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Session 1 - Outline - of 23

Copyright © 2000, Community of Mindful Parenting. All rights reserved. – Updated 9/21/2015

Session One

Table of Contents Session One Facilitation Outline .................................................................................................................................3

Session One Course Material .....................................................................................................................................8

Session One Framework .............................................................................................................................................8

Goals: ......................................................................................................................................................................8

Theoretical Background: .........................................................................................................................................8

Session Prep ...............................................................................................................................................................9

Guidelines for Group Facilitation ...............................................................................................................................9

Pre-Group Contact: .................................................................................................................................................9

Setting the Space/Materials: ..................................................................................................................................9

Arrival, Welcome & Group Expectations ................................................................................................................. 10

Listening MothersTM Curriculum Summary: ......................................................................................................... 10

Objectives/Goals of the Listening MothersTM Program: ...................................................................................... 11

A Heart-Felt Invitation to Participate – Guiding Principles: ................................................................................. 12

Logistics: ............................................................................................................................................................... 12

The Benefits of Mindful Practice ............................................................................................................................. 12

Initial Centering Practice: ..................................................................................................................................... 13

Individual Mother and Baby Introductions: ............................................................................................................ 14

Setting an Intention ................................................................................................................................................. 14

In Group Reading ..................................................................................................................................................... 14

A Book is No Substitute: ...................................................................................................................................... 14

Heart-Centered Dialogue: .................................................................................................................................. 15

Transition to This Week’s Focus .............................................................................................................................. 15

Introduction to the Four Pillars of the Listening MothersTM Curriculum: ............................................................... 15

Curriculum Reference Documents: .................................................................................................................... 15

Additional Supporting Reference Documents: .................................................................................................. 16

The First Pillar .......................................................................................................................................................... 16

Definition and Three Elements of Self-Compassion: ........................................................................................... 16

Self-Kindness: ..................................................................................................................................................... 16

Mindfulness: ...................................................................................................................................................... 16

Common Humanity: ........................................................................................................................................... 16

Pause for Practice: 4-5-6 ......................................................................................................................................... 17

Background – The Benefits of Focused Deep Breaths ......................................................................................... 17

4-5-6 Breathing .................................................................................................................................................... 17



Heart-Centered Dialogue – 4-5-6 Inviting Calm ....................................................... 17

Transition to Motherhood .................................................................................... 18

The Fourth Trimester: ....................................................................................... 18

Primary Maternal Preoccupation: .................................................................... 19

Heart-Centered Dialogue – Fourth Trimester and PMP ..................................................................................... 19

The Positive Holding Environment: ..................................................................................................................... 20

Heart-Centered Dialogue: Positive Holding Environment ................................................................................. 20

Next Week’s Focus: .............................................................................................................................................. 21

Deepen Your Awareness at Home ........................................................................................................................... 21

Reflections for Session One: ................................................................................................................................ 21

Readings for Session Two: ................................................................................................................................... 21

Group Photo ............................................................................................................................................................ 22

Closing Ritual: Weaving the Circle ........................................................................................................................... 22

End Session: Poem - Fluent ..................................................................................................................................... 22

End of the Session Summary ................................................................................................................................... 23



Session One Facilitation Outline

Proposed Time

Session Prep

Review Guidelines for Group Facilitation

Refer to Pre Group Contact Guidelines.

Review Pre-Group Contact

Refer to Pre Group Contact Guidelines.

Setting the Space/Materials:

Facilitator Note: Participants are more likely to complete them if handed out in group sessions.

At Home

Session One Goals:

To create a secure and safe container for each of the mothers to grow.

Begin to get to know one another.

Set an intention.

Introduce the four-pillars of the Listening MothersTM curriculum; Mindful Self-Compassion, Secure Self-Regulation and Attachment, Child Emotional Development and Relationships and Gratitude.

Introduce the mindful concepts of Self-Compassion; Mindfulness, Common Humanity and Self-Kindness.

Realize that the mothers share common experiences with other mothers, and to trust their own judgment as they are innately wise.

Understand that mothers’ initial state of heightened sensitivity with their babies, is to the exclusion of other interests; this is normal, necessary and temporary.

Discuss the function of creating a positive holding environment in order to create a calm space for babies to begin to understand their environment and set the foundation for learning.

Introduce mindful practices to sooth, calm and center.



Arrival, Welcome & Heart-Felt Invitation to Participate

Listening MothersTM Curriculum Summary

Objectives of the Listening MothersTM Program

To appreciate mother’s own journey as they nurture their innate internal wisdom.

To realize the impact and importance of being present and practicing Self-Compassion.

To learn more about being attuned to your babies needs and how that fosters secure attachment.

To understand and move beyond their fears, to embrace the joys of motherhood and transition to the dynamic of their enhanced family.

To create an opportunity for deepening the connection with themselves and their babies as well as creating relationships with other mothers in early postpartum.

To understand the importance of listening, staying connected with their partner and modeling intimacy for their child.

To learn mindful practice tools to add to their self-care toolbox.

To find time to deepen their awareness by reading articles and or completing the REFLECTION exercises that resonate with them.

Heart-Felt Invitation to Participate – Guiding Principles

Invite mothers to:

Choose to be present.

Speak and listen from the heart and with reflective inquiry.

Respect the sacredness of what is being shared and honor differences with curiosity, confidentiality and sincerity.

Check in with you and your baby, take breaks when necessary.

Make attempts to deepen your awareness.

ASK GROUP: If there are other parameters to add to the list to help foster a safe and supportive sharing environment. Are these guidelines everyone can agree to?

Logistics

Location of bathrooms.

Parking

Plan to provide healthy snacks for the first two groups.

Invite mothers to rotate and plan to bring healthy snacks for the additional group sessions.

10

The Benefits of Mindful Practice 20 min




Proposed Time

Initial Centering Practice

Individual Mother and Baby Introductions

Setting an Intention

In Group Reading

A Book is No Substitute

Heart-Centered Dialogue

Plan to spend a little time discussing how the mothers feel about ‘trusting themselves’ and their own judgment.

10 min

Transition to This Week’s Focus

Introduction to the Four Pillars of the Listening MothersTM Curriculum

Mindful Self-Compassion

Self-Regulation & Attachment

Child Emotional Development

Relationships and Gratitude

The beauty of the Listening MothersTM program is that is interweaves the natural biology of the transition to motherhood with the scientifically proven benefits of mindful practice to be present and embrace their new purpose.

The First Pillar

Definition and the Three Elements of Self-Compassion

Self-Kindness, Mindfulness, Common Humanity

Pause for Practice: 4-5-6

Background – The Benefits of Focused Deep Breaths

4-5-6 - Breathing

Heart-Centered Dialogue – 4-5-6 Breathing Inviting in Calm

Have mothers check in with their body’s after the breathing exercise.

How do their bodies, mind and thoughts feel after the quick 4-5-6 Inviting in Calm exercise.

What’s changed?

Were the mothers able to read the mindfulness article in the pre-group reading? What were their thoughts about the science behind the practice of mindfulness?

20




Proposed Time

Transition to Motherhood

The Fourth Trimester

Primary Maternal Preoccupation

Heart-Centered Dialogue – Fourth Trimester and PMP

Ask mothers to share what Motherhood has been like for them so far? Surprises? Challenges?

Have they noticed their focus and fascination with their baby? Has it been at the expense of their own needs? How do they feel about that?

How have they felt about the lack of sleep, schedule and constant demands of baby? (embrace the connection or are focused on lack of sleep?)

Do they find it difficult to be away from their babies?

What kind of new thoughts do they have about their babies now that they are out of the womb? Fears? Dreams?

The Positive Holding Environment

Heart-Centered Dialogue: Positive Holding Environment

Mothers often have ideas or expectations about Motherhood. Sometimes mothers are surprised by the realities of Motherhood or who they are as a mother.

Discuss what it means to be the filter/container for their babies?

How do they feel about being a container?

Are they exhausted? What are they doing for support?

Have they discovered how their baby prefers to be ‘held’? (Holding can include that of a soft voice. Does not only require touch.)

20




Proposed Time

Next Week’s Focus:

Explore the importance of baby’s emotional development and their need to self-regulate. Begin to identify a child’s unique character, explore mother’s own self-regulation and the concept of co-regulation and discuss the ‘goodness of fit’ and impacts on parenting styles. Further our understanding of Self-Compassion with a focus on Self-Kindness.

Deepen Your Awareness at Home

Reflections for Session One

Have the mothers reflect on one or two additional elements that have changed about them since the birth of their babies.

How do they feel about the changes?

How do the changes align with their prior expectations?

What are they discovering about themselves?

Readings for Session Two

Parenting from the Inside Out By: Daniel J. Siegel, MD and Mary Hartzell, M.ED From: Pub. Jeremy P. Tarcher – Putnam pgs 7-11 Raising Baby: What You Need to Know Lipari, Joanna Psychology Today. Self-Compassion Fosters Mental Health Scientific American By Marina Krakovsky, Jun 2012 http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/self-compassion-fosters-mental-health/

Group Photo

Closing Ritual: Weaving the Circle (5-7 min)

End Session: Poem – Fluent

I would love to live, Like a river flows, Carried by the surprise, Of its own unfolding.

- John O’Donohue

15

End of Session Email At Home

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/self-compassion-fosters-mental-health/




Session One Course Material

Session One Framework

Goals:

To create a secure and safe container for each of the mothers to grow.

Begin to get to know one another.

Set an intention.

Introduce the four-pillars of the Listening MothersTM curriculum; Mindful Self-Compassion, Secure Self-Regulation and Attachment, Child Emotional Development and Relationships and Gratitude.

Introduce the mindful concepts of Self-Compassion; Mindfulness, Common Humanity and Self-Kindness.

Realize that the mothers share common experiences with other mothers, and to trust their own judgment as they are innately wise.

Understand that mothers’ initial state of heightened sensitivity with their babies, is to the exclusion of other interests; this is normal, necessary and temporary.

Discuss the function of creating a positive holding environment in order to create a calm space for babies to begin to understand their environment and set the foundation for learning.

Introduce mindful practices to sooth, calm and center.

Theoretical Background: The books used here are referenced throughout the curriculum:

1. THE CHILD THE FAMILY AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD, D.W. Winnicott

2. MINDFUL PARENTING – EVERYDAY BLESSING, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Myla Kabat-Zinn

3. PARENTING FROM THE INSIDE OUT – Daniel Segel

4. SELF-COMPASSION: STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP AND LEAVE INSECURITY BEHIND, Kristin Neff, PhD .

5. http://self-compassion.org/ , Kristin Neff, PhD.

D.W. Winnicott: “Each baby is a person from the start and needs to be known by someone…”

“No one can get to know the baby as well as the baby’s own mother. We can say that the mother adapts herself to what the baby can understand. This active adaptation is just what is essential for the infant’s emotional growth”. Source: THE CHILD THE FAMILY AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD page 87.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061733512/ref=as_li_tf_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0061733512&linkCode=as2&tag=commuofmindfp-20

http://self-compassion.org/



Session Prep

Guidelines for Group Facilitation

Your role as a facilitator is a principle element in the delivery of material and the engagement of participants. Please see the Guidelines for Group Facilitation for recommended considerations to assist you with creating a compassionate and engaging holding container on your journey to becoming a Listening MothersTM facilitator.

The power of the Listening MothersTM program is the way in which the lesson material is delivered. Facilitators are provided a collection of discussion materials to use each week. After a brief introduction to the material, facilitators use their understanding of the material and expertise to guide participants through open-ended questions creating space for self-discovery via dialogue rather than a traditional lecture. The beauty of the Listening MothersTM program is that it provides context for the transition to Motherhood by nurturing mothers’ inner wisdom, while providing tools by which to aid in the appreciation of their journey through self-discovery. Life is a curriculum. The process is as important as the outcome. Remember to be flexible to make room for additional topics, recognizing that although we have a stated curriculum, each gathering is dynamic and is shaped by the stories and exchange in the room.

Pre-Group Contact: Contacting mothers prior to the initial group lays the foundation for trust between the facilitator and mother. Please see Pre-Group Contact on the curriculum page for suggested questions for your initial phone introduction, suggested first email contact and pre-readings.

Setting the Space/Materials:

Site visit – Plan to visit the location of your group series to understand the logistics.

Name tags - Provide sharpies and either place on chairs or hand to mothers.

Roster - Plan to create a group roster that has the mother’s preferred contact information. Plan to email to the group. Check for consent of the whole group prior to publishing.

Centerpiece – Think about how you can create a place of beauty for the mothers during the eight weeks. Create a space where they feel nurtured.

Centerpiece Suggestions:

o Candles often signify illumination. Some facilitators light candles at their first session as part of consciously committing to the intention the mothers will set as part of this initial session. Candles can be lit going forward as mothers are arriving to the session as a reminder of their intention and as a centering exercise for mother’s that arrive early to the session and/or are waiting for others to arrive.

o May also use special fabric under candle and/or find a visual such as: a small sculpture, photo or piece of art that you can weave its meaning into the course work and feature in the center of your space.

o May also suggest mothers bring items of comfort such as pillows or blankets for their use during the session.



Snack food - Plan to provide some healthy snacks for mothers for the first couple of sessions (sliced apples, oranges, nuts, water etc.) suggest they plan to bring something going forward and ask for volunteers for weeks three through eight.

3x 5 cards, pens & envelopes – to have mothers write their initial ‘intention’ for the group sessions.

String and scissors - for the closing ritual ‘Weaving the Circle’, which can be done at each session closing. String is to be tied around the mother’s wrist and at the end of the initial session. Mothers may identify an inspirational word or feeling that that they will focus on for the week. See Weaving the Circle further in this outline for ritual details.

Camera – At the end of session one, plan to take a group photo of all the mothers and babies. Plan to take another photo at the end of session eight and email as a follow up so mothers can see the change.

Arrival, Welcome & Group Expectations

Briefly introduce yourself as the mothers arrive. (Longer introduction will happen with the full group after the Centering Practice.) Over the course of the next eight weeks, there will be a collection of research-based lessons, an opportunity to practice self-regulation & mindful-based strategies, sharing amongst group members and additional awareness opportunities to be completed at home for mothers to deepen their experience.

Listening MothersTM Curriculum Summary: Facilitator Note: Summarize or paraphrase a flow that feels good for you so mothers can have a brief overview of your time together over the next eight weeks. Short – 45-60 seconds. Mothers will have received a link to this in their welcome letter.

Week 1: Introduction to the four pillars of the Listening Mothers™ curriculum; Mindful Self-Compassion, Self-Regulation and Attachment, Child Emotional Development and Relationships and Gratitude. Begin to understand how the mindful concepts of Self-Compassion, Mindfulness and Common Humanity are intertwined as part of the natural and biological transition to Motherhood through the Listening MothersTM program. Mothers will explore the transition to the fourth trimester, discuss their initial need to have their babies as their primary focus at the expense of other things and the importance of the creation of a positive holding environment.

Week 2: Explore the importance of baby’s emotional development and their need to self-regulate. Begin to identify a child’s unique character, explore mother’s own self-regulation and the concept of co-regulation and discuss the ‘goodness of fit’ and impacts on parenting styles. Further our understanding of Self-Compassion with a focus on Self-Kindness. Week 3: Attempt to rediscover our ‘beginner mind’. Discuss the concept of ‘falling in love with baby’ and recognizing baby’s cues. Understand the importance of being ‘attuned as well as being ‘attached’; explore the concept the Self-Compassion with a focus on Mindfulness. Week 4: Explore the necessary role of a ‘good enough mother’. Begin to identify some of the events that trigger mothers to unconsciously take the ‘low road’ vs a ‘high road’ of situational processing and the importance of repair. We will also discuss Common Humanity and its importance to our practice of Self-Compassion.



Week 5: Begin to explore mother’s own family dynamic and identify the impact of compassionate loving figures. We will explore feelings of security, patterns of communication and begin to understand how mother’s own internal working model influences patterns of behavior in their own family. We will also discuss our natural negatively bias and discuss two way communication and influences on baby. Week 6: Discuss the transition to parenthood for both parents. Understand the significance of anger and begin to identify the underlying fabric of feelings and vulnerabilities which are ultimately unmet needs. Introduce the practice of listening and the importance of being vulnerable.

Weeks 7: Discuss the elements of positive partnerships, keys to maintaining healthy communication, introduce the powerful nature of gratitude.

Week 8: Review the session highlights, discuss circle of security, and close the circle.

Objectives/Goals of the Listening MothersTM Program: Facilitator Note: Summarize or paraphrase a flow that feels good for you.

To appreciate mother’s own journey as they nurture their innate internal wisdom.

To realize the impact and importance of being present and practicing Self-Compassion.

To learn more about being attuned to your babies needs and how that fosters secure attachment.

To understand and move beyond their fears, to embrace the joys of motherhood and transition to the dynamic of their enhanced family.

To create an opportunity for deepening the connection with themselves and their babies as well as creating relationships with other mothers in early postpartum.

To understand the importance of listening, staying connected with their partner and modeling intimacy for their child.

To learn mindful practice tools to add to their self-care toolbox.

To find time to deepen their awareness by reading articles and or completing the REFLECTION exercises that resonate with them.



A Heart-Felt Invitation to Participate – Guiding Principles: Facilitator Note: If someone is not able to join in session one, make sure you invite mothers to embrace the following guiding principles for the next session. If you are so inclined you can prewrite the following list on a flip chart and bring to session one. The essence of this section is to invite the mothers to embrace the values of the group. Invite mothers to:

Plan to attend and choose to be present.

Speak and listen from the heart and with reflective inquiry.

Respect the sacredness of what is being shared and honor differences with curiosity, confidentiality and sincerity.

Check in with yourself and your baby; take breaks when necessary.

Make attempts to deepen your awareness.

ASK GROUP: If there are other parameters to add to the list to help foster a safe and supportive sharing environment. Are these group norms everyone can agree to?

Logistics:

Location of bathrooms.

Parking

Plan to provide healthy snacks for the first two groups.

Invite mothers to rotate and plan to bring healthy snacks for the additional group sessions.

The Benefits of Mindful Practice There are a myriad of benefits to making mindfulness practice part your daily life. Multiple studies have shown that daily mindful practices increase our sense of well-being including self-esteem, confidence and clarity, and decrease anxiety and depression. We get further into the ‘why and how’ as we progress through the curriculum. Over the eight weeks, we will provide you with different practices to explore; essentially adding more tools to your toolkit for being present. Facilitator Note: This first exercise provides an introduction into connecting mind and body. This may be many mothers first exposure to any sort of mindful practice so we are looking to provide a detailed guide so it can be done deliberately. We don’t focus on the deepness of breath for this first exercise rather mind/body focus. These benefits are discussed later in session one and adapted as part of the centering practice going forward. Now let’s begin.



Initial Centering Practice: Let’s take a moment to pause and arrive into the room. Find yourself getting comfortable in your seat. Allow yourself to let go of all the activities that got you here today. I invite you to close your eyes or soften your gaze. Begin to check in with your breath, noticing your inhale and exhale. Letting your breath, simply go in and out, without any need to change it. (Pause for exploration) Check in with how your body is feeling Do you feel tired or relaxed, softness or tightness? What is it that you feel in your body right now? (Pause) What would support you to feel more comfortable physically? (Slight pause) See if you can make subtle adjustments so that you can increase your comfort at this moment. (Pause) Now, check in with your baby. Is there anything they need to be more comfortable? Again, let’s return to our breath, noticing your inhale and exhale. I invite you to bring your hand to your heart. If you have both hands free you can bring both hands up your heart, or hand to your heart and a hand to your belly. Whatever feels most comfortable for you. Let this touch be soft and tender. Join me in saying to yourself “I have arrived, I am here’. Now take a deep breath in and say to yourself “I have arrived,” and as you exhale say to yourself “I am here.” Repeat those phrases quietly to yourself 2-3 times with the deep inhales and exhales. (Pause) Invite them back into the room and to open their eyes.



Individual Mother and Baby Introductions: After the group has participated in its first mindful practice and is fully present, take the opportunity for the group to begin getting to know one another. In co-facilitation – one facilitator goes first, one facilitator goes last. If single facilitation – the facilitator goes first, to set the tone. Facilitators share their names, a bit about your background, if you are a mother and then what called you ‘here today’.

Mother’s name,

Baby’s name,

Birthdate,

Tell us one or two things that you wish to share with us about your baby.

And, “What calls you here today?”

Setting an Intention Following group introductions, pass out the 3 x 5 cards, pens and an envelope. Provide a moment for mother’s to set a personal intention for their participation in the group. Participants may write down a goal or ‘intention’ with regard to what they hope to get out of the group sessions. Invite the mothers to put their name on the envelope in which they will put their intentions as we will review/revise in session four or can review/revise and hold. Facilitator Note: Setting an intention is like pointing a compass to North. We often meander, get lost and forget where we are going but having the compass set at North serves as a reminder and helps us refocus. You may plan to draw focus to your centerpiece at this time. You can choose to talk about the items of beauty that you have chosen to feature in your practice and/or light a candle to strengthen their commitment to their intention.

In Group Reading

A Book is No Substitute: “I want everyone to understand that no book and no doctor is a substitute for one’s own sensitive contemplation and careful observations. Books with their ready-made formulas have dulled our vision and slackened the mind. Living by other people’s experiences, research, and opinions, we have lost our self-confidence and we fail to observe things for ourselves. Know yourself before you attempt to get to know your children. Become aware of what you yourself is capable of before you attempt to outline the rights and responsibilities of children. First and foremost you must realize that you too, are a child, whom you must first get to know, bring up, and educate.”

Excerpted from: Loving Every Child, Wisdom for Parents; By Janus Korczak & Edited by: Sandra Joseph;

Published by Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill copyright 2007.

(Korczak, 2007)



Heart-Centered Dialogue:

Plan to spend a little time discussing how the mothers feel about ‘trusting themselves’ and their own judgment.

Facilitator Note: Reinforce, that parents find lessons not from books, but from inside themselves, then every book they read can be considered to be of small additional value; and this one, too, will have fulfilled its given task if it has managed to contribute to bringing this idea home.

Transition to This Week’s Focus The power of the Listening MothersTM program is the way in which the lesson material is delivered. Facilitators are provided a collection of discussion materials to use each week. After a brief introduction to the material, facilitators use their understanding of the material and expertise to guide participants through open-ended questions creating space for self-discovery via dialogue rather than a traditional lecture. The beauty of the Listening MothersTM program is that it provides context for the transition to Motherhood by nurturing mothers’ inner wisdom, while providing tools by which to aid in the appreciation of their journey through self-discovery. Life is a curriculum. The process is as important as the outcome. Remember to be flexible to make room for additional topics, recognizing that although we have a stated curriculum, each gathering is dynamic and is shaped by the stories and exchange in the room.

Guide the transition from the ‘arriving’ into the room, setting the space for learning together and establishing the importance of each mother’s innate, internal wisdom… to now introducing the four pillars of the Listening MothersTM curriculum and how they support and nurtures the bond between the mother and child and family.

Introduction to the Four Pillars of the Listening MothersTM Curriculum: Setting an intention above was described as being ‘North’ on a compass for group participants. The four foundational pillars for the Listening MothersTM curriculum and the interwoven nature of the biology of the transition to Motherhood and the scientific benefits of mindful training is our facilitator’s North on our compass.

Curriculum Reference Documents: Please review the following foundational documents for the Listening MothersTM curriculum and summarize and introduce the concepts in a form that feels natural:

Mindful Self-Compassion

Self-Kindness

Mindfulness

Common Humanity

Self-Regulation & Attachment

Child Emotional Development

Relationships and Gratitude



Additional Supporting Reference Documents:

What Self-Compassion is Not

What Mindfulness is Not

Self-Compassion and Mindfulness

Guidelines for Group Facilitation

Pre-Group Contact

Indications of Postpartum Depression

Three Modes of Operation

Information detailing these concepts can be found via the following link RESOURCES/CURRICULUM section of the website. Password required. http://www.communityofmindfulparenting.com/resources-curriculum-access.html. Familiarize yourself with the above documents in order to further integrate the foundational concepts throughout the curriculum where appropriate.

The First Pillar

Definition and Three Elements of Self-Compassion: Self-Compassion means that when we notice that we are distressed or in pain, we treat ourselves with kindness, gentle care, and understanding; much like we would treat a good friend that we know to be distressed or in pain. In addition, Self-Compassion invites personal action with the goal to alleviate our own suffering. This involves turning toward our distress with soothing and comforting gestures and phrases.

Self-Compassion also involves recognizing our shared human condition, and in the context of the Listening MothersTM curriculum, appreciating that women all over the world experience an internal transformational journey as they transition to Motherhood. Dr. Kristin Neff has defined Self-Compassion as being composed of three components: Self-Kindness, Mindfulness and Common Humanity. The following definitions have been adapted from her collection of work.

Self-Kindness: is the conscious decision to turn toward yourself with love and kindness as opposed

to ignoring internal suffering or pain and/or being self-critical. Being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life’s difficulties is inevitable. When expectations are not met, suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism. When the reality of the situation is accepted with empathy and kindness, level-headedness prevails.

Mindfulness: is the ability to pause and notice one’s thoughts, feelings and sensations in the

present moment without judgment. This can be developed by formal and informal practices.

Common Humanity: as human beings we are both bound and separated by external factors:

cultural, genetic as well as environmental or family of origin. However, we share similar vulnerabilities,

http://www.communityofmindfulparenting.com/resources-curriculum-access.html

http://www.communityofmindfulparenting.com/resources-curriculum-access.html



experience loss, encounter frustration, make mistakes, endure disappointment and have feelings of inadequacies. When we're in touch with our Common Humanity, we are open and accepting of the reality that we are all in the same boat, we are imperfect and the more compassion we will feel toward ourselves and others.

Pause for Practice: 4-5-6

Background – The Benefits of Focused Deep Breaths Have mothers check in with how their bodies feel before you share the benefits of breathing deep. Deep abdominal breathing encourages full oxygen exchange. It also slows heartbeat, reduces or stabilizes blood pressure and clears the mind. Deep, focused rhythmic breathing actually slows down the nervous system which contributes to feelings of relaxation and lessons those feelings of being overwhelmed. Shallow breathing which is a typical breath doesn’t fill the lower part of the lungs which leaves us with shortness of breath and anxiousness. Guide mothers through a quick focused breathing exercise.

4-5-6 Breathing Invite the mothers to get comfortable in their seats and find a soft gaze or close their eyes. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four. Hold your breath for a count of five. Breathe out for a count of six. Repeat two to three times. Invite them back into the room and open their eyes.

Facilitator Note: The important part of this exercise is that the exhalation takes twice as long as inhalation. Focus on the inhale and focus on the exhale.

Heart-Centered Dialogue – 4-5-6 Inviting Calm

Have mothers check in with their body’s after the breathing exercise.

How do their bodies, mind and thoughts feel after the quick 4-5-6 Inviting in Calm exercise.

What’s changed?

Were the mothers able to read the mindfulness article in the pre-group reading? What were their thoughts about the science behind the practice of mindfulness?



Transition to Motherhood The mothers in this group have crossed a major threshold in their lives. This first group is to honor and acknowledge this crossing. As a facilitator you are paralleling the process of attachment by modeling a positive holding environment for your group. After a brief introduction to the lesson material below, use the Heart-Centered Dialogue questions to deepen the understanding of the transition to Motherhood and increase insight into the use of Self-Compassion in the following sessions. Highlights for session one include:

Fourth Trimester

Primary Maternal Preoccupation (PMP)

Positive Holding Environment

Facilitator Note: As you create the space for dialogue, please be aware of mothers who may find it difficult to connect or acknowledge their babies. If you observe possible Indications of Postpartum Depression please find some time to further assess one-on-one with regard to how that mother is doing and what she may need. There may be the opportunity to refer this mother to a skilled clinician who specializes in postpartum depression in addition to participating in the group.

The Fourth Trimester: Post pregnancy, the new infant becomes the mother’s primary concern as the mother’s primal instincts present themselves in keeping the baby alive and protected (Winnicott). Often mothers cannot stop thinking about their babies for a period of time following birth; the baby’s needs become the mother’s needs; this time period is sometimes referred to as the Fourth Trimester. The Fourth Trimester has more in common with the first nine months in the womb than the lifetime that follows birth. Human babies are born early in their development as compared to other mammals and are completely dependent on the mother, whereas most other mammals can move independently soon after birth. This has much to do with the size of the baby’s head in order to fit through the birth canal and the way in which we as humans give birth. For mother and baby, the Fourth Trimester is a period of adjustment that varies in length but can last several months. It is a time where babies have gone from being constantly held and temperature regulated in the womb, continually fed, and external stimulus such as light, sound and direct touch mediated, to having no filter and direct experience with the environment. These first months of a baby’s life outside the uterus is a period of intense development; a biological bridge from fetal life to preparation for the real world. Mothers themselves are adjusting to no longer growing a new life and along with this comes a host of experiences such as lack of sleep, hormonal changes, feelings ranging from anxiety and being overwhelmed to gratitude and bliss, all with intense focus on their babies. This powerful period of intense focus on their babies is called Primary Maternal Preoccupation.



Primary Maternal Preoccupation: Primary Maternal Preoccupation (PMP) was identified by English pediatrician, Dr. DW Winnicott (1956). PMP is the mother’s state of heightened sensitivity to and identification with her baby's needs, to the exclusion of other interests, for a period of time immediately after birth. The mother’s major concern is the task of keeping the baby alive and protected. In order to know her baby, the baby’s needs become the mother’s needs, this is the beginning of a mother’s real knowledge of her baby.

This period of time is necessary, normal and temporary. The mother’s primary role is to help her baby interpret their new environment and give meaning to their actions by consistently meeting their needs. This heightened sensitivity protects, regulates and soothes her baby until the baby can begin to make sense of their new world. It is through this early bonding and dance of co-regulation (session two) with the mother that babies are able to thrive. Thus, the mother enables a dependent relationship to take place, out of which the child gradually learns to navigate their own rhythms and cycles ultimately enabling them to learn and obtain a sense of self (a sense of me/not me). Consistently meeting their baby’s needs, however, may come at the expense of the mother’s own needs and interests. During this normal and temporary postpartum phase, mothers become preoccupied with their infant to the exclusion of other interests; her mind constantly wanders back to her baby when they are separated. When together, she may constantly scan the baby’s face, fingers, toes and check on the baby’s breathing. Mothers adapt to their infants sense of time, forgoing their own sleep rhythms and own need for emotional support that is found by being with someone other than their baby. For a period of time they may not be interested in the experience of family, friends or their partners and may forget all things ‘not baby’.

While it is the case that the PMP mother is open to being stirred-up emotionally by her baby, she may also be overwhelmed by the baby’s helplessness and dependency. Mothers may themselves have feelings of losing control and themselves. Other common fears include: hurting the baby, inadequacy (“I don’t have enough to give,”) being a bad mother (“what I give is not good enough,”) losing themselves or independence through identification with the baby.

Again, this phase is entirely necessary and it is normal and temporary.

Heart-Centered Dialogue – Fourth Trimester and PMP

Ask mothers to share what Motherhood has been like for them so far? Surprises? Challenges?

Have they noticed their focus and fascination with their baby? Has it been at the expense of their own needs? How do they feel about that?

How have they felt about the lack of sleep, schedule and constant demands of baby? (embrace the connection or are focused on lack of sleep?)

Do they find it difficult to be away from their babies?

What kind of new thoughts do they have about their babies now that they are out of the womb? Fears? Dreams?



The Positive Holding Environment: One of the ways in which a mother consistently meets the needs of her new baby is by creating a positive holding environment. DW Winnicott described this as physical and emotional holding where the infant is protected without knowing they are protected. A loving mother ‘holds’ her baby and is attuned and attentive to the baby’s needs.

For the baby, being ‘held’ is as important as sleep or food. Holding one’s baby provides a sense of warmth, love and reassuring connection. When a baby is in distress, holding them often helps them to organize their feelings and return to a sense of calm and safety. ‘Holding’ babies can take many forms; using a soft and soothing voice or a soothing touch can also ‘hold’ a baby. In the moments of baby’s continued distress, the mother/partner can continue to foster the early foundations of self-regulation by consciously providing a calm, gentle, compassionate presence which supports safety and connection.

Lack of sleep, constant feedings and changing diapers may lead to feelings of exasperation and exhaustion. Some mothers may feel their only function is to provide sustenance. Building skills like the ability to be present and practicing Self-Compassion, especially Self-Kindness, enables mothers to appreciate their essential role by learning to be more calm, more reflective, less judgmental and more accepting of whatever arises, further strengthening the positive holding environment.

Babies are fully present and sentient beings. They simply embody Mindfulness. They live in the moment. Creating a positive holding environment supports babies in feeling validated, encouraged and supported in their journey.

When the environment of a baby fits to the baby’s inborn energies, gestures and movement, the environment “holds” the baby. This also means putting the baby down when they need to be alone. This is also holding (Louise Kaplan).

When the baby’s environment holds them, they begin to have the illusion that their excitement and gestures have created the world (Kaplan).

In a therapeutic sense and in the context of the Listening MothersTM curriculum, there are as least four subtle layers of ‘positive holding environment’ that are being created through the conscious awareness of the facilitator over the course of this group:

your group facilitation will model this process for the group as a whole and individual moms,

the mother has been/is creating one for her baby,

the group itself acts as this container for the mother,

and mothers are encouraged to lean-into the holding environment of their loved ones, close friends.

Heart-Centered Dialogue: Positive Holding Environment Guide a group discussion supporting self-discovery weaving in and out between the concepts of the Fourth Trimester, PMP and how including Self-Compassion by focusing on centering oneself and deep breathing creates space to support holding environment for the mother and baby. Use the following questions to guide dialogue:

Discuss what it means to be the filter/container for their babies?

How do they feel about being a container?

Are they exhausted? What are they doing for support?

Have they discovered how their baby prefers to be ‘held’? (Holding can include that of a soft voice. Does not only require touch.)



Next Week’s Focus: Explore the importance of baby’s emotional development and their need to self-regulate. Begin to identify a child’s unique character, explore mother’s own self-regulation and the concept of co-regulation and discuss the ‘goodness of fit’ and impacts on parenting styles. Further our understanding of Self-Compassion with a focus on Self-Kindness.

Deepen Your Awareness at Home Plan to print the REFLECTION for session one and bring it to group. Share the following articles to further explore lesson material and or exercises that will provide an opportunity for reflection and introspection.

Reflections for Session One:

Have the mothers reflect on one or two additional elements that have changed about them since the birth of their babies.

How do they feel about the changes?

How do the changes align with their prior expectations?

What are they discovering about themselves?

Readings for Session Two: Parenting from the Inside Out By: Daniel J. Siegel, MD and Mary Hartzell, M.ED From: Pub. Jeremy P. Tarcher – Putnam pgs 7-11 Raising Baby: What You Need to Know Lipari, Joanna Psychology Today. Self-Compassion Fosters Mental Health Scientific American By Marina Krakovsky, Jun 2012 http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/self-compassion-fosters-mental-health/ You can print the handouts, REFLECTIONS and articles and bring them to the group sessions for participants or plan to attach them to an email summarizing your session together to bridge the week. You may also forward the participant link with the password so that mothers can follow week by week and print REFLECTIONs or review articles and handouts online as needed. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THE FACILITATOR LINK AND PASSWORD.




Group Photo At the end of session one, take a group photo of all the mothers and their babies. At the end of session eight, email both the beginning session and the ending session photos to the mothers as part of the wrap up and as a means for them to witness their changes over time.

Closing Ritual: Weaving the Circle Materials: strong string that will withstand being worn for eight weeks; scissors. String Intention:

To be a reminder of the importance of this special time that mothers have carved out for themselves and act as a touchstone in a ceremonial way throughout the eight weeks.

Ritual Exercise:

Invite all the mothers to stand together in a circle.

As you are walking the circle and wrapping a piece of string around each mother’s wrist, talk about the strength of the circle, it’s never-ending nature and how now this group of women and babies have formed a circle that will journey together for these next eight weeks.

If mothers don’t want the string on their wrist, invite them to put it somewhere that is regularly visible and available to them, such as a diaper bag or keychain.

Once a few mothers have the string on their wrist, invite them to identify one word from the day that has resonated with them; A word they will carry with them through the week when they see the string and think about the group. It could be inspirational, something they want to learn more about or something they wish to focus on personally.

Mothers may say words like: strength, honesty, compassion.

Every week at the end of the group, go around the circle and ask them to pause and identify a word they will carry with them for the week.

Complementary Activity: A complementary activity is to write down each of the words identified each week and compile and send them to the mothers at the very end of the group. It crafts a living poem over the course of the eight week series.

End Session: Poem - Fluent I would love to live, Like a river flows, Carried by the surprise, Of its own unfolding.

- John O’Donohue



End of the Session Summary Between your sessions, take an opportunity to continue to build the container that will hold these mothers for the next eight weeks. Bridge the gap between the days before your next group by emailing a summary of what was covered in the prior session and a gentle reminder to practice their mindful pauses. You may also invite them to deepen their awareness by taking an opportunity to fill in the REFLECTION exercises and read the attached articles. This summary also provides an invitation for a mother that might be struggling to contact you directly, assess their state and refer them out if necessary. Session eight has sessions summaries that weave in identifies the important topics per session and the associated mindful elements covered you can plan to use as part of your summary email if you like.