ISBN-13: 978-0-8294-2808-7ISBN-10: 0-8294-2808-9

P R A Y E R A S P E R S O N A L

R E L A T I O N S H I P I N S C R I P T U R E

S E E K M Y F A C E

SE

EK

MY

FA

CE

W I L L I A M A . B A R R Y , S J

BA

RR

Y

Spirituality / Inspiration $13.95 U.S.

WILLIAM A. BARRY, SJ, is a veteran spiritual director who is currently serving as tertian director for the New England Province of the Society of Jesus. He has taught at the Weston Jesuit School of Theology and at Boston College. His many works include A Friendship Like No Other, God’s Passionate Desire, and Here’s My Heart, Here’s My Hand (Loyola Press).

When we seek God’s face, we find God’s grace.

What does it mean to have intimacy with God? Why do so many of us avoid this intimacy at all costs? What examples

from Scripture can guide us in developing a close, prayerful relationship with God? In Seek My Face, William A. Barry, SJ, provides thoughtful and easy-to-understand answers that help us draw closer to God and grasp the surprising breadth of ways in which we and God can become good friends.

Throughout the book, Fr. Barry introduces situations and personalities from both the Old and New Testaments to show us various ways in which people in the Bible expressed their friendship with God. Abraham, Moses, the Psalmist, Peter, Jesus—these individuals and more help us see the many di� erent ways we, too, can interact intimately and honestly with God. In his warm and gentle way, Fr. Barry turns us away from our ambivalence or even fear of a relationship with God and toward a desire to seek God’s loving face—at all times and in all ways.

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Contents

Preface to the Second Edition ix

1 Our Ambivalence about God 1

2 Feeling Accepted: The Foundational Experience 9

3 Growing Transparency 19

4 Hearing God 27

5 Revealing Our Needs 37

6 Pouring Out One’s Heart 47

7 Feelings of Rage and Vengeance 55

8 On the Revelation of Sin 63

9 The Forgiveness of Sin 71

10 Expressing Gratitude 81

11 Making Our Own Psalm of Gratitude 89

12 Getting to Know Jesus 97

13 What Is Jesus Like? 107

14 What Does Jesus Value? 117

15 Conclusion 127

Annotated Bibliography 131

References 133

Acknowledgments (continued) 135

ix

Preface to the Second Edition

This little book on prayer is a sequel to God and You: Prayer as a Personal Relationship, which appeared in 1987. As is that book, this one too is based on experience, my own and that of many others who have talked to me about their expe-rience of God. As is that book, this one too is based in the Ignatian tradition, which uses Scripture imaginatively to let people encounter God. In this book I take up various scrip-tural incidents and personalities to illustrate various ways of developing an intimate relationship with God; with God’s Son, Jesus; and with God’s Holy Spirit—a relationship akin to a friendship. I hope to help people to enter more deeply into the relationship that grounds our very existence in this world, and I am grateful to Loyola Press for reprinting this second, slightly revised edition.

While Scripture forms the base from which I work, I have to admit that I am not a Scripture scholar. I have tried to be faithful to the texts, but my method might be called eisegesis rather than exegesis. In other words, I read into the text more than the authors intended. Such a method has an honorable tradition in the history of Christianity and

x ✦ Preface to the Second Edition

Judaism. An example is the way in which the Song of Songs has been used to describe our relationships to God. Another example is the way Ignatius of Loyola invites retreatants to contemplate the Gospels in the Spiritual Exercises. Readers who are looking for careful scriptural exegesis to understand passages are referred to such works as The Jerome Biblical Commentary or to commentaries on the various books of the Bible.

I have dedicated this book to Marika Geoghegan and the late Joseph E. McCormick, SJ, both of whom have been friends for many years and have read my manuscripts with great care, attention to detail, and encouragement. Both of them have been especially helpful with this book. Thanks seems too small a word for all that I owe them.

I also want to thank the following members of my community at the time of the first edition (some of whom are no longer Jesuits) who read most or all of this book as I wrote it and were so helpful and encouraging: Robert Araujo, SJ, the late James L. Burke, SJ, Gerald Calhoun, Gregory Chisholm, SJ, the late William Finneran, SJ, the late Thomas Ford, SJ, Robert Gilroy, SJ, the late James Kane, Thomas Landy, Daniel Merrigan, Thomas Murphy, SJ, William Spokesfield, SJ, Michael Toth, and George Williams, SJ. Once again Philomena Sheerin, MMM, has read the manuscript carefully and by her enthu-siasm boosted my confidence in its worth. I want to thank

Preface to the Second Edition ✦ xi

my former provincials, Edward M. O’Flaherty, SJ, the late Robert E. Manning, SJ and Robert J. Levens, SJ, and my present one, Thomas J. Regan, SJ, for missioning me to write and for their confidence in me. Finally, I thank all those who have entrusted to me their experiences of God. If this book is helpful to others, it is due, under God, to these people who enlarged my own understanding of God’s ways. If readers find help in these pages, please offer a prayer for all the people who have made it possible for me to write them and, of course, for me.

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✦ 1

Our Ambivalence about God

Intimacy with God. What could that mean? In a series of chapters based on Bible stories, I would like to flesh out an answer to this question. For beginning purposes let us assume that intimacy means a close personal relationship. This definition itself raises at least one issue immediately, our ambivalence about such a relationship with God.

When we hear someone say, “I want a closer relation-ship with God,” many of us may react as did a woman quoted in Barry and Connolly’s The Practice of Spiritual Direction when she heard something similar: “In my time we wanted to be on the right side of him, but we didn’t want to get too close” (1982, 95.) We may smile at the remark, but most of us, with a bit of honesty, would say that any desire we have for closeness to God is tempered by our fear of what such

2 ✦ Our Ambivalence about God

closeness might entail. One of the least controvertible state-ments we can make about our relationship with God (from our side) is that it is a highly ambivalent one, an approach- avoidance dance, as it were.

The words of the Israelites in the desert to Moses may typify at least part of our attitude toward God: “You speak to us, and we will listen; but do not let God speak to us, or we will die” (Exodus 20:19). Yet at the same time we may be moved by the words of the Psalmist:

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud,

be gracious to me and answer me!

“Come,” my heart says, “seek his face!”

Your face, Lord, do I seek.

Do not hide your face from me.

Do not turn your servant away in anger,

you who have been my help.

Do not cast me off, do not forsake me,

O God of my salvation! (Psalm 27:7–9)

In this chapter I want to discuss this ambivalence toward God and ways of dealing with it in prayer.

If you have read this far, you have demonstrated an inter-est in God and in prayer. There are many people with such an interest these days. Books on prayer sell well, and work-shops and talks on prayer draw well. Many people seem to

Our Ambivalence about God ✦ 3

desire to see the face of God more clearly. On the other hand, anyone who gives spiritual direction can attest to a persistent resistance to a closer relationship with God in everyone who desires such closeness. Even after experiences of God’s close-ness, indeed sometimes especially after very positive expe-riences, people find themselves unaccountably reluctant to continue such types of prayer. We seem condemned to make efforts to avoid the very thing we want. It might help us to look at some of the sources of our resistance.

Many people who desire a closer relationship with God have an image of God that makes closeness difficult. For ex-ample, whether it derives from childhood relationships with one’s parents or other authority figures or from the way God was presented and the way the child understood the presen-tation, an image of God as a demanding, harsh, all- knowing taskmaster cannot sustain a desire for closeness with God. If such a subconscious image dominates a person’s vision of God, homilies and even testimonies about God’s loving- kindness, while they may evoke a desire to know God dif-ferently, will not make possible a real openness to closeness to such a God.

Many people resist closeness to God because they fear that such closeness will require a change in their lifestyle or a more radical religiousness or a conversion. “If I get close to God, I’ll have to change.” “What if God wants me to become a missionary!” Fears such as these may come from

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the kinds of images of God mentioned previously, but they also may be a sign of some unease about one’s present life-style or behavior. Whatever their source, such fears inhibit closeness.

People resist closeness to Jesus often enough because of realistic fears that they may get the same treatment he received. “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me” (Mark 8:34). Taking these words seriously would daunt any sane person.

Finally, and perhaps most deeply, there seems to be in each of us a profound fear that closeness to God will destroy us. The Israelites voiced that fear to Moses. In Isaiah 6:5 the prophet Isaiah has a vision of God and then says: “Woe is me! I am lost, for I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips; yet my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5).

These sources of resistance sit deep within us, and we cannot wish or will them away. Are we then condemned to a lifetime of desiring closeness to God and of doing every-thing in our power to prevent such closeness? Reflection on these Scriptures and on our human relationships may show us a way to proceed out of this impasse.

The Israelites and Isaiah obviously were aware of their reactions to God’s closeness. So the first piece of advice is to pay attention to your real feelings, reactions, and thoughts

Our Ambivalence about God ✦ 5

about God. We cannot become aware of all of our reactions at once, but we can advert to some of them. Just as obvi-ously, the Israelites and Isaiah expressed what they felt. Here is the crux of the matter. If the Israelites had not told Moses how afraid they were, they would not have heard him say: “Do not be afraid; for God has come only to test you and to put the fear of him upon you so that you do not sin” (Exodus 20:20). Their fear was not taken away, but the writer seems to indicate that it was eased enough so that they could stand at a distance while Moses entered the thick cloud. In the beginning that may be the best that we can do ourselves; that is, voice our fear and then stand at a bit of a distance to see what happens.

In the case of Isaiah the response comes directly from the Lord. “Then one of the seraphs flew to me, holding a live coal that had been taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. The seraph touched my mouth with it and said: ‘Now that this has touched your lips, your guilt has departed and your sin is blotted out’ ” (Isaiah 6:6–7). Isaiah, it seems, is so transformed by this experience that he now responds eagerly, “Here am I; send me,” when he hears the Lord say, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” (Isaiah 6:8).

If we are aware that we are, for whatever reason, afraid of God, then we can express that fear in words like these: “God, I’m terrified of you; can you help me get over the fear?” If we find that we cannot really believe that God is

6 ✦ Our Ambivalence about God

love, we can say so: “The Bible says that you are love, but I have never experienced you that way. Help me out of this dilemma”; “I want to experience your love, but I’m afraid; don’t scare me”; “Jesus called you Papa (Abba); I’d like to feel that way about you too, but I don’t”; “I want to get closer to you, but I’m afraid of what you’ll ask of me”; or “I’m so full of anger about my mother’s death that I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m afraid that you will pun-ish me for feeling this way. Help me.”

Notice that these little prayers express the ambivalence simply and straightforwardly. We say what we are afraid of and what we want. The next step is up to God. All we can do is give God a chance to respond by sitting quietly, or reading a Scripture text, or taking a walk in the woods, or doing anything that gets our minds off ourselves and our own concerns for a little while.

A consideration of any personal relationship can also reinforce what reflection on these Scripture texts has recommended to us. If I want to get to know you better but am afraid of you for some reason, the best way around the impasse is for me to tell you what I’m feeling and ask for your help. You may be offended by my feeling afraid or by my forwardness and tell me to get lost, but we have abun-dant evidence in Scripture that God does not act that way. “Can a woman forget her nursing child, or show no com-passion for the child of her womb? Even these may forget,

Our Ambivalence about God ✦ 7

yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me” (Isaiah 49:15–16). In fact, you, like most human beings, probably will be disarmed by my candor and even flattered that I want to get to know you better and trust you enough to speak honestly. My fear of you will be overcome only by my experience of you. The very same thing is true of our relationship with God. Only our experiences of God will change our faulty images. Isaiah found out by expe-rience that he could “see” God and live, and this experience then led him to respond positively to God’s invitation to undertake a mission. It is more than likely that our own relationship with God will not shift so rapidly from fear to companionship, but even the first step of telling God how we feel is a step toward a deeper intimacy because we have revealed something of ourselves.

Some readers may be helped, as I have been, to express their ambivalence to God by John Donne’s prayerful “Holy Sonnet XIV”:

Better my heart, three- personed God; for You

As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

That I may rise and stand, o’erthrow me, and bend

Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurped town, to another due,

Labour to admit You, but O, to no end;

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Reason, Your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love You, and would be loved fain,

But am betrothed unto Your enemy:

Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again;

Take me to You, imprison me, for I

Except You enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

ISBN-13: 978-0-8294-2808-7ISBN-10: 0-8294-2808-9

P R A Y E R A S P E R S O N A L

R E L A T I O N S H I P I N S C R I P T U R E

S E E K M Y F A C E

SE

EK

MY

FA

CE

W I L L I A M A . B A R R Y , S J

BA

RR

Y

Spirituality / Inspiration $13.95 U.S.

WILLIAM A. BARRY, SJ, is a veteran spiritual director who is currently serving as tertian director for the New England Province of the Society of Jesus. He has taught at the Weston Jesuit School of Theology and at Boston College. His many works include A Friendship Like No Other, God’s Passionate Desire, and Here’s My Heart, Here’s My Hand (Loyola Press).

When we seek God’s face, we find God’s grace.

What does it mean to have intimacy with God? Why do so many of us avoid this intimacy at all costs? What examples

from Scripture can guide us in developing a close, prayerful relationship with God? In Seek My Face, William A. Barry, SJ, provides thoughtful and easy-to-understand answers that help us draw closer to God and grasp the surprising breadth of ways in which we and God can become good friends.

Throughout the book, Fr. Barry introduces situations and personalities from both the Old and New Testaments to show us various ways in which people in the Bible expressed their friendship with God. Abraham, Moses, the psalmist, Peter, Jesus—these individuals and more help us see the many di� erent ways we, too, can interact intimately and honestly with God. In his warm and gentle way, Fr. Barry turns us away from our ambivalence or even fear of a relationship with God and toward a desire to seek God’s loving face—at all times and in all ways.