Shrek Untold

chapter 1. Out of berries

It was a rainy day in the Swamp. Shrek was freaking out. He had been waiting for them for

two hours. He was sweating and his hands started shaking because he desperately needed a

doze. Finally someone knocked seven times. It was them. The B.M.s. That's how everyone

called them. Blind mice; Bucky, Steve and Cedric. They were brothers and notorious drug

dealers and every single elf in the Swamp said they could see everything despite the fact

they were actually blind. The elves had been their greatest customers because they were

dumb and it was very easy to trick them.

- Did you bring them?- Shrek said impatiently.

- What do you think we came for? To drink 3 thousand years old beer you got from that idiot

lord Farquaad? Why do you drink that garbage anyway?- Steve said. He was kind of in charge

because he was the oldest brother.

- Good. Shut up.

- Do you have the money?

- Yeah. Come in.- His hands were still shaking.

Sherk's little house was untidy. There was mud all over the place. There was a little table in

the corner where Shrek was mixing berries. He had a pretty big green couch that was

actually in good condition. Next to the couch was a shelf. There were only three books on it:

the Lord of the Berries trilogy: The Fellowship of the Berry, Two Berries and The Return of

the Berry. Only three books Shrek had ever read in his entire life. His friend Big Bad Wolf

taught him how to read. Nobody knew who had taught the Wolf. The rest of the house

looked sad.

- Give me the berries first!

- Nice try, ogre. Not gonna happen.- said Steve.

- What!? Give me the berries or I will crush you!- Shrek was slowly approaching.

- Make one more step and I swear I will hit you so hard with my stick that it will break your

giant green pinky toe. Don't think if I'm blind I can't sense your giant footsteps. Dude,

brothers in Far, far away land can hear that.- Steve started yelling.

- Shut up, dude. I'm just nervous.

- Then give us the bloody money.

- Ok man, relax. Just give me a minute.

- Take your time, we've got the whole day.

The money was in a drawer. Shrek took it and gave it to Cedric. Steve didn't like being

handed things.

- Thank you, Ogre!- Steve said.

- Screw you, worm.

Shrek bought 15 green berries which he called "the flying ogre". They were pretty strong. He

would chop them up and put them in chamomile tea. After ten minutes he would drink it.

The side effects were lots of energy, happiness and hyperactivity. He would drink the tea

before going to the woods to chop wood. The berries were actually healthy, but very rare to

find.

The problem was that Shrek became addicted so other inhabitants of the Swamp started

complaining about him being too loud. They said they would call lord Farquaad's police, but

he just ignored them.

Shrek came out of the house and started shaking his head and yelling:

- Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! L-L-Let's go chop some WOOOOOOOOOD people!

- Shut up already you crazy ass ogre!- said a villager.

- I will shut up when you tell me who put the sign.

- What sign?

- You know!

The sign story was actually very funny. You see, Shrek had a sign which said: BEWARE, OGRE!

in front of his house. One day someone removed the sign and put another one which said:

FREE WEED! JUST KNOCK ON THE DOOR! Two hours later there was a two-mile-long line in

front of Shrek's house. Shrek almost got a nervous breakdown. Eventually he managed to

dispel all the villagers. Now he wanted to punish whoever put the sign.

- Oh the SIGN! No idea.

- Stop lying! I'll kill you.

- Ha ha. Good one. I have a rifle.

- If you don't tell me who put the sign I will fart.

- No, no, no. Please, don't. Remember the last time. The whole Swamp was polluted for 3

months.

- Then tell me.

- Oh, crap. It was one of the Three Little Pigs. The stupid one.

- Bricks?

- Yeah.

- Thank you.- Shrek said politely.

- Don't hurt him, man. The cops will come. They will take you to rehab and Farquaad will be

there.

- Shut up!

- Sh**.

chapter 2.

Busted Shrek went looking for Bricks. His house was located in the territory of Duloc city whose

ruler was lord Farquaad. He built a big rehabilitation centre for addicts there three years

ago. He was also a psychiatrist with a Napoleon complex. He didn't let anyone from the

Swamp cross the border. Otherwise the "refugees" would be banned to the centre where

scientists would try dangerous experiments on them. Farquaad despised everyone from the

Swamp because nobody from the Swamp attended his birthday party six years ago. They

didn't come because the lord stopped giving them free beer every six months for cleaning

the city of Duloc. After the conflict, Farquaad built a border which was guarded by a dragon.

The life standard in Duloc was better because Farquaad had lots of money and he built new

houses, public toilets, markets and lots of other useless things. Citizens were happy and no

one ever wanted to leave Duloc. On the other hand, villagers lived poorly because they

didn't have money and Farquaad didn't let them cross the border so they weren't able to

buy groceries. But, villagers had a little bakery and a water source so they were happy

despite the fact they were very poor. Villagers had a lot of feasts. They would dance, laugh

and sing all night long.

While Shrek was running through the woods, someone called Swamp Police Department to

catch Shrek because he wanted to hurt Bricks and he was about to cross the border. Oh, and

every time someone from the Swamp crossed the border, S.P.D. got punished by lord

Farquaad's police. Shrek came in front of the border and when he was about to cross it the

dragon kicked him with his tail. Shrek got up, jumped on the dragon and put some kind of

fluid in his mouth. At first the dragon felt sleepy and after a few seconds he just lost

consciousness. Then Shrek easily jumped over the border wall. He started running towards

Bricks' house. He was still full of energy. He came in front of the house and started looking

for Bricks. He broke into the house, but Bricks wasn't there. When he came out of the house,

he was surrounded by Duloc's Special Units. They took him.

chapter 3.

The nut house

Units took Shrek to the rehabilitation centre’s solitary confinement until he calmed down.

Then they took him to doctor lord Farquaad and left.

- I never expected to see you in here.- Farquaad said peacefully.

- Shut up! None of this would have happened if you hadn't put that stupid border walls in

the middle of the woods.

- Ok, I am going to tell you the real truth. You know why I built the border walls and forbid

you, the Swamp dudes, from crossing it?

- Your shitty birthday party?

- I knew you're dumb. You see, what happens behind these walls, stays behind these walls

because none of you Swamp guys can ever leave this place. Not alive! I needed someone to

do my experiments on. You seemed like the perfect solution because you're dumb, weak

and poor. That's why I built the border, that's why I don't give you any food you dumb

creature. I couldn't just take you from the village because that would awake a rebel spirit

inside of you. Guards, take him to the cell with that talking donkey!

- You're gonna pay for this you brainless dwarf!- Shrek said angrily.

- Ha,ha,ha,ha!

The guards put Shrek in the cell.

Donkey came to the centre two years ago. Someone tried to cross the border riding him so

the guards took both of them and beheaded his rider. Donkey used to be happy all the time,

he used to talk a lot and had been free-spirited. Now he just talked a lot.

- Hello, my new best friend!- Donkey said happily.

- Hey! How long have you been here?- Shrek said back.

- For two years. This is practically my home now. Are you Shrek, the ogre?

- Yeah. You got a problem with that?

- NO, sir! I just heard lots of stories about you. I don't mean anything bad.

- I don't care about those stories anymore. They are just making me nervous.

- Why did they take you in here? What have you done?

- I just wanted to beat up a guy. Then, that turd's units came and took me here. Do you know

why the worm built the border?

- We all know. That's like a welcome sentence from lord Farquaad.

- Did anyone ever try to rebel against him?

- Of course. Seven months ago, two hundred rebels tried to escape.

- What happened to them?

-They were beheaded as an example to others.

- Oh man. You know, I will escape this. I don't mean to spend the rest of my life in here.

- Me neither. Actually I have an escape plan. We need to volunteer for the Assignment.

- What Assignment?

- To save the princess. She is in some kind of abandoned castle guarded by three dragons.

- Can we escape when they send us away?

- Of course not. They will send a dragon with us. We can't get the dragon on our side. They

are just too stupid.

- Damn. What kind of plan is it then?

- We can smuggle a little yellow bird. Then we can make the bird tell the villagers why

Farquaad built the centre and they will help us destroy it.

- Okay.

Next day, Shrek and Donkey told the guard they want to volunteer. He took them to lord

Farquaad.

- Hello my friends. So, you want to volunteer?

- Yes. It would be our honour.- Donkey said.

- All right. It's been a long time since anyone volunteered. We really brainwashed you, guys.

- We just want to serve you. When are we going away?- Donkey asked nervously.

- Right away! What about you Shrek? Do you really want to go? You haven't said a word.

- I just don't want to die in here.- Shrek said.

- Ok. Now take your stuff and get out. Guards, prepare the dragon!

- Shrek, let's take that bird.- Donkey said quietly.

chapter 4.

Uprising After Shrek and Donkey had been walking for an hour, with the dragon behind them, they

started talking again.

- I can't believe you made me put the little bird in my ass. What is wrong with you?- Shrek

said angrily.

- I told you a hundred times. The guards would find it. Your ass is the only place no one

would ever want to check!

- Next time it goes in your ass. It almost died. I haven't washed in months.

- I can see that. Now let's tell the bird to go in the Swamp so the operation Blackout can

begin.

- Operation Blackout?!

- Yeah. That's how I called it. We will bring darkness upon Duloc. You get it?

- I guess. Okay little birdy now you go to the Swamp and tell Wolf everything we told you.

You know, about Farquaad and everything. And then we will give you a delicious cookie.

- Shut up you crazy ogre. I don't want your damn cookie. Give me the money!

- Wow! You are one bad little bird. Now shut that lousy mouth you crazy piece of junk.

- Give me the money or I'm not going. I want 20 crowns.

Donkey pulled the money out of his butt. - Here you go. Now disappear.

- So that's why you didn't want to put the bird in there. The room was already taken.- Shrek

said.

- I brought it just in case something went wrong.

Bird said goodbye and left. The dragon was still behind them, but he didn't understand a

word. They walked for 2 more miles and then they came in front of the gates of the

abandoned castle. Three dragons were circling around it.

- Oh, sh**. What do we do now? We must save her.

- How?- Donkey asked.

- Let the dragons fight. This one is here to protect us.

- It’s three to one. In what universe would our guy win?

- I know. My farts have some kind of powers.

Shrek farted in front of the dragon's nose and the dragon was hypnotized. Then Shrek and

Donkey rode the dragon on the top of the tower. Dragon stayed fighting with the other

dragons and they walked into the tower.

- Where is she? This castle is empty.- Donkey said.

- She must be here somewhere.

Suddenly the princess jumped out of the closet and started punching Donkey. She knocked

him to the floor.

- Let me go! Let me go! Stop punching me! Please! Mercy!- Donkey was screaming.- Get her

of me! Get her of me!

Shrek pushed her away. - Calm down. We mean you no harm. We are here to save you.

- Oh! I am sorry talking donkey. You just looked weird. How did you manage to pass the

dragons?

- We are professionals.- Shrek replied. - I mean, I'm a professional. Donkey is a semi-pro.

- I can see that. He doesn't have a very unique set of skills. By the way, my name is Fiona.

- Nice to meet you, Fiona. We are taking you out of here.

- No! Leave her here. She is mean.- Donkey said angrily.

- Shut up! Let's go!- Shrek yelled.

- When they got out, two dragons attacked them. Fiona pulled some kind of glowing sword

and yelled: - Kneel before me!- and the dragons knelt. They were Fiona's servants and they

thought Shrek and Donkey weren't worthy enough to take the princess with them.

- Wow! Give me one of those swords! Please, please, please!- Donkey begged.

- Let's go to the border! I bet all the villagers are there. Wolf trusts the bird, villagers trust

Wolf. Now they know the truth. They will attack Duloc. I bet the battle has already started.-

Shrek said.

- No, they can't start without us. I wanna fight!- Fiona was pumped.

- Let's go! We have to help them!- Shrek was nervous.

When the trio was about 2 miles from the border they saw the flame.

- They have already started!- Shrek said.

- The bit**es started without us! Sh**!- Donkey was angry.

The battle was fought in the forest. The villagers had more fighters, but lord Farquaad's army

had more advanced weapons. The trio came and immediately started to fight the soldiers.

They were afraid of Shrek and he easily kicked their butts. He was protecting Donkey and

Princess Fiona had good knowledge of martial arts. She was furious (because she heard why

Farquaad built a rehab centre) and she also kicked lots of butt. The blind mice were on the

trees and they were shooting poisoned arrows on Farquaad's army. They could smell them.

The Wolf had easily blown lots of soldiers away. Other villagers fought bravely, but some of

them were brutally killed. Then, out of nowhere, two dragons showed up and started

breathing fire on Farquaad's soldiers. More villagers came and they managed to knock the

border wall down. Then, lord Farquaad came with a cannon and started shooting from it. He

knocked down the tree with the mice on it. They fell on the ground and the tree fell on

them. Shrek and Donkey saw that and started running towards Farquaad. The dragons and

Fiona followed them. Farquaad hit Donkey and he fell on the ground. Shrek threw Fiona and

she stabbed Farquaad while she was still in the air. The villagers managed to send all the

remaining soldiers away. Shrek was holding Donkey's lifeless body and Fiona was helping

wounded villagers. The tree didn't kill the mice and they got up.

Steve approached Shrek: -

Stop mourning! Give him these.- Steve gave him handful of red berries.

Shrek put the berries in Donkey's mouth.

- Woah! Huh! Oh, man! Hey guys! What happened? We won?- Donkey was hyperactive.

– Yes, we did buddy.- Shrek was relieved.

- Where is Farquaad? I want to kill that son of a bit**!

- Fiona was first.

- Damn! What now?

- We will fix everything Farquaad has destroyed.

The villagers destroyed the rehabilitation centre and set all the prisoners free. They removed

the border, brought two towns together and created one: Duloc Swamp. Since then all the

villagers and citizens were happy and they celebrated the day when they knocked the border

wall down. What is more, Shrek and Donkey kicked Bricks’ ass and Fiona opened a museum

in the abandoned castle. And they all lived happily ever after.

The End

David Bošnjak

Patrik Tkalčević

Zvonimir Ante Stipić

Matko Grošinić

Ivan Ranogajec