Simple Guidance Techniques That Will Improve Child-Adult Interactions and Decrease MeltdownsHeather Hammond-Williams, MACDVictor Valley College Crafton Hills CollegeAdjunct ProfessorInfant Toddler Success/CSUSBParent Educator

Heather M.A. Child

Development ITS Parent

Educator Adjunct faculty @

Crafton Hills & VVC

Mom to 8 (3 humans, 3 dogs, & 2 Fish!)

Sleep, Coffee & TV

HeatherM.A. Child Development

B.A. Psychology and Human Services

Prior: Group Homes, Servicing children/family special needs, CUIDAR

Now: ITS Parent EducatorAdjunct faculty @ Crafton

Hills & VVCMom to 8 (3 humans, 3

dogs, & 2 Fish!)Sleep, Coffee & TV

Overview Guidance, Discipline & Punishment What is DAP Understanding Young Children

Attachment-based Theory Basic Needs Protest Behaviors Meltdowns

Child Problem or Adult Problem? Strategies to Help with Interactions!!!

Definition of Guidance, Discipline & Punishment Guidance:*everything adults deliberately

do and say, directly and indirectly, to influence children’s behavior*modeling, leading, directing, pointing out

*Goal of helping them become well-adjusted, self directed, productive adults.

Discipline: teaching, learning*many different forms based on

culture and subcultures*Positive and Negative

Punishment: is meant to hurt or humiliate young children-Physically and Psychologically

Some seem minor and some are very harsh/abuse

Punishment “pays a child back” for wrongdoing- take away recess

It does not teach children what they should do in the future

What is DAP? Developmentally-

Appropriate

Practice

Understanding Children They want to please adults

But sometimes do not know what is appropriate Due to lack of experience Right brain dominate Very reactive Feelings Temperament

There is always a reason for their behaviors Basic Needs not being

meet

Children’s Basic Needs What are they?

Most behavioral “problems” are a result of young children’s basic needs not being met

Children’s Basic Needs 1. Attachment: 2. Time and attention

from parents/teachers 3. Feeling understood:

others got them, they count, most special and wonderful person in the world.

4. Individuality: Unique with own feelings,

thoughts, interests 5. Physical

Protection, safety, regulation, shelter, food/water, hygiene

Children’s Basic Needs 6. Empathy 7. Self-efficacy

Can effect their environment and achieve certain goals 8. Praise/recognition

Accomplishment, self-worth and self-competence, and value 9. Autonomy/self-expression

Whether creative or verbal; feel safe to verbalize negative feelings

10. New developmentally- appropriate experiences/stimulations Helps with learning about their environment and how they can

effect it 11. Responsibility

Fosters autonomy 12. Erikson tasks for each dev stage

Trust, autonomy, initiative 13. Boundaries -limit setting, structure and expectations 14. Community/cultural

Stable and supportive- traditions- Cultural values

Protest BehaviorsThe Role of Protest- One of the primary ways young children have available to communicate to us that they needhelp is called “protest behavior” (defiance, anger, crying, aggression) Protest behavior is NOT to annoy

caregivers!- protest behavior is designed to get our attention, involvement, and help.

Protest behavior is a communication of “I need your help!”

However, too often we misinterpret protest behavior as a power struggle

Understanding MeltdownsBrain immaturity (as stated prior)

• Brain develops (with normal, everyday experience)• Lower more primitive and reactive parts of the brain • (why kick, scream, push, easily frustrated)

What increases meltdowns?• Parental stress• Parents threatening• Inconsistent and unrealistic

expectations• Parents unpredictable• Decisions are based on

parents desired not kids• No transitional warnings• Parents critical and

disproving of child• Children tired, hungry,

becoming ill

What decreases meltdowns? Sensitive and responsive towards the

child’s need and signal Children well rested and fed Distracting child from something that

could cause a meltdown Adults calm and comfort the child Adults being consistent in their

behaviors/rules with children Realistic expectations Prepare children for changes in

activities Being tolerate of young children’s

behavior at this stage of development Parents/adults creating positive

environment for child

How to Respond to Meltdowns• What to do:

– Hold and comfort child until feel better

– Take child to quieter area while you hold her and comfort

– Sensitive attunement and active listening skills to clarify the problem*

– Active listening*– Floor time– Negotiation/compromise*– Finding solutions– Remember- emotions come first– “Can I help you” – *PREVENT MELTDOWNS- USE

SIMPLE GUIDANCE TECHNIQUES (DAP)

AVOID:DO NOT abandonDO NOT isolateDO NOT punishDO NOT ignore.

The Behaviors of Children 1. Behaviors that are not a problem for

the child or the teacher Child playing with blocks quietly

2. Behaviors that signal that a child has a problem or need

Child who is upset, angry or frustrated Behaviors that are a problem for the

TEACHER and not the child A 3 year old having fun banging a

wooden spoon on pots and pans

Which category does this behavior fall in?

Who’s Problem Is it? Baby is fussy and crying Preschooler jumping on sofa Child is playing with blocks

quietly then blocks fall down so child begins to cry

Child is talking to herself while reading a book

Child is running to place toy fruit on teachers hand during circle time and tramples other child

The Behaviors of ChildrenChild’s behavior Use:

1) Behaviors that are not a problem for parent or child PRIDE skills

2) Child has a problem or need Reflective listening

3) Parent has a problem with child’s behavior

I-messages When-thens Redirection Say “yes”! Distraction Limit setting with

consequences Closed choices Negotiation Helpful phrases Positive rephrasing Transitional warnings

Strategies to Help Interactions with Young Children

PRIDE When behavior is not a problem for adult or child

Positive Emotional Tone – Children that need “more love” or sensitive to

rejection Goal= 3 positive interaction

Communicate that a child is valued and valuable

Communicate rejection

positive emotional tone and a warm smile bright and slightly enthusiastic tone of voice happy greeting, free and easy compliments warm hugs active listeningrelaxed laughter

• a flat emotional tone• lots of behavior corrections • disinterest in the child’s

communication• critical comments• an angry tone of voice

PRIDEReflection-

Repeating but not a “Parrot” Language & Listening We are Interested and Value Child Understanding and Feelings Can’t give the child what they want

Child: Leave me alone

Adult: You’re really angry right now, aren’t you?

Child: Dog!

Adult: Yes, that’s a big brown dog, isn’t it!

PRIDEImitation-

Tells Child the behavior is appropriate and a good choice

Follows child’s lead Less intrusive and disruptive Better for slow-to-warm

Adult: You’re stacking your blocks up into a tower(description). I think I’ll do that too(imitation). Now how did you do that?

Child: I put it here… like this…Adult: So you put one on top of the other?

(reflection)Child: YeahAdult: Like this?Child: YeahAdult: Hey, I’ve made one just like yours.

PRIDEDescription-

One of the most useful techniques Language and Relationship When not sure what child is saying then describe Helps children spend more time on an activity

Adult: You finished all your carrots and now you’re drinking your milk.

Adult: You’re drawing round and round, aren’t you Melissa?…. and Michael, you’re drawing back and forth

Adult: I like the way Melissa is sitting so quietly, waiting for her turn. Thank you, Melissa, that’s very nice.

A variation of describing what the child is doing is to describe what we are doing as adults…Adult: I think I’ll color the duck blue… so I’ll take this blue crayon… and I’ll just color the duck…

back and forth…. Now what color should I make the dog… I know, I’ll color the dog red.

Description Activity!2 Volunteers!!!!Act out the

card!One acts out

the card and other another describes it

PRIDEEngagement- Person-to-person contact “Up close

and Personal Ask questions Ask Advice “What should I do next?” Give choices Use Reflections and/or descriptionsBest way to Engage: get down to the child’s level present a warm and friendly face use a warm and positive tone of

voice show interest in what the child is

doing.

When A Child Has A ProblemReflective Listening

Teaches child to use words to identify how they feel Emotional Literacy

3 Steps 1. Listen

Stop what you are doing Get down to child’s level

2. Hear the Feeling Listen to the child’s words “What is this child feeling?” Think of a word to describe the feeling

3. Say What You Have Heard You are a Mirror Think why they may be feeling this way Put your thoughts to words “You Feel; and Because”

Active Listening Adult attempts to

put the child’s feelings in words“You seem like you

are really angry”“Its sounds like that

you really wanted to play with that toy”

Active Listening Response Activity

“I can’t do this!”

“Go away!”

“Give me that!”

Positive Rephrasing Identifying and stating desired behavior’s rather than

focusing on inappropriate behavior’s “Don’t stand on the desk- get down!” “Please keep your feet on the floor”

Still can be assertive and positive Try to limit the “no” More positive and supportive way of interacting with

children- it’s a different form of communication than what children are used to

Children respond more positively and cooperatively to positive requests than negative commands

3 positive to 1 negative comment

Positive Rephrasing:

Instead of: “Do not hit”“Don’t stand on the chair”“Stop, yelling”

Try saying:

“I Messages”Verbal Communication is Important When adult is upset about something

related to the child’s behavior Helps with setting limits How their behavior affects you Use “I” message instead of “You

statements” Step 1: Say what the child’s

unacceptable behavior is “When you throw the toy

Step 2: Say your feelings about it “…I am Afraid…”

Step 3: Say the effect this behavior has on you: “…That you may hurt our friends

Step 4: Move on to “Problem Solving” What else can we do/alternatives? Choose a solution Try it out

“You statements” creates guilt

When-Then Statements Child does not want to

clean up When-Then

Statement Child will not sit down

for snack When-Then

Statement Child does not want to

wear jacket outside When-Then

Statement

Say YESChild wants to go

outside Say YES statement

Child wants to watch TV Say YES statement

Child wants to have snack early Say YES statement

Three-Step Limit-Setting Step 1: Explain Rule

“Johnny, blocks are not for throwing- you could hurt someone. You CAN play with them on the floor”

Step 2: State Consequence “Blocks are not for throwing. If

you throw them again, you will need to find something else to do”

Step 3: Follow Through Discuss why it is not okay to

throw blocks Redirect child to another

activity (stay with the child)

Helpful Tools for Teachers 1. Use Transitional Warnings 2. Use “Yes, When….Then” Statements 3. Provide Choices 4. Pick Your Battles Wisely 5. Increase Involvement with Children 6. Provide Reasons and Explanations 7. Words Matter 8. Do Not Expect Children to Share 9. Communicate Positively with Children 10. Set Up Routines 11. Teach or Model 12. Give Children Encouragement 13. Treat Children with Respect 14. Increase Warmth 15. Children Are Curious 16. Make Everyday Tasks More Interesting

Questions?