Sowing the seeds of fire

Text & Poems: Pan

Drawings: Amuna, Lalla, Parvati, Shantaya

Coverpaiting: Birgit van Alboom

Layout: Shiva

Publisher & Copyright:

Internationale Künstlergemeinschaft BuddhaHill e.V.

Contact: BuddhaHill CommuneGiegenberg 236160 DipperzGermany

Phone: +49 – (0)6657 - 6392

E-Mail: commune@buddhahill.de

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© 2007 - All rights reserved

ForewordLetting these lines in, receiving Pan´s words, one can only decide once and for all:

for the heart instead of the mind,

for feeling instead of thinking,

for self-observation, watchfulness from moment to moment, instead of a mechanical, automatic, robot-like dragging through life,for meditation instead of „vegetation“,for humour instead of taking this little, tiny appearance called „I“ so god-damned seriously.

Again and again it means to STOP completely, to relax and let it all go. This way, this moment is available, the HERE-NOW.

To receive the beyond, the divine,one has to become utterly receptive.

To be receptive, one has to become fearless.To be fearless, one has to confront all the fears.

By confronting all the fears,one goes beyond them

and only then one can be receptiveand the divine, the beyond, will not hesitate

to have its home in you.Then you are back home,

living in your original centerwhere you came fromand where you will go

when your days in this body are over.

Pan

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To stay close to the fire needs a rebellious spirit, it needs intelligence, the intelligence of the heart, to perceive the stupidity of living in the so called „normal“, actually perverted society. It needs intelligence, to see that all conditionings are an imprisonment, are a way to make one behave, to make one function according to the insane rules of an insane society.

Ongoing self-observation is quite shocking. Feeling the shock about what is called „myself“, that is actually mainly the mad result of automatic behaviour, it becomes totally clear: there is only one way and that is to go deeper into self-observation, with the support of and by being receptive to the Friend who can see from a bird´s perspective.

Let the seeds of fire open up your shell, let the fire of love and consciousness burn you and the waves of love, ecstasy, pure aliveness, playfulness, creativity, humour, meditation, fill your heart.

Each one of the little texts is so essential, if taken fullheartedly into a new day, will create a fiery presence.

Venus

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Sowing the seeds of fireThere is only one spirituality and only one sacredness, and that is total aliveness. The fire of total aliveness is the fire of love. This fire is able to burn the mind-control, the only barrier preventing the individual from connecting and becoming one with the beyond. Mind-control is the result of being punished, in whatsoever way, for being “too much alive” as a child. That way the mind was conditioned and identified itself with the control. The consequence is, that mind fears totality, fears unlimited aliveness. All the cultures down the ages are based on this: “Be controlled and dead while you are alive. Then you are accepted.”

Alive people are not wanted. They are too intelligent, they are questioning, they are not fearful, and therefore cannot be manipulated. All societies and all religions want to have zombies, dead and dull, stupid and frustrated, easy to scare, to manipulate, to lead and to dominate. Any totally alive being is a danger to the dead masses, the aliveness is disturbing the peace of the cemetery where most of the people live, means pretend that they are alive. Totality always goes beyond the controlling mind and opens the door to higher consciousness, but totality is only possible with non-repressed aliveness.

A true mystic is always a wild fire, an uncontrolled fire of love and consciousness, sowing the seeds of fire. So be aware of these dead and cool saints, Satsang-teachers, spiritual leaders etc..., they are representing the “good” old mind-control in a new spiritual dress, sowing the cold seeds of unaliveness. Then the danger is that you die before you have lived.

If you want to live before you die, connect with an alive, wild spiritual fire, come close and start burning with utter aliveness.

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The presenceTo meet a real mystic is a rare phenomenon. Even when it happens, most people miss it because of their sleepiness. This means they are lost in their minds, emotions and actions and by taking this presence for granted. The other possibility for missing is ignorance, means refusing to listen by agreeing or disagreeing and refusing to feel by denying or resisting to be reachable.

Real “great” cases are sometimes sleepy, and if not, ignorant, or vice versa – or both at the same time. Just a few receive the blessing, by being alert all the time and by being available with their full sensitivity. These people are showered with grace and start dissolving into the mystery of being alive, Now and Here, and their inner mystic wakes up and begins to unfold like a flower opening every morning in the light of the sun.

To live close to or in deep connection with a receptive being creates a synchronicity, one becomes also receptive. In the state of receptivity a deep yes to life is happening, one becomes aware of the blissfulness of being one with life, with existence. Then, for the first time, one is able to be in the Here and Now and to experience the blessing of a life in totality. So all depends on the readiness to be receptive, to always decide for receptivity and gather courage to stay receptive and open to life, to the whole existence. Then all separation, suffering and problems end. One is free and receives every day again the blessing of just being.

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The bridgeMind is the known and it fears the unknown. The known lives as a mental definition in a world of labels and words, full of judgements, comparisons and fears. The unknown lives in a world of no words, no labels and is just presence, ecstatic is-ness. The bridge from the mind, the known, to the unknown, the no-mind, is observation, meditation. This bridge has to be build by each individual who is interested in coming to know the world beyond the mind, the world of beingness. To build this bridge, one needs a little patience, a little persistence, and it is easier to do this together, in a group. The group energy is very helpful in this task. It also needs somebody who knows the other side, who is at home in the unknown, to call the friends and remind them to go on walking on this bridge. The bridge is build by continuously walking on it. Meditation, self-observation has to become the state of being; one has to live it in one's daily life. Then a new way of living is happening, full of joy, love and creativity, and every day is a new adventure, moving deeper into the mystery beyond the known.

The miracleIt is very rare to find somebody who really wants to look through his/her mind and its creation, and who wants to take the full responsibility for anything happening in his/her own life. Most people are deceiving themselves, without knowing it or wanting to know it.

To look through one's own mind is liberation, freedom from being driven and ruled by a mad mechanism programmed by insane people. To look permanently through this phenomenon called mind, one goes beyond it and at the same time beyond moods, personal sufferings, destruction, isolation, restlessness and a thousand of other unpleasant states a human being can suffer from.

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The surprising happening is that hardly anybody is ready to put his/her totality into liberating him/herself from the nightmare people call “my life”. At the most, people want to have a little rearrangement of their minds, to make their suffering a little more easy and decorate their life with spiritual knowledge.

After now almost seven years observing that phenomenon, I have decided not to waste my time with people who come for the so-called “wrong reasons”, although they pretend to come for the right ones. Well, their state of being and their actions show very clearly what is happening.

In spite of all this, the miracle is that there are a few people who are really, honestly working for their own liberation. Since this is a very rare phenomenon, I am a very lucky guy to have found them.

Now I can understand all these stories about mystics who searched their whole life to find a being who is ready for complete liberation. Many start, but only very very few want to go all the way. This was always so, and certain things might never change.

A reflection happening in the 54th year of being in a body.

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In the ancient garden

of the Buddhasfragrance

of meditation in the airon a late summer day

Kundalini soundsfriends dancing

on a late summer dayfriends

preparing dinnerfor friends

just to enjoyand to laugh together

in the setting sunof a late summer dayin the ancient garden

of the Buddhastoday

Taking your mind seriously creates the ego, the suffering. Laughing at your mind and its craziness makes you non-serious, sane, ego-less, and all problems disappear that very moment. To live with a non-serious attitude towards yourself destroys the roots of the ego, which is just the mind seriously identified with its functioning, knowledge and memory. Humour functions like the wind that blows away the black clouds, and the sky is clear again.

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To leave the conditioned mind behind needs great courage, because one is leaving the stupid values and the false security of a stupid and false society behind. This is the only possibility to be oneself, a free individual, not ruled by fear, guilt or shame. This freedom is not for cowards, who always compromise out of fear, guilt or shame. This freedom is for the ones who are ready to risk all, to get out of the slavery of the thousands of years old insane, unnatural inhuman concepts which are repressing aliveness and hindering the flowering of your potential to be a natural and free individual.

The conditioned mind is in a constant delirium. Always hallucinating, projecting, worrying and fearing things which do not exist. This kind of mind is ruled by its memories, by the past, and it worries about the future. It lives in its own dream-world, with absurd hopes and utterly stupid ideas and conclusions. If the mind projects its fearful madness (as well as its short sighted desires) long enough, they can start materializing and create consequences mind cannot see. When some of its desires come true, after a short happiness, mind will complain about the new consequences. Of course, mind in its delirium cannot see, that this is a result of its own creation, a consequence of its desire. Only through disciplined self-observation one becomes aware of these facts.

Through self-observation (meditation) one reminds oneself to come back to the moment, to just stay Here Now, then mind cannot project anything. Through not getting involved in thoughts one becomes sober. The first step is to get out of the grip of the mind, so that it has no more power over you, then the de-conditioning can begin. All conditionings have their roots in the personal and collective

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unconscious part of the mind. Meditation or self-observation is gathering the light of awareness to bring consciousness into the different layers of the mind. To bring the light of meditation into the dark parts in oneself is the only possibility to get free from the ancient slavery of completely unnatural conditionings, imprinted by family, culture and religious traditions. One has to clean the mind from it all, then a beautiful, innocent mechanism is left, immensely useful for creating beauty and sharing the joy of a conscious living.

Man lives a mechanical life, lost in his dreams and thoughts, which create hopes and despair and all kinds of problems. Rarely somebody feels the urgency to get out of his/her sad affair called “my life”. Sometimes a few people try, but then, too, they don't want to do much for it. Most hope that somebody/some circumstances will do the miracle, to take away all the unpleasant happenings in their life. Everybody would like to become free and blissful, and live an ecstatic, fulfilled life – and stay the way they are. The investment in the creation called “I” and the pride of the “I”, that now “nobody tells me anything, because finally I can decide”, is still a reaction on the childhood and hinders all real learning and understanding. The ignorance of the “I” does not want to see that this attitude has not created a life which is worth living, it is just a kind of dragging along, far below one's own potential. This potential is unknown, and life is the chance to discover it. Every day is precious on this journey, and this journey is very blissful for the one who is wholeheartedly taking it. Not so many might be ready to go for this task, and along the way many give up, because they don't want to go through the crisis which needs to happen to be born again, to gather the courage, to jump beyond their known misery into an unknown, adventurous, fulfilling life, easy, creative and utterly joyous, just moving from one height to the next, in deep gratitude for this gift to be alive, right Now Here.

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Because of his laziness, man hopes that something can happen from the outside that could bring permanent happiness and contentment. The only thing which can happen from the outside is a shock, which, when taken fully in, will trigger a moment of clarity, a temporary insight in the reality of existence. If this has happened, the real work, which one has to do oneself, can start. When this challenge is taken and one continues with all one's totality to deepen the art of self-observation, then nothing can hinder the unfolding of one's true nature, a silent contentment, a centeredness inside oneself, an ongoing well of well-being, just being here, just being oneself, enjoying this aliveness.

To meet real love is a shock. To digest this shock can take years. If one does not resist, hinder or escape the impact of this happening, one day one finds oneself digested by it. The only difficulty is, there are not many ready for this happening, and it needs a preparation before the shock can be given with a good chance that it is taken.

To get out of all problems, fears, nightmares, difficulties etc., is as easy as to wake up in the morning when the daylight is filling the room. But the mind will deny this simple fact, it has invested so long in darkness, where it spins its crazy world, and will install shutters to prevent the disturbing light that could break the dream, the ancient sleep which never gave a real rest.

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Man is addicted to suffering. Pain is the nourishment for the ego. Human madness walks on two legs called “stubbornness” and “ignorance” into any mess possible. This is what usually people call “my way”. On this way one finds loneliness, isolation, fears, worries and so on. If one has enough of it and wholeheartedly just does what-soever one can do to give up this strange creation, the first glimpses of being carried by the whole, uplifted by love, surrounded by beauty, are happening. One has to decide with all one's energy to create this gap, to open a little door, a window in oneself, so that the rays of the beyond can come in and start to fill your inside. Your soul will cry tears of joy, it has been waiting for so long, so many lives for this to happen.

Mind always tries to escape by going around and by avoiding anything that could show its hidden structure and could bring its patterns to the light. This way of acting only functions in darkness, in the unconscious-ness, where mind hides its ugly side. To get free of the nightmare which a life in unconsciousness creates everyday again, all has to be brought to the light. A deep cleaning is needed to create a space for beauty to happen.

If we cannot bring our energies to love, to the heart, destruction and madness will keep going on. This is the consequence of living in a conditioned mind which is just egocentric. To shift the energy to the heart happens by not following the mind, by just doing the opposite of what the mind suggests. Once one lives in the heart the worst is over, the door to the beyond opens and mind turns into a perfect servant, into a genius tool for expressing the creativity which is received by an overflowing and silent heart.

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Only the heart knows the truth. Spontaneously it happens, instantly the heart knows, immediately it receives the waves of the real, the divine, the true. This is always so, the true is love and it is received only by an open heart. So it is as simple as this: wherever your heart responds spontaneously, trust it. It only responds to the real, the true, you will feel the waves immediately, and they will resonate in you. But you have to be alert, the mind will come in and will try to destroy, to prevent, to argue to close the opening. Don't listen, don't follow, it is the ancient drama happening again. It is the same happening like two thousand years ago: a man called Jesus was meditating forty days, and when his heart was totally open, the mind (the devil) appeared to seduce, to influence him to go back to the world of the mind, the world of power, manipulation, of doubt, of distrust, the world of the ego. The miracle was that the fellow stayed in the heart, he did not listen, he refused to follow. Be aware, whenever your heart is touched, you are at the threshold of the divine. Go for your heart, with all your totality, at any cost. Don't hesitate, don't postpone, don't miss. Such chances are rare, they will not happen very often in a lifetime.

Existence decides. One can only get out of the way and let things happen the way they happen. One can just be an opening to the Beyond, to the Unknown, always ready to do whatsoever the Beyond wants one to do, or patiently being available for all or nothing. Howsoever, all conflicts disappear and one relaxes deeply in just being a servant to the Beyond. Then gratitude and the easiness of resting in emptiness fills the days of one's life.

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An e-mail to a friendsubject: a message from a friend

Beloved,

you wrote on the wall “What's next?”

Remember, next is love. Dive into it wherever you feel it. Don't allow your mind to make it small again, let it grow. Drown in the love you feel, express it, share it, and it heals all and everything, it makes you whole again, and you find peace and contentment wherever you are.

Love lives inside a loving heart. Love is a fire, it burns all falseness. That's why the mind hesitates. Mind is afraid of a wild fire, at the most it wants a small candle, always under its control, and most likely the mind is blowing even this little light off. The “supercharged” controlling mind creates “supercharged” tensions and the poor body has to suffer them. Remember, the controlling mind creates the ego, and the ego is a beggar, begging for love, needy for attention. The ego hates to see its neediness, so the neediness is repressed. The proud ego hides it, and then suffers loneliness.

At the same time, the ego fears becoming dependent when somebody shares love. It fears that somebody could take advantage of its neediness (this the ego would always be ready to do itself). This pattern needs to be brought to the light of love and consciousness, in which this nightmare dissolves.

Everybody carries the potential of a wild, divine love-fire, a burning torch of aliveness, totality and consciousness, just the qualities enlightened rebellion is made of. Please do yourself a favour: don't keep it small. Let the love you feel become a wild fire, let the “Supercharger”, who is actually just super-tension and super-fear, burn in this fire, and all sufferings will turn into ashes. Out of these ashes, on the wings of Love-Consciousness, your inner being is freed, taking off on the flight into the limitless and into eternity.

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The most natural key is love, and meditation happens on its own. Give all your energy into the hands of love, become a Mast, a divine madman. Throw away the control, and cosmic consciousness, divine inspiration will immediately fill the free space inside of you. You have nothing to lose, just that small lonely creation that you call “my life”. Risk it, there is no danger, you can go any time back to it, if you find that to be drunk with the unlimited is not for you. Also please remember: unconditional love is the only true source for original creativity. To live and express the fire of love frees the potential of the individual talents, one becomes an instrument for love and a new “Mozart” is born, utterly drunk with divine sounds. To express this creativity is expressing the beyond. Then one feels just gratitude, blessed, and the deepest contentment a human being can find in one's life is happening. Then one only can bow down to the invisible grace that is always all around, always present, here and now.

These words just happened before the morning meeting, a drunken-with-the-divine-friend just wants to share with you and wishes from the depths of his heart that this will also happen to you.

Love

PAN

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The worst that can happen in a life is to get stuck in half-heartedness. This situation always happens when one has felt something in one's heart, but has not had the courage to go for it every day again. Then the energy goes to the mind which will put it down, doubt, postpone, hesitate, argue etc.

If one does not want to put all the energy in one's heart, it will just turn into sadness, because one does not follow the enthusiasm of the heart. The heart is always enthusiastic, lifts one up, is non-compromising, total, fearless and trustful. When one does not go for this, the mind will then have all kinds of reasonable-looking, absurd explanations, but this does not change the sad and lonely creation one has decided for, by following the cowardice of a fearful mind. Every day decide for the unknown, the heart, and all half-heartedness will disappear, and you will never regret.

Mind fears intensity, totality, because it cannot control or predict it. Now, anything beautiful in life has a total intensity and is unpredictable. The heart neither fears totality nor intensity, nor the unpredictable. The heart is trust, it trusts the unknown. Life in essence is total intensity and is unpredictable. To follow the mind is to miss it. To follow the heart is to live it.

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Living a dead lifeModern man does not experience totality any more. The whole life energy moves into thinking, into the mind. Mind is educated to control aliveness. Any experience of totality is the free flow of total aliveness. Mind cannot be total, it is only a fragment in human life. The only possibility for the mind is total thinking, which leads to sleepless nights, headache and, when practised a lifetime, an overload in the brain, which can manifest in all kinds of madnesses or in brain diseases. Mind is doubt, suspicion, distrust, calculation, fear, control. The consequences are that it has always something to hide and covers this by falseness, refuses to take the full responsibility for its doing, always projecting its own state on others. The mind cannot really commit to anything because it is afraid to commit a mistake, it always believes there are many possibilities. Then it can stay half-hearted and lukewarm. The mind hates to hear that it doesn't have much choices and, even if there were many choices, it would play the same game, wherever it goes. A mind is just a spectator, never fully in. A strong mind is just a strong control, full of fears, judgements and repression. To live in such a state is not living at all. The only possibility is to open up and bring this utterly negative state of mind to the open, so that feeling the consequences of such a state of mind becomes possible. It is full of pain, anger and frustrations, and only through feeling this and taking responsibility for oneself, one is ready to disconnect from this negative state. Then, for the first time, glimpses of love and meditation can happen.

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The most easy way to go beyond one's misery is to let oneself be touched by love and then put all the energy into the commitment to this love. Whenever an individual puts his/her energy into something higher, bigger than the small “I”, a new door opens and one stops turning around oneself. To commit one's life to something one loves dissolves egoism and frees a lot of energy and aliveness which was bound in keeping oneself separate through comparing, resisting, fighting, rejecting and so on. So wherever it happens that your heart is touched, go for it, express it, let it grow. This very moment the door to the divine opens. A spiritual commune can only happen when the center is love. Then a creation is unfolding. To support wholeheartedly such a creation is the most simple and natural way of getting in tune with the whole existence, which knows only one vibration, only one song, the eternal song of love, the source of all creation.

Everybody searches for love, but at the same time has very strange ideas about how it should be. It is like a man who wants to put the ocean into a thimble. The mind creates all kind of absurd conditions, just to avoid love to happen, and that way it can go on spinning its crazy dreams about a love that does not exist because it is mind's imagination. True love is always non-personal, it is the radiance of the beyond, the fragrance of freedom. The power of this love is so overwhelming and frightening for a mind that it creates all kinds of hindrances or, if this is not working, then at least postpones coming close to it.True love is only for courageous people, because it dissolves all control, brings everything hidden in the unconscious to the light, does not compromise, it is always true to itself and opens the door to an unknown world. Then a spiritual journey can begin which has no limit and no end.

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Unconditional love and compassion are the only real values in life. To receive them is a great blessing, but there are not many ready to receive. The ones who are deeply receiving, one day will have to share what they received. To share this is grace, divine grace, one of the rare happenings on this planet. The real thirsty ones will find it. Then don't miss to receive as deeply and as fully as possible. Remember, you can miss by following your mind which is hiding behind cleverness, pride and ignorance, out of the fear of being drowned in the ocean of love and compassion.

Constant self-observation reveals the results of getting involved in thoughts and emotions. Through this observation one creates the ability to have a choice in one's own life.

Children get childrenThe dilemma on this planet is that people, who never grew up themselves, get children. The more unconscious people are, the higher the tendency towards producing children. Now these grown old children are not able at all to raise children. They will just pass on their own madness, of course with the best intentions. Then the next generation of neurotic, psychotic people is on the way. One should be a grown up before deciding for children, and an overpopulated planet actually needs a slowing down of birth-rates.

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Sexuality is the most natural door to the divine. Life is born out of sexuality, so sexuality must carry the secrets of life. All that is needed is to add meditation to sex, for staying conscious and observing the happening. This creates out of an unconscious act meditation. In deep observation of the sexual happening the secrets of life, of existence are revealed. When sex (unconsciousness) meets meditation (consciousness), a natural Buddha – Consciousness is born, which goes far beyond the known spiritual approaches. This is the foundation of spiritual rebellion, the foundation of a new, contemporary spirituality.

Any spirituality which represses, avoids or ignores sexuality is based on an unnatural ground. Such a spirituality stays limited, is non-vital, has no real aliveness and is more or less stupid, just the right soil for creating perversions. Sex-energy is primal life energy, vitality. It can only be understood through living it consciously. By going deep into it with love and meditation, one finds natural intelligence, utterly vital and alive. Then a new spirit is arising, non-divided and deeply rooted in life itself, natural, healthy and uncorrupted, a spirit which has rediscovered its pure, primal innocence. Such a spirit only depends on itself, its individual consciousness. Since it is utterly vital and alive, it has no fear of sharing this fire, the fire of enlightened rebellion.

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All traditions are blind and all rituals are mechanical and therefore unconscious. In short, all traditional rituals create blind stupidities. An alive spirituality is individual, relying only on one's own intelligence, means the ability to reflect on oneself. The subjectivity of one's own perception is the only guideline. An individual who neither represses nor controls his/her senses, lives them with awareness according to their nature and regains his/her original sensitivity, which is the most natural navigator in one's life. Consciousness is always sensitive, and a natural sensitivity always moves towards consciousness. Anything original and valuable can only be alive in a fully sensitive individual. All else is just false, just a copy, and in many cases a copy of the copy of the copy.

A fool draws fast conclusions, a wise man waits and watches. He does not conclude at all, he just answers to the ongoing changing ways of life. A fool gets stuck in his conclusions, he is not flexible, he has to repeat, he cannot change and nothing new happens in his life. A wise man does not repeat anything, he changes continuously, and always new creations are born through him. By following the mind one becomes clever, by going beyond the mind one becomes wise.

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Understanding Meditation:the Consequence

Real meditation makes you utterly alive. This aliveness vibrates love and humour and expresses in unique creativity, it is full of laughter and stillness. If your meditation does not make you more alive, more loving and conscious, humorous or creative, if it does not create stillness and laughter, then mind has deceived itself. Mind is not able to meditate, means to observe. It can only split in two and dream that now it observes. In that case, less aliveness is the consequence, because mind uses the label “meditation” for controlling and repressing aliveness and believes that now calmness, peace and higher consciousness are happening.

Remember: mind is always afraid of uncontrollable aliveness, mind is conditioned, fearful and wants security. To create this security, mind represses aliveness and creates that way a controllable, low energy affair. The cleverness of the mind can create the outer appearance of meditation to hide the mind's insecurity and fears behind it, to stay in charge and to have a beautiful reason for withdrawing from anything vibrating total aliveness, pretending that it is in deep silence: the silence of the graveyard. That way one turns into an in-lotus-posture-sitting- New-Age-zombie.

Meditation, observation, can only happen behind or beyond the controlling mind. It allows it all, neither indulging nor repressing, nor dividing into right/wrong, pleasant/unpleasant. Meditation is a simple state of attentiveness beyond the duality of the mind. The visible and feelable consequence is a unique expression of an overflowing, well balanced, harmonious aliveness.

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A continuous drop of meditation dissolves the rock of unconsciousness

Meditation is a slow process of shifting the attention to that space where alertness and watchfulness are happening. It always works when the individual patiently and continuously practices self-observation and allows this quality to expand into the so-called “daily life”. That way consciousness, the potential of being just a mirror, is remembered and becomes more and more actual. This is the only way to get free from getting caught in an always chattering and dominating mind, which is accidentally programmed down the ages by mad societies and religions. To be free of these programs is the arising of the individuality, which most likely will flower into Buddha-Consciousness.

Every human being carries a great potential, the potential of love, of higher consciousness, of Buddhahood. The potential is like a seed. The seed needs the right soil to open up, to sprout and grow. The individual needs the right surrounding where opening up is easy and supported. If one is not seeking such a surrounding, then one lives like a seed and dies like a nut. If one has found the right surrounding and still refuses to open up, then one lives like a nut and dies like a stone.

For growing, it is necessary to open up, so that the hidden, seed-like potential can sprout, grow and flower and create new seeds which carry the fire of love and consciousness. These seeds again can trigger the potential to open up, to sprout, to grow, to flower and to create new seeds. These seeds can trigger...

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When you are everyday again utterly happy with your life, then go deeper into it and you will disappear into blissfulness. If this is not so, then do something - don't wait for Godot, he will never come.

People do not really want to work on themselves, only so-so. While working in this commune one works on oneself. There is no difference between the outer and the inner work, all is one. People also do not really want to do the outer work, just so-so. If one seeks comfort here, he/she does not understand how to work. To really get free is quite some work, one has to earn this freedom. For the people who understand that anything you do here is for yourself, the work happening on the outside happens simultaneously inside. The work one does inside becomes visible in the work outside. The people who have understood this are not working at all, they are just playing, enjoying, watching the work proceeding. Then work becomes meditation in action, just a beautiful dance of energy, a prayer of gratitude, the joy of creating.

As long as one is searching for happiness and fulfilment outside, one just finds a short, temporary feeling of happiness. Sooner or later it vanishes again, then a new trigger is needed and again the same phenomenon is repeating. It is all accidental. From the outside happiness or unhappiness can be triggered. If happiness is triggered, one clings to the trigger and feels lucky. If unhappiness is triggered, one condemns the trigger and feels as a victim of the bad circumstances, hit by misfortune. This is the price for looking for contentment outside. In either case one is at the mercy of coincidences. The treasure of contentment, of blissfulness is within. Whatsoever happens on the outside does not matter. Whatsoever is triggered does not matter. The one who just stays a witness is not affected, and witnessing can only happen inside.

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You are responsible for your life, nobody else, no circumstances are the reason for your misery. It is only your own unconsciousness which creates problems. If you want to live a fulfilled life, you need to expand in consciousness until there is only consciousness, with nobody in it who could claim it.

People keep things secret and private. Just to hide the mind concepts, they need to create the excuses for their separation. Once the heart is touched, this strange behaviour starts happening, because this is the only way to stay on the known way of the mind. If one has decided for the mind, he/she will hide the reasons for staying separate, because they could be taken away. Then one loses the excuse and has to admit that there is fear of being no more in control. There is a deep fear in human beings to live without sufferings and problems, because then separation becomes impossible and the ego needs its separation to exist. People are so used to live in this misery they call “my life“ that they become afraid of getting out of it. It feels to them like losing their home, their protection. To live completely open, without any separation, is the only real coming home, the conscious reunion with the whole, the dissolving into the divinity of this existence.

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Two things never meet: ego and receptivity. Only one is possible, they cannot exist together. The mind is afraid of receptivity, it interprets it as weakness. The fear is of losing control, of being no more in charge. The ego-mind wants to be the master, wants to be in charge, thinks it knows it all, does not want to learn and refuses to feel the separation, the isolation. This kind of mind is always ready to struggle and fight, just to say “I also know”, “I have my own perception” (actually it is just an opinion) and “I am right”. Through observing this kind of mind one becomes aware of the consequences, of the identification with the ego, one becomes aware of one's lonely, isolated suffering and the stupidity of struggling for one's own nightmarish, absurd creation called “me”, which is an attention-hungry, mental self-deception. To wake up from this madness is the greatest blessing of a lifetime.

The “I know” - JunkieThis fellow is in a constant delirium, always drugged with stupidity, ignorance and arrogance. Well, the poor creature wastes his life with suffering, struggling, arguing, fighting and begging for attention, just to show that “I also know something”.

All his life energy is trapped in a very small, almost autistic world of repeating the same unconscious acts again and again.

Love, creativity, contentment, blissfulness will never happen to our addicted “I know it, and mostly I know better” - mind. It really needs a great intelligence to become aware of the futility of the knowing mind and it needs courage to take off the blindfold of the automatic ignoring mind, just to receive the ongoing blessings of this existence every day again.

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Mind runs in programs, in patterns, which are more or less autistic, rigid and inflexible. The visible manifestations of the mind are the individual habits. Habits are the visible automatic repetition of the invisible automatic repetition in the mind. To keep one's habits is to keep the automatic, unconscious patterns alive. This whole happening creates fixations on any level, and the mind will argue, protest and protect its habits, and therefore, simultaneously, its rigid, mental structure. A deep looking through the mind and its programs is needed to become flexible, to get out of all kinds of fixations, to be free of unconscious, automatic repetition on any plane. Only self-observation and letting go of habits can reveal the subtle, compulsive mechanisms of a conditioned mind and their results, the rigid way of living. To go beyond this is stepping out of prison into unlimited inner freedom.

Mind is a restless fellow, watch it, don't get involved. Mind always wants to do something and asks for attention for “its so important activities”, just watch and always come back to the here now. Mind is just a mechanism, once it has started, it runs. Through observation one becomes the master of this mechanism, then one can switch it on and off. Without observation, the mechanism runs and becomes the master and one is at the mercy of a crazy mind machine which runs in every direction and gets lost, or it runs in circles and gets mad. Relaxation and peace are only possible by mastering one's own mind.

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The “I”: a grown old childThe basic development of the “I” or the “ego” or the “personality” happens between the age of three years up to the age of fourteen. Then the frame one is living in is built and just gets more refined and decorated over the years. Of course this is all unconscious and covered with beautiful rationalizations. Most people live and suffer their childishness through their whole life, without a trace of awareness on this simple fact. Only the conscious effort of inner work and meditation can reveal and dissolve this tragedy. One needs to make the task of transcending the childish I with all one's totality to the only priority in one's life, all else is secondary. Then, and only then, an inner growing up into a real adult state of being, also known as Buddhahood, is bound to happen.

Transformation alone won't door

The dream of climbing the spiritual ladderAll painful experiences are the holding on to the known, to the I-creation. There is no way to overcome something that does not exist. One can only look through, and then joy and laughter are happening. By looking through, one understands the absurdity of overcoming something what did not exist in the first place. It is just like waking up and realizing that all struggle and pain were a self- created dream, a holding on to a nightmare. There is no way to transform a dream,

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that will just lead to another dream. The “I” always would like to go through a transformation, it would like to become a better “I”, more powerful, wise and shining. Transformation is like car-wash, the polluted ego-personality seeks to become clean and look better, and after the wash, to look almost new. Transformation is just a change of gestalt, a necessary step, but only in the beginning, because the dreaming “I” needs a motivation to start the inner journey. It is not interested in realizing its non-existence, it seeks a better and more secure life. Most of the seekers stop here, after they have found a little comfort (remember the car-wash), means a spiritual decoration, having found new inner furniture, and now they are pleased with their new home. Then the transformed and new “I” sits in its new armchair and philosophizes about the transpersonal state of being. That way the next step never happens. Transcendence is the next step. This can only happen through a shock, and when fully received, a sudden looking through happens. The realization of the non-reality of the I-creation triggers a blissful explosion, in which all suffering and struggling disappear. In most cases it needs a few of these shocks, before finally the dream-identity vanishes.

Then one cannot fall back, because a falling into the I-creation is immediately recognized by its painfulness, and it is simply impossible and unbearable to live there. Then one can only live beyond the I-identification where love and creativity, lightness, humour and a silent contentment are unfolding. This state of being is so overwhelming that one can only laugh about the childishness of giving the blissful emptiness inside a definition, labels, or about creating maps for transformation in the belief that through exploring the mind with the mind awakening can happen. That way one only becomes an expert in something the mind desires. The realization that one has fallen again into the trap of the desiring mind can create the necessary shock for waking up and laugh on one's own foolishness, and then one enjoys just to be oneself, just a simple ordinary human being.

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The simplicity of just being present and of this presence unfolding into the limitless is a non-describable happening, and at the same time very ordinary, just the inner nature, the highest potential of a human being unfolding.

This letter was inspired through the visit of Veetman at BuddhaHill and his wish to get a feedback on his CD “Transformation in living and dying”.

All that is beautiful, uplifting and inspiring comes from the beyond, a state of egolessness. Real creativity is transpersonal, the creator is totally absorbed in creating, just a vehicle for the divine, the universal spirit. That way the spirit of the beyond manifests itself. The secret act of creation since eternities takes form out of the formless. A true creator is always just a tool, an instrument in the hands of the unknown, the nameless with the thousand names.

Expectations create disappointmentAll expectations are of the ego-mind, which will blame others or itself for not getting what it secretly desired. The most natural way to go beyond this dilemma is love. Love has no expectations.

If it has, it is not love, it is mind pretending. Love opens the gate to the mysterious. By going deep into it the ego-mind dissolves and meditation starts happening. Love is the starting point into a journey of expanding consciousness. This journey has no end, it is the very heartbeat of eternity.

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As long as there is an unobserved mind, mind turns into ego. Ego is identification with the mind and his beliefs, and this the mind calls then “me” or “I”. As long as this is happening, there cannot be clarity. When there is no clarity, anything mind believes in will be projected, and the mind believes, this is the reality. In this state of mind, whatsoever one says or believes is just fragmentary, most likely just projected madness, or sometimes a far away distorted reflection of the reality. Only a permanent observed mind becomes transparent, and one can go beyond it. There, and only there, clarity is happening.

Pan's answer to a question from a friendSubject: All analysis moves in circles

Beloved,

no, this is not what I try to tell. The author you refer to is a typical thinker. Using his mind to figure something out. Any analysis is of the mind and therefore limited, short-sighted, not fully conscious, just an aspect of the whole. No thinking (analysis) can create understanding, it is just a mind game. Of course mind is able to figure out some fragments of truth, at the most it is some far away reflection of the whole. Out of this the mind creates a conclusion and believes that it has understanding, solutions, wisdom etc.

All I'm trying to share is experience, happening through self-observation, through consciousness, which is beyond mind. Only consciousness has a higher view, it can see and understand the whole, since it belongs to it. Then this understanding uses the mind-mechanism to communicate.

Love

PAN

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One can only go beyond mind through observing the mind mechanism.

Through continuous observation one gets an understanding about the mind mechanism: Through observation one becomes aware of the consequences of following the mind. Through observing the consequences it becomes obvious that it is much wiser to not get entangled in thoughts. One just gets lost in them and loses any sense of reality, and finally suffers loneliness and isolation. Through just watching, always watching and always coming back to the Here Now - in case one gets for a moment forgetful – mind slows down. Gaps of stillness, of deep relaxation are happening. By going deeper and deeper into it, one goes beyond mind, beyond being ruled by a mental mechanism and its mad programs. Then a new space is opening: the reality of resting in isness. One can just be oneself, peace inside, and the beauty of love all around.

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To live close to or in deep connection with a receptive being creates a synchronicity, one becomes also receptive. In the state of receptivity a deep yes to life is happening, one becomes aware of the blissfulness of being one with life, with existence. Then, for the first time, one is able to be in the Here and Now and to experience the blessing of a life in totality. So all depends on the readiness of being receptive, to always decide for receptivity and gather courage to stay receptive and open to life, to the whole existence. Then all separation, suffering and problems end. One is free and receives every day again the blessing of just being.

Freedom starts beyond jealousyAs long as love is exploited through conditions, the need for attention and a begging being is there. This situation creates as a result possessiveness and dependency on all levels.

Only unconditioned love can free individuals from the curse of jealousy. Love means freedom, to be yourself and share yourself without any restrictions with whomsoever.

Love is only real when it gives total freedom, is sharing without expectations or asking anything in return.

Love is freedom, freedom is love and it starts to open beyond jealousy.

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Subject: The always expanding

Existence at play: the revelation

The one who has received the divine plan has to walk alone, to carry out the revelation. This revelation is self supporting, complete in itself. Serving the fourth, to work day and night to play the role of the play-master of the fourth way.

Existence sends the people, constant sharing is the universal law of the play. The divine plan always goes further, always expanding, now into this dimension. Never tried, never happened before. A new synthesis is happening, the fourth way takes a leap, the days of Tantra have come to merge with the fourth way. A new dimension is happening.

This is the only potential - powerful enough in our days to ignite people - to create the New Man - the foundation for enlightened rebellion to flower. The only hope for the future of humanity.

Cosmic fire to evaporate the water, so that it can rain love and compassion all over this planet. To wake up the one spirit, the non-dividable, giving water and light that it can grow into a new spiritual dimension, ready to take the quantum leap into higher consciousness on this earth.

Thus speaks the divine plan and carries out the divine play simultaneously.

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The silent explosion........the awakening of the New Man

The rediscovery

The mystic G.I.Gurdjieff discovered what he called the “Fragments of an unknown teaching”. In Gurdjieff himself this old experiment renewed itself, got new impulses and carried on. This newly reawakened science came in the figure of Gurdjieff for the first time to the West of Europe and to America. Gurdjieff was the incarnated science, which is called the “Fourth Way”.

The Fourth Way is the perfect spiritual perpetuum mobile. This so called “way” is a simple, direct and extremely practical experiment. That means progressing on the Fourth Way is only then possible, when the one who practices this way has lifted another being to the place of his grade of perception. This happens through direct sharing and by passing on essential experiences from being to being. The moment another being has taken his place on the new grade of perception, the same principle is now valid for this being. It has from now on to pass on the new experiences to progress in its own unfolding.

This way an alive stream of progressing in becoming conscious is created. This practice was probably used by a few mystics of Asia and the Orient since thousands of years and had more or less local influences on the spiritual and material life in the respective regions of our planet.

In the mystic Osho, Gurdjieff's effort to establish a spiritual synthesis between East and West continued. Osho united in himself all the up to now known spiritual paths and created a new contemporary spirituality, in which Tantra takes a decisive key role. Osho awakened Tantra to new life and liberated this way spirituality from the prison of rigid moralism, separation of the sexes in the name of so called “religiousness” and from the condemnation of a natural sexuality (see

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the publication “From Sex to Superconsciousness”).

The combination of meditation and sexuality creates an utterly vital and intelligent spirituality, which leads at its highest point to the flowering of an enlightened, individual rebellion. This is then the beginning of an unlimited expansion of consciousness in an individual.

The fusion of Tantra and the Fourth Way is on the spiritual plane the same as the nuclear fusion would be on the material energy level. The New Man can only come into beingness through this enormous energy happening, that proceeds completely silent. This is the task that existence has given to me. This experiment unites the wisdom of the East with the scientific vitality of the West. This is the continuation of an unbroken conscious effort, which G.I.Gurdjieff, the spiritual master-pioneer carried to the West, and which came to a spiritual flowering that has never been there before in Osho, the enlightened master. This is the concentrated form, the essence of my play, which one can also call work. Practically looked at, it needs the courage to leave all the known, at least on the mental plane, and sometimes maybe also.....

About consequences and side effects, no doctor or pharmacist knows anything, there it is better to talk to Mr.P., or to one of the few people who are close to him. This New Man has awakened to life in some of my friends (I hope that it is not a premature birth), and in others it starts awakening, at least there is the possibility for it.

The Fourth Way and Tantra have united in me and gave birth to a new being, that can give birth to new beings again, if this is wanted. This new being is the potential in every human being, it only needs the wish and the will of the individual to awaken and support it with all his total energy. To support this intention in human beings is the task that was given to me from existence. Existence also gave me the freedom to find out after close investigation, with which individuals is worthwhile taking the effort or where there is a certain chance to come to a result that is to some extent satisfying. Therefore, and only therefore, this being called Mr. P. keeps existing, and by the way remarked there are good chances right now to still go on for a long time, whether for the

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pleasure or the displeasure of my fellow travellers, that is up to them.

P.S.: Contact only at your own risk, it could lead to radical changes in your life. Please be clear whether you really want this. If yes, heartily welcome.

There have been enlightened beings, but Enlightened Rebels were rare, because not many people have the courage and the intelligence to go beyond the collective unconscious. One can find individual freedom from the “I”, the identification with the mind and its ideas. One can go beyond the body-mind identification and still carry the beliefs and values of the society, race, culture and religion one grew up in. For a quantum-leap in consciousness on this planet enlightened rebellion is a must, because just individual liberation won't do. All the so-called values of thousands of years of cultivation and religion have to be questioned, looked at, and most of them need to be thrown away, so that a complete new beginning, a complete new creation is possible. To continue with the known will just create the same results, which proved by now disastrous. Humanity has not grown much, it is still ego-oriented and cruel, it is still on a warfare, either economical or with weapons. The roots for this catastrophe are in religious and racial madnesses. All societies on this planet are influenced by and built on the stupid and blind beliefs of religious and racial concepts. So it is obvious that a great spiritual rebellion is needed to go beyond the crap called tradition, which is thousands of years old. It is high time to recognize that there are only divine beings living here, belonging to this planet. No nations, no religions, only world-citizens, only individual religiousness, connecting and working together in this consciousness.

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BuddhaHill Publications

CD's:Whispers from the UnknownWild Flowers & Spring FireSounds of EmptinessLife – a play of joyThe eternal sourcePan's Meditations:

BuddhaHill Tantric MeditationBuddhaHill Sacred Meditation

Pan's Morning Talks (various subjects)

BOOKS:A few tales in eternityThe inglorious, impossible, immoral views of a sincere foolMulla Nasruddin's No-Way-Institutefor personality-dissolving

POEM BOOKLETS:Songs for friends

VIDEOCLIPS on DVD or SVCD

BuddhaHill DocumentaryBuddhaHill Art Movies:

Drop the Lot and Dance!(Animation movie about conditioning)The Common NeedlingYesterday