is guided by fate, luck, or other external circumstances.

Individual believes that his/her behavior is guided by his/her personal decisions and efforts.

Marsh, H. W. & Richards, G. E. (1986). The Rotter Locus of Control Scale: The comparison of alternative response formats and implications for reliability, validity and dimensionality. Journal of Research in Personality, 20, 509-558.

SELF CARE

SELF-CARE

Diet Sleep/rest Exercise/movement Relaxation Feeling connected

DIET

2000 calories daily for women 2500 calories daily for men 1800 calories daily for kids 4-6 2000 calories daily for kids 7-10*

Age Boys average Caloric needs per day

Girls average caloric needs per day

11-14 2500 2200

15-18 3000 2200

DIET

Eat more: Vegetables Fruit Fiber Protein (eggs, nuts, beans, lean meat, fish) Whole grains

Eat fewer: Fats Processed foods Red meat

DIET

Keep portions moderate Drink more water Occasionally indulge in foods you love, even

if they’re not healthy. Eating them is pleasurable and pleasure is good for the heart.

SLEEP/REST REQUIREMENTS

Infants 16 hours a day

6 months to 3 years 10-14 hours a day

3 to 6 years Between 10-12 hours

6 to 9 years About 10 hours

9-12 years About 9 hours

Teenagers About 9 hours

Adults 7-8 hours

SLEEP/REST

Sleep Tips Going to sleep at the same time each night helps

establish a pattern Exercise each day helps us rest better at night Use darkness to help sleep and light to wake up Understand how you react to naps Develop a bedtime routine Avoid caffeine, alcohol, drugs Write down worries that might keep you awake

or wake you up on a piece of paper before going to sleep

EXERCISE

Benefits: Better mood (even just 30 minutes of walking) Combats chronic diseases Manage weight Helps build better bone density Builds self-confidence More energy Better sleep Fun!

RELAXATION

Deep breathing Prayer/Meditation Mindfulness meditation* Yoga Laughter Massage Whatever activity soothes you but be sure

you are aware of how relaxed you really are Be selfish

MINDFULNESS MEDITATION

This type of meditation is based on being mindful, or having an increased awareness and acceptance of living in the present moment. You focus on what you experience during meditation, such as the flow of your breath. You can observe your thoughts and emotions but let them pass without judgment.

FEELING CONNECTED

Social connection benefits: Increased happiness Better health A longer life – elderly people with strong social

and community ties were 2-3 times less likely to die over a 9 year study

Feeling loved, cared for, and being well integrated in positive social groups protects women against future depression.

Source Kenneth Kendler, MD

10 TOOLS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE WELL

1. Stay connected2. Stay positive3. Get physically active4. Help others5. Get enough sleep6. Create joy and satisfaction7. Eat well8. Take care of spirit9. Deal better with hard times10. Get professional help if you need it

HABITS

HABITS

We are creatures of habit Constantly creating patterns and programs Unconsciously develop consistent schedules,

for eating and sleeping Respond to stimulus in the same way over

and over creates a habit Habits are those things we do without

thinking It takes 21 days to create a new habit*

*Duration to create a new habit is debatable but constant repetition of the same activity over time creates a habit

CREATING A NEW HABIT

Understand your triggers/anchors: Anchoring: what the habit is based upon,

example: wake up and “crave” coffee, have a cup. You don’t crave it as much in the afternoon or evening but the habit of getting your coffee every morning has been anchored with waking up.

Anchor/trigger, is the stimulus that will illicit your response, or your new response.

Be aware of what you are doing/feeling right before a behavior you want to change.

CREATING A NEW HABIT

Decide what you want to be a habit – BE SPECIFIC (water)

Set up triggers/anchors to help you remember Before the action becomes a habit (first few

weeks) use external reminders/triggers such as:

Alarms, notes, rubber bands on your wrist, friends to call you

REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT For habits of longer duration (amount of time

you’re doing the habit), another step is required:

Start with just the action to begin, but do the action for a shorter length of time, building up to more & more time (Example running/reading)

CREATING A NEW HABIT

This is also required if the desired habit has multiple actions.

For example: you want to make dinner more often- Many habits must be installed to achieve this; checking what is in the fridge, shopping, preparing to cook, cooking, setting the table, cleaning up.

An activity that you do only once a week, like no TV for a night or going to the library every Saturday can take up to 12 weeks to install because there is less repetition, it’s easier to forget and easier to avoid.

TRICKS TO HELP CREATE A NEW HABIT

Couple the new habit with a reward (coffee after a morning walk, playing a game after lunches are made, cuddling/reading together after homework is done)

Remember why the habit is important – what are the long term benefits?

Make it hard not to do – create barriers and obstacles that make it hard not to do it

Celebrate every success Observe the smallest improvements in your

behavior Do habit with another

TRICKS TO HELP CREATE A NEW HABIT

Make a deal with yourself to just do it this once and then re-evaluate

Focus your energy on being successful Create journals, charts to help motivate you Recognize that nobody is perfect and you

might not achieve your goal/habit for that day/time but that you can still keep going

Try to be as consistent as possible for at least one month, then decide if you want to continue

WELLNESS FOR KIDS What does wellness mean to kids?

Feeling loved Feeling safe Feeling healthy

Well rested Well-fed Being active Moderate amount of stress

Knowing how to cope with difficult situations (by observing parents how to manage when things get tough)

Understanding what is in their control and what is not Feeling connected to God, family and friends Understanding their own boundaries and preferences Knowing/learning how to take good care of themselves

CLOSING

Indulge yourself in joyous and relaxing activities Live in each moment Remember when we thought our kids weren’t

watching… Model taking good care of yourself so your kids

learn to take great care of themselves

RESOURCES

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, Cloud, Henry & Townsend, John

www.helpguide.org (non-commercial information on mental health, active healthy lifestyle and aging well)

www.liveyourlifewell.org from Mental Health America

www.mayoclinic.com www.americanheart.org www.keepkidshealthy.com www.familyfun.com www.drweil.com - healthy lifestyle information