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OUMH1303 ENGLISH FOR ORAL COMMUNICATIONSHAKIZAH BT SAID 670101-02-6430001

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FACULTY OF EDUCATION AND LANGUAGES

OUMH1303

ENGLISH FOR ORAL COMMUNICATION

MAY 2014 SEMESTER

Name: SHAKIZAH BT SAID

Matric Number: 670101-02-6430001

NRIC: 670101-02-6430

Telephone Number: 013-4010060

E-mail Address: [email protected]

Tutors Name: FADZILLAH BIN FADZIL

Learning Centre:

OPEN UNIVERSITY MALAYSIAKEDAH LEARNING CENTRE

Semester: September 2012


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Assallammualaikum and a very good morning i bid to all of you. Thank you very mucheveryone, thank you for coming along to grace the Opening Day of Brainy Montessori. As afounder of this institution, i feel extremely glad to see your highly cooperation and supporttowards us. I am honored to be with you today to share my view on parenting. Im going toshare my opinions on the difficulties of being parents today, how to raise a kid with all roundedpersonality; what the top priority of childrens life should be and finally, my own experience as a

child.Parents are to children what gardeners are to flowers. The flower has to blossom one day

to beautify the gardenbut it does need that gentle touch of love and care you know

Allahs Apostle said, When night falls (or it is evening), keep your children close to you for thedevils spread out at that time. But when an hour of the night elapses, you can let them free. Closethe doors and mention the Name of Allah, for Shaytaan (Satan) does not open a closed door.

Bukhari 4:523, Narrated Jabir bin AbdullahBeing a parent can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences of our life, but

that doesnt mean its easy. No matter what age your child or children are, your work is never

done. To be a good parent, you need to know how to make your children feel valued and loved,while teaching them the difference between right and wrong. At the end of the day, the mostimportant thing is to create a nurturing environment where your children feel like they can thriveand develop into confident, independent, and caring adults.For example:

Tell them you love them every day, no matter how angry at them you may be.

A gentle cuddle, a little encouragement, appreciation, approval or even smile can go along way to boost the confidence and wee-being of your children.

Give lots of hugs and some kisses. Make your children comfortable with love andaffection from birth.

Love them unconditionally; dont force them to be who you think they should be in order

to earn your love. Let them know that you will always love them no matter.

1.0 Praise your children. Praising your children is an important part of being a good parent.You want your kids to feel proud of their accomplishments and good about themselves. If youdon't give them the confidence they need to be out in the world on their own, then they won't feel


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empowered to be independent or adventurous. When they do something good, let them know thatyou've noticed and that you're very proud of them.

Make a habit of praising your children at least three times as much as you give themnegative feedback. Though it's important to tell your children when they're doingsomething wrong, it's also important to help them build a positive sense of self.

If they are too young to fully understand, praise them with treats, applause, and lots oflove. Encouraging them for doing everything from using the potty to getting good gradescan help them lead a happy and successful life.

1.1 Avoid comparing your children to others, especially siblings. Each child is individualand unique. Celebrate their differences and instill in each child the desire to pursue their interestsand dreams. Failure to do so may give your child an inferiority complex, an idea that they cannever be good enough in your eyes. If you want to help them improve their behavior, talk aboutmeeting their goals on their own terms, instead of telling them to act like their sister or neighbor.This will help them develop a sense of self instead of having an inferiority complex.

Comparing one child to another can also make one child develop a rivalry with his or hersibling. You want to nurture a loving relationship between your children, not acompetitive one.

Avoid favoritism. Surveys have shown that most parents have favorites, but mostchildren believe that they are the favorite. If your children are quarreling, don't choosesides, but be fair and neutral.

1.2 Listen to your children. It's important that your communication with your children goesboth ways. You shouldn't just be there to enforce rules, but to listen to your children when theyare having a problem. You have to be able to express interest in your children and involveyourself in their life. You should create an atmosphere in which your children can come to youwith a problem, however large or small.


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You can even set aside a time to talk to your children every day. This can be beforebedtime, at breakfast, or during a walk after school. Treat this time as sacred and avoidchecking your phone or getting distracted.

If your child says he has to tell you something, make sure you take this seriously anddrop everything you're doing, or set up a time to talk when you can really listen.

Make time for your children. Be careful not to stifle or smother them, however. There's a bigdifference between protecting someone and imprisoning them within your too unyieldingdemands. You want them to feel like your time together is sacred and special without makingthem feel like they are forced to spend time with you.

Spend time with each child individually. Try to divide your time equally if you havemore than one child.

Listen and respect your child and respect what they want to do with their life.

Set aside a day to go to a park, theme parks, museum or library depending on theirinterests.

Attend school functions. Do homework with them. Visit their teacher at open house to geta sense of how they are doing in school.

1.3 Be there for the milestones. You may have a hectic work schedule, but you should doeverything you can to be there for the important moments in your children's lives, from theirballet recitals to their high school graduation. Remember that children grow fast and that they'llbe on their own before you know it. Your boss may or may not remember that you missed thatmeeting, but your child will most certainly remember that you didn't attend the play they were in.Though you don't have to drop everything for your children, you should at least try to be therefor the milestones.

If you were too busy to be there for your child's first day of school or another importantmilestone, you are liable to regret it for the rest of your life. And you don't want yourchild to think of his high school graduation as the time when his mom or dad couldn'tshow up.

2.0 Being a Good Disciplinarian


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2.1 Enforce reasonable rules. Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy andproductive life not model rules of your ideal person. It's important to set rules and guidelinesthat help your child develop and grow without being so strict that your child feels like he can'ttake a step without doing something wrong. Ideally, your child should love you more than hefears your rules.

Communicate your rules clearly. Children should be very familiar with the consequencesof their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the reason andthe fault; if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault the punishment willnot have the discouraging effects you desire.

Make sure that you not only set reasonable rules, but that you enforce them reasonably.Avoid overly harsh forms of punishment, ridiculously stringent punishments for minorinfractions, or anything that involves physically hurting your child.

2.2 Control your temper as much as you can. It's important to try to be as calm andreasonable as you can when you explain your rules or carry them out. You want your children totake you seriously, not fear you or think of you as unstable. Obviously, this can be quite achallenge, especially when your children are acting out or just driving you up the wall, but if youfeel yourself getting ready to raise your voice, take a break and excuse yourself before you finishtalking to your children.

* We all lose our tempers and feel out of control, sometimes. If you do or say somethingyou regret, you should apologize to your children, letting them know that you've made a mistake.If you act like the behavior is normal, then they will try to mimic it.

2.3 Be consistent. It's important to enforce the same rules all the time, and to resist yourchild's attempts to manipulate you into making exceptions. If you let your child do something heor she is not supposed to do just because he or she is throwing a tantrum, then this shows thatyour rules are breakable. If you find yourself saying, "Okay, but only just this once..." more thanonce, then you have to work on maintaining more consistent rules for your children.

* If your child feels like your rules are breakable, he'll have no incentive to stick to them.


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2.4 Be a united front with your spouse. If you have a spouse, then it's important that your

children think of you as a united front as two people who will both say "yes" or "no" to thesame things. If your kids think that their mother will always say yes and their father will say no,then they'll think that one parent is "better" or more easily manipulatable than the other. Theyshould see you and your spouse as a unit so there's order in your high school, and so you don'tfind yourself in a difficult situation because you and your spouse don't agree on certain thingswhen it comes to raising the kids.

* This doesn't mean that you and your house have to agree 100% about everything havingto do with the kids. But it does mean that you should work together to solve problems thatinvolve the children, instead of being pitted against each other.

* You shouldn't argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are sleeping, arguequietly. Children may feel insecure and fearful when they hear parents bickering. In addition,children will learn to argue with each other the same way they hear their parents argue with eachother. Show them that when people disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully

2.5 Provide order for your children. Your kids should feel like there's a sense of order anda logic to things in their household and in their family life. This can help them feel safe and atpeace and to live a happy life both in and outside of their home. Here are some ways that you canprovide order for your children:

* Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have limitations. Bydoing so, they actually get a sense of being loved and cared about by their parents. They mightrebel at those boundaries, but inwardly enjoy knowing that concerned parents guide and lovethem.

* Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as a reward for thosejobs give them some kind of privilege (money, extended curfew, extra play time, etc.). As"punishment" for not doing these jobs, they have the corresponding privilege revoked. Even theyoungest of children can learn this concept of reward or consequence. As your child grows, givethem more responsibilities and more rewards or consequences for completing thoseresponsibilities or ignoring them.


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* Teach them what is right and wrong. If you are religious, take them to the religiousinstitute that you follow. If you are an atheist or an agnostic, teach them your moral stance on

things. In either case, don't be hypocritical or be prepared for your child to point out that you arenot "practicing what you preach".

2.6 Criticize your child's behavior, not your child. It's important to criticize your children'sactions, instead of your actual child. You want your child to learn that he or she can accomplishwhatever he or she wants through his or her behavior, instead of being stuck being one kind ofperson. Let him or her feel like he has the agency to improve his behavior.

* When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or her that suchbehavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives. Avoid statements such as: "You're bad."Instead, say something like, "It was very wrong to be mean to your little sister." Explain why thebehavior was bad.

* Be assertive yet kind when pointing out what they have done wrong. Be stern andserious, but not cross or mean, when you tell them what you expect.

* Avoid public humiliation. If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and scold themprivately.

3.0 Helping Your Child Build Character

3.1 Teach your children to be independent. Teach your children that it is okay for them tobe different, and they do not have to follow the crowd. Teach them right from wrong when theyare young, and they will (more often than not) be able to make their own decisions, instead oflistening to or following others. Remember that your child is not an extension of yourself. Yourchild is an individual under your care, not a chance for you to relive your life through them.

* When your children get old enough to make decisions for themselves, you shouldencourage them to choose which extra-curricular activities they want to do or what friends theywant to play with. Unless you think an activity is very dangerous, or a playmate is a very badinfluence, you should let your children figure things out for themselves.


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* A child may have an opposite disposition, ie: introverted when you are extroverted, forinstance, and will not be able to fit into the pattern and style that you choose, and will make hisor her own decisions instead.

* They need to learn that their own actions have consequences (good and bad). By doingso, it helps them to become good decision makers and problem solvers so that they are preparedfor independence and adulthood.

* Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for themselves. Whilegetting them a glass of water before bed is a nice way to make them get to sleep faster, don't do itso often that they come to expect it.

3.2 Be a good role model. If you want your child to be well-behaved, then you should modelthe behavior and character you hope your children will adopt and continue to live by the rulesthat you set. Show them by example in addition to verbal explanations. Children have a tendencyto become what they see and hear unless they make a conscious and concerted effort to break themold. You don't have to be a perfect person, but you should strive to do as you want yourchildren to do, so you don't look hypocritical if you tell your children to be polite to others whenthey find you getting in a heated argument in the supermarket.

* It's perfectly okay to make mistakes, but you should apologize or let your child know thatthe behavior is not good. You can say something like, "Mommy didn't mean to yell at you. Shewas just very upset." This is better than ignoring that you made a mistake, because that will showthe child that he or she should model this behavior.

* Want to teach kids about charity? Get involved and take your kids with you to a soupkitchen or homeless shelter and help serve up meals. Explain to them why you do acts of charityso they understand why they should.

* Teach kids about chores by setting a schedule and having them help you out. Don't tellyour child to do something, but ask for their help. The earlier they learn to help you, the longerthey will be willing to.


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* If you want your son or daughter to learn to share, set a good example and share yourthings with them.

3.3 Respect your child's privacy. Respect their privacy as you would want them to respectyours; for example, if you teach your child that your room is out of boundaries to them, respectthe same with their room. Allow them to feel that once they enter their room they can know that

no one will look through their drawers, or read their diary. This will teach them to honor theirown space and to respect the privacy of others.

* If your child catches you snooping through his or her things, then it may take him a longtime to be able to truly trust you again.

3.4 Encourage your children to have a healthy lifestyle. It's important to make sure thatyour children eat healthy food as much as they can, that they get plenty of exercise, and that theyget enough rest every night. You should encourage positive and healthy behavior withoutharping on it too much or making it seem like you're forcing your children to eat or act a certainway. Let them come to these conclusions on their own while helping them see the meaning andimportance of a healthy life.

* One way to encourage them to exercise is to get them to play a sport early on in life, so

they find a passion that is also healthy.

* If you start over-explaining to the child that something is unhealthy or that they shouldn'tget it, they may take it the wrong way and feel like you are insulting them. Once this happens,they will no longer want to go out to eat with you, and they will feel bad eating around you,which could make them want to sneak and hide junk food from you.

* When trying to enforce healthy eating habits, start it at a younger age. Giving rewards ofcandy to children may create a bad habit, because once they get older, some may feel they shouldreward themselves which can lead to obesity. While they are young, start them out with healthiersnacks. Instead of chips, try goldfish (crackers), grapes, etc.


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* The eating habits they learn as they are younger are the ones they continue to have. Also,never make your child finish their plate, if they say they are not hungry. This can continuethroughout their lives, causing them to finish no matter what portions are on their plate.

3.5 Emphasize moderation and responsibility when it comes to alcohol consumption.You can start talking about this even when children are young. Explain that they will have towait until they are old enough to enjoy a drink with friends, and talk about the importance ofdesignated drivers. Failure to discuss these issues early sometimes contributes to sneaking anddangerous experimentation, if they don't understand.

* Once your friends get to an age where they and their friends start drinking alcohol,encourage them to talk about it with you. You don't want them to fear your reaction and to endup doing something regrettable, like driving drunk because they're too scared to ask for a ride.

3.6 Allow your kids to experience life for themselves. Don't make decisions for them allthe time; they must learn how to live with the consequences from the choices they make. After

all, they will have to learn to think for themselves sometime. It's best they start when you arethere to help minimize the negative consequences and accentuate the positive ones.

* They need to learn that their own actions have consequences (good and bad). By doingso, it helps them to become good decision makers and problem solvers so that they are preparedfor independence and adulthood.

3.7 Let your children make their own mistakes. Life is a great teacher. Don't be too quickto rescue your child from the results of their own actions if the consequences are not overlysevere. For example, cutting themselves (in a minor way) may hurt, but it's better than leavingthem unaware of why sharp objects should be avoided. Know that you can't protect your childrenforever, and they're better off learning life's lessons sooner than later. Though it can be hard tostand back and watch your child make a mistake, this will benefit both you and your child in thelong run.

* You shouldn't say "I told you so" when your child learns a life lesson on his own. Instead,let your child draw his own conclusions about what happened.


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3.8 Give up your vices. Gambling, alcohol and drugs can jeopardize your child's financialsecurity. Smoking, for example, almost always introduces health hazards to your child'senvironment. Second-hand smoke has been linked to several respiratory ailments in children. Itcould also contribute to the early death of a parent. Alcohol and drugs might also introducehealth hazards or violence to your child's environment.

* Of course, if you enjoy having some wine or a few beers now and again, that's perfectlyfine, as long as you model healthy consumption of alcohol and responsible behavior while youdo it.

3.9 Don't place unreasonable expectations on your child. There's a difference betweenwanting your child to be a responsible, mature individual and forcing your child to be perfect orto live up to your idea of what perfect should be. You shouldn't push your child to get perfectgrades or to be the best player on his soccer team; instead, encourage good study habits and goodsportsmanship, and let your child put in the effort that he is capable of.

* If you act like you only expect the best, your child will feel like he or she may nevermeasure up, and may even rebel in the process.

* You don't want to be the person that your child is afraid of because he feels like he willnever measure up. You want to be a cheerleader for your child, not a drill sergeant.

3.10 Know that a parent's work is never done. Though you may think you have alreadymolded and raised your child into the person he or she will become by the time your child donshis or her graduation cap, this is far from true. Your parenting will have a life-long effect on yourchild and you should always give your child the love and affection he needs, even if you'rehundreds of miles away. While you won't always be a constant daily presence in your child's life,you should always let your children know that you care about them and that you'll be there forthem, no matter what.

* Your children will still turn to you for advice, and will still be affected by what you sayno matter what age they are. As the years go on, you can not only improve your parenting

techniques, but you can start to think about how to be a good grandparent


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Parenting can be a source of enormous pleasure over a lifetime. However, it's also a time-consuming and demanding job. In addition to fulfilling their children's basic physical needs,parents face the challenge of fostering the intellectual, emotional and social development of theirprogeny. Like every child, every parent is different. However, all good parents share someessential qualities that help their children develop into responsible adults.

A good parent is many things, but he is not perfect, according to Dr. Sears. He also remindsparents that it's fine to be imperfect as long as you set a good example most of the time. In anycase, even the most effective parent can't control genetic traits or the outside environment. Trustyour instincts as a parent, but don't confuse effective parenting with perfection. Practice showinglove and flexibility toward yourself, as well as toward your children.


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Reference:

1. http://www.parentingadvicetipsinfo/parenting-resource.html2. Parent.Child Relationship3. Parenting Tips www.ResourcefulParenting Tip.blogsport.com4. Secrets to Success in Parenting Your Teen by Sue Blaney5. www.PleaseStopthe Rollercoaster.com6. www.ParentingTeensinfo.com

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