soft targets

"Soft Targets" - Final draft

by

Ujwal Nair

EXT. TERRACE TANK. DAY

We’re on top of a tank which is on top of a building.

Here we find a young bespectacled man seated in a chair.

There’s a table in front of him. On it, there’s an ashtray

with cigarette butts, a notebook that’s not open, and a pen.

All of a sudden the man opens the book, picks up the pen,

uncaps it and writes his name on the first page: Vishnu. He

turns the page and writes:

"INT. CANNIBAL HECTOR’S DINING ROOM. NIGHT"

INT. CANNIBAL HECTOR’S DINING ROOM. NIGHT

A room with minimal but dramatic lighting.

Cannibal Hector, a good-looking, formally dressed man, sits

at the head of a table. There’s a plate in front of him with

a few pieces of meat.

Enter, a man in a leather jacket and a hat. We don’t see his

face.

Hector takes out a gun and points it at the man.

HECTOR

Kalki.

KALKI

Hector.

HECTOR

I’ve been expecting you.

KALKI

I can see that. Where’s the

Brahmin?

HECTOR

You mean the Vibhuti boy?

KALKI

Yeah the Vibhuti boy.

Hector pushes the plate forward and points at the meat with

a fork.

HECTOR

He’s right here.

Kalki keeps quiet.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

HECTOR

Hey Vibhuti, look who’s here. It’s

Kalki. He’s here to save you.

KALKI

That’s enough you sick bastard!

EXT. BUILDING’S TERRACE. DAY

A voice from behind Vishnu shouts...

VOICE

You sick bastard!

Vishnu turns to find a man with vibhuti on his forehead.

VISHNU

Was that you?

MAN

Yeah!

VISHNU

...Do I know you?

MAN

You know the Vibhuti boy? The one

you chopped up and served as dinner

to that Hector fellow? Yeah that’s

me.

VISHNU

I see. But I didn’t chop you up.

Hector did.

VIBHUTI

Well he wouldn’t have chopped me up

if you hadn’t written that he

chopped me up.

VISHNU

True.

VIBHUTI

You don’t think that was a sick

fucking thing to write?!

VISHNU

It was. It was a terrible thing to

write. But it happened. And my job

is to write what happens.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3.

VIBHUTI

It happened? It happened?! What do

you mean by that exactly? Are you

saying it’s a true story?

VISHNU

No.

VIBHUTI

Then how the fuck can you say it

happened?

VISHNU

It happened in my head. I imagined

it.

VIBHUTI

What’s wrong with you?! Why would

you imagine such a horrific thing?!

(he points at the notebook/script)

You intend to make that into a

movie someday right?

VISHNU

Yeah...?

VIBHUTI

Is that the kind of thing you want

to be known for?! You want people

to think you’re a sick fuck?! You

want them to think you’re a

psychopath?!

VISHNU

Relax no one’s going to think I’m a

psychopath.

VIBHUTI

Why not? Why wouldn’t they?

VISHNU

Because it’s just a movie.

VIBHUTI

Just a movie?

VISHNU

Just a movie.

VIBHUTI

Just a movie. In which a character

gets slaughtered, chopped up and

eaten by another character. Yeah

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

VIBHUTI (cont’d)that’s totally acceptable, no one’s

going to have a problem with that.

VISHNU

No. No what happened to you was

wrong, I admit it. But at the end

of the day it’s just a movie...and

you’re just a character so...

VIBHUTI

So no one will give a fuck.

VISHNU

Exactly.

Silence.

VISHNU

...Can I get back to writing now?

VIBHUTI

Why me man?!

VISHNU

Why you? Hm...I’m afraid only

Hector has the answer to that.

VIBHUTI

Don’t give me that shit!

VISHNU

(losing patience)

If it wasn’t you it would’ve been

someone else. Hector was hungry, he

had to eat. And the audience needs

to know what an evil fellow he is.

VIBHUTI

Tell me why you wrote me in the

first place? Was it just so I could

be killed off and eaten by some

lunatic?

VISHNU

Truthfully, yes.

VIBHUTI

Didn’t I mean anything to you?

VISHNU

Not really.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 5.

VIBHUTI

Shit man. Why couldn’t you have

made Hector a regular

non-vegetarian?! I mean, why can’t

he be eating chicken instead of a

human being?

Eureka!

VIBHUTI

Wait...I’ve got it. Here’s a great

idea. Re-write the scene...

VISHNU

No way!

VIBHUTI

Listen. Re-write the scene. Let

Hector be a regular non-vegetarian

eating chicken this time. Make the

hero of the movie the dead

chicken’s lover.

VISHNU

What?!

VIBHUTI

Think about it! The hero is a

chicken. The dead chicken’s lover.

And he’s come to avenge her death.

He kills Hector and inspires a

movement against non-vegetarianism!

It’ll be the most entertaining

message movie ever made!

VISHNU

Great. But what if the dead chicken

shows up and starts lecturing me

about animal cruelty?

VIBHUTI

Then you can explain to her that

the movie actually condemns animal

cruelty and shows that humans get

punished for killing innocent

animals.

VISHNU

That would be enough to console the

chicken?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

VIBHUTI

I think so, yes.

VISHNU

Right. So listen. I don’t in any

way condone cannibalism. In fact

I’m totally against it. And

Cannibal Hector will be punished

for what he did to you. Trust me.

Feeling better now?

Long pause.

VIBHUTI

...You think you’re really smart

don’t you.

VISHNU

Look I’m sorry you’re dead. I’m

sorry you were eaten up by a

Cannibal. I’ll try and make it up

to you by giving him a painful

death.

VIBHUTI

You’re so kind, really, such a

wonderful soul.

VISHNU

I’m going to continue writing now.

Vishnu picks up his pen and continues writing.


Kalki is fuming...

HECTOR

They don’t call me Cannibal Hector

for nothing.

KALKI

After tonight, they’ll call you the

late Cannibal Hector.

HECTOR

Why would they call me that?

KALKI

’Cause I’m going to slay you

tonight.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 7.

HECTOR

Ooh. Scary stuff.

KALKI

Why don’t you drop your weapon and

fight like a man?

A VOICE

Hey!

A long-haired man with a weird sense of clothing emerges

from behind Hector’s chair.

MAN

Boss is the man.

KALKI

Who the hell is this?

HECTOR

He’s a goon.

GOON

(to Hector, sounding hurt)

Boss, I have a name you know?

HECTOR

(menacing as hell)

No I don’t know. You know why?

Because I don’t make it a point to

remember the names of lowlife

pieces of shit!

GOON

...Okay boss.

HECTOR

Now entertain our guest while I

finish my meal.

Hector pulls his plate towards himself.

Goon hops onto the table. He starts...


Vibhuti watches while Vishnu writes.

VIBHUTI

Why are you wasting time with this

loser!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 8.

VISHNU

Hey get lost!

Vibhuti walks away. Vishnu continues writing.


Goon starts doing some crazy matrix-style kung-fu moves

while approaching Kalki. He doesn’t stop with his moves

until he reaches the end of the table, at which point he

jumps, twirls in the air and lands right in front of Kalki.

He rises to find Kalki holding a gun. It’s aimed right at

his forehead. Kalki fires.

Hector springs up from his chair


The dead goon comes out of nowhere and starts approaching

Vishnu and Vibhuti.

GOON

Hey what the fuck man?!

VISHNU

Who’s this now?

GOON

Why did I have to die in such an

embarrassing manner?

VISHNU

The Goon?

GOON

Yes asshole!

VISHNU

Right. Listen, I don’t have to

explain shit to anybody. Least of

all a couple of dead characters.

VIBHUTI

I think you do owe him an

explanation.

VISHNU

What was that?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 9.

VIBHUTI

Look at least my death gave your

Kalki character some motivation to

challenge Hector. So I didn’t die

entirely in vain. But this guy? He

pops out of nowhere, he gets called

a piece of shit, and he dies a

funny, inconsequential death.

VISHNU

Exactly! That’s the idea! His death

was meant to be comic relief.

That’s why he had to die the way he

did.

Goon breaks down.

GOON

My death was meant to be comic

relief?! How could you?! I was just

trying to defend my boss...Why did

you have to make it so easy for the

other guy eh?! You just gave him a

gun and made me look like a

complete ass!

VISHNU

I just "gave him a gun", what the

fuck’s that supposed to mean?! Are

you accusing me of being a bad

writer?!

GOON

Yes! You’re a terrble, terrible

writer!

VISHNU

Kalki came there to meet Cannibal

Hector, who happens to be a

psychopath! Kalki would’ve been a

fool not to carry a gun! And Kalki

is anything but a fool.

GOON

He said he wanted to fight like a

man!

VISHNU

No...no he asked Hector to fight

like a man!

Goon moves away and sits in a corner. Vishnu turns to find

Vibhuti smiling at him.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 10.

GOON

Hey!

VISHNU

What?!

GOON

How would you feel if you were...I

don’t know...struck by lightning

right now, as you were sitting

there, trying to finish your scipt.

What if you got killed and what if

the person writing you told you it

was for comic relief. How would

that make you feel?!

VISHNU

Not great I suppose. But I’m not

being written by anybody so.

VIBHUTI

Are you sure about that?

VISHNU

...Of course I am.

VIBHUTI

I don’t know.

He inspects the place and the surroundings.

VIBHUTI

How did this table get up here? How

did this chair get up here? How did

you get up here?

VISHNU

...I just...who do you think you

are, Christopher Nolan?!

VIBHUTI

Think about it. Who put you here?

Where did we come from, us dead

characters? Why are we bothering

you? Is it because you killed us

off in your story? Are we

manifestations of your guilt or are

you schizophrenic? Either way we’re

getting on your nerves and the

person writing you is having a good

time.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 11.

VISHNU

Wow that’s some great...bullshit.

VIBHUTI

He’s using you the way you used us!

Why did you write that morbid,

distasteful story? Do you have an

answer? Do you?! No? Let me tell

you why. Someone made you write

such a scene so that we could pop

out of nowhere and give you a hard

time about it. If you had written a

harmless story, say a romantic

comedy, in which no one got hurt,

we wouldn’t be here right now.

Silence.

GOON

...Yeah!

Vishnu sits down on the floor.

VISHNU

Shit. I feel violated.

GOON

Welcome to the club.

VISHNU

So what should I do? Write romantic

comedies? With a bunch of lovable

characters and happily-ever-after

endings?

VIBHUTI

Will you enjoy being pestered by

every character you end up killing?

VISHNU

...No.

VIBHUTI

Then write romantic comedies.

VISHNU

It’s going to be really hard.

VIBHUTI

I know. Take it one step at a time.

First things first. Tear up what

you’ve written so far.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 12.

VISHNU

Why?

VIBHUTI

Don’t you want to get rid of us?

Vishnu nods. He gets up slowly and walks towards the table

like it’s the hardest thing he’s had to do.

He clutches the pages of his notebook on which he’s

scribbled his script. He turns around to see his dead

characters one last time. They seem happy. He tears out the

sheets of paper and rips them to shreds.

He walks around waving his fists with his middle fingers

stuck out.

VISHNU

Take that my puppeteer, Take that!

I’m free! I’m not going to write

dirty, morbid stories just because

you want me to!

NOTE: The following text will be shown as subtitles along

with the visuals.

Once he calms down he sits in his chair and pops a cigarette

into his mouth. Just as he’s about to light it he feels an

incredible pain in his chest. He slides off his chair and

onto the floor. He’s writhing in pain. Remember folks,

Smoking is injurious to heath.

BLACK OUT

CREDITS

soft targets

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