A Newsletter from Helping Services for Northeast Iowa Spring 2012Prevention

Host A Denim Dayto rally against sexual violence

What We’ve Learned About Poverty and why we think you should know it too

In 1997 an 18-year-old Italian girl was sexually assaulted by her 45-year-old driving instructor. She pressed charges. The perpetrator was convicted of rape and sentenced to prison. However, he appealed the case to the Italian Supreme Court where it was overturned. The reasoning behind the judges overturning this case – the victim wore tight jeans, so she must have helped to take them off, and in doing so, it was no longer considered rape.

Unfortunately, many of the victim-blaming attitudes held by the Italian Supreme Court exist in our own community today. Survivors of sexual assault deserve support and assistance, not shame and blame.

As a response to the court decision in Italy, Denim Day has become an international symbol of protest against harmful attitudes towards sexual assault.

April 25 is this year’s Denim Day. We are asking everyone -- neighbors, businesses, employees, clinic staff, elected officials, and students -- to host their own Denim Day and wear jeans. By wearing your denim, you will help raise awareness about sexual assault myths, and you will show survivors you know their assault was not their fault.

Pledge to wear jeans at www.helpingservices.org/denim.

By rallying on Denim Day:• More survivors of sexual assault feel

confident to reach out and find help.• Prevention is promoted so that sexual

assault doesn’t occur in the first place.• Men and boys are encouraged to

understand their critical role in preventing violence against women.

• Social change is at work.

Do more than just wear jeans on Denim Day. Ideas on page 4.

Migrant Mother, Dorothea Lange 1936

by the Mentoring Staff

What is your definition of poverty? Does your mind go back to the Great Depression, or to the homeless of today? Is it the person that doesn’t have enough money to pay bills? Possibly the family who finds difficulty in keeping themselves and their children clean?

It may be those things, but poverty entails more than low financial resources. It is also the extent to which an individual goes without emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical support systems. This kind of hardship exists in our area and impacts people we work with and live near. To better equip ourselves, volunteers, and the public with tools to help those in poverty, we held a training. It was so informative, we wanted to share with you two key things we learned.

1. In Iowa, 15% of children are living in poverty. If the head of a household is female, this rate jumps to 38%. So this is a reality in our area. You may not know all 4,000 children living in poverty in northeast Iowa, but you probably know a few.

How should we respond? We need to care. Help these kids, single moms, and families by beginning a friendship with them or giving them a ride to an appointment or event. As a group we need to fund and volunteer at programs that run in their neighborhoods so that help is consistently available.

2. Two types of poverty exist: generational and situational. If we hope to be successful in helping individuals battle poverty, we must understand where they are coming from. Knowing the two types will help us tailor our approach. Someone living in generational poverty, whose family has lived in poverty for at least two generations, is fighting to survive. As we look to help these people, we need to provide basic needs. However, when coming along side someone in situational poverty, which can generally be traced to a specific incident within their lifetimes, we may need to help develop decision-making skills, set up boundaries, or connect

them with a mentor or support group. As we all open our eyes and are more mindful of this issue, we can help

others overcome poverty -- the root of many of life’s struggles. When you do interact with someone, don’t make assumptions about their problems. You’re not in their shoes. Instead listen to their perspective and care.

If you’d like to learn more about how to address poverty in your area, we recommend reading Bridges Out of Poverty by Ruby K. Payne, or attending a Bridges Out of Poverty Training.

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Knowledge is dynamicand fluid. If it were fixed, then we could learn something “once and for all” and never have to be trained again. But we are constantly learning

new information and skills, innovative practices, and ways of framing the issues our clients face. We invest significant dollars each year so that we present the public we serve with a well-prepared staff.

As technology develops, we are able to get more training at a significantly reduced cost. Now with training available through webinars and other online options, our budget can be stretched further. However, staff are still encouraged to travel because there is great value in rubbing shoulders with others working on the same issues.

This year we expect to spend about $1,500 per staff person for training. It is important that we get something useful from expenditures of this size, and I believe we do.

What are we getting this year? Here is a very partial list of trainings our staff attended in 2011 to gain new expertise:

Domestic Violence and Disability; Substance Abuse Prevention Specialist Training; Understanding Drug Dependence; Drug Endangered Children; Mental Health First Aid; Engaging Volunteers; Successful Volunteer Interview Strategies; Homeless Prevention for Survivors of Domestic Violence; Children Exposed to Violence; Transitional Housing; Supporting Military Youth Families in Your Community; Trauma Informed Care; Dual Relationships; and Financial Wellness.

The training is diverse and interesting. With it, staff can confidently serve individuals and communities with assistance and information that is up-to-date and complete.

How can we share this knowledge with you or someone you care about? Can we answer your questions, provide information, give a presentation, help you organize an event, or assist you with personal advocacy?

Helping is our mission, and we are well-trained to do so.

-David Runyon, Executive Director

The Cost of Staying Ready

From the Executive Director Recipe for Change

What do you get when you cross politicians, three local mothers, several Helping Services staff, Washington, D.C., and 2,700 other people from around the country (and world)? No, not a cheesy joke!

You get Involvement! Cyndy Ward, Melody Gilson, and Teri Wagner from the Valley Community Coalition (VCC) decided to become more involved in the community. So they jumped on the opportunity to take an exciting trip to Washington, D.C., participate in a national conference, and learn how to help their community fight against drug problems. During their visit, they spent time at the Capitol and met with our state’s representative staff. They discovered the way vital pieces of our nation, states, and communities operate and their own role in that structure.

Getting involved in the community is not difficult to do. For these three moms, all it took was a little willingness to learn. Here are a few reasons why they are involved:

Melody: “I want our kids to grow up in a safe place while helping other parents become aware of the issues surrounding drugs and alcohol.”Cyndy: “It is up to us as parents to educate our children and communities on the issues facing us every day. My kids are at an age where drugs, tobacco, and alcohol typically begin to be on their radar, so I want to make darn sure that I know what is going on in their lives!”Teri: “Just because we live in a small, rural community doesn’t mean we are safe or immune to drug and alcohol problems. They are everywhere!”You get Awareness! At the conference, their eyes were opened to

new things they hadn’t thought about or realized were a problem. Now they want to share these insights with others back home.

Melody learned prescription drugs are the second-most abused substance after marijuana. In fact, 15,000 people die every year from overdoses of prescription drugs. That’s nearly the population of her home county!

Cyndy didn’t realize so many “safe” substances were being abused (prescription medication, synthetic cannabinoids, inhalants, etc.). Most of these substances are readily available in the home and not necessarily illegal, so they are often not considered to be dangerous.

Teri was surprised at how easily accessible substances are to kids. Technology adds a whole new type of opportunity for use and abuse and responsibility for education.

You get Fun! Being a part of community groups has its perks. The conference activities ended at 5 p.m., leaving time to check out local shops, eat delicious food at incredible restaurants, and tour the National Mall. In addition, simply staying at the Gaylord National Resort and Convention Center was a treat in and of itself. The group certainly had no shortage of laughs and things to do throughout the week.

So, what are you waiting for? All it took for these ladies was a simple desire to be involved. Someone asked them and they said “YES!” What about you? What roles or skills do you have to use and make a real difference in the lives of your community? With so much to do, you can be a part of it.

What do you get when you cross all of these ingredients: You get Change!

Interested in being part of this movement toward community health and safety? We are eager to help you find a role that fits your schedule and interest. Contact Helping Services at info@helpingservices.org or call 563-387-1720.

by Ryan Cooper, VCC Project Director

helpingservices.org 3

Upcoming Events

Visit our website for an up-to-date list of programs, meetings, trainings and events for you and your family.

Board of Directors

Steven Drewes, President Dick Graham, President ElectHanni Hernandez, Treasurer Sue McMillan, Secretary Tom Buresh Barb Duwe-PetersonSandra KoenigJohn Rodecap Mary Straate

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Are You on the Right Parenting Path?

Imagine you are sitting on your couch; the lamp is giving off a lifeless glow against the darkness through the windows. You glance at the ticking clock on the wall one more time. Your daughter is an hour late and isn’t answering her cell phone. She always calls to let you know she is running late or if she has decided to stay over at a friend’s house. Your mind starts racing through the horrible possible scenarios… there was a car accident, she was kidnapped…or maybe she is drunk and passed out somewhere. No…she doesn’t drink, she told you so.

If you have lived through this scenario, then you are probably feeling a little bit anxious right now. If you haven’t, take action now so you don’t have to! As a parent, you have the power to help reduce the chances of your child developing an alcohol problem. You can help your child learn to make smart, safe choices; you can help your youth avoid the dangers of underage drinking.

Get started today! As the parent, it is your responsibility to get involved, to be present, and to guide your child in learning how to make healthy, safe choices. In order to do that, you may need guidance and support along the way. Don’t worry, these practices will get you started on the right path.

1. Build a warm, supportive relationship with your child2. Be a good role model when it comes to drinking, taking medicine

and handling stress3. Know your child’s risk level4. Know your child’s friends5. Monitor, supervise, and set boundaries6. Have ongoing conversations and provide information about

alcohol and other drugs

One way for parents and community members to learn more and connect with other parents is to get involved. Join a substance free coalition or attend community events that focus on these issues. Be proactive, not reactive, when it comes to your child.

Visit www.helpingservices.org/talk for a list of upcoming community events, coalition information in your county, and more information on preventing underage drinking.

Would you prefer to receive this publication via email? Not only is this a convenient option for you, but it helps reduce our costs.

To change your mailing preference, email info@helpingservices.org or sign up online at www.helpingservices.org/wordpress/.

Prevention is published quarterly by Helping Services for Northeast Iowa. Administrative OfficeP.O. Box 372, Decorah, IA 52101Email: info@helpingservices.orgPhone: 563-387-1720 Fax: 563-382-5730

by Jenny Stolka, Delaware County SPF-SIG Coordinator

6 Research-Supported Parenting Practices

MailSend your check with this form to: Helping Services for Northeast Iowa

P.O. Box 372, Decorah, IA 52101Phone Number or email: in case we have questions about your donation

Monthly GiftI will make a gift monthly through an electronic funds transfer in the amount of:

$15 $25 $50 Other $___________I hereby authorize Helping Services for Northeast Iowa to arrange automatic withdrawals from my bank account on the ____day of each month. I understand that I may cancel at anytime with written notice. *IMPORTANT* Please include a voided check.

One-Time GiftI will make a one-time gift and have enclosed a check for the amount of:$30 $50 $100 $500 Other $___________

Wish to make a donation in honor of someone? Please include a note detailing your request.

4 Prevention - Spring 2012

Donor Spotlight: Mr. and Mrs. StreetWe don’t always

know why someone chooses to donate to the work accomplished at Helping Services. We don’t always know why people give year after year. But we do know it’s quite a struggle to effectively show the depth of our appreciation for that kind of commitment.

We do have one special couple, however, who have been funding the work of our agency for twenty-five years. Every month and sometimes more than that, they sit down, make out a check, and put it in the mail. We admire them for their consistent giving because it plays a vital role in our ability to provide services to those who need them.

Recently we asked the Streets, “Why?” Not because we don’t think we deserve or need their gifts, but so we can understand and make sure we’re fulfilling their hopes as a donor. Here’s what this lovely couple had to say:

“Put very simply, we support (and have supported) Helping Services because we like what they do. Whether working with victims of abuse, persons at risk, persons seeking a better lifestyle, etc., every person is seen as an individual of value, with abilities and possibilities to discover and develop. Helping Services’ programs also grow and change to meet new needs as they come along. The direction and responsibilities of our own lives have prevented active participation (e.g., mentoring, counseling, etc.), but we can certainly support those programs and people who work to provide a better life for others.”

-Bob and Joyce Street

How would you respond to that answer? See what we’re up against? How do you thank people who are consistently generous, actively passionate, and faithfully concerned with bettering the lives of others? It’s a task we are glad to take on, and hope we can favorably complete.

Thank you to our donors, especially Mr. and Mrs. Street, for your consistent generosity and role in helping others improve their own lives.

Background story on page 1

Ideas for Hosting a Denim Day

The more people who join the rally against sexual violence, the louder the statement, and the greater the social change.

Here are some things you can do:

• Hang posters* to promote Denim Day at your workplace or club.

• Get others to pledge to wear denim at www.helpingservices.org/denim

• Wear “Ask me why I’m wearing jeans” sticker*.

• Talk about the Italian girl’s story and why social change is needed.

• Host additional Denim Days throughout the year.

• Call Kristi V. at the Resource Center for help planning your event.

• Bring in a speaker* to learn more about the impact of sexual violence.

• Create a school library display highlighting sexual assault awareness.

• Hang posters* around the school that challenge the myths about sexual assault.

• Encourage your school/work newsletter to publish articles.

• Cut out pieces of denim or paper in the shape of jeans and invite students, employees and faculty to write supportive messages on them, and then display them.

• Do a “change for change” fundraiser on Denim Day.

Together we can bring an end to sexual violence.

*Available from the Resource Center1-800-383-2988 or www.helpingservices.org/denim

Ways to Donate

OnlineAll of the giving options through our online services allow you to make a secure gift using your credit card. Make a one-time gift or a donation in honor of someone.

You can also choose to make a monthly gift. Set the value you would like to give each month, and your donation will automatically be made each month. You always have the option of adjusting the gift or ending the monthly giving.

www.helpingservices.org/donateDonate

Now

Rob and Joyce Street have been faithfully sending a check to our agency each month for twenty-five years.

Longtime sports broadcaster Pat O’Brien told this story about basketball great, Michael Jordan.

While at an autograph signing session, Mr. O’Brien was accompanied by his young son. Mr. O’Brien, who was seated with the basketball star, was told by Mr. Jordan that his son could step to the front of the line to get his autograph. Mr. O’Brien told Mr. Jordan that he wanted his son to be treated like anyone else. His son waited in line about 1½ hours before he got to the table. After signing the autograph for the O’Brien boy, Michael Jordan turned to Pat and told him that his son was the only person out of several hundred who said “thank you.” That little thank-you left a huge impression on a man who had received thank-you’s and praise for much of his life. I am sure Mr. O’Brien was very proud of his son, and a great lesson had been taught and learned in the process.

The Hausa people of Africa have a saying, “Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.” I believe the above story illustrates this statement. If we probe our memories, all of us can recall a little thank-you offered by someone that meant so much at that moment.

A few weeks ago my wife and I attended Helping Services’ 14th birthday party celebration for the Building Bridges Through Mentoring Program. It was enjoyable hearing the stories from young and older about the impact the mentoring activities have had on their lives. Many thank-you’s were expressed that evening.

During monthly board meetings, the Board of Directors has had the opportunity to listen to various agency staff people share with us the work that they do. We are truly thankful for them and all that they do.

Recently two new members joined the board. I thank them and all persons who step forward to carry out the mission of Helping Services for Northeast Iowa.

-Steven Drewes, Board President

helpingservices.org 5

From the Board of Directors

Thank You, Mr. Jordan

2 and 40. Remember those numbers. They are important. They tell a compelling story. 2 and 40.

A few weeks ago, my little brother and I went for a bike ride on our local bike trail. We were looking forward to the fresh, spring air, the blades of grass emerging from the ground, and the birds singing their approval. We were not looking forward to the big problem we discovered.

Recently, the VCC began a campaign to draw attention to this problem. The Every Can a Crime campaign is a project to show the community the severity of a problem we deal with every day. Although many people believe the main problem with beer cans in the ditch is litter, there is actually a much larger underlying problem. Every beer can in the ditch represents a person who was drinking and driving. When a person chooses to drink and drive, they are choosing to endanger not only their own life, but also the lives of everyone else driving on that road. This campaign is an effort to show all community members that every single beer can on the side of the road represents a serious crime.

Because there were so many cans, we decided to pick them up. However, there were too many cans to carry, so we had to make piles and come back with more bags. The most upsetting part of the experience was riding out to pick up the remaining piles just 15 minutes later and discovering a fresh can in the ditch. I also found cans along the streets in town.

Due to what we saw, it made me worry about all the kids playing outside in the nice weather. They could be hit and killed by a drunk driver whose reflexes have been slowed. All the cans further convinced me that my community has a serious problem.

Take some time to look around and spot the cans. I guarantee it will not be difficult.

Do you remember the numbers? 2 and 40. One is ‘miles from my house to my school’ and the other is ‘beer cans found along one side of the road.’ Any guesses as to which number belongs to which?

Cans Belle and her brother cleaned up during their bike ride. Vccsoda.org has more on the Every Can A Crime campaign and other SODA (Students Okay without Drugs and Alcohol) projects.

by Belle Hemesath, SODA Vice President

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New Resource for Parents of High School Seniors

Highlights Inside

Host a Denim Day ...............................1What We’ve Learned About Poverty ...1Recipe for Change ..............................2Are You On the Right Parenting Path?...3What Do You See?...............................5

It’s hard to believe that college may be right around the corner for your student. Your worries and hopes for your child don’t stop when you drop them off on campus. You may think that the opportunities for conversations with them about alcohol and other drugs have ended, or your influence over their decisions is coming to a close. But they don’t have to. Your influence as a parent continues, even when they’re not living under your roof.

The first six weeks away at college can be very important. This may be the first time that your new collegiate is exploring their new-found independence. They choose their friends, join campus activities and groups, and set the stage for how they will socialize on and off campus. They may experiment with drinking or put themselves in uncomfortable situations. Because of this, keeping the communication open with your new student during the first six weeks, and beyond, is very important.

We have created, Off to College: Now What?, a resource with week-by-week tips for how to continue important conversations with your child through the first six weeks of college and beyond. The booklet also contains additional resources you can check out, as well as a quick tool to use that may help you identify if your student may need some additional help.

Page through or download a copy at www.helpingservices.org, or call to request a copy in the mail.

6 Prevention - Spring 2012

This booklet includes information about the risks, consequences and warning signs of alcohol, drug and tobacco use and what your role could look like in this next stage of your child’s life.

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